Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Do you remember when you HAD to answer the telephone to reveal who was calling you? Do you remember those “old days?” I think it was only about twenty years ago.
First came answering machines. Did you ever sit looking at your phone waiting for the message to kick in so you could decide whether you wanted to talk to the person on the other end? Even if ya didn’t, they’d still leave ya a voice mail message. Here comes built in reason number one for not returning the call: “One of the kids must have deleted the message before I could hear it!” The other party would laugh knowingly. They had used the same subterfuge themselves.
We used voice mail at work and if we wanted we could let a whole days’ worth of phone calls back up by simply hitting the little “ignore button” at the base of our phone. Caller ID made it even easier. Phone rings, number appears, little voice in John’s head goes “I don’t wanna talk to THEM.” We just ignore the incoming call. The caller decides if they want to play voice mail roulette and life goes on, no?
I bring this up because I have a client who is notorious for breaking appointments by not showing up and claiming she sent me a text message to cancel the appointment. This has happened more than once. I save my business text messages because I don’t always remember key facts or simply as a reminder. This person blames her carrier, vows to switch to whatever provider pops into her head, apologizes profusely and then I fume because I have an hour or so on my hands with nothing to do. I know what you are thinking, but I can’t dump her just yet, she’s paid in advance.
Yesterday I struck a blow on behalf of all of us who are fed up with this technological deceit. “Lauren, do you realize this is the fifth time in three weeks you’ve cancelled and blamed your cell phone provider for the message not being delivered?”
Lauren was incensed, to say the least. She demanded to speak to my boss. I told her she was speaking to him. Then I told her that I was considering this latest session she blew off as one to put in the books as completed and that if she didn’t start showing up I’d do the same with future visits. Lauren told me to go somewhere warm and hung up. Hanging up a cell phone just doesn’t have the effect slamming dow a receiver used to, does it?
I’m not sure what I accomplished here but I feel a lot better. BTW: If you ever call me I’ll answer. It’s my curious nature
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
My back and legs are healing. It's a slow process but it's a process that is moving forward. Each day I notice a change, sometimes slight, but a change none-the less. God blessed me with a good chiropractor. She listens to me, has tailored a program for my needs and is positive and encouraging. A good friend that I met here at Spark, asked her chiropractor for some guidelines for me in choosing one for myself. She didn't have to extend herself like that but that's what friends do. It's an unconscious act. It requires no thought. You are there for someone because that's what friends do. I realize in today's world its a bit arcane and old school given the "me first" attitude we see so much and before you relegate this act of kindness as being one old person to another.............. my friend is in her early thirties and could be my daughter. Friendship, real friendship flows like a stream, very natural and very healing and expecting nothing in return except the delight of the one who received it. But I digress.
My chiropractor told me to forget about running 5k's and concentrate on walking a half a block. She gave me a good talk yesterday about building my back and legs back slowly..... Five minutes a day on the elliptical and five minutes on the recumbent cycle. Walking is part of my regimen, three times a day. This will take time and if you know me patience isn't my middle name.
So, I asked God to show me what lessons I'm supposed to learn from all this. The first was a bitter one. A lot of folks I thought were friends - work out buddies, running buddies, even some very athletic Spark friends, have, as the kids say "ditched me." There is even some talk that I am "dogging it." That I'm hiding behind a minor injury because I'm not tough. I have to tell you that part has hurt. I walk or rather hobble into the gym and take ten minutes to walk fifty or sixty feet and people turn away. The trainers who were so supportive a year ago wouldn't know my name if I hung it on poster board around my neck. They are scared, we all are ya know. We are scared the worst could happen to us and if we ignore the worst it wont even come close. I've learned something from them. When I am in parking lot or a store and an older person or an injured person needs the right of way I sit back and let them take as much time as they need to navigate their way. I used to be very impatient, wondering why they wouldn't or couldn't move quicker. Now I know.......... they cant.
I learned the value of true friends. so many of you, in your own way kept at me even when I didn't want to be "kept at." some used humor, some used love and some placed a well deserved boot in my butt. To those who left me I understand, I really do. Until July I was the same way.
So thank you for sticking with me. It's helping my recovery in more ways then you will ever know.
Time to walk.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Musings, Ramblings and a bit of music
Monday, October 10, 2011
I take a step forward and the pain radiates through my hip and buttock. My leg bends a bit. I feel my shoulders tense. My torso grows rigid and my anxiety level starts to creep higher. My hands clench the handle of the grocery cart. It comes and goes and thanks to a really good chiropractor, after one week of work it’s “going.” I tried to push ahead but I was too tense. Inside a small voice directed me. “Even the pain…..” it said. I did an emotional “huh?” “Resist nothing, even the pain.”
While standing in the meat aisle at Kroger, I closed my eyes, relaxed my jaw, and took a few deep breaths. I let the pain rise up, through and out of me. After a moment or so, I took a tentative step forward. My leg was weak but there was no pain. I thought about this off and on the rest of the day. It’s not just the aches, pains and physical injuries that hold us back, it’s the mental and emotional pain I am often really scared to deal with. I stuff it back down deep because the accusatory fingers pointing back at me are too much to bear. So like my leg and back pain I muster all the forces I can to fight it.
Pain of any sort suggests I did something wrong and being wrong implies I am guilty of something. Maybe I ate too much, didn’t study hard enough, forgot to stretch before I exercised and suddenly I am “less than.” I begin to compare myself to you and always fall short. “It’s just better to push it back down….. Better to pretend it never happened”
I never realized how often I think like this, how often my emotional pain suggests a feeling of inadequacy and instead of bringing it into the light of day and seeing it for what it is, I choose to ignore it. I treat it the same way I treat my physical pain, looking for some sort of ibuprofen to relieve it. The voice inside of me, my God, my source suggests I resist nothing, not even the pain. I won’t lie. That’s scary.
Be blessed this Monday
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