Thursday, May 31, 2012
Today I was driving to work, and noticed a house that was looking pretty sad. You know the type... the one house on the block with overgrown grass, weeds, peeling paint, and clutter around the house. Just looking neglected.
Now, let me preface this by saying... I have OCD and am a bit of a perfectionist. Even my 3 year old knows that if you see a weed outside, you pull it. That you pick up your toys before you go to bed. That dishes have to be done after the meal. I like a clean house. I want my home to be aesthetically pleasing.
And here's a little secret.... I tend to be judgmental about people living in those sad, neglected little houses. Are they lazy? Do they simply not care?
Today, as the thoughts ran rampant in my mind, I realized something. "My body is a house, and I have neglected it for years. My body has been that sad, neglected house and I sat back and did nothing to change it".
HOLY COW! Epiphany! Just as my OCD self can make a task list for anyone to clean up their home, I am working on a task list for my body! And it's JUST AS DOABLE!!!!! It's work to mow a lawn. But doable. It's work to paint a house. But it's doable.
Nearly 5 months ago, I put my health and body on "project status". I've been working hard, and seeing the results. I am no longer happy to sit back and neglect my body, as some sit back and neglect a house.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Today they are holding a viewing/rosary service for the brother of a friend of mine. He was 42. And he died this week from cardiac arrest during gastric bypass surgery. And I realize that could have been me. That nearly WAS me.
Today is also my 38th birthday. 11 years ago Monday, I walked into a hospital, having been given a 30% chance of dieing on the table, and had my own gastric bypass surgery. I coded on the table. I was revived, and woke in ICU. I risked EVERYTHING because of my weight. I chose food and a sedentary life over the life my Creator wanted me to have.
Many of you know my story. My highest weight was 420#. After surgery, I got down to 236#. That was my lowest weight since HS. With a difficult pregnancy, bed rest, and 4 months recovery attached to a PICC line and wound vac, I regained 70#. I restarted this journey the RIGHT way in January, weighing in at 308#.
Today, my heart is heavy for my friend. All her brother wanted was to live a healthy life. But the way he chose to do that ended his life. I don't judge him. How can I possibly judge him? I feel like it could just have easily been me. But my heart aches for him. And at the same time I feel like I'm looking at what could have been me if I'd gone ahead with another procedure (as I was considering last year).
Today I'm 268 pounds. Yesterday I walked/jogged 1.3 miles. Then biked about a mile pulling a trailer with my child in it. Then I went to the gym and let my trainer torture... I mean train... me in the gravity gym for 30 minutes. That is my life now. I eat right. I exercise. I'm active.
We did measurements yesterday, and since January, I have lost 13" from my hips! The scale has only moved 1# in 3 weeks.... yet in that time frame, I've lost nearly 1" from my waist, 1/2 inch from my bicep, and 1/2 inch from my abdomen. My work is paying off. And I feel healthy.
Today I'm going to celebrate my life. And that I am here. This birthday will not pass by unnoticed or uncelebrated. And I'm going to celebrate for Angel, too. And pray for those that will miss him. I pray that he has found peace.
Do me a favor.... gather your loved ones to you today and appreciate them. Appreciate your life, and congratulate yourself on choosing THIS journey. Because while it's not easy, it is the path to a healthy life. None of us want to leave our loved ones behind. But sometimes it takes a reminder like this to bring that home.
Monday, May 21, 2012
My birthday is in a few days, and after much deliberation between getting a new tattoo or a new bike, I decided on a bike (a tattoo won't help me lose another 120#!). Tonight my hubby took me to the store and bought me a mountain bike, a comfy (wide) seat, and a helmet. Despite the rain, he got it all set up when we got home.
I was terrified I would fall, but Hubby helped hold me steady while I got started. Within minutes it all came back. IT WAS WONDERFUL!!!! I haven't ridden a moving bike in AT LEAST 25 years. I was so excited that I rode up to my parents' door (they live across the street) to show off.
While my family waited in the drizzle in our driveway, I rode around the block. Feeling the wind in my face, breathing a little hard, and enjoying the moment. And I thought about how much I've been missing the last 15+ years, living a sedentary life and eating myself to death. I don't want to sit in a chair on my ever-widening behind and eat a bag of chips! I want to LIVE! I want to walk to the park with my daughter and chase her. I want to get up early to go jogging. I like walking into the gym and having the staff greet me by name because I'm a regular. I like living an active life. I long for the day that my outside looks like the active person that I am becoming. But in the meantime, this girl is going for a wog, or a bike ride, or to the gym.... extra chub rolls and all. No more waiting for myself to magically become the active person I want to be. Nope. I'm no longer waiting for magic.... I'm ready to make it.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Two weeks ago, another sparker inspired me to start the couch 2 5k program. One little glitch... I wasn't ABLE to jog 60 seconds at time. Since that is the starting jog time for this program, I normally would have used that as a perfectly legitimate excuse to not even start.
But, the last 4 1/2 months has been filled with personal challenges. So, I started "Couch to 5k 099"... you know... like when you get to college, but you're not quite ready for that 101 class (I know, because my ACT scores landed me in advanced literature, but 099 Math). I started walking 90 sec/jogging 30 sec. I did that twice. Boy was I sore! Muscles I haven't been using on the elliptical and treadmill came into use and let me know! After two "wogs" at this cycle set, I upped my jogging time to 45 secs (with intervals of 90 secs of walking). I did that twice.
Today.... a week and a half after that first wog.... I gained entrance into Couch to 5 k 101! 90 secs of walking, alternated with 60 seconds of jogging. I know for some people this is nothing, but for me.... it is everything.
It is proof that I can do what ever I set my mind to.
It is proof that not being able to do something really means, "I can't do that YET".
It is proof that my body is not the enemy. My old mindset is.
I have my first race in two weeks. I'm doing a 1 mile. I hope to jog most of it. I know that many walkers will be faster than me. I know that for most people, a mile isn't even on their "race radar". I know that for many people, a mile is simply a nice stroll. But one lesson I've learned these past months is that I need to celebrate my victories in my own reality. Because 5 months ago I wouldn't have even considered entering a 1 mile race. I CERTAINLY wouldn't have considered running it. And I'd have died rather than go wog 1.3 miles on a Sunday morning just for fun.
Embrace your dreams, people! The only difference between a dream and a goal, is having a plan. Make that plan. Do the work. Meet your goals. Then set some new ones. DO NOT compare your dreams to others. You deserve your own.
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