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Accepting reality

Saturday, April 14, 2012

For some reason, I continue to see myself as a size 4x, "buy the largest size available" girl. I intellectually know that I just sold all my 4x tops because they looked like dresses and tents on me. I 'know' that I have a stack of too-big pants stacked in the guest room. I get that in my head, but it hasn't really sunk in yet.

Spring is finally coming to South Eastern WA, and I got to pull out my summer clothes today and find something cool to wear. I pulled out a 3x shirt from a couple summers ago and put it on. It was indecent. Seriously... WAY too much cleavage showing. I put on a tank underneath. The 3x tank was too big, but it covered what I needed it to. We went about our day, and met up with a friend. Who smiled and told me how great I look... and then said "Look! Your clothes are just hanging on you!" Um.... I thought this shirt kind of fit???? Guess not.

Tonight I got out the sewing machine. Took in the too-big tank. Took in a pair of jeans I bought a month ago.

Hmmmm..... I know money is tight, but I think I need some new clothes!

Reality is that I'm getting into a 2x. Wonder if I'll be able to fit into that XL "dream tank top" that I picked up at the good will last month... at least fit into before the cool weather comes this Fall. I'll have to see!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MENNOLY 4/15/2012 10:55AM

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TARAFROMTX1 4/15/2012 9:56AM

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2BFREE2LIVE 4/15/2012 2:16AM

    Your melting before our eyes, great job. You must feel on top of the world when your friend told you the smaller size was hanging on you.
Keep up the great job. Your doing great. Sandy

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BILBYGIRL 4/14/2012 10:56PM

    This is excellent news and you must be thrilled. Well done by the way.

I was just thinking this morning that my jeans are kinda hanging on me but that I love how that feels after so many years of battling to do them up!! Anyway, I heard somewhere once that it takes about 18 months for your brain's image to catch up to your altered reality. When you think about the way that people who are annorexic can't see that in the mirror its probably no big surprise. I gave up smoking about 12 years ago and it was 9 months afterwards as I was sitting at some stop lights I thought to myself "Hey that's not me - I'm not a smoker any more" as I was looking at a guy smoking - so I suppose it happens in all walks.

Again - congratulations. It is a bit of a worry having to change over though - I can still wear the jeans but I must get a new bra!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUZICANDO 4/14/2012 10:50PM


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No gym, but I did get a bad hair cut fixed!

Friday, April 13, 2012

WooHoo! Friday's are typically a rest day for me from the gym. I try to do something active with my little one since it's my day off from work. But today was all about errands.... a CRAZY expensive and loooonnnnggggggg grocery shopping trip to restock some basics, bank, and a SALON TRIP!

Back in January, I got a bad haircut. Seriously... not sure what the girl was thinking! And it just got worse as it's been growing out. I have it in a ponytail often to hide the hideous bottom layer she cut that just stuck out like some funky mullet-esque look. I needed to let my hair grow out a bit to really fix it right. Thankfully, the salon owner was there and refused to charge me to fix it. It's not perfect, but by the time it grows out another inch or two, I should be able to get it cut so you'd never know. Yay!

Anyway.... busy day. Continuing to work with hubby to put together his new business venture so he can get back to work. Hanging with my girl. Working my normal schedule. Hitting the gym 5 days a week. You know.... life!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OBIESMOM2 4/14/2012 3:51AM

    for me, Fridays are my favorite day to go to the gym. It's rarely crowded on a Friday after work!

glad you are on the road to recovery from the bad hair cut. And that the manager didn't charge you to fix it.

have a great weekend!

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CCASKEY37 4/14/2012 3:26AM

    Sounds like a good day. Enjoy your weekend.

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2BFREE2LIVE 4/14/2012 1:02AM

    Glad you got your hair done and to tell you a bad hair cut is the worst thing that can happen to us. I had one not long ago and still suffering with the back not growing back like it should. One day we both will be happy with our hair.
Glad to hear Hubby is working on a new project for the future.
Have a wonderful weekend. Sandy

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Habit vs. Will power

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I have amazing will power. Seriously. I can grin and bear nearly anything.

During root canals, my dentist has told me that it's amazing I was able to go so long without treatment, as my teeth were horribly inflamed and painful. But I had set my mind to it, and did it.

11 years ago, I had major surgery and even coded on the table. A few hours after being transferred to the surgical floor from the ICU, I asked a nurse to help me out of bed so I could walk. The nurses said they were shocked at how far and often I walked after major surgery.

Once I start a project, I don't quit until I'm done. I'll spend an entire day painting or gardening in order to reach a good breaking point, rather than leave a project hastily abandoned.

I have amazing will power. I know this. And I have used it to succeed in many areas of my life. But it just hasn't worked for me with weight loss. I rev myself up, and will power takes me a certain distance. Then I become overwhelmed, frustrated, and simply give up. I have spent the last 20 years feeling like a failure as a human being because of this.

But I have learned something in the past few months. Weight loss is NOT ABOUT WILL POWER! Will power is great. Setting your mind on a goal and just gritting your teeth to carry you thru.... wonderful. But weight loss isn't about a specific task. It's about a life long way of treating your body. Will power isn't going to carry ANYONE through a lifetime struggle on any particular issue.

What I've learned is that since weight loss and maintenance requires a life long commitment, it will require a plan. When I married my husband, I knew that I was making that kind of commitment. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I was approaching my marriage. What my values and beliefs about marriage and this relationship were. What I would do if/when things went wrong and got really tough.

I find myself approaching my health/weight loss in this way as well. What is important to me in my health? What am I going to do to achieve those goals? And what am I going to do when the journey gets tough? My plan: eat a balanced, nutritious, reasonable diet and exercise. I am building habits that carry me through a bad case of the "don't wannas". I am increasing my knowledge and understanding of nutrition and fitness. Just as my husband and I have build habits into our marriage that help carry us thru, so I'm doing with my health. This isn't will power. This is a carefully formed and executed plan to develop healthy habits.

I'll save the willpower for other areas of my life..... like getting that backyard patio put together.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MENNOLY 4/12/2012 6:39PM

    Sounds like you are doing great! Interesting analogy of approaching your relationship with nutrition/health in the same way as you approach a relationship with your husband. Good luck on getting your patio done.

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2BFREE2LIVE 4/12/2012 1:03PM

    emoticonblog. We learn so much about our bodies and our minds during our journey to reach our goals.
Your right willpower will get you through many things in your life however it takes commitment and determination to reach your healthy weight goal.
Every day there will be new challenges and new opportunities to test our your new found desire to reach your goal.
Best wishes on your journey. Sandy

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SUNSHINEBLUE77 4/12/2012 9:03AM

    I really needed to read this post this morning! You CAN do this! For me, I always feel the need to be in control except when it comes to my health, diet, and exercise- its almost like I want to let something else have the control- and that something else seemed to be the couch and the refrigerator lol!

Thanks for posting! Hope all is well too!!!!!
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IMAJEAN0178 4/11/2012 11:29PM

    Great point. Thanks for sharing.

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DAREDEVILME 4/11/2012 10:56PM

    You sound like you've made a really strong commitment. You have thought your way through this really well.

I'm with you all the way!!

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Ugh.... SO GLAD to be back to my usual routine today!

Monday, April 09, 2012

I had my game plan all set for yesterday, and theoretically, I did really well. I didn't track my food, but when I guestimate it, I'd say I still stayed within my calorie range.

Breakfast was my usual oatmeal, then we headed off to church.

Lunch consisted of ham, green salad with low fat ranch dressing, fresh fruit salad, and roasted asparagus ... ALL these are part of my usual diet. BUT! I indulged in about 1 cup of my mom's potato salad (it just doesn't get better than mom's!), 2 deviled egg halves (made with low fat mayo), and 1 cupcake.

And I felt AWFUL! Just plan gross all afternoon. Bloated, gassy, tummy aches, lethargic, etc. Just felt awful.

About 7 pm, I was hungry (hadn't eaten since the cupcake at 3pm). I made a bagel thin with skinny cow cream cheese (my absolute fav item right now) and lean turkey meat. It's 200 calories. That was my whole dinner.

I finally went to bed about 10:30, knowing that I wasn't going to feel any better no matter what I did.

This morning I am back on my usual routine. I eat small amounts frequently. That's what works for me. And I feel MUCH better doing that. I also had time in my schedule to hit the gym already this morning. That also made me feel better.

Ugh.... next time I want to indulge, I'm going to remember how awful it makes me feel. And I didn't even TOUCH my daughter's candy!


My Easter holiday game plan!

Saturday, April 07, 2012

This is my first major holiday since I got myself back on track in January. I've gone back and forth about how to approach the meal tomorrow, and all the goodies and treats we usually do. But I think I've come up with a plan that I'm okay with.

First ... I'm not tracking my food tomorrow. I've given myself permission to do this, with a few guidelines that should help me keep my intake reasonable.

Second... Breakfast will be my usual fare of oatmeal. Start out with some good fuel.

Third... A few simple changes to lighten up the meal:
Instead of the usual high sugar fruit salads (usually with marshmallows) I am opting for a fresh fruit salad of strawberries, grapes, bananas, apples, and pineapple. Simple and healthy.

I bought a lean ham without glaze that I'm heating in the crockpot.

We are having a green salad loaded with veggies that I can pair with my Cottage Cheese Ranch dressing (Sooooo good for about 40 calories for 1/4 cup).

Instead of some veggie with bacon or butter added, I'm roasting some asparagus.

I'm lightening up the deviled eggs with low-fat mayo.

My mom is making potato salad but I will keep my portion size small.

I've decided to skip a bunny cake that leaves us with a ridiculous amount of left over cake, or lemon meringue pie loaded with calories. Instead, we bough some cutely decorated cupcakes. Dessert for 200 calories? I can do that. My daughter is thrilled with them, and I'm not stuck with a bunch of left over cake.

Fourth.... After dinner, I'm back to my regular caloric intake.

Anyway.... that's MY game plan. I'm okay with it. What's your plan?


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