JONAH23   2,896
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JONAH23's Recent Blog Entries

when one wants and the other doesn't...

Thursday, January 26, 2012

I'm Jonah. My partner and I have 2 wonderful daughters, ages 3 and 7. We've been together 12 years. Before the birth of our second child, all the way back to when we first started dating, we were always in agreement that we should have no more than 2 children. We thought "never be outnumbered by your kids" was a pretty good belief.

About 3 months after the birth of our second child something changed. For me, anyways.

I want to have a 3rd. With all the intensity of anything I have ever wanted in my entire life. I had an awful pregnancy with our youngest (my partner had the first), which should have solidified my need never to have another child. Our youngest child is quite a handful, fitting into that category of "highly spirited child" that only certain parents understand...

My partner is equally intense about NOT having a third. and in our household, there is no "oops"...

most days i can ignore the need, the silent but strong urge, the lump in my throat knowing that we are having no more children and there is nothing I can do, despite having completely functional reproductive organs, to change that.

And then, something happens.
A dream, where I am pregnant, or nursing (something I was unable to do first time around due to a previous surgery), or a friend's new baby....

But today something hit home that was hardest of all to handle.

Our best friends, who have 2 children the same age as ours, who also were NEVER HAVING A THIRD CHILD, are starting the process of getting pregnant for the 3rd time.
They were in the same place we were, the last time we talked about it - one of them wanted to have a 3rd child, and the other adamantly did NOT. and nothing was going to change that.
Until it did. and now we're babysitting their two little boys so that they can work on the one thing in the world that I want and can't have.

I should be so happy for them.
but I'm not.
I'm so selfish.
But heartbroken.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWBIEBAIT 1/26/2012 11:09PM

    My husband and I are currently going through this. We talk every night about why it is and is not a good idea to have another baby. I'm very negative about having another one, however do not want to deny him from feeling complete. I'm still on the fence about it. My 3 yr old, though very active, is loving and attentive to her 8month old brother and it makes me less hesitant about having another.

You should definitely talk to your partner about the feelings you are having. I don't want to bring in the "If they love you" speech, but I do hope they can try to understand what you are feeling and unless it is for health reasons that you shouldn't have a baby, I would hope that they will allow this for you and for your children.

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the glory weeks are OVER

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

i remember this last time. the first 2 weeks I lost 4 pounds each week. After that, the weight loss slowed down. And I sort of gave up.
The same thing is happening this time. I lost 4 pounds the first week, about 4 pounds the 2nd week, and this past week I lost 2 pounds. The difference this time? I'M STILL TRACKING. I'm going to the gym, which I wasn't before, and I'm still being super diligent about tracking my food.
I just have to keep in my head that 1-2 lbs is the amount of weight I want to be losing each week. This is supposed to be a slow process.

Let's see how it goes!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUEINTHEPARK 1/26/2012 1:26AM

    By the way... apart from how you felt when you looked at the scale and didn't see (-4), how do you feel otherwise? How does your body feel? Do you have more energy, feeling good? That is what it's all about!

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SUEINTHEPARK 1/26/2012 1:23AM

    Four pounds lost per week is not sustainable, and 1-2 is quite reasonable and a decent pace to be able to make some lifestyle changes you can keep for the rest of your life. That is the goal, right? I'm guessing you didn't gain 4lbs per week, so it shouldn't need to come off that quickly either, right? Slow and steady wins this race, my friend! Don't be discouraged, you are way ahead of the game!!!!

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JAMBABY0 1/25/2012 7:26PM

    keep going at it and eventually you will get it going.

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water isn't just WATER?

Saturday, January 21, 2012

okay, so i'm a points junkie. which is good, cuz it's keeping me motivated. I decided to do a spark search for my one point. My question? What counts as Water? I mean there is water in almost everything, especially everything we drink. If I have 2 coffees, a tea, and a glass of milk, do I still need to consume 8 cups of plain h2o? A fitting question, as I hate the idea of bottled water and cant' stand the taste of the water in the city I have chosen to live...and until Brita or another filter company makes a glass pitcher system, I won't be using that either...
Up until now, i've been drinking myself to pain getting all my water on top of my other beverages in a day... I drink a lot (not alcohol), always have...just not always plain water. Sadly, in the last years, pop has replaced most of my healthy liquid intake. Hence joining sparkpeople with an amazing 60 lbs to lose...amongst other bad habits... ;P

back to the points junkie thing. What counts as water?
A LOT. Tea counts as water, Coffee counts as water, Juice counts as water, Water counts as water....MOST BEVERAGES count as water. Anything that hydrates! I bet 8 ounces of soup broth counts as water too! The difference between these items and just plain water? Calories/nutrition. It makes way more sense to drink 0 calorie items if you are counting on 64oz in a dayjust think about how much less you are able to eat if you drink 64 oz of apple cider or orange juice.......and conversely, if you're sick and can't eat much, knowing that the 4 bowls of chicken soup, 2 cups of juice, and 2 cups of tea still get you to your liquid goals...and keep you relatively nutritionally balanced as well...

But at least I know now that when I choose to have a beverage with calories, I can still click on that dreaded water glass at least once.

And get my 5 points for 8 cups consumed.

As I said.

Points Junkie.

have a day - make it great!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STLADEE 1/21/2012 7:18PM

    Thanks for the blog I was just wondering if my coffee I drank this morning counted as my water intake! emoticon

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SUEINTHEPARK 1/21/2012 2:31PM

    Thanks for sharing your research! This is good to know!
Get those points!!!!

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JUSTYNA7 1/21/2012 2:17PM

    I count herbal tea as water. Caffeine and alcohol drinks, no because they dehydrate me... so I need to ADD a water each cup of coffee or caffeine tea.

Soup, you be the judge. Lots of broth, I'd say yes.

My kids are lifeguards and very aware of dehydration. If you are exercising or in hot climate or room, then drink water. But here is the thing. If you chug water.... it will go right through you. Your body can only take in a little at a time. So really you are not getting water! Instead try and have small sips, maximum a half cup at a time. I find if I make a huge cup of tea at first it is too hot to drink it all... then I forget it is there and end up drinking it in small amounts. One of my latest favorites is called "gingered lime" which to me tastes like lime koolaid... but it's good for you. Sometimes I make a jug of water with chunks of lemon or lime in it and keep that in the fridge, adding water for a day or two before discarding the fruit. I don't keep a mammoth cup... just a small one, although if I'm in the car I'll bring a water bottle.

Another note is if you are eating small frequent meals then your body appreciates water to help it digest (more work than large meals) and a small amount of water before eating helps with decreasing appetite.

I laugh at the idea of setting a certain amount of water. Instead of counting cups I tend to be more mindful about drinking more and I try and be aware of signs of dehydration like dry eyes, being irritabable, dry skin. But if you are into the points for it then having a water bottle with gradations on it so you know how much you've drunk would help. I used to know that my jug held 6 cups of water in the fridge and my water bottle holds 3 cups..

As for terrible tasting water.... sad. I love our well water and the smartest thing we did was get a fridge with ice and water in the door. 1. Mountain Equipment Co-op and other sports stores have water bottles that have filters in them. 2. For a while our well had a problem with too much salt in our well so I have a water distiller (evaporates the water and the result is pure distilled water with a rather flat flavour but absolutely no minerals or impurities and once it is refrigerated it tastes fine). There are likely people like us who only needed a temporary "fix" so you might find something used on line as the costs can really vary. Now we use the distilled water for the iron and a couple of sensitive house plants. 3. Alternately you can buy filters that go on your tap. Good luck.

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JONAH23 1/21/2012 10:46AM

    LESS nerdy? doesn't learning all the hows and whys make you MORE nerdy? that's not an insult. LOVE those nerds! not the candy, either!
hee hee

thanks for being my friend!

you are gorgeous, BTW! emoticon

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    very good ideas! and I'm a points junkie too :) but I've learned exactly why and how those reward networks work in the brain, so I feel less nerdy about it now!

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why do i do that?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

so i replaced my ninja blender (again)...and i like it. this is it's last try though. i have managed to ruin 2 of the 900 watt ones. now i have a 1000 watt - let's see how it goes!
now getting to the "why do i do that?"
i had a decent lunch, a little heavier than usual, but not over the top. Then I made smoothie. LOTS of smoothie. because well, why wouldn't i make 120oz of smoothie in a 72oz container. So, of course, I drank. almost 400 calories in SMOOTHIE!

not only do I feel bad for having drank my way past my intended caloric intake for this point in the day, but I also feel full, bloated, and generally crappy!

and on top of that, we had swiss chalet for dinner last night. and despite staying within my calories (i think i must have miscalculated, but not sure how), the high fat foods made me feel like yuck, bloaty and gassy...and even too sluggish this morning at the YMCA to work out! And usually I'm pumped at the gym!

ugh. maybe wii later?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JONAH23 1/20/2012 5:32PM

    yup, actually, today i stopped myself part way through a bowl of quinoa for exactly that reason. but i was still a bit late. and what would've been a normal sized breakfast a few weeks back was so big it made me sick......almost literally. and it was just smoothie and a bowl of cereal! funny, considering not too very long ago i'd eat 3/4 of a medium pizza without blinking....
we change for the better so rapidly when we try!
emoticon emoticon

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SUEINTHEPARK 1/20/2012 2:25AM

    Ugh! Don't you hate that bloated feeling, and the self-loathing that comes with it when you realize the mistake of the too-big-portion (of whatever it is, "healthy" food or otherwise)? I feel like such a dolt when I realize "I shouldn't have eaten that... or all of that..." whatever the case might be. As long as we learn from our mistakes, we will eventually come out ahead! That is the benefit of not being perfect!
Here's to a new day!!!

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walking, walking, walking

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

today little B and I took the bus to the mall. And then we wandered the mall for hours, bussed home (ran between busses carrying 30 lb child...), then spent the evening walking and putting things away at work non stop for 3 hours. How do I fit that into my fitness schedule?

Great thing about my job - working in the big box store, they have enough employees across north america that they can do BIG DEAL things for their employees. This Year the big trend is Eating and living well. Funny how well that fits into my current lifestyle goals! And they're giving us all step counters, and we can win prizes for making it to 10,000 steps each day! now i've been wearing a step counter for a few weeks off and on, and with my kiddos being so young and active, even just a lazy couch day has me clocking 12000 steps! i'd LOVE to win one of those cruises as a prize... sweetness!

How come it's actually FUN this time to try and lose weight? Why am I enjoying this challenge so much? weird. never liked it before...

and the visits to the YMCA seem to have saved my sanity.. a couple of hours several times a week just for me. No chores, no kid (at playcare), no distractions. Just time for me. And one day, I'll even like what "me" looks like in the mirror again!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WEIGHTSLAYER2 1/18/2012 2:04AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOTIVATED@LAST 1/18/2012 12:25AM

    Sounds like a great and active day!

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SUEINTHEPARK 1/17/2012 11:28PM

    It's fun this time because you are motivated, and you aren't viewing it as something you have to do, rather you are having fun with it and rising to the daily challenges that you are giving yourself! It sounds like you have made a lifestyle change for the better!

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