Monday, September 19, 2011
Our oldest son moved into a new home. Heíd lived in the same apartment for over ten years. You can imagine what he accumulated!! One bedroom was akin to entering an archeological dig. As we helped him sort through his collection, sitting in a corner, covered with dust, was an old stereo he received as a Christmas present over twenty years ago. If you are old enough, you remember the kind. It has huge speakers that stood on the floor, a turn table, a dual cassette player and a very early version of a CD Player. In its day, it was very cool. To my horror he was going to throw it away. He forgot it was there. After begging and pleading with Joan, I was allowed to load it in our car. (Basically she kept asking me what I was going to do with it and basically I kept telling her I didnít know. I donít think it was so much that she consented to letting me have it as she gave up in exasperation.) It sits in my office, the wood veneer all polished and shiny. I found a needle for the turn table and dug out my vinyl. (They used to be called ďrecords) Very cool. It took a while but I found some very old cassettes. Everything works!!!
Enter my six year old granddaughter.
She stood in my office looking at the stereo with a puzzled look on her face.
ďPappy, what is that?Ē
ďItís a stereo sweetie.Ē I explained the concepts, the intricacies and the coolness of the equipment. I expected her to get as excited as I was. She looked at it for a few seconds and then looked up at me.
ďWouldnít it be easier just to use your IPod?Ē
For a few seconds I teetered on real despair until I realized there was so much wisdom in what she said. No matter what we cling to, life is a matter of perspective. Whether itís our health, our diet, or the vehicle we use to enjoy our music, life always presents us with other options. Itís up to us whether we take advantage of them or not. To my granddaughter the option was simple: Why take up space when you could carry something better in your pocket?
Sheís a bright little girl, but I still keep the Pledge wipes in my desk drawer and polish the speakers every Sunday after church.
I like the way they shine.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Life is made up of events, both large and small that determine our outlook. No one ever has a free ride. It often seems that way, especially when we see ourselves standing at the bottom of a steep hill and everyone else is at the summit and appears to be having a good time. Often, we have little or no control over those events. All we can do is determine how we allow them to affect us. In the parlance of todayís generation we ďdeal.Ē
When we live in a world that invites inaction and encourages entitlement in dealing with lifeís difficulties dealing with reality is the last thing we want to do. Itís often better, we rationalize, to sit back, lick our wounds and allow the universe to feel sorry for us, because, after all, no one has gone through what weíve gone through. We lose weight and we clap. We gain weight and we slink away ashamed and embarrassed of what weíve failed to accomplish. Itís as if we have a large scarlet ďAĒ branded on our foreheads. We exercise faithfully and then one morning we run out of motivation and one morning leads to two and then we forget where the gym is and we take out our branding iron and stamp ďfailureĒ all over our bodies.
Success is for cartoon characters and magazine heroes. It happens to our neighbors, our friends, but never us. We are often, in our own minds a foot note in the grand scheme of life. We sail along happy and healthy and then we trip and fall hard and we just canít believe it.
I havenít been able to exercise for close to three months. My legs ache, my ankle stiffens, I get cramps. MRIís, X-Rays, consultations galore simply tell me whatís not wrong. Do you know I actually dream about being able to walk normally and Saturday night I dreamt about running in a huge field and OMG I was so happy and it was so real and I woke up and realized I was dreaming. I cried. I buried my head in the pillow and I cried. I have not been a good Spark friend recently. No blogs, little encouragement for others, just licking my wounds and wondering why. The neurosurgeon I saw last Tuesday told me to lose weight and exercise that would help the soreness and pain. Uhm, Mr. Doctor, I canít walk any more than two hundred feet without getting cramps and my left leg getting stiff.
I am tense all the time. Joan says a lot of the pain and stiffness comes from we walking like I have a board up my butt. I am depressed. I benchmark activities against how hard it will be for me to walk and donít look forward to a lot. I am tired of feeling the way I do, both physically and emotionally. So I decided this morning that I need to deal. Iíve decided that I may be this way forever and if I am I canít sit around like Oscar The Grouch for all of eternity. I have reached my own ground zero. Whether I ever get to walk normally again is not going to be an excuse for giving up on living and loving. Oh yeah, Iíll get frustrated and please donít ever mistake me for a saint.
My massage therapist who stands five foot, one and weighs a whole one hundred pounds told me it was time to start taking my own advice. It hurt and it stung and deep inside I got madder than hells but I turned my head and looked at her and realized she was right. A Spark friend I admire deeply told me last week the thing she admires about me the most is that I donít quit. I donít and I wonít.
It really sucks having people do stuff for you. You lose all sense of control, and destiny. You have to open up and ďaskĒ for things. People give them gladly, but itís the sinking sense of vulnerability that makes you feel so damned naked. Scared? Yeah I am. My worlds been rocked. I feel perfectly fine as long as Iím sitting down. As soon as I stand up life becomes and adventure.
So, Iíll deal.
I am worth it. I deserve it. I am who I hang around with and life is what it is.
Thank you for being someone who is willing to help. It is appreciated.
Monday, September 05, 2011
My dad came home from the hospital on Saturday. He is doing okay. He sounds frail and admitted to me he is scared of falling again. Otherwise he is doing as well as an 87 year old with multiple health problems can.
I see a neurosurgeon tomorrow afternoon. Apparently I have some nerve and disc issues and the neurosurgeon is supposed to recommend a course of treatment for me. When they called to schedule my appointment they asked what PT I had been through and if I'd seen a chiropractor. When I told them I hadn't they asked me why I was coming to them?
I'd also like to ask prayers for Joan's twin brother Joe. He is in IC in Houston with some heart issues.
Thanks. I'll let you know more about everything when I know more.
Get An Email Alert Each Time JOHNTJ1 Posts