Thursday, December 09, 2010
Somewhere, someplace and somehow we got a notion in our head that asking other people for help is a fatal character flaw. I’m speaking mostly to my fellow people pleasers. The rest of you can read along.
We look in the mirror in the morning and we don’t ever like what we see. I mean, if your mind set is to please others to gain approval, you have to be absolutely perfect in all you do just to be equal and on par with the rest of the world. I mean if you really were equal you wouldn’t be overweight right? That’s how we think a lot of times. Everyone else is stronger, more agile, smarter, and funnier. …… Everyone but me and you. We have to be perfect because for some odd reason when we were first created we had the misfortune of being placed on the reject pile and from then on someone or a group of someone’s reminded us we are different. We are ten points behind before the game even starts. So we trudge through our days and apply a heavy dose of emotional make up on our souls so that the world won’t see all our nasty little blemishes. We live in the age of self-reliance, beauty and the man or woman who braves the elements to find eternal victory against all odds and BTW if you don’t measure up to that standard please go to the back of the line. We smile, put on the proverbial happy face and please oh please do not mention failure. Just look at all the shiny happy skinny people and dream. If you follow our plan, our prescription and our program you to will be shiny, happy and skinny.
Huge problem here, really huge problem. How many of us come from a core belief of self-love and self-worth? How many of those shiny happy skinny people is shiny and happy one year, two years or even five years from now. Shhhhhhh John don’t bring THAT up!!! Diets fail and so do most alleged self-help programs because of the first word in it ---- self. We are taught to go it alone.
Yes, if you track your food and exercise regularly you will lose weight. You will reach a goal and you will celebrate. But if somewhere along the way you don’t unlock the door of your own value and worth, it will all come creeping back on. We call it different names; a plateau is the most common. It’s the period of time when the light bulb should go on and tell me that hard work isn’t enough. Running a 5K isn’t going to give me self-love and self-esteem, losing sixty four pounds only proves I can control my input and extend my output. What they should do is validate something I already know.
I know that I don’t eat the cookie because I am worth that effort. I’m a child of God. I walk away from situations that would otherwise trash my food plan because I am worth the bit of frustration and anger. I get over it. I am the reason I do this. Not my wife, my kids, my friends or even you. I love your love but I’m doing this for me.
I know that my rather large butt goes to the gym every day because I deserve to have that wonderful feeling inside of me I get from a workout. I deserve the best trainer, the best dietician and the best nutrition plan. I deserve it because I know my own value and worth. I love me.
I hang around with you. You motivate me, you inspire me and you cause me to look deep into myself and realize it is just not about what goes into my mouth but what goes into my head and heart also. I know that I cant do this alone no matter how wonderful I am.
Three things that when we master will assure you and I that any “plan” we embrace will work. I have come to realize this plateau I am on is a period of time for to ask myself just how much I value me?
Hopefully a lot!!!
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
One of the trainers at my gym was interviewed in our local newspaper. A comment he made caught my eye; “No pain, no gain,” he said. “Went out with leg warmers, if it hurts stop exercising!”
I was standing at the door of the local immediate care facility very early this morning. I had a hard time sleeping. I was running yesterday afternoon, when I felt a pain in my left leg and glute. It hurt enough that I finished the lap I was running and headed for the shower. I wasn’t in agony but it hurt. I went to bed and tossed and turned. I got up at five and waited in the cold for the door to open. After about ten minutes of poking and prodding the doctor asked me a question. “You enjoy horse racing?” I nodded. “Well you basically did what a horse does when his hoof lands on the track the wrong way. The upper part of your leg went one way and the lower part of your leg went another. You are really lucky you didn’t hurt your knee.” The diagnosis was a pulled muscle and I was told to rest. It hurts to sit, to stand, to lie down or simply to exist. This pain qualifies as an official “pain in the butt.” However, I do not feel guilty or down, or bummed out. I have to rest so I can run another day. I do not like it. It’s disrupted my routine and rhythm; but it is not the first time it happened and it won’t be the last.
Wisdom comes from not always liking the circumstances we are in but dealing with them positively. Sitting here this morning I realized I haven’t had a day off in about two weeks anyway. The doctor told me to take it a day at a time. In relation to my health journey I am maturing. This isn’t even a setback, just something I have to deal with. I'm not pleased to be in pain but it is what it is.
It’s not my first 5K or a ten pound loss or a motivator’s award but to me it is just as important. It shows I am growing up as a healthy person. That pleases me.
Monday, December 06, 2010
There was a fashion show in my living room yesterday afternoon. Both DD’s stopped by to share what they would be wearing during the holidays. I had the good sense to retreat downstairs and keep the NFL company for a while. When I did come upstairs I’d hear a variation of the following “How come it doesn’t look like it does on ……" Fill in the blank here with the names of people I am not aware of. I gathered up my back pack and headed to the gym. When I returned I met the DD’s and the DW walking out the door. “We have to return all of this. It’s not right.” I’ll have to admit to you I laughed a bit as I went inside the house. “Why buy it in the first place,” I thought.
It was too cold to walk outside this morning so I went to the gym. If you are not wide awake when you get there you will be after five minutes of listening to the 5:30AM spinning class instructor barking out orders to her attentive pupils. As I walked around the track I started to think I wasn’t a whole lot different than my daughters. I got caught up in all the hype and thought I was ready to spin. I am not. I will be in about thirty pounds, but I’m not today. If I did it today I would fail and who wants that? My personal trainer keeps dropping hints that I should start taking her power pump class. I will, when my body is ready. I audited that class one night. I am not ready and if I begin comparing myself to those sleek and svelte spinners and pumpers and not reach the mark………….. I have created a cocktail for disaster. I’m not knocking anyone who participates in those activities and I’m not slacking off either. They are GOALS. They are not within reach today, but my current activity is pointing me towards them, very soon.
It all goes back to wanting to eat lunch with the cool kids. We all hoped for an invitation to “the table.” Most of us never got it and then spent the rest of our adult lives trying to prove we deserved that lunch invitation. As I walked this morning I got a big old goofy grin inside. It took me forty years to realize I never wanted to sit there to begin with. I just wanted to be like everyone else. Just like my daughters trying to look like…………… I want to be accepted and loved.
I am my own best friend. I know me, I know what makes me tick, and I know what works and what doesn’t. I will never accept you until I accept me. When I look at you, those people I truly love I don’t see what you want to be; I see who you are. I see your humor, your kindness, your creativity, your passion for healthy living and exercise. I don’t see a well sculpted model in designer workout clothes. I see three dimensional human beings who break their foot getting dressed for work in the morning, who hurt their backs riding their bikes and who gain nine pounds in a week and can’t explain why. The cool kids don’t exist. They never, ever did. The cool kids were a creation of my mind and yours in an attempt to resolve our inadequacies. They were figments of people who wanted to spin at 5:30 AM and weren’t ready to do it just yet.
I made out a running timeline last night. It started on May 10 when I began C25K Training and ended on October 29 when I ran five miles for the very first time. In between there were some mile stones. I’m not finished, running is one thing I am doing and doing well, but it started with a thirty second run back in May. I looked at the time line and felt a sense of satisfaction.
Who wants a best friend that’s no fun to be around? It’s better for me to make this journey with myself knowing what I can do right now and what becomes a short or long term goal to work towards. Thanks for being part of my journey.
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Availible on YouTube @
This Vlog has visual aids..........Go Me!!!
Saturday, December 04, 2010
I received A Spark Mail the other day from someone I don’t know real well. The jest of what they wrote was to ask me to quit writing blogs that were, as they put it, “downers.” They told me I had a “great responsibility to other people,” and that I should “lead and inspire, not make people dwell on their short comings.” In all honesty I had to grin, simply because if I only wrote when I was on top of the world you might only here from me about once every three months or so. I grinned because I understood. I used to strive to be on top of the world 24/7, and when I didn’t I just knew there was something I had to have done wrong. (It’s the people pleaser/control freak/emotional eater in me!!!) One thing I am learning is “what works for me.”
What works for me does not always, if ever, work for you and vice versa. It would be like you and I going shopping. You find a hat that looks really great on you and you receive a million compliments on how well it looks before you even reach the counter to pay for it. I automatically assume it is the hat to end all hats, I run back to grab one even though it doesn’t fit, it’s the wrong color and I can’t afford to pay the sale price. All I see is that it works for you.
My wife, Joan, has weighed approximately the same weight for thirty seven years. Yes, she put weight on during pregnancies and the like, but basically she is within ten pounds of what she weighed when we got married. Her health is excellent, her blood work superb. She is a meat and potatoes eater and drinks enough Diet Pepsi to make it worthwhile for me to own stock in the company. I eat like that and I put on fifteen pounds in thirty minutes.
When I start being someone else other than who I am, I am no longer John and to be quite honest with you I did that for a long time and found out I wasn’t really happy. I call it lying to myself. I want to be accepted and loved and cared for so much that I’ll do just about anything to achieve that, even if it is not right for me. That’s when everything heads south.
I write what I think and feel and it is not always warm and fuzzy because I don’t always feel warm and fuzzy. I write what I write for two reasons. The first reason is that when I see it, write and speak it I can make it a real part of my life and either add it or remove it. It’s the same reason I read what so many of you write, it inspires me. The second reason is I write to share my struggles because maybe someone else is struggling and they read what I write they will not feel so alone.
I have gone back to walking two miles every morning. I just feel better when I do and I get to insert my reflective time during the walk. I am reaching three or four goals and feel much better the rest of the day. I still run and work with Jen and do all the other exercise things I enjoy, but that two mile walk sets my day off right. It works for me.
Far too often I get caught up in comparing and analyzing what I read and see and wonder about. I’m finding out that being honest about me and my life is what works for me.
What works for you?
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