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Wanted to Share.

Monday, April 07, 2014

This morning I woke up to the news that Mikey Rooney had Died. Looking at some of the post and photo's of him I came across this one. So with his passing I found one of his quotes. I think I need to share.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TATTER3 4/7/2014 4:29PM

    Keep Sparkin'!! Never heard the news! Sad to think of the rest of that generation of stars passing!

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GARDENQE2 4/7/2014 12:12PM

    He was one of the greats, and he had wisdom as well.
Thanks for sharing!

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BOB5148 4/7/2014 10:14AM

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JERZRN 4/7/2014 9:27AM

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WhooHoo! I have been back for 6 days

Saturday, July 20, 2013

So here I am back again. I did not think that I was quite ready to jump in. I wanted to take the summer off to get my head around my depression and get back in shape. My husband said we cannot afford it but agreed because he would like to see me smile again.

So the first 2 weeks I did nothing. Most days I did not get dressed. I did wash the dishes because DH and DD leaves on Monday to go to work and comes home on Friday night. That alone being home alone is tough. ( Well not totally alone when my father died he left me Uncle Bill (75 year old man with the beginnings of dementia.)

OK blah, blah so much of the depressing stuff. To my surprise I feel better and ready to do this. I know how I did it a few years ago. Although I am not ready to put on my dancing shoes I am indeed ready to get dressed and walk. It is a start.

Want to thank my spark friends who are still here and remember me and has welcomed me back. I am sure I will be that "Dancing Spark Girl" soon.

thanks again Friends.
hugs JO

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSAMARCELLE 8/4/2013 3:53PM

    Welcome back. Just take a step at a time. Getting out and walking is a big achievement. emoticon emoticon

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BUFFYSMOM2 7/23/2013 10:23AM

    Welcome back, Sparkie! It will come back slowly. You still got it!!!
Hugs!
Patti emoticon

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YATMAMA 7/21/2013 12:01AM

    Hi, sweetheart. I'm so sorry it has been such a difficult time for you. Getting dressed and getting ready to walk are very good things and I am so proud of you. On one of those alone days, when would be a good time to call you? Can you message me your number again, please? We are overdue for a chatfest, girlfriend. I love you. *hugs&kisses*

Missy

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TATTER3 7/20/2013 5:11PM

    Just hang in there and keep Sparkin'!!!

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DEEDAYE 7/20/2013 12:41PM

    Too much time alone is not good when you are down. So keep reaching out to us here. I love having the summer off from work, but often find so much free time make me feel bored and lonely. I'm here for you!

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ANATASHIKI 7/20/2013 12:08PM

    just stay with us no matter how depressed you are . I'm in deep sh*t right now and very tempted to turn my spark page off , hide in hole and cry my butt off but I know what it will happen. nobody will come to get me so I still would have to stand up by myself. and gaining 50 pounds back won't make me feel better. start with little things , I don't know , track a meal every day , you know what to do. we're here if you need us
emoticon kori

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RIDLEYRIDER 7/20/2013 9:47AM

  Welcome back! One day at a time, and you WILL succeed! emoticon

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a lot of blah, blah, blah

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Thought I needed to write and hope this makes me feel better.

Shortly after mom's passing my husband tells me I have to move. This recession has hit us. Rex has been in and out of jobs for 4 years now. We were able to keep afloat hanging on our life jackets. Well with my surgery, shingles and looking after my mom, I lost about 3 months of work. Since I work for myself there was no employment insurance and no income. Ouch.

So he had this great Idea that we sell our house and move. Didn't like it but understood. So he tossed it back and forth and could not make a decision. As I run a small daycare it was important to me to have an ending date. The parents of my charges need to get a replacement child care giver. (Apparently I am hard to replace)

So stupid me told him it is now or never. I could not live with my roller coaster of emotions each time he brought it up. So our house went up for sale and it sold in less then 2 weeks. Now we had to find a place to live in 7 weeks. We went looking in several towns. Looked at many houses and not one of them I could call home.

So Erica, my daughter said why not Niagara Falls Ontario. She is going to graduate school there this year. We thought we would never be able to afford it. Who wants to live in a tourist town? Not me for one. So we looked around a little, then some more. I think we spent a total of 12 days going back and forth, looking for a home. In those 12 days we never came across tourist traffic in July and August. So the long and short of it is we are moving tomorrow to Niagara Falls Ontario.

Sounds like an easy transition. The truth is I don't want to go. There are many reasons. One being my father. We will be 3.5 hours away from him if DH drives. For me to get there it will take close to 6 hours. Number two reason is I don't do highway driving. I will have to take the back roads. My father is not a well man. He always said it took the tree of them to make one healthy person. (Mom, dad & Uncle Bill) Now mom is gone it is only the 2 of them. Dad is the brains, Uncle bill the mussels and mom the cook and the nagger that got things done.

Third reason would be my daycare. I love my kids. My daycare has become my Identity. It is where I am at my best. . Going to the schools picking up and dropping off my daycare kids for 16 years has made me a big part of my community. A sense of belonging and being needed.

I don't want to talk about my weight. I have not got on the scales. but I am sure I must be up to 250 lbs. I was in onederland a year ago. My stress level high, my motivation very low.

So right now I suppose to packing up my computer desk. The last thing to be packed up. I don't even know what brought me to my spark page. I guess I had to write what I was feeling. Is funny that when I am at my worst and my best I always come to my spark page. I feel it comforting. Wish I came daily when all this stuff was going on. Maybe I would have been able to face these life changes with a better frame of mind.

So here goes yet another phase of my life. A new adventure! I know I should be feeling like I should be putting on bright color tights and a supper hero cape to fly bravely to the unknown. to go where no man has gone before. Except the 14 million visitors Niagara falls gets each year.

So as I am typing this I am counting my blessings. I have many. I guess I should be saying Look out Niagara Jo is coming to town.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SECRETMUSIC 9/9/2012 7:59PM

    Such mixed feelings this must bring for you! Close to your wonderful daughter, farther from your dad. Are you thinking of taking on more day care kiddos? Please know we are all thinking of you.

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BE-THE-CHANGE 8/31/2012 10:47PM

    Jo, it is good to hear from you. I am sorry you are going through such upheaval right now. But I agree with Missy. I think in the long run this will be good for you. And as you make the transition, you have your SparkFriends to lean on.
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SUSAN134 8/28/2012 10:34PM

    ((((Jo)))))...I've missed you girl! You have certainly had your share of upheaval in the past year and I'm sincerely hoping that once this move is over and you are settled
that some serenity will come your way. It will be tough being so far from your Dad, but if you can plan to visit him as often as possible it will help those unsettled feelings you have.

Sending you mega positive vibes for a smooth move and a happy new location....please let us know how it goes and know that we are all here 'mentally' helping with your move!

Hugs!

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BUFFYSMOM2 8/28/2012 1:06PM

    Darn, girl! You are hard to keep track of! Congratulations on your move! I am so excited for you! A new start and near your daughter.....what more could you ask for?!
Woo Hoo! As new starts go...they are rough and bumpy but exciting and challenging.
Are you ready for the challenge? I KNOW you are!
Hugs!
Patti emoticon

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ANATASHIKI 8/28/2012 12:15PM

    it's very hard to do such a change especially after an age(and I'm thinking at me , not at you :D ) . it probably has a meaning and you'll probably find out why did this happen later . one way or the other it's already done. I'm sure you'll have no trouble to find new bonds there and don't worry , all those tourists won't visit your house emoticon unless you don't invite them emoticon 6 hours is not much , maybe you'll learn how to drive on the highway and I'm sure the 2 of them will manage . you could have lived at 3 days distance or on another continent . don't forget meanwhile that you still are the most important person in your life and try to take care of you too , even if just a little emoticon

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YATMAMA 8/28/2012 11:44AM

    *hugs* I know this is not easy for you. Know that you have friends standing with you. I suspect the day will come when you will be very thankful for this move. In the meantime, I hope the transition goes easy as possible for you. We are hunkered down, awaiting Isaac's arrival. He's heading right for us, due to hit sometime in the wee hours of tomorrow morning. The fact that today is Katrina's anniversary is just too freaky. Love you much, my friend.



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SWEESIN 8/28/2012 9:22AM

    Hi, Jo so nice to hear from you. Read my latest blog Memories. It touches on change. It is the changes in life, good or bad, that cause us stress. All change is not bad. All change is not good. However it does gives us chance to grow. almost 13 years ago now my ex and husband of 19 years went phliandering on the internet and found him a new honey. I was to turn age 50. I was over 400 pounds. I nearly died from stress asthma. Then a leg injury and under a plastic surgeon's care for a year due to the injury and being found to be diabetic.
I had a year of reflective thinking and self analysis. It was a good year for personal growth. I have shared many of those analyses on this site in blogs.
I have found that our Lord and Savior does NOT close a door that another does not open. He has provided me many angels in the past year of change since my son has gone. I am up about 12 pounds but stabilizing. I continue to come here daily and to track and read. I come here mostly to share.
I am sure God has put you where you are for reasons that only He has planned. Be open to the change and face it with a positivity. Your dad needs to learn to stand on his own too. You need to let him grow. He will let you know when he needs you.
God bless you my friend. Love in Christ, Cyndi emoticon

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tired of writing sad blogs......

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Hopefully this will be the last of sad blogs. I just read my last blog from February. Things have gone from bad to worse.

Since I wrote that blog I had an infection in my eye. It was so bad I was hooked up to an IV for a week. The swelling went down only to reveal I had shingles in my eye. On the medication for that for 3 days and had to meet my mom in the hospital. A day later she passed away in my arms.

Dad wanted a private funeral. I did what he wanted. Truth is I wanted to see mom's friends and family to hear their stories of mom. I feel cheated out of the whole reason we have funerals.

It has been a few weeks since mom has been gone. I was hoping that my life would get back to normal. I can't see that happening soon. There is always going to be obstacles in life. Most of the time I welcome a challenge. This time life got me down. I thought I had beat my "eat it to feel better" habit. Apparently not.

Not only have I been sick and mom passing I am up in weight I am 215lbs. I had gotten down to 185 just before Christmas. So that is 30 lbs UP in 3 months.

I keep saying that I will never be the fat girl again. I don't want to be. I know what to do. I have all the tools, I have my spark friends. What I don't have is the drive. My get up and go just got up and left.

Blah, blah blah woe is me. My life sounds like a country and western song. This is where I am suppose type in I am ready willing and able to get back on track. This is where I promise myself that this will never happen again. I never make promises that I can't keep. So what I am promising myself is that I will not lie to me. I will take full responsibility of all my actions. I will not make up excuses for eating that bowl (I mean tub) of ice cream. It will not be because it will make me feel better.


My mom 20 years ago. Of all the photo's of mom, this one truly represents her personally the best.

Ruby Helen Fudge
1936-2012

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUFFYSMOM2 4/25/2012 8:10PM

    Ruby Helen Fudge is BEAUTIFUL!!!! Thanks for sharing her with us.
I'm sorry you had such a bad eye infection...shingles! WTF! My Dr. keeps telling me to get that shot but it's $200! I hope you got yours now. It's ok your dad wanted it private. You have all the memories and he probably just couldn't do it. And your weight gain, TOTALLY normal in the grieving process. You'll get down again and there's no race to get there. Take care of the inner you. My heart breaks for you and your family.
Hugs!
Patti emoticon

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TEMPERANCE88 4/22/2012 2:46PM

    emoticon emoticon

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YATMAMA 4/22/2012 2:40PM

    Oh, honey, I'm so very sorry for your loss. *hugs* You are in my prayers and thoughts, always. Sending love to you across the miles, too many blasted miles.

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SWEESIN 4/22/2012 8:46AM

    Hi Jo. I want you to know that I care about you. I have lost mom when I was 43, dad when I was 42 and my son when I was 62. Loss of a loved one is never easy.
Looking at that picture of your mom shows she loved life and adventure and now she is on an adventure that we will all take one day.. She will prepare her and your new home. SHe will be waiting to greet you. The greatest thing is that she will never trully leave you. The memories come running back at unusal times, and wonderful ways. The good memories will bring laughter and tears; the sad ones peace and teacs. Those memories will all comfort you.
By all means have a gathering of friends and share all that you all need too. Her closest friends need to express feelinggs too.
Remember she will watch over you always and that she will somehow send messages to comfort you when you need them.

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ANATASHIKI 4/22/2012 4:42AM

    I'm sorry for your loss. you're just having a hard time in your life. mourn as long as you need to and don't repress any feeling. there is no golden rule that we have to be happy all the time. or perfect . sounds like a good idea to me too if you need it. send your father away if it's too much for him .and don't give up on yourself and don't give up hope. it will pass. better times will come, maybe sooner than you think.
emoticon kori

Comment edited on: 4/22/2012 4:43:08 AM

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BE-THE-CHANGE 4/22/2012 4:35AM

    Jo, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.

You can write a sad blog whenever you feel you need to. That's what friends are for. We are hear when you need us to listen.

I think LARKSONGRUTH has a great idea there. You can have some sort of gathering on your own. I think it's really important to be able to share your memories and hear other people's stories about your mom.
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LARKSONGRUTH 4/22/2012 1:08AM

    You might consider hosting some sort of a get together to commemorate your mother's life. Invite some of her closest friends and family. That way your father won't be overwhelmed with that, but you and they will have a chance to celebrate your mother's life.

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I don't know if I am back.

Monday, February 13, 2012

It has been close to 3 months since I have sparked. I have gained 20 pounds in that 3 months,. Not good. I am feeling a little low. No I am feeling Real low.

I still have a wonderful life. Family, friends and a job. What is missing? I keep asking myself that. I think I have found it. I have not self worth. Sure I talk the talk, but can't find the strength to walk the walk.

I had my knee surgery in December just before Christmas. I am doing much better but not as good as I would like. I did not work for almost 6 weeks. That means no pay for 6 weeks. That is what I get for being self employed. I guess there is some benefits working for "the man".

I just got back to work and mom asks me to go to the doctors with her. She fells fine but the diagnose is Pancreas Cancer. 6 months to maybe a year. Tough pill to swallow. I am sure she has made piece with it, Me I know what to expect, I understand that I am in for a whole new journey in my life. Not an exciting journey but one that will have to be taken.

many, many people go through times just like this and worse. They make it through a little scared, stronger and wiser. Me I am not a smart women, nor am I strong. Actually I have been compared to a wet noodle more then once.

One of my big fears is that I am going to eat my way through the next year. I have already gained 20lbs back. When I eat I still do my self awareness questions. I always ask 1. am I hungry? 2. Is this the best choose I can make. 3. do I really ned it? And I will answer no to all 3 questions and eat it anyway. Two hard years it took me to be self aware of what I was putting in my body and in a matter of weeks all is lost.

I know that I have to look after me to help my mom. I know that I must be in strong physical as well as mental health to get through the next few months. It is hard for me to put my needs first. It took me more then 50 years to learn that I was important. One of my best findings on Sparkpeople.

I hope to find the inner strength everyday to log onto sparkpeople and to find the time for me but I have been saying that for a month now. I am here today. Since I have been writhing this blog I have had to change 2 diapers, potty 2. Talk to a parent of one of my charges who came today who is not on the schedule talk to the car mechanic, locate my receipt book and start lunch for 6 kids,.

I guess I better end this blog the lunch timer is about to go off. I just wanted to let you know what was happening and why I have not answered my spark mails.

jo

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEGREEN13 2/21/2012 1:04AM

    One day at a time, dear SparkFriend. Your blog truly touched me.

Remember you have lots of love and support here. You did the right thing checking in.

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BE-THE-CHANGE 2/19/2012 7:23AM

    I am sorry about your mom, Jo.

I hope you stay here. I know I do much better when I Spark. And you have lots of people here who care about you.

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BUFFYSMOM2 2/14/2012 2:11PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your Mom, Jo. And your knee surgery....I'm sorry I didn't know about that either. I've been focusing on me and mine too much lately. I'm praying for you and your mom. Stay positive and focused, my dear friend. emoticon

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SECRETMUSIC 2/13/2012 5:00PM

    Oh, Jo, what a difficult time for you! Remember what is important, who is important, and when is important. I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts!

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TOPS-TORTOISE 2/13/2012 4:49PM

    I'm so sorry about your mother. We lost my dad 18 years ago. It was lung cancer. It doesn't seem like it's been that long already. I'm glad you're back to sparking again. You'll need to take care of yourself now more than ever so you don't eat your way through this and gain more. That's how I tend to deal with stress too, but the comfort is only temporary, and then I feel miserable. Reach out for other ways to deal with the stress, blog, talk to someone, learn a new craft, anything except eating. You'll find the strength to make it somehow. Enjoy the time you have and make the most of it. I had some good heart to heart conversations with my dad during that time and learned a lot of things I didn't know about him. I saw him not just as my dad, but in a different light. I will always treasure that. God bless you, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

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SWEESIN 2/13/2012 3:35PM

    JoJo, you can get back on board. I know that you can. Being pulled in so many directions is way to hard on us emotional eaters. In times like yours, I just think to myself- she would want me to be healthy: I need to be healthy to attend to her needs and mine; I need to be here for good times as well as bad ones; I need to keep moving forward. What was it that Superman used to say, UP UP AND Away. Please read my blog. It is what it is my friend. I know where you are but you are strong and can change the direction.
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JAMARIGOLD 2/13/2012 2:40PM

    I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time. Will you be able to get help and support from Hospice? I understand how hard it is not to turn to food in stressful times. I've gained back everything I lost when I first joined SP. But the good news is that we're here, and so are you. There's lots of love and support for you here. I wish I had a magic wand but all I can do is send positive thoughts and tons of {{{hugs}}}.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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YATMAMA 2/13/2012 2:27PM

    Oh, Jo. *hugs* I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Cherish every moment. That's all we can do. I hope your knee is healing well. I have missed you. I've been away for a bit, too, and have also gained back weight that was very hard to get off in the first place. It will be no easier getting it off the second time, I know. We will, however, make it. I pray for God's help in this new season of life. Where you are weak, He is strong within you. I'm a phone call away, sweet one. I love you.

Missy

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ANATASHIKI 2/13/2012 2:20PM

    I'm sorry to hear that . but try to find another self defense mechanism . think you will ruin your surgery if you gain it back.I know what you are talking about , my father died of lung cancer when I was 16 . the heaviest burden wasn't on me but it was still a hard thing to deal with.it will pass, all will pass . do you really have to hurt yourself now when you need all your strength? wouldn't it be better to love yourself and make good choices for your body and your heart?
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AUNTYEVIL 2/13/2012 12:59PM

    All I can do is keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Remember, Lady--you do have friends here.

{{{{{hugs}}}}

E
lizabeth

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BOO-SHAY 2/13/2012 12:59PM

    I've been in your shoes. I had lost over 100 pounds when my mother in law became ill and we took her into our home. I loved her very much and it was a very stressful time. After she passed away my husband went into a severe depression and I was busy eating my way through the stress and gaining all of the weight back.

Find someone you can talk too about your situation, look for ways to deal with your stress, i.e. exercise, new hobbies, or counseling. Maybe talk to your pastor. This will be a very challenging time for you, and you need to take care of your self. Sounds like you may be dealing with some depression too.

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JENN26POINT2 2/13/2012 12:12PM

    Oh geez... I think anyone would turn to food in a situation like yours. I can't even imagine. I have nothing profound or inspiring... just a hug. Hang in there.

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