JOHNTJ1   66,263
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
JOHNTJ1's Recent Blog Entries

Taking What The Room Gives You

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I am eternally fighting with myself. It’s not the knock, down, drag out sort of fight it’s really more of a struggle to see who wins. Maybe it’s safe to say it’s often the battle between the heart and the mind.

Because I tripped and fell this weekend I had two days where exercising wasn’t an option. The easy thing to do would have been to accept things --- “It is what it is.” It would have been nice to sit back and adopt the philosophy that I had two days to work on other areas of my life. Yeah that would have been nice.

Instead I made the choice to listen to that nasty old tape that I somehow forgot to get rid of many months ago. Maybe you have a tape that’s similar to it in your head? It basically says you are not as good as everyone else, you will never be as good as everyone else and stamped firmly on your backside, at birth I might add, are the words “People Pleaser.” It says you are overweight, fat, obese, chunky --- you pick one --- it is because of some fatal character flaw you have that no one else has…. You get my point.

A friend of mine once floated the notion in front of me that you “Take what the room gives you,” and you live with that. I took it to mean that those few words are a variation on “Playing the hand you’re dealt,” or the proverbial “When life gives you lemons create an LLC and open up a lemonade stand…” Those are wise words because if you are in the business of pleasing people and stressing over the fact that you always don’t please people, you are always looking for another room to be in. You are always looking some vehicle or some situation where you can look better than the person on either side of you simply so you will feel equal.

If I’d have been smart, which I’m not too very often, I’d have taken the two days as a break, a respite and an opportunity to work on some things, like say my book or my DVD or all those other things I’m scared to start because I mean what if I fail. Maybe you won’t love me?
I know it’s foolish.

I was sad to realize there are still small wisps of the old John in there somewhere. The guy who has to be better, look better and act better than anyone else just to be equal. I’m reminded of a line from one of the Gospels where Jesus tells his apostles, as it relates to expelling a demon “This kind does not come out through good works but through prayer and fasting.”

All the “activity” in the world does not make John a better boy. John looking at John and deciding that rolling with the flow isn’t a bad thing, a character flaw, something to revoke his pass to heaven over, is where the “prayer and fasting come in.”
I am wonderful, I am beautiful and I am worth every ounce of effort I put into my growth and development. I still have some, LOL, messed up ideas floating around in there. It starts here, by recognizing I am maybe only half way there, learning to let other people support me and acknowledging my own worth and value.

It begins by admitting to myself there are times I still want to please people and there are times I feel inadequate, alone and lonely even though people all over the universe love me.
It begins with acceptance and if it sounds tiring, boring and frustrating please realize some days, that’s all the room gives you and it gives it to you for a reason. The reason is to help you become a better you and me a better me.

When all is said and done, isn’t that what it’s all about anyway?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REJ7777 10/15/2010 7:31PM

    "I am wonderful, I am beautiful and I am worth every ounce of effort I put into my growth and development."
You sure are!!! Me too. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 10/15/2010 8:45AM

    Thank you for writing all this out, because I know EXACTLY what you're talking about and it HELPS to talk about it, we must accept that its there, so we can know what steps to take to feel better and heal!!!


We got this. :)


Report Inappropriate Comment
MORTICIAADDAMS 10/14/2010 8:54PM

    Hopefully at some point you will stop worrying that failure will make you unlovable and realize that unconditional love is the only thing worth having. You are who you are no matter what you weigh. We like you just the way you are. (Mr. Rogers) LOL.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KSGROTHE 10/14/2010 6:01PM

    John, I have similar fights with myself! I have very negative tapes in my head that I struggle to overcome. It's almost a daily fight.

Thanks for sharing how you feel. It makes a lot of us feel better to know we're not the only ones.


- Karen

Report Inappropriate Comment
ZURDTA- 10/14/2010 3:38PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
NJMATTICE 10/14/2010 2:30PM

    If we didn't struggle, we wouldn't need God. He's so smart! And I can tell you with some certainty that He has a soft spot in his heart for "old John". Lot's of people fell in love with old John. He's very lovable. They relate to him. They connect. They share the same human condition. God loves John. Period. I think you need to bring old John along on the journey. He's a part of you and always will be. Give him the loving he deserves. Perhaps if you keep trying to send him away, he'll come back showing up on your doorstep one day, drunk and broke and looking for a hand out.
Carry on, Sir John. You are doing great work.

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 10/14/2010 1:31PM

    You make me laugh and cry at the same time, because when you hold the mirror up to yourself, you make it possible for us to use that same mirror on ourselves, too. You sure do give ME a reason to re-evaluate those doubts and put-downs I seem to take a virtual SHOWER in every single day! Who says we can't change the endless skipped record that plays over and over again the minute we wake up?

I keep telling myself that I am a work in progress. Under construction! That is my way of keeping my impatience and self-beatings down to a dull roar! Thanks for another totally insightful and revealing blog that always makes me think more positively about where I AM, AND where I am GOING. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JJSSKINNYGIRL 10/14/2010 12:38PM

    Great Blog John! Don't forget your line from the movie "The Guardians" “When you have flown as far as you can fly, when you are out of breath, and your wings ache ,when you feel you are going to drop to the ground ---- You are about half way there.”

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 10/14/2010 10:27AM

    John, we love the way you are and we could not love you anymore - whatever you do.
I'm just like you and I sometimes wonder:
'Can a people-pleaser take some days off?'
'Am I entlitled to time for myself?' and the answer is 'Yes!!!'
I am starting to accept myself as I am, and I am determined to continue my life as a people-pleaser in a healthy way.
I 've stopped fighting and accepted my attitude as part of 'What the Room Gives Me'. emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/14/2010 10:31:20 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRIPLE_EMME 10/14/2010 10:11AM

    I'm with GETFIT2LIVE -- I'd like to find the room where those tapes are stored and erase them all!!!

You are on the road to becoming a better you. And, yes -- I do think that is what life is about.

Progression, striving to be better -- a constant work in progress. I think it would be boring to be perfect, anyway.

Hang in there... you can do it.


Report Inappropriate Comment
GETFIT2LIVE 10/14/2010 9:57AM

    Some days I wish I could find the 'room' in my brain where all those old tapes are stored so that I could go through and erase about 99% of them, don't you? Yet here we are, still fighting some of the same battles we thought we had won some time ago. Yes, we've made great progress, but then something happens, a stumble and fall, either literally or with our eating or exercise, to remind us that we haven't erased quite all of the old tapes yet. Learning to roll with the flow and stop trying to please everyone really is what it's all about, not pleasing everyone else or looking good on the outside. The only one we really need to be concerned about pleasing is God, and the amazing thing is we don't have to 'do' anything to please Him. He has already done what's needed.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAE_HENNINGTON 10/14/2010 9:12AM

  thank You John for your honesty and openess to share not only the good things about yourself but the things that you would just as soon forget about.. I appreciate so much when people feel safe enough to share their innermost feelings.. something I am still struggling with.. You are a very unique person and I am honored to be able to call you my friend

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSTANG_SALLY2 10/14/2010 9:07AM

    This part: I am wonderful, I am beautiful and I am worth every ounce of effort I put into my growth and development. Amen John!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSSUNBUG 10/14/2010 8:29AM

    When I started up with this knee injury, I resisted rest days. Eventually, I decided to take two weeks completely off from activity. The second I made that decision, I gained 30 pounds in my mind. By the next day, I was up to 40. By the end of the first week, I'd gained back all 100. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. It showed me that my life was, contrary to what I thought, still very much not in balance: I was simply obsessing in a NEW way, demanding NEW things of myself in the quest to be worthy, valued, etc. In short, it forced me to work on some pretty hard stuff that has shaped the rest of the journey--and it's opened up a lot for me and quite honestly changed my life.

I have this theory. lol. When we are impressed or struck by other people, it's often because we see them at this sort of... "best" moment. We catch a glimpse of them at their most stellar and most interesting. But in reality, they're not that interesting ALL the time (refer to marriage or living with someone for a sample of what it's like to recognize someone's indeed not JUST amazing ALL the time, LOL), and they're definitely not that interesting in their own heads. But to us, all we recognize is that X person was amazing on Y day. I think other peoples' greatness is easy to exaggerate (especially for us people-pleaser types), and I think we hold for ourselves the same expectation for stellar moments. In reality though, it's rare that we manage to recognize our own stellar moments--EVEN WHEN THEY'RE SERIOUSLY STELLAR.

Taking a rest is hard, but it sounds like the learning experience is what the universe believes John is ready to handle right now. Lean into it (as you obviously are), and see what's there to learn!

And for the record (and in the interest of holding up an alternative mirror), through THESE lenses, you're way beyond "equal" with my own encounters with the "general public." By simply being you, you've far surpassed average whether we're measuring intelligence, interest, etc. But then we people-pleasers ALWAYS seem to measure better on OTHER peoples' "scales."

And I guess that's why we all need friends!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Looking At "Thank You" In A Different Light.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I was doing a bit of reading while I was waiting for a client to call earlier and I ran across something by Patrick Henry Reardon that really struck home.

"Suppose for a moment that God began taking from us the many things we had failed to give thanks for. What would be left for us? Would I still have my limbs, my hands and my mind? What of my loved ones. If God were to take from me all those persons and things for which I had never given thanks, who or what would be left for me?"

This was a scary thought, one that I quickly pushed to the back of my mind because if I took this test right now I'd flunk. It came back to me when I started to answer someone who posted a comment on one of my blogs.

You know we all basically write the same thing. "Thank you for the blog comment. I really appreciate your support and friendship...." or a variation there of. If we know the person we write a bit more. Mostly its the Spark etiquette machine in operation. Sorta like not sending a thank you card after getting a wedding present.

For some reason I stopped before I hit the "send" button and added the following:

"In a world where everything moves a million miles a minute we lose sight of how precious and special friends are. Thank you for being one of those very precious people."

Spark friends are easy to not thank. Out of sight, out of mind and how many people do you know here that just sorta vanish?

What about my family? Sure I am grateful for them and all they do but how often do I say thanks? I sent my kids a text message awhile back and told them I didn't tell them I appreciated them enough. Four of them called and wanted to know if I got bad news from my doctor. Sigh

If I lost all that I wasn't thankful for I might stand to lose a lot. It sure is something I need to think about though.

A new goal!!! LOL

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEEDTOLOSE100LB 10/15/2010 12:22PM

    John, I am guilty of the same lack of etiquette. I am basically a thankful person...I honestly thanked the man who let me go ahead of him in the "fast" lane at Walmart the other day because I had one item...I honestly thanked the man outside Walmart (and stopped and conversed for a moment) offering free local newspapers...etc...those are the easy 'Thank yous'. The ones we gloss over are the little thank yous for a family member or friend who just does something nice or even something that is expected of them. Doesn't hurt a bit to say too many thank yous!
Here's to doing better with our thank yous and making them heartfelt, rather than rote.
For this reminder, John, I thank you. Keep up the good work, words and insights. There are a lot of us out here that cherish the thoughts you provoke, and I am one of them.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BTINTERNET 10/14/2010 10:37AM

    Thank you again for sharing much-needed thoughts. Lots to think about here.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAE_HENNINGTON 10/14/2010 9:14AM

  exactly... I am learing to live a life of gratitude.. thank you for shedding light on this most important issue

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARTOONB 10/13/2010 11:48PM

    Oh man! I would flunk too! Better start working on it...

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOLLBABE56 10/13/2010 10:21PM

    Your children's reaction is something I'd expect to hear from my own. LOL And, new goals? gotta love 'em. emoticon You're the best.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HONORINGGOD 10/13/2010 10:15PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
REJ7777 10/13/2010 9:27PM

    I'm reading this after just watching the last Chilean miner get rescued. They almost did lose everything. There's so much we take for granted... even our next breath of fresh air! We have so MUCH to be thankful for!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBRITA01 10/13/2010 8:57PM

    It is so important to have an attitude of gratitude...we are so blessed and need to be reminded from time to time. Thanks for the reminder...

Report Inappropriate Comment
KSGROTHE 10/13/2010 6:21PM

    emoticon for the reminder to be thankful for all we have!

I have to say that I got a little chuckle out of your anecdote about your kids thinking that you'd gotten bad news from the doctor when you told them that you didn't tell them you appreciated them enough. I might have the same reaction if my dad told me that!

Keep up the good work! You are always finding more things to do and to think about!

- Karen

Report Inappropriate Comment
GIRANIMAL 10/13/2010 4:59PM

    I too try to practice gratitude, but there is no such thing as too much. So thanks for the reminder, John. And thank you for always taking the time to thank us!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WANDAH3 10/13/2010 4:50PM

    John, when time goes by and I haven't made it to reading your blogs, there is a special little corner of my world that begins to wobble. I love how you just simply state the facts and they leave little grains of truth spilling out. Thank you for being you. I know sometimes it's hard to accept accolades, we feel like we aren't doing anything special. Well, in my corner of the world, what you do and say "is" special. I just wanted to say thankyou John, and also express my thanks to Joan for supporting you and helping you to become the person that you are.


Report Inappropriate Comment
ALLISON145 10/13/2010 4:41PM

    I always love your blogs, John... the best part is reading your posts (and the responses) and grabbing little motivational quotes and sayings. When I'm feeling a bit disconnected, your posts always help. I'm grateful for you!


Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 10/13/2010 3:44PM

    With you John, the words thank you never even feel enough to describe how grateful I am that we "met"! I really hope that I can see you this christmas!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NJMATTICE 10/13/2010 3:32PM

    You have a grateful heart. God knows your heart. I think you're pretty well covered. You can keep those limbs. It's a good reminder to do a "tude" check. attiTUDE. gratiTUDE. fortiTUDE. soliTUDE. latiTUDE. longiTUDE. All your TUDES in order? Thanks for the reminder to do my own TUDE check.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSTANG_SALLY2 10/13/2010 3:30PM

    Ugh! This is why I have such a hard time when someone asks, "Does anyone have any praises?" I always want to stand up and start with, well, I can blink... and build from there. That question bugs me. I try to do praise walks. Every step, I thank Him for something else. I have so much to be grateful for and we all have praises! Even if it's jut that last breathe we took in before we begin to speak.

Thanks for this reminder!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MORTICIAADDAMS 10/13/2010 3:28PM

    I do express gratitude a lot as I have been down and out before and had very little. It makes you very humble and keeps you grounded.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 10/13/2010 3:18PM

    I had an health scare some time ago, and I had the chance of thinking about my life in a different perspective... it was really nothing to worry about,BUT I've started NOT to take everything for granted. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

When It's Time For A Change

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Shortly before I joined Spark I switched gyms. It wasn’t an easy decision. I had belonged to my gym for thirteen years and was on its Board of Directors for four of those years. I woke up one morning and realized that it was not meeting my needs any longer. I had asked for help in a number of areas and I got a lot of nice speeches and promises to institute programs to deal with nutrition and exercise after age fifty and a host of other concerns I had about my own health. Nothing ever came to fruition.

It was about this time my doctor had one of those heart to heart talks with me. My weight had caused my blood pressure to be borderline dangerous, my blood work showed I was border line Type 2 diabetic, and my prostate gland was enlarged. I went to my gym and asked for some help. I was told it wasn’t available. The programs I needed weren’t available anywhere in our community except from a physician and they were expensive. “Sorry, John.”

I had a lot of friends at this gym. We went to church with some of the staff; others had swum in my pool and attended our barbecues. But guess what? They weren’t helping me. So I left. It was hard. I had at least a week of tossing and turning.

The gym I went to and am currently with costs thirty dollars more per month than I had been used to paying. The benefits I received are as follows:

My blood pressure has lowered to the point that my medication has been cut in half. I see the doctor in three weeks and I anticipate it may be cut further.

My blood work is well back in the normal range. I received a metabolic analysis when I joined my gym and a dietitian reviewed it with me and gave me some good nutrition guidelines.
Because of my weight loss and over all conditioning my prostate is normal and I am not using the restroom five times per night.

In August I took advantage of the option to hire a personal trainer and as I write this I can only tell you I am tickled pink with Jen.

Despite all the positives here I still felt bad sometimes. The CEO of my old gym will not speak to me. He feels I betrayed them by going to a competitor. I had to ask myself that question I pose to so many of you, “What are you worth, John?” I am worth a lot. There is no price on my health and well-being. No amount of guilt can make me devalue who I am and what I deserve.

Life is full of tough choices. While in the end they may produce great results, they may be painful to initiate. I am healthier, happier and more active because of the choice I make. I embraced my own mantra “You are who you hang around with.”

Life isn’t always easy. Joan and I went to a movie last night, a kid’s movie, called The Guardians. There was a line in that movie that I think applies to our journey here at Spark:

“When you have flown as far as you can fly, when you are out of breath, and your wings ache ,when you feel you are going to drop to the ground ---- You are about half way there.”

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAKEANDNELLIE 10/14/2010 10:34AM

    It's time we learned and accepted that sometimes our interests HAVE to be the top priority when we make decisions. Yes, it's always important to think of how our decisions may affect others, but we also need to realize that we "can't please everyone all the time," and sometimes we need to please ourselves!
You asked for help and didn't receive it. It's not like you just suddenly disappeared. They had to know that there were problems and they weren't willing to help find solutions. You took the action necessary and in your best interests.
Stay positive!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOLLBABE56 10/14/2010 7:05AM

    Wow, I like that line. Good one. And thanks for the blog. Another, good one.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WEEZIE1122 10/13/2010 8:29PM

    No guilt John. Maybe the CEO of your gym should have asked himself "What is John worth." If he no longer talks to you, it is NO DOUBT his loss.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 10/13/2010 4:23PM

    emoticon Now that is HUGE. way to go and thanks for constantly inspiring me!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 10/13/2010 2:53PM

    Thanks John...I'm learning so much from you.
Even if it hurts -and it does, when it's time we have to stand up and go somewhere else.
I'm so glad you've made it!!!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/13/2010 2:53:27 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
WORKINGSTIFF 10/13/2010 1:59PM

    Don't worry that the CEO from the former gym won't speak with you. If he were really interested in you as a friend or as a customer at his facility he'd take the time to ask you why you left and what it would take to get you back.

Part of being on SP is learning (as painful as it can be at times) to put your own needs first, even if it means some discomfort in other areas of our lives. And you are talking about your life here. No kidding.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NJMATTICE 10/13/2010 1:53PM

    Taking good care of John. Job # 1. Way to set aside those people pleasing urges. It's tough, but as you know, you are worth it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ZURDTA- 10/13/2010 1:26PM

    Shame you lost the 'friendship' of the CEO but I guess it didn't mean that much to him after all. You are worth the extra $30 and it has paid off. There is no price for good health...

Report Inappropriate Comment
TWENKY215 10/13/2010 12:19PM

    I'm still trying to wrap my head around them not being able to help someone with their health issues. The only thing they were concerned with is when is the next payment coming in! OMG! How can a gym or health club function without being able to give the right information to its customers whenever they need it. Being on the Board was not the best option to developing the rules and procedures to help get healthy issues incorporated? I am so happy that you felt the need to leave, and if the other people cannot understand that you did what you had to do to "LIVE", then shame on them. Your life is much better for the move anyway.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAHUNO2 10/13/2010 11:45AM

    Great!! So true! The saying is also right on - need to remember it.

The CEO of your old gym has blinders on - and it's his loss not talking to you. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JJSSKINNYGIRL 10/13/2010 10:56AM

    Great Blog! You where 110% right to leave that gym and those "fake" friends! Keep up the great work!! It's people like the owner of your old gym who try to keep some of us weak. Don't ever let what you did bother you again, it simply isn't worth your time, because as you have said so many times before John, YOU are worth your time!


Report Inappropriate Comment
TRIPLE_EMME 10/13/2010 10:35AM

    That line from the movie really resonated with me. I'm writing it on a sticky note to post on my desk. Thank you!

Above all else, thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad that you made the difficult decision to leave your "original" gym and join a new gym that is able to help YOU. You are healthier, happier and more active because of your choice (your words) -- and that is ultimately what matters.

You inspire me, immensely. A few weeks ago, I posted an update about how I was thinking about renewing my gym membership. You commented on my update telling me that my health is worth the investment. Your encouragement helped me rationalize my decision. I'm constantly obsessing over finances and trying to be financially responsible. I keep telling myself "no" for so many things that I want. I'm in the process of becoming healthier (and this is for both myself and my family). Renewing my membership is not simply a want, it is a need -- and a much needed investment in my health and future. I'm happy to share that I renewed my membership, yesterday.

Thank you, John!


Report Inappropriate Comment
GETFIT2LIVE 10/13/2010 10:19AM

    Sometimes we do have to make difficult choices along the way, but it's worth it, because we are worth it. It isn't always easy to make the healthy choices that take us where we want to go; if it were, everyone would be doing it. That line does sum it up well; thanks for sharing, and thanks for loving yourself enough to do what is right for you even when it isn't easy.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MINENA1 10/13/2010 10:03AM

    WOW!! The line from that movie is powerful! I love it. I need to write it down. Great job taking care of YOU John! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Special Me Revisited

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Available on YouTube @

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANEPANALIPTI 10/13/2010 1:22PM

    I've been thinking about this and your blog before this one all day. :-) Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, you. are. so. great. And this is SO important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We ARE special. I AM special. emoticon


PS. I'm going to make a list of special things and start falling back on THEM instead of all those shortcomings like you said. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HAPPY_ONE 10/13/2010 12:09AM

    You know What sir? I need to come visit your blog more often. You are great!
Thank you for reminding me of this. I have been having a hard time lately and needed this a great deal!
Thank you.

I wish you happiness _/|\_

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARTOONB 10/12/2010 11:43PM

    It is more difficult to think of things that make me special. Probably because in my mind, I'm not special, I'm normal. Not bad, just normal. Not special, just normal. I like hearing that other people disagree with me. But only on this one topic!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MYRNACARRIER 10/12/2010 9:35PM

    I started to write out a list of the 35 things about me that are special the last time you mentioned it. You are so helpful and I look forward to reading your blog every day. Now I am going directly to the libraby to get the book. It is such a good idea to have this list on ones desktop. Thank you, you are very special and so am I. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEE_DEE1972 10/12/2010 11:44AM

    Oh John, you are so awesome! Thank you for your wise kindness...
Have a speedy recovery so you can get back to your running, and have a fantastic rest of the week!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEATHERSCOTTTN 10/12/2010 11:00AM

    Very Nice Video Blog...

Thanks for reminding me that I am special and I don't have to turn to food to fill up the empty places or to try to help me forget about something or just out of bad habits / patterns.

Glad you were not badly injured in your fall..... hope you are fully recovered and strong with no pain very very soon!

You have a sweet way of communicating and encouraging... very calm. I liked it! thank you

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSTANG_SALLY2 10/12/2010 10:26AM

    Thanks for reminding me to fill out that on the 90 days team page. I keep forgetting to do it. I guess that's a sign about how hard it is! Ugh!

Have a great day!

Report Inappropriate Comment

You Deal, You Heal

Monday, October 11, 2010

We are indeed a very busy people!!! I think we have been conditioned to behave this way.
” Pull this lever, push this button, put a smile on your face, feel better, now quickly get back on the tread mill with the rest of the mice and everything will be okay.”

We never heal. I mean, we do, but mostly it’s done quickly and then all that unresolved pain and conflict and agony lays waiting around the corner, smiles, sticks it’s foot out and trips us. Then it laughs, and then we cry and shake our heads and wonder what happened.
There is a small voice inside of us that says “Get up, keep running. You don’t want everyone to notice you are not like them!!! Hurry up.”

We stuff our feelings, our hurts, and our “issues.” We work harder than the person next to us. We have come to believe that if we put enough distance between ourselves and our pain that once we can’t see it anymore, once the feeling deadens and numbs, that it’s gone.

You deal, you heal.

It returns. Maybe it’s through compulsive and emotional eating and all of our good work and effort goes down the drain and the weight creeps back on. We hear the pain and sorrow snicker and whisper “I still got ya…” Maybe it’s a pulled muscle or a hectic work schedule and we start losing gym time and that voice mocks us by saying “See, I told you that you couldn’t do this!!!”

You deal, you heal.

We choose to be healthy and to be healthy means that to heal, we deal. We deal with the pain, the frustration, the failure and we take the time necessary to resolve it. Then it goes away for good. It doesn’t end up waiting for us around the corner, plotting to trip us up, just when we feel the road to success is a clear and straight shot.

If you never accomplish another thing in your entire life you will be as precious, as valued and as loved as anyone you and I foolishly attempt to compare ourselves to.
Nine thousand, nine hundred ninety nine other people did not fall flat on their face Saturday, I did. Sitting in the ER with a compress on my knee and my wrist throbbing I just knew this wasn’t about a physical injury. I just knew there was a lesson here.

You deal, you heal.

The lesson for me is that when I choose to take the time to examine my internal bumps and bruises and deal with them the right way, they won’t crop up somewhere to hurt me. They are gone for good.

Healing takes time and while all the good activity that surrounds it can act as an emotional ibuprofen, the pain doesn’t go away until its confronted. That takes time, but I believe it’s well worth it.

You deal, you heal.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOLLBABE56 10/12/2010 8:15AM

    Like your blog John! Sounds to me that YOU are dealing and healing, and thing that I am trying to do too! (although, mine is not a physical one) :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 10/12/2010 6:08AM

    Healing takes time, and takes you to a growth

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 10/11/2010 4:41PM

    How do you always manage to describe what I'm feeling ? ! ? !

Thank you.


ps. im writing that down. you deal, you heal. You're SO right.

nah, i'm printing it out!!

Comment edited on: 10/11/2010 4:52:26 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
WORKINGSTIFF 10/11/2010 3:16PM

    Right on, John. Well put.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ZURDTA- 10/11/2010 3:09PM

    True... thanks.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FREDIA2 10/11/2010 2:24PM

    Hope your knee gets better soon. Another excellent blog to which we can relate

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEEMAWEST 10/11/2010 2:12PM

    Totally right on, John!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARAWALKS 10/11/2010 12:12PM

    emoticon blog, John. It takes courage to really deal. But it's so worth it in the long run. Hang in there, you are emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MORTICIAADDAMS 10/11/2010 11:37AM

    i certainly hope you have a complete recovery in every way.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JJSSKINNYGIRL 10/11/2010 11:35AM

    I do hope you get better soon!! You are so right on with this blog. Thanks John!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRIPLE_EMME 10/11/2010 10:02AM

    I hope you take the time you need to heal.


Report Inappropriate Comment
WANDAH3 10/11/2010 9:59AM

    Wonderful blog and so right on the money! John, I hope that your physical injuries heal quickly and that any internal injuries follow the same path of healing.

Lots of hugs,

Report Inappropriate Comment
HLPRATT 10/11/2010 9:52AM

    So true and there's not enough of this being done. In health care, I treat people's bodies but sometimes I know there's a whole lot more than that going on. Usually it's important to the process of healing but most of medicine ignores it. People that don't are an inspiration. Heal well.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HDHAWK 10/11/2010 9:52AM

    This is exactly what I'll be doing this time around so the weight will stay off for good! Heal quickly!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIME4AFITME 10/11/2010 9:51AM

    Sorry about your knee hope it is all better soon. Excellent blog!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NJMATTICE 10/11/2010 9:34AM

Hopefully you are dealing with just that actual physical pain. The one thing that I am slowly learning is that pain is inevitable. Learning to deal with the actual pain without heaping on the extra pain of the SHAME, makes for a quicker healing process. I disagreed with the statement of "gone for good". I think it's cyclical. I may think it's been dealt with, but it often crops up again and surprises me. Then I have to feel that pain again and let go of the shame of "if I had done a better job of dealing, this wouldn't be back here to haunt me!" For me, learning to accept the cycle and develop healing regimens helps me move forward in a more efficient manner.
Heal well, my friend. You are doing a great job! And thanks for the inspiration that helped me get motivated and out for my walk on the bayou this morning. I even mixed in some interval running. You're a good motivator!
Enjoy your day.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CROBINGO 10/11/2010 9:18AM

    So true about the merry-go-round we put ourselves on...even the one of healing. I agree thast if we take the time to really deal, we really heal.

Excellent blog and a wake up call to many of us. Sorry about your fall but it also sounds like you leanred something important...and chose to teach it to us. Thank you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSSUNBUG 10/11/2010 9:00AM

    So sorry to hear of your fall, pal. :-( But there's so much truth here: we have to confront what's in our path and DEAL with it in order to heal it. If we don't, we put ourselves at perpetual risk of stuffing it down with self-destructive behavior. Simply being with feelings--physical or emotional--takes a lot of courage--a lot more than putting on that happy face and plowing forward does.

I hope this week is full of healing for you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAHUNO2 10/11/2010 8:53AM

    Another insightful Blog!! Sorry you hurt your knee. I bet you do GREAT getting through this! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
YOGINI_JACKIE 10/11/2010 8:33AM

    So sorry to hear about your knee, but as always, it seems like you have a good handle on things. Keep up the positive attitude and get well soon!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEACHING1ST 10/11/2010 8:31AM

    Yes, yes, yes! Reflection is painful, too, at times...but we live and learn. You have such insight, John. Thanks for sharing yours with us.


Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 Last Page