Sunday, September 05, 2010
There is that old adage that says if "You fail to plan, then plan to fail." Sometimes, even when you do plan this thing called reality gets in your way and just messes up your entire universe.
I was scheduled to run today. Today is my long day, three to three and one half miles. I laid all my clothes out last night and was all psyched up. I rolled out of bed this morning and noticed a "twinge" in my left knee. Some of that is just part of being fifty seven, I know but it didn't get any better. It didn't get any worse, just not better. We needed ice for later today, so I walked up to the corner market and back. Knee still hurt.
Now I am getting mad. This hasn't been the best week for me and I am going to be traveling all next week so I set my running and personal training schedule to reflect the travel. Not running today messed all that up.
It's beautiful here this morning. I took my lap top and came out on the patio to write this. I haven't been able to do that since mid-May. I should be running!!! I am seething.
I'm not going to run. I mean, my heart is saying "go,go,go." My head knows otherwise. My heart and head are fighting and I am getting hit with all the BS they are tossing at each other. I know I cant control this. It is what it is, but gosh I have had enough failure this week!!
There I feel better. Thank you for loving me.
Joan says I can go shopping with her today for shoes, and fall mums.
Smile John, smile
Friday, September 03, 2010
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Thursday, September 02, 2010
For those of you who remember dial up internet days this story will have more meaning. Joan and I had a friend years ago whose husband traveled for a living. He would leave the house on Monday morning and return on Friday evening. Gloria met him at the airport every Friday night. It was, you might say, a ritual. One Friday Jim returned early and called home ---- busy signal. He waited a few minutes and tried again --- same result. It seemed that as Jim traveled Gloria got to spending much of her time on the internet, so much, so that she forgot to get Jim at the airport. Jim took a cab home. (I am not sure if they are still together or not, LOL.)
I bring this up because I read a blog yesterday about Sparking and relationships. The person who wrote it wondered if any other Sparkers partner, in this case, a spouse, was jealous, envious, or angry (You pick one.) of the amount of time they spent on Spark. They went on to say their spouse got upset by the amount of time they devoted to Sparking. I thought it was a great question. Here is my opinion.
Before I joined Spark I asked Joan to look at the web site and give me her opinion. I trust her opinion and even though this experience is free, it is an investment of time. In the ten months that I have been here Joan knows everything that “is going on” in my spark world. I refer too many of you by first name when we are talking and I share with her when one of you does something amazing or when you may need thoughts and prayers. Periodically she asks me how some of you are doing. In a nutshell I include her in what I am doing.
The second thing Joan has seen is results. She is as happy as I am that I have shed seventy four pounds in ten months, exercise six days a week, am running on a regular basis and eat healthy. The quality of our life has improved and I am more active which means I don’t simply sit on the couch and process carbs.
I think, at times, we have to ask ourselves why we Spark.
Is it to become healthier and happier or is it solely a social network? If Joan saw no change in me, if I had remained at three hundred plus pounds and sat at my computer Sparking a few hours per day for close to ten months her attitude might be a bit different. Don’t misunderstand me, without the social networking factor I don’t think I would have sustained the progress I made. I NEED to let you know my triumphs and my failures, but it’s not the sole reason I am here. I am here to get healthy and stay healthy.
I am very fortunate, Joan has encouraged me every step of the way. She has a Spark account but it is mostly to read my blogs and view my vlogs. Her insight into what I write and tape is very valuable to me. Her involvement has a lot to do with my success. I made the choice to include her and to communicate all things Spark with her. There are days she is more interested than others but she always listens and asks about many of you and your progress. She has not only seen the results in my physical form but we do more than we did a year ago because I want to do more.
I don’t always share, LOL. I get scared when I accomplish something because that fat person is still lurking in the back ground. I don’t always share with Joan because some nights I wake up and see fat old John standing at the foot of the bed. That will get better in time, just like I am.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
What do you see when you look in the mirror. I know what I am SUPPOSED to answer. I am SUPPOSED to answer that I see a wonderful, beautiful, child of God. But what do I REALLY see? Mostly I see the flaws, the bumps, the bruises, the hair loss, the wrinkles, the blemishes….. The list goes on and on. I guess it is why I am so very surprised when I notice something very good about me in the mirror.
While working with Jen on Monday, doing this balancing exercise that involved me lunging on a step board with a twelve pound bar on my back, I noticed my legs in the mirror. They really looked good. I mean way good. I mean OMG……… are those MY legs. You have done the same thing, no? You drop a jean size, a short size or a dress size and you are amazed. That’s YOUR body there!!! Instead of my awareness level being at a sort-of “Well with all the work you are doing, it stands to reason you would look good,” I let my jaw drop. I was amazed at my own worth and value. You may argue that I was “happy with….,” “impressed by……’” No I was amazed
My friend Girlanimal posted a blog a few days back addressing balance in her life and the need to rest at times. She set my pondering process into motion and I discovered that along with resting I needed to become aware of the real beauty of myself during that period of time. Yes, there is a beautiful John under this shrinking obesity, but there is a beautiful John within it as well. I don’t need to wait for the externals. Yup they are nice and I will take them any old day of the week but there is a beautiful John right here and right now
I know this never happens to you does it?
I can’t see your real beauty until I acknowledge my own. We are very comfortable with folks telling us we are smart, witty and charming but we get a bit anxious and feel queasy sometimes when they complement our physical attributes. We constantly compare ourselves to others and come up short.
Everyone here is old enough to recall the story of the Three Little Pigs and the Big Bad Wolf. Two pigs built houses from Straw and wood and when the wolf came calling they crumbled. The third pig built his house from stone and it with stood the storm. We put a lot of emphasis on diet and exercise, as we should, but if we are to find real balance in our lives shouldn’t we look at our own self-image?
I am coming to realize that I have failed to remain healthy in the past because I have not allowed my internal perception of me evolve along with all the external changes. I am wonderful, beautiful and I will work hard to realize that every day.
Care to join me?
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
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