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Milestone: Today, I Jogged!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

I decided to change up my routine at the gym this morning. I usually hit the elliptical for 30 minutes and do my thing. But since Saturdays I go with my hubby, I wanted to do something different and work out next to him. So, I jumped on the treadmill. I set my incline, and started walking.

About 10 minutes in, I wanted to see if I COULD jog. I increased my speed and went with it. I got to a jog! I only maintained for 15-20 seconds, but I JOGGED! For the first time in over 20 years, this body jogged. I slowed back down and kept a brisk walk pace. I worked in 2 more jogging bursts before I was done.

To me, the length of time and speed of my jogging are irrelevant. I DID IT! Less than 4 months ago, I LITERALLY fell off the elliptical my first day at the gym. Today I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to and word towards.

Today, I jogged. It wasn't long. It wasn't fast. It sure as HECK wasn't pretty. But I did it. That is a victory.

I'd like to say I looked like an athlete, but......

Pride. That is name of this feeling. It feels wonderful.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BFREE2LIVE 4/30/2012 12:41AM

    So proud of you. Your right it is not for how long or how fast the fact of the matter is you did it, you did jog!!!
I remember my first time of a little run with my dog that felt like I could do anything a wonderful big smile on the inside wanting to come to your face each time you think of the experience.
Great job. Sandy emoticon

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WILDRICE99 4/29/2012 6:50AM

    That's wonderful! I love the humorous as well...made me chuckle a bit before my morning workout!

emoticon keep up the good work!

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MENNOLY 4/28/2012 5:39PM

    emoticon emoticonI know you feel exhilarated! Fantastic! emoticon emoticon

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"God doesn't make mistakes"

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I can't tell you how many times I heard that as a child. I heard it from my parents, sunday school teachers, school teachers in my Christian school, friends, etc. "God doesn't make mistakes". So easy to say. For me, impossible to believe.

I knew as a very small child that God, indeed, did make mistakes. And I was the proof of that. You see, when I was born, my birth mother left the hospital without me. She had made no arrangements for my care, and simply abandoned me in the hospital. The nurses cared for me for a week until a court order put me into foster care. I was adopted by my family as a baby. And while my parents love me dearly, there were a lot of things in my family and upbringing that were tragic, traumatic, and painful. Add to that the fact that I fit into my community about as well as a round peg in a square hole. I grew up in a very small, close knit Dutch community, mostly governed by the church. Nearly all my friends were fair haired and blue eyed. My red hair and brown eyes stood out. The fact that I was overweight? Yeah..... I was an easy target for school bullies.

God DID make mistakes, my young mind always insisted. Because God had made me. "God should have given me to a mom who wanted me", "God could have made me thin", "God could have kept this situation from happening", etc., etc., etc. Such was the inner dialogue in my mind.

In the last 15 years, I've done a lot of emotional work to deal with my adoption and some other issues. I've come to accept that it was HUMANS who had made the mistakes... not God. I have come to see the beauty that he brought from the ashes of their misguided, selfish decisions.

Except when it comes to my weight. A little part of me has held out on my grudge against God. For some reason, something in my mind broke thru today while on the elliptical.

"God didn't make me look like this! I made me look like this! God gave me two working legs. He created me with a healthy body that can move and exercise. I CHOSE not to. He created me with an intelligent mind, yet I never educated myself about nutrition. I DID THIS! ME! "

And with that gut-wrenching realization, the next thought brought hope:

"These were my mistakes. But my God can bring beauty from the ashes."

Today I made good choices. Today I found a little bit of healing. It was a good day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRAYING4THIN 4/27/2012 8:47AM

    Most of us are ready to blame someone and God becomes a easy target for alot of us and yet he is never the blame for anything that is bad or imperfect. Glad you are doing well and working through your "emotions"

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CRINKLYMONKEY 4/26/2012 8:12AM

    I am so glad that you had this breakthrough. With the strength of God you can do anything.

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CCASKEY37 4/26/2012 6:52AM

    Well said. The important thing is to keep educating yourself and those around you. I'm glad that you know you can do this.


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2BFREE2LIVE 4/26/2012 1:58AM

    Looks like your dealing with the past very well. We all have different things that we had to deal with as we grew up and your family raised a very smart young lady.

Soul searching is one step you need to do to clean your system so our can release the weight and the burdens that hold you from being the person you want to become.

Best wishes. Sandy

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TARAFROMTX1 4/25/2012 9:35PM

    Amen! Thank you for sharing! emoticon

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DELYCO 4/25/2012 9:17PM

    Wow. Thanks for sharing your epiphany; it takes a lot of courage both to come to that conclusion and then to share it with others. It must have been both a painful and freeing experience. I think things will get easier from this point; you know who you are and you can choose who you want to be instead of limiting yourself. You're a lot stronger than you probably thought.

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CRYDEN321 4/25/2012 9:14PM

    AMEN!!!!! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! Thank you for sharing. I came to grips with the fact that I did this to my body and not God, but I am still struggling to accept that I am worth loving... You are an inspiration, Thanks! emoticon

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BUSY weekend.... out of town, gambling, and a circus!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Well, first.... GOOD NEWS! Hubby and I finished up with the bank Thursday evening. We got the loan, and are starting the new business! This is very exciting for us as hubby already has work lined up with several clients, but we couldn't do anything about it without the loan to purchase the equipment he needs. Now it's a go! Super exciting.

Friday morning we left early and drove the 2 hours to Spokane to spend some time at Northern Quest casino. FUN! Leading up to this, I was super worried about food. But I'm proud of the choices I made! The buffet was actually much easier for me to do than the one sit-down place we went. Lots of steamed veggies, lean meats, and fresh fruits. I did have a hamburger with a side of fresh fruit for one meal. I had a TOTAL splurge Friday night and bought a lemon bar. It was delicious...... but the richness gave me horrible heartburn. I guess I can't eat those kinds of foods anymore.

One difference between last year and this year at the casino: This time we purposefully took the stairs more often! I also drank more water on the casino floor rather than all diet pepsi. :)

We spent the night at the casino (broke even on the slots but had fun) and headed back yesterday around noon. Last night we took our 3 yr old to the circus. She had a great time!

Hubby and I at the casino

Little one with a new circus friend

With my girl at the circus.

Hope y'all are having a great weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BFREE2LIVE 4/24/2012 1:39AM

    WOW!!! I can really see the weight loss. You look fantastic, way to go. Happy for Hubby's new business I am sure the stress has lifted and it shows in your face.
Have a wonderful week. Sandy

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    Glad you had a good time.

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More self image correction

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Tonight my hubby and I left our 3 yr old with my folks and had a little date. We finally checked out Texas Roadhouse and thought it was great! With a little research I was able to order a delicious dinner that still fit into my calorie goals. Fun dinner out without the guilt! Love it!

Afterwards, hubby and I went to Value Village and just snooped around. I packed up my size 28 pants last month (which were skin tight in January), and moved into the size 26's. I'm a classic pear shape. I'm wearing an 18/20 (2x) top, but a 26 jeans. Go figure. Anyway.... while my jeans fit with some alteration, they are becoming looser. I found 2 pair of jeans in great condition in a size 24. I bought them, figuring that in a couple months I'll need them.

I tried them on when we got home. Guess what? They button and zip with no trouble right now! Now... they are a little tighter than what I'd be comfortable wearing, but in 10# or so, they will probably be my go-to jeans. Wow!

For a little reference.... The night I graduated from high school in 1992, I wore a size 22/24 outfit. I remember that vividly because my graduation gown was so tight over my first outfit choice that I had to change into an outfit with less material so the gown would fit better. Aren't those gown supposed to be huge? I'm actually about 40 pounds heavier now than that night I graduated, but the fact that I can get into a size 24 is exciting for me.

Once again.... I'm reminded that what I see myself to be isn't necessarily the truth. This is one time I'm really, really glad to be wrong.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRAYING4THIN 4/27/2012 8:49AM


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IMAJEAN0178 4/19/2012 9:59AM

    emoticon emoticon Keep up the good work.

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CCASKEY37 4/19/2012 7:12AM

    Feels great to get those non-scale victories.

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2BFREE2LIVE 4/19/2012 12:09AM

    So proud of you. Your doing awesome and keeping things in focus as you go. Great job. Sandy

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Clothes and a changing self image.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

So I found a lady on Craig's List selling 1x-2x clothes. Set up a time to meet, and went over there today. She has just lost 60 pounds, and the clothes were all in beautiful condition (you can tell they were transition clothes and she didn't wear them often). I got 26 tops and a pair of work out pants for $40. ** Happy Dance**

Two exciting realizations from this purchase as I was trying them on:

1) I'm the same SIZE now as I was about 4 years ago, weighing about 10-15 pounds LESS than I weigh now. I can only assume this is because I have added a fitness component to my weight loss plan. I have built a lot of muscle in the past 3 1/2 months. So while my body is heavier than before, it's smaller. Make sense? I was blown away by this realization while I was trying on clothes I was convinced wouldn't fit over my shoulders!

2) I fit into a size 18/20 top! Holy cow!!!!!!! I am a mental health professional. I lost 170# once. I KNOW that the psychological part of this journey is difficult. Yet somehow I was shocked by how differently I AM vs what I THINK I am! Now maybe the sizing of that top was a fluke, but most of the 2x's I bought fit just fine or will in another 10 pounds or so.

One of the tops is a beautiful, dressy black tank top that is WAY low cut. NOTHING I would ever try on or think to buy for myself. The lady threw it in, so I tried it on when I got home. Guess what? It's really cute! I would totally wear it this summer out on a date with my hubby or to dinner with my girlfriends. Something like that has always been something "pretty girls" wore. Never me.

I have some work to do on my self image. But I'm finally admitting that I may no longer be content in the box I've always confined myself to. That's a start.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Obiesmom - I have been told all my life "You'd be so pretty IF you were thinner". All I heard was that I wasn't pretty. I know I have some work to do on my body image and self image. I'm working on it. THANK YOU!

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2BFREE2LIVE 4/16/2012 2:13PM

    I am doing a happy dance for you. It is so nice to have new things that you can wear. I know the mental things was big for me as I took a long time to see that new person in the mirror and sometimes I look at my reflection in a store front window when I walk by and think it must be someone else.
So just imagine yourself at your goal weight and that helps with the transition as your body gets smaller you smile will get bigger. Congrats on the new you, Sandy

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OBIESMOM2 4/16/2012 11:19AM

    YAY you! That's awesome.

Mom took me shopping Saturday. All the pants she & I bought for me at Christmas are now too big. Like you, the last time I wore the size I'm wearing now I was at least 10-15 lbs lighter. The difference is muscle. And I tried on a top in my usual size, but had to drop to the smaller one. I also found a beautiful Ann Taylor suit. I'd been wanting a suit for a while, but didn't want to spend the money while I was still trying to drop down in clothing size. This one fits okay now, and should be fine when I get to my goal weight (I'd like to lose about 10 more lbs.)

one thing that bugs me about your blog: "Something like that has always been something "pretty girls" wore. Never me. " Can't you see the beauty in YOU? You have a beautiful face. Gorgeous skin. I hope the new clothes help you see that you are truly beautiful. I hope better fitting clothes help show your great curves and make you smile when you look in the mirror.

contrary to what many of us believe, baggy clothes don't hide anything. They just make us look bigger. When I started wearing t-shirts that fit (not tight, just the correct size) to the gym (instead of the oversized baggy ones), so many people asked me how much weight I'd lost!

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CCASKEY37 4/16/2012 7:38AM

    Very happy for you. It's great to have so many things to tell you that your progress is real.

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    Loved this bloc and love when we have those moments where u have evidence sitting in front of you and you cant argue with....ur achieving your goals...just look at those clothes sizes. What a great deal too. U should take a pic in the cute sshirt too!!!

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IMAJEAN0178 4/15/2012 10:52PM

    Great find with the clothes. Keep up the good work.

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    Loved this bloc and love when we have those moments where u have evidence sitting in front of you and you cant argue with....ur achieving your goals...just look at those clothes sizes. What a great deal too. U should take a pic in the cute sshirt too!!!

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