Monday, February 01, 2010
I drove over five hundred miles one way to see a band perform this weekend. They are not a band whose name you would recognize. I did it on a whim. Well okay, I planned it out for three weeks ahead of time but trust me “I don’t do things like that!!!” Mostly I would sit around and regret what I didn’t do. Then I’d get sad and the angry and then the flood gates would open. I’d remember every tiny mistake I ever made. I’d recall every slight, every opportunity I missed and every relationship that went into the toilet because of my perceived inadequacy.
When I gained weight it was because I wasn’t worthy of being skinny like the rest of the world. I’d made too many mistakes. I’d blown too many opportunities in life. I deserved all of this. I lived in the past and by doing that I missed a lot of really great things right here in front of me.
So this weekend, we got in the car. My wife said more than once “Wow, we are really doing this?” My children called to inquire if I was terminally ill and trying to complete some sort of bucket list. Nope, just living the life.
It dawned on me awhile back that all I have is the opportunity right here before me. There are people who hurt me in the past. There are situations I should have taken advantage of and never did. But it’s over, it’s done and I can’t change that.
If you keep looking over your shoulder you get a really sore neck. I choose to look ahead. I choose to heal.
Do me a favor. Close your eyes right now and throw your past in the garbage. The only reason it continues to hurt us is because we let it. This journey towards health, this quest for an improved lifestyle can also be a very wonderful and beautiful healing. It starts by realizing the past is gone forever. Like an artist poised before a blank canvas, a dancer leaping onto an empty stage and a musician with a tune humming in his head, you and I heal each day and begin anew.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
I have gained so many wonderful Spark friends in the past seven week. I am so grateful for their encouragement and positive support. One of them gave me some advice last week that has stuck in my head and will not go away. That's a good thing!!! My friend told me to always remember that I wasn't on a diet, I was changing the way I lived.
I am one of those introspective, think about stuff for a long time and then be amazed by it all kinda person. As my week progressed I saw how diet and exercise arent the only areas of my life that need to evolve.
I woke up this morning after a late night. I laid in bed and part of me kept saying, "Get up and do your cardio!!!" The other part of me said "Relax, you have all day!!!" I'll admit I felt guilty laying there. I am one of those people who really believes that if you aint busy, you aint got no value. My problem has always been that when I am not busy I eat, then I get depressed then I eat more and well the whole day is shot. It took me a good half hour to reconcile with myself that it was okay to relax this morning, eat lunch with my parents and THEN work out.
So along with nutrition and exercise I am evolving in my efforts to relax and just enjoy whats in front of me. It's hard, but I am learning. I am learning that its a 100% effort that will make me a successful ,healthy, happy person. I am starting to form goals in my head I wouldn't have thought about seven weeks ago.
This morning i walked into the hotel buffett area with my fresh fruit and turkey breast. I had my own whole grain bread. It didnt bother me what anyone thought. I knew, I was being true, to me.
Sometimes it is the smallest things
Saturday, January 30, 2010
By the time we got ready to go yell surprise to my sister-in-law at the local pizza parlor, I was acting like I was about 12. I was hungry. I was tired and I was mad at the world because, well I was just mad at the world.
Things didnt get better, at first. The meal was "buffet." That means lottsa calories. All kinds of gooey pizza. As I walked though the line trying to figure what would do the least damage when I see this pizza piled high with lettuce and tomatoes. No cheese. Just lettuce, tomatoes, chicken and what I found to be barbecue sauce. It was cold. Even better the pieces were cut into two inch by two inch squares. So I snagged three pieces and sat down and felt a whole lot better. Instead of the four pitchers of beer I would have had in the past I had three or four glasses of unsweetened tea.
I had no cake. I wanted to, badly. But I felt so good inside I just wasn't going to blow it. I got up this morning, did my 40 minutes of cardio and had a breakfast of fresh fruit and whole grain toast.
Time to leave Chicago and head to Milwaukee, where we celebrate my brothers birthday, today.
Spread the Spark and if I can do it, well, so can you.
Thank you all so much for your support
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