Monday, July 19, 2010
“If you want to take your mission in life to the next level, look inside. Abolish your fears and raise your commitment level to the point of no return, and I guarantee you that the champion within will propel you towards victory.” Bruce Jenner
It hangs on the inside of my locker at the gym. It sits at eye level and before I begin my workouts I read it and let my hand touch it. On the days I am looking forward to working out it raises my level up a notch and I go bouncing up the stairs. On the days I’d rather not be there it centers and focuses me and reminds me why I am there.
Most of what I don’t do is born of fear. It’s not the fear of failure. As a habitually and chronically over weight person I could write you a really good “How To….” on how to fail at stuff. Nope, failure does not scare me, being successful does. It scares me so much that I will create elaborate excuses to not deal with it or confront it. I will rationalize to the point where I believe the myths I created in my head.
I have been putting off working with a personal trainer since May. I just “wasn’t ready.” That was my first excuse. Next there were so many “good people” to choose from. I was approached by two trainers offering me their services. (They really shouldn’t do that!!! LOL) I deferred. It was my work schedule and all. They said they would work around it. I told them I would get back with them.
I “prayed” about what I should do and I even came up with the notion that sort of like the burning bush, God would show me the trainer that was right for me. Until them, I would suffer silently waiting for an angel to hover over the top of my gym and point the way.”
Divine intervention or not I needed a trainer. Other than C25K I am at a point where my workouts aren’t taking me higher. I feel as if I flat lined. Last week I took the plunge. I filled out the paper work along with a lengthy dissertation attached to it. I immediately regretted it. This means that fat old me is going to have to make another commitment to himself. There is going to be another human being there. Maybe we better re- think all of this.
I opened my locker and read the quote and as I dressed I realized I was simply scared. It wasn’t anything very complicated. I was scared of succeeding, more than I already had. Since I began this journey and it has become noticeable people have gone out of their way to be complimentary to me about my appearance. It makes me uncomfortable.
I have to laugh because isn’t it every over weight persons dream to be noticed for all the right reasons? I get uncomfortable because when people notice me there is an expectation created inside of me. I don’t always like that. I am not used to dealing with success. I am used to losing ten pounds and putting on twenty and blaming the cosmos.
Now I am going to take it up a notch. I am going to work with a pro who I want to put me on a long term program that will maintain my health and help me reach my weight and fitness goals. I am fortunate I can do this, yet I am fighting it every step of the way. I am scared because I am requiring myself to be a success.
Misery loves company, or so the saying goes. I know misery; he lives next door and greets me every morning. Success moved in across the street recently and him, well him, I am not quite too sure of him. I keep my distance. He threatens everything I had come to believe about myself.
I must supply God with a much needed dose of comic relief given all the wriggling and wrangling I do. Every tool I ever need is inside of me given to me at birth. It’s my choice to use those tools or let them lie dormant. It’s my fear that prevents me from doing so.
Call it a light bulb going off in my head or call it the Holy Spirit; it came to me yesterday that this is the reason I have always reached a certain point in my health journey and then fallen backwards. I was afraid of success. Fear griped me by the throat and provided me with a host of excuses and I took advantage of every one of them.
“If you want to take your mission in life to the next level, look inside. Abolish your fears and raise your commitment level to the point of no return, and I guarantee you that the champion within will propel you towards victory.”
I sit here this morning with a new perspective. Like anything else new in life it’s tender and it’s awkward and right now I am not really sure about it. I am happy and excited and I am scared. I have made fifteen new excuses not to move forward as I write. All I can do is laugh.
I’ll get it done. I’ll overcome my fears, all of them. It may take me awhile and I might have a few setbacks along the way but if I want to get to the next level it’s necessary.
There’s a new world out there for me and you. All we have to do is gather the courage inside of us to go explore it.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I publish a blog periodically for my clients and i have to admit it's been four months since I have updated it. I did so this morning. The topic of my blog is a direct result of what I have learned here at Spark People. I have posted the link to it below.
Since its my own work I guess i need to give myself the credit for writing it, LOL
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The greatest gift we have ever received happens every morning when I open my eyes. As we plant our feet on the ground before us lays a fresh canvas, blank and unpainted upon. There are no errors, no mistakes, no wrong colors, just a canvas waiting for us to paint on it.
Had a bad yesterday, you might say. It matters not. This morning is fresh and new and no matter how hard you try, good or bad, yesterday with its triumphs and its mistakes is gone forever. When my eyes flutter open each morning I am given another chance to be what I was intended to be. I am given a chance to simply cast aside the shackles of years past, shrug my shoulders and take a step into the light. The scary part is that once I embrace this way of thinking, I no longer have any excuses. If each day gives me an opportunity to be better, wiser and stronger, to learn from yesterday what I can, vow not to repeat it and then discard it, I am out of reasons not to grow and be happy.
In my life time I have been given 20,782 opportunities to begin anew, learn from my past mistakes and start over. I wonder sometimes when I took advantage of that opportunity. Mostly, I slide out of bed, complaining and moaning about what “I HAVE to do” today. I complain about the weather, the world and the fact that I don’t believe the Chicago Cubs will never win another world series. I ingest a beverage to jolt me awake and like some sort of drone I fall into place with something called “conventional wisdom.” That’s code for how I got fat. I got fat following what everyone else does, paying attention to rumors and fallacies about life
We fall into step with everyone else because it’s easier. We ARE NOT athletes. We ARE NOT cooks. IT’S EASIER to go to a restaurant after a hard day’s work. I AM OLD. We all have our own built in mechanism to defeat our success. We are comfortable in doing so because when we look to the right and look to the left we see everyone else doing as we are. It provides us with comfort.
Every morning we have a chance to change it. While I can’t repeat yesterday I can build on it and I am fooling myself if I believe I can only build on positive things. I can build on all the negativity I hold on to. If I am not careful, my life begins to spiral downwards.
But there is hope. If you are reading this blog you are part of it. Every day the amazing support mechanism you and I have kicks into gear the moment we boot up our computers. Every day we get a chance to get it right, once again.
Didn’t log your food yesterday ---- Start again today. Forgot about the gym, or maybe you just didn’t feel like it ---- Today gives you the chance to sweat a bit and build on your success. Lost, not sure where you are at in all of this ---- Pick up your copy of The Spark and “get back to the basics.”
All I have to do is get it right once and every day I have an opportunity to do so. Like the man said in the movie:
“Come on in boys, the waters fine!!!”
Get An Email Alert Each Time JOHNTJ1 Posts