Thursday, August 12, 2010
Change. It's a dirty word sometimes. It brings with it anxiety and fear. It can also bring hope and light. Change is coming in my life. In fact... I think it's here!
I've been a member of a message board for 2 1/2 years. What started as some friendships on a birth board while we were all pregnant morphed into a tightly group of 30 women I spoke with daily. But somewhere, something went wrong. One person's actions and words infected the group for me. Tainted everything good about it. So, in order to preserve the good relationships I have with other women, I chose to delet myself.
If you ask my husband, it's the internet... a message board. No big deal! Move on! For me... it was huge. It's the first time in a long time that I risked feeling "alone" or "lonely" rather than allow myself to be abused, talked down to, belittled, or just treated poorly. It was me standing up for me. It was me being a best friend to myself. What a new feeling! I AM IN CONTROL OF ME!
And instead of crying, instead of being sad, I feel relieved. I feel like I'm able to shrug off their misconceptions about me. Able to continue to focus on myself. In the past, I'd have stayed and simply ate to bury my feelings of inadequacy and being unliked. But rather than old harmful habits, I chatted with a few REAL friends, got a good night's sleep, and woke up motivated to make healthy choices today.
Hmmm.... Change. Not always bad.