Thursday, January 26, 2012
I'm Jonah. My partner and I have 2 wonderful daughters, ages 3 and 7. We've been together 12 years. Before the birth of our second child, all the way back to when we first started dating, we were always in agreement that we should have no more than 2 children. We thought "never be outnumbered by your kids" was a pretty good belief.
About 3 months after the birth of our second child something changed. For me, anyways.
I want to have a 3rd. With all the intensity of anything I have ever wanted in my entire life. I had an awful pregnancy with our youngest (my partner had the first), which should have solidified my need never to have another child. Our youngest child is quite a handful, fitting into that category of "highly spirited child" that only certain parents understand...
My partner is equally intense about NOT having a third. and in our household, there is no "oops"...
most days i can ignore the need, the silent but strong urge, the lump in my throat knowing that we are having no more children and there is nothing I can do, despite having completely functional reproductive organs, to change that.
And then, something happens.
A dream, where I am pregnant, or nursing (something I was unable to do first time around due to a previous surgery), or a friend's new baby....
But today something hit home that was hardest of all to handle.
Our best friends, who have 2 children the same age as ours, who also were NEVER HAVING A THIRD CHILD, are starting the process of getting pregnant for the 3rd time.
They were in the same place we were, the last time we talked about it - one of them wanted to have a 3rd child, and the other adamantly did NOT. and nothing was going to change that.
Until it did. and now we're babysitting their two little boys so that they can work on the one thing in the world that I want and can't have.
I should be so happy for them.
but I'm not.
I'm so selfish.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
i remember this last time. the first 2 weeks I lost 4 pounds each week. After that, the weight loss slowed down. And I sort of gave up.
The same thing is happening this time. I lost 4 pounds the first week, about 4 pounds the 2nd week, and this past week I lost 2 pounds. The difference this time? I'M STILL TRACKING. I'm going to the gym, which I wasn't before, and I'm still being super diligent about tracking my food.
I just have to keep in my head that 1-2 lbs is the amount of weight I want to be losing each week. This is supposed to be a slow process.
Let's see how it goes!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
okay, so i'm a points junkie. which is good, cuz it's keeping me motivated. I decided to do a spark search for my one point. My question? What counts as Water? I mean there is water in almost everything, especially everything we drink. If I have 2 coffees, a tea, and a glass of milk, do I still need to consume 8 cups of plain h2o? A fitting question, as I hate the idea of bottled water and cant' stand the taste of the water in the city I have chosen to live...and until Brita or another filter company makes a glass pitcher system, I won't be using that either...
Up until now, i've been drinking myself to pain getting all my water on top of my other beverages in a day... I drink a lot (not alcohol), always have...just not always plain water. Sadly, in the last years, pop has replaced most of my healthy liquid intake. Hence joining sparkpeople with an amazing 60 lbs to lose...amongst other bad habits... ;P
back to the points junkie thing. What counts as water?
A LOT. Tea counts as water, Coffee counts as water, Juice counts as water, Water counts as water....MOST BEVERAGES count as water. Anything that hydrates! I bet 8 ounces of soup broth counts as water too! The difference between these items and just plain water? Calories/nutrition. It makes way more sense to drink 0 calorie items if you are counting on 64oz in a dayjust think about how much less you are able to eat if you drink 64 oz of apple cider or orange juice.......and conversely, if you're sick and can't eat much, knowing that the 4 bowls of chicken soup, 2 cups of juice, and 2 cups of tea still get you to your liquid goals...and keep you relatively nutritionally balanced as well...
But at least I know now that when I choose to have a beverage with calories, I can still click on that dreaded water glass at least once.
And get my 5 points for 8 cups consumed.
As I said.
have a day - make it great!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
so i replaced my ninja blender (again)...and i like it. this is it's last try though. i have managed to ruin 2 of the 900 watt ones. now i have a 1000 watt - let's see how it goes!
now getting to the "why do i do that?"
i had a decent lunch, a little heavier than usual, but not over the top. Then I made smoothie. LOTS of smoothie. because well, why wouldn't i make 120oz of smoothie in a 72oz container. So, of course, I drank. almost 400 calories in SMOOTHIE!
not only do I feel bad for having drank my way past my intended caloric intake for this point in the day, but I also feel full, bloated, and generally crappy!
and on top of that, we had swiss chalet for dinner last night. and despite staying within my calories (i think i must have miscalculated, but not sure how), the high fat foods made me feel like yuck, bloaty and gassy...and even too sluggish this morning at the YMCA to work out! And usually I'm pumped at the gym!
ugh. maybe wii later?
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
today little B and I took the bus to the mall. And then we wandered the mall for hours, bussed home (ran between busses carrying 30 lb child...), then spent the evening walking and putting things away at work non stop for 3 hours. How do I fit that into my fitness schedule?
Great thing about my job - working in the big box store, they have enough employees across north america that they can do BIG DEAL things for their employees. This Year the big trend is Eating and living well. Funny how well that fits into my current lifestyle goals! And they're giving us all step counters, and we can win prizes for making it to 10,000 steps each day! now i've been wearing a step counter for a few weeks off and on, and with my kiddos being so young and active, even just a lazy couch day has me clocking 12000 steps! i'd LOVE to win one of those cruises as a prize... sweetness!
How come it's actually FUN this time to try and lose weight? Why am I enjoying this challenge so much? weird. never liked it before...
and the visits to the YMCA seem to have saved my sanity.. a couple of hours several times a week just for me. No chores, no kid (at playcare), no distractions. Just time for me. And one day, I'll even like what "me" looks like in the mirror again!
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