Thursday, February 03, 2011
I celebrated my one year anniversary here at Spark by resetting my weight ticker and establishing a new goal for 2011. Since then, as of this morning, I have lost a total of one half pound. I have lost so little the Spark ticker refuses to acknowledge it. I have lost an inch in my thighs but gained a quarter inch in my upper arms. As the saying goes, ďEverything has remained the same.Ē Yes there is the bright side it could be a gain, massive or otherwise, and yes, a loss is a loss is a loss.
Iím not upset I am just moving. I am moving every chance I get. Every opportunity I have to walk or move I am taking advantage of it. We needed milk this morning so I walked to Kroger. Total distance about a mile back and forth. Yes, it was cold but thatís why God made gloves and scarves. Later today I am going to scrub the kitchen and bathroom floors. There will most likely be some vacuuming involved too. Iím saving the gym for this evening because Joan has a swim class at seven tonight. I am learning to take advantage of my schedule. I do not work traditionally and usually my appointment calendar is set two weeks out. I leave some wiggle room, for sure, but mostly I can plan around my schedule. My office is in my home so anything that needs to be done here I can do. Yes, I know, I am very fortunate and I acknowledge that fact.
I am realizing my body has adjusted to the changes I made last year. Those first sixty eight pounds sort of ran off of me easily. Now I have to work a bit smarter to get the roughly seventy pounds I left to lose. So I am moving. I have an old fashioned egg timer in my office. I set it for an hour and after each hour has elapsed I get up and do something that requires me to move around for at least ten minutes. Sometimes itís annoying and sometimes I donít always honor it to the letter of the law. But I am creating a new habit.
I have learned that life is not a series of absolutes itís a series of relationships you develop mostly with yourself. Like any good relationship it evolves over time and blossoms. I have learned to be loving and gentle with me and that while I can jump up and down when you have a success I should never, ever compare myself to you and your journey because our Creator made each of us unique, special and equipped with a different set of tools and variables to move forward in our lifeís journey. I should never become disheartened because you lost a jillion pounds and I lost one half.
Iíve realized I will be here art Spark for the rest of my life. Itís not a ďget into a swim suit by spring breakĒ commitment. It is learning about me and developing relationships with wonderful people all over the world and if nothing else simply appreciating their friendship. I am not overweight, obese or fat. I am a person who made some less than healthy life choices and they manifested themselves in a Santa like belly. I wonít define me by a number whether itís on a scale or a time in a race.
I will move and keep moving until I canít move any longer. Just think of all the cool things I will see.
BTW: Some of you asked me about a status update I posted a few days ago about a Spark Rally. It is in Cincinnati on May 21
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Availible on YouTube@ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2w0bGGZtxw
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
I participatded in a weekly discussion group last night on spirituality. It was my turn to go last this week because I went first the week before. I had a good hour to soak in other peopleís ideas and opinions. I noticed something as each person spoke. They all began by apologizing for some alleged fatal flaw inside of them. As I listened I realized I do that too. Iíll use humor. Iíll talk about my weight, my age, my lack of hair, something mildly to moderately negative and go on from there. Iíll let you know Iím clumsy, not very mechanically inclined or donít often ďget thingsĒ right away. I almost had to leave the group because I was going to break out laughing. Given everything that is supposedly wrong with me why would anyone want to be my friend? But I continue to do it.
Somewhere inside I use this sacrosanct notion that to be self-deprecating is to engender humility. If I minimize my goodness and maximize my faults I am earning a place in heaven. After all, no one likes someone bragging on themselves all the time do they? My grandfather always told me that if you are telling the truth you are not bragging.
Itís uncomfortable isnít it? Itís hard to stick your hand out and say ďHi Iím John. Iím amazingly intelligent, witty, charming and I have an exceptional singing voice. Did you know I won a karaoke contest once? I am a good writer, a good cook and my wife thinks Iím just swell.Ē We donít process our lives in those terms even though everything I just told you is Gods honest truth. Itís just best I keep all that stuff for myself and wait until you tell me how great I am and then I can tell you that Iím not. Madness!!!
I bring this up because I often find myself staring up at the steep mountain that is my goals and objectives and begin believing Iím not ever going to make it. I look at everything thatís wrong with me and find excuses to give up. But if I look at that steep hill and I begin to look at all the amazing tools inside of me I have at my disposal to not only reach those goals but exceed them, well maybe the mountain isnít so steep. I see this happen to people who reach a goal they struggled long and hard for and begin to believe they do not deserve the success they have achieved. Itís like it all was a mistake. Quickly they revert and well you know the rest.
I challenge myself each day to find something unique and special about myself so that when the road gets rocky I have something to hold on to and remind myself that there is more value in me than I realize. Maybe it will help you too.
Monday, January 31, 2011
I do not believe in coincidence, not at all. I could sit here all morning and talk to you about the right thing happening at the right time and everything falling into place. Itís really not surprising. Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. Itís why I am so big on who I hang with. I take a lot of heat from people for living like that and I have far fewer friends than many but I have learned that toxicity only slows you down and ultimately can keep you from reaching your goals. Before you say what you may be thinking itís not a judgment thing. I respect everyoneís right to live their lives as they choose, believe what they choose to believe etc. If it retards my journey or poisons my soul I take a quick step back and move on. Live and let live is a healthy motto.
Tuesday night I was prepared to head for the gym and a brisk two mile run. I had been traveling most of the day and was wishing at that point I had eight arms and legs, sorta like an octopus. I was slipping my coat on and reading a blog response form PRINCESSNURSE. She wrote three words at the top of her response ď Perseverance, perseverance, perseverance. Ē I had no idea how glad Iíd be to read those words.
I had a terrible run, coupled with the fact that my left knee started hurting again and both my feet felt like they had been run over by a truck. I stepped running after roughly seventh tenths of a mile. I looked like someone hit me over the head. I walked for a bit, tried running again with the same result. One of the kids told me later Joan told them she had never seen me so discouraged in the thirty seven years we have been married.
I got up Wednesday and hit the elliptical for forty five minutes to the point where there was a puddle of sweat all around me. If nothing else it released a lot of tension and energy. I called the ortho doctor and he squeezed me in. I didnít like what he said. ďI really canít find anything wrong, John.Ē He went on to say we could run all sorts of tests but he doubted theyíd show anything different.
One of my clients called to cancel so I took a long walk. I gotta tell you there were more than a few tears shed during that walk. I wasnít angry, wasnít cursing my fate or the heavens, I was at a loss. A lot of who I am has become tied up in running and I enjoy it so much and to think that I couldnít run anymore Ö..
Somewhere during this long ďOh poor meĒ walk a light went on. ďWhat about Jaime?Ē Jaime and her husband run a gym for high powered athletes, mostly in high school and college. Jaime is the trainer for two local college volleyball and soccer teams. She has a MS in kinesiology. Her husband Robert is a fire fighter. I got in the car and went to see her and spilled out my tale of woe. To make a short story long Jaime told me I probably wasnít running right and that what she could do is break down my run through video tape and computer and having me run on this tread mill that looked like it was a mile long and surrounded by huge mirrors on three sides. Once she broke it down sheíd reconstruct it so I wouldnít be in pain. We argued about price Ė she didnít want to charge me Ė and settled on ten dollars for a half hour session. She told me Iíd probably need about six sessions. I start tomorrow morning. She didnít want me running for a week before our first session.
Perseverance or as my grandma said ďEverything happens for a reason, everything works out in the end and if it hasnít worked out then itís not the end.Ē
Thank you PRINCESSNURSE for being in the right place at the right time
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