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Very Numb Right Now

Friday, February 04, 2011

A young friend took his life very early yesterday morning. There is no doubt in my mind that in some form or fashion the story will be carried nationally because of the circumstances surrounding it. The young man left his suicide note on Facebook. In it he said he could no longer live because no one, including his family, would listen to him. He stood outside of our church and shot himself. His note said no one would believe him when he said he had been sexually abused by a priest who had been assigned to the church years ago. He had told his parents a number of times and they refused to believe him as did other priests. The note left it clear that he had run out of alternatives. Three of my children went to high school with him and his siblings. They were close as kids at a small high school usually are and last night was a flurry of text messages and whispered phone conversations.

The newspaper didnít publish the full content of the Facebook message. Our son sent me the message yesterday and all Iím going to say is this:

No matter how crazy something may sound to you, or how much you feel it might diminish your position in the community by raising questions and allegations you owe it to your child to at check it out. This young person felt totally and completely abandoned by his family and his church because everyone minimized what had happened to him. Twenty three is not a long life. When someone talks to you please listen.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JPRICE217 2/9/2011 7:32AM

    My prayers are with the famly and friends.

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TRACEY5280 2/8/2011 3:42PM

    May the peace that surpasses all understanding wrap itself around this young man's family, you, and your family. Such a lost and lonely place he must have been. You are so right, we must listen.

Hugs,
Tracey

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KAT573 2/8/2011 9:12AM

    The biggest Sin we can commit is to fail to acknowledge another. God forgive them for they knew what they did,

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CATHERINEL66 2/8/2011 8:41AM

    Oh, John, what a tragedy for this young man and his family. Sadly the lack of belief around sexual assault is REALLY common -- it's ugly, people don't want to believe it, and that lack of belief helps the perps get away with it over and over.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss, and the loss in your church community.



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AZCUPCAKE 2/7/2011 7:32PM

    Please accept my deepest sympathies, John. What a tragedy. Sending hugs your way.....

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YOYONOMORE1 2/7/2011 11:34AM

    How very sad. Prayers for that young man and ones he left behind. Our GS took his life two yrs. ago, but there was no note, he was in his early twenties.

Hugs,
Shirl

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EUPHRATES 2/7/2011 12:52AM

    Wow. I'm so sorry.
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DOLLBABE56 2/6/2011 9:46PM

    Such a sad story.

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EDWINA172 2/6/2011 9:31PM

    My heart is breaking for you and this young man. I have no words. My prayers are with you.

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CHILDOFGOD4LIFE 2/6/2011 8:17PM

    What a heartbreak. I am so sorry, John. I know you will reach out to God for strength and understanding.

Carol from NE Ohio

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MIBELLALUNA 2/6/2011 4:25PM

    I very nearly posted a vlog on this topic before you posted. This is the anniversary of loved ones suicide for us and I know the shock and numbness. I think more attention needs to be focused on this. I didn't do the vlog b/c I felt it would make people uncomfortable, but it is an important topic that deserves attention on every level in life. Prayers and peace to all affected by your friends passing.

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MARCYNA 2/6/2011 12:39PM

    I'll pray for him, hugs

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WANDAH3 2/6/2011 10:12AM

    My heart is heavy for this young man, may God's healing touch help him to recover as well as those left behind. Abusers keep abusing until they are stopped.

Hugs,
Wanda

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GREENCAT1 2/5/2011 12:45PM

    I wish my parents had listened to me about my abuser - a family member... I am so sorry. What a tragic loss.

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~INDYGIRL 2/5/2011 10:37AM

    I am so very sorry.

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ZURDTA- 2/5/2011 6:56AM

    Tragic waste... just so senseless. That poor, poor boy.

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CARTOONB 2/4/2011 10:56PM

    It is the adult's job to take care of the children. I'm so sorry that this child did not have the right adults taking care of him.

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MYSTERY4EVER 2/4/2011 10:31PM

    That is so awful that no one would listen to him. How alone he must have felt. He is in my prayers along with you and your family.

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MAIZEY 2/4/2011 8:55PM

    So sad that he had no oneto turn to that he felt would listen.

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DJS-DEBBIE 2/4/2011 7:40PM

    No words...

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JUNEAU2010 2/4/2011 6:37PM

    What a heartbreak! I am so sorry! What a waste of a beautiful life!

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TIME4AFITME 2/4/2011 6:36PM

    So heartbreaking and sad. I am so sorry

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HDHAWK 2/4/2011 6:15PM

    How very sad John. When will people learn to listen? So many times these things turn out to be true. How sad that it's too late for this young man.

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SUSIEPH1 2/4/2011 5:07PM

    Ohh John.
I am so very sorry that this young man felt so alone that his only option left was to take his life...

Why are we so obsessed with losing face! or not wanting to make waves?
As a parent, our first priority should be the welfare of our children!,
I so feel for this family too, because they will have to live with this fact for the rest of their lives.

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GOANNA2 2/4/2011 4:48PM

    What a tragedy, and I am so sorry to hear that.
I have a 23 year old son and wow, I must pay
more attention and just have more talks with
him. Life is too short as it is.
Thank you for posting this John. emoticon

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SARAWALKS 2/4/2011 4:36PM

    Amen. emoticon

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SPARKENISTA 2/4/2011 3:50PM

    John--This is a tragedy beyond words. Clearly, the abandonment that this young man felt went to the core of his sole. It is catastrophic that the only way he could get his point across was with this drastic step.

The fact that he was only 23--with his whole life ahead of him--makes the abandonment even worse. Once the shock and horror wear off, I hope that this becomes a police matter and that it gets the full investigation it so richly deserves.

Not only should his searing pain not be in vain but it can save further young boys from the clutches of this individual. I'm sure he was not the only victim.

I pray for him.

Comment edited on: 2/4/2011 3:51:05 PM

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HLPRATT 2/4/2011 3:27PM

    How horrible! It's sometimes hard to listen to horrible things. We want it not to have taken place or we try to minimize it. It is so important to listen.

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TRIPLE_EMME 2/4/2011 3:09PM

    I am sorry to hear this. It is really sad.

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CUTIECAT1 2/4/2011 2:05PM

    so sad and heartbreaking - there are no other words to describe this tragedy...

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REJ7777 2/4/2011 2:01PM

    What a tragedy! emoticon

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CMBELISLE 2/4/2011 1:56PM

    I do not understand parents like that. Your children come first no matter what and you should always believe them until you find a legitimate reason not to.

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ANEPANALIPTI 2/4/2011 12:54PM

    Oh my goodness, John... I am so sorry. I got goosebumps. I will not forget this. I truly truly do believe that every one should be listened to when they are reaching out (threats of suicide should NEVER be treated as just empty threats or jokes)... emoticon

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SILLYHP1953 2/4/2011 11:57AM

    Thank you for this message...all too often we do not listen to our children, or dismiss what they say. I'm so sorry for the loss of this young man.
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MAWRTIAN 2/4/2011 11:52AM

    My prayers are with you all, I can't imagine the pain.

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PRETTYBLKGYRL 2/4/2011 11:38AM

    heartbreaking emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 2/4/2011 10:36AM

    No words can express how sad this makes me feel. I will pray for all involved.

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MISSROCKABILLY 2/4/2011 10:08AM

    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. My thoughts go out to you, your family, and the other friends and family of this young man.
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TEACHING1ST 2/4/2011 9:31AM

    Im so very sorry, John. My prayers are for you, your children, and this family as you all deal with the pain and sorrow.

Mary

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DIANA_IS_BACK 2/4/2011 9:12AM

    This is heartbreaking to read, and unfortunately, this happens more often than we would like to think. My thoughts and prayers go out to this young man and his family.

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 2/4/2011 9:06AM

    My heart aches for the young man, his family and those that love him. Suicide is one of the most painful things a family can go thru. I'm praying for them all.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 2/4/2011 9:06AM

    How tragic. The loss of this young man. I can not understand how people couldn't take claims like that seriously. I am so sorry for your loss

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REDSHOES2011 2/4/2011 8:54AM

    Sad stuff like this has to happen.. Kids should never have to worry where their parents loyalities are..

Comment edited on: 2/4/2011 9:05:02 AM

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SUSIEWHITE1109 2/4/2011 8:54AM

    So sorry for your loss, and your kids' loss.This is a tragic and sad thing to see happen to anyone. All those involved will be in my prayers today.

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MOTTAMAMALOU 2/4/2011 8:45AM

    How cruel, how sad that a family or the church would not heed this young man's pain.
This act was avoidable if only someone listened to him. He needed a hug, an ear, empathy, something that he could hold on to, someone who would listen.
My heart aches for him. He was someone's child, sibling, cousin, friend, etc., and now there is a void where this young man lived.
May he have peace.
I am so sorry no one listened.

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The Scale Is Not Moving But I Am

Thursday, February 03, 2011

I celebrated my one year anniversary here at Spark by resetting my weight ticker and establishing a new goal for 2011. Since then, as of this morning, I have lost a total of one half pound. I have lost so little the Spark ticker refuses to acknowledge it. I have lost an inch in my thighs but gained a quarter inch in my upper arms. As the saying goes, ďEverything has remained the same.Ē Yes there is the bright side it could be a gain, massive or otherwise, and yes, a loss is a loss is a loss.

Iím not upset I am just moving. I am moving every chance I get. Every opportunity I have to walk or move I am taking advantage of it. We needed milk this morning so I walked to Kroger. Total distance about a mile back and forth. Yes, it was cold but thatís why God made gloves and scarves. Later today I am going to scrub the kitchen and bathroom floors. There will most likely be some vacuuming involved too. Iím saving the gym for this evening because Joan has a swim class at seven tonight. I am learning to take advantage of my schedule. I do not work traditionally and usually my appointment calendar is set two weeks out. I leave some wiggle room, for sure, but mostly I can plan around my schedule. My office is in my home so anything that needs to be done here I can do. Yes, I know, I am very fortunate and I acknowledge that fact.

I am realizing my body has adjusted to the changes I made last year. Those first sixty eight pounds sort of ran off of me easily. Now I have to work a bit smarter to get the roughly seventy pounds I left to lose. So I am moving. I have an old fashioned egg timer in my office. I set it for an hour and after each hour has elapsed I get up and do something that requires me to move around for at least ten minutes. Sometimes itís annoying and sometimes I donít always honor it to the letter of the law. But I am creating a new habit.

I have learned that life is not a series of absolutes itís a series of relationships you develop mostly with yourself. Like any good relationship it evolves over time and blossoms. I have learned to be loving and gentle with me and that while I can jump up and down when you have a success I should never, ever compare myself to you and your journey because our Creator made each of us unique, special and equipped with a different set of tools and variables to move forward in our lifeís journey. I should never become disheartened because you lost a jillion pounds and I lost one half.

Iíve realized I will be here art Spark for the rest of my life. Itís not a ďget into a swim suit by spring breakĒ commitment. It is learning about me and developing relationships with wonderful people all over the world and if nothing else simply appreciating their friendship. I am not overweight, obese or fat. I am a person who made some less than healthy life choices and they manifested themselves in a Santa like belly. I wonít define me by a number whether itís on a scale or a time in a race.

I will move and keep moving until I canít move any longer. Just think of all the cool things I will see.

BTW: Some of you asked me about a status update I posted a few days ago about a Spark Rally. It is in Cincinnati on May 21

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKATUJE 2/9/2011 11:02AM

    This is the line that speaks the most to me.... "Iíve realized I will be here art Spark for the rest of my life. Itís not a ďget into a swim suit by spring breakĒ commitment." It took me 4 years to realize that...you really have nuggets of wisdom. emoticon for sharing.

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SILLYHP1953 2/6/2011 1:34PM

    I love your blogs. You are going to be a WONDERFUL coach!!!

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MARCYNA 2/5/2011 6:29AM

    Lovely, just as I am...The scale's not moving,I am.
The scale's not as exciting as my life....and yours are.
Lots of hugs emoticon emoticon

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CARTOONB 2/3/2011 10:40PM

    Excellent attitude and great idea with the egg timer. I'm really glad to see that you are coming back to yourself.

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JUNEAU2010 2/3/2011 10:28PM

    I like what you said about the labels that we often carry. There is, for me, some shame with "obese". I am the only one in my family who is this heavy. I, too, will probably be on SP for the rest of my life, not just for the health and accountability, but the precious people who have become my community. You are on that list!

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TEDYBEAR2838 2/3/2011 7:54PM

    Now, That's the Spirit.

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ELSEEBEE 2/3/2011 5:15PM

    Excellent blog, John! You have said so well how many of us feel about our Spark journey. I'm saving this page so when I start "beating" myself up for not doing "it" (whatever that is), I can remember that we are all as you so beautifully put it, expressing what our individuality dictates.

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AZCUPCAKE 2/3/2011 4:52PM

    The best news of my day was when you stated, 'I will be here at Spark for the rest of my life!' You are moving, all right....moving onward and UPward while the inches and pounds shift around. I love your positive attitude! emoticon

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HLPRATT 2/3/2011 3:15PM

    You know I am struck by the joy sometimes in just being able to move. Working in healthcare I see people that can't. Yes I can walk and run and dance and I am so privileged.

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JAE_HENNINGTON 2/3/2011 1:31PM

  encouraging blog.. I am going through the same thing. I need to lose 2 lbs in order to get to my next goal and it seems like it is taking forever.. this works what I am doing I just gotta have patience and never give up

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KELLY40222 2/3/2011 11:16AM

    John reading your blog, I felt like you were reading my mind! I also have a scale that is on strike. While I am so happy to have lost 64 lbs., when will the rest of it leave? It gets frustrating when you eat right and exercise daily, yet the scale won't budge. No matter what the scale says we are still healthier today then we were a few years ago.

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SARAWALKS 2/3/2011 10:40AM

    Sounds a lot like Building A Life Style! emoticon
That's what we all need to be striving for!
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MOMGABE 2/3/2011 10:37AM

    John, I "borrowed" your idea and also reset my weight tracker as of January 1 and set a weight goal for 2011. I even used the Spark people tools to figure out how long it would take me to get to my goal weight estimating a loss of 1/2 pound per week. Spark people has given me a calorie range to hit.
My problem - I know I am eating over my calorie range even though 95% of the food choices are "good". So my scale is not moving either.
But, on the positive side, I am working on increasing the mileage on my weekly long runs using a run/walk method so I don't injure myself.
So today I commit to logging all my food. I may be over my calorie range again but at least I'll know by how much.
Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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KANSASROSE67 2/3/2011 10:33AM

    Great blog! My scale and tape measure have given up too, but I haven't. I too, believe I'll be on Spark forever. And that's a good thing!

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MINENA1 2/3/2011 10:33AM

    emoticon You're AWESOME!!! emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 2/3/2011 10:31AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LUV4CHOCOLATE 2/3/2011 10:27AM

    I love your attitude. My scale isn't move either, but I sure am!! I know I have developed some great, healthy habits and if I continue tracking, eating healthy and moving the weight WILL come off.

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Working With My Running Coach Session One

Wednesday, February 02, 2011


Availible on YouTube@ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2w0bGGZtxw

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 2/6/2011 1:32PM

    That was SO interesting! I had no idea of any of that, but I am not, nor ever have been, a runner. But I have been trying to run a minute or so here and there while I walk on the treadmill, so I'm following your running training with interest.
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CARTOONB 2/3/2011 10:46PM

    Sounds cool! A lot of work, but I like it! Hope it helps you be a better runner!

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KELLY40222 2/3/2011 11:26AM

    I had no clue your pelvis had to be just so. I can't wait to hear about your next run meeting.

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GIRANIMAL 2/2/2011 5:35PM

    Sounds like a great experience, John! I'm so glad you're getting help with this. Both my feet are pronated too - I wear down the outside edges of the heels of my shoes all the time. And I'm not a runner, but I do know firsthand, with a back injury, the value of core strength! Anyway, thanks for the shout-out. We survived here in Chicago! But I expect that tomorrow I will feel the way you do after all the shoveling. emoticon

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GOANNA2 2/2/2011 3:28PM

    Sounds like a great workout.
Thanks for thinking of us here in Queensland.
The cyclone was a category 5 and has had done
much damage.

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ANEPANALIPTI 2/2/2011 2:34PM

    LOL macarena... It's so cool that you did this!!!!! Your running is going to be so improved!!!! I hope you're having a good day! :)

V

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SARAWALKS 2/2/2011 10:48AM

    VERY interesting! As someone who's worked with singers for a long time on posture and stance and movement (which is very important to good singing), these comments make lots of sense to me. I've often been grateful for that training as I've become more physically active as a walker & runner.
The "activate the core" thing is probably crucial to the pelvic tilt thing too - and boy does it work on that belly fat!
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EMTFF376 2/2/2011 10:45AM

    Thanks for the blog, John! Its nice to know I'm not alone in my running woes... I pronate one leg more than the other as well. Still looking forward to running with you when you come to WV. I bet you can show me a thing or two after working with your coach.

Have a great day!
Janette


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KITTYKELLY1 2/2/2011 9:13AM

  How inspiring this blog was to my son who is working hard with a physical therapist/personal trainer. He is glad that he is not alone in working so hard.

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ROGUE_RUNNER 2/2/2011 9:05AM

    Awe!! I missed you! So great to see your face!

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HDHAWK 2/2/2011 8:42AM

    Sounds like you got a lot accomplished! Who knew there was so much to know. We're snowed in here too, so I'm hitting the gym and then hitting the "to do" list. I plan to take a little time to relax as well. Have a great day!

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HDHAWK 2/2/2011 8:42AM

    Sounds like you got a lot accomplished! Who knew there was so much to know. We're snowed in here too, so I'm hitting the gym and then hitting the "to do" list. I plan to take a little time to relax as well. Have a great day!
Oops, not sure why there is a double post.

Comment edited on: 2/2/2011 8:42:43 AM

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Getting It Backwards.... Sorta

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

I participatded in a weekly discussion group last night on spirituality. It was my turn to go last this week because I went first the week before. I had a good hour to soak in other peopleís ideas and opinions. I noticed something as each person spoke. They all began by apologizing for some alleged fatal flaw inside of them. As I listened I realized I do that too. Iíll use humor. Iíll talk about my weight, my age, my lack of hair, something mildly to moderately negative and go on from there. Iíll let you know Iím clumsy, not very mechanically inclined or donít often ďget thingsĒ right away. I almost had to leave the group because I was going to break out laughing. Given everything that is supposedly wrong with me why would anyone want to be my friend? But I continue to do it.

Somewhere inside I use this sacrosanct notion that to be self-deprecating is to engender humility. If I minimize my goodness and maximize my faults I am earning a place in heaven. After all, no one likes someone bragging on themselves all the time do they? My grandfather always told me that if you are telling the truth you are not bragging.

Itís uncomfortable isnít it? Itís hard to stick your hand out and say ďHi Iím John. Iím amazingly intelligent, witty, charming and I have an exceptional singing voice. Did you know I won a karaoke contest once? I am a good writer, a good cook and my wife thinks Iím just swell.Ē We donít process our lives in those terms even though everything I just told you is Gods honest truth. Itís just best I keep all that stuff for myself and wait until you tell me how great I am and then I can tell you that Iím not. Madness!!!

I bring this up because I often find myself staring up at the steep mountain that is my goals and objectives and begin believing Iím not ever going to make it. I look at everything thatís wrong with me and find excuses to give up. But if I look at that steep hill and I begin to look at all the amazing tools inside of me I have at my disposal to not only reach those goals but exceed them, well maybe the mountain isnít so steep. I see this happen to people who reach a goal they struggled long and hard for and begin to believe they do not deserve the success they have achieved. Itís like it all was a mistake. Quickly they revert and well you know the rest.

I challenge myself each day to find something unique and special about myself so that when the road gets rocky I have something to hold on to and remind myself that there is more value in me than I realize. Maybe it will help you too.

Just sayinÖÖ.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANEPANALIPTI 2/2/2011 2:36PM

    Absolutely loved this blog.

I didn't know you won a karaoke contest!

"amazing tools inside of me"

Especially loved this, copying it down:
"I challenge myself each day to find something unique and special about myself so that when the road gets rocky I have something to hold on to and remind myself that there is more value in me than I realize. Maybe it will help you too. "



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GIRANIMAL 2/2/2011 3:17AM

    Oh, man, I am so guilty of this! I have been working on not knee-jerk denying compliments -- or at least I was awhile back -- but it is very ingrained and quite hard. It also, sadly, is because I have learned not to believe them. Can't possibly be all those years of saying, "Oh no. Are you kidding? I'm actually (insert mildly negative opposite here)." Right? emoticon Thanks for yet another amazingly insightful reminder. Accentuate the positive - got it!

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JUNEAU2010 2/1/2011 9:14PM

    One of my "other"goals is to uplift me daily. Some days, that's hard to do, but it does make for a great start to the day!

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ACIMPEGGY 2/1/2011 7:31PM

    At this point, when I see a fault in myself, I know it's only ego trying to pound me down.

"I am Spirit, complete, healed and whole, shining in the light of His love..." But, boy, that ego can really be persistent at times! I am reminded of that every day I go to work in my challenging new job....

As your spiritual growth grows, your self-esteem will increase...and you won't be afraid to share your worth. In moderation, of course. You don't want to overwhelm anyone. emoticon emoticon

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SILLYHP1953 2/1/2011 7:11PM

    I have been trying to train myself to see the positive first, but it was always so easy my whole life to see the negative. I'm getting better. Thanks for sharing.

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HDHAWK 2/1/2011 3:50PM

    I do the same thing all the time. Ah, so much to work on; the fine line between bragging and stating your good qualities. It's a tough one!

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GOANNA2 2/1/2011 3:45PM

    You hit the nail on the head and I thoroughly enjoyed reading
your blog. I have a tendency to compare myself to others, but
'I should be concentrating on what I have been able to achieve.
emoticon emoticon

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CATHERINEL66 2/1/2011 3:45PM

    I am laughing at this -- "Hi I'm Catherine, and I'm lovely, charming and brilliant. May I offer you my amazing insights?". LOL, while I value my own opinion, I do seem to have to convince others to do the same. :)



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EMTFF376 2/1/2011 1:42PM

    ps... your "singing voice" reminded me to dust off the mandolin and get back to it... (I only sing in the car and shower when no one's around... LOL)


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EMTFF376 2/1/2011 1:39PM

    I've missed reading your blogs. After reading this one, I remember why even more so now.

Once again, you hit the nail on the head.

have a great Tuesday!
Hugs,
Janette

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SARAWALKS 2/1/2011 1:00PM

    I was reared to hide my strengths and I learned in grade 3 that it was indeed a good idea to pretend to be dumb at something, since I was unmercifully teased for skipping a grade, due to my precocious reading skills. So I was dumb at math and bad at sports -- which even then didn't help my popularity, so I might as well not have bothered! (I actually really was bad at math but have in later life discovered that I'm fairly athletic, once I bother to put down the book...)

I think this is endemic in American society - just look at all the praise given to people in public life who are arrogant in their ignorance. But I don't think it's good and I don't think it's humble. In fact there's a funny kind of reverse pride in being "just an average guy/girl" - as if that were better than having an unusual interest or skill.

Not that I have anything at all against "ordinary people." In fact, I'm not sure I've ever met one. Most people are extraordinary in some way. Why do we have issues with this?

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Comment edited on: 2/1/2011 1:01:14 PM

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GEEMAWEST 2/1/2011 11:47AM

    Ouch! You got me right where it hurts.

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MARCYNA 2/1/2011 11:30AM

    People around me tend to see my defects but I try to concentrate on qualities if I want to proceed in my journey & reach goals. I don't think humility is concerned , it's rather trying to be practical, even a Ferrari has weak points...still, it wins F1 races!!!! emoticon

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JAE_HENNINGTON 2/1/2011 9:48AM

  this is something I have been dealing with. I have been told that I am co=dependant. There are many definations for the disorder and the symptoms are endless. One of the traits though is that yoou don't have a strong sense of self. It seems I have in the past tried to mold myself into something I thought others wanted me to be...Your blog struck a chord with me as I am trying to define myself..find my core values the things that don't change.. I have been struggling with my faith lately.. I know what it means to me and what it does not mean to me.. I find myself almose apologizing when I share my faith with others..thank you for your insights. You have given me something to think about. as always..great blog

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Perseverance

Monday, January 31, 2011

Perseverance.

I do not believe in coincidence, not at all. I could sit here all morning and talk to you about the right thing happening at the right time and everything falling into place. Itís really not surprising. Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. Itís why I am so big on who I hang with. I take a lot of heat from people for living like that and I have far fewer friends than many but I have learned that toxicity only slows you down and ultimately can keep you from reaching your goals. Before you say what you may be thinking itís not a judgment thing. I respect everyoneís right to live their lives as they choose, believe what they choose to believe etc. If it retards my journey or poisons my soul I take a quick step back and move on. Live and let live is a healthy motto.

I digress

Tuesday night I was prepared to head for the gym and a brisk two mile run. I had been traveling most of the day and was wishing at that point I had eight arms and legs, sorta like an octopus. I was slipping my coat on and reading a blog response form PRINCESSNURSE. She wrote three words at the top of her response ď Perseverance, perseverance, perseverance. Ē I had no idea how glad Iíd be to read those words.

I had a terrible run, coupled with the fact that my left knee started hurting again and both my feet felt like they had been run over by a truck. I stepped running after roughly seventh tenths of a mile. I looked like someone hit me over the head. I walked for a bit, tried running again with the same result. One of the kids told me later Joan told them she had never seen me so discouraged in the thirty seven years we have been married.

Perseverance.

I got up Wednesday and hit the elliptical for forty five minutes to the point where there was a puddle of sweat all around me. If nothing else it released a lot of tension and energy. I called the ortho doctor and he squeezed me in. I didnít like what he said. ďI really canít find anything wrong, John.Ē He went on to say we could run all sorts of tests but he doubted theyíd show anything different.

Perseverance.

One of my clients called to cancel so I took a long walk. I gotta tell you there were more than a few tears shed during that walk. I wasnít angry, wasnít cursing my fate or the heavens, I was at a loss. A lot of who I am has become tied up in running and I enjoy it so much and to think that I couldnít run anymore Ö..

Perseverance.

Somewhere during this long ďOh poor meĒ walk a light went on. ďWhat about Jaime?Ē Jaime and her husband run a gym for high powered athletes, mostly in high school and college. Jaime is the trainer for two local college volleyball and soccer teams. She has a MS in kinesiology. Her husband Robert is a fire fighter. I got in the car and went to see her and spilled out my tale of woe. To make a short story long Jaime told me I probably wasnít running right and that what she could do is break down my run through video tape and computer and having me run on this tread mill that looked like it was a mile long and surrounded by huge mirrors on three sides. Once she broke it down sheíd reconstruct it so I wouldnít be in pain. We argued about price Ė she didnít want to charge me Ė and settled on ten dollars for a half hour session. She told me Iíd probably need about six sessions. I start tomorrow morning. She didnít want me running for a week before our first session.

Perseverance or as my grandma said ďEverything happens for a reason, everything works out in the end and if it hasnít worked out then itís not the end.Ē

Thank you PRINCESSNURSE for being in the right place at the right time

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIRANIMAL 2/2/2011 3:31AM

    So glad you tuned in and found the answer to your predicament! I was thinking while reading this that a Spark Friend of mine had this problem until she had her form and such corrected by a personal trainer and I was trying to remember the details so I could suggest it to you...and voila! Of course you'd already figured it out yourself! You're so darn smart like that.

Take the gift of the discounted price from a friend with grace. You're worth it and you deserve it.

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SILLYHP1953 2/1/2011 7:16PM

    I absolutely love what your grandmother said "Everything happens for a reason, everything works out in the end and if it hasnít worked out then itís not the end.Ē You must take after her!

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AZCUPCAKE 2/1/2011 10:59AM

    I give you a lot of credit for seeking assistance as soon as you did, and not waiting for a blue moon to appear in the sky! So many times it is easier to sit around kicking at the curb and saying negative things to ourselves that don't get us anywhere. That unhealthy behavior gets us nowhere, and can go on for months/years!! You did the right thing, and I am proud of you! I am anxious to hear how Jaime "decodes" your running style/stride! Hope the rest of your week goes well! emoticon

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CARTOONB 1/31/2011 10:48PM

    How very cool! I love the idea of a running diagnostic. Part of me thinks that if I ran right I'd enjoy it more. Let us know how it goes!

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JUNEAU2010 1/31/2011 10:25PM

    Next time you have someone refuse to let you pay them, ask them to name a charity (or choose one yourself) and make a donation in their name - kind of "paying it forward". I did that last year when someone insisted on paying me for something that I do for no charge. I told her I would take the cash only if she would let me put it towards the charity walk I did in November. It was a win-win. I often donate to the local food shelter in these circumstances, too.

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JEANHOW 1/31/2011 9:51PM

    Good for you hon. When I went to physical therapy after my fall my therapist said...you have to get rid of your shoes...I looked at them, didn't think anything was wrong with them...but I did like she said, went over to Kohl's and picked up a pair of New Balance...sure enough...the issues with my ankle and legs started to get better and I walked better without pain.

Sometimes..you just have to keep an open mind....

Keep up the great work!

Your new SP friend, Jean

Remember YOU ARE AMAZING & AWESOME!

emoticon emoticon

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TEDYBEAR2838 1/31/2011 7:34PM

    Yup, things have a way of working out for the best. It's not always our plan, but we adjust and make new strides.

I KNOW emoticon

LET'S ROCK 2011 TOGETHER ~!

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HDHAWK 1/31/2011 6:17PM

    Excellent blog! I'm glad you found a way to figure out what it going on with your knee. I hope you get the answers you need!

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GOANNA2 1/31/2011 4:25PM

    Thank you John. I needede this too.
I don't run, but I love walking and my
knee has been playing up and I was ready to
say that's it.

Now I know it has to do with perseverence.
You are lucky to have found a friend who can
help. Go John. emoticon

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WORKINGSTIFF 1/31/2011 3:34PM

    John!

Man-great minds thinking alike today!

My blog today is about working smarter, not harder. All about getting the information we need...just as you did when seeking out information about your knee/running.

We both said much the same thing in a different way.

Sounds like you'll be working smarter and harder with your friend's guidance and help. With the knowledge can come the power. Keep on going!

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MARCYNA 1/31/2011 2:44PM

    I believe in hardship being there for our personal best.
I'm sure you will discover a better way of running, and you will open a new road for yourself & others...Keeping you in my prayers...you deserve it emoticon
PS I do not want to be inspirational, just be there whenever you need it.

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DANCING4UJESUS 1/31/2011 1:26PM

    Thank you for the blog I needed to hear that. I have been trying to stay on track and there are alot of personal outside issues interferring but this gave me the spark to keep on going. emoticon

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GETFIT2LIVE 1/31/2011 12:49PM

    How wonderful to have someone who can help you like that! I hope she is able to see what's going wrong and can point you in the right direction to correct things. Yay! I'll look forward to hearing how it goes.

Perseverance really is a key on this journey in so many ways.

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CATHERINEL66 1/31/2011 12:35PM

    Oh this running diagnostic sounds like EXACTLY what you need! Congrats on getting this set up! I can't wait to hear her input!

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PRINCESSNURSE 1/31/2011 12:27PM

    I am glad to have helped! God always puts the answer to our problems in our path if we just pay attention. I have no doubt you will return the favor to me someday--that is what spark is all about :-)

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SARAWALKS 1/31/2011 10:29AM

    Oh how wonderful! God always sends the right people and the right thing when you need it.
I think it's so important to have proper running form but not so easy to change your form and it is great that there is a way to do that!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WISEONE68 1/31/2011 8:59AM

    And, THANK YOU, John...for the right blog at the right time. I, too am struggling...have been for awhile with this "back issue"...and, it is hard sometimes to deal with the pain and work on through.
But, with perseverance comes great reward...and, I keep my hope in that (The joy of the Lord is my strength!!).

Bless you, Friend...I pray for some practical results to these tests and that you will come out at "the end" where everything has worked out. (I love your grandma's quote!!!)

Be well!!

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