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A Matter of Perspective

Monday, September 19, 2011

Our oldest son moved into a new home. Heíd lived in the same apartment for over ten years. You can imagine what he accumulated!! One bedroom was akin to entering an archeological dig. As we helped him sort through his collection, sitting in a corner, covered with dust, was an old stereo he received as a Christmas present over twenty years ago. If you are old enough, you remember the kind. It has huge speakers that stood on the floor, a turn table, a dual cassette player and a very early version of a CD Player. In its day, it was very cool. To my horror he was going to throw it away. He forgot it was there. After begging and pleading with Joan, I was allowed to load it in our car. (Basically she kept asking me what I was going to do with it and basically I kept telling her I didnít know. I donít think it was so much that she consented to letting me have it as she gave up in exasperation.) It sits in my office, the wood veneer all polished and shiny. I found a needle for the turn table and dug out my vinyl. (They used to be called ďrecords) Very cool. It took a while but I found some very old cassettes. Everything works!!!

Enter my six year old granddaughter.

She stood in my office looking at the stereo with a puzzled look on her face.

ďPappy, what is that?Ē

ďItís a stereo sweetie.Ē I explained the concepts, the intricacies and the coolness of the equipment. I expected her to get as excited as I was. She looked at it for a few seconds and then looked up at me.

ďWouldnít it be easier just to use your IPod?Ē

For a few seconds I teetered on real despair until I realized there was so much wisdom in what she said. No matter what we cling to, life is a matter of perspective. Whether itís our health, our diet, or the vehicle we use to enjoy our music, life always presents us with other options. Itís up to us whether we take advantage of them or not. To my granddaughter the option was simple: Why take up space when you could carry something better in your pocket?

Sheís a bright little girl, but I still keep the Pledge wipes in my desk drawer and polish the speakers every Sunday after church.

I like the way they shine.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 10/12/2011 3:11PM

    I had hundeds of albums, hundreds, maybe thousands, well, over a thousand. Finally gave them to my musician son last year. I am making progress with letting go of things. You keep shining those speakers!

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NASFKAB 9/25/2011 1:42AM

  like old things too

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WANDAH3 9/20/2011 7:26AM

    LOL...you just have to love little children and their take on the world.

Enjoy the polishing.

Hugs,
Wanda

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LYNMEINDERS 9/20/2011 5:15AM

    Go you....If I had a steroe I would do the same....
We do have one but it is black wood and came from my dads after mother died....
I too have "records"...a lot of them ranging from 78's to 45's through to Lp's.....
Can't play the 78's any more as I can't get a needle for the stereo....

You keep pledging your amazing stereo.....there is not many of them left....they are precious.....

BUT...I do hear you when you say "life is a matter of perspective"....
So easy to loose that at times.....

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DUTCHIEKIWI 9/19/2011 10:34PM

    Love it love it love it!! I feel your feelings and I totally feel hers too... lol I'm the " in the middle generation" I had records too, we called them LP 's just realising I owned those makes me feel terribly old. But there were awesome!!!
But an IPOD... let's face it... it DOES fit much better in your pocket!! ;0)

Dutchie

xoxox

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CARTOONB 9/19/2011 10:22PM

    I do remember those! I'm glad you have one and that you like it...even if you can't put in your pocket.

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SMOCKON 9/19/2011 6:30PM

    Hah! I still remember the point where the 8-track switched on some albums.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 9/19/2011 5:50PM

    My hubby has ours out in the garage and he treasures it too. It's a man thing. LOL.

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HDHAWK 9/19/2011 5:40PM

    emoticon This blog makes me smile. My 22 yr. old son is working on getting his stuff shipped back here from Phoenix so he can look for a job. He can live with mom and step dad for free, which fits his budget and mine. He has several boxes, which are no big deal, BUT we have to have my mom's old console stereo with the 8 track shipped back! He loves his albums and would be happiest playing drums in a band the rest of his life. I say enjoy it John. We have the kind you're talking about too. The needles cost a fortune now. They used to be so cheap!

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GIRANIMAL 9/19/2011 4:44PM

    I purposely bought a record player -- with AM/FM stereo AND tape deck -- about five years ago. And *gasp* I do not own an iPod, though I am starting to see uses for it. emoticon But lest you think I am a total Luddite, I do have subscriptions to XM and Netflix. LOL

My BF just sold his old receiver on Craigslist for a guy who wanted to use it solely with a record player as well. Neat.

But yes -- sometimes it's hard to see new options past our old habits. Thanks for that reminder embedded in such a fun story. emoticon

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ANATASHIKI 9/19/2011 3:29PM

    emoticon I just god rid of my last cassettes , sure that the device doesn't exist anymore. I think my mom still has some vinyl hidden somewhere emoticon I can't wait for the day when the i pads will be ewww , so old emoticon

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GRAMLORI 9/19/2011 11:34AM

    Love it!!!
Lori

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BLACKROSE_222 9/19/2011 10:49AM

    LOL - that is one smart cookie, your Granddaughter. And yet, we are all guilty of this. I did something similar with the first Laptop I ever bought - it was so out of date, and the battery didn't work anymore, and you had to hard boot it more times than you were actually on the thing. But I still have it.

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SUSUSUZZZIE 9/19/2011 10:19AM

    Oh how I forgot about the monstrosity that came in to my life with my marriage and then left about 5 years later in a garage sale to someone who was THRILLED with their find. It was win-win. I'll have to bring up your bog to my DH tonight at dinner.

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PATTILYNN224 9/19/2011 9:12AM

    Sometimes I think its just not about the equipment. Sometimes I think its about the warm fuzzy feelings that go with the memories of things from long ago.

I'm very happy for you and your find. I hope you play those records for years to come.



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JSPIN74 9/19/2011 9:07AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GETFIT2LIVE 9/19/2011 9:05AM

    Yes, it is a matter of perspective. For portability, an ipod can't be beat. For sheer listening pleasure, though, there's nothing quite like vinyl. We do have to make choices, though, about what we keep and what we let go of, both with stuff and with ideas and ways of doing things on this journey.

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MARCYNA 9/19/2011 8:38AM

    WoW....I am moving this week after 10 years and, yes I have a stereo just like yours...without the CD player.....should I keep it??????????

Comment edited on: 9/19/2011 8:39:05 AM

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JOHNMARTINMILES 9/19/2011 7:48AM

    Periodically I get an e-mail listing all of the tings that the students entering college were born after. Your e-mail was but another trip down memory lane.

Make it a great day

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GABY1948 9/19/2011 7:45AM

    This took me back a bit. I too, remember exactly what you describe...and even older than that. One way I am different than you, I would have been like your wife and gotten rid of it too! But I have one like you here at home with me...must ba a MAN thing :) Thanks for posting these memories! emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/19/2011 7:45:56 AM

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Walking Up The Hill

Sunday, September 18, 2011

First and foremost many thanks to those of you who took time out of your day to show me some love, encourage me and give me advice on dealing with my back and leg issues. I have not been absent from Spark this past week by design. I have been very busy as it relates to work and have been traveling. Next week doesnít look a whole lot better, so Iíll pause on Sunday and give you an update.

I had my fist PT session Wednesday morning. The young man in charge of my therapy is a student being supervised by a PT and I really like him. He has that youthful energy about him and assures me that he and I are going to lick these back issues. My gym is part of a hospital complex and the PT department is adjacent to the gym. He had already talked to my trainer and some of the other staff to assess what Iíd been doing in the past. This really impressed me. Starting tomorrow I will be going three times per week. Iím cleared to do whatever I am capable of doing. He suggested rowing, (as one of you did!!), recumbent cycling, walking and doing squats in the therapy pool. He gave me a series of stretches to do at home and they have helped.

I am still in a degree of pain. Itís not constant anymore and I have actual moments where I feel normal. I am learning so much about myself through all of this so be prepared for future blogs that share my revelations.

As well as I write I do not know of words (Sorry Angie the thesaurus doesnít have them!!!) to express how happy I feel to have all of you as friends. I am appreciative of your concern and most importantly the strong kick in the butt I have received when I needed it. As each of you remembers me in your own, so I remember you in mine.

Be blessed this Sunday

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 10/12/2011 3:05PM

    I'm so happy to hear the PT is working and stretching is helping (yoga is the ultimate stretching and improves and works on each internal organ, etc, etc). I hate sounding like a missionary, and don't want to push my beliefs on anyone, I just want you to be pain-free. And by the way, yoga is not a religion. I had to edit my comment after I used the missionary word, thinking you might misconstrue my meaning.

Comment edited on: 10/12/2011 3:06:21 PM

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NASFKAB 9/25/2011 1:41AM

  Glad you started therapy

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SMOCKON 9/19/2011 6:23PM

    Yeah! So glad to hear you are making progress. A full recovery will take a bit. Don't give up--you'll get there. I love the fact that your gym is attached to a hospital complex and you have so much support from the professionals there. Excellent!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 9/19/2011 5:52PM

    Things are looking up. You will be back on the jogging trail soonish.

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GIRANIMAL 9/19/2011 4:39PM

    LOL -- you know you're having a real-life emotional experience when you can't find the words in a book!

I'm really relieved to hear you feel positively toward your new PT. That trust is important when you're trying to transcribe physical pain into language -- not always an easy task, even for word maven. emoticon

Love,
Angie

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ESHERRILL3 9/19/2011 10:50AM

    emoticon

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PGNBRI 9/18/2011 11:25PM

    Good Luck! Hope you continue to feel progressively better!

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CARTOONB 9/18/2011 10:00PM

    Fist PT? I don't think I want to know what that is! emoticon emoticon emoticon

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better.

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TRACEY5280 9/18/2011 6:40PM

    I'm very impressed with the PT you're working with. Chronic pain can be so wearing. I pray for your continued healing and strenght and enthusiasm - both you and the PT!

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GEEMAWEST 9/18/2011 3:57PM

    I hope this works for you , John.

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KENDRACARROLL 9/18/2011 2:54PM

    Sounds like you put yourself in good hands and help is finally on the way. The world is a much friendlier place when you're not in pain. Wishing you well.

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TRISTAROSE 9/18/2011 12:49PM

    I hope this PT will get you on the right road and relieve your pain. Thanks for the update and take care.

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 9/18/2011 12:30PM

    Thank You John 4 the update & kind words!

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_AIYANNA_ 9/18/2011 11:22AM

    I hope you continue to make progress and feel better. Thinking of you and sending happy thoughts your way.

Hugs,
Elen xxx

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GOOFIERNU 9/18/2011 11:16AM

    emoticon
So SO happy to hear you're on the mend!!!
emoticon BACK!

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FROGGERHKC 9/18/2011 9:50AM

    So glad to hear the PT is helping!!! Sounds like you have a great person helping you. Good to hear from you!! :)

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GRAMLORI 9/18/2011 9:42AM

    You sound so much better! That's such a blessing. My lower back has decided to make life difficult for a while...am even going to go to the doc about it AGAIN, since I think I wrenched it somehow, and did something to my shoulder a couple weeks ago when we went walking by the San Pedro river and slipped in a muddy spot. I will keep you in prayer, please do the same for me.
Have a blessed Sunday,
Lori

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TERRIPAL1 9/18/2011 9:38AM

    You sound great John energetic, it's good you have a student,all a student can see is Potential!

Have a blessed Sunday too!!

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GETFIT2LIVE 9/18/2011 9:19AM

    John, I am so happy to hear the hope coming back to you! Having a good PT who listens and genuinely seems to care makes a huge difference, as does getting some relief from the pain. I'm praying that it continues to improve until the pain is all gone and you actually feel GOOD again. Have a blessed day yourself!

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HDHAWK 9/18/2011 9:07AM

    I'm so glad to hear you like your PT and he's figuring out some ways to help the back pain. Everything looks better when we're not in pain all day. Good for you!

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Learning To Deal

Monday, September 12, 2011

Life is made up of events, both large and small that determine our outlook. No one ever has a free ride. It often seems that way, especially when we see ourselves standing at the bottom of a steep hill and everyone else is at the summit and appears to be having a good time. Often, we have little or no control over those events. All we can do is determine how we allow them to affect us. In the parlance of todayís generation we ďdeal.Ē

When we live in a world that invites inaction and encourages entitlement in dealing with lifeís difficulties dealing with reality is the last thing we want to do. Itís often better, we rationalize, to sit back, lick our wounds and allow the universe to feel sorry for us, because, after all, no one has gone through what weíve gone through. We lose weight and we clap. We gain weight and we slink away ashamed and embarrassed of what weíve failed to accomplish. Itís as if we have a large scarlet ďAĒ branded on our foreheads. We exercise faithfully and then one morning we run out of motivation and one morning leads to two and then we forget where the gym is and we take out our branding iron and stamp ďfailureĒ all over our bodies.

Success is for cartoon characters and magazine heroes. It happens to our neighbors, our friends, but never us. We are often, in our own minds a foot note in the grand scheme of life. We sail along happy and healthy and then we trip and fall hard and we just canít believe it.

I havenít been able to exercise for close to three months. My legs ache, my ankle stiffens, I get cramps. MRIís, X-Rays, consultations galore simply tell me whatís not wrong. Do you know I actually dream about being able to walk normally and Saturday night I dreamt about running in a huge field and OMG I was so happy and it was so real and I woke up and realized I was dreaming. I cried. I buried my head in the pillow and I cried. I have not been a good Spark friend recently. No blogs, little encouragement for others, just licking my wounds and wondering why. The neurosurgeon I saw last Tuesday told me to lose weight and exercise that would help the soreness and pain. Uhm, Mr. Doctor, I canít walk any more than two hundred feet without getting cramps and my left leg getting stiff.

I am tense all the time. Joan says a lot of the pain and stiffness comes from we walking like I have a board up my butt. I am depressed. I benchmark activities against how hard it will be for me to walk and donít look forward to a lot. I am tired of feeling the way I do, both physically and emotionally. So I decided this morning that I need to deal. Iíve decided that I may be this way forever and if I am I canít sit around like Oscar The Grouch for all of eternity. I have reached my own ground zero. Whether I ever get to walk normally again is not going to be an excuse for giving up on living and loving. Oh yeah, Iíll get frustrated and please donít ever mistake me for a saint.

My massage therapist who stands five foot, one and weighs a whole one hundred pounds told me it was time to start taking my own advice. It hurt and it stung and deep inside I got madder than hells but I turned my head and looked at her and realized she was right. A Spark friend I admire deeply told me last week the thing she admires about me the most is that I donít quit. I donít and I wonít.

It really sucks having people do stuff for you. You lose all sense of control, and destiny. You have to open up and ďaskĒ for things. People give them gladly, but itís the sinking sense of vulnerability that makes you feel so damned naked. Scared? Yeah I am. My worlds been rocked. I feel perfectly fine as long as Iím sitting down. As soon as I stand up life becomes and adventure.

So, Iíll deal.

I am worth it. I deserve it. I am who I hang around with and life is what it is.

Thank you for being someone who is willing to help. It is appreciated.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 10/12/2011 3:02PM

    Sometimes I love the comments you get almost as much as your blog!!

Yoga, yoga, yoga...do yoga. Of course in the beginning you will probably be sitting in a chair, but I have a yoga tape for older people (yeah, I'm one of them now) and she does teach it from a chair. Baby steps...but steps none the less. Yoga works.

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NASFKAB 9/22/2011 1:26AM

  All the best

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TERRIPAL1 9/16/2011 4:17PM

    emoticonoh John you must be so frustrated! emoticon,it's hard when you have any kind of pain.I don't remember if I already asked but have you thought of swimming?? Or any water exercise, it probably won't hurt your leg or back cause of the water & you will get to work out making you less cranky emoticon. I hope you recover & feel better so & in the meantime I hope you find a way to deal with it!!

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GIRANIMAL 9/16/2011 10:59AM

    SMOCKON is spot-on. emoticonThrough all my disc problems, the key has been core strength. Strong core muscles protect the spine. Talk to your new PT about "undoing" some of your muscle guarding too!

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SMOCKON 9/15/2011 3:41PM

    I find it easier to listen to my own advice than to other people's! emoticon You haven't said what your specific disk issues are, so I don't know if they're the same as what I had. I got to a point where I couldn't sit, walk, or lie down without hurting. I finally went to a chiropractor every day for a week and then twice weekly for the next two weeks. That got me to the point where I could walk and bend without too much pain. The chiropractor said that even with surgery, I would need to strengthen my core muscles to keep everything in place. At that point, I went to the gym and started rowing.

At first I could only row for about 5 minutes without feeling like my heart and lungs would explode. I concentrated on good form, though, keeping my back straight and using my arms and legs. Over time, I got up to about 45 minutes. It took about 3 months, but I finally got rid of the back pain--and no surgery.

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MARCYNA 9/15/2011 10:43AM

    Have you tried any Pilates class? Or Feldenkreis???They should work alright for you!!!

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CLOVER2 9/14/2011 8:15PM

    I have been wondering about you, thinking about you a lot! You have been and always will be one of the first, most important people here on Spark that made me feel like I could really do this, I was worth it and I deserved the happiness that had been eluding me. I am so sorry to hear that you've been struggling, but the fact is that now we can be here for you, just as you've been there for us! A helping hand, eagerly extended to pull you up that hill to the party at the top!
emoticon emoticon

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CARTOONB 9/14/2011 12:19AM

    Take the board out of your butt and it will all be good! emoticon emoticon

I'm sorry that you're still struggling and that you have to learn to let things go and let people help. If I were in your shoes, I don't know that I could be as "accepting" as you are. (Accepting is in quotes and I think you know why.) Good luck on your process and I hope that walking get easier soon.

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TRAVELINGLITE 9/13/2011 2:43PM

 

emoticon



Comment edited on: 9/14/2011 2:42:08 PM

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HAPPYSOUL91 9/13/2011 1:54PM

    I so understand your frustration and fear. That's what it is....fear...that you can't do it. But you can, just find a way to work around the issue and keep searching out answers from the Drs. Someone must know or have an idea what is causing you this pain. Hang tough, I am cheering you on and saying a prayer for your recovery.

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 9/13/2011 8:47AM

    Wow John. I said recently that life was kicking me in the tail. Sounds like it's giving you a few swift kicks too. My dearest friend has some of your same physical complaints and after me begging and pleading with her to go to the doctor, the advice she received is the very words she told me they'd say. "Lose weight and exercise and it will get better." I would like to make it malpractice for a physician to utter those words. Sighs.

Hang in there my friend. Surely life is teaching us something valuable. We just have to dig thru the dust to find the sparkly stuff.

I'm cheering for you! emoticon

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ESHERRILL3 9/13/2011 8:45AM

    It's never easy to to follow your own advice. You have been through a lot recently but the fact that you're still here means you aren't about to give up. Find something you like to do and focas on that...one day at a time...that's all we can really do.

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LYNMEINDERS 9/13/2011 1:52AM

    Ground Zero is a hard place to be however it is usually a good place to be and there is always a way and that is up....

You can deal to this John....with God's help you will conquer all this and go forward ...
I was ready to email you to ask if you were ok as I hadn't seen you for a bit....

Prayers coming your way...
Blessings

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CATHERINEL66 9/12/2011 9:13PM

    Ugh! This is frustrating to hear.

Here's my two cents: remember when I had the bad experience abdominal surgery this winter? The one the hand-out said that would make me sore for a "couple days" and then I'd be able to walk as much as I wanted but to "refrain from hiking" or "heavy lifting" ?? Yep, that one -- that kept me useless for a good month, and mostly sitting down for 3 or 4.

Once I came through the fog, I realized that I had to reset my expectations. My first "walk", which I should have got a medal for, was only to the mailbox and back. Two days later, I walked to the corner, and then home. And so on.

While you're working on diagnostics, maybe you can walk to the mailbox? And try the chair stuff. And what about the big cycles at the gym (not the smaller spin bikes, but the big comfy cycles?). The reason I suggest and wonder on your behalf is that I just think it would make you feel better.

Hang in there. I've been in the holding pattern (more times than I care to count), and I am positive that you can lose or maintain weight while you're on hold from heavy duty exercise. The biggest battle is in your head, I think, and it's the toughest. YOU CAN DO THIS!

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HDHAWK 9/12/2011 8:27PM

    You are so worth it John! I had my own pity party this summer when my back was on the fritz. It hurt, made me grumpy, and I had to ask my mom to vacuum for me! I don't "ask" well either (I see a similarity to you here). I asked, I healed, and if I'm careful, it's been better. I'm seriously thinking about adding yoga to my mix. I've done it in the past and I did enjoy it. I have to get over feeling like I'm not really "working out" if I do yoga. I can't say how much less flexible I have gotten in the past couple of years. I feel like staying flexible is pretty important as we age. You can do this John!

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WEEZYB7881 9/12/2011 7:20PM

    john, thanks for the welcome to the community team. I wish i had some wonderful words of wisdom to help you on this journey, but I don't. I do think you're an intelligent articulate man who will find or learn or uncover his answers. I have no doubt of that.

again, thanks for the welcome.

be well; get well; know you are appreciated

louise

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GIRANIMAL 9/12/2011 5:46PM

    Maaaaan, I know what you're going through -- not that that helps you one darn bit! I have been here with similar pain, and I am at the point of struggling toward acceptance and not knowing how not to let that lapse into complacency, etc., with my food and other issues.

I kind of want to trip that neurosurgeon. (Nasty, but it's true!) That is NOT an acceptable lurch to leave a patient in.

You said before that hot water helps -- what about water aerobics? I also like the chair idea. No offense, but there are arthritis workouts like that. (I had such a a DVD when I almost thought I had ankylosing spondilitis -- yikes.)

Also, how about that chiro idea?

I know it's not in you, but it bears repeating anyway: don't give up -- it took me a long time to get a diagnosis and treatment that worked, but when this started I couldn't straighten up getting out of bed or walk more than half a mile...now I am biking 10 miles a day with relative ease. You'll figure this out. And we'll be here to help you every step of the way in whatever we can, humbly asking that you try not to feel so vulnerable for it.



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ANATASHIKI 9/12/2011 5:18PM

    find something you can do and do that. I live with constant pain and I got used to it. any kind of walking is a miracle. I know how it is to wonder if you're ever going to be able to walk again. the good thing is that he didn't tell you you need surgery. if you can't run maybe you could switch to swimming or water aerobic , or something. you just have to adapt to the new conditions. and don't count the days until you're like before. maybe you'll be like before , maybe not. it doesn't mean you can't find a way to feel better if not good.and forget about winning and failure . those are just words. it's not a war here . and with who? it's just you , living your life the best you can.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/12/2011 5:21:18 PM

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MORTICIAADDAMS 9/12/2011 5:03PM

    I know a lot of experts at dealing with pushing through the pain. My mother and grandmother were experts at this and I am too. When I started walking, after my near death experience, I started by getting up out of my wheelchair and walking across the room. I couldn't make it any further but I kept getting up and kept walking across the room and I made further every day. Eventually I made it out the door. So I really won't listen if you tell me you can't walk because I know you can. Take my advice. Walk across the room once or hundred times a day if you need to until you can go further. This isn't an all or nothing approach. Rome wasn't built in day and John won't be running a marathon tomorrow but he can walk across the room until he can go further. Allow your body to heal and go slow You are being taught the lesson of PATIENCE. If you want it, you can have it.

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WANDAH3 9/12/2011 4:08PM

    John, I'm sorry that you are going through a rough patch at the moment. You are not a quitter so what are you going to do about it?

So you are having trouble walking, that doesn't mean that you have to stop exercising. Try armchair exercises, try some deep water exercises...they really do work and no stress on the legs or joints. I know you will figure it out soon...I have faith in you and deep down you have faith in you too.

Hugs,
Wanda

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GETFIT2LIVE 9/12/2011 1:37PM

    John, I am with IFDEEVARUNS2, I am concerned that you still haven't found the cause. Sometimes it's easier for doctors to blame weight itself for things that are only aggravated by the weight--yes, deal, but fight to find out what's really going on in your body. The chair exercise team has some good ideas for how to exercise while your mobility is more limited. I'm praying you will find the root cause of the problem and get that solved so you will be able to get out and move more.

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ELYMWX 9/12/2011 1:05PM

    Yes we deal. However, I like to say that we play the cards we are dealt, and the thing that counts is how long we stay in the game.

In my case (not as serious as yours) I have two injuries (one that was major and is healing and one that's minor and also healing) that are limiting what I can do, but I'm working within those limitations because I have to.

You can do this.

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KATHRYN1955 9/12/2011 11:45AM

    People always talk about "raising the bar" higher. Maybe you need to do the opposite...set lower, but attainable goals for yourself until you get some answers to your health issues. And if you need to sit a spell, you can always make the most of it and meditate by focusing on the breath or whatever works for you. I was out of commission for several months after a serious break of my ankle and lower leg and I can empathize with the feeling of vulnerability and relying on others.
Anyway, keep reaching out....we are here for you.
Kathy
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SHERRYJVP 9/12/2011 11:38AM

    I am glad to hear they have ruled out the 'bad' things. Have you thought about joining some of the chair exercise teams? getting some of the videos? they are a bigger work out than most people think. Also...I am thinking of going to a chiropracter again....for headaches. That might be something to consider.

You will get through this..and you will walk again. Do those 200 feet every chance you get!!!!

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SPARKLISE 9/12/2011 10:21AM

    Growing older sucks!
Growing older and being in pain double sucks!
I hope the doctors can find what is wrong so you can go back to having a normal life.
I'm like you,when things hurt,I have a hard time coping and being myself.
I have been missing your long blogs,but I understand your reasons for not feeling up to being up beat and encouraging.
Don't give up and keep coming back for encouragement-you gave some for so long-it's time to take some in!
And btw,a lot more people are at the bottom of the hill then we realize. Some admit they are but others pretend they aren't! emoticon

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JENNY888 9/12/2011 10:19AM

    You will have to pull yourself gradually back into the exercise thing. Start a streak you can do. It might only be 3 minutes (or less if that is all you can do). Do it consistently and try to increase it a minute when you can. The Dr. said you can exercise so work your way back up. That is the only way you can do it. If you give in to not exercising because it hurts you will only get worse. You will feel much better when you are accomplishing something. My prayer are with you John in this difficult time.

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GRAMLORI 9/12/2011 10:09AM

    John, sometimes real life gets in the way of what we want to do. It is very hard to stop and sit when your mind feels like it whould accomplish what it did 20 or 30 years ago. You are not alone. Maybe God is trying to get your attention about something? Or maybe you just need to sit for a while. Don't know, but I'm glad you joined the reality of life....even if it stinks sometimes. You will find your way, and will push yourself to the limit. You're just that kind of guy. Sometimes you have to suck it up and drive on. A new kind of normal. Let's see......have I given you enough empty plattitudes??? Actually, I mean it all. Hugs to you, John, and I look forward to continuing to hear about your victories, even if they are "small".....and THAT is a relative term!!
Hang in there, you can do this!!
Lori

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WORKINGSTIFF 9/12/2011 10:06AM

    Part of the lessons being learned here (by all of us who read this) is that you (and all of us) are vulnerable sometimes...it's part of being human.

We don't mind being asked for help, and gladly give it, but now you get to understand what is on the other side of that request. That for every need you fill for another human being, there's someone who needs help.

Again, being in need doesn't have to mean that you are weak. Not at all-asking for help and accepting help graciously takes strength.

You've spoken so eloquently lately of your father and how he is dealing with his own health issues. Imagine what it takes to humble one's self and to accept help from others or from a higher power in his current situation.

Even in the midst of asking for help, there is still a lot one can do to still provide help, just maybe not in the form we're used to.

I hope that you find the source of your pain and find relief.

Yes, every time I'm sick or injured, it makes me that much more appreciative of a little thing such as being able to walk, stand, move unassisted.

I am praying for your recovery.

Helen

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KKINNEA 9/12/2011 9:59AM

    We are here for you. I am hoping and praying that you are able to get out and be active again. You are such a great thinker and I really appreciate these blogs where you delve into issues we all have with boldness. Thanks for being here and not quitting!

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IFDEEVARUNS2 9/12/2011 9:50AM

    No doubt you will deal with it; but I'm concerned you still haven't found the cause. I just pray that in dealing with it you also continue to fight to find out what's wrong. I don't buy that this pain just happened with no reason, and I know you don't either. Deal, but continue the fight.

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More Stuff............ Dad

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

My dad went back in the hospital this morning. He felt very light headed and had the presence of mind to sit down before he feel. If I understood my sister correctly his heart rate was close to 170 and they are saying they need to sync it with his BP so he will be in the hospital for a few days.

He told my sister to take care of my mother when he is gone and that he picked out the music he wanted at his funeral. When we were home a few weeks ago and the entire family gathered he made it a point that I sat by him. He's never done that before. He specifically asked me to sit close to him. I believe he is preparing to go home and I have to tell you in many respects I believe there is a real beauty in this process. He is slowly checking things off of his list and he is doing it with a quiet dignity. I feel very honored to be part of this process.

I see the neurosurgeon at two thirty this afternoon. I'm a bit apprehensive......... well that's a lie, LOL, I am scared.

Joans brother is out of IC and is having an angioplasty Wednesday

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 10/12/2011 2:57PM

    I'm so glad you're getting to share these times with your dad, he sounds like quite an amazing person. My grandmother was SO ready to go "home" and she did at 97. She lived with us the last three years of her life and I'm very grateful for that time.

I'm happy to hear your BIL is out of ICU. Good luck with your appt. One thing about being behind on your blogs is I get to catch up quickly without having to wait a day to find out how things turned out. But I'm going to try to not get this far behind again.

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NEEDTOLOSE100LB 9/16/2011 10:24AM

    John, I share your pain. I lost my father '93 and my father-in-law in '92. They died just 5 days short of 1 year apart. Each of them did something similar to what your father is doing. They gathered their thoughts and said things that didn't make total sense at the time, but when the time came to understood, each of us kids did. My dad made the trip to see each of us kids (4 of us) in August. He took each of us aside at some point and told us that if something happened to him, we were to mourn and move on, he had led a good life and had no regrets. When we met during the week before his funeral, we shared that memory with each other. He died in September, about 6 weeks after seeing all of us and his 2 granddaughters. He might not like it, but days like today, I still mourn a little. In 11 days I will have missed him for 18 years. Make good memories now. You will never regret it. May God give you the strength to deal with this time and your father the peace to do so as well. When the time comes, you will have the strength, it is promised if we just ask.

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TERRIPAL1 9/12/2011 8:10AM

    Good luck with everything going on sounds like you have a lot on your plate my prayers are with you!

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STAN111 9/11/2011 6:48PM

    My father is also at the doorway and could go anytime. We are all struggling to know how to make it work for him. I hope the best for your father and family.

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NASFKAB 9/9/2011 9:53AM

  All my prayers are with & your Dad & bil

Comment edited on: 9/15/2011 1:09:32 AM

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MIRACLELOVE77 9/8/2011 4:55AM

    I'm sorry to hear about your father; it sounds very similar to the process we went through with my grandfather (falls, hospital visits, family get togethers). It's wonderful though that this process, as difficult as it may be, is doing good in bringing you too closer together :)

praying for peace for you all.

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GOOFIERNU 9/7/2011 10:22AM

    I'll be thinking and praying for you through the day.

emoticonWe've lost three parents, so far. One suddenly and unexpectedly, two we watched waste away. (sigh...) Cycle of life. I now make a point to tell my Mom I love her when we hang up from our weekly call.

emoticon

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MARCYNA 9/7/2011 9:20AM

    It seems you're living this difficult moment with a smile and attention to the positive details-and your Dad, too. Great attitude, my prayers & thoughts are with you!!!!

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CARTOONB 9/6/2011 11:10PM

    Your dad sounds like a really wonderful man. I hope you can enjoy all of the time you have left with him.

How'd the neurosurgeon appointment go?

Good to hear that Joan's bro is out of IC.

Thoughts and prayers still with you and yours. emoticon

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WORKINGSTIFF 9/6/2011 9:02PM

    My Dad is 88, and has been in and out of the hospital too many times for me to count in recent years.

Cherish each moment with your dad-the positive and the not-so-positive.

I tell myself that every holiday or visit with him could be the last. It doesn't make me sad, but it makes me realize how precious those times are. And at 50 years old, I've been blessed to have both my parents in my life for much longer than most people do.

Thank you for sharing.



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HDHAWK 9/6/2011 6:44PM

    At 87 I'm sure you're dad knows something may happen given the issues he's having. I hope you get good news today too. I'm glad Joan's brother will get his heart issue resolved soon. Take care over there!

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LYNMEINDERS 9/6/2011 5:06PM

    I would fully agree with you where your Dad is concerned....I totally belive that we know when we are to prepare to go home....
it is a privelege to be part of the process....

Glad to hear Joans Brother is out of IC...that is great....

You will be fine this arvo when you have your appointment...will be praying for you....
Take God with you...don't leave Him outside....

Prayers & Blessings

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MORTICIAADDAMS 9/6/2011 4:30PM

    I'm sorry about your dad. Sometimes it takes a while to get things adjusted.

My dad has made his funeral arrangements as well. He's ready to go. I'm not ready for him to go but I never would be and we have no control over that.

Good luck to you, your dad, and your bIL.

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TRAVELINGLITE 9/6/2011 4:18PM

  I am sad to hear that your dads health is failing. Hope the neurosurgeon has some good news for you.

I enjoy reading your blogs. you are very insightful. Lynn


Comment edited on: 9/14/2011 2:44:38 PM

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GRAMLORI 9/6/2011 3:57PM

    Praying for you and your family, John.
Hugs,
Lori

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BLUEROSE73 9/6/2011 3:43PM

    I am sorry you are loosing your father, but what a gift you all have been given. He knows it's coming. He is able to get his affairs in order. You are able to say good bye.
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PGNBRI 9/6/2011 3:39PM

    emoticon

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SMOCKON 9/6/2011 3:31PM

    I'm sorry you're fighting health battles on three fronts! Best wishes going out to you and your family. emoticon

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EILI359 9/6/2011 3:24PM

    I'm thinking of you and your family and hope the appointment goes well emoticon

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GIRANIMAL 9/6/2011 3:12PM

    I'm with you -- I agree that the process of leaving this plane can be very beautiful, especially when one has the presence of mind to be aware of it, to be deliberate in the tidying uo of their affairs, to say their goodbyes on their terms.

I am honored to be a part of it through your sharing.

Try not to sweat the neuro -- remember, it's only a consultation! You have options, I promise.

Glad to hear Joan's brother seems to be on the mend. I'm still sending my best healing energy to all of you!

emoticon

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GIRANIMAL 9/6/2011 3:11PM

    I'm with you -- I agree that the process of leaving this plane can be very beautiful, especially when one has the presence of mind to be aware of it, to be deliberate in the tidying up of their affairs, to say their goodbyes on their terms.

I am honored to be a part of it through your sharing.

Try not to sweat the neuro -- remember, it's only a consultation! You have options, I promise.

Glad to hear Joan's brother seems to be on the mend. I'm still sending my best healing energy to all of you!

emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 9/6/2011 2:34PM

    I have much love and respect for you and your family.

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FROGGERHKC 9/6/2011 1:31PM

    Oh John, you and your family will be in my thoughts. I hope that everything turns out well for everyone. emoticon

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TNANCE3 9/6/2011 1:19PM

    Thinking and praying for you and your family. I know what you are going through. My dad will be gone three years on the 15th. It still seems like yesterday. He made each of us promise to take care of my step-mother. My mom has been gone for 37 years. I was fifteen when she passed away. Take what your dad says to heart and do everything you can to honor his wishes. Spend as much time as you possibly can with him, too. It is hard to hear them talk this way and know what he/she is planning for. It hurts. I will be honest with you. But if you know he is right with God, like I did my dad, then you can be at peace knowing where he is going. That is the main thing that helped me. Hopefully, he will live a lot longer, but if he doesn't, have no regrets. Praying for everything going on with you.

Hugs,
Teresa

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GETFIT2LIVE 9/6/2011 1:17PM

    emoticon

You and your dad (and family) are in my prayers. I pray you get some positive answers and course of treatment today--and that your dad has more time left with you than he thinks right now. Being able to go home with dignity is a great gift, though, if that is what is happening.

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KKINNEA 9/6/2011 1:13PM

    I recognize this pattern and I think you're right - he knows and wants to put affairs in order. I hope you have as much time with him as you both need and that your appointment this afternoon carries only good news.

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ANATASHIKI 9/6/2011 1:11PM

    hang in there ! emoticon emoticon

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JECKIE 9/6/2011 1:05PM

    emoticon

I rarely have many words, but know I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

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Me and My Dad.......... Again

Monday, September 05, 2011

My dad came home from the hospital on Saturday. He is doing okay. He sounds frail and admitted to me he is scared of falling again. Otherwise he is doing as well as an 87 year old with multiple health problems can.

I see a neurosurgeon tomorrow afternoon. Apparently I have some nerve and disc issues and the neurosurgeon is supposed to recommend a course of treatment for me. When they called to schedule my appointment they asked what PT I had been through and if I'd seen a chiropractor. When I told them I hadn't they asked me why I was coming to them?

Sigh


I'd also like to ask prayers for Joan's twin brother Joe. He is in IC in Houston with some heart issues.

Thanks. I'll let you know more about everything when I know more.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 10/12/2011 2:53PM

    Well, you know, I'm actually impressed that the neurosurgeon wanted PT and a chiropractor first before coming to him. It's nice to have a doctor that doesn't think surgery is the end all and be all. But when you're all ready to go that route it has to be discouraging to think you're not going to get there yet.

I'll assume your dad has a cane or walker. They have some pretty cool canes these days.

Prayers are sent for Joan's twin brother...I hope all is well with him by now.

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NEEDTOLOSE100LB 9/16/2011 8:32AM

    when it rains, it pours. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
Laurie.

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NEEDTOLOSE100LB 9/16/2011 8:32AM

    when it rains, it pours. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
Laurie.

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SPARKENISTA 9/11/2011 12:27PM

    John--We haven't communicated in a while. I came by for a visit and see that you are in crisis on several fronts. I hope that everything works out well for you. It seems as though your father's issues are resolved for the moment.

This web site is not working perfectly today. I didn't read the right blog before writing.

I can't believe the attitude of the neurologist. What's his/her problem? I agree with you that you should have an evaluation before a treatment plan is put in place.

BTW, I am very good at medical advocacy. If I can be of any help, please let me know.

I will certainly put in a good word (up there) for your wife's twin brother. I hope he gets well quickly.

All good wishes,

Merry

Comment edited on: 9/11/2011 12:32:10 PM

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GEEMAWEST 9/6/2011 12:48PM

    Thoughts, prayers and hugs headed your way.

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KKINNEA 9/6/2011 11:05AM

    Sounds like a rough time. My prayers for all health concerns involved.

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FROGGERHKC 9/6/2011 10:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NASFKAB 9/6/2011 6:29AM

  Hope all your health issues can be solved

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NASFKAB 9/6/2011 6:29AM

  Hope all your health issues can be solved

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CARTOONB 9/5/2011 11:36PM

    Dang! The whole family is falling apart! Thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 9/5/2011 9:21PM

    My father was afraid too after his near death experience and he is a lot more cautious now which at their age is warranted but with time they get more confident.

I'm a little taken aback at a neurosurgeon wondering if you've seen a chiropractor. The one I worked with hated chiropractors.

Prayers sent for you and your family.

Comment edited on: 9/5/2011 9:24:34 PM

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GIRANIMAL 9/5/2011 7:20PM

    Wow. Do you actually have any room left on your plate? emoticon (Please don't let that be a jinx!)

I am glad to hear your dad is home and doing well. And honestly, after that kind of a scare I think fear of falling again is probably pretty normal. Poor guy. Does he have a walker or cane anything? Even just for peace of mind?

Silly siloed health care. Well, at least the neuro seems to think their services are too drastic for you -- that's probably good! Maybe he or she can at least give you some more understanding of what's showing in your MRI.

Prayers for your brother-in-law on the way. Sending my very best to you and Joan as well, of course.

emoticon

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SNOWANGELDIVA 9/5/2011 5:08PM

    emoticon emoticon
(1 Pet.5:7)
Thank you for letting us know that your Dad is home. I pray that he'll find peace with his myriad of health issues but particularly his fear of falling. I can completely understand it.
Praying for direction with your pain and your b.i.l.'s health.


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LYNMEINDERS 9/5/2011 4:58PM

    Glad Dad is home although I can understand his fears of falling again....Continuing prayers for him so his his confidence will be restored.....

Praying for you and your specialist visit....

Prayers also coming Joan's twin brothers way.....

And of course continued prayers for you and Joan....

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GETFIT2LIVE 9/5/2011 2:21PM

    Glad your dad is home; know that I am praying for you and Joan as well as for your dad and Joan's brother.

emoticon

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FLA-1956 9/5/2011 1:56PM

  Prayers going out for you and your family. emoticon

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JAKEANDNELLIE 9/5/2011 1:43PM

    Prayers for you and all your loved ones!
Sheila

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GRACIOUSGRAPE 9/5/2011 1:25PM

    You and Joan are in my thoughts and prayers as you deal with so much on your plate. emoticon

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TERRIPAL1 9/5/2011 12:18PM

    Prayers and hope it all goes well!

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BEGAINANEW 9/5/2011 11:40AM

    I hope every thing works out for you and i will be praying for you all.
Take care
Sharon

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HDHAWK 9/5/2011 11:18AM

    I'm sorry you have so much going on right now John. Sending prayers to you and Joan. emoticon

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MAMADWARF 9/5/2011 11:12AM

    dang that is a lot of stress, dude! Hoping for the best in all the situations!

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ANATASHIKI 9/5/2011 11:11AM

    emoticon, just great! here, a neurosurgeon would tell you that he was the only one who could tell if surgery is needed and chiropractor would be a waste of time .

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1CRAZYDOG 9/5/2011 11:08AM

    Prayers. You have a lot on your plate.

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JSPIN74 9/5/2011 11:08AM

    love & continues good thoughts going your way.... emoticon emoticon

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