JOHNTJ1   67,311
SparkPoints
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
 
 
JOHNTJ1's Recent Blog Entries

Sometimes We Don't Know.....

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I never met Amandaís dad. If the weather breaks in the Western part of the state later today I am going to attend his funeral. I helped hire Amanda for a client of mine about five years ago and while I never knew her dad I knew he was a good man. I saw it every time I was with her.

Amanda wasnít poor but she wasnít rich either. She lived in an area that just skirted an upscale development and as a result went to school with a lot of people who were better off materially then she was. One of her references was an attorney, whose daughter was Amandaís best friend. He told me the thing that impressed him the most about her was her integrity. He said when the girls would all gather at his house on a Friday night and stay up until the wee hours he would always hear her getting ready to go to work at five am. She worked in a fast food restaurant. He told her a number of times she should just call in and he said sheíd look at him like he was from another planet. My client says she is there early and often volunteers to stay late. Today she is thirty with a husband and child.

Ask anyone who knows her and they will tell you sheís a ďgood person.Ē That doesnít happen automatically and it doesnít happen by reading the latest book on how to raise a child. It happens from setting a good example. Amandaís dad and mom did that. When I interviewed her for her job I asked her why she left nursing school. She blinked a few times and said ďI have to eat, donít I.Ē

I thought about all this while I was waking up this morning. Sometimes I feel like I could have been a much better dad then I was to my kids. Itís a weak spot inside of me. But my kids are very much like Amanda. They grew up to be good people who take responsibility for themselves and their actions. If I had a dime for every time someone stopped me and asked ďArenít youÖÖÖ.Ē And then proceeded to tell me what a good person one of my children is, Iíd be very rich. I donít have any doctors, lawyers, or Nobel Prize winners around the table at Thanksgiving just a lot of good people.

Maybe you donít have children but I can quite imagine being the amazingly wonderful person you are that you have and do influence peopleís lives in a positive manner on a day to day basis. Just like Amandaís dad, we go about our lives never really knowing the tremendous impact we have on each other.

So from the bottom of my heart, thanks for the impact you have on me. Iím better for it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 2/15/2011 11:18AM

    I have good children...and it amazes me that they are since I am their mother and I was not a good mother.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ZURDTA- 2/12/2011 4:27AM

    Lovely and so true...

Report Inappropriate Comment
MORTICIAADDAMS 2/11/2011 10:10PM

    It sounds like Amanda's father was a good man and he left a good legacy. It's all any of us can ask for.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRACEY5280 2/11/2011 1:44PM

    The impact you have is lasting. Thank you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JPRICE217 2/11/2011 9:35AM

    emoticonthank you for your blog

Report Inappropriate Comment
REJ7777 2/11/2011 3:04AM

    "Just like Amandaís dad, we go about our lives never really knowing the tremendous impact we have on each other." That's true. As they say, some things are caught, not taught.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARTOONB 2/10/2011 11:03PM

    Not to sound like I'm bragging, but I think my parents did an outstanding job raising all three of their children. I really hope I can do as well as they did with mine.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HDHAWK 2/10/2011 5:48PM

    Here's a great big thank you right back at ya!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIME4AFITME 2/10/2011 5:04PM

    You have made a huge impact in mine and I thank you emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 2/10/2011 4:50PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GIRANIMAL 2/10/2011 4:35PM

    I'm quite sure you're right about Amanda's dad. And yourself, though you're foolishly hesitating to give credit where credit is due (which is not like you!). I am not perfect or rich or famous, but I have a strong work ethic and a good heart. Sometimes I am downright mean and I have a temper that could rival anyone's, though I never intend to be. Most of the time I make a selfless effort to be kind, friendly and respectful. And I learned all of these things -- "good" and "bad" -- from my beloved mother, may she forever be in peace.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOLLBABE56 2/10/2011 1:23PM

    And thank you John

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOUANN22 2/10/2011 12:58PM

    thats a great blog :) I enjoyed reading it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOUANN22 2/10/2011 12:58PM

    thats a great blog :) I enjoyed reading it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOUANN22 2/10/2011 12:58PM

    thats a great blog :) I enjoyed reading it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GETFIT2LIVE 2/10/2011 12:35PM

    I often feel the same way about the job I did with my daughter, John--I see all the things I wish that I'd done better or different. Then I look at the amazing woman, wife, and mother she has grown into and have to believe we must have done okay. I hope you can make it to the funeral for Amanda's sake.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUVMYK9S 2/10/2011 11:16AM

    Thanks John! I have a 9 year old son and I try to be a good example but there are times that I feel that I am not the best role model (like when I lose my temper and say things I wish I hadn't). But his teachers and other parents are always telling me what a good child he is. My only hope is that he continues to grow into a wonderful person that I know that he is.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 2/10/2011 10:57AM

    It leaves me wondering, I've always complained as I have no children but I meet hundreds of teenager everyday for my job, so I can always leave an example of integrity. Thanks for sharing - and for setting a super-example emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRIPLE_EMME 2/10/2011 10:19AM

    Another GREAT blog! Thanks for sharing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMBELISLE 2/10/2011 10:13AM

    If we can ever get the details, the hubby and I will be attending the funeral of another "good person" in the coming days. My hubby has known him for the last 25 years and was devastated by the news of his death - he and his wife were shot and killed by their son-in-law two nights ago.

Report Inappropriate Comment
EMTFF376 2/10/2011 9:25AM

    Sometimes you don't have to know the person whose left this world, but offer support to the ones that are left. I learned this the hard way on the squad. Even if I was fine with a call, I realized I was being selfish and not offering my support to my fellow crew members who may not have been fine with it. I learned CISD is not just about me talking to the shrink, but about me being there for my brothers and sisters. Good for you for offering your support.

I won't pretend to armchair quarterback about kids (since I don't have any), but seems to me if you have children you are proud of, you've done a good job and should be proud of yourself as well.

Have a great day, John.

Hugs,
Janette


Report Inappropriate Comment
SARAWALKS 2/10/2011 9:25AM

    SO TRUE. emoticon emoticon


Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 2/10/2011 9:06AM

    Right back at you John emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSTANG_SALLY2 2/10/2011 9:00AM

    Right back at you John. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 2/10/2011 8:58AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


No Matter How It's Packaged Stuffing Is Not Good For You

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

When I joined Spark a little over a year ago I made a promise to myself that no matter how painful it was or how alone it made me feel I would never hide my feelings, my fears or my own self-doubts. If you read my blogs itís often like riding Space Mountain ---- you can get awfully dizzy and have a hard time following where I am going. Sometimes I do too!! One thing I will not do is stuff my feelings or perceptions because in reality itís impossible to do so. When I decide to deny a feeling, a thought or a perception and push it way down deep inside because after all, no one has ever felt the way I do or did annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd if you discovered how I felt about myself some days you just might not like me. I am not getting rid of the feeling I am stuffing it and it will find a way to surface. It may be through a bad mood or possibly disagreeing with absolutely everything you say simply because I can. It may be through emotional eating or being jealous of someone elseís success. We all got our own demons.

Hereís the question though: Do I run the demons or do the demons run me? On a good day itís about seventy-thirty in favor of John. On my worst day they win, hands down. Iím fat, ugly old and bald, no one loves me no one ever has and no one ever will. Heap on the self-pityÖÖÖÖ.. There is enough to go around.

So I am learning to let it out. If I donít like me today Iíll tell ya. I make no excuses or apologies. I am accepting a tremendous responsibility when I activate this process. Because when I let it out I have to deal with it. I have to accept responsibility for how I feel and do something about it if it warrants doing. Otherwise I am simply yelping and moaning and that does no one any good.

When I stuff my feelings I am being terribly vain and selfish. I presume that you do not have the capability to understand or accept me and in a perverse sort of my I turn my self-inferiority into a superiority of sorts that sets me above the rest of you. I refuse to do that. I refuse to be any more than your equal brother, linked arm and arm with you, metaphorically or otherwise, walking through this amazing process we call our lives.

When I stuff my feelings I become a coward. I run and hide behind my own need for approval and make sure I say all the right stuff so you will love me, like me and accept me. The irony here is that you probably feel the same way. So here we sit, huddled in our own self destructive corners wondering why no one cares.

Have you asked to be loved? Iím not talking about flowers, chocolate and a few moments of passion. Iím not talking about stick people on the fridge. Those are expressions of love. I am talking about that tremendous feeling of release you get when you allow yourself to become vulnerable to another and let them see you warts and all. I am talking about being accepted by the same warriors and heroes who fight the same battles and have your scars. When I donít stuff how I feel I am activating the courage gene deep inside of me and yeah it means Iíll most likely face some criticism and mucho pain and suffering but the release, ah the release that comes with knowing I am true and authentic and real. Then I cry but they are the same kind of tears I cried when I ran the last half mile of my first 5K. They were tears of triumph. They were tears of joy and relief to know I had endured and been real.

No matter how itís packaged, stuffing is not good for ya.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 2/15/2011 11:16AM

    You make me think too much. You make me feel too much. Thank you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DGILBRIDE1949 2/12/2011 10:35AM

    This is so perfect. And right after the death of my mother. It really made me think. Thanks!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
-CORAL- 2/10/2011 10:25AM

    Your blog really resonated with me. I do this a lot. There are a couple people in my life that I let all the pain and self-loathing I feel out to, and they are wonderful. Sometimes I think I should just blog it out, but the thought of writing it all would make it feel too real, and then I would be getting advice from all sorts of people! Anyway, thank you for writing this.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FATBOTTOMGRL1 2/10/2011 9:46AM

    Reading your blog is just what I needed today, THANK YOU! I do look for approval from others, instead of myself. You touched upon so many things that I am trying to learn.

Well done, sir

Karah

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATYMACK 2/10/2011 9:26AM

    This is a fantastic blog. As someone who just very recently ended a 6 yr relationship - I am learning how to work with my feelings and not keep them stuffed inside (it's amazing how much that in itself will wreck havoc on your health). Thank you for putting into words the thoughts that have been running in my head lately.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOSH20101 2/10/2011 9:22AM

    John I can always identify so easily with your posts. You really get to the heart of the matter and are such an inspiration to me. Thank you

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 2/10/2011 9:02AM

    This blog is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO perfect. You have said many things here, I identify with all of it, and I completely and totally agree with you on a million counts.

I like the way you put it.... Stuffing. Yes. That's exactly it. I never really THOUGHT about that before. That it will eventually come out in some way or another, it must be dealt with, so why not now? It's less painful than later!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 2/10/2011 8:44AM

    It's so difficult to become vulnerable to other human beings. It's relatively easy here on Sp but it's very hard for me to do it on a daily basis. Yes I admit I'm weak, I admit I'm often remote-contolled by my demons and I'd love to become more & more myself and let go of my feelings.
This is why I'm here on SP. emoticon
Ps I love this blog....so you, John!!!!

Comment edited on: 2/10/2011 8:45:26 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
OUBACHE 2/10/2011 8:09AM

    Another great blog. I agree with a lot of the others -- you are truly speaking for a lot of us. Your feeling are ours. See, you're not alone, we're right there with you, step by step. Hey, if that's not at least a form of love, I don't know what is.

Report Inappropriate Comment
AKATUJE 2/10/2011 1:40AM

    I read the title and thought "how did he know I had two boxes of stuffing in cupboard?". Then of course I started reading and that was not it... ((grin)) I just might get rid of the boxes, been looking at them for close to 4 months now!!!

As always, thank you for sharing this. You say things I need to hear and work on, and give me a perspective that is just mind blowing. I am a stuffer, mainly because growing up my peeps thought I was too sensitive and I had to learn to hide how I felt to avoid worse remarks. Now I am learning to open up, because only then do I realize the potential of my relationships. Stuffing robs me of maturity, and depth. And I do not want to live like that!!!

I sincerely hope that when i am your age, I am half as wise you are. It is a blessing to have you in my life.

Blessings. Peace.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUNEAU2010 2/9/2011 9:51PM

    I had been thinking of writing a similar blog, though, from the title, I was thinking November thoughts!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GIRANIMAL 2/9/2011 4:01PM

    Great timing as always! Sometimes I think you live in my brain. emoticon

I've gotten better about stuffing. I was positively crippled by it as a child. Now I talk WAY more than I used to. In fact I am now a blabbermouth! It's like someone opened a floodgate once I got started and I've been unable to close it for years.

And yet, I still battle sadness, anger, self-pity and embarrassing levels of lacking self-worth. So hmmm...

Maybe I'm not reaching the real roots. Because I swear plenty of times I can't seem to identify what's even really bothering me! It's like a little kid playing hide and seek, and it's found another hiding space before I can grab the little sucker by the scruff of the neck. emoticon

Hey, this self-improvement stuff is hard work!


Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 2/9/2011 2:59PM

    I had a huge wall around me for years.. I built it up against my father he was abusive mentally and phsically...It is only now in my late sixties that I have been able to lower that wall ...
I bless the day I had a heart attack 10 years ago because that was when my wall crumbled.... I was so vulnerable ... then I realised... because I could show my feeling others could show theirs.
Life is good now John Hope you will find this feeling too..
Hugs Susie emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/9/2011 3:00:02 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
REJ7777 2/9/2011 2:55PM

    I think that your personal honesty is what makes so many of us relate to your blogs.

Your blog reminded me of a book I read some years back, entitled, "Why Am I Afraid to Show You Who I Am?" The author pointed out that if I offer you a false version of myself and then you reject me, I can tell myself, "That wasn't the real me anyway." But if I show you the real me, and you reject me, I have nothing else to offer you! It takes courage to be authentic.

I personally believe that good, affirming families are among the most important relationships possible, because in them, the family members accept every other member, warts and all.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRETTYBLKGYRL 2/9/2011 2:37PM

    I truly have no words, your message was deep & it hit home for me. I'm a stuffer & my eldest is a stuffer too emoticon

this is just one of the many reasons emoticon, by connecting w/ others you realize learn you aren't alone. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRIPLE_EMME 2/9/2011 2:30PM

    Way to go with keeping it real!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBRITA01 2/9/2011 2:17PM

    Loved the blog and your message is spot-on, as usual emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOUANN22 2/9/2011 2:13PM

    We all hide our feelings sometimes its also one of the things that I need to work on also. I wish you luck.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GETFIT2LIVE 2/9/2011 2:08PM

    John, I appreciate your honesty and openness, that's one of the things that is so refreshing about your blogs, besides the fact that you're just an awesome person in general. You are so right; stuffing is NOT good for you. Finding healthy ways to express what's inside is part of the process on this journey, because stuffing feelings usually results in an explosion of some kind eventually--anger, high blood pressure, ulcers, extra weight or something else. Our bodies and minds and spirits were not created to hold things in.

Some days I find myself being disappointed in myself or jealous because someone else has lost weight faster, or gotten to where they can run a distance I'm aiming for, or otherwise 'beat' me in some way. That's when I have to recognize what I'm feeling, own it completely, and then find a way to stop comparing myself to someone else. This is my journey, not someone else's. I have my own bumps and bruises and falls, successes and failures; there will always be someone else who loses faster or more, runs faster or farther, writes better, etc., etc. That's irrelevant to my journey, other than to allow them to serve as an inspiration and motivation to keep learning, keep growing, keep moving forward on my own path.

You are anything but unloved or the only one who feels the way you do. Thanks for letting us in on your journey.

Report Inappropriate Comment
EMTFF376 2/9/2011 1:49PM

    I love your blogs and how deep they are. They really make me think... and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but the first thing I thought when I read the title is yummmmm, stuffing.

Then I read the entire blog and thought, ok, maybe THAT kind of stuffing isn't so good... or as you said its not good for you no matter what.

I think so many of us on spark are peas from the same pod. I, too, cried at the end of my first big race. They had a timing mat set up and with the chips on our legs, they could tell who was coming into the finish. I heard for myself and all the world to hear, "Janette Bennett... you are an IRONGIRL". I cried. My husband at the time didn't understand it. I don't think he ever will.

I think I'm pretty good about letting things out now. I wasn't before and maybe now I'm a little TOO good at it. LOL. Trust me, you'll never not know how I'm feeling and you'll never not know where you stand with me. :)

thanks for all that you do for me, John.
Janette


Report Inappropriate Comment


A Walking Meditation

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

I was looking for some meditations last night. I would like to start meditating before I excercise because I have noticed I am not as realxed as I should be prior to excercise and I end up with all sorts of little aches and pains.

Anyways...........

I ran accross this meditation at a web site called www.learningmeditation.com. They have all sorts of ways to relax and they provide text for you too. This one caught my eye so I thought I'd share.

Be blessed today.


"Walking alone has always provided me with the time to mindfully quiet my thinking. Early morning is my favorite time to walk. I mean really early. The traffic sounds are at a minimum, the waking birds are at their most vocal.

I begin by just being aware of the environment. I notice the color of the sky, the mood the trees set, the way the air touches my skin and certainly, the sounds.

I always take deep breaths as I start out. Big, steady strides- not necessarily fast, but steady. Then, when I feel like Iím in sync, I begin to consciously turn my mind off.

I concentrate on my breathing. I inhale for two or three steps then I exhale for the next. If thoughts come to mind I discourage them leading to solo conversation. I just ignore myself.

Before I know it I am engrossed in doing nothing but moving and I am as relaxed as if I were in my sitting meditation position. The pace matches the rhythm of my breathing. My pulse is slow and steady.

I thoroughly enjoy nothingness. Often my spirit will divulge important messages to me as if by osmosis; they just occur to me completely. Not as a thought; I am not thinking, but as a fact, a feeling, a sense. a sensation.

From these messages I may decide upon a few words to use repetitively. Invariably this phrase touches exactly upon what my spirit and soul know I need to address. I continue on until I know it is time to return.

Walking meditation has long been practiced by people who are both physically and spiritually enlightened. The two practices go together naturally. Each provides the time and space to connect with your soul. Silent or with music, anything goes.

Try it!"




  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIRANIMAL 2/10/2011 4:26PM

    I've been meaning to try walking meditation. I was really glad to read an article about meditation lately that was pretty all-encompassing. It suggested walking meditation as a viable alternative for those of use who are just Too. Darned. Anxious. about sitting still for very long. (Or, I've been thinking, for people like me for whom inactivity breeds pain.)

Anywho, so thanks for sharing! This reminds me of the 5 a.m. bike rides I used to take, long before Spark, through this positively amazing park in my old neighborhood. It's big enough that if you get far enough in, most of the street sounds drop away, and that early it's just you and the birds, squirrels and the homeless folks sleeping what appears to be peacefully. Man, I miss that park terribly.



Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 2/10/2011 9:02AM

    This is wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing

Report Inappropriate Comment
ABBY_G 2/9/2011 9:40AM

    Thanks for the site recommendation. Looks interesting.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSTANG_SALLY2 2/9/2011 8:49AM

    I took a meditation class and they had us do this out in a wooded area. It was lovely. I had thought at the time I'd do this a lot. Thanks for the reminder!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 2/8/2011 5:47PM

    Awesome !! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 2/8/2011 5:43PM

    Literally putting one foot in front of the other is usually better than spending an hour on the therapist's couch. It is almost guaranteed every time - you feel so much better upon coming back from a nice walk than you ever would have imagined! It is a priceless prescription, and something you can fit into almost ANY day! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 2/8/2011 4:47PM

    Thanks for sahring.
I alos do this on the train ride to Brisbane (over an hour)
and find it good for the soul. I look out and imagine if there is wildlife
amongst the trees etc.


Report Inappropriate Comment
REJ7777 2/8/2011 3:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MORTICIAADDAMS 2/8/2011 3:31PM

    Sounds great. I love to meditate. Keeps me semi-sane. LOL.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAE_HENNINGTON 2/8/2011 1:10PM

  I have been doing this for a long time.. it helps me to refocus my thinking when I slip off center from time to time...thanks for sharing

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 2/8/2011 1:02PM

    WoW, I read that people who spend time meditating lose weight twice as much, I will try, thanks for sharing emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMBELISLE 2/8/2011 12:54PM

    I think the reason I like walking so much is that I can turn off my brain. I count my steps or breaths and concentrate on that. I almost always feel better after a walk outside than almost any other exercise I can do.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKENISTA 2/8/2011 10:26AM

    Very often, walking is the only exercise I get. I find that using a mantra not only helps my walking rhythm but clears my mind. Right now, I'm using "Deeds not Words" over and over.

Thanks for this web site. I will definitely check it out. I also use a lot of the meditations in the book "Creating Money" by Sanaya Roman and Dwayne Packer.

Good luck with this and speak to you soon!



emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KAT573 2/8/2011 9:09AM

    I love, love, LOVE walking; I do not find it necessary to 'ignore' my thoughts but rather to become mindful of them, too, in a detached manner and to then refocus on de-focus. SOME days, I get the best clarity on thoughts I have been having that become crystal clear while walking. These are both reasons why I love walking.......of course it also gets my blood flowing and my body ready to roll! Have a wonderful walk!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CATHERINEL66 2/8/2011 8:38AM

    Nice, John. I keep a bunch of guided meditation podcasts on my ipod. Best thing is that they were all free podcasts. If you get a chance, check out itunes, do a search for guided meditations. I like the Meditation Station and Meditation Oasis ones.

Report Inappropriate Comment
EMTFF376 2/8/2011 8:23AM

    Wonderful! When I have time, I enjoy a nice session of meditation after my morning yoga routine.

I will have to try an early morning walk back at home in the state park one of these days.

Hope you have a glorious day!
Janette

Report Inappropriate Comment


The Angels Among Us

Sunday, February 06, 2011

We went to Louisville yesterday to do a bit of shopping and to visit the kids who lived there. It's been a tense few days, given what happened late last week and I feel physically and emotionally drained. By yesterday afternoon I was weary of discussing the situation and all of its ramifications. The regional news had picked up the story. (If you are in the dark read my last blog.) We were getting phone calls from friends asking us "Is that your church where it happened?"

Sigh

After lunch I was sitting on DS couch and into the room marched my grand daughter with an armful of books. She announced she was supposed to read to me. Her teacher said so. So we sat for about an hour and I listened to a five year old sound out words and sit up proudly when she finished a book. She sort of cuddled into my arm and belly and just droned on.

When we finished she gave me a sticker for being good and a kiss on the cheek.

God chooses to send angels in all shapes and sizes and He never ceases to amaze me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JPRICE217 2/9/2011 7:29AM

    you are so fortunate to have them little angles do not have any as of yet but I am sure wanting them.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRACEY5280 2/8/2011 3:44PM

    Love this on so many levels. Angels are among us and usually where we least expect.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 2/8/2011 8:05AM

    that really is just beautiful

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 2/7/2011 7:33PM

    You are right about angels being among us. They come in the form of our most beloved family members and friends. You are an angel to many, too, John! I hope you feel better soon....

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSTANG_SALLY2 2/7/2011 1:57PM

    That has to be the best therapy session I've ever heard of and you got a sticker to boot. Wow!

Hang in there John.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRIPLE_EMME 2/7/2011 11:51AM

    emoticon

I hope you savored every moment of your special reading time. What a treat!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LILIVW 2/6/2011 11:08PM

    How precious!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHILDOFGOD4LIFE 2/6/2011 8:21PM

    During the most difficult times, a hug from a grandchild can help to heal our hearts and minds.

God Bless you, John
Carol from NE Ohio

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 2/6/2011 3:45PM

    Just what you needed John. A true little angel.
So glad you got a sticker - and a kiss emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARTOONB 2/6/2011 3:31PM

    I'm glad your day ended better than it started.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 2/6/2011 2:51PM

    How Delightful John! Your very own personal Angel.
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GREENCAT1 2/6/2011 2:20PM

    Aw, what a sweetie! Your own little angel! Life is good!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SILLYHP1953 2/6/2011 1:36PM

    Awww, you brought tears to my eyes thinking of my granddaughters. I have one turning five in a couple months.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKENISTA 2/6/2011 12:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

This is a true affirmation of life and the future--just when you needed it, of course!

Thank you so much for all of your support and understanding. It's great to know you have my back.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUNEAU2010 2/6/2011 12:54PM

    What a blessing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 2/6/2011 12:40PM

    Yes...HS is a comforter and he can use small kids as they're angels...listen and you'll be listened to emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
REJ7777 2/6/2011 10:26AM

    God never ceases to amaze me either! Children are a breath of fresh air by their very innocence. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WANDAH3 2/6/2011 10:07AM

    God always knows exactly what we need, we just sometimes aren't paying attention. Yay that you were.

Hugs,
Wanda

Report Inappropriate Comment
HDHAWK 2/6/2011 9:16AM

    So sweet John and just what you needed, I'm sure.

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZMOMXTWO 2/6/2011 9:11AM

  kids are great it seams that they always know what to say or do

Report Inappropriate Comment


Very Numb Right Now

Friday, February 04, 2011

A young friend took his life very early yesterday morning. There is no doubt in my mind that in some form or fashion the story will be carried nationally because of the circumstances surrounding it. The young man left his suicide note on Facebook. In it he said he could no longer live because no one, including his family, would listen to him. He stood outside of our church and shot himself. His note said no one would believe him when he said he had been sexually abused by a priest who had been assigned to the church years ago. He had told his parents a number of times and they refused to believe him as did other priests. The note left it clear that he had run out of alternatives. Three of my children went to high school with him and his siblings. They were close as kids at a small high school usually are and last night was a flurry of text messages and whispered phone conversations.

The newspaper didnít publish the full content of the Facebook message. Our son sent me the message yesterday and all Iím going to say is this:

No matter how crazy something may sound to you, or how much you feel it might diminish your position in the community by raising questions and allegations you owe it to your child to at check it out. This young person felt totally and completely abandoned by his family and his church because everyone minimized what had happened to him. Twenty three is not a long life. When someone talks to you please listen.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JPRICE217 2/9/2011 7:32AM

    My prayers are with the famly and friends.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRACEY5280 2/8/2011 3:42PM

    May the peace that surpasses all understanding wrap itself around this young man's family, you, and your family. Such a lost and lonely place he must have been. You are so right, we must listen.

Hugs,
Tracey

Report Inappropriate Comment
KAT573 2/8/2011 9:12AM

    The biggest Sin we can commit is to fail to acknowledge another. God forgive them for they knew what they did,

Report Inappropriate Comment
CATHERINEL66 2/8/2011 8:41AM

    Oh, John, what a tragedy for this young man and his family. Sadly the lack of belief around sexual assault is REALLY common -- it's ugly, people don't want to believe it, and that lack of belief helps the perps get away with it over and over.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss, and the loss in your church community.



Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 2/7/2011 7:32PM

    Please accept my deepest sympathies, John. What a tragedy. Sending hugs your way.....

Report Inappropriate Comment
YOYONOMORE1 2/7/2011 11:34AM

    How very sad. Prayers for that young man and ones he left behind. Our GS took his life two yrs. ago, but there was no note, he was in his early twenties.

Hugs,
Shirl

Report Inappropriate Comment
EUPHRATES 2/7/2011 12:52AM

    Wow. I'm so sorry.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOLLBABE56 2/6/2011 9:46PM

    Such a sad story.

Report Inappropriate Comment
EDWINA172 2/6/2011 9:31PM

    My heart is breaking for you and this young man. I have no words. My prayers are with you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHILDOFGOD4LIFE 2/6/2011 8:17PM

    What a heartbreak. I am so sorry, John. I know you will reach out to God for strength and understanding.

Carol from NE Ohio

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIBELLALUNA 2/6/2011 4:25PM

    I very nearly posted a vlog on this topic before you posted. This is the anniversary of loved ones suicide for us and I know the shock and numbness. I think more attention needs to be focused on this. I didn't do the vlog b/c I felt it would make people uncomfortable, but it is an important topic that deserves attention on every level in life. Prayers and peace to all affected by your friends passing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 2/6/2011 12:39PM

    I'll pray for him, hugs

emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WANDAH3 2/6/2011 10:12AM

    My heart is heavy for this young man, may God's healing touch help him to recover as well as those left behind. Abusers keep abusing until they are stopped.

Hugs,
Wanda

Report Inappropriate Comment
GREENCAT1 2/5/2011 12:45PM

    I wish my parents had listened to me about my abuser - a family member... I am so sorry. What a tragic loss.

Report Inappropriate Comment
~INDYGIRL 2/5/2011 10:37AM

    I am so very sorry.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ZURDTA- 2/5/2011 6:56AM

    Tragic waste... just so senseless. That poor, poor boy.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARTOONB 2/4/2011 10:56PM

    It is the adult's job to take care of the children. I'm so sorry that this child did not have the right adults taking care of him.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MYSTERY4EVER 2/4/2011 10:31PM

    That is so awful that no one would listen to him. How alone he must have felt. He is in my prayers along with you and your family.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAIZEY 2/4/2011 8:55PM

    So sad that he had no oneto turn to that he felt would listen.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DJS-DEBBIE 2/4/2011 7:40PM

    No words...

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUNEAU2010 2/4/2011 6:37PM

    What a heartbreak! I am so sorry! What a waste of a beautiful life!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIME4AFITME 2/4/2011 6:36PM

    So heartbreaking and sad. I am so sorry

Report Inappropriate Comment
HDHAWK 2/4/2011 6:15PM

    How very sad John. When will people learn to listen? So many times these things turn out to be true. How sad that it's too late for this young man.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 2/4/2011 5:07PM

    Ohh John.
I am so very sorry that this young man felt so alone that his only option left was to take his life...

Why are we so obsessed with losing face! or not wanting to make waves?
As a parent, our first priority should be the welfare of our children!,
I so feel for this family too, because they will have to live with this fact for the rest of their lives.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOANNA2 2/4/2011 4:48PM

    What a tragedy, and I am so sorry to hear that.
I have a 23 year old son and wow, I must pay
more attention and just have more talks with
him. Life is too short as it is.
Thank you for posting this John. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARAWALKS 2/4/2011 4:36PM

    Amen. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKENISTA 2/4/2011 3:50PM

    John--This is a tragedy beyond words. Clearly, the abandonment that this young man felt went to the core of his sole. It is catastrophic that the only way he could get his point across was with this drastic step.

The fact that he was only 23--with his whole life ahead of him--makes the abandonment even worse. Once the shock and horror wear off, I hope that this becomes a police matter and that it gets the full investigation it so richly deserves.

Not only should his searing pain not be in vain but it can save further young boys from the clutches of this individual. I'm sure he was not the only victim.

I pray for him.

Comment edited on: 2/4/2011 3:51:05 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
HLPRATT 2/4/2011 3:27PM

    How horrible! It's sometimes hard to listen to horrible things. We want it not to have taken place or we try to minimize it. It is so important to listen.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRIPLE_EMME 2/4/2011 3:09PM

    I am sorry to hear this. It is really sad.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CUTIECAT1 2/4/2011 2:05PM

    so sad and heartbreaking - there are no other words to describe this tragedy...

Report Inappropriate Comment
REJ7777 2/4/2011 2:01PM

    What a tragedy! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMBELISLE 2/4/2011 1:56PM

    I do not understand parents like that. Your children come first no matter what and you should always believe them until you find a legitimate reason not to.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 2/4/2011 12:54PM

    Oh my goodness, John... I am so sorry. I got goosebumps. I will not forget this. I truly truly do believe that every one should be listened to when they are reaching out (threats of suicide should NEVER be treated as just empty threats or jokes)... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SILLYHP1953 2/4/2011 11:57AM

    Thank you for this message...all too often we do not listen to our children, or dismiss what they say. I'm so sorry for the loss of this young man.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAWRTIAN 2/4/2011 11:52AM

    My prayers are with you all, I can't imagine the pain.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRETTYBLKGYRL 2/4/2011 11:38AM

    heartbreaking emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEEMAWEST 2/4/2011 10:36AM

    No words can express how sad this makes me feel. I will pray for all involved.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISSROCKABILLY 2/4/2011 10:08AM

    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. My thoughts go out to you, your family, and the other friends and family of this young man.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEACHING1ST 2/4/2011 9:31AM

    Im so very sorry, John. My prayers are for you, your children, and this family as you all deal with the pain and sorrow.

Mary

Report Inappropriate Comment
DIANA_IS_BACK 2/4/2011 9:12AM

    This is heartbreaking to read, and unfortunately, this happens more often than we would like to think. My thoughts and prayers go out to this young man and his family.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSTANG_SALLY2 2/4/2011 9:06AM

    My heart aches for the young man, his family and those that love him. Suicide is one of the most painful things a family can go thru. I'm praying for them all.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEALTHYASHLEY 2/4/2011 9:06AM

    How tragic. The loss of this young man. I can not understand how people couldn't take claims like that seriously. I am so sorry for your loss

Report Inappropriate Comment
REDSHOES2011 2/4/2011 8:54AM

    Sad stuff like this has to happen.. Kids should never have to worry where their parents loyalities are..

Comment edited on: 2/4/2011 9:05:02 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEWHITE1109 2/4/2011 8:54AM

    So sorry for your loss, and your kids' loss.This is a tragic and sad thing to see happen to anyone. All those involved will be in my prayers today.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOTTAMAMALOU 2/4/2011 8:45AM

    How cruel, how sad that a family or the church would not heed this young man's pain.
This act was avoidable if only someone listened to him. He needed a hug, an ear, empathy, something that he could hold on to, someone who would listen.
My heart aches for him. He was someone's child, sibling, cousin, friend, etc., and now there is a void where this young man lived.
May he have peace.
I am so sorry no one listened.

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 Last Page