Sunday, December 19, 2010
Since my anniversary blog a few days ago I have remained silent. I think itís good to pull back from time to time and reassess your goals, your progress, what works and what needs to be improved. I had a great first year here. My fitness level is through the roof compared to last year and I am a small child lighter. Iím really pleased. I basked in that glory for about an hour and then came to some decisions.
If you check out my Spark Page youíll notice my ticker says ďzero.Ē Thatís because I reset my weight goals. Iím not going to give myself a chance to fall back on past performance. When I weighed this morning I reset all my goals. They are ambitious. But I have to tell you, as I sat and adjusted them I got this really cool feeling in the pit of my stomach. I got excited. You see, I know what I can do, because I know what I have done. My original weight goal was to lose 100 pounds. I got 64% of the way there. It would be easy to just shoot for another 36 pounds and leave it there. The problem is Iíd still be overweight. My weight goal is set one pound below ďoverweight.Ē
Why am I excited? I know more than I did a year ago. Iím not saying this is going to be easy, but I know what to expect and plan for it. I have been down this road once and have been successful.
We had our family Christmas yesterday. The kids will be with spouses families and the like next Saturday so we had everyone over and did the gift exchange. Of course there was food!!! But I have to tell you I navigated that mine field really well. No sweets, no alcohol of any sort, no snack stuff. I did have some diet Mountain Dew. I had some ham, some turkey, a few boneless Buffalo wings and some fresh veggies. Actually I did most of the prep work while Joan did the cooking and I was way too busy to eat. The temptation was there but I have come to learn that I am way too valuable to trade in my self-esteem for a cookie.
Itís a new day, a new beginning and so if you donít mind Iím going to toddle off and just enjoy the nice feeling of excitement I have in my stomach. Pretty soon, there will be less of me to love.
I know what I can do, because I know what I have done.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
ďWhen I began my business ten years ago I searched for a motto or tag line that would describe what I did. I came up with "Helping Good People Become Better." It dawned on me this morning as I filled in my data here at Spark People that I had been really successful at doing that for everyone but myself. While I took the time to encourage, nurture and develop other people I let myself and my goals fall by the wayside. Something or someone else was always more important. I helped a lot of good people become better at my own expense.
It's hard to be appropriately selfish, to take the time for you. I'm going to start. Starting today, I am going to look at myself through the same prism I look at other people through. I'm a good person on the road to becoming better.Ē
That was my first blog here at Spark, one year ago today. Itís my first year Spark-Aversary. I reached my goal. I am wiser, healthier and happier that I was one year ago today. I weigh sixty five pounds less than I did a year ago. Iíve accumulated over sixteen thousand fitness minutes and along the way made over six hundred new friends. I reached my goal of helping a really good person --- me---- become a better one.
Okay, yesterday is history, over and done with.
I am not unhappy with my progress but I fell thirty five pound short of my initial goal. Iím not going to jump off a bridge or anything but I noticed recently that when I had a setback I would take solace in all the weight I had lost and sort of say ďits okay, John.Ē That has become a roadblock.
Sunday, when I weigh in I am resetting my weight ticker. It will reflect my new goal for the next year which will be a bit more than thirty five pounds. Iíll start all over again just like I did a year ago. Itís time I did that, I need the motivation. A year ago this whole thing scared me. This morning, starting over does the same thing, but in a much different way. Today I KNOW what I am capable of doing. The part that made me chuckle is when I thought about all the people who will visit my page and say; ďGee he really hast done anything, has he?Ē Thatís my ego messing with me.
There are those of you who love me and I want you to know I love you also. Itís not the greeting card store kind of love it is a true, deep abiding love that people have for each other when they have been able to share parts of themselves with each other and come away feeling better than they were before. That has meant more to me than any 5K or weight loss. It has been the highlight of my year.
I only have one regret. There are so many times I donít respond to all the Spark Mails, Goodies and Blog Comments you all leave for me. Iím not making excuses but I often run out of time and in her wisdom my dearest wife says ďYou are not spending the rest of your life in front of the computer!!!Ē Iím going to work on a way to get back to all of you.
Sunday afternoon, with not a lot to do, I went scanning my Spark friends, putting my cursor over their picture and I noticed so many are not currently active. I wish I could talk to them and ask them why. I get so caught up in my little group of buddies that I forget a year ago, on day one, a handful of people commented on my first blog and I remember thinking ďWow, someone knows Iím out here.Ē
Thanks you for being my friend.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I havenít been able to run for a week which in some respects seems like forever. I injured my leg, specifically my left knee, last Monday when I stepped wrong while running on the track. This is a really polite way of saying I run somewhat awkwardly at times. The doctor prescribed rest. Friday he told me I could walk and yesterday told me to simply listen to my body. I spent time on the dread mill, the elliptical and had a personal training session where all we worked on was upper body strength. All the time we were training I kept an eye on the folks running. I felt left out. I felt like the kid with the used bike in a room full of kids with brand new bikes. It could be a few weeks before I can begin running and the ortho guy suggested I begin slowly running a mile three times a week and building back up. If someone tells me how ďluckyĒ I was not to be hurt more seriously one more time, Iím going to spit!!
The point of this blog is not to vent, rant or illicit support. Itís not a ďcount your blessings.Ē (Even though I do!!) Itís to tell you that itís no big deal, really in the grand scheme of life. It is disappointing but the world hasnít ended yet. I am feeling inadequate and that feeling comes solely through my own choosing. I am choosing to feel less than all those folks motoring around the track so it gives me some sort of justification to feel sorry for myself. When I feel sorry for myself I now have the opportunity to pull out my address book dial 1-800-EMOTIONAL-EATER and say ďCome on over!!!Ē My feelings donít originate in my injury; they originate in my perception of myself.
Watch a professional athlete on the sidelines when they are out for the season. No one hovers around them with a box of Kleenex. Injuries are part of life and life, as you and I know, refuses to be predictable in any form or fashion. Injuries are like riding over a nail and blowing out a tire. You hadnít planned for it, it isnít expected and you sit by the side of the road waiting for a wrecker. All of that comes from how you really feel about yourself. If I view this as a setback, a bit of a flat tire, then in a few weeks we will start anew. If I donít it gives me reason to feel sorry for myself and cut a few corners. No one would blame me. I love to run, itís enjoyable but so is going to Disneyland. Iím not going to have a pity party because I canít catch a flight to LA tomorrow.
Our minds are amazing tools but in the end there is no getting around the fact they do what we tell them to do. I took a simple injury and turned it into a whole self-esteem issue because once again I was different that anyone else. If Iím not careful it could derail me.
Most of us grew up hearing about the three little pigs. Two built their houses from straw and sticks. The third built his house from brick. I suspect it took longer and cost more, but when the Big Bad Wolf aka known as lifeís miseries came a calliní the brick house stood firm. The other two collapsed and crumbled and never were heard from again.
Learning to be healthy isnít just about what goes in my mouth. In many ways thatís just a symptom. The disease is how I see and value myself. Itís easy to blame the past and people in it, but when I look to the left and right all I see is that I am surrounded by a lot of love and support. Whatís my excuse now?
Off to the dreadmill.
Monday, December 13, 2010
I took one of our daughters to work early, very early, this morning. It was cold and she doesnít like walking across a dark parking lot and thatís what dads are for. I had a chance to drive down a snow swept, empty road and look at all the Christmas lights. I got to drive slowly. It was beautiful.
I read a blog here yesterday by STEELKICKIN titled What Really Matters To You? If you get a chance read it --- Good Stuff!! I thought about what she said as I drove this morning looking at all the pretty decorations. I felt peaceful and even uttered a small prayer of thanks for the splendor and the beauty. God is good. There is a section of road I traverse on a regular basis that is littered with empty store fronts, vacant lots and the like. I donít notice the people in the doorways when itís 75F and sunny. Itís a non-issue. This morning with the temperature gauge hovering around 0F, I looked at them huddled together, stomping their feet and trying to stay warm. The light changed and I pulled away.
What Really Matters To You? Where did that voice come from? What Really Matters To You? (I hate that voice!!!)
Those people huddled in the store front could give a hoot about Black Friday or Cyber Monday. I doubt they spend a lot of time stressing over whether they are a size 6 or 8 or they dropped from a 40 to 38 in pants size. They worry about staying alive. They worry about feeding their kids and where they are going to sleep tonight and what comes next. I knowÖÖÖ.. We have read this all before. Itís the annual trip down guilt lane. I am not suggesting you give away everything you have and join them. I sincerely believe we are all on our own journeys and here to learn our own lessons. Here is what it means to me.
I spend a lot of time worrying about issues in my life that are superfluous. I have heat, I have food, I have a place to stay and transportation. I whine a lot about eating too many sweet and carbs and how my clothes fit and the like. I was blessed with all of these things and I take them for granted. I become smug and self-righteous when someone suggests I am smug and self-righteous. I do not want to hear this stuff!!! Acknowledging this means I have to do something and I surely canít imagine being faced with the possibility of extracting myself from my comfort zone and trying to make things better. The problem is just too large, right? I take a tag off the angel tree at church and feel so warm inside because Iím going to go to Wal-Mart and but a cheap coat and some crayons for a kid who has nothing color on and with to begin with. Itís not about them is it? Itís about me and how I feel. Got to feel good about what you are doing.
It hits me as I pull into the driveway. Itís become about feeling good. When I do life is grand, when I donít, I curse the fates and scurry about trying to recapture that artificial bliss. There is a real balance that is missing in my life. I choose to ignore the things that are unpleasant and gravitate towards the bright and shiny, until someone as wise as STEELKICKIN brings it to my attention. Iím not called to end poverty. That task would almost seem easy compared to the one that calls me to soften my heart to everyone and relinquish the selfish attitude Iíve built up. The balance of health comes from many areas. I can track my calories till the cows come home and diligently exercise; but until I create an unselfish balance in my life, I wonít really accomplish anything. Iíll go from being an overweight jerk to being a skinny one!!! Nothing but size will have changed. My heart must change and until it does, Iíll spinning my wheels just like I did in this mornings snow.
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