JOHNTJ1   68,054
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Peace of Mind

Friday, May 28, 2010


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIME4AFITME 7/4/2010 7:50PM

    Great blog. I get such a great feeling after listening to one of your vlogs or reading a blog. thank you for being you

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KASEYCOFF 6/2/2010 7:09AM

    Good blog, good motivation - great points about commitment and making choices. My favorite quote is attributed to Abraham Lincoln, 'Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.' Yepper, it's all about choices, ain't? :-)

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KLEONIKI 5/30/2010 4:58PM

    hello dear John!
Have a nice week and stay as positive and good as you are!

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MISHKALA 5/30/2010 4:10PM

    Thank you John for the wonderful words of encouragement. It's a long battle and it's easy to get discouraged. Especially when I have hormonal weight gain. You're kind words were just what this tired soul needed. God bless and have a wonderful time with your family! emoticon

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STOLTZY64 5/30/2010 2:39PM

    John...I love your blogs! They keep me encouraged, and they show what a special, sweet person you are. Have a wonderful weekend. You are part of my new family too!!

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WANDAH3 5/30/2010 10:11AM

    Thank you John, your support and encouragement is so appreciated.


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SUZANDALE 5/29/2010 1:01PM

    Thanks again, John!! I have had a really bad week and not sure why! The one thing I have done right is to check in daily with SP! I make sure I read blogs for support, motivation, and encouragement! And you never let me down! LOL! Have fun this weekend! And thanks for being here!
Luv ya!!

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JPRICE217 5/29/2010 8:56AM

    John you are the special one! I am pleased that you think of me as family, because I think of you as my family. Look forward to herring about your weekend. Love jane.

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SHER11 5/29/2010 12:29AM

    Thank you John for your video blog. Always motivational and inspirational.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Love ya too

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XENA1956 5/28/2010 11:05PM

    Great blog. Have a great time at Indy 500, wish I could be there with you. Love the car races, Indy or Nascar. Hope you have Peace of Mind for the rest of your life. And I love the fact that you help children. Another A+ for you emoticon

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HAWAIILINDA 5/28/2010 10:14PM

    thanks once again John, I hope you have an excellent long weekend!

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JUSTFOXXY 5/28/2010 9:43PM

    John, you are a wonderful man.

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PUCCIOLA08 5/28/2010 6:03PM

    Hi John,

I'm brand new to SP, just joined early this morning. You are the first blog that I have subscribed to, I loved the optimism of this blog. I have been feeling down lately, which is when I decided it was time to reach out and seek help, and I found this amazing website and your blog made me seriously smile. I'm 22 and i hope this doesn't sound weird but you remind me so much of my father. He is in Germany right now and has been there for a few months and I miss him like crazy, so needless to say your blogs seem extra special to me :)

I hope to see more of your blogs soon!


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TINKERBELL200 5/28/2010 5:59PM

    Wonderful blog John! Love the optimist creed, first line! Good line to live by! Thank you for the encouragement! Have a great time with the family this weekend! The race sounds very exciting!
And never give up! And yes, we're still here! Two years with Spark's now! I'm so very thankful I found it! God bless!

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ALLISON145 5/28/2010 5:32PM

    I love your video blogs, John. Thank you!


Have a great weekend!


Comment edited on: 5/28/2010 5:33:08 PM

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RONDAJONES 5/28/2010 5:00PM

    Looked up that poem up online...hanging this all over my house! LOL I went to the Indy back in '90...haha. I had just gotten my car back from the shop a week or two earlier, drove there in the middle of the night. I reached the "line" about 5AM and by 7 my car broke down. Cam Shaft bolt cam off. ALLLLLLL those one would help me push it! LOL My friend and I pushed it through the line because I was NOT missing it! I had won tickets from the local radio station. Anyway, we were behind a guy that was leaking a bunch of something out of his ended up being water. He had it packed LITERALLY with ice and beer! LOL Funniest time I have ever had! Enjoy!

Comment edited on: 5/28/2010 5:08:29 PM

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LIFEGENESIS 5/28/2010 3:36PM

    Thank you for your sincere words. ((HUGS)) You are a great motivation/inspiration.

Oh yeah...and one more thing.

I promise.

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KSGROTHE 5/28/2010 3:26PM

    emoticon for this great video blog, John! I may have to listen to this sometimes when I'm feeling down. It's very uplifting!

Have fun in Indy! You'll be within 5 - 10 miles of my parents and sisters! (I grew up about 5 miles or so from the Indy 500 racetrack, but I've never attended the race!) I'll be camping at Big Pine with the boy scouts this weekend.

- Karen

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2BEATIT1 5/28/2010 2:45PM

    Hi John,
You are such an inspiration and encouragement to the rest of us. Thanks for taking the time each day to write your blogs.
As I read your latest one, I felt your thoughts could be summed up in the words of the old hymn ONE DAY AT A TIME by Cristy Lane
May these words encourage you and all your readers to remember we are only promised today. So let us take One Day At A Time. and trust the Lord for His strength.


I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

Do you remember, when you walked among men?
Well Jesus you know if you're looking below
It's worse now, than then.
Cheating and stealing, violence and crime
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.


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ADVENTUREGIRL04 5/28/2010 2:05PM

    This is such a great blog!! Very inspirational!!!

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TEACHINMOM 5/28/2010 1:34PM

    Great, GREAT blog!! THANKS~I needed to hear this today. I have been here on SP since 2006 (with a two year "disappearing act" somewhere in the middle-but I'm here still!) and I am having problem with my thinking since I am not losing like I did at the beginning. I am really trying to get back on track and stay there and I really need to focus on the fact that I'm still here and still trying and still encouraging others as you mentioned. Anyway, this is the first of your blogs I have watched and I very much enjoyed and appreciated it. Have a fabulous, safe weekend!!!

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ELIZABETH525 5/28/2010 1:27PM

    This reminds me alot of this quote I heard years ago:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others."

I don't know how many times in the past 2 months I have had bad days and thought about NOT logging in, NOT logging foods, NOT putting down everything I ate out of guilty or shame...then I figured...everyone has bad days. I am strong enough to admit fault, to say yesterday is the past and I can make the best of today! It is those that stay around, that come up to a wall and instead of going "Oh well, guess this is the end" they say "Now how can we get around or get over this."

You are one of those people John. You see the solutions and not the problems.

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HDHAWK 5/28/2010 12:50PM

    Loved this blog John! Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy every minute of it!

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OPERATIONMILF 5/28/2010 11:20AM

    I have joined and quit sparkpeople about a million times. Maybe a little less =P

So, I asked myself why do I keep coming back? The reason is I really love to quit and I hate to fail. Temporarily quitting is a relief. I allow myself what I temporarily see as freedom. Then I realize the cage of fat and unhealthiness I have embedded myself in, and failure mode sets in.

I am here this time to not allow myself to quit. If I am doing bad, or I binge, or I don't do that workout, I will ask for support instead of running away from myself! You can't run from yourself. You can't blame life. I just love that you said hills and valleys. I need to ride this out. Thank you for reminding me about peace of mind.

I want to be special too! And for this moment I feel special because I am here. I purchased a pedometer on Amazon this morning. I have never really truly sparked. I think now it is time. :)Thanks. Enjoy your grandaughter and holiday weekend!

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HEALTHYGRAM123 5/28/2010 11:03AM

  Hi John! I am a 52 year old grandmother of 3 little girls. I am 5' 4", and weigh 195 lbs. I have Type 2 Diabetes, and am a smoker. When a friend told me about, I was feeling very overwhelmed with all that I had to do to become a healthy ME! In searching for support, I came across some of your postings. I want you to know that you have given me hope, motivation, and a sense that I may be able to do this. Starting on Tuesday, I will begin my program to a better life. I will be checking your site daily. I hope, knowing how much you are helping others ( obviously, I am not the only one ), helps you with YOUR motivation! Have a wonderful weekend with your family, and I look forward to Tuesday! Sincerely, Ruth

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GERIKRAGH 5/28/2010 10:58AM

    Right on again!

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/28/2010 10:46AM

    Thanks for sharing, John--I love to hear your voice and see your smiling face on your video blogs. I love that tenet; it's one I've written down to remind myself. Enjoy the long weekend with family (it's the best part of these holiday weekends, isn't it?) as well as the race, and keep pressing on with that C25K training!


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KATIEGLEN012 5/28/2010 9:52AM

    Have a wonderful, fun and love. How could it get any better?

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MARCYNA 5/28/2010 9:46AM

    Thanks John. To tell you the truth sometimes it was hard for me to understand your video blogs...I'm awfully out of practice and you know I'm not a I 've lost my patience with my collegue, who's been rude to me today.
But this time it was different: my listening today ' s been wonderfu l... plus I've made a committment not to lose my peace of mind for no reasons.
PS The TShirt you're wearing in the video is the EXACT color of the costume I'll be wearing for my dance show....hope you'll wear it next Friday.........I'm so sorry for the silly remark!!!!!

Comment edited on: 5/28/2010 9:48:37 AM

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BRYLIA 5/28/2010 9:34AM

    Have a great Memorial Day weekend... Enjoy good times with family especially that Granddaughter of yours and the race. Sounds like a fun filled weekend.

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    What a wonderful tenet to start the day with. I am going to promise myself this every morning--I bet it's really helpful with stress control!

Have a wonderful holiday weekend and enjoy the race!!

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EDWINA172 5/28/2010 8:29AM

    Have a wonderful weekend! Be safe.

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Thursday, May 27, 2010

I have learned a lot from my dad. I have been fortunate. The thing I will always remember most is this: “If you always tell the truth, you don’t have to ever remember what story to tell.”

Initially, I wanted this blog to be a bit of an apology for the minor meltdown I had yesterday over my medical snafu and going over my calorie limits. I was riding my bike earlier and the thought struck me that I have nothing to apologize for. Again, I learned a bit more about John.

Come close, Sparkies, I am not sure the whole world needs to hear this: “I found out I am not perfect.”

I found out that no matter how I try to convince myself otherwise there is still this bit of a desire, a need, call it whatever you like, to be perfect. Honestly, it was a bit shocking. I thought we had dealt with all that stuff. Apparently not. The residue of the diet mentality is not completely erased.

I think it goes deeper than that. I think you can change your body but unless you work equally hard on your mind and spirit then ultimately you end right back up where you started from. Trappergirl999 said it best the other day when she commented on one of my postings. She said”…….. Because if nothing changes, nothing changes.” Those words are ringing in my ears.

When I am perfect I am like the cool kids. I am not fat anymore I am skinny and lithe and move with grace. I have to be perfect to be equal because of the fact I am fat. It’s a flaw inside of me. That distorted thinking caused me to emotionally spiral yesterday. I am glad I did. I am glad I got a glimpse of what’s really going on inside of me.

I won’t lie. I learned a lot but I know that feeling isn’t going to vanish over night because it didn’t get there over night. It built up over the years of feeling insecure and out-of-place because of my weight. But at least I know.

“Yeah but John, you have accomplished so much in close to six months. You should be proud.” I am. I am proud and I am scared. Scared that I am going to wake up one day and all of this will unravel because I am not worthy to be happy and healthy.

So what do ya do?

You get up this morning and you ride your bike for thirty five minutes before it gets to hot out. You track your breakfast calories and keep in mind that you need to add a bit of protein to them. You slap yourself really hard when you start thinking “diet” and “failure.” You track your food and then you get ready to go do strength training followed by a one hour deep tissue massage because you really do deserve it………

You blog and you read the amazing support you get from those people who really do love you but are bound up by so much convention and appropriate dialogue and political correctness that they tell you they love you in code words and you ask yourself this question.

“Do I really want to waste all that energy on being perfect?”

No I dont

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATTYKLAVER 6/6/2010 4:53PM

    This was such an encouraging blog. Thank you.

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OBURRELL 6/2/2010 9:20AM

    I realized that today as well. I obsessed about eating perfectly and what I was going to eat each day. I kicked myself if I gave in and ate seconds...losing weight was becoming so stressful that body stopped losing weight! Once I started to let go and eat a small dessert and piece of candy every once in a while...the weight started to come off again and I feel so much better! Good job and keep doing it!

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KLONG8 6/1/2010 12:20AM

    Oh, this is the first blog of yours I've read. And boy, it's a good one. Thanks so much - perfectionism is our friend, that's for sure. And you put it all into perspective.

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RUMBARACH 5/31/2010 8:50PM

  Love reading your blogs! You speak our language--thank you!

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LINDABENEDICT 5/31/2010 8:45PM

    Great blog !!!

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LADY_KATHY 5/31/2010 5:44PM

    the truth makes life so much easier and less stressful wondering which lie you said to who. LOL

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ANNE-ELIZ 5/30/2010 11:08PM

    Yes, perfectionism is a big waste of time!

You can only be the best you possible at any given time and that's not perfect!!

You are completely lovable right now, exactly as you are.

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CAROLYNINJOY1 5/30/2010 3:00AM


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CINDYC53 5/28/2010 11:49PM

    Great Blog!! Thanks so much, John. We all share your feelings, so you spoke for all of us (again!) I have been feeling these things over my return to college, and my desire to get the A's I never worked hard enough to get when I was young. I fell short last week and all those old feelings bubbled up ("Try your best and you might just fail!") What I am learning is that trying my best is good enough, and I am only human so every day I may not be able to reach quite as far - and the important thing is moving forward one moment at a time. (Just as you described - the bike ride, the breakfast, and so forth -- that's how we make progress!) You are SO WORTH IT!! thanks again for sharing with all of us - cause we're all in it together!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SWEETNEENI 5/28/2010 9:35AM

    Another great blog! Remember: Progress not perfection!

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TEENY_BIKINI 5/28/2010 9:30AM

    Beautifully honest and truthful blog. Yes, telling the truth will get us far - all the way in the end, in fact. I have found that it is the key to everything. I have to be strong enough to face it and then battle [maybe over and over again]. Years of lying to myself is hard to overcome.

But I am here for the battle and I ain't leaving til I'm done, and probably not even then.

Battle on, bro. You are gonna make it. I just know it. XO

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BESTSUSIEYET 5/28/2010 8:53AM

    Hooray, John! I struggle with that urge to perfection, too -- I know I'm NOT perfect, but I try really hard not to let anyone ELSE know. But you know what??? They Already Know!!! So why do I still try to hide mistakes, bad choices, foolish ideas? Slowly I'm finding that people like 'imperfect me' even more than 'trying to be perfect me'. Let's Live and Learn and Share our lives with others!! Have a blessed day!

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TINK33 5/28/2010 8:00AM

    I absolutely loved this blog! I too suffer from perfectionism - about myself, about my kids, about everything. I am learning to accept myself - flaws and all and to stop "expecting" so much of those around me. I totally get what you're saying about trying to be perfect to fit in. The whole concept of "overcompensation" defines me to a t! Thank you again for your sage wisdom and for helping me to know that I'm not alone! Keep on keepin on John! I love your blogs!


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WANDAH3 5/28/2010 7:25AM

    Yep, I hear ya! Becoming healthy is not just about the's the mind and spirit too!

Have a wonderful day,

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JLUVSHIKIN 5/28/2010 3:21AM

    I really enjoyed your blog. Thank you for sharing.

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ANNSTOECKL 5/28/2010 1:53AM

    As usual, you said just what I needed to hear. Thank you for your honesty and thoughtfulness. Blessings, Ann

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HONORINGGOD 5/27/2010 11:50PM

    wow ,your a powerful writer . you struck a cord here as i'm dealing with the same issues even as you were struggling yesterday i knew just where you were ,been there done that got the shirt .lol does not fit any more ,because even though my scale don't move my clothes get baggier . i love it ,i thank GOD for my spark brothers & sisters. by the way you will be perfect some day "perfect in CHrist . just keep honoring him all the rest will come amen? emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/27/2010 11:56:25 PM

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DANCING4UJESUS 5/27/2010 11:30PM

    Thanks for your honesty and your transparency. The things you said are so true and it helped me to see some of the things I am wasting my energy on. God Bless you brother. Have a great weekend. emoticon emoticon

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2BEATIT1 5/27/2010 11:22PM

    I so enjoy your blogs.
As you commented on perfection, it made me realize once more that as long as we are in these mortal bodies, we cannot succeed at perfection.
I think of the Apostle Paul in the New Testament who talks of life as a race. When we race, we need to prepare ourselves and look to the goal.
Isn't that what we are are doing? We strive toward perfection, knowing that we can look forward to it when we meet our Lord, the perfect Son of God.
I am so glad God loves us just as we are and John He loves you just as you are.
God bless you
2BEATIT1 emoticon emoticon

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AZCUPCAKE 5/27/2010 8:19PM

    God knows we can't be perfect, and we wouldn't like being perfect if we WERE! Haha! And as for honesty -- it is a hard subject to get an "A" in if one has denied and lied to one's little old self for a very long time (the giant, neon finger is pointing at ME!). Personally, I would be happy earning myself a "B+" in Honesty! So all of this takes TIME. It is a PROCESS, as I have taken note from your wonderful blogs. I am learning that the definition of failure does NOT mean the same as DEATH. Failures are just little potholes or missteps on the road we have chosen to stick to on the way to SUCCESS! Failure is only when we give up. For good. Not just when we have a not-so-great day or two! What would life be like if every day was just vanilla-flavored with no ROCKY ROAD ever again anyway?!? emoticon

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CINDYMCD1 5/27/2010 6:42PM

    I am sorry you are not perfect! JUST KIDDING! You are doing well! Keep up the good work!:)

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KSGROTHE 5/27/2010 6:10PM

    You know, I didn't even think of your blog from yesterday as a "minor meltdown", and I certainly didn't think it was anything that might even remotely need apologizing for. But I do think I would have had trouble posting such a blog myself. I have trouble asking for help.

It's great that you learned something about yourself, and you're right that that feeling isn’t going to vanish over night. You're going in the right direction, though.

Keep up the good work! You're doing great and helping a lot of people along the way when you share your thoughts and feelings in your blog.

- Karen

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EDWINA172 5/27/2010 3:50PM

    We are not perfect. We are human. But gosh darn it, we try so hard to be perfect that we forget to live! Enjoy the process. Live. What you are doing is amazing. If you picture yourself on a long country road, see what you are going through as a little speed bump. Envision youself as a little turtle. What do you do? You keep on going. Why? Because that's the only way to get there. The road may be long and bumpy, but what other option do we have. I am so proud of you. Keep going. Keep us going.

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LOVEMYBOY64 5/27/2010 2:36PM

    The good thing about realizing you're not perfect is that you're not alone. We all try to be somebody we're not at some time or another & if we could just accept that we are not perfect & never will be, we could all relax a little & truly enjoy who we really are.
Thank you again for another awesome blog.

From one SP to another...I LOVE YA!!!
Keep it up!

Jolene emoticon emoticon

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TULIPCHICK91 5/27/2010 12:51PM

    Thanks for another insightful blog! There is so much freedom when we learn to accept our imperfections but it takes a while to unlearn the "perfectionism doctrine" that abounds in our culture. Sorry that you had a rough day! I'm glad that you learned something about yourself that will help you to have long-term success. Keep up the good work!

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LESSOFJEN 5/27/2010 12:43PM

    emoticon why do we all strive for perfection?! take a deep breath, let it out...whew enjoy where you are right now, we all think once we hit a certain weight or have certain amount of money things will automatically fall into doesn't work that way...enjoy where you are right now, you are worth it!

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JENNY888 5/27/2010 12:35PM

    I think we all find ourselves wanting to be perfect and experience the disappointment when we find we really aren't. The perfect thing to do, though, is to do just what you are doing. Learn from the experience and get right back up and try again. It is easy to get frustrated like this when one is making such great progress. The natural feeling is you want to sprint to the finish line when all you need to do is keep taking steps to get there and you will get there much healthier.

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GERIKRAGH 5/27/2010 12:20PM

    Another good blog!

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THAMLEY 5/27/2010 12:13PM

    Hi John, I haven't been around in a few months--lot's of family and job distractions. I rededicated myself back to SP a few days ago and am bound and determined to get this job done once and for all. It is really enlightening and encouraging to see how far you've come. Yeah, I've constantly struggled with the same obstacles. We are not perfect, but we are GREAT! Learning to love ourselves promotes the excellence we deserve. Thanks for sharing your deepest emotions, look forward to seeing you around the site. One day at a time! Take care, Sparkling T.

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/27/2010 11:29AM

    We NEED days like that, John, in order to face the things inside that got us to where we are (or were). You are right, you have nothing to apologize for--and you are not perfect, you are human. Hurray!

I don't know about you, but I know that I didn't put on this wall of weight overnight, I built it up, ounce by ounce, pound by pound, over the years of feeling insecure, unsafe, as a way to hide the real 'me' I didn't think anyone would accept if they found out who I really was. It is *relatively* easy to take the weight off (less calories, more movement usually equals weight loss); it is much harder to get rid of the emotional baggage that caused me to put it on, and unless I do that, I will eventually find myself right back behind the wall again.

Thanks for your honesty and openness. You share your struggles with us all in a way that helps us face our own battles a little more bravely and keep getting on the bike or the trail again one more day.


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ALLISON145 5/27/2010 10:45AM

I have to admit I'm still in the phase of my journey where I'm more likely to beat myself up and write the day off if a meal doesn't go well than to pick up, adjust, and move forward. I'm slowly starting to really believe that it IS a phase, and that this too shall pass. I've been struggling this week to get back into my calorie range and get back on the exercise wagon, and while I haven't been perfect I am definitely making progress. I just have to keep telling myself that that's good enough. (Right as I typed that the little voice in my head said, "No it isn't." /sigh..)

Let's keep on fighting the good fight - we can do this together!


Comment edited on: 5/27/2010 10:46:09 AM

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DOCYJK 5/27/2010 10:27AM

    I think we all share your same feelings - wanting or needing to be perfect and beating ourselves up when we feel we are not. That may be at the base of why we all struggle with our body image and as an ancillary, our weight. Some days we just need to remember to put one foot in front of the other, do the little things, and shut off the noisy negative voice. Thanks for the great reminder!!! Hugs - Yvonne

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CMBELISLE 5/27/2010 10:23AM

    Nobody's perfect - it's something I've heard my whole life and it really is true.

I just saw your blog about your BP. Speaking from the hubby's experiences, the sudden drop in the BP can make you a little light-headed in the morning and I like that your doctor lowered your dosages - that's actually one thing I would have suggested - talking to the doc about it.

As for not getting enough food, that's possible too - you can adjust your weekly cardio on the same page where you adjust your current weight after you've lost 10 pounds. If you've increased your cardio enough, you really might not be getting enough to eat. Also, protein with breakfast is a REALLY good idea. It doesn't take much, but it does help - I usually have one serving of protein (like the morningstar veggie links) and a glass of milk, which gives me somewhere between 17 and 19 grams of protein. It really makes a difference in how hungry I get by snack time.

Keep up the great work and don't worry about your meltdown - we all have them from time to time.

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JUDIL62 5/27/2010 9:43AM


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ROCKINFOX 5/27/2010 9:13AM

    Great blog John!! I do sometimes wonder why I have to feel like I need to be perfect, even though I know we are not perfect. We just have to keep at it and never give up.

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CAHUNO2 5/27/2010 9:10AM

    Glad I found your blog today John. I too had a very bad day yesterday. I'm not sure why - still working on it but you have given me lots to think about and I am now going to go exercise. emoticon I think I will be thinking over what you said for a long time! emoticon

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SAPPHIRE983 5/27/2010 9:06AM

    You dug very deep about the issues that many people face (including me) during their stages of dieting and exercising. Thank you for bringing up this very interesting and important point.

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WISEONE68 5/27/2010 9:00AM

    You know, we can never lose when we learn a lesson...

I hated losing a game or contest when I was little! I was what they called a "sore loser." emoticon I was spoiled, yes. But, what I most wanted was the accolades, the cheers, and the "perfection."

Well, that gets us pretty much SICK. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually...SICK!! We cannot be perfect (Christians know that we strive for the perfection we see in Christ--but, without His perfect sacrifice, WE cannot be perfect!). What I learned from a coach was how I started this comment...we never lose if we learn the lesson.

There is a lesson in every "loss"--practice harder next time, study harder, get the right equipment, let yourself have fun...So many lessons to be learned. I was told, if you don't learn the lesson, then you are BOUND to revisit the same "loss."

Well, I learned MANY lessons from losing--and then I learned many lessons WHILE I was losing (weight, that is). We are not perfect--we should not expect perfection--and, I really don't like people who think they are perfect anyway emoticon!!

Lesson learned...move on down the road to the next challenge, contest, race, etc. YOU are better for the lesson learned and remember--we don't ALWAYS have to win...for there to be a winner, there is a loser (but, sometimes, the loser gains more wisdom, faith, endurance, and fortitude!!).

Be well, happy and safe, Friend!! (NOTE: your blogs are GREAT!!)


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    I can be a perfectionist and have to constantly remind myself that I DON'T have to be and that the added pressure only gets me back to where I DON'T want to be! emoticon on acknowledging where you're at and letting go of the perfectionism that wants to be a cling-on!

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TOOKES519 5/27/2010 8:55AM


The one thing that I keep trying to tell myself is that if I were perfect I wouldn't of found all of my Spark friends. Not one of us are perfect, if we were we would all lead pretty boring lives.

The good thing John about your breakdown is that you got right back up again and you should be absolutely proud of yourself!!!! It's not easy to always pick yourself up, but you did and very quickly I might add.

Have a wonderful day,

Kristi emoticon

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SANDYK4BAMA 5/27/2010 8:52AM

    Oh yeah, and BTW, I LOVE you! You and your philosophizing make many days bearable for me!

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SANDYK4BAMA 5/27/2010 8:51AM

    Thanks 4 that John. I struggling with the same issue big time today!

HEre's my mantra for the day from Sugarland:

Sugarland's Stand Back Up: Lyrics as follows. Boy did I need this today!

"Stand Back Up"

Go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,
I may stumble, yeah I might fall,
I'm only human but aren't we all?
I might lose my way, but hear me when I say,

I will stand back up,
You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid, and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

I've been beaten up and bruised,
I've been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than you'd believe,
When the darkness tries to get me,
There's a light that just won't let me,
It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,
But I'll stand back up,

I've weathered all these storms,
But I just turn them into wind, so I can fly,
What don't kill you makes you stronger,
When I take my last breath,
That's when I'll just give up,

So, go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
You might win this round but you can't keep me down,

'Cause I'll stand back up,
And you'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up.

{Thank you Sugarland. }

We will just STAND BACK UP!!!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 5/27/2010 8:46AM

    Way to go John! Walking thru this with you helps me immensely. thank you for sharing your progress, trial and errors with all of us. It's fun to watch you figure it out and teach us all something along the way.


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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/27/2010 8:45AM

  great blog...i still am unraveling all these needs to be seen as being perfect. It is a difficult job taking off all these layers of misconception my mother taught me. It dawned on me the other day. SHE LIED TO ME. She told herself it was to protect me from the pain of the world. It was not. It was to protect herself. I am learning that it is ok to be imperfect. That no one is expecting anything more. I can be closer to people by showing my true self than showing them someone who is so perfect that can't relate to. You are perfect John. Perfectly imperfect....and you have so many friends because of it

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JUST_TRI_IT 5/27/2010 8:43AM

    I wonder if trying to be perfect is really a "flaw"? You got me thinking about why we even think this is negative and then beat ourselves up for trying to improve on today's version of ourselves.

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BAM0827 5/27/2010 8:42AM

    When I first started this journey, I was very diligent about calories. About 5 months into it I basically forced myself to go over my calorie limit (by a lot, not just by 100) just to release some of that control. I needed to know that going over one day isn't the end all and be all of a healthy life. It was very hard to do but I did it. In the end it was freeing.

Days like I had and you had yesterday are just as important as the "perfect" days. They teach us a lot... if nothing else, that we're human and that's OK. (I always say, I haven't seen anyone walk on water yet - therefore, we're not perfect)

Have a great Thursday!

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DOLLBABE56 5/27/2010 8:36AM

    Dear, dear John. I still have many days where I deal with diet mentality, but I am getting better with it. It is a fight that we can all win. We have to realize that we are human. We are not perfect. Now if we can keep that close to us I know we will be alright and successful.

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Help Please: C25K, Blood Pressure, Diet............. I Am Really Lost

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I need some advice because I feel as if I am being pulled in about ten different directions.

Let me set the scene for you:

I have lost close to seventy pounds in a little over five months. I suffer from hypertension and have been on medication for over three years. A lot of it had to do with weight and hereditary factors. I have been exercising regularly, about 45 to 60 minutes of cardio per day. Three weeks ago I added the C25K training podcast because I would like to run a 5K one day. A week ago I added strength training three times per week.

The past few mornings, after taking my blood pressure medication I have felt like I have vertigo. It’s more annoying than anything. This morning, before I exercised, I felt really light headed. I asked the nurse at my gym to take my blood pressure and it was 100/60. That’s low for me. With medication it usually runs 120/90. I didn’t work out, instead I walked across the parking lot to my doctors office and talked to her. She adjusted my blood pressure meds but told me that my blood pressure was still within normal limits.

My son, who runs half marathons, told me that since I have been trying to run the past few weeks that training is lowering my blood pressure naturally. My wife suggested that I am not eating enough since I ramped up my activity levels. I usually stay within my calorie levels but at the low end.

Help guys!!! My doctor smiled and told me it was a good thing that we needed to lower my medication. Am I exercising too much, not eating enough? I’m lost.

Guidance please

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOLLIE6 5/31/2010 4:43PM

    I hope you find the answers you need. My friend lost 10 pounds and had to get off her blood pressure medicine. I also know that weight lifting does a number on your body and you have to have enough calories. I eat a few nuts after weight lifting to stop the shakes and get my energy back. Do you have a nutritionist you can talk to? I've been real disappointed in doctors knowing about weight loss, they are kind of vague.

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ANNE-ELIZ 5/30/2010 10:54PM

    Sounds like the last thing you need is more advice! emoticon

You got yourself to the doctor and you're looking into the medication angle; you'll likely be looking at your calorie intake. It will just take some time to reach equilibrium.

Balance is symbolized by scales which waver from one side to the other until they come to rest at the balance point.

That's not advice; just an observation.


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MARCYNA 5/30/2010 2:19PM

    Thant's wonderful John...your body simply finding a new balance and healing by itself...
I'm sure your doctur simply will adjust drugs and maybe you'll end up not using them anynmore.
I'm so glad for you. emoticon emoticon

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FOREVER4ME 5/29/2010 1:06AM

    Great News....I've lost nearly 50 lbs and I have been off BP medication for over a year now. I check it regularly at home and it's in line 120/80 or lower.113/65 so keep doing what you are doing and possibly you could be meds free as well.
Praise the Lord. Our God is good.

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PUCCIOLA08 5/28/2010 6:06PM

    I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you on that one but I love you are doing the C25K, I tried doing it 2 years ago and failed. I'm horrible at running, I get so winded and takes me forever to catch my breath after a quarter of a block of running. any advice? feel better! emoticon

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AKATUJE 5/27/2010 5:26AM

    I really have no advice to give, but i pray, in agreement with WALKINLOVE, that you will be well soon. I think your body is going through adjustments, and I pray that you will have the wisdom to figure out what needs to be done, and then the courage to do it. Get well soon!!!

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PRINCESSNURSE 5/27/2010 4:57AM

    My educated guess is you need your meds lowered...(Hurray!) Go see you MD.

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CHERIRIDDELL 5/26/2010 11:14PM

    My husband is a soldier with herediatary blood pressure issues , he obviously runs lots and they told him to eat a banana for potassium .You may need to lower your meds as your weight descends and your muscle mass increases though obviously the doctor is the right one to see for that.I think congratulations are in order the weight loss means they have to tinker with your meds but you are going in the right direction , since it is a hereditary issue you may still need to keep an eye on the blood pressure but there is no reason why you can't run, my husband just ran 26 miles and is deploying to Afghanistan so just listen to your doctor and keep up the good work and all will be well for you!

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DUTCHIEKIWI 5/26/2010 10:56PM


John, check in the tools here, to see how many calories you should be taking.
Maybe the situation has changed already...

don't reach for the mars barthough hey !?!! ;0)


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DUTCHIEKIWI 5/26/2010 10:54PM

    Hi there John,

I think it's wondeful news, as it means you are doing everything right and your body is starting to heal itself from the high blood pressure.
You are getting healthier evey day my friend!!!!

Lowering the meds is great news, and I'm certain you are on your way to NO MEDS at all!!

Keep a regular check on the blood pressure, here you can walk in the local pharmacy and someone will measure your blood pressure at often as you want and give you your own little chart card to keep a check.

Try just with lowering the meds first before you bump up the calories... even for a week and that should give you a good picture.

Keep it up, you're a machine!!

Love ya!



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HAWAIILINDA 5/26/2010 10:35PM

    Good for you for going straight to your doctor! I hope this resolves soon, sounds like your body is going through many adjustments.

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LIVINTODAY 5/26/2010 10:34PM

    I had similar symptoms when I started losing weight and exercising and now I am on no blood pressure medications after taking lisinopril for 10 years. I think you just didn't start lowering your meds quite soon enough. You'll be fine; keep making good food choices and exercising but consider that you may need to eat a little more. It might also be a good idea to monitor your blood pressure daily for a few days when you are making a big change in your exercise levels.

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TINKERBELL200 5/26/2010 10:18PM

    John, lowering your meds was the right choice. Also, Joan could be right too. Maybe you need to bump up your calories. With all the added exercise have you adjusted your calories on your nutrition page. You should do that periodically anyway with the weight loss. Sparks says for every 10-15 pound weight loss I believe. If your BP goes below 90/40, that's low. I work in a cardiologist office and I have had the same symptoms as you, and was told perhaps with the weight loss and exercise I should reduce my medication too. Also, that if your body is use to a certain BP, yours being 120/90, when it falls lower you can be symptomatic. So listen to your doctor and Joan. Maybe your glucose has gone low also from not enough calories, with the amount of exercise you are doing. Start with the med reduction, and redo your nutrition page and play it by ear, see if this works. And of course continue to take it up with your doctor if the symptoms persist.

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COLT2008 5/26/2010 9:54PM

    There's alot of good advice here, lower your blood pressure meds is probably the right course as well as checking to see where are your calories coming from and are you eating them throughout the day instead of 1 or 2 meals.

(I'm not a medical professional in any way, but these were things that had helped my husband as he started getting more active after his strokes.)

Good luck!

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GEEMAWEST 5/26/2010 9:43PM

    Yep, listen to the Dr. and double check your calorie range to make sure you are getting enough calories. Also, make sure they are the right kind of calories. There is a big difference whether or not you are eating protein, carbs, fruits, etc. Keep up the good work and work closely with your Dr. You're doing great!!

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WALKNLOVE 5/26/2010 6:41PM

    I will take a different approach...I have no idea what is causing your dizziness, but i do know the name of an awesome doctor.He is really in the healing business.He is amazing because He gives the most amazing tidbits of wisdom to all who ask.His services are free and he gives generously.He believes in the power of prayer and is ready to help all who seek him for help.His name is Jesus Christ and by his stripes you are healed.So, right now, Father God, in the name of Jesus, I command this vertigo to leave my brother in the name of Jesus.Thank you that were two or more of us are gathered in your name, we can ask anything in your name, and you will do it. Thank you that we can pray believing & receiving that we have what we ask for. I give your praise & glory for his healing.In Jesus mighty name I pray, Amen! emoticon

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DIASTER 5/26/2010 6:10PM

  You have been offered some great advice, just wanted to add listen to your doc. do believe you are on your way of getting off the bp. meds.What you are saving on the meds. you will be able to put towards your new clothes.
Gread job.

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HAPPYPATTY1 5/26/2010 5:05PM

    My husband was on meds for high blood pressure and vertigo was the signal to the doc that it was time to lower his prescription... the doctor used it as a barometer.

That said, I also have naturally low BP (90/60), and get dizzy sometimes... just the nature of being SUPER lucky!

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IMJUSTDUCKIE 5/26/2010 3:26PM

    I'd wait before continuing to worry... Maybe w/the adjustment of meds, the problem will be fixed?! I would also make sure that you eat something w/in an hour after you work out (your body will still be buring off cals during that time anyway) and keep hydrated, regardless. I would def. see my dr. again if you are still having issues after she's adjusted the meds.

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JUNEBUG4967 5/26/2010 2:51PM

    Lots of good advice here that I will second, third etc. Great work so keep it up! Just be sure you continue to monitor what's going on and keep your dr. up to date on everything. I think it's great you are able to reduce some of your med.

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ELYMWX 5/26/2010 2:47PM

    Disclaimer: I'm neither a doctor nor do I suffer from hypertension.

I'm thinking that it's a very good thing that your doctor is right across the parking lot from your gym, and that it's an awesome thing you went to talk to her immediately. Lowering your medication is a good thing and shows that your hard work losing 70 pounds is paying off in spades; give yourself a week or so of a bit less cardio with the lower meds to let your body adjust, and then ramp it up slowly, and check back in with your doctor a week after that. Also, please make sure that you're eating enough - the difference of even a couple hundred calories spread out through the day (some fruit, a protein bar, an egg, or maybe even a piece of cheese) can make a world of difference to how you feel during exercise.

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FUZZY1TOO 5/26/2010 2:11PM

    My instinct is telling me that you need to add a snack to your daily intake. Maybe go up 100 calories and see how that helps. If you are at the lower end of your range, maybe your activity level dictates that you go up to mid-range and see how that goes.

Good luck!

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JOHNSEYMOUR 5/26/2010 1:44PM

    I'm no expert but life is full of problems so why not have a good problem. Your BP appears to be getting lower based on good eating, healthy excercies and more. I would guess your a bit low on sugar.

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    You are doing great. I had to have my BP meds adjusted a lot. Went down from 3 to 1. Drink lots of fluids.

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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/26/2010 1:10PM

  this is a good thing John.. it means your blood pressure is coming down with your good eating habits and exercise. It is possible to get to the place where you wont need as much medicine as before. I have even heard of people not needing any meds after reaching their goal weight..perhaps you need to keep track of your blood pressure on constant basis with your Dr. so she can make the adjustments you need. Take it easy and dont over do but dont stop because this is just a sign that you are on the right track.This is a cause for celebration, you are doing great. I am on meds and done alot of reading on this, most of my info comes from Prevention magazine..

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STORMTMB 5/26/2010 12:33PM

    John, I'm going to take a different angle on this because of my background. I'm not saying you're diabetic, but I'm wondering if your body is reacting to the blood sugar that it doesn't have.

You didn't mention when you eat breakfast. Do you eat before you work out? As a diabetic, I check my blood sugar first thing in the morning before I eat then 2 hours later. Exercise can lower your glucose, sometimes a lot. If you are eating before, you may need to add a little more protein and/or a little more carbs to get the energy to do the extra exercising that you're doing. When my blood sugar goes low, I get weak and shaky and light-headed.

I'm wondering if the blood pressure meds aren't the problem, it's that your body needs more food or perhaps more before exercise or even a snack before bed to keep your sugar from going so low during the night.

Whatever it is, I hope you get it figured out with your doctor.
Just a thought.

Comment edited on: 5/26/2010 12:34:17 PM

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/26/2010 12:10PM

    You've already gotten good advice from others, I'm just going to echo what has been said. You may need to take it a little easy on the exercise for a few days (listen to your body--yeah, novel concept, I know!) while your body adjusts to the new medication levels. Adding some extra calories to bring you more in the middle of your range is probably wise, too.

Your doctor is right--it's a GOOD thing that you need to lower your blood pressure meds, you very likely will be able to come off them entirely eventually.

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DOCYJK 5/26/2010 12:02PM

    It's great that you're adding all of this additional exercise! I too have had a similar experience, and my MD said that between the weight loss and all of the exercise I was doing, I was lowering my blood pressure, and then my med was trying to lower it even more. I was feeling dizzy, particularly after I worked out. Reducing the dosage helped a lot. (My goal is to get off of it completely!) Give yourself a few days of lighter workouts until your body adjusts to the new dosing level, but don't stop working out entirely! Just less intensity. Best of luck!

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JENNY888 5/26/2010 12:00PM

    I am glad you saw your doctor about the problem. I would imagine it was due to not needing as much BP meds. It may take awhile for your body to adjust to the new meds or your doctor may reduce them again. I would let things stabalize before making other major changes. Eating a little more within your range would not hurt but I would not make too many changes until you see the effects of the new med level. Congratulations on getting your meds reduced. Great work!

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BAM0827 5/26/2010 11:51AM

    You are probably burning a lot of calories, even before you started to incorporate some running. I would make sure that you have updated your fitness tracker with approx calories burned to get an more accurate calorie range. Maybe eat more in the range that is suggested and not stick at the lower end. 300 more calories every couple of days isn't a bad thing. In fact, having your body guess at how many calories it may be getting (by eating in a range) is usually a good thing. Many people have much success on calorie cycling.

It doesn't seem like your doctor is very concerned. Maybe do less intense cardio for a couple of days until your meds have a chance to adjust in your system.

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NBJAGGAL 5/26/2010 11:49AM

    I too am not a doctor or an expert on this but I feel it is good that he lowered your meds as a possible first step to WEANING you off cant just stop cold with BP is my guess that because of your incredible hard work and weight loss you will eventually be either on a very low dosage or be off them completely which would be great. I would talk to the doctor about a goal of coming off the least for a few months to see if your new fit condition is permanent.....but thats me..I dont like meds and think most people are just put on them first before they try lifestyle changes which is the healthier alternative......take blood pressure each morning when u first get up with a monitor at home and track on SP....see the pattern.

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KOPSBABY 5/26/2010 11:41AM

    I'm not a doctor by any means but I have heard other people talk about this and once they lost the weight, they either could lower their medicine or do without it. You probably could stand to eat a little more too since you are doing all this exercise.

Keep it up, you motivate so many people, including me.

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MAMADONNA57 5/26/2010 11:40AM

    You are just seeing the natural consequences of all your hard work! That's awesome! You're watching it, you've been to the doctor and everything checks out, so just keep doing what your doing knowing that this is just another sign, a very terrific sign, that you are getting healthier! The light headedness will probably stabilize as your body adjust to the lower meds, so in the mean time just slow down a bit when that hits, otherwise just keep doing what your doing to create a new smaller healthier John! Congrats! emoticon

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MOMGABE 5/26/2010 11:39AM

    Well, my first piece of advice is to talk to your doctor but you've already done that. Plus she lowered your blood pressure meds. Congrats!!! Personally, I would listen to your wife. She has lived with you a lot of years and is probably right that you are not eating enough. Have you changed your calorie burn on your fitness tracker? That will affect your Spark people calorie range. Maybe it is just as simple as eating at the top end of your range rather than the bottom end. Anyway, that's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

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SUNSHYNDREAMER 5/26/2010 11:39AM

    I am not expert by any means, but it sounds like you have been making some good life changes. Changes that I am just starting myself, I just started a c25k program yesterday.

I don't have and advice about the blood pressure but you did see your doctor which is always a good place to start with these issues. I would see if it makes any difference once your body adjust to the new dosage of medication. It may be that all that hard work is just paying off. If it continues to happen then call your doctor again, but in the meantime just take it one day at a time and keep track of how you feel until your body adjusts.

Good luck!

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Heroes……… Like You

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Sometimes the written word isn’t adequate. Some days I sit at my keyboard and I want to express an emotion or a thought and I just don’t have a human word or sentence for it. I suspect that’s how God’s love is for us, so wonderful, awesome and unconditional that there are no words for it.

I do believe in heroes. I believe they are the everyday people like me and you who make a decision to be healthy, to be happy and to be successful. We are are never on the cover of People or the stars in a reality show. Mostly, our lives are our own reality shows, except we don’t get to hawk our own line of clothing or get paid a boat load of money when we find a pimple on our fore heads.

No, you and I are the people who get up each day and face our lives. Whether the day has been good or bad, we go to bed knowing it’s going to be there waiting for us the next morning when we wake up. That’s what makes us heroes. It is our ability to persevere and to triumph over all the adversity we face on a day-to-day basis.

We have rent and mortgages and sick kids and teenagers with issues and spouses and jobs that suddenly aren’t there one day. We sit and stare out the window and we wonder how we are going to make it another day. But we do.

We choose to be healthy. We don’t always get it right, but when we do get it, well it sticks. We drag ourselves off the couch and we walk, or we run or we cycle or we Wii-Fit it when we’d rather curl up and forget about all this nonsense.
We read about healthy alternatives to the stuff we been putting in our bodies for years and we scour the produce section of our groceries for new treats. Yes, we lie in bed at night thinking about that four layer lemon crème cake with the lemon butter cream icing, but we never eat it.

We are human. We have scars to show and truth be known, most of us try to hide them rather than show them off. We write blogs, read blogs, comment on blogs, encourage each other and get really worried when we see our progress isn’t what everyone else’s is.

Somehow we move forward. There is a “Spark” inside of us that pushes us to be the true definition of hero. We keep at it and keep at it until we get it right and when we do then we smile a most satisfying smile and move on to our next challenge. We are a great and noble people who are not smug in our victories. No, not us. We share those victories by encouraging other people and telling them “You can do it!!!” They are the people whose support and encouragement has me training to run a 5K when I never thought I could walk more than five feet.

We tend to shun the heroic because when we compare ourselves to those comic books type heroes we will never live up to their performance and frankly it’s futile to try. That type of heroism isn’t real. Ours is.

My heroes reside within this web site. They are people just like me. They are you. Those heroes write to me and encourage me and seem to know when to send me a Spark Mail that says “You been awfully quiet today. Is everything okay?”

Why did I write this? I read so much of what you write, whether it is to me personally or your own thoughts in a blog or on your Spark page. I read how frustrated you get and how you wish things would change, but I notice that you are back every day, making an effort to get it right. That’s why you’re a hero. It’s not because of all the weight you lost or the races you have run or the awards you have collected. Those are amazingly cool things but……………. You are my heroes because there is blood on every ounce and inch you have lost. There is a blister on every toe and a callus on every heel for every mile you have walked or run. Victory is an outcome and victory doesn’t make heroes. Hard work and perseverance does.

Sometimes I am not sure I have the right words to express what I feel, but I keep coming back until I get it right.

Just like you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PUCCIOLA08 5/28/2010 6:10PM

    When I was about 14 years old, I lost about 14 lbs with some mild "kid" dieting (eating less of whatever mom made, haha) and a friend told me that i was "her hero". I will never forget that, ever, even though I am now going towards 23 years old and the girl and I have fallen out of touch. I was someones hero for a few moments. I want to be like that again someday. emoticon

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SWEETNEENI 5/28/2010 9:42AM

    Wow. Powerful stuff. And every bit of how I feel about you and others on Sparkpeople. Well said!

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CHERIRIDDELL 5/26/2010 11:31PM

    AS David Bowie said "We can beat them forever and ever,Oh we can be heroes just for one day.We can be us fir just one day"This was an inspiring blog I like everyday heroes!

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MYRNACARRIER 5/26/2010 6:16PM

    The words that touched me: "Victory is an outcome and victory doesn't make heroes. Hard work and perseverance does". Thank you. This expresses it all.

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FUZZY1TOO 5/26/2010 2:08PM

    Well, you know what they say. . . It takes one to know one! Thanks for your encouraging words. We all appreciate them, and you, more than you know.

Heroes beget heroes. Never forget that you are a hero, too. Especially to your family.


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JENNY888 5/26/2010 12:30PM

    This is a beautiful blog. I wonder though if you might not show up on the cover of People magazine with all the weight you are losing. Thanks for being a hero for all of us.

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AZCUPCAKE 5/26/2010 11:19AM

    Those "life issues" sure do have a way of obstructing our success in all kinds of dimensions! However, we DO have control over our health and the thoughts we think. Much like computer development technology, the old saying, 'Garbage In, Garbage Out' applies to our bodies and minds, too. Thanks for a great mood-lifter for this Wednesday, John! emoticon emoticon

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CARLOTACOX 5/26/2010 11:17AM

    I'm feeling better already!!! emoticon

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GERIKRAGH 5/26/2010 10:48AM

    And U are Ur blogs are my hero! Thanx!

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MYOWNHERO 5/26/2010 10:36AM

    All that's missing is the "Supersuit"

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/26/2010 9:59AM

    Well said! I look forward to reading your blogs because you express so well what I'm feeling. Thank you! emoticon

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CMBELISLE 5/26/2010 9:27AM

    Thanks John - you're a hero too!

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DOCYJK 5/26/2010 9:14AM

    Thansk for inspiring me this morning! You have a real gift for saying the right things we all need to hear!!!

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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/26/2010 8:45AM

  it is people like you to make it easy to believe in heroes

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WISEONE68 5/26/2010 8:44AM

    My hero...

You make me want to go out and buy my cape now!! Thanks for the reminder of "everyday heroes"...Yes, we do exist and we do all that is in your blog...

And, what I love is that we are allowed to screw up and be wrong (like Rule #51---"Sometimes, I am wrong")!!!

Way to go on the blog...your words are meaningful!!


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TINK33 5/26/2010 8:41AM

    Every day, I look forward to reading your blog. :) You are truly a gift to so many of us. You, too, are a hero, so I want to thank you. Thank you for taking time every day to write, to inspire, to teach, to love, to encourage, to grow, to support and to be a wonderful spark friend!

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MARCYNA 5/26/2010 8:36AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DOLLBABE56 5/26/2010 8:36AM

    Another good blog John. Sometimes we just don't realize how special we all are.

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Seeing Things You Didn't Realize Were There Part Two or Dealing With Things You Haven’t Dealt With

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I have clothes that no longer fit me . They are too big. It feels good to be able to say that. I went out and got some new clothes. Remember I’m a guy so this whole trip took about an hour. Khaki pants, black pants and gray pants with shirts to match. My new clothes were snug a month ago and now they are loose.

Joan eyed me up when we got ready for church the other night and said. “I guess we will have to replace those clothes soon too.”

She looked in my closet and said “I thought you got rid of the clothes that didn’t fit? When Katie went to the shelter with her stuff I thought she was taking yours?”
I just shrugged and we went to church. It bothered me, those clothes just hanging there. My “fat clothes.” Katie asked me if I should take them and I told her no. I’d take them myself. I see them every day when I get dressed in the morning.
It dawned on me last night, after thinking about all the progress I made, I was getting into new territory here. I am hanging on to those old clothes because I am afraid to be skinny.

See, I know fat. I have been that way for gosh at least fifteen years, maybe more. I have been carrying this cargo around for so darned long that I can’t remember how darned long I have been carrying it around. I do not know skinny and healthy. Those clothes are my safety net. You know, for when I regain all the weight I lost. I’ll have clothes to fit. I have an “out.” Pretty messed up thinking, huh?

In our hope chest, at the foot of our bed is a copy of Rolling Stone Magazine from 1980. It’s not a commemorative issue or anything. It has an interview with Tom Petty. I like Tom Petty but he’s not one of my all time fav’s or anything I like that. I kept the magazine because of something he said. Thirty years later, it all made sense.
When asked what made him so successful Petty said when he was twelve he sold his prized possessions. He took the money he earned from selling those things and purchased a guitar. He was going to be a great musician and he would let nothing stand in his way. He left himself nothing to fall back on he said. If he had something to fall back on he felt he would. The rest as they say is history.

I’ve kept that magazine all these years because I have always been inspired by Petty’s story. Yesterday it made sense. As long as I hang on to those old “fat clothes” I have an excuse. I have something to fall back on. I may reach my goal but I won’t stay there or maybe I’ll give up because my old life style is calling me back. With my safety net I don’t have to put it all out there. I can hedge my bets a bit, just in case.

Talk about your major epiphany moments. I’ll admit my first feeling wasn’t a pleasant one at all. It was a bit of shame and a bit of embarrassment and a lot of “Oh My Goodness’s.” It reminded me of the poster I saw once that read “We have met the enemy and they are us!!!”

Those negative feelings were quickly replaced by an enlightened one. “Move forward, cut the ties, and oh yeah while you are at it John, start learning to deal with some of this stuff or we may have to give you an award for best actor in a dramatic role.”

The clothes are only a symbol of my fear to move forward. I wish I could get rid of that fear simply by removing my old clothes. I know it’s not all that easy. But it’s a step in the right direction.

It’s really my attitude, you know. I have made so many positive changes recently and I should be excited about what’s around the bend. I think I’ll throw that old attitude in the box with all my old clothes.

This may not seem like the most inspirational blog in the world to you reading it, but when I realized how much I was hanging on to my past, it made perfect sense to me!!!

Yeah I know “fat.”

I’m discovering “skinny.”

You are cordially invited to join me

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEANBYDESIGN 5/30/2010 9:29AM

    Fabulous John, and so, so right!

I finally got rid of my "fat" clothes about 2 years into my journey, and I have to tell you, not having those clothes to fall back on keeps me moving... it's awfully hard to ignore a gain of more than like 5lbs if you don't have the clothes to accomodate them!

Thanks for saying this so well!

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ANNE-ELIZ 5/29/2010 1:10AM

    "There must be a lot of that going around" My blog yesterday was about old patterns reappearing in different ways.

Thank you for your take on this - the difficulty in integrating our new appearance into our self image and being able to depend on its stability.

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SWEETNEENI 5/28/2010 9:38AM

    emoticon Love that Petty story!

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DEEBLUM1 5/28/2010 5:55AM

    I have a range of sizes in my full cupboard and nothing to wear! I'm going to clear it out this weekend! Thanks!

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KISSATESSA 5/27/2010 8:10PM

  Well said. Good for you. I have never really known "fat", I've never been more than maybe 10 pounds overweight but it seems like you've had to accept a lot about yourself. I do understand about the clothes though, I have clothing in about 3 sizes and never truly want to get rid of the ones not my current size "just in case". I really should re-evaluate them and either get rid of them or have them altered to fit me properly if possible. Thanks for your thoughts and words.

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RED_WRITINGHOOD 5/27/2010 6:41PM

    this is definitely an inspirational blog! I think that is wonderful that it all came to light for you like that... and I know you will get comfortable with skinny because you are on your way to reaching it. It feels wonderful to have to buy new clothes because the old are way to big!! I was fat for a long time and when I lost 40 lbs a few years ago I gave everything away! It was very liberating... I'm sure you felt the same way!

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GIRANIMAL 5/27/2010 3:16PM

    Oh, I am so glad you got it! Hanging onto fat clothes is hanging onto the former version of you. And while old John was most certainly sweet and kind and other such admirable qualities, new John is all those things PLUS healthier.

I waited a long time to get my first new less-fat clothes. So long, in fact, that I went from a 14 straight to a 10! I was afraid to try on new stuff for fear all the draping was just my jeans stretching out or whatever, not real weight loss. Talk about messed up thinking! And even though those 10s were very suddenly falling off, I was terrified all the 8s would not fit when I got them home! (I shop at a thrift store that does not allow you try on or return -- gutsy for a morphing gal!)

This past weekend I bought a bunch of new size 8 pants! And nearly all those old clothes are already in a bag awaiting my next trip to thrift store.

It's scary, but you really do have to look only forward. You WILL fit back into those clothes if you leave them around as an option. Your only option should be skinny, healthy John!

I'm so proud of you. This is a major step. And you rocked it all on your own!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WIGIME 5/27/2010 7:37AM

    Excellent point John, I think I am in the same situation as you are. with the long weekend coming up, you have inspired me to clean our the closet and drawers of those bigger clothes.

Yes, it's a good thing, but at the same time it's a scary thing too.

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JUSTFOXXY 5/27/2010 6:55AM

    I understand and will join you. I dropped two pant sizes and was so excited when I couldn't wear my size 20s anymore because they fall off. No hugging the hips, no belt, just plain fall off. So why are they still in my closet? I could say its because I like the material and how the pants draped when I wore them, but after reading your blog, I realize that I am probably looking for a fallback. It's not like I can't find those pants in my current size (actually I haven't, but that's still not an excuse).

Anyway, emoticon for hitting home on this one. Your blogs always make me reevaluate my decisions and most of all my motives.

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FOREVER4ME 5/26/2010 9:42AM

    Fat clothes have to go! Get them out before they want to stay.
Get them out now....LOL
I've found that my leg have srunk and the hems on my pants are too long. pants are getting too big. Yes it is time to throw/them to Goodwill or whoever wants them.
Thanks for the encouragement.

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LLEWIS6879 5/26/2010 8:26AM

    Dangerous business, holding on to your "fat clothes."

Good for you. Learning all this stuff about ourselves isn't easy but it is necessary!


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TRAPPERGIRL999 5/26/2010 12:18AM

  Thank you for your words of wisdom. They make perfict sence, I have to say I am a recovering addict and have been clean 2 1/2 years and i can only do it one day at a time for it to work. So I need to take this weight thing one day at a time. Because if nothing changes nothing changes. Thank you for the great blog, you have helped also to addict of food and bad habits. emoticon

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HAWAIILINDA 5/25/2010 9:24PM

    Hi John, For me this is a very inspirational blog. I saved a copy of this so I can sort through these thoughts because I know that I want to hang onto the "fat" me because this life is familiar and comfortable and the life I want to live and can is unfamiliar and scary. Funny/Interesting to be afraid of something that is really good for you. I'm still far from needing to get rid of clothes but know that I'm probably screaming and kicking to hang onto the familiar. It puzzles me a bit because in the past I gave up a life that was comfortable and familiar and I was the best thing I have done for me, it was a very successful decision. Just tells me that the weight issue is even more ingrained then the other issues were and boy that one was a lot of work. I can only imagine what fighting to give up this comfort is going to be. When I think of it though their was also a lot of fun and positivity in the giving up process before, I pray there will be this time also and that I can be strong enough to follow through until I reach my goal.
thank you for this blog!

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DUTCHIEKIWI 5/25/2010 7:04PM

    I'll be there with you, just like many many others. We will be an army of people uniting to become stronger and better versions of ourselves.

What an amazing support we have found in eachother.

You rock my world John, you really do!



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KSGROTHE 5/25/2010 5:33PM

    emoticon on deciding to get rid of the Fat Clothes! You don't want to ever wear those again! (Make sure you follow through on getting rid of them, OK?)

I have been getting rid of my fat clothes, but I find it hard to buy many new clothes when I am at this in-between weight. I feel like I don't have enough clothes, but I also don't want to buy a lot of clothes in my current size. I'm planning to get smaller, right?

Keep up the good work, and thanks for sharing your epiphanies! It really helps us!

- Karen

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DIASTER 5/25/2010 5:26PM

  Oh John, you did it again! Putting into words what so many of us were thinking. After losing over 100 pounds [this is the third time} This time will take the big clothes to Goodwill, they are sitting in tubs in a spare bedroom and out they go tomorrow, think I finally figured this is a life style not just another diet. We owe it to ourselves and our love ones to succeed.
Continued success to all of us.

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TINK33 5/25/2010 5:05PM

    I am ashamed to admit that I have tubs of clothes (and I mean big tubs) of six different sizes. I've been on that yo-yo more than once and have really been struggling with the whole "I know how to lose it, I just can't seem to keep it off" thought process. You're words are profound to me - because all of this time - I've kept my safety net(s) neatly tucked away in the attic for just the occassion of "failure". I am learning to change my "mentality". I am no longer trying to change my eating and exercise habits. I am practicing. I have tried and failed (my own interpretation) so many times, that it does no good for me to try. . . .I just end up failing. So - now I practice. I'm also going to practice getting rid of the sizes I no longer fit into on my way down. Thank you for sharing your revelation. It spoke to me "loud and clear".

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JUDIL62 5/25/2010 4:01PM

    Thanks for the invite, I am taking you up on it!


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WEEZIE1122 5/25/2010 3:40PM

    Dear John,

I was going to send you a personal e-mail because...well because.

I started up a CD and began to get back to the grind of doing my homework. I had not checked my e-mail and had 63 messages. So I deleted all but 13. Mostly spark messages left. Noticed you had left a comment on my page, so what the heck, I'll read John's blog. Notice how easily I get distracted.

I have often struggled with my faith. It is not that I don't believe, it is that I do not hold much faith in Christian people who judge others based upon religion, sexual orientation, race, or even social status. I find it hard to look these people in the eye and not point out that is unChristian like to be mean to some one because they are fat or for wearing the only pair of raggy jeans they have or whatever it is that makes them "different."

Your blogs have been inspirational to me on many levels. Being a Sparkie has returned some of my faith in people also. The people in your life can take you on amazing little field trips. You have taken me on many.

Last quarter I was in my Humanities 112 class (elective by the way) and my professor says..."And freedom is just another word for...." waiting for someone to fill in the blank.

Astonished I said "Nothing left to loose." Of course I was probably the only one who knew the line (even though she passed before I was born). My astonishment came from the fact that the CD I was listening to on the way to school was Janice Joplin's greatest hits. I don't recall rather Bobby McGee played, but it was fresh in my mind.

Today when I sat down to do my homework, the CD I chose to play...Tom Petty's greatest hits...the song playing..."Don't Do Me Like That." Coincidences happen. I know that. But not like that. God has been trying to get through to me for some time now. I know that or I am crazy. He is working through you. You are one of God's little angels.

You are right about a lot of things John. You will never know the full impact that you are having on all of us. How your words, life, and love are impacting our lives.

I could not find an Emoticon that summed up a closing thought.

So I will have to do it myself.

Thank you John.

And just because I never want to be taken too seriously.

Rock On!!!



Comment edited on: 5/25/2010 3:43:26 PM

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SUSIEMILO 5/25/2010 1:18PM

    Sign me up! I'm coming along for the tour, and while I'm there, Iill contact a real estate agent to purchase my new home in "Skinny"!

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PSSN4FITNESS 5/25/2010 1:13PM

    What a fabulous blog! This is so true and only something that people on this journey can understand. What Petty said is true and I have lived that experience in my life. I always kept the big clothes and eventually gained the weight back. But, this time I will take this inspiration to get rid of my excuses, my safety net, and the "fat" clothes.

Though, I have to admit, I agree with CMBELISLE... I am so cheap that I have been hesitating to buy new stuff. But, this is an investment in my self-confidence and health. I'll just have to suck it up!

Keep up the great work and positive attitude!

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BRINI24 5/25/2010 12:46PM

    The funny part about the whole thing, is I found this blog to be VERY inspirational on all levels! You put into words what many of us think.

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AZCUPCAKE 5/25/2010 12:37PM

    I am pleased and honored to join you in the quest we are on to be "skinny!" Tom Petty's attitude is one we can all learn from -- we are not the same once we totally commit to a lifelong CHANGE that will cause us to move forward out of the "dumps" and up the mountain! We have no one but ourselves holding us back: "We have met the enemy and they are US." Wow -- that is DEEP. But so true. And a great reminder to be ever vigilant to those devilish little voices inside who whisper, 'You know this time won't be different. You had better not get rid of those fat clothes. You always quit before you win.....' On and on. It is time to turn the negativity channel completely OFF!! Cut the cord!! Cancel the subscription!! Change the locks on the doors to our minds and hearts!! We can do this!! I am 100% certain those fat clothes of yours will find their way out of your closet and you will bless someone else's world with them! Great blog AGAIN today, John! Hugs and God's blessings to you and Joan! emoticon

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JUNEBUG4967 5/25/2010 12:35PM

    If you are truly accepting this as a lifestyle change and not just a four letter word D**T, Then you can go ahead and remove the old clothes in the way that works best for you. After reading this blog, I'm thinking you may be closer to lifestyle than 4 letter words. Good luck!

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CRIS76 5/25/2010 12:25PM

    Great blog. I just bagged my fat clothes up too.... it was a strange experience. I thought I'd be elated but somehow, somewhere - I found sadness. But that is the past - the future is ahead of us.

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/25/2010 12:24PM

    I know this one WAY too well, John--I'm right there with you! I have lost weight and kept the fat clothes, gained back weight and used them again. I have also lost weight, tossed the old fat clothes, then gained the weight back and had to buy new ones. Tossing them doesn't guarantee success, but this time around I'm tossing not only the clothes, the idea that I ever want to go back to the way I lived and ate before. It's not just clothes that need to be tried on and discarded when they no longer fit, it's also the attitudes and habits that got us to that size. Here's to a 'skinny' future for us all!


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MARCYNA 5/25/2010 11:38AM

    I'm scared as well of being skinny ...some of my 'fat' clothes are still hanging there, but I see them as a funny 'variation of me' that no longer exists.
Like it this way???

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RONDAJONES 5/25/2010 11:12AM

    Thanks for posting this...hits home on many levels. I think I am going to get rid of all of my safety nets...except Jesus! emoticon

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 5/25/2010 10:55AM

    I lost 50 lbs and everyone said get rid of the old clothes or the weight will come back. It was hard but I got rid of them, even the stuff I loved. The bad news is the weight came back anyway except now I had nothing to cover it with. I wonder how I'll ever talk myself into cleaning out the fat clothes ever again. Ugh!

I too know fat. We've been on a first name basis for most of my life. I realize now, it was scary to not be heavy. I didn't know skinny. I believe next time I'll be brave enough to introduce myself.

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SSCHULTZ59 5/25/2010 10:44AM

    Great Blog and so true.. i as well have hated it get rid of the fat clothes because i never knew when i would be back. as i go back down this journey again, their will be no turning back. that way if i do gain, i will know i dont have another pair of pants to rely on..

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CMBELISLE 5/25/2010 10:39AM

    I kept some of my "skinny" clothes but I'm still between the "fat" clothes and the "skinny" clothes at the moment. For me, it's not so much about what the clothes represent, it's the fact that I really HATE spending the money to replace anything. I'm tightwad at heart so I'm biding my time with a single item here and there until I can fit into the "skinny" stuff again or get to my goal weight. In the meantime, I'm slowly letting go of the stuff that is falling off, but keeping things that may be a little baggy. I'm also contemplating what can be altered.

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GERIKRAGH 5/25/2010 10:39AM

    Box the clothes up and put in storage. Maybe out of sight, out of mind. Get rid of them when Ur ready. I know that's not the point. I hang on to all my old stuff too.

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TRIPLE_EMME 5/25/2010 10:10AM

    I except your invitation, my friend!

GREAT blog!!!

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ROSE5328 5/25/2010 9:21AM

    I'm looking forward to getting rid of my fat clothes and fat attitude!

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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/25/2010 9:12AM

  I have done both, kept bigger clothes..just in case. Got rid of them for fear it would give me a "ticket" to gain it all back. For me its not about the clothes. It is more about boundaries. When I am fat no one is in a hurry to get to know or even notice me. When I am thin, people see me as more acceptable so they get to close. I had trouble keeping my boundaries. Getting fat, staying fat, losing weight, staying thin is so much more than a number on a scale... great blog I can relate

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WISEONE68 5/25/2010 8:59AM

    John--great post! And, very relatable. When I lost weight in 2001--I could not get rid of the old clothes FAST enough!! I bought new clothes, happily. When I began buying "bigger" clothes again, as the weight returned, I was disappointed with myself---NOT for gaining back the weight, but for getting rid of my "fat clothes!!" How screwed up was that??!!! emoticon

Well, I remembered that this time around...I held onto the "old" clothes---just in case. But, about two months ago, I realized that I was allowing myself the OPTION of gaining this weight back again...hmmmmmm???

Well, I decided I did not WANT that option!! So, I cleaned out the closet--still some "skinny" clothes to look forward to wearing again, a few dressed that fit now, and only ONE pair of old pants (so I can do the "after" picture wearing my old pants --you know the ones).

And, just YESTERDAY (timely blog!!) I noticed that some of the X-Large shirts I kept are TOO BIG. I wear XL t-shirts all the time--to bed, work out, etc.---but, they are not attractive anymore!!

Thanks for the reminder (again) are doing so well and learning so much about yourself. Thanks for sharing with others--we all learn our own lessons...but, sometimes we can learn from the lessons others learn, too!!!

have a blessed day, friend!!


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WALKNLOVE 5/25/2010 8:37AM

    I dropped a size!!!! Yep, on Sat. I tried on something I hadn't worn in a long time & it fit & then again on Sunday, I tried on a beautiful dress that had been hanging in my closet unworn for at least a year.It looked so pretty! I was and am so happy! Things are changing.We aren't who we used to be...New & Improved comes to mind! emoticon

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DITTY1013 5/25/2010 8:25AM

    Great post. I should probably get rid of some of my old clothes, too. My closet will look so empty! But there's no use hanging onto things I'll never wear again. Good luck to you, and keep up the fantastic work!

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DOLLBABE56 5/25/2010 8:14AM

    What are you doing inside my head? lol It is hard to let go of what has be comfortable. I don't have any old "big girl" clothes other than what I wear now. My problem is that I have a lot of my "thin girl" clothes in the closet and in my hope chest. I say hope chest because I HOPE TO BE THIN SO I CAN WEAR THOSE CLOTHES AGAIN! Even if they are out of style. That is just as messed up as keep the "big girl" clothes, I think anyway. And yet I don't know if I'm ready, or want to give those up yet.

I believe that I have to put some serious thought into this. emoticon

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DAISYBELL6 5/25/2010 7:58AM

    I really related to your blog. I have all my larger clothes down in our basement closet. I think often about getting rid of them, but just can't. I know they are a crutch but I can't get past the cost of replacing all those things if I do regain my weight. I don't plan to, but it has happened before. I have them out of sight but still available. I am not ready to give them away. I don't know if I ever will be. What I am concentrating on right now is getting used to wearing better fitting clothes and enjoying how I look in them. We'll see what happens.


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CINDYLUFUS 5/25/2010 7:43AM

    So ironic you posted this...this morning I was getting ready for work and realized that I barely have any pants that fit me anymore. I also noticed that my shirts are getting a bit big and baggy. Holding on to these clothes are our security blanket. Just think, we never want to go back to these. Think of all the new clothes you can wear! I told my hubby a few weeks ago that by this fall he is going to have to buy me a new wardrobe! He said that was ok, as long as I was happy emoticon

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CINDYMCD1 5/25/2010 7:43AM

    You are doing well1 Good job!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 5/25/2010 7:41AM

    I was just thinking about the same concept last night... in my past, whenever I've lost weight, I've gotten rid of my larger sized clothes, only to regain and have to repurchase larger sized clothing. Not only was it painful, but it made me angry at myself for gaining again. The last couple times I've been on this journey, I've kept my larger sized clothes because I believed I would end up needing them again... and needing them again, I did. Now? Now I plan on keeping one pair of pants. Just one. One to remind me where I have been and where I don't want to return to. I don't want to jinx myself, but this time it feels different... but I think this time it's for me, and no one else. Keep up the great work.

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