Sunday, February 07, 2010
I look forward to Sunday mornings. I look forward to going to church. It's not that I am some great and holy person. To be honest there are weeks I do not go. I look forward to going to church because it means in many ways I have that one solitary hour of isolation. Truth be known, most weeks I zone out sometime during Mass. No one can call me on my phone, no one needs anything. It's just me and my higher power. I believe we have an "inner voice." I believe that if we rely on that inner voice it will help guide us. Some people call that voice angels, some believe it's God himself or a long since passed friend or relative. I have learned to trust that inner voice.
I write this long and windy preface so that you get a feeling for what happened to me this morning. Sitting in silence and being very grateful for everything God has done for me my inner voice asked me a question. "Why do you do everything you do?" (Sometimes I am not fond of my inner voice!!) "Are you kind, do you share, are you loving, so people will notice you or say what a great guy you are or do you love simply for loves sake, because it's the right thing to do?"
Truth be known I did not want to hear this. See I was feeling really, really good about myself. But........ I started to think that the small voice had a really valid point. I wonder how often in my life I have said "I'll do this or that and then I'll get this or that." Sort of like keeping score. It humbled me in a very good way. I was starting to get "the big head." At the same time I felt this wonderful sesne of freedom.
I forgot that a few months ago I was miserable, and despondent. I kept gaining weight, and nothing I tried worked. I prayed really hard and to be honest with you there were days I'd cry. (Yeah guys cry.) But something inside of kept saying "You'll get it dont worry." I do not believe in guilt or punishment or any of that stuff. I believe in forgiveness and letting the past slip away.
This morning was a cold bucket of water that I needed. I AM becoming healthy and my hope is that as I make this journey, in a very sincere and loving way, I can reach out to other people who are struggling and simply love because I was created in love and I am love.
Guess I have a new goal and most likely it will take a life time to achieve. I still belive I am a good and wonderful person, otherwise I would not have been created, but I see my purpose clearer.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
My wifes birthday is Valentines Day. Two of my daughters stopped over the other evening and we all were sitting in the living room talking about next weekends plans. We have six children and only three live here in town. Most of the discussion centered around who was coming in when and who wasn't going to be able to come in. One of my daughters said, "Mom, you wanted to go to Cracker Barrel for breakfast after church Sunday, right?"
My wife looked over at me and said "I do but I dont want to have dad blow his diet."
Okay, first of all let me tell you a bit about my wife. For a woman who went through six pregnancies and had to put up with me for thirty five years she is in pretty good shape. She has never been a mindless eater and has always been selective about what goes in her mouth. In many respects I envy her because she has never approached things with a sense of guilt when she eats. Lest you think I am being biased because shes my wife, by her own admission she needs to exercise more.
I looked over at her and said, "If that's where you want to eat, that's where we will eat and I will do some homework and find something I WANT to eat."
"You're sure?" she asked.
"Ya know honey, the world dont come to a grinding halt because I am trying to adjust for about fifteen years of unhealthy living!! and by the way......" I began.
"I know" she said. "You're not on a diet, you're changing your life style."
If I have gained any insight at all over these past two months it has been that I am on a journey towards my own health which doesnt include the whole world getting out of my way. Diets fail, plain and simple. From my own experience they fail because we end up like we are being punished and feel so sorry for ourselves that we justify eating an entire bakery. I have realized that in many ways i have just needed to "grow up" and get on with it!!!
I was riding the virtual bike at the gym the other day. I'll admit I was getting a bit bored so I started looking around. There were around five or six fitness instructors on the floor, walking around and asking people if they needed any help. what bothered me was that the only people they seemed to stop and spend any time with were the skinny people!!!! all of us over weight and obese people who need the encouragement were treated like we had a infectious disease. Rather than form a snap judgement I watched this for three days and then yesterday morning I acted!!!!
When I finished my workout i walked up to one bright and perky young lady at the desk and said. "Is it just me, or do you guys only talk to the young and the buff?"
I got a blank stare in return.
I been working out here for a year and I bet you dont even know my first name.
Her eyes widened and somewhere i believe she was wishing they had a security staff.
Just another day in paradise. Have a great Saturday
Friday, February 05, 2010
I have a client who over the years has become a close friend. We met under less than "friendly" circumstances. His company hired me to help him create strategies to improve his job performance. He was extremely close to losing his job, after twenty five years because of performance issues. Three years later, thanks to a lot of hard work on his part he not only kept his job but was rewarded for his good work by being promoted to the position of Vice President. Over the years I have done work for him when he has had people in similar circumstances as well as some over all training for his company. When I am in town I pop in to see him and we always have a good visit.
Recently I found out my friend's health is failing. He has a number of issues that may cause him to take an early retirement in the next six months. He has always been an out going, vibrant person. These health issues have really hit him hard, not only physically but mentally.
We visited for a bit yesterday and he told me the medication he was on caused him to be in a foul mood most of the time. He told me he felt bad for his staff. When I got ready to leave I stopped to talk to his secretary. She told me he had good days and then down days and she was really worried. She paused for a minute and said "Could I ask you a favor? Could you call him more often/"
I told her I would and then I asked her why. She grinned and said "We can always tell when he's on the phone with you because we can hear him laughing all the way down the hall. He always seems to be in better spirits once you get him laughing. He'll walk out here and tell me how crazy you are."
I am crazy. I will not argue that point.
I got in the car and I thought about how what I considered "me being me," was such a big issue to someone else. Yes, there is a lot of misery, tragedy and heartache in this big old world of ours, but every single day there is an opportunity to see humor and happiness. I over heard someone at the gym yesterday say how they wouldnt be happy until they lost "all this weight." Her work out partner said "I know what you mean. I wont be happy until my summer clothes fit."
How many of us begin changing our life styles with a lot of trepidation? My friend taught me a good lesson yesterday. The lesson was that, while it may take a lot of effort, a smile and finding humor in our lives may be the best medicine there is.
A good Spark Day to you all.
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