Tuesday, April 26, 2011
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Monday, April 25, 2011
The last words our pastor had for us yesterday as Mass ended were these. “Today is Easter. Take some time today to remove all your burdens and put down the cross you’re carrying and enjoy the specialness of Easter.” We tried, we really did. All went well until around 4:00 PM. Joan and I went to Wal-Mart. Joan tripped on the wet floor walking in, hurt her leg and broke her glasses. We got her home and iced up and settled in for the night when our storm sewer backed up in the basement. We’ve had about six inches of rain in the past three days and coupled with DD doing wash, the long and short of it was we were up until midnight mopping and sucking and generally being in foul moods. Honest, I kept trying to put down my cross, release my burdens all that cool stuff. I sort of gave up around 11:30 last night.
There was a bright spot yesterday morning, right after church. I dropped Joan and the DD’s off at home and headed to Kroger because we forgot to buy butter. As I was leaving an elderly gentleman was walking in front of me. In his arms was a potted lily plant. It was pretty big and he was moving pretty slow. He glanced at me and said, “These get heavier every year!”
Why don’t you put it in a cart?” I asked. So I grabbed him a cart and me and my new friend headed into the parking lot.
“It’s for my wife. I get her one every Easter morning. We been married fifty years and every Easter when I walk in the door she claps her hands and say’s “Oh my!!! How did you guess lilies were my favorite flower?” His eyes danced a bit as he told me that. “Yup, she says the same thing every year.”
I know it was Easter but he looked like a little kid on Christmas morning. “I don’t get around too well anymore, but I still can do this. Probably will ‘til I can’t move anymore. “I reached my car and said to him. “Tell your wife I hope she has a good Easter.” He waved to me and said he would and we parted company.
I believe in angels. I believe they are as real as you and I. Use whatever term you want to describe them I believe they are among us, supporting us, guiding us and giving us hope when we need it most. I met one yesterday. He was walking across Kroger’s parking lot lugging a large potted lily plant in the rain, grinning as he did because he couldn’t wait to see the look on his wife’s face when he handed it to her. That is lots love there. There is lots devotion there and just for a brief moment last night I put down my cross and let that Easter sunshine trickle into my heart.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
It would have been easy for him. No one would have batted an eye. He could have picked up a stone, and joined the crowd. The law, after all, was on their side. The woman was wrong, she had broken a law. She had sinned and she must be punished and it needed to be done soon. It would have been easy.
Instead he placed himself between the crowd and the woman so they couldn’t throw their stones. He looked at the ground for a bit and then made eye contact with each of them. “If YOU have never done anything remotely wrong, made a mistake, an error in judgment, anything like that. If you feel your slate is as pure as the driven snow, go ahead and throw the stone.
I imagine it was a bit tense for a few seconds. What if they didn’t get the point? He was directly in the line of fire. They’d not only get her but him also. They had the perfect justification. He had caused them to think about what they were getting ready to do. He asked then to look at them. They couldn’t have this. In the end they relented. They put down their stones and walked away.
I lie in bed this morning and that story popped into my head. I got a bit emotional. I realized that I walk around with a stone in my hand pretty much all the time. Oh, it has different things written on it. All of them are justified in my mind. They are people, or groups of people who don’t think the way I do and so I go running for some obscure quote, twist it a bit to make sure I feel right about what I am about to do, and then I rear back in my best Nolan Ryan impersonation and splatter you with that stone. I can almost hear the heavenly choir warming up in the background. The emotion that welled up inside of me had nothing to do with guilt or anything like it. It had to do with the fact that today, Easter, marks a new chapter, a new beginning in my life, my WHOLE life, if I choose to take it. It represents a resurrection, a casting off of old ways, beliefs and behaviors and embracing health in a holistic manner. It means that my body, mind and soul have a new opportunity to start again and in many ways become whole.
I embraced Good Friday a bit different than most Christians did this past week. I used it as a day to make peace and to let those old things inside of me die. It had to happen. There can be no resurrection inside of me until I let those things that hold me back die. They need to be dealt with and put in their proper place. I need to put down those stones, especially the ones I aim at my own image in the mirror.
Today is a resurrection for me as well as it can be for all of us. A time to recommit, renew and most importantly a time to quit throwing those gosh darned stones.
However you choose to celebrate it, have a Happy Easter
Saturday, April 23, 2011
I’m not sure if this qualifies as venting, a rant or just being very perturbed. I will leave to you to decide. I do know it’s not Bit$%ing.
I had a telephone appointment yesterday at eleven with a potential client. It’s important to note this company contacted me through a mutual acquaintance, said they’d love to explore working with me, could I email them my contact information. All they had was a phone number. No problem. That was about six weeks ago. Last Thursday I get a call from the mutual friend. Could I resend the email? It was misplaced. Okie-dokie, no problem. Tuesday evening I have a voice mail on my cell phone. It’s the company president. He wants to set up appointment time to speak with me later in the week. He called around eight thirty in the evening. The next morning I return his call we chat for a few minutes and decide to get together via telephone yesterday at eleven. Eleven comes and goes and he doesn’t call. Maybe I was supposed to call him. I get his voice mail. I send an e-mail. As I write this blog I haven’t heard from him. I rescheduled an appointment for later in the day to be able to speak with him and there was no notification; no “Gee, I’m sorry, something came up.” I called the mutual friend. She said his office was closed for Good Friday. Was I sure he said Friday. I forwarded her the e-mail. She responded by saying “Oh.”
I accepted a new coaching client after going through a rather lengthy discerning process with her. We schedule an appointment and she cancels ten minutes before we are supposed to meet. She is the backup contact for her sister from her nephew’s school. Her sister would rather not leave work. She was having a productive day so my client had to go get the sick child. I was scratching what little hair I had left. So she had to cancel. Because I work out of my home and much of my work is confidential if Joan is not working she will vacate the premises so the client feels more at ease. So I call Joan tell her she can come home. I am kind and understand and reschedule the appointment for early last Friday, before we left town for the weekend. It never happened. She called and cancelled at six am. She told me she had gashed a knuckle moving a box around the previous afternoon. She got angry when I asked why she didn’t call the previous afternoon. She referred to me as a donkey, but not in those terms and hung up.
Is it me or are people just becoming less accountable for what they commit to?
Don’t get me wrong, I am surrounded by uber wonderful folks in my life but more and more I notice a trend of people saying “Gee, that’s too bad. I decided not to come”
Friday, April 22, 2011
If I took the time to listen to what I’m saying on a regular basis I just might find out a bit more about what makes me tick. But, like many people I am a bit scared to understand myself. That would mean I’d have to do something and Lord knows we can’t have that, can we? I’m not talking about therapy, self-help books, DVD’s or the like. I’m talking about listening to myself talk.
I had coffee with a friend yesterday and he told me about someone he worked with. He said he noticed they began every sentence with a negative statement. It was like the glass was half empty before he even started. As we talked more he said this person was a “real downer to work with. “ Nothing was ever good enough and nothing was ever right. It was like E-yore from Winnie The Pooh walking around all day going “Poor me…..”
I took that thought with me yesterday and did some serious contemplation. I was surprised by what I found out about myself. when I am feeling a bit anxious, maybe a little insecure or unhappy I filter that through my thoughts and ultimately what I say. Nothing is ever good enough. If I eat outside my calorie range I pull out the whip and begin to scourge myself and when that’s not good enough I’ll include you. What’s the old saying? “Misery loves company.” After a awhile I don’t even notice I’m doing it. It becomes part of my routine. Oh I may disguise it as sarcasm, or humor, because, don’t you know, that’s just the way I am.
It’s just another excuse for me to stay stuck. If I see my world as being hopeless, helpless and futile, then I might as well punch my ticket for pity-party-central and flop back on the couch. I can convince myself of anything, if I try hard enough. Living in balance, spiritually, mentally and physically is easy on a good day. Those days when everything goes right, it’s pretty easy to be upbeat and positive.
The reason I’m over weight is my own doing. It’s not a character flaw. I don’t deserve to be singled out for punishment either by myself or others. Yeah, there are cruel people in this world and some days I believe I can tell you where every one of them lives. There is nothing wrong with me. But inside of me, that voice, that self-talk, reminds me that there is. I never want to be alone so as soon as I begin to believe there is something wrong with me, I will find something wrong with you! My words come from my thoughts. When I perceive myself in a negative way, that’s what you are going to hear. When I see myself in a positive light or accept me for where I am at right now, then I can begin to see the rays of sunshine poking through the clouds. Then, not only am I okay, but so are you! Hooray!!!!
I know where I am “supposed to be.” It’s not always where I am at right now and sometimes it seems so far away, but I won’t ever get there until I learn to love me and be at peace with the current me and please oh please John, quit beating up for stuff the rest of the world never, ever notices. That’s ground zero, the here and now. An honest assessment of me and my journey means I can start to contruct goals that will help me get to where I want to go.
Kermit the Frog said, “It’s not easy being green.” I don’t think any of this is easy. I think it requires hard work, diligence and beginning to appreciate yourself. Then and only then can I appreciate someone else.
What’s that you say? You’re all alone? Look around you, there are millions on either side of you who are ready to lend a hand. I know, most of them are my good friends.
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