Monday, November 14, 2011
I'm frustrated and find myself spending time at work trolling the internet for some magical answer...never a good idea. I'm gaining weight - not that you can tell from the ticker that I refuse to move up. I'm not 213 and change. I'm at 218.2. There. I said it. I have gained oh, I don't know 5 POUNDS in the last few weeks. Of course I attributed the gain to period water retention and waited and waited and waited for it to fall back off. Nothing. S**t. It's not water.
I'm working out pretty regularly and working my butt off when I do. Cursing that one can't lose weight simply through exercise. If it's not water, not exercise. That means only one thing...my eating. The one thing I HATE to change. I love food. Not all food. I don't love lima beans, peas, tomatoes, cucumbers or any thing from the melon family. I love food that tastes good and has absolutely no shred of nutritional value. For an added bonus, I love all food that has a ghastly amount of calories. Yep. That's what I love. Pizza? Crave. Candy? Where...it's mine. Chips? Whole bag please!
I've done the weight loss math more times than I can count. I want this process to be a simple math equation. Eat this (even if it's crap calories), expend this and you get a 1-2 lb weight loss each week. But it doesn't work that way. For a few weeks, I eat the calorie amounts, meet my exercise goal and . Right. Nothing. Turns out it's not simple math. It actually matters WHAT you put in your mouth, not just the calorie count of what you eat.
This realization makes me want to pout. Stomp my feet. Take my ball and go home. In short, it makes me want to quit.
I review other people's daily food logs and think "how in the world can they eat like that!" Spinach? Cucumbers? And it seems as though everyone eats a lot of the same things day after day. I'm in trouble.
This leaves me where you ask? It leaves me scouring the internet in desperate search of something that will click with me. Thinking of going low carb for a while. See if that triggers something. I'm borderline IR, so the low carb thing makes sense. And if I go low carb, I have to give up the crap food I covet so much. Don't know what I'm going to replace it with exactly. Seems more searching is needed. Also thinking about easing up on exercise. I know that seems counterintuitive, but I read on SP that you should first try getting your diet to the point where you're losing 1-2 pounds per week. THEN you should add exercise. Seeking feedback on that idea so chime on in.
I have confessed my sins for the day. Must get back to my internet searching.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
I decided to buy a new scale...a digital one...to replace the relic of a scale that has long since passed it's prime. New scale reads much heavier. Like 7 pounds heavier. I couldn't believe how much I weighed, so I made the whole family weigh themselves on it about 10 times each. I must have looked like an insane person. The scale was spot on for each of them. So it must have been right for me too. Something about seeing the actual numbers on the scale makes it so much more real.
I refuse to adjust my weight ticker though. I'm just going to lose the weight it takes to make the ticker right.
So I have a new scale. It was time to face reality. Real reality.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Ahhh...the honesty of children. This is what my son told me the other morning. Just days before that, my 4 yo daughter asked me if I had a baby in my belly. Just for the record...no, I'm not pregnant.
Yes, my children are still alive and no, I'm not writing this from a prison computer. They are honest. To a fault. They are simply stating what is true. I used to be fatter. I've lost weight, but I'm still a little fat.
I dream of the day when my kids tell me how skinny I am. They will know how hard I worked to get there making the victory over my weight all the sweeter.
p.s. I'm hungry.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Just got around to logging my food for yesterday's gorgefest. Over 3000 calories...in one day...Holy CRAP! I started off, as always, with the best of intentions. Good breakfast, Day whatever of the Shred, and then spiraled out of control. Went with the kiddos to Steak N Shake and everyone was getting shakes, so I did too. Figured out today that there were 1000 calories in the shake. A day's worth of calories in one flippin' (though really good) shake. Not to mention the cheese fries, sandwich, and all the other junk I ate and ate and ate all day. This tracking thing is really eye opening. I have to stick with it - it's the ONLY way for me to lose weight.
Now all I can do is move forward having learned a very valuable lesson. I could have gone to the same place, made vastly different food choices, taken a sip of someone else's shake and never felt like I was depriving myself. In fact, I would've felt proud of myself. Lesson learned...for today anyway.
Friday, August 26, 2011
On day 6 of the Shred and doing pretty well if I do say so myself! Not too sore, but I'm HATING the jumping jacks and butt kicks. Doing them, but cussing the whole time. Anywoo...weighed in and lost a couple of pounds. Yeah me! 9 pounds away from the 100s. Nine flippin' pounds. And this time, no fear. No excuses. No sabatoge. I'm getting below 200. Now that I've identified this mental block, I have no other choice than to push through it.
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