JOYFULJUDYLYNN   19,203
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JOYFULJUDYLYNN's Recent Blog Entries

MAJOR goal achieved today!

Friday, August 24, 2012

When I set out on this journey (for the umpteenth time!), I wanted to get healthy for my daughter. I wanted to be ACTIVE with her. I wanted to play WITH her, not just watch her play. I wanted to be able to fit in places with her and let her focus on the fun of childhood, rather than on mommy's limitations.

Today, I felt freedom. Today, my daughter got an ACTIVE mommy.

We went to the fair today, and my 4 yr old was dieing to go on rides. But was scared of them at the same time. She wanted mommy to go with her. And I did. I didn't worry that I would break anything. I didn't worry about fitting. I didn't worry about anything, other than being in the moment with my daughter. And it was freedom.


On the carousel


In the turning berry
I even climbed the SUPER long, high, pink slide (several flights of steps up a very NARROW way) with her. Then sat my butt on the blanket, tucked her onto my lap, and went down the slide with her.

I wouldn't have even CONSIDERED it 57# ago. I simply would have told her "no". That makes me sad to think of!

We. Had. A. BLAST!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

3G1RLS4ME 9/1/2012 12:18AM

    Woohoo :) keep it up

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LESLIELENORE 8/25/2012 6:50PM

    How absolutely wonderful! So glad you could DO everything with her. What wonderful memories you are creating!

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DAREDEVILME 8/25/2012 9:59AM

    I'm so proud of you, and you must have made her a very happy girl.
Way to go!!
You've made me smile today.

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WORLDSERIES11 8/25/2012 12:53AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALLIEALLIE2 8/24/2012 10:49PM

    emoticonit!! It is amazing how kids change our lives..I'm glad you two are making fond memories! emoticon

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BEWELL48 8/24/2012 10:48PM

    How wonderful! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MJREIMERS 8/24/2012 10:48PM

    emoticon Your daughter will always remember this day and how mom got to play with her. Good for you for becoming healthier for your daughter and for YOU! Enjoy your new freedom, I know your daughter does! emoticon

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PJBONARRIGO 8/24/2012 10:44PM

    Wow!! Great for you and your daughter! Congrats! So very happy for you both! What fun the two of you had at the fair. Great pix! Memories were made :-)

Comment edited on: 8/24/2012 10:45:30 PM

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2BFREE2LIVE 8/24/2012 10:44PM

    emoticonfor being the emoticonMom for your daughter.
Love life and it will love you back!!
Enjoy every minute of every day as they pass way to fast.
I am so happy you are enjoying being alive and living the life you have longed for yourself and your daughter.
Your the Best Mommy in the world. Hugs. Sandy

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Workin' out with my baby girl! (pics)

Monday, August 20, 2012

My trainer had me start holding plank this week, and suggested I get my 4 yr old involved. So I did!



What a blast! I love the time with her, and I know that she soaks up and imitates every little thing I do. So I need to ensure that I'm modeling stuff I WANT her to emulate. I haven't done a great job of that the majority of her short life. But I love that I was able to change that.



I love this kid more than I ever thought possible. And I NEVER want her to feel about herself the way I have spent the majority of my life feeling about my body. I want her to focus on health rather than vanity, but know that she has the power to change what she deems change worthy.

And an important side note: I posted these pics on my FB page. It was at least 15 minutes later that I realized one is a full body shot of myself. I haven't done that in YEARS. Progress. 56# worth of progress.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRYSTL719 8/23/2012 10:51PM

    I have 2 little girls, and my 6 year old encourages me, and questions me when she sees me eating something I shouldnt. They both are a blast when I need to exercise by just running through the house.

Your pictures of you 2 are adorable. Thanks for sharing. I wish I had a personal trainer, but I will keep at what I am accomplishing slowly.

emoticon

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CCASKEY37 8/21/2012 7:39AM

    Way to go. Exercise is neither good nor bad, just healthy as long as you do it right.

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ANNABELL598 8/20/2012 9:35PM

    So sweet and such great inspiration!!! Awesome!

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KEKEIKO 8/20/2012 9:31PM

    I love working out with my teenage daughter. We go for long walks, hiking and even yoga.
WTG mom & daughter! emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 8/20/2012 9:06PM

    Way to go getting your daughter involved!

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ALLIEALLIE2 8/20/2012 8:44PM

    emoticon it!! You two are really rocking that work out!!

You are setting an awesome example for her now!! Good job!! emoticon emoticon

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PAXTONBLUE 8/20/2012 8:39PM

    I love seeing her get excited about working out. You are an awesome Mom :)

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Getting back to feeling like ME

Friday, August 17, 2012

This has been a strange week... my emotions and body have run the gamut between grief to normal, from pain to a great work out. Healing is taking place. Both physically and emotionally, I am healing.

My hamstrings are hurting from some squats with weights, as well as some one-legged reps on the leg press. But it's a good hurt... a hurt that tells me that I am gaining something rather than the pain of the miscarriage, which was about losing something.

This morning I worked out HARD. 25 minutes of cardio on my own, followed by a session with my trainer. At the end, I went from plank position to sprawled on the ground. Put a fork in me... I was done.

And if felt wonderful. It felt like ME.

Slowly, but surely, I am healing. And my eyes are still on the end game. I want this for me. Grief must have it's time, but that doesn't mean I have to give up on myself either.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LESLIELENORE 8/17/2012 7:47PM

    emoticon emoticon

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OBIESMOM2 8/17/2012 6:08PM

    emoticon
glad you are feeling more like yourself

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DEBBY4576 8/17/2012 4:07PM

    Sounds like you are ready to keep moving forward. Strange thing about the beginning of the grief stage, it makes you immobile.

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Back to the gym! Grief is no excuse to give up on myself!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

As I shared in my blogs last week, I recently had a miscarriage. For a few days, I felt like my heart would simply shatter. Beyond the physical pain that I was in (which required a shot and oral narcotics), I was simply exhausted. I spent the majority of 2 days in bed crying, sleeping, and hiding. I went to the ultra sound on Wednesday which showed that no surgery was needed. I had a recheck with my doctor yesterday, and was released back to activity.

For the past week I have not tracked my food. I have alternated between eating little or eating junk. I have not exercised (nor have I felt well enough to). I have not cared about much of anything beyond my daughter.

While my heart continues to feel battered and bruised, I simply can not allow my grief to steal my goals. I already lost my baby.... I'm not about to lose my dreams for myself as well.

So today I'm heading back to the gym. I don't have hugely high expectations of my body (while the physical pain is gone, I still have an awful headache that the doctor said is typical with the hormonal changes after a pregnancy loss). However, I DO expect myself to start again. To do it. To refuse to allow this event to be the reason I give up on myself.

Life dealt me a crappy hand last week. Today I take back my control. I've eaten well and healthy today, and tracked it. I already told my daughter we're heading to the gym after her nap... that means I've committed to going. I'll take it step by step, day by day.

But I am not a quitter. Today the only thing I have to prove, is to prove that to myself.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OBIESMOM2 8/14/2012 6:16PM

    emoticon
take it slow

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TRAVELGRRL 8/14/2012 6:08PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. But you are good to realize that staying stuck in mind-numbing grief does not solve anything or make anything better. By getting back to your daughter and your gym you are honoring yourself. You will most likely continue to grieve, but that doesn't mean staying stuck. Take care of yourself, dear!
emoticon

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LYNSEY723 8/14/2012 5:45PM

    I'm sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain (both emotional and physical) you are going through. I hope you arae able to get going in a forward direction and continue living your life! It sounds like you are in a healthy mindset. Good luck!! emoticon

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DEZARRA 8/14/2012 5:39PM

    You are totally committed and insightful! What fortitude to focus on the postive at this difficult time. God Bless You! emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 8/14/2012 5:35PM

    emoticonYou inspire me!

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My body is healing... my heart is trying to heal

Thursday, August 09, 2012

It's been 4 days since I learned of my miscarriage. 4 days of shock, tears, grief, anger, and sadness. 4 days of physical pain, cramping, and fatigue.

My body is healing. I continue to be more tired than usual, but the cramping and pain are subsiding. My heart, however, isn't healing quite as quickly. I suppose that is going to take some time.

I have one healthy child. But I have been pregnant 4 times. I have 3 angel children that I've never held in my arms. 3 sweet souls in heaven that I believe I will meet someday. I am thankful for my faith right now. It is the only reason that I'm not raging in fury right now.

Tomorrow I'm doing a few "normal" social things... a play date for my daughter, and dinner with friends. Maybe normal activities will help me feel more normal.

I've alternated this week between eating almost nothing, or eating junk. I'm restricted from activity until I see my doctor on Monday. I need to get "back on track"... but in all honesty, I have no energy for it right now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAREDEVILME 8/11/2012 10:36AM

    I know your pain.
emoticon

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DAREDEVILME 8/11/2012 10:36AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss.


Comment edited on: 8/11/2012 10:36:46 AM

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ENDUROVET 8/10/2012 1:08PM

    Deepest condolences to you from a fellow babyloss mom (6 pregnancies, 1 healthy baby - now 14!). Hang in there.

emoticon

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MAMADWARF 8/10/2012 10:43AM

    I'm sorry that this happened and you are so sad. Im also happy you have your little girl. You get to be a mommy! Enjoy because before you know it, she will be in her 20's and you will not believe how fast time went by! I hope you feel better every day and remember, it is OK to feel however you feel.

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TUBLADY 8/10/2012 10:25AM

    So Sorry, I know words can't erase the pain you feel.
I experienced some miscarries in my life. Finally was put to bed the whole first 5 or so months. Then very limited activities. It worked, healthy baby full term.
I hope your doctors can help you.
Tisha emoticon emoticon

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 8/10/2012 10:11AM

    I've been there - only one miscarriage but the feelings are similar. You need to take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself for a bit. Hugs and prayers. Hang in there.

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OBIESMOM2 8/10/2012 10:04AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
sometimes there are just no words

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LESLIELENORE 8/10/2012 10:02AM

    emoticon

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TREASURINGLIFE 8/10/2012 9:58AM

    ((((hugs))))

I am so very sorry for your loss and I pray that God gives you comfort and peace at this time and blesses your day with joy and laughter as you set out to your play-date and dinner...

- Michelle

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TARAFROMTX1 8/10/2012 9:53AM

    My heart goes out to you. I know its not easy, and I am so sorry about all of your losses. One day you will be reunited with your sweet angels. I truly believe that. emoticon emoticon emoticon I will be praying for you my friend.

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DAYSPRING-STAR 8/10/2012 7:58AM

    I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers, LYNN2574. Your "normal" day sounds like a good idea, for both you and your lovely daughter. I hope you find some smiles, joys, and moments of peace in your day. You'll get back on track when the time is right, I'm sure. emoticon

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HEALTHYWANNABE 8/10/2012 12:16AM

    I am so sorry to read of you losses. I can only imagine your pain. Please take care of yourself.

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MANILUS 8/10/2012 12:01AM

    Take good care, sorry to hear for your loss. At least you have an angel beside you every day to enjoy!

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