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When It's Time For A Time Out

Friday, October 22, 2010

My body aches. Itís not the debilitating, canít get out of bed ache. Itís weariness. My left knee is still a bit sore and early in the morning as I pad about the kitchen it throbs. The cuts are almost healed, only the deep ones jump up and bites me if I move wrong. My left ankle is sore from the six mile hike we took last Sunday. My two personal training sessions this week were like the Bataan Death March. I just wanted them to be over with.

My mind is a bit fragmented. I keep looking for the ďdefrag buttonĒ on my belly but canít find it. I have goals, I have objectives it just seems that they are scattered like so many sheep that escaped the farm yard. Things seem slightly out of kilter and I find myself embracing health coz ďI have to!!!Ē

Yesterday afternoon, when I finished my PT session Jen looked at me and said ďAre we developing an attitude?Ē (Not, me, LOL) Then she asked what was wrong. I gave her mu list of aches and pains, etc.

ďYou know John, Iím 29 and you make me feel guilty sometime with everything you do. You run, you hike, you walk, you cycle and you spend two hours a week with me.Ē

I just looked at her.

ďHere is what I want you to do. I donít want to see you here until Monday. I donít want to be going to the grocery and see you jogging down the street. You can walk, but nothing else.Ē

In the shower and on the way home I began to see her wisdom. I need a ďtime out.Ē I need to pull over to the side of the road and take a deep breath and then get up Monday morning and move forward. One thing I have done already is create a chard in Word that will show me what exercise I am doing what day and I can print it out, hang it up and use it as a guide.

Iím not burnt out; Iím just a bit tired.

So this weekend I am cleaning the garage, weeding some unruly flower beds, cleaning out the shed and hanging with my DW. No runs, no hikes, no frantic moving about, just puttering around.

Please donít think of me as being wise and noble because even as I write this I feel guilty, LOL

Everyone needs a time out. I think if we donít take one, it gets so difficult that we give up.

Have a good Friday and join me in slowing down, just a bit

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HDHAWK 10/23/2010 5:40PM

    Our wise bodies tell us what we need. Give your mind and body a rest and you'll be ready to go on Monday!

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/23/2010 5:00PM

    Great idea... emoticon

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JPRICE217 10/23/2010 10:45AM

    Hope you are enjoying your resting week end

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CARTOONB 10/22/2010 10:50PM

    Great minds think alike! I am planning (key word: planning) to take tomorrow off from the gym. Taking the puppy to the vet, grocery shopping, library, dinner with DH. That's it! Good luck with your time out!

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ANNASBF 10/22/2010 9:43PM

    A really cool thing about this blog is that you have lead by example in your quest for actively moving discipline and now you are leading again... your excellent example of admitting when it gets to be too much... whether it is too much for your body or your mind... doesn't matter. And doing other jobs that will do a service for your sense of order and give your body... and your so-called "attitude"... a chance to chill. Take care of yourself!

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NANASNOW 10/22/2010 8:45PM

    John, kids need recess. Workers get a break from the workday, what makes us think that a small break from the workout grind or the veggie blender? I take one everynow and then. My life had been pretty hectic lately and I had not been for a walk. So I took one, it was my time out. Sometimes time outs are good. Enjoy yours!

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JENNY888 10/22/2010 7:20PM

    Your time of rest doesn't sound like real rest to me but instead more work. Why not just take at least one day of the weekend to purely relax?

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KSGROTHE 10/22/2010 6:52PM

    Enjoy your Time Out, and don't ruin your opportunity to rest with feeling guilty over not working out!


- Karen

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CANDOK1260 10/22/2010 4:11PM

    Okay it sounds to me you are going to work on your time off but you know different muscles will still be used.

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MARCYNA 10/22/2010 2:15PM

    Time out, time out, your trainer's wise.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves time and it's going to repay. Maybe we should track it

PS There's a saying in my country that goes
"If you pull a rope too much , it'll break"

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 2:20:40 PM

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CATHERINEL66 10/22/2010 1:35PM

    I hear ya, buddy. I spent last weekend doing nothing, and had a massive Netflix marathon. It was good.

Of course, now I think I'm exhausted again, LOL!

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BRENDABUNNY 10/22/2010 12:40PM

    I think you are definetly in need of a break and I agree with what someone else said..I don't know that attacking the garage and those unruly flower beds is taking a break...I think you and Joan should just take a lil walk here and there maybe after dinner but other then that take it easy and let your body rest..
Have a great weekend! emoticon

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MSSUNBUG 10/22/2010 12:09PM

    It's all about the balance, like everything else. Those of us who struggle with weight are typically really good at that all-or-nothing game. Finding the balance in between doing and not doing is TRUE health and success. It's also TRUE self-care. Loving yourself isn't about working your body out in extreme ways every day anymore than it's about shoving pizza in your mouth every day. :-)

I relate to the guilty feeling for taking a rest. As I said a few weeks back in response to another of your blogs, rest holds some really important lessons. Leaning into that resistence or guilt about resting could reveal some really important insights--I know it has for me. It's also been my experience that if you don't take regularly scheduled rests, the universe will find a way to knock you on your a$$ and insist that you take them--a la injuries, illness, etc. If you don't rest now, trust me, those rest days are banking up somewhere and you'll be forced to take them eventually! Best to work them into the balance now. :-)

You're doing the right thing. You're doing the HEALTHY thing. My favorite t-shirt if one from Nike that says "Every Damn Day, Just Do It." When I take "it" to mean "exercise, cout calories, do everything you can to lose weight faster," I'm not doing right for myself. When I take "it" to mean "take care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically" then I'm really on my game.

Fold into that rest time. It sounds like you'll still be plenty active. Maybe it's time to think about what's so threatening or unnerving about stillness?

Be well.

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 12:11:12 PM

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MORTICIAADDAMS 10/22/2010 11:27AM

    Life is about balance. Not just this week but always. Don't let your quest for improved health and weight loss become an unhealthy obsession. Don't let it steal your joy. Relax and smell the roses - every day.

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 11:27:29 AM

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TRIPLE_EMME 10/22/2010 10:48AM

    I'm glad that you've been given a time out!

Enjoy your time with Joan this weekend!

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GETFIT2LIVE 10/22/2010 10:01AM

    I have a hard time takinf 'time off' from working out, too. Your trainer is very wise. Glad you are listening to her, just don't overdo it with the gardening and other things. That can count as working out too, you know.


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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/22/2010 9:59AM

    I've had to take several of these now. Our bodies aren't well oiled machines, although we treat them as such. I'm looking forward for your time off FOR you :) In your honor, I will attempt a run for the first time in forever... although if my foot still hurts, then I am going to the doctor for an xray. I'm trying to put it off until my appointment on the 16th. :(

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EDWINA172 10/22/2010 9:19AM

    Great advice from your trainer! Next time you workout or run, you will feel even better. You will be rested and recharged. BTW....if you find the defrag button, could you let me know?

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BAM0827 10/22/2010 9:16AM

    We need mental breaks from work - we nicely call them vacations. I totally agree that some times we need a vacation on other things. A weekend of puttering sounds good.

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STORMTMB 10/22/2010 9:15AM

    I'm trying to decide if "So this weekend I am cleaning the garage, weeding some unruly flower beds, cleaning out the shed" really qualifies as a time out... Still seems like work/work-out to me. I'm curious what Jen would think.

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 10/22/2010 8:54AM

    I've been feeling like I needed a time out all week. I'm going to have to learn to listen to my body or I'll never reach my goals.

Have a good weekend, John. Good job taking care of yourself!


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JENNIFER124 10/22/2010 8:36AM

    i am in my off-season and it has been a huge transition for me... but my coach ASSURES me that the mental time off (and physical) will be worth the time off.. enjoy your "vacation"... and work on enjoying the moment.. i will too!

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LMATTHEWS76 10/22/2010 8:35AM

    You are so right! Everyone needs a time out and we all need to not feel guilty about it because a day of rest inbetween days of intense workout is part of a good exercise routine. As your PT said, you can walk, but nothing else. You need to give your body time to heal and your muscles time to rebuild.

Happy rest!

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WORKINGSTIFF 10/22/2010 8:33AM

    Thanks for this.

I'm fifty and it seems that sometimes after a few days of workouts, I just need a break. The little aches and pains get to be just a bit too much, so while I'm not glad that you endure the same, I'm glad you're giving the suggestion to take a "time out."

Enjoy your weekend.

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Fifty Things About Me

Thursday, October 21, 2010

1. What time did you get up this morning?
6:10 AM

2. How do you like your steak?
medium rare

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Life As We Know It

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Men of A Certain Age

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Long Beach, CA

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Low Fat Whole Grain Waffles with Low Fat Cream Cheese and a banana

7. What is your favorite cuisine?

8. What foods do you dislike?
I'll eat anything. It's why I have weight issues

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
Third Avenue Cafe in Louisville KY

10. Favorite dressing?
Red Wine Vineager

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
Mazda Tribuite

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Shorts and a tee

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
1/2 full

15. Where would you want to retire?
Southern California

16. Favorite time of day?
Toss up between very early morning and twilight

17. Where were you born?

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?

19. How many siblings?
1 brother, two sisters. I am the oldest

20. Favorite pastime/hobby?
Running, reading, MORPG, and puzzles

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Everyone I guess

22. Bird watcher?
Uhm, not really

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?

24. Do you have any pets?
Rocky (10 year old lab), Mickey (5 year old cat) and Mallory (5 Year old Bischon mix)

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
I woke up this morning and this day like every other day is beautiful

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
Baseball player

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Wisconsin Octobers

28. Are you a cat or dog person?

29. Are you married?
Yup 36 years

30. Always wear your seat belt?

31. Been in a car accident?

32. Any pet peeves?
People who dont say thank you

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?

34. Favorite Flower?
White Roses

35. Favorite ice cream?
Coldstone Cheesecake with fresh blackberries

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
White Castle

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?

38. From whom did you get your last email?
Personal Account: From my mom
Buisness Account: From A Client
Spam Account: Someone challenging me to enlarge myself

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Apple Store

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
No. Thats sad I know but not recently

41. Like your job?
I dont have a job I get paid to enjoy myself and help other people and I am honored to do so

42. Broccoli?
In any way, shape or form

43. What was your favorite vacation?
The last one

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
DW and DD

45. What are you listening to right now?
Pandora Radio: New Age Mix

46. What is your favorite color?
Cobalt Blue

47. How many tattoos do you have?
None. I am not allowed to have one, nor am I allowed to have a pet monkey either

48. How many people will fill this out?
A lot?

49. What time did you finish this quiz?
4:11 pm CDT

50. Coffee Drinker?
No. I drink green tea and black chai tea mostly

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JPRICE217 10/22/2010 8:03AM

    Good to know a little more about you

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MARCYNA 10/22/2010 7:51AM

    Funny, funny, funny, you always brighten up my day emoticon I agree on the White Roses & on the Medium Rare Steak emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 7:56:10 AM

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DEE797 10/22/2010 7:10AM

    These are always fun to read. Like learning more about friends on Spark. Thanks for sharing.

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GEEMAWEST 10/21/2010 9:45PM

    I got up at 6:10, I like my steak medium rare, I enjoy Men of a Certain Age......but California? Really?! Love the weather but way to crowded for me.

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CARTOONB 10/21/2010 9:24PM

    I can understand not being allowed to have a tattoo...but no pet monkey?!?!? That's just wrong! LOL!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 10/21/2010 9:00PM

    Enjoyed your answers. LOL.

I was challenged to enlarge myself too. Last time I looked I didn't have anything to enlarge. LOL.

You would love our cobalt blue kitchen.

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DOLLBABE56 10/21/2010 7:14PM

    Enlightening emoticon

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STORMTMB 10/21/2010 5:39PM

    Is Mickey named after the Mouse and, if so, does your cat feel at all slighted by this?

Thanks for sharing!!

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KEELYDEUS 10/21/2010 5:29PM

    I can relate to #8! :) Very nice to "meet" you and get to know you a bit through this post!

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THEEXERCISER 10/21/2010 5:17PM

    It's nice to meet you!! I did today's blog on 50 things about me too! It's called I thought this was a great idea. Feel free to check it out!

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DISTAN 10/21/2010 5:15PM

    Thank you for sharing

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When All Else Fails

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Availible on Youtube @

Please be advised. This vlog involves me singing!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KLEONIKI 10/25/2010 5:57AM

    lovely blog!

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/23/2010 5:01PM

    THIS WAS SO UPLIFTING!!!!! I really loved it, thanks john. emoticon

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RACINGSLUG 10/23/2010 10:59AM

    You are a continued inspiration as always. ''Annie'' is one of my favorite musicals, and I sang ''Tomorrow'' as a solo in 3rd grade, that definitely brings back the memories (don't worry about your singing... my husband is far worse.)

''I'm not one of those people that believes every day has to be like the finale of a Broadway musical.'' Haha, what a great way of putting it. Funny you posted this on the day I got the stomach flu. Sometimes life just works out that way. I have a tattoo on my left hand in Sanskrit: Anitya, translated to English it says ''impermanence.'' That tattoo is a lifesaver, it always reminds me about tomorrow.

Comment edited on: 10/23/2010 11:00:57 AM

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MARCYNA 10/22/2010 2:25PM

    WoW, you brightened up my evening emoticon emoticon

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JPRICE217 10/22/2010 8:10AM

    only a daaay away! Thank God for tomorrow

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KSGROTHE 10/21/2010 6:24PM

    Great vlog, John! I probably shouldn't tell you this, but your singing made me laugh because in my head the song is sung by a spunky little red-haired girl, not a grown man like you! Thanks for making me smile!

- Karen

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GETFIT2LIVE 10/21/2010 5:28PM

    I love that song--thanks for sharing! Some days that's all I can do, smile and remind myself that tomorrow is another day.


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KT-NICHOLS-13 10/21/2010 12:25PM

    Thanks John!

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WISEONE68 10/21/2010 11:02AM

    thanks!! i have had some cooler, darker days on the personal front lately!! I hope I have been handling it fairly well...

have a great day!!

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ROGUE_RUNNER 10/21/2010 10:44AM

    Thanks John...I needed that. Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves :o( I needed to be reminded that it really is ok to just have a bad day.

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JUSTMOLLY13 10/21/2010 10:11AM

    Tomorrow..tomorrow..I'm only a daaay it, great blog.. emoticon emoticon

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DEVORA4 10/21/2010 9:58AM

  emoticon emoticonwhen my dog heard you he sang. He must have liked your voice. First time it happened emoticon

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WALKAWAY 10/21/2010 9:52AM

    Great Blog John, thanks so very much. Hope you have a great day ~ and a great tomorrow. emoticon

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DOLLBABE56 10/21/2010 9:27AM

    AHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! NOT ANNIE! lol Just kidding. I actually love that song. Hey, btw you have a great singing voice. emoticon Oh, and thanks alot ... now I have it stuck in my head. (making me smile)

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MKPRINCESS007 10/21/2010 9:26AM

    You can sing to me anytime, Rockstar! Didn't think I might smile today, but ya brought it! :) Thanks for being a great friend. I am very blessed.

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JURI62 10/21/2010 9:22AM

    I'm smiling! Thank you.

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 10/21/2010 9:06AM

    You made my day, John! emoticon

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MJRVIC2000 10/21/2010 8:37AM

    When all else fails, smile and try again! God Bless, Vic.

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Becoming Part of the "Ten Percent"

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Just one person taking action can inspire others to do the same.
~ Leslie C. Aguilar~

I live so much in the moment, so very much in ďthe today,Ē that I sometimes forget that all of that activity is laying the ground work for my future. The short version is I forget. The long version is that the future is not often on my radar. I might as well enjoy today. Who knows, there may not be a tomorrow.

My good friend CATHERINEL66 wrote a blog that jarred me into the future. Catherine is close to reaching her goal and as she does she prepares for tomorrow, the future, call it whatever you like. In her research she has found that ďonly 5-10% of people maintain weight loss.Ē I would have been a lot more comfortable with fifty percent. At least that gives me a fighting chance!! Five to ten percent almost screams FAILURE.

Read the blog!!

What I do today is going to greatly influence a million of my tomorrows. It means exercise and good food choices. It means muttering all the way to the gym and groaning while I lace up my running shoes. It means that I am not like everyone else. I canít eat a gob of cake and ten beers and never gain a pound or an inch. It means I will struggle and I will fail at times but I will keep going.

I am going to be part of the ten percent. I will succeed.

Yeah, I know, that all sounds sugary sweet and sappy. Do me a favor. Read all of CATHERINEL66ís blogs from day one. It is a roller coaster chronicle of a person who had many successes, many failures and a few dead ends in her journey towards planning to be in the ten percent. While I consider her a dear friend I donít consider her perfect and within that imperfection is where I find her inspiration. She sweat, she struggles, she overcomes obstacles and now perched on the precipice of success, she plans to stay there. To me thatís what spark is about, people like Catherine.

Just one person taking action can inspire others to do the same.
~ Leslie C. Aguilar~

I am going to be part of the ten percent

Thank you Catherine

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYASHLEY 10/22/2010 8:09AM

    The 10% is actually a huge myth that came from very scientifically flawed studies done in last chance obesity clinics. There are plenty of articles about it on the web.

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MARCYNA 10/22/2010 7:58AM

    I'm going to be in that 10% as well, how about increasing the percentage of those who succeed?
It's up to us to change the figures- scientists will have to realize it emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 8:00:23 AM

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MEL_UNRAU 10/21/2010 8:34AM

    I don't know you or Catherine at all... but I just posted this on her blog and I thought that I should share it with you as well.

The whole 5-10% thing is a myth. There was a study in 1959 done by Stunkard and McLaren-Hume of 100 people. Only 5% of those people in 1959 maintained the weight loss. And we witness the birth of a statistic! Actually the percentage of successful people is closer to 20% according to the National Weight Control Registry.

Here are a couple of studies

I am torn between feeling special that I am going to be part of some tiny percentage of successful people and knowing that what I have done CAN be done by anyone. And wanting to encourage the whole world to know this 5-10% thing is a myth. Because we CAN ALL DO IT!!! YEA US!!!!

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/21/2010 6:09AM

    WOW, THANK YOU for the things you make me think about that aren't up front in my brain!! emoticon emoticon


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PRINCESSNURSE 10/21/2010 4:51AM

    I know I am going to be in that 10% with both you and Catherine--we will do this (even when we don't feel like it-lol)!

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SPARKENISTA 10/20/2010 11:42PM

    John--I have no doubt that you will be a member in good standing of the 10%. I knew from your first blog that that would happen.

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom on my blog. They are a real boost to my efforts to take one day at a time.



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DEVORA4 10/20/2010 10:05PM

  I will,

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DOLLBABE56 10/20/2010 8:32PM

    I intend to become a member of the 10% club myself. It may take me longer than it should but I am going to get in to this club.

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GIRANIMAL 10/20/2010 7:18PM

    And here I always thought 10 was such a nice, neat, tidy number! LOL

I say we kick its nice little butt. If the power of SparkPeople can't change statistics, nothing can. We can do it! I for one have not come this far to screw it up now or even in the near future. I'm gonna maintain like nobody's business, and so are you! emoticon

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CARTOONB 10/20/2010 6:25PM

    Here's to being part of the 10%!!! With support like yours, I know we can do it.

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KSGROTHE 10/20/2010 5:41PM

    I had heard only 5% of people who lose weight maintain that weight loss, so it's nice to hear that as many as 10% do! emoticon

Thanks for pointing me to Catherine's blog. I have read a few of her blogs in the past, but I don't always read them.

Keep up the good work, and I have no doubt that you can make into that 10%! emoticon

- Karen

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GETFIT2LIVE 10/20/2010 5:07PM

    Let's start turning that number around together, shall we?

We can do it . . . we are changing our lifestyles, not dieting, and that's why it's possible. Thanks for pointing me to Catherine's blog, I don't know how I missed it yesterday!

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HDHAWK 10/20/2010 4:54PM

    I intend to be part of that 5-10% as well. I'm just starting over from scratch :(, but that doesn't mean I won't get there!

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CATHERINEL66 10/20/2010 4:38PM

    Awwww, John, this is so sweet! Thank you so much for being part of my journey, in all its ups, downs and in-betweens! I'm thankful to count you among my friends!

And YAY let's change that lousy statistic! I don't know about everybody else, but just because I'm almost to my goal doesn't mean that I'm going to stop doing ANY of the things that work for me ... like sparking, managing my mood and positive thinking, tracking, working out and running my big ole spreadsheet to see the numbers. :)

LOL, I can't eat a gob of cake (or the whole thing), drink 10 beers and not gain weight either!

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Update On My Dad

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

There is a point in time where it dawns on you that the roles and their meanings have changed. The child becomes the parent and the parent becomes the child. Itís unsettling. You were raised to respect, honor and love your parents. They knew best. Then they reach their mid-eighties and they begin to lose their grasp on reason. It scares you.

My dad could have avoided a trip to the hospital if he had called the doctor Saturday morning and got a prescription. His reasoning was that he didnít like the doctor that was on call. She got ďsnippyĒ with him last time. He was going to wait until Monday. So Sunday morning he is running a 102F fever. His left leg is swollen and he is so weak he canít get out of bed. At that point in time he decides maybe he should go to the ER. My sister Mary looks at him and tells him she will call 911. No. My father doesnít want the neighbors knowing he is sick and my mother doesnít want the neighbors looking inside of their home when an ambulance comes. My two brother-in-laws will carry him to the car.

Letís pause here for a moment. My dad has been down this road a couple of times before. He gets cellulitis very easily and usually ends up in the hospital for one or two days. I am four hundred miles away and the oldest so itís easy for my mom and dad to ignore my phone calls --- ďThe ringer must have been turned off.Ē

When they get to the hospital my dad is upset because he doesnít like the doctor. Neither does my mother. She is female and Croatian. Weíre Polish!!! Look at the map!! Poland and Croatia arenít that far apart from each other. We are all Slavic!!! What makes it worse is that this doctor knows her stuff and BTW she wonít put up with a lot of stuff. She notices in looking at my dadís file that there are no DNR instructions for either him or my mom. She explained that they were getting to an age where that needed to be known. Both my sisters said she handled this very professionally and with a lot of respect for my mom and dad. My father and mother have a fit!!

Yesterday my dad was upset because his doctor hadnít been in to see him doe he called the office. They explained that when he was admitted he was assigned a staff doctor who was emailing his primary care physician the various protocols. He was mad about that.
When I talked to him on the phone he told me he didnít need to be there. Sigh

He should be coming home tomorrow or Thursday. I suggested to my brother (I canít go to see him, we have to feed the horses and go grocery shoppingÖĒ) and my sister Jane ( Donít get mom and dad upsetÖ.) that all four of us sit down and talk a bit about the future. Itís getting harder for them to take care of themselves. My sister Mary is the only one who takes the time to look in on them, etc.

Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. Itís good to know I have so many friends here. Right now, if I drank to excess, this would be a really good opportunity!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELLAMIMI1 10/21/2010 6:02PM

    Ohh, that's tough.

Talk about role reversal: my daughter is 35 and I'm 53 and I promise you she thinks she the mother now and often tells me what to do! LOL She's a very big help to me, so sometimes I listen. LOL

I will be keeping you and the family in my prayers.

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SMOCKON 10/21/2010 2:32PM

    Sounds like my dad! My daily prayer is, "Lord, show me how to honor my parents."

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ANNE-ELIZ 10/21/2010 12:51AM

    Hi John, I just saw your blog post now. ...Seems like there's a lot of that going around...

I just posted on my blog about a similar issue.

This is a difficult time and it can be made more difficult when there isn't unanimity among family members on how to deal with the situation. Communication is key, but not always easy.

Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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EDWINA172 10/20/2010 4:31PM

    This is such a difficult time in an adult child's life. Its not a natural role that we were meant to play. We become the parent of our parent. Its such a challenge. They have their own will. We can't just tell them to shut up and go to their room. We can't ground them! We have our mental role of child. We feel that we must respect them even when they act up. Family pushes your buttons so much easier than anyone else.
I used to work as a nurse in as assisted living facilty. I've seen the struggle that families go through. I've experienced it myself. One day I realized that this is the way that God must feel at times. He says, "I gave them their own will, ugh!"

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MORTICIAADDAMS 10/20/2010 2:41PM

    My dad and MIL are becoming more feeble and the weaker they get the more stubborn and unreasonable they get. LOL. It's hard to know where to draw the line. As long as they are not senile you really can't do any more than present your arguments in a reasonable manner and even though they may appear to fall on deaf ears they were probably heard. Good luck with your dad.

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NJMATTICE 10/20/2010 9:21AM

    I am constantly reminded of the saying "getting old is not for sissies". I am glad that you are fit and strong. You are going to need all the energy you can muster. There are tough times ahead. Lots of support and prayers here for you.

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MARCYNA 10/20/2010 4:24AM

    We've all got idiosyncrasies...Your Dad's in my prayers and also your Mum & Family...there will be a solution, Providence is at work emoticon

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/20/2010 2:00AM

    Hey, I'm half polish! :-) Hope your dad is doing OK, my thoughts are with you! *hugs*


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GEEMAWEST 10/19/2010 7:56PM

    I see this kind of thing on a daily basis at my job (assisted living facility). It is so hard for all parties involved. There is no easy answer and all families have to work it out in their own way.

We had a 98 year old woman come stay at our facility after she had broken her hip. She was very anxious to get back to her own home. The physical therapist and I went out to evaluate her home and oh my, what a nightmare. 3 stories and totally unsafe in more ways than I can count. She insisted on going home and together with her family we decided that the only way she would be happy is if she was in her own home. And if she should fall and break her hip again or even worse, than she died a being happy. Quality of life is what is important.

Then there is the 86 year old diabetic who's blood sugars run in the 500's often. The family agreed that she should be able to eat what she wants when she wants because it is the quality of her life that matters and they didn't want to deny her what makes her happy.

My mother, who is in her mid seventies, was hospitalized a couple of years ago. My brother and sister asked me to come down to stay with Mom & Dad while she recovering. I agreed and called my dad to tell him I was on my way. You would have thought I just told him that he was the most worthless person in the world. He yelled and screamed at me that he was perfectly capable of taking care of his wife and he didn't need any help. I was stunned and hurt but had to take a step back and look at things from his point of view. It's no easy task, especially when their health and welfare could be endangered.

Didn't mean to ramble, but this subject is very near & dear to my heart.

Do the best you can and work together with your siblings for the answer that is best for your folks and your family.

Hugs, Cheryl

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CARTOONB 10/19/2010 6:32PM

    As hard as it is for you to be the parent, it's twice as hard for your folks to be the kids. They have been doing things their way longer than you've been alive and you're still a whipper-snapper! LOL! I hope you can get your family together to discuss the future. Good luck!

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SPARKENISTA 10/19/2010 5:41PM

    Sorry to hear about all of this turmoil. It sounds irrational to me, too, but having control over our lives (and not letting the neighbors look in) is very important when you feel yourself slipping.

I know it's hard for you to deal with the role reversal, but your father is having a very hard time abdicating control and admitting his frailties. It's hard for all concerned.

I hope that there is some positive resolution in the near future.

BTW, with all of this going on, I particularly appreciate your looking in on me and tracking my progress as you've been doing. Thank you so much.



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HDHAWK 10/19/2010 4:53PM

    I've been wondering how your dad was doing John. All I can say is, "been there, done that"! I think your situation is very typical of people in their age group. Not sure that helps in any way, but at least you're not alone. emoticon All you can do, is all you can do. I think your idea of meeting and talking together is great if you can get your sibs to agree. We had the same situation with my former FIL. If you stick your head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening then maybe it will go away. I hope you can get this dilemma solved John. Thinking of you and Joan!

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BTINTERNET 10/19/2010 4:32PM

    Getting your family together to discuss is really important. It is a hard role-change indeed. (I remember the first time my dad had to borrow money from me....) Keep running and we'll keep thinking of you.

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CIVIAV 10/19/2010 3:32PM

    And not tending to drink to excess, it might ease your mind until the meeting. Stay in charge of yourself and you will do the best for everyone involved. Good luck and God bless you all!

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ZURDTA- 10/19/2010 3:28PM

    My father doesnít want the neighbors knowing he is sick and my mother doesnít want the neighbors looking inside of their home when an ambulance comes.

Crazy, crazy people!

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GIRANIMAL 10/19/2010 2:24PM

    Oh man, John, I am sorry to hear you are facing these issues that come with aging and/or sick parents. And when siblings make it more difficult, well, it's just so unfortunate. I will share this, though: I could not believe the ugliness that surfaced between my mom and her brother and sister-in-law when my grandfather was sick. It made me sort of glad to be an only child. But then when I faced end-of-life decisions with my own mother just 6 months later, I longed for siblings to share some of the burden. Thank goodness you at least have an ally in Mary.

Most people are terrified of dealing with death, particularly their own, and it seems to get worse as the time grows inevitably nearer. Just try to remember when your folks are being unreasonable and making you crazy that they are likely scared. Approach the subject with love. But be firm, because you are right that it needs to be addressed. And then go outside and scream afterward. emoticon

Keeping you and Joan in my thoughts. emoticon

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MISSROCKABILLY 10/19/2010 1:19PM

    Sending good and positive thoughts for you and your family.

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BOBBIENORTHERN 10/19/2010 12:25PM

    Hey, John, just do your best to keep your sense of humor and look at all of this through eyes of love and compassion and do and go where Mr. Holy Spirit leads you to go. I think people get kind of funny as they age. My own mom even quit bathing as much as she used to the older she got. She said there was no need to bath everyday. She wouldnt even get clean clothes everyday. So, you do have other siblings that can help out just so long as you all can put aside any sibling differences and or rivalries, but, most of all learn to laugh alot and to keep a soft and tender and caring and loving heart, if nothing else it will help you to enjoy your days more fully. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CMBELISLE 10/19/2010 12:00PM

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, but I can't even begin to help you answer the questions. I can say this though - your parents are feisty and that feistiness will help them live many more years.

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 10/19/2010 11:55AM

    Oh John! I'm sorry to hear all that. I know it seems like an imposable situation, but get that meeting going, do whatever you need to do to get it done, you will be very glad you did!

I'll have you in my thoughts & prayers!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 10/19/2010 11:47AM

    My family and I are going thru this very thing. On 10/3, the six of us got together to discuss some things. The meeting went well but turned out to be pretty useless since my dad is so stubborn and is convinced that he doesn't need help. This is a very tough time for all of us. I'll be thinking of you!


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GETFIT2LIVE 10/19/2010 11:45AM

    Life gets so complicated sometimes, doesn't it? Especially with family; we went through similar things with both my mother (600 miles away and completely alone) and my husband's mother (1200 miles away but with his sister nearby). It's hard to talk about DNR orders and how to help our parents without them resenting our 'interference.' I pray that you and your siblings will be able to talk about the future for your parents in a way that honors and respects them but also ensures they are safe and live a long and healthy life. Makes you think about your own future and how to make things easier on your kids when the roles reverse there, too. Keep taking care of yourself in the midst of all this; exercise is a great stress reliever, especially running!

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CATHERINEL66 10/19/2010 11:29AM

    Hang in there John. Sounds a bit like your Dad is working through his own processing, and I'm sure it's hard for everyone. Remember what you told me one time about letting someone fail so they could have the experience of getting to the place they needed? Not that I suggest you let your Mom and Dad "fail" or harm happen, but I think they have to get to a place where they'll accept help.

And yes -- get your siblings around the table now and talk through the future -- hopefully with Mom and Dad too. It's easier now when there's no crisis. We went through this over the last few years with my similarly aged grandparents and it was not easy.

Keep exercising, buddy! It's better than the alternatives.

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TRIPLE_EMME 10/19/2010 11:26AM


Good luck with this situation, John.

Please keep your health a priority.

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STORMTMB 10/19/2010 11:16AM


I am 43 and have been dealing with this for many years already. My parents are in their 80's (yes, I was an "accident"). I know exactly what you mean. The role reversal is hard on everyone.

There is a wonderful workbook from Crown Financial Ministries that walks a person/family through many of those decisions that should be made and discussed and understood before you reach the critical final moments. I completed one for myself nearly 10 years ago regarding my finances and my wishes. My parents have worked on theirs, but we need to update it and talk more. Just thinking a tool such as this might help those in your family who are willing to work on it (and face reality!).

The workbook is called Set Your House in Order Workbook

Good luck!


Comment edited on: 10/19/2010 11:19:44 AM

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SWEETNEENI 10/19/2010 11:13AM

    I will remember you all in my prayers. Stay strong.

PS: My dad is Croatian and my mom is half Polish emoticon

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HLPRATT 10/19/2010 11:09AM

    It's hard to have elderly parents. There's a lot of dealing with crisis's that goes on. And it is unsettling to have the roles reversed but that happens too. A sense of humor and alot of stress relief is about all that helps. Good luck

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AKATUJE 10/19/2010 11:04AM

    Dear John, i pray for peace for you and your family, in the knowledge that God will work it all out for your good. I also pray that somehow you will work out how to go about it all. May God give you wisdom. He is with you.


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