JOHNTJ1   65,605
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Taking Care of Us

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I wasn’t feeling too well yesterday. I had planned on staying in my flannels and my Chicago Cubs tee shirt all day and giving myself permission to be lazy because I was sick. This means you can watch television all day and not feel guilty, or read for three hours and not have that nagging feeling you should be doing something more “productive.” Isn’t it amazing we have to get sick sometimes to feel good about ourselves and what we do?

But I digress.

The phone rang around eleven or so. The party on the other line “needed” to talk to me. He “needed” to have lunch with me. I told him I was not feeling well but I might as well have told him I was fourteen feet tall with a rotating head. I wouldn’t categorize this person as a friend, because a friend would have told me, “Let’s do it tomorrow! It can wait.” He is not really a client. He is just a child of God, which means guilt forced me into the shower and down the road to the one place I have avoided for over two months, a local pizza parlor which has killer food ---- literally and figuratively.

Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the very same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I knew two things before I even got out of the car. One, no matter what was “ailing him” he would discount the advice I gave him and get really defensive. This would be followed by a litany of my short comings. Since he doesn’t really know me that well I am not really sure how he knows all of them. Two, I would pay for lunch. His reasoning and logic is that he works for a not for profit company and doesn’t have any money, etc, etc. I wouldn’t mind so much if we alternated but I never invite him to lunch, he always invites me. As I am walking into the restaurant I am holding a conversation with myself that is questioning why I am there. Me and my box of Puff’s sit down and wait. There is a third thing I know about these encounters, he is at least fifteen minutes late, always!

Everything went according to script. He complained and moaned about his life, his wife and the people who worked for him. Thank goodness for him or the entire galaxy would collapse upon itself………..

There are “toxic people” in this world. I believe that they are like hazardous material. You need to stay away from them and not involve yourself with them or you will become toxic also. I don’t believe anyone is born toxic, I believe that after a period of time they make the choice to live that way, and……………….. If we are who we hang around with, well you complete the sentence.

We are as dependant on these toxic people as they are dependent upon spewing their poison. They might be an aunt, an uncle, a parent, a child or a spouse. And after all aren’t we called to love?? Mostly what we see ourselves being called to do is avoiding any situation that is uncomfortable to us.

Now I’m not sure if it was because I felt just plain crummy or if I had a moment of enlightenment, but after we had finished eating I stood up, looked at him and said:
“Joe, I have really come to value the relationship I have created with myself. I am healthier and happier than I have been in years. But here’s the deal: I should have not eaten with you today because I felt really sick but you didn’t seem to care, you never seem to care. So I am really angry right now, mostly with me. When you want to have a relationship that is based on honesty and give and take call me and we can start over. Till then I think way too much of me.”

I picked up the check and walked to the counter, told the owner to split it in half and told him Joe would be paying for his half. Then I left.

Honestly? I felt bad all the way home. But after sitting in the living room for an hour and just reflecting on the whole situation I believe I did something very healthy for me. I took care of me.

See, we just don’t have toxic relationships with people; we can have them with food. I mean haven’t my cookies, cakes and pies always been there for me? And now you want me to abandon them and become a healthy and happy John. The nerve of you!!! They have always been there. Can’t you here my arteries closing as we speak?

Health is a choice and sometimes the choice isn’t always filled with sunshine and tulips. Sometimes it’s making that first step towards sanity that takes you down a new road. It’s pitfalls and setbacks and some days lots and lots of tears.

But let’s wrap this up on a positive note.

Remember when I told you I avoided this pizza joint because of its very own toxicity? Well for lunch today I had a large salad with tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, broccoli, some hardboiled egg and 2 tablespoons of bleu cheese dressing. I had ONE piece of pizza that mostly veggies. I am pleased.

I love me. I love me a lot and I believe I would do anything to make sure that love stays healthy and grows healthy. In a very healthy way, I hope you love you too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OMELYN 2/24/2010 2:19PM

    Happened upon you through Ramona's comment about your blog!
Good for you, I say. It's one thing to be available to others, but another to be walked on an viewed as a free lunch with good ears.

May be, just may be after he gets over the shock, your "friend" will learn something even more powerful than the good advice I'm sure you always give him could teach.


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CTENBRINK 2/24/2010 1:54PM

    Way to stand up for yourself!!!!!

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_SNOWMAN 2/23/2010 11:25PM

    Hi JohnTJ1

I'm a new old sparker as I have been around a long time but not active. I just wanted to say I liked your blog it made me think. Thanks for your contribution!


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_RAMONA 2/23/2010 10:37PM

    Hi, John! Nice to meet you... and WHAT an introduction. I stood up and cheered for you and the strength it took to stand up and put it all in perspective, out loud and (I believe) in a fair and loving way (the most loving action is not always the one that feels the best). You not only did something good for yourself, you did something good for him. Emotioanl bullies become as such because people generally don't stand up to them. Clearly this process is agreeing with you.

I am currently pondering a toxic relationship of my own... a relationship in which I did exactly what you just did... and I didn't feel badly about it... after 10 years, it was time. The other person, after a year came back and 'apologised' (sort of)... and we're sort of back where we started. And I'm trying to figure out how/what in me needs to be loved/healed more so that I can be more effective with this person and this relationship... but I'm struggling... and it hurts me.... it's rather insideous, and I can't quite grab ahold of it. You've given me food for thought...and that food is filling me up such that I have the strength to make other better choices.


May your every day be all you need it to be. May an all abiding peace fill your thoughts, rule in your dreams each night, and conquer all your fears. May God manifest himself in ways you have never before experienced. May your joys be fulfilled, your dreams be closer, and your cares be lifted. I pray that faith enters a new height in you, that your territory be enlarged, and that fulfillment is just one step closer.

MAY GOD ABUNDANTLY BLESS YOU, and those you love, in every way that you require. May he hold you gently in the palm of his hand in a very personal way, and may you rest in the fullness of his love, his grace, his strength, his wisdom, his rescue, his redemption, his healing, his inspiration, his restoration and his mercy as you require it! May you carry in your heart always an extra special awareness of God's great love for you, may you feel his sweet and gentle touch upon your life, and may you see his miracles all around you. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen!

Keep sparkin'!

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TNTEACHER2 2/23/2010 9:23PM

    Hi, John,
I see you have quite a following for your blog. You did very well with your acquaintance. Maybe now he will pick on someone else when he wants his luch paid for. And your salad lunch was great! Good for you!

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CRYSELLE 2/23/2010 7:09PM

    What an awesome blog!!! Great job of addressing the issues of toxic people. Oh draining they can be. That took courage, and I applaud you for it! What a wonderful, freeing thing it is to love ourselves enough to get rid of the people who feed off of us, but still love them enough to leave the door open to them for if they want to be healthy in our lives in the future. That is awesome!

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WANDAH3 2/23/2010 5:53PM

    Job well done! This journey to health is not only about the body becoming healthy, it's about everything in our lives. I have had to withdraw from some people in my life also because of the toxicity in the relationship. It was only dragging me down and back to a place I no longer wanted to be. I have found that as I have become healthier in mind, body and spirit that a couple of those relationships are now being allowed back in...but...on my terms. My relationship with God is far more wonderful than it has been at any point in my life, because I now place value on myself and live according to what resonates within my spirit. I no longer serve God out of fear, I serve him out of a place of love.
When we replace the negatives in our lives with positives we gain a whole new perspective on life. We learn to set healthy boundaries on what we listen to, how we speak and who we become involved with. That doesn't mean that we throw those relationships into the garbage completely...we can still pray for them to find their own place of peace and contentment.
A difficult thing that you did, but if it feels right in your spirit, then it was the right thing to do. You may just have been the spark that God needed to use to reach this person and for him to begin his own life changing journey.


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GIRANIMAL 2/23/2010 4:38PM

    Wow, GOOD for you for finding the strength to stand up for yourself! I think what you did took major courage -- both with this person and with the pizza joint, as others have said. Thank you so much for sharing -- I felt empowered just reading this blog!

emoticon emoticon

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NJMATTICE 2/23/2010 11:54AM

    Victorious! Good job.

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YOYONOMORE1 2/23/2010 10:41AM

    John, great job of addressing the issue of toxic people and how they can affect our lives if we continue to hang with them. I have a couple ladies that live here and the one in particular is so negetive and everytime she engages me in a conversation it always ends up with her critizing me for something, so I still speak to her, but I no longer let her engage me in converstaions. We will always encounter these people in our lives, so we need to learn how to handle them, and you did a marvelous job of doing exactly that. Keep on loving yourself.


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MINDAC20 2/23/2010 9:52AM

    Good for you! You did the right thing. Life is too short to spend it with toxic people.

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TRIPLE_EMME 2/23/2010 9:45AM

    I'm so proud of you for taking the steps to change the dynamic of these relationships: 1) relationship with the toxic "friend" and 2) relationship with the pizza joint.

I hope you feel better soon!

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CMBELISLE 2/23/2010 9:35AM

    I can relate to the toxic people issue and love how you described everything that happened and how you knew it would turn out before you even got there. I also love the fact that your found a way for your favorite pizza place to not be so toxic for you - you found a way to navigate the menu without closing your arteries.

Feel better soon - even sick, you write well!

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STAN5FAM 2/23/2010 8:27AM

    Another fantastic blog John. I am so very proud of you and your choices. You are an inspiration. Maybe it was a light bulb moment for him too.

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STORMTMB 2/23/2010 8:26AM

    You nailed it, John. You were direct and succinct. Who knows, maybe your acquaintance will want the same thing for himself. You told him what he needed to hear. You may never know how he benefits from it. Anyway, you made good choices. Hope you're feeling better today.


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FOXEYES2 2/23/2010 8:24AM

  Dude, that is one of the most awesome things I have ever read.
Yes you got to love yourself enough to walk away from people that are unhealthy for you. I am finding that for me this journey is about more than exercise and portion control and eating the right things it is also about mental well being.
So great job and don't waver or back down if he calls you and wants to play the same old tired scene. Peace.

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DOLLBABE56 2/23/2010 8:01AM

    John, I'm very proud of you. And, you are so right about there being toxic people. Negativity begets negativity. I am really making an effort to be more positive in my thinking and speaking. Sometimes this is very hard, but more and more I catch these thoughts and turn them around to a positive. What you did was a very brave thing to do. It was very freeing also. You also did great with your meal. The hardest thing to do is to be kind to ones self after a lifetime of putting others first.

Good on you! emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/23/2010 8:02:21 AM

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ITEACHKIDS81 2/23/2010 7:57AM

    Good for you! I'm glad you stood up for yourself and I'm glad you ate a healthier option. It is so hard to face temptation like that and not fall back into the old ways. With pizza, I still can't only have just 1 slice. Good for you!

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Letting Go

Monday, February 22, 2010

The more positive you think, feel and believe, the more positive your life becomes.

I am sick.

Not just a few sniffles and a runny nose but the fever, achy, “I wanna die” sort of sick. In a word I feel miserable. There is another part of me that is at peace with all of this. Don’t get me wrong I do not enjoy being ill. I am not sweating the details. I am not stressing. I am letting go.

I will not work out today. That would be suicide and its okay that I don’t, work out that is. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better and I will pick up where I left off Saturday morning. We got home last night and I started feeling bad. My plan was to go to the gym, instead I went to bed.
I have been doing too much, working at a pace quicker than my resources could supply and I got sick. As the saying goes ‘It is what it is.” I am letting go.

Letting go, to me, means that all the junk that clouds my mind gets put on hold and I simply exist for a day or so. I am starting to see that I am not what I accomplish, I am not how many friends I have or don’t have. It’s not about what I look like or the size of clothes I wear. It is about respecting me. It is about being present to myself and mostly its about trusting God, whatever you perceive Him or Her to be.

My favorite book in the Bible is Jonah. Jonah keeps running away and God keeps pulling him back. Jonah wants to go to New York and God wants him in San Diego.
Letting go. There is a real freedom in not knowing, in trusting and in waiting with real joy for the next chapter. It’s about the journey and the people we meet who fortify us. People like you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCYNA 2/25/2010 11:16AM

    We're all Jonah in a way....I wish I were in another place, and He's chasing me all the time...even on SP!!!! emoticon emoticon

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WANDAH3 2/22/2010 6:20PM

    John, good for you for valuing yourself and taking care of your body when it needs time to recover.

PS...I'm jealous of all the new art work you got this weekend. My granddaughter is getting beyond that stage already...siggghhhh.


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WINNERINKY 2/22/2010 10:16AM

    Hope you feel better soon.


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CMBELISLE 2/22/2010 9:51AM

    As I tell myself, my children and my hubby. If you have high fever, rest. If it is just a cold and it is neck up only (all in your head - lol), exercise. If just a cold and below the neck (as in the chest), rest.

Take care - you'll be back to it before you know it.

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STAN5FAM 2/22/2010 9:17AM

    Rest lots, fluids lots to let your body heal. Don't take any fever reducers unless your temp is greater than 100.5, some Docs say 101. The fever is our body's way of fighting/killing off the infection. And I will send you prayers for a speedy recovery! emoticon

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STORMTMB 2/22/2010 9:10AM

    My belief is that with your approach of actually taking it easy and letting your body rest, you'll be feeling better much sooner than if you tried to push through. Hope you're feeling better soon.


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Gone Fishing LOL

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Well I hasd a two pound plus losss this week so I am happy.

I am in Louisville today visitng my grandaughter. We havent seen her since the day after New Years. So there is no great words on inspiration form me today, except maybe this:

Enjoy your self and enjoy life and all the rest is small stuff. This journey should be a happy one. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Between balancing the carbs, the fat and the protien and getting my excercise in and comnpleting challenges and responding to every one who writes I often forget that there is a wonderful me, who should be enjoying all of this.

And.......... thank you all for being my friend. That is a priceless gift.

Have a good Sunday.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PINETREEGIRL 2/22/2010 12:13AM

    Happy Sunday to you, too!

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YOYONOMORE1 2/21/2010 3:59PM

    Enjoy your visit and time with your granddaughter. WTG with the 2 lbs. gone.


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OHYESITSME1 2/21/2010 1:57PM

    Enjoy your visit. Congratulation on the 2 pound loss. That's fantastic!

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NJMATTICE 2/21/2010 1:45PM

    Enjoy your visit and keep up the good work.

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KATIEGLEN012 2/21/2010 1:40PM

    Everyone deserves a day off!!!!! Congrats on the loss...and most of all enjoy your granddaughter...these grandchildren grow up way faster than our own kids did!!!!

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STORMTMB 2/21/2010 11:58AM

    Congrats on your weight loss and enjoy the visit with your granddaughter. I believe life is about following your own priorities.


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KRDRAPES 2/21/2010 11:46AM


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STAN5FAM 2/21/2010 11:10AM

    Have a "Whopper" of a day! Weightloss over weightgain always the start of a good one.

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WANDAH3 2/21/2010 10:44AM

    WOO HOO John...a two pound elimination is fantastic! Keep up the great work.

Have an wonderful time with your family.


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Overcoming Guilt Part 2

Saturday, February 20, 2010

A few years back I had the opportunity to go to a baseball game in San Diego. I am a huge baseball fan and it was my first time at that ball park. Suffice to say I was like a very young child at Christmas. Half way through the game a young man sat down next to me. He was dressed in a robe and sandals and was bald except for a top knot about six inches long coming directly out of the top of his head.

All through my life I have been one of those people who would talk to anyone about anything. I guess you could say I am blessed with being comfortable around people and I do enjoy learning about other folks. I don’t know a stranger.

After a bit I started talking to the young man and found out he was from a sect of Hari Krishna. As respectfully as I could I started to ask him questions about what his beliefs were. I stressed that I wasn’t making fun of him I really wanted to know “what he stood for” so to speak.

He and I had this conversation in 1993. What he told me, the one sentence he used to summarize his beliefs has stuck with me ever since and will until the day I die”

“Where you are, is where you should be, right now.”

In our lives there is no past, except that which we can learn from. If it’s good we repeat it, if it’s bad we learn from it and stay away from it in the future.
There is “no making things up to someone.” As much as I’d like it to be true I can’t even the scales by sending flowers, cards or candy. I thought something Tiger Woods said yesterday at his press conference hit the nail right on the head.
He said his wife told him she would judge his apology not by all the words but by his actions in the future.

There is no future, only what we are called and asked to do right now, today. In about fifteen minutes it means going to the gym with my wife and doing whatever we are going to do this morning. It means every day is a fresh page and whether people are comfortable with it or not I endeavor to treat each person who crosses my path with dignity, respect and genuine concern. It means that if I see you are doing something that’s going to hurt you I will tell you. I endeavor to do it in a way that is not judgmental.

Where I am is where I am supposed to be right now. All my mistakes of the past, my wrong turns, my bad relationships, the silly advice I listened to and gave served only one purpose: To put me here, right now.

It’s a blank page. Every day is a new day where you and I get another chance to be the most excellent us.

One of my newest Spark Friends refers to herself as a “super hero. ” Maybe we don’t run around in a cape and a mask, but how many of us can be heroes to those people right in front of us right now.

Yes there are days I wish I weighed one hundred fifty pounds, had a full head of hair and young ladies called me dude instead of sir. But I am called to be me, right now. Maybe a bit over weight a bit out of shape, but me.

So are you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIRANIMAL 2/22/2010 11:09AM

    Wow, thanks, dude! emoticon Seriously, great blog. I try to keep this lesson in mind myself, but unfortunately I all too give up my power to the daily grind and start to lose sight. Thanks so very, very much for another EXCELLENT reminder!

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MARCYNA 2/21/2010 9:03AM

    Hi John,
As usual, your blog's incredible.
Sometimes we truly understand our lives only when we talk with other people, and this is happening to me whenever I read your blog.

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CHANGEDIN09 2/21/2010 7:48AM

    Your posts are all great. Have to visit for my daily inspiration. THANKS

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WANDAH3 2/20/2010 6:51PM

    John, what a wonderful quote! It rather says it all.

I'm planning on keeping that quote on my posterboard. Thanks.


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NJMATTICE 2/20/2010 1:13PM

    Thanks for the positive reinforcement, John. For me, it's such a matter of getting out of head space and doing the actual work. The work is in the moment. it was an "AH HA" moment for me to finally realize that self esteem comes from hard work accomplished with your best efforts. I'm getting there, slowly. Now, I have to get back to "said" work.
Have a great weekend and keep up the good WORK!
Positive Bloggers team mate

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STAN5FAM 2/20/2010 11:31AM

    I really appreciate your daily effort of,"Food for Thought." emoticon

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KATIEGLEN012 2/20/2010 9:25AM

    Me, too. I believe that our past experiences only provide wisdom so that we may live the life we are meant to live now. And, we are indeed right where we are meant to be.

I so enjoy your writing...I always leave with something to think about.

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STORMTMB 2/20/2010 8:35AM

    Hey Dude, (I hope I'm young enough for you)

Glad that we're both right here right now. I like your ideas.

Have a great Saturday!


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Overcoming Guilt

Friday, February 19, 2010

I missed my workout yesterday. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Huh? There was more to do yesterday then there was day to do it in and by the time I finished with my work commitments I looked at the clock and it was after eight pm. I needed to be up early this morning to take an international phone call so I knew I needed to get my rest. Forty five minutes of cardio around eight thirty would have kept me up all night.

I was disappointed, but I didn’t go off the deep end. In the old days, which for our purposes here would be considered a little over two months ago, I would have despaired and eaten an entire cake. Instead, I went to bed. I realized there would most likely be other days like yesterday. I believe it is called life. I didn’t feel guilty! I woke up this morning and when I am finished writing this I am headed for the gym. I will pick up where I left off Wednesday.

The real revelation in all of this came at 3:47 AM when I popped out of bed. “That voice,” inside of me spoke. “You can never get to where you are going until you are happy with yourself where you are right now.” That was the most profound thing I ever heard. In an instant all my past failures, my misperceptions or whatever you wanted to call them made sense. I was living in the future and when the image of the future didn’t match the behavior of the present, well I gave up.

Being happy with me as I am right now is difficult. Everything around me tells me to improve to be better to work harder. Nothing tells me to value who I am right now. So I agree, it’s difficult but not impossible. I shared this thought with my wife who gave me one of those “You’re just now realizing this?” looks, in a loving sort of way.

I have my wife my family, my healthy friends who I hang around with and you guys, the Sparky’s. yes, I know we are all on this journey towards whatever it is we are looking for. Appreciate yourselves right now for who you are, at this very moment in time.

I appreciate every one of you!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIRANIMAL 2/22/2010 10:48AM

    Oh man, the power of now! Why is it so hard to embrace something so basic? But you're totally right -- it's when you can accept who you are NOW that the changes you need to achieve future you always seem to start falling into place. Thanks for the reminder! Must be a reason I came across this three days later, on a Monday morning. I'm going to try using it for motivation throughout the week! emoticon

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MARCYNA 2/21/2010 9:11AM

    I think you're a wonderful human being & on a journey to a better life. You can skip gym once or twice, it does't change the course of your behaviour. emoticon

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NICKI2B 2/20/2010 8:41PM

    I appreciate you too! Great ah-ha moment!

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1WALKINGMAN 2/19/2010 11:32PM


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OHYESITSME1 2/19/2010 3:05PM

    Loved this blog! It's so true. As a yoga instructor, I am constantly asking the students to "stay present, just in this one moment".

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BECCALYNN75 2/19/2010 11:32AM

    emoticon Glad you listened to that inner voice and thank you so much for sharing it with us. I needed to hear that today too!

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CMBELISLE 2/19/2010 11:00AM

    I too have a hard time with liking who I am now, so I try to break it down into pieces and focus on those pieces I like now, while improving the pieces I don't like. While I am currently someone obsessed with my daily 10, I know there will come a day when I can't get that 10. When it comes, I will do my best to not freak out, but until then, I'll keep obsessing.


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TNTEACHER2 2/19/2010 9:54AM

    My husband and I decided some years ago that we needed to enjoy NOW instead of always planning for the future.

Good for you, John.


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HPLANDER 2/19/2010 9:33AM

    You are totally right about liking yourself in the moment. When you do that and take care of you in the now, the body you want will come. It took me a long time to realize this too, but once I did the process of losing weight was much more fun. Keep going and I am glad you didn't eat an entire cake.

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HPLANDER 2/19/2010 9:17AM

    You are totally right about liking yourself in the moment. When you do that and take care of you in the now, the body you want will come. It took me a long time to realize this too, but once I did the process of losing weight was much more fun. Keep going and I am glad you didn't eat an entire cake.

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STORMTMB 2/19/2010 8:50AM

    And I appreciate you and your insights. Hey, have you heard that you are who you hang around with!?!?! lol.

Have a Fabulous Friday!


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