Friday, August 19, 2011
I am going to do my best not to make this be a rant. It’s not my intention.
Since I’ve changed my wall paper on my Spark Page I’ve received more than a few Spark Mails telling me some people find it offensive and derogatory. They questioned my self-esteem and my opinion of myself because I used the “F” word ----- FAT. If you are not familiar, I changed my wall paper to a photo of Doctor Phil pointing a finger out ward. The caption reads – “You’re fat. Don’t try to sugar coat it or you’ll eat that too!” To be honest, when I first saw it I burst out laughing. To be completely honest I thought he hit the nail right on the head as it related to me.
Yes, I know, obesity is no laughing matter, but sometimes the rationalization and justification I employee to eating things that aren’t healthy for me can be hilarious. At one point in time I sincerely believed that you could eat all the fast food in the world just as long as you had a diet soft drink with it. You see, I believed diet soft drinks had magical and mystical properties that melted all the fat and calories away from that Big Mac and large fries. Misinformed, you bet, but folks I challenge each of you to tell me you never had any such upside down thinking. And I challenge you to tell me that it really didn’t affect your self-esteem. It may have served, as it did to me, a very gentle reminder that things in my life needed to change. And somewhere deep down inside you even may have laughed.
I love me. I’d love there to be less of me and between you and I wish to heck I hadn’t lost my hair, but I love me. I am a people pleaser through and through. I worry what other folks think all the time, otherwise I wouldn’t have written this blog, but when I look at me every morning I am very glad I am John’s best friend. If I had no hills to climb, no pains to endure and no challenges before me, well life would be uber dull, no?
Laughter is a very powerful weapon. When I laugh at myself before anyone else has the opportunity to do so, I take all the ammo from their guns. I spoil their fun. The difference is I laugh from a source of love, from an “Oh John, what have you done now…….” Rather than from a mean or vindictive position that’s meant to hurt. I have walked into meetings with people just waiting to pounce on me for an error or mistake and when they point it out I’ll say something like “Boy I’ll bet I couldn’t do that again, even if I tried,” or “It takes REAL talent to mess up that much.” The room breaks out in mild laughter. The person who was getting ready to filet me is just sitting there fuming. I DID mess up and I acknowledged it with grace and humor and it shows I am human.
Obesity is no laughing matter, but life sometimes is, even at the most solemn moments. Pam worked with me for close to ten years, during that time her oldest son was diagnosed with a rare type of bone cancer in his leg. Lots of pain, physical and emotional, for Pam, her son and her family. She came in to work one morning closed my office door and just grinned. She told me how she and her sister had gone to see a serious and dramatic movie over the weekend. During a scene, where the main character received some bad news she and her sister broke out in uncontrollable laughter. She told me after all the family had been through the previous year she couldn’t do anything but laugh at a dramatic interpretation of life. She and her sister were asked to leave the movie theater. She went on to tell me it was best things she’d felt in ages.
That wallpaper really hits home to me. For me it’s the gospel truth and it has nothing to do with how I feel about myself, my life or my place in it. Rather, I think, it’s a testament to my own confidence. It’s sort of like looking in the mirror, and saying lightly “Oh look, another zit.” No worries.
I’ll end by saying I hope you don’t take this as a rant or are offended by it. (Always the freakin’ people pleaser, aint I) That wallpaper gives me the necessary motivation to do the right thing for John, every morning. Health is serious but I am always open to any method necessary to help make the journey a pleasant one.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
That there are other folks out here just like you who have highs and lows.
That you are not alone in your journey. Many of us pause on the side of the road to catch our breaths but we dont end the journey........... Neither do you.
That you'd be suprised to know that we dont see all your "fatal flaws." We just see a warm and caring person who is struggling really hard to be healthy and happy. We bask in your beautiful smile.
You dont always hear the loud cheers and the deep admiration we have for you. Like me you are too busy listening to that little voice going "nader, nader, nader!!"
That you are a source of joy, inspiration and love for many of us.
That you touch the hearts and souls of many each day and you never ever know it.
That you are accepted and loved just as you are.
Yeah you!!!! I'm talkin' bout' you.
Friday, August 12, 2011
It’s okay to admit it. You’ll have lots of company when you do and you’ll find you are not alone. Some days I’m leading the pack. Go ahead!!!
It neatly and succinctly points out all of our soft and weak spots and I have never been able to write a story, poem, or song that sings the praises of accountability. I’ve never heard anyone whisper behind my back “Did you know he’s REALLY accountable?” It sucks. Every morning you get out of bed and you look out over your day and you either sigh or grunt. Accountability can be like a hundred pound stone in your back pack. It weighs you down. It makes you stumble and fall. No one is ever praised for being accountable. Has your boss ever called you into their office and told you that you are an accountable person? Usually we are told the exact opposite; we need to become more accountable for our thoughts words and actions.
It sucks. It sucks because we know those talking heads and speaking points so neatly displayed on a Power Point presentation are absolutely right. We falter, we fail, we get lost because we rarely hold ourselves accountable. Maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe you are great at holding yourself accountable. If so, could you write and tell me how you do it, long term?
With accountability comes goal setting. In all honesty I approach goal setting as a “set it and forget it,” endeavor. I look at all the amazing and marvelous goals I’ve set for myself and all the goals I’ve given up on because of………. Well go ahead and fill in the blank. I’ve got a million reasons/slash excuses.
So here is what I’ve learned in convincing myself I am worth all this emotional and physical pain I am enduring: World peace goals don’t work. Everyone want world peace, but how do you get it? Everyone wants to be healthy, slender and active……….
I’m reverting to simplicity. I’ll weigh myself on Monday’s My first very reachable and accountable goal is to lose ten pounds. That’s it for right now. I believe I can even find a silver accountability lining in losing ten pounds. It sort of takes the heat off. I AM worth the effort that’s required to do so. So like it or not, here we go once again in fond, fond hope of getting the scale moving in the right direction.
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