JOHNTJ1   64,983
SparkPoints
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
 
 
JOHNTJ1's Recent Blog Entries

Moses, The C25K, and Learning To Trust

Thursday, May 13, 2010

My favorite story from The Bible centers on Moses, a whole bunch of cranky people, lack of water and God. Moses leads the people into the desert where they wander for forty years. They are hot, they are tired and they are thirsty. They put a lot of trust in Moses and I am quite sure he felt the murmurs and whispers that he had lost it. It seemed as if he could do nothing right.

Moses goes up on the mountain for his daily meeting with God. He tells God that the people are grumbling, irritable and most likely a bit smelly because they haven’t had any water in quite some time. God ponders all this for a moment, and points at a rock. He tells Moses to take his staff, walk over to the rock and strike the rock one time and one time only and the people will have more water than they know what to do with.

As Moses is walking towards this rock he is looking down the mountain and looking at this mob that wants to cut his throat. “No way,” he thinks. “No way, is one tiny tap gonna supply all the water we need. I mean He is God and all but I better give it more than one bash, just to make sure.”

So he does. He hits the rock three times. Out bursts the water, problem solved and Moses figures he can move on to other issues. With a smile on his face and a song in his heart Moses descends the mountain. God stops him.

“Moses” God asks. “How many times did I tell you to strike the rock?”

“Uhm, one time.” Says Moses. “But I figured that I better hit it more than that, just to be sure.”

“You figured?” God asks.

The long and short of the story is that God tells Moses because of his lack of faith in what he was asked to do; he will not enter the Promised Land. In other words he won’t get what he has worked so hard to attain.

What does this have to do with C25K training? Well it comes down to being a matter of trust. It means trusting a program I believe in and trusting me to succeed.
I decided to train to run a 5K. “Use the C25K program John. It’s proven to work!!!” Person after person gave me that advice. So I sat down, read the program and decided it would work for me.

I started on Monday and I have to tell you the first week seemed awfully skimpy!! I mean three times a week for twenty minute a session? That didn’t seem like a lot. Better that I added some additional training on my own and on the days I wasn’t doing C25K training I needed to step it up a bit. The end result was late Tuesday evening I had a hard time moving. The heck with the program!!! I knew better!!!

Now I know none of you have ever done anything like this. I mean no one would ever consider eating way below their calorie level because they figured that by doing so they would lose weight even quicker. I mean no one should eat THAT MANY calories. So maybe we eat a lot less, our stomachs shrink and don’t lose any weight at all. We don’t follow exercise regimens because we know better and wind up hurt or dejected because we did too much.

Along with diet and with exercise this change I am going through has to incorporate other things I never thought would enter the fray. I have to learn to build and develop trust, not only in the programs I use but in John. I can’t trust me, however, unless I really care about me and I can’t care about me if I don’t value me!!! It means that even when I don’t feel beautiful, handsome, charming and witty, I believe I am. I believe I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to even though at the precise moment I may feel like a total and complete failure.
It means I trust and if it says on the package,” hit the rock one time and one time only”, then I do.

On top of being really good looking I also read minds. I know what you are thinking. “Yeah John, I trusted before and I got messed over.”
Me too. Been messed over more times than I care to count. But even at my heaviest, in my darkest moment, when every time I stepped on the scale and it went upward, I kept telling myself “You will get this John, you will find a way. This weight will come off. No matter how many times you fail you will get this one day.”

Then I found Spark and I found you. Yeah, you, reading this right now.

I hit the rock once.

I didn’t know this until a few months ago but do you know it took Moses and his followers forty years to make an eleven day journey? I think I would have fit right in

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATHERINEL66 5/15/2010 9:08PM

    Wishing you all the best on the C25K program! Big congrats to you for STARTING it!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WEEZIE1122 5/14/2010 8:57AM

    For heaven's sake John, you really have to stop making me laugh out loud like this. I am at the library and an getting looks.

Sympathetic - "Is she crazy?"
Irritated - "Doesn't she know this is a library?"

But, really thanks for the laugh.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUNIAATROME 5/14/2010 1:20AM

    It is a sad story- mean the Moses story... the good thing though is that you CAN change and trust that C25K program. I've been planning on trying that to, but have been disposed (right now, my back hurts too much - but there's been a row of things lately ugh!). So keep me posted as to how it goes when you do trust it!
Best wishes on your way! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CARTOONB 5/14/2010 1:07AM

    Confidence, thy name is John! Great blog and way to segue from the Bible to Spark.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHER11 5/13/2010 8:21PM

    Great blog today John, thank you

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROTTLADY 5/13/2010 6:32PM

    We need faith in ourselves and in each other here at spark people to know when to hit the rock and to do it once right the first time and not stress and hit it more then is right for us to do. emoticon and our love and compassion for esch other is what will keep us going and focused.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JPRICE217 5/13/2010 5:41PM

    Once again a great blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEMILO 5/13/2010 3:37PM

    I confess - I am a rock hitter.
If once is good, 3 times must be better -- right?
Ummmmm.... not so much

Great Blog -- thanks for posting this.
Susie

Report Inappropriate Comment
GREENCAT1 5/13/2010 2:53PM

    Great blog John. Thank you!

Love,
Cathy emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GETFIT2LIVE 5/13/2010 1:19PM

    I know I would have fit right in with that group--too easy to think "I know what I'm doing here, I've got it covered" and not listen to the voice that says "This is the way, walk in it." Thanks for the reminder; amazing how just a little disobedience can lengthen the time we spend learning the lessons we need to learn . . .

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVEMYBOY64 5/13/2010 1:04PM

    You definitely have Divine timing...I soooooooo needed this blog.

Thank you emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/13/2010 1:04:43 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
KAT573 5/13/2010 12:16PM

    GREAT analogy and exactly the point Spark and God keep trying to make; ahhhh the potentials and the pitfalls of paradoxical human nature! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 5/13/2010 11:35AM

    Boy, I certainly wish I could have learned THIS lesson about 40 years ago! I am NOTORIOUS for "hitting the rock" multiple times (you might even call it "bashing the rock!"), when just ONE time would do the trick! I will heed this advice next time I think I should have lost 25 pounds in a week after eating well and getting my exercise in! Aren't we an impatient species?? Thanks for this reminder about the power of faith and trust - in ourselves, no less! God can certainly give the instructions, but we have to follow them! Have a great day, John! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GERIKRAGH 5/13/2010 11:29AM

    I need to subscribe to your blogs because u say what we all feel--especially me.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TXNANA_4 5/13/2010 11:17AM

    Great!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BECCALYNN75 5/13/2010 10:38AM

    I'm beginning to think *Someone* is trying to tell me something. He knows I have to hear it more than once, sometimes a lot more.

Last night at church we were studying in Genesis and talking about Abram's faith, but also the times that his faith failed. Our pastor said he was only doing part of what God told him to do, and that is not obedience. Then this morning I read your blog and it speaks to me in the same way.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FANAMAMA 5/13/2010 10:05AM

    Yup, you got me. Guilty as charged. Waiting for the Spark Police to come and haul me off to Spark Jail.
Thanks John for your humor and love.

Report Inappropriate Comment
RONDAJONES 5/13/2010 10:04AM

    Very true John. I think I am way past the 11 day mark...working toward 40 years. BUT, one day...with the Grace of God, I will make it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEWLIFE4ME09 5/13/2010 10:02AM

    once again you have done it, said just what I needed to hear, right when I needed to hear it

you are so emoticon

and WE CAN DO THIS

Thank you

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMBELISLE 5/13/2010 9:29AM

    Sometimes, I think we have to be hit over the head a few times to realize we should only hit the rock once. Thanks for the analogy and the plain English version of the story of Moses.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 5/13/2010 9:06AM

    Hit the rock, John!!!!
Step out in faith...and waters will come out of that old rock!!!
Love,
marcyna

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUDIL62 5/13/2010 9:00AM

    You speak the truth my friend...you speak the truth!



Report Inappropriate Comment
IFDEEVARUNS2 5/13/2010 8:27AM

    Good one!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSTANG_SALLY2 5/13/2010 8:22AM

    I never knew the 11 day journey part. Another thought provoking blog for me today. I know I'll be thinking about this one for awhile. I appreciate your writing skills. Have a great trip!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRINCESSNURSE 5/13/2010 8:22AM

    You are so right the key to success=Trust the process---(it can be hard to do though!) Thanks for the reminder.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOLLBABE56 5/13/2010 8:21AM

    I think I understand. I tend to "over do it" when it comes to both exercise and eating. Right now, at this moment, I have the eating under control. At this moment.... And right now I am feeling all the exercise I've done this week. I don't know when to draw the line. Well, actually I do. I've just gone gung ho with it. And the result is I am sooo tired, and I'm moving rather slow with stiffness and pain. I know better, but I want to lose this weight so very desperately that I don't always use common sense. While changing up the exercise routine (which is a good thing), I guess I should remember that I don't need to add it on to what I had been doing. (if this makes any sense). What this boils down to is that I shouldn't be so obsessed by exercise and losing weight that it takes me all morning. The end result is that I'm to tired to do much else. I need to realize that I need to exercise to live not live to exercise.


Report Inappropriate Comment
LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/13/2010 8:20AM

    I never knew that either ... 40 years for an 11 day journey. Guess there is hope for me ... lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMABILE75 5/13/2010 8:13AM

    I NEVER do such things!! NEVER!!! I don't know what you are talking about so stop pointing at me. emoticon

Ok, so you got me. I'm guilty!

I've noticed people rarely do as they are told. It doesn't matter if it is us, our children, co-workers... ask somebody to do something, they will probably do what you asked with a little twist. I think part of the problem is communication.

Thanks for another great blog my friend.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROSE5328 5/13/2010 8:11AM

    Another great post John! Thank you!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Beautiful You

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


2

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSE5328 5/13/2010 8:19AM

    Thank you John! This is something I really struggle with. I think I will watch this video at least once a week to remind myself that I am beautiful!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIE85251 5/13/2010 4:44AM

    Another wonderful, insightful blog. Thanks for reminding me of how special I am!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKENISTA 5/13/2010 12:36AM

    John--It is my observation that our appearance is a direct reflection of how we think of and care for/nurture ourselves. Therefore, when someone finds fault with their appearance they are really finding fault with some internal trait. It could be failure to follow through with plans and be consistent. It could be some other habit or trait.

While, in our society, vanity is frowned upon, self-care and the improvement that manifests in appearance are really critical to our self-esteem, welfare and ability to function as good role models to our children.

Therefore, while balance is necessary in all things, not addressing the issue of outward appearance is tantamount to denying our corporeal selves. It all begins with the self-esteem to paricipate in self-care.



Comment edited on: 5/13/2010 12:38:39 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMYTATH 5/12/2010 11:16PM

    I love this blog John!!! This is something that I have struggled with for years...As I dug out an old picture of me circa 2001 and looked at it, showed it to girls at work to show the amazing transformation I have made. I was about 230 (years before pregnancy), one girl says, "wow, doesnt even look like you" another "you didnt have a necke" ect you get the point...everyone is amazed at how far I have come (this being the 2nd time I have come this far 1st time being 5 years after that pic this time post pregnancy). But what I keep thinking to myself as I look at that picture and marvel at the 55 pound difference in then and now I just keep thinking to myself "but I had so much confidence then!!! I loved myself then!!! I dont now...whats wrong?" I know that I look like a completely different person, I know that I am many sizes smaller but I still dont like what I see therefore I dont value myself like I did then.

And realistically this is why I have been struggling with finding out Im pregnant, instead of focusing on how wonderful and amazing this blessing is I keep focusing on "but Im so close to my goal!!!"

I am slowly working on loving myself as I am and you are helping me do that!!

I really hope that the WKY team can still meet Sunday even if there are just three of us there. I get so much support from you guys and want so much to give you a hug and thank you in person!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HDHAWK 5/12/2010 7:22PM

    Still something I'm working on! Thank you so very much for this topic. You are certainly a gift I'm thankful I've found this week!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HAWAIILINDA 5/12/2010 7:05PM

    Hi John, Another good topic. I learned to look at this idea in a different perspective a few years ago. It is a truth that some people are more physically attractive then others and so I have trouble saying I'm beautiful. What I do believe though is that I'm a miracle, I believe that all life is a miracle. When your think of life even existing with all the things that can happen to make conception go astray it is amazing how often life happens. I take that blessing/miracle of life given to me and I believe I am here for a reason and I believe I have a responsibility to do the best I am able with the gift of life. And though not physically attractive I am an awesome, wonderful person. I have a lot to offer this world ,and society just aqs I am and if people choose to shun me because I don't meet their expectations of attractiveness then they are the ones that lose out. I accept myself for who I am right now, yes I hope to be healthier and with that my appearance will be more pleasing to some, including myself, but I won't be more worthwhile/valuable then I am right now.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JESSASAURUSFLEX 5/12/2010 6:16PM

    Awesome!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOMOMMY 5/12/2010 5:36PM

    Your video blog was inspiring to me! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, you gave me something to think about today. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROTTLADY 5/12/2010 4:57PM

    Checked in but video email don't work well on my system.Will check back tomorrow

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANGELSANDYBABY 5/12/2010 12:51PM

    Hi John! I loved your blog..Thanks!
I'm going to add you as a friend..please feel free to do the same.
You have a great day, too!

Sandy

Report Inappropriate Comment
IDALUKE 5/12/2010 12:41PM

    Once again, you hit wright on the nail, that is so true. made me look at my self in a different light, Thanks John emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TENDERLOVE1 5/12/2010 12:40PM

    You bring tears to my eyes with every blog of yours that I read! Great JOB thank you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEEMAWEST 5/12/2010 12:29PM

    HOME RUN!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 5/12/2010 11:32AM

    Once again, you hit the ball right out of the park, John. Your words could not have found a more concise target - and I am sure everyone seeing/listening to your blog today will take a new look at their PHYSICAL selves in a new light. We are SO critical of ourselves -- why is it that when a loved one tells me I look pretty today, I shrug it off and am self-conscious and embarrassed, but a passing acquaintance can tell me that 'I think a different kind of dress would be better for your shape?' and I take THAT comment to heart and hold it close to me, replaying it over and over, as if it is a TREASURE?! That is just so WRONG!

You really know how to provide the 'balm for the soul' regarding this journey we are on; you really understand. Thank you for a great start to my day.

p.s. I am going to tell myself I am pretty today and really BELIEVE it, thanks to you!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
VICTORY-LEE 5/12/2010 10:21AM

    Hey Hey John!

I will tell you honestly that you made me cry! You pretty much said everything I feel about myself, about the people who love me. My 48th b-day was yesterday & it was "a little humbling". I always worried about my looks - I was never happy. I have always been overweight & like u had said, I too would look thru magazines & see what I wanted to be. Funny, because I really knew I couldn't.

Anyway, I finally have accepted myself for who I am...& I finally realized I LIKE ME - warts & all!!

God Bless You John!

Thank u for the great blog!!

Luv Ya
Lisa
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JJSSKINNYGIRL 5/12/2010 10:05AM

    Thank You for another great blog!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOLLBABE56 5/12/2010 10:05AM

    I think this is your best "video" blog yet! So true.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMABOF7 5/12/2010 10:03AM

    Thank You John!!! You are a Beautiful person. I'm greatful that you share your wisdom with me. I do feel lovely today even in my sweats headed to the elliptical.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAE_HENNINGTON 5/12/2010 9:49AM

  Once again John, You have nailed it. I have wrestled with these very issues myself. I grew up in a home of abuse, neglect and abandonment. I never felt loved or wanted. I was born with a physical disability, also with parents who were perfectionist. I knew from an early age that no matter how much I tried, I would never measure up to my families expectations. I have spent a lifetime trying to find a place to fit in..and to "feel" ok. I have always wanted to be accepted and loved. I have learned the first place you have to find this is within yourself. I have this "little girl" in me that "needs" to be loved. So while I know what you say is true and I work on it everyday of my waking life. There is a part of me that continues to wish I could find the acceptance through another person. Great blog John, as usual you have left us with much to ponder.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GETFIT2LIVE 5/12/2010 9:17AM

    John, I love seeing and hearing your video blogs! Well said; are we building our houses upon the rock or upon the sand? If we don't have a foundational belief that we are beautiful just the way we are today, even though we are working towards looking and feeling better every day, we won't make it for the long haul. Good luck on the C25K training--most of all have FUN with it!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SATYAGRAHA 5/12/2010 9:03AM

    John! That was really wonderful. Thank you SOOOO MUCH for sharing your wisdom. You are truly beautiful, inside AND out! emoticon And you WILL get out of that chair and do C25K. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUGGYS 5/12/2010 8:52AM

    John...you are right on once again...I joined SP not becasue of my appearance but because of my health...I love myself enough to want the inside to work well so that it shows through on the outside...sure, I would love to look good in a size 10 but that is never going to happen...I do want to get off my meds and live a long time, to enjoy life for as long as I can. I am amazed at this site because I have gotten to know sveral "friends" and I don't even know what they look like and you know, I don't even care...I love what they have to say ans what their comments mean to me. Thank you for instilling in all of us that we ARE worth it! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNABOY 5/12/2010 8:41AM

    Sorry couldn't get it to down load

Report Inappropriate Comment


Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

If You Learn To Wait, You'll Lose The Weight

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

When I begin work with a new coaching client I ask them to give me a one sentence definition of what success means to them. I stress one sentence. In most cases we start off with two pages that are full of good stuff, goals and objectives, but not a definition of success. The process usually takes about two weeks and when you are finished you have a pretty good idea of who you are and what you are about.

It’s very frustrating because the first time I did it I learned the most valuable lesson about John I will ever learn:

I had no clue where I was going and I had no clue how to get there.

I had a lot of “sound bites:” that I had used to define myself, but if you took them away I had a lot of goals and objectives lying around in my backyard like a bunch of flowers that weren’t quite sure where they needed to be planted.

Ask people how they define success and most likely you will hear things like “security,” “wealth,” “prosperity,” or maybe “peace of mind.” Those are all outcomes or end results. They are the finish line and as any runner will tell you, it’s a good idea to know where the finish line is. The preparation it takes to get there shouldn’t be over looked, otherwise the finish line is just a mirage.

“If you learn to wait, you will lose the weight.”

That is my current definition of success. If I am patient with myself, allow myself to evolve, to learn, to depend on the wisdom of other people who have gone before me, I will be successful. When I think about my failures it was because I wanted to rush everything and not allow my mind or my body to adjust to the changes it was going through. Quite simply they both rebelled and said “We will have none of this!” The end result became frustration, followed by failure and then despair. Can anyone say “hand me another donut?”

Spark has helped me learn to wait or if you want to apply another acronym, learn to be patient.

Lemme give ya two examples:

A few months ago I was contemplating embracing a vegetarian life style. I wrote a short blog one Sunday about my desires but also quickly added about all I knew how to do was spell “vegetarian.” (Thank goodness for spell check.) I was overwhelmed with positive response. People gave me all sorts of resources. Now the old John, the impatient one, the one that wanted to see results NOW would have thrown all the meat in the house away, read about half of each article, took a billboard out on the interstate proclaiming himself the holiest and purest vegetarian of all time, and promptly failed. He would have told himself that this stuff worked for other people but surely not for him and it became another thing he was no good at.

I would like to tell you I not eating meat at all, but I can’t do that. What I am doing is gradually changing my life style, and reducing the amount of meat I am taking in learned to be patient and allow their bodies to change.

The same is true about exercise. When I started Spark I was walking, cycling and using the elliptical. I had been down this road before and so as much as I wanted to do more because I felt, in my head, I was ready to try out for the Olympics, my body told me to be patient. I’ll admit to you I got bored, which is why I decided to shoot for walking in a 5K race. The closer I got to race day, the more I walked. Joan decided to come with me, so I had a walking buddy most days. It was a wonderful experience!!!

I jogged the last third of a mile or so and surprised myself. I had a false belief that if I ran more than ten feet I would fall over dead. I didn’t. Joan and I followed up Sunday with a two mile walk and as of yesterday we both started C25K training because we would like to jog a 5K in the fall. I got lots of support from friends here. I have learned that it will be okay if that first 5K run is in November, December, or even later. It will come, when my body is ready and I am comfortable with my success.

“If you learn to wait, you will lose the weight.”

We do not realize, our unhealthy life style was an evolution also. Four days out of five, I don’t like reading what I just wrote LOL. I want it now and I want it all.
Thanks to you and so many like you I am learning to wait, to be patient because the day will come when I will see the results and oh my gosh, will they be great.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOPHIETR 6/12/2010 8:23AM

    Thank you! continued Good luck! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ILOVESP 6/9/2010 4:14AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GLORY2WALKWHIM 6/3/2010 10:41AM

   

i wholeheartedly agree with you .. that's why my mantra this time around is,
"FIT NOT FAST" ..

Inspirational Blog Post


glory

Report Inappropriate Comment
LISSA17SMITH 5/18/2010 2:48PM

  Thanks for the post!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUCI2010 5/15/2010 9:35PM

  thanks so much for this! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPROCKETJONES 5/14/2010 8:00PM

    The mindset that we didn't become overweight overnight so it's ridiculous to want to be healthy overnight is a tough one for me. Thanks for the great post.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ZLQ1963 5/14/2010 11:31AM

    Great blog. It takes years to undo the damage done to our bodies - and we should love it and take our time as we persist in making healthly changes.

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUNNER4LIFE08 5/14/2010 10:10AM

    Awesome sentence! Thanks for posting!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NIKKI7727 5/14/2010 9:54AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SDKENT79 5/14/2010 9:22AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BECKYB73 5/13/2010 10:52PM

    Wow did I need this!

Thank YOU! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
COLDWINTER2010 5/13/2010 10:28PM

  Thank you. This was just what I needed to hear today. Your blogs are so positive and encouraging and a pleasure to read.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GIGGLES204 5/13/2010 7:45PM

  Thank you for your amazing and inspiring post. It's so very true!! Here's to patience!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHLOIANNA 5/13/2010 1:58PM

    Instant gratification has always been what I am about. I am learning that good things come to those who wait.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TINARETTER 5/13/2010 10:15AM

    This is soo true. I usually give up because I'm not losing at a pace I think I should. I have stuck with it this time and several times almost gave up because there must be something wrong with me. But I have stuck with it. If i waver or even fall I get back after it. And you know what? I start losing weight, I start feeling stronger and I mentally feel like I can keep going.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TINARETTER 5/13/2010 10:13AM

    This is soo true. I usually give up because I'm not losing at a pace I think I should. I have stuck with it this time and several times almost gave up because there must be something wrong with me. But I have stuck with it. If i waver or even fall I get back after it. And you know what? I start losing weight, I start feeling stronger and I mentally feel like I can keep going.

Report Inappropriate Comment
INTERSTATEVERSE 5/13/2010 9:12AM

    I like the idea of patience and putting things in perspective. thanks for the blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
46SHADOW 5/13/2010 7:30AM

    patience...a lesson for myself!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIE85251 5/13/2010 4:02AM

    Thanks for the post. We do live in a society of instant gratification. Too many people want what they want NOW! Those of us who have been on this earth a little longer often realize that it is all the hard work and time that makes the success so sweet.

As a vegetarian, I commend you for reducing the amount of meat in your diet. Often people say to me that they could never be a vegetarian because they would miss meat too much. I guess I am not the stereotypical overly passionate type of vegetarian who believes it is all or nothing. I feel that any reduction in meat consumption is good for us and our planet. I will often say to someone that if they could just give up meat a few days a week, they are still doing a wonderful thing.

Blessings on your journey!

Comment edited on: 5/14/2010 12:21:56 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIMHALLMARK 5/13/2010 12:53AM

    Great and thanks

Report Inappropriate Comment
PMWIGGI 5/13/2010 12:29AM

    Thanks for sharing. Patience is not a virtue I have. I stuggle with wanting things my way yesterday! You have inspired me to slow down a little and enjoy the ride.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENNERATOR13 5/12/2010 10:33PM

    Thanks for sharing!!! I guess I will have to be patient and wait. I have been getting upset because I haven't lost anything since I joined the gym 6 months ago. But I guess my body is getting used to using weights and new machines instead of just walking. THanks again.

Jenn

Report Inappropriate Comment
HAKU695 5/12/2010 9:13PM

    Thanks for the great mantra...If you learn to wait, you'll lose the weight. I'm trying to make several lifestyle changes at once, and finding that I'm getting exhausted and discouraged. Slow and steady wins the race, as the fable of the tortoise and the hare goes. Thanks again for the reminder of patience.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PSSN4FITNESS 5/12/2010 7:12PM

    This was such a timely and motivational blog! Thanks so much for sharing. I actually just had this realization today. I was impatient and stressed. I need to take a step back and evaluate what I want from this. When I first started I was focused on getting healthy and the pounds came off almost effortlessly. In recent weeks, the scale has been tormenting me because I lost sight of what this is really about.

Anyway, thanks again for your words of wisdom and encouragement. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EDWINA172 5/12/2010 5:51PM

    Your clients are very lucky to have you! I love your blogs, your quotes and your perspective.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUSHON 5/12/2010 4:59PM

    Great reminder that what we are doing is a journey and not a quick errand.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SALUKFAN 5/12/2010 4:43PM

    I love this blog, because I tend to react in the all-or-nothing manner. I found myself doing that this morning; when I lamented that my clothes didn't feel looser after just a week. Impatience is one of the biggest detriments to my attempts to change.

I love your motto. "If I learn to wait..."

Report Inappropriate Comment
YAMIASAZI 5/12/2010 4:35PM

  Great Blog. :D

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRISTY_704 5/12/2010 3:49PM

    Great blog!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TSK0128 5/12/2010 2:23PM

  Inspiration post! Thanks for helping us allow ourselves the time to see true results (i.e.: success).

Report Inappropriate Comment
REACHNDREAM 5/12/2010 1:58PM

    How true is that? You wrote what a lot of people need to read, including me. When you make these lifestyle changes you expect to see changes immediately AND BIG ONES! However, like you've said...slow and steady wins the race.

Keep up the great work!
Paula emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANALYZETHIS1 5/12/2010 1:38PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JCKC77 5/12/2010 12:22PM

    Great Blog. I didnt put on all this weight in a week so I cant expect to take it off in one either.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SCAVARET 5/12/2010 12:21PM

    I try to follow the philosophy of taking a compass on this weight loss journey, not a stopwatch. It doesn't matter how fast we get there, but what direction we're heading for success. Great blog!!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TENDERLOVE1 5/12/2010 12:12PM

    Thank you for this! I feel the same way! I had to learn that I am at a different place in my journey than everyone else and just because I am not as far shouldn't be a reason for me to quit it should be something for me to strive for! Thank you! Great blog!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATRICE_1 5/12/2010 10:55AM

    WONDERFUL POST, I WILL TELL MY SELF DAILY THAT IF I LEARN TO WAIT I WILL LOSE THE WEIGHT

Report Inappropriate Comment
SKIPPIE123 5/12/2010 10:29AM

    Well put...thanks! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ERINLEIGHDV 5/12/2010 10:27AM

    I'm so excited for you and Joan. I did Couch to 5K and it is amazing. Sometimes its hard work, but it really builds you up at a good pace. I learned so much about myself doing it. My limitations and my ability to break through them for instance. I started C25k on 11/30/2009 after my cousin did it and raved about it. When I first ran for 20 minutes in a row I cried and laughed with joy all the way home. In less than 2 weeks I'm running a half-marathon. Never underestimate what the human body is capable of.
Enjoy your journey!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNLOUDERMILK 5/12/2010 9:57AM

    what an inspiration!!! I don't know anyone who doesn't want it ALL "NOW"....LOL, me most of all, but like yourself I am learning one day at a time and build on what I am learning here from all SP friends. The weight may not be melting away as fast as it appeared but I do feel better and more healthy than I did a month ago and I am happy about that!


emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEMINIJENNY25 5/12/2010 9:04AM

    i'm going to remember that phrase. ! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUSTFOXXY 5/12/2010 8:12AM

    Wonderful, wonderful blog. That is exactly my problem and as you point out, the problem of many others. I also think the evolution of technology has made us fat with instant gratification.

Thanks for taking us back to basics. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BATYAFA 5/12/2010 7:58AM

    What a great motto to stick on the fridge! Thanx for this! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WIGIME 5/12/2010 7:25AM

    Easy to say and hard to do! Thanks for the inspiration John!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIAYANAB 5/12/2010 7:16AM

    This blog is something that I so needed, as I had given up on myself. Yeah, instant gratification is great..but unrealistic. As of last week, I had accepted the fact that I would always be fat. I can't do it. I've tried for the last 37 years of my life, and the results are always the same...disappointing. I'm not going to go into a tangent about my problems, but to summarize my response..."thanks, I needed this."

Report Inappropriate Comment
CLOVER2 5/11/2010 11:25PM

    Reading your thoughts is the highlight of my day. Thank you once again.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROTTLADY 5/11/2010 10:51PM

    Great words of wisdom.Being a tortoise is the best way to go.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISHKALA 5/11/2010 10:49PM

    Great blog!! Patience is certainly something I have trouble with. But now I'm slowly changing my tune. Some days I feel if I had any more "patience" I'd be a doctor! Thanks for the encouragement! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MONTANA_ED 5/11/2010 10:11PM

    Thanks John - you wrapped everything up wonderfully with that quote. Things didn't go on overnight, it's not going to go away over night. I like this better than the other statement that I had heard and that has been going through my head "Slow and steady wins the race, not the one that sets the pace."

Thanks!

Onwards...R>
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEEMAWEST 5/11/2010 9:41PM

    I'm not very good with patience either. I want to lose weight and I want to do it NOW! Thanks for the great blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
THINMOMMAGN 5/11/2010 9:28PM

    You are such an inspiration!! Thanks for sharing!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

The Path Before Us

Monday, May 10, 2010

Sometimes the lessons that help us the most are the hardest and most painful ones to learn. I know that’s true for me. So you sit there reading this and you say to yourself “Well, duh John. I know that.” Do we? I think if we did we wouldn’t as a wise man once said keep living up to the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

My son Matt has been divorced for almost two years. In a nutshell, his wife decided she enjoyed being single more than she enjoyed being married and decided to practice being single before she ended the marriage.

Before I go any further I want you to know this is not going to be one of those “My kid is perfect and he’s been wronged” rant. He’s not perfect. He was devastated when she left. She took their daughter and I can only imagine what he felt and continues to feel. He trusts no one. He was so happy to be married and I suspect from what he shares he feels as if he failed. He is thirty two and he feels lost and abandoned. To him there is no God. If there was, none of this would have happened.

I have spent a lot of sleepless nights. I cried, I prayed, I wondered if maybe I should have seen this coming and advised him about it before he got married. I got angry and irritable and just wasn’t much fun to be around.

Oh yeah, I ate. I ate a lot. Eating was something I could do. I couldn’t “make it all better.” I couldn’t control his life and it was like it kept raining and I kept wondering where they put the sun. Did I say I ate a lot? I felt cut off and I needed to fix this, because isn’t that what Dad’s are supposed to do?

I carried this inside of me for a long time. Some days it was right up front, other days pushed to the rear by other concerns. But it was there, this tension, this emotionally queasy feeling inside of me.

While all this is going on I begin my journey towards health and discovering who I really was under all these layers of physical and emotional fat. One night as I lie there wide awake that small voice spoke to my heart.

“You have your own journey to worry about. Leave him to me and concentrate on your own journey, John.”

I was stunned. This is my son. He needs me.

“Then he’ll ask if he needs you. Walk your own road John.”

I would like to tell you that I leapt out of bed, woke Joan up and said “Thank you, Jesus.” Far from it.

I got majorly angry. This wasn’t good advice. Kids look to their dads to fix stuff and by God I was going to do this come hell or high water.

“Why are you so afraid to look at yourself John?”

That one got my attention. Over the next few days this light of realization got brighter and brighter inside of me. I saw, that when I didn’t want to look at me and the areas I needed to improve in my life I found some crusade to go charging off on or some poor soul to help who needed me. I always made sure they were issues that no one would argue with. I became exhausted trying to right the wrongs and then never had the energy to deal with me.

That’s mainly because I was scared to look at me. I’m like you and you’re like me. We all know where the trap doors are inside of us, the ones marked “danger.” We are scared to open them because if we do, then we have to deal with what’s on the other side. Better I deal with your stuff rather than mine. Let’s all make nice and smile and the sun will come out and then we can hold hands and sing “Kumbaya!”

Yeah, I got my own road to walk, my own stuff to deal with. I bleed a lot, and Lord knows I cry a lot, but hey……. I am getting better and healthier every single day. Most of it is me facing me, but a lot of it is these bright lights along the side of the road that flicker a warm smile or a soft reassurance. You are holding one of those lights and while I cannot walk your road and you cannot walk mine we can encourage each other, care for each other and love each other as we move closer and closer to being who we are. We stand on the side of each other’s road with lights to help guide the way home.

I still love my son. I am here if he wants to talk. Joan and I are both here if he needs a shoulder to cry on, but it’s his journey and I have mine. All I can do is have faith and leave the rest to God. I am at peace with that.

I had a lot of difficulty accepting this. Joan told me she understood it about six months before I did. I asked her why she didn’t share it with me. She told me I had to find that peace all on my own. She loves me, she prays for me.

That’s the way it is for all of us, I think. We have to walk that road knowing that there are many others to help us, to guide us and to support us, but first we have to see the path ahead.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYSRAIN 5/15/2010 1:00PM

    Wow! It feels like you hit me right between the eyes with this one. I am the fixer.....

As I reflect on your words I can honestly say you are so right! It's so easy to focus on others, there problems, there pain.

I am guilty of this! NOT dealing with my demons, it's so much easier to focus on helping someone else, fixing them!

Lol....Miss Perfect isn't so perfect, it's time for me to fix me emoticon

Thank you so much for this blog...we all need to get to the root and start growing from there.

emoticon emoticon

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TONISTRELEC 5/14/2010 9:07AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BERGIE8771 5/13/2010 4:07PM

    I appreciate you sharing this. I really agree is is easier to see someone else's mote rather than dealing with my own. I think I will start doing this in my own life. THANK YOU!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NANALD 5/13/2010 7:19AM

    Great blog! I think it probably hits home with a lot of us. Thanks!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEMINIJENNY25 5/13/2010 6:02AM

    you seem like an awesome guy. i understand wanting to protect your kids and save them from heartache. sometimes though it is best to just be there and let them find their own way. i have a hard time also, but now i think of something I heard once about if you rush in and fix everything for them it hurts their self confidence and makes tnem feel that you think they are not capable (when of course thats not what you mean to happen!). be there, but let go and let him know you have faith in him to grow & learn.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVEMYBOY64 5/12/2010 7:56PM

    I definitely needed that...Thanks John emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CLEARLY44 5/12/2010 4:02PM

    Great blog. A person must take care of themselves before they can take care of another. Also your son needs to do it with his own power and God. If you take care of his problems, you are robbing him of his ability to do it on his own and learn from it.

Take it from me. I was majorly into co-dependence with my son. He was addicted to pain meds and was mean to everyone. His grandma finally kicked him out and she moved away. He was homeless and found his way back. He now has a loving wife and cute daughter who loves him very much. I had to let him see that he could do it on his own. There are still rough patches, but we all have them in life. I have to believe that it was the right thing to do. Our kids will be here after us and must fend for themselves like us. But they know that we love them enough to let them figure it out on their own.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ZRAMOMMA 5/12/2010 11:10AM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It really struck a cord with me.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/12/2010 8:42AM

    Thank you for sharing this blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEARTSTOPPER 5/12/2010 12:40AM

   
Love it!

HS

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLOOMING52 5/12/2010 12:24AM

    Thank you for sharing your story.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KLOSH1 5/12/2010 12:22AM

    I love reading your blogs!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KLOSH1 5/12/2010 12:22AM

    I love reading your blogs!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIN59VARA 5/11/2010 11:07PM

    Wonderful

Report Inappropriate Comment
STARTINGALLOVER 5/11/2010 10:49PM

    Thank you friend for writing this.. it is so amazing to read in anothers words.. what describes ourselves. You are so right.. I too will charge off on a mission to help those that need help and to distract myself from hearing my own little voice..crying out that I too..need my help.
Your words are what many need to read. Thank you for sharing a painful moment in your life.
You are an a wonderful dad... and he is learning from you every second. You are giving him wings..but while he is learning to fly alone.. you are right under him with open arms in case he falls..
You are wonderful

Report Inappropriate Comment
JMCADE 5/11/2010 10:46PM

    great Blog. I know it is harder to see ourselves and do what we need to do fore ourselves and you really brought that home for me. I hope that I can be there someday if you need support, because your blogs have been support for me.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKANN 5/11/2010 10:44PM

    Wow... So true... How much time and energy I have expended putting things back together for other people--while my own body was falling apart. Thank you for sharing this, John. Very powerful words.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHANA100100 5/11/2010 10:10PM

    I'm humbled by the truth of this. It IS *so* much easier to focus on helping others (whether they want it or not) than taking care of ourselves. It is scary to face the insecurities, fears and limitless potential in ourselves. I'm trying to figure out how to face that myself. Your beautifully written blog is helping me move along that path.

Thank you for sharing this, and I'm wishing you and your family good health - especially the emotional kind.


Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMGETSSPARK 5/11/2010 7:51PM

    I needed some motivation today, so I clicked on Blogs. Wow! I am ever so glad that I had the chance to read this today! Thank you so much for being able to articulate in a way that makes us all feel!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JERRYRENE10 5/11/2010 7:38PM

    What I find incredible that I have been through the same thing, not the divorce but the I will handle it for you, but not deal with my own stuff. Thank you so much for writing it so eloquently and reminding me to take my own path and let others take theirs.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMAKNOWSBEST 5/11/2010 7:00PM

  I needed to read that today :) Thanks for sharing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WYWIWOMAN 5/11/2010 6:06PM

    This is not only a stunningly insightful blog, but you have written it so well. Every paragraph hit home - and whether it was being a woman/mother/social worker, I cared for all those others for many many years and didn't take the time for me. I buried the anger with myself for giving and not caring for myself, but that and a lot of other emotions finally emerged. I dealt with them and became ready to take my own journey. And now here I am. On my journey, still working to deal with emotions to keep them uncovered.

Thank you!!
How wonderful that Joan and you can walk your roads side by side. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WALKAWAY 5/11/2010 3:23PM

    emoticonblog. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm going to share this with a co-worker who is struggling.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEEDTOLOSE100LB 5/11/2010 1:46PM

    I will try and make sure I hold my light high each time you pass by my way.
God certainly knows our troubles, but He also sees our potential and He helps us to get there while He comforts us in our troubles.
Thank you for being so profound and so simple at the same time.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRISTY_704 5/11/2010 1:45PM

    What a great blog!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GIVWIG 5/11/2010 1:16PM

    I know you can't take care of anyone else if you don't first take care of yourself. It's a tough lesson to learn, but it's the truth. Have faith in the Lord. He knows how much you can handle and won't give you more than you can handle. Good luck in your journey!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOSINGERIN 5/11/2010 12:57PM

  Being there as a parent and fixing things for our children, no matter what the age, are totally different things. It is very difficult to draw that line and accept their journey is there own. Good for you for finding the strength through God to care for yourself. I believe it is the greatest gift we can give our children. I will pray for you and your family. God is so good. Thanks for sharing your tenderness.

Report Inappropriate Comment
STARINTHESKY 5/11/2010 12:55PM

    OMG amazing blog! I am POWERLESS over other people. God shows this to me in many ways INCLUDING your blog post! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KELLIGIRL523 5/11/2010 12:54PM

    Profound. Thank you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALLENDIANA 5/11/2010 9:55AM

    what a great blog- this really applies to my life. I have a son who is 24 and terminally ill. It has been a rough road to say the least but I am learning to accept it and move on with my life. I am learning that I can not control what is going to happen but I can work on me and the changes I need to make in my life to be a better person and to support my other children as they too are having to learn with the inevitable fact that their brother is going to die... it is not easy on them and I have to be the strong one to help carry them along the way.

Thanks for sharing such a great story.

Diana~

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMAXSON 5/11/2010 9:43AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOTTIEJANE1 5/11/2010 9:21AM

    Hay John it sure is hard for parents toremove themselves from there child(children) and let them move forward, but we all need to. Children mist walk there path as we walk ours God Bless us all.Good luck, stay strong ,and take care.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAWNDMOORE40 5/11/2010 8:59AM

    Isn't life funny sometimes? We get so focused on those we love and care about, that we rarely have time for our own lives. It sounds like you realized what was happening and wanted to make it better! I hope that things are better now! Have a good day and stay motivated! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
2BEEFIT 5/11/2010 7:57AM

    John, God bless you and your son. I wrote a similar blog a few days ago; speaking of avoidance and how we focus on others to take our minds off of us. Good luck.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARCYNA 5/11/2010 6:04AM

    This is wonderful.
'Do what you have to and I'll care for the rest'
Your son is in God's hand...and He'll beautifully care for him as well as for you.
It's a matter of growing in Faith.
Just pray for him, his daughter and his ex-wife..you'll see wonders.
Big Hugs
Ps I'll pray for Matt, too.

Report Inappropriate Comment
REGAN49 5/11/2010 3:36AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NYARAMULA 5/11/2010 2:23AM

    Wonderful blog, thanks for sharing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKENISTA 5/11/2010 12:13AM

    John--As a parent, it is a knee-jerk reaction to come running to the rescue like a knight in shining armor or Maid Marion--whichever fits. This is a very notable insight.

The other thing I am discovering, as the mother of a 21-year-old is that as the active, hands-on parent of a child I was in the driver's seat. If something went wrong I went up to the school to straighten it out. I called the other parent. I even did a study on bullying in my son's school.

But now, the difficult part is not being in the driver's seat, but the back seat. Now, for better or worse, they are driving the car and all we can do is go along for the ride and maybe advise them on the direction or speed if they will listen. I'm having a very hard time with this, as are my friends and neighbors.

Thank G-d my son is a great kid. But how about his friend who got the nickname "93" b/c the police clocked him driving @ that speed? How about kids who make other bad choices. All we can do is be there to support and pick up the pieces.

I am going out on a limb here and thinking that you are not clairvoyant. There is no way you could have known, when your son got married, how it would end up. And even if you could have known, or did know, to a certainty, you can be your bottom dollar he would have married her, anyway.

Therefore, I can see that you are doing the right thing by focusing on yourself and growing in self-knowledge every single day. You have clearly chosen wisely when you found and kept Joan. You have raised a strong, independent son who happens to be going through a tough patch of long duration. You have done your job. Now take care of yourself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TERESATUCK2 5/10/2010 11:54PM

    You are amazing. Thank you for your blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHER11 5/10/2010 11:42PM

    Thank you John

I really enjoy your blog today and with much feeling and heart I see the lights on the path we all share together.

God bless

Sher emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEEMAWEST 5/10/2010 9:19PM

    WOW, John, this blog really hit home with me.

Several years ago my son was involved in drugs and I thought I was going to lose him forever. I tried and tried to "fix" him. I had many sleepless nights and made myself sick with worry. As his mother, wasn't it my job to make it all better?

When I finally removed myself from the situation, my son finally got healthy. I had to let him do it himself and just take care of me. I cannot fix the world. Only myself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CATHERINEL66 5/10/2010 9:17PM

    John, such a great blog today! I have a 20 year old son who lives out of state. One of the hardest lessons for me to learn as a Mom was to let him walk his own path, experience his own lessons. If he'd only listen to me, LOL!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEANPOD77 5/10/2010 7:02PM

    This really moved me..I hope your son realizes what a gem he has for a father..And I am happy you are coming to terms with the realization that you must take care of yourself so you can continue to take care of others..I loved your "lights along the road" analogy..Truly inspirational., and something I will take with me.Thank you!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SAFFSTAR 5/10/2010 5:02PM

    Thank you John, every day your words inspire me and give me pause for (positive) thought. I wish you and your family all the very best. Last year I went through a tough time and found that the best thing for me was spending time with those family and friends who were happy in their own skin and had positive news to tell me about their lives - I knew they cared about me without them constantly focusing on my problems. Time spent with them was time away from my worries and reminded me that bad times do pass. You're giving the best gift to your son by giving him a happy and inspirational Dad

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IDALUKE 5/10/2010 3:26PM

    That is so true!!! We should always help the one's we love, but we should never forget about yourself, which I did when I was married. didn't care how I look, or about my weight because husband was so jealous

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUDIL62 5/10/2010 3:13PM

    Amen! Love your blogs....in this one this statement rang loud and resonated in my head!

"I became exhausted trying to right the wrongs and then never had the energy to deal with me."

We help those we love better when we take care of ourselves too. It's a great lesson, and I find that the example we set for them is just as important as anything, so by taking care of yourself you send your son a very strong message.



emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MYSHARONA6 5/10/2010 2:56PM

    If you don't take care of yourself, then you are in no condition to help others. That is an important message.

Report Inappropriate Comment
STORMTMB 5/10/2010 2:47PM

    John, you and Joan, your very wise wife, are already giving something very important to your son - an example of a long-standing and loving marriage. Matt may trust no one right now and, yes, it may take a long, long time, but by your example, he knows true and lasting and faithful love is possible. You are doing A LOT for him by your example as a husband and father. Keep on praying and he will find his own way. Probably when he least expects it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATTISUE45 5/10/2010 2:34PM

 

YES....Give your problems over to the Lord. What an awesome blog. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMBERROGUE 5/10/2010 1:26PM

    It's great to hear another's perspective. Here you are, the father trying to help your child. Here I am, the child just trying to live my life the way I see fit, with my father trying to control it. Maybe he's trying so hard now because he wasn't there for so long and doesn't trust himself to have instilled in me the ability to think for myself and trust myself.
That he didn't teach me how to think for myself and trust myself just exacerbates the problem. I learned how to think in college, when he first started waking up and taking notice of the things around him. I distanced myself. I had to, or I would have been swept along with the tide like I had allowed myself for my entire life.

And now that he has a masters in family counseling and has his own practice and is the minister of his church, he thinks - perhaps HOPES is a better word here - that I'm going to come running back.

You're right. It's not the parent's battle to fight. We must find our own ways in life. I've found a path that I am happy and content with. And I'm standing up for my path in my emailed arguments with my father that started about a week ago and have continued daily.

That I'm arguing with him or that I differ greatly in opinion and lifestyle doesn't mean that I don't love him. I do, or I would simply delete his emails without reading them, let alone responding to them.

Thanks for directing me to your blog. I enjoyed it, and look forward to reading more.

Best,
Amber

Comment edited on: 5/10/2010 1:27:51 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment


For The Mom's

Sunday, May 09, 2010

My mother quit school when she was sixteen. Her father had died, it was the Depression and she had a younger sister. There were no programs to assist families back then. She did, as she so often told us, what she had to do. She never looked back, she never complained. She went to work at a dairy and worked there until she met my father some seven years later. I was born ten months after my mom and dad’s were married. My dad worked three jobs and my mom raised four kids. We weren’t poor, we weren't rich. We had three meals a day, sturdy clothes and a roof over our heads. If we were supposed to be unhappy someone forgot to tell me. Other than the occasional fights with my brother and sisters my life could be called pretty normal.

I was never greeted at the door by a woman wearing pearls and a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I don’t ever recall my mom saying or doing anything that could be categorized as inspirational. She was my mom. I got a feeling that she was, and still is, in a category most moms are in. She may never have looked across the table with an inspirational quote; she simply taught me the things that are of value in my life.

She taught me to always tell the truth, never to steal, or cheat anyone. She taught me to respect people, young, old or in between.

My mom is a very spiritual person but you wouldn’t know it if you talked to her. She said if you make a big deal out of things then you already got your reward. Better to pray, be quiet and wait for good things to happen. She taught us our prayers. She and my dad still go to Mass every morning. They are seventy eight and eighty six. Until my dad's vision started going bad a few years ago they walked to and from church daily, about two miles round trip.

I thought of my mom yesterday when i read a by C.S. Lewis it says; "The thing is to rely on God… Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God; you have to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done."

That’s my mom. Every day you start over and every day you start with a clean slate. You work real hard and good things happen to you.

The success my mom had in life, she said, came from raising four decent children, who know the difference between right and wrong. I'll bet your moms the same.
I am almost fifty seven, yet every time I get sick I call my mom. She listens and then says "You'll live." I roll over and go back to sleep knowing I’ll be okay, because my mom said I would.

They are simple values, values that sometimes get lost in the modern mix. Today is an opportunity to reflect on what my mom taught me and issue myself a report card on how well I have done in learning.

Male or female we all share one common value: We all have moms. Some of you are lucky enough to be a mom. What a blessed and amazing opportunity you have to share who you are, with a child and help mold their future, just like yours and mine were molded.

I know I am right, coz my mom says so.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NICE125 5/13/2010 8:16PM

  Thanks for this blog John.

But are you a writer in real life?? your blogs are good!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAWNBROKE 5/11/2010 8:23PM

    Thanks, John. You are blessed to still have your mom and dad.

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 5/11/2010 12:59PM

    I am reading this a couple of days after Mother's Day, and it is bringing tears to my eyes! No wonder you turned out to be the man you are. Your mom is very proud of you, no doubt in my mind! What a gift you both are to EACH OTHER! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
STARLIGHT615 5/11/2010 9:29AM

    That was wonderful John! Thank you!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TINKERBELL200 5/10/2010 2:22AM

    Very cute John! I enjoyed it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNE-ELIZ 5/10/2010 1:24AM

    That was beautiful. Thanks, John.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHER11 5/9/2010 10:12PM

    Thank you John for your thoughts and memories you have shared.
God bless you and all your family. You have given me a smile so big and brought me to remember many memories of my own Mother, Grandmother and my family too.
My hardest work but my best work is the work I have in my two sons and I thank God everyday for them.

emoticon Best wishes on your journey!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PAULA3420 5/9/2010 8:28PM

    This blog has given me chills a lump in my throat and many head shaking moments of Yes, I agree.

What, I liked the best is when Mom said; "You'll live!" RIGHT ON

How true. Loved it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOLLBABE56 5/9/2010 7:51PM

    Thanks John. I feel the same about my mom.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JURI62 5/9/2010 6:59PM

    Beautiful blog John, made me laugh, brought tears to my eyes...
I miss my Mom everyday and know she's watching over us..and am
blessed with two daughters of my own...and now two stepsons.
God Bless! Judy

Report Inappropriate Comment
GREENCAT1 5/9/2010 5:50PM

    Well said John. Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman. You are very blessed to have her. I have six children and i feel so privileged to be their mother. Next to may marriage it has been the biggest miracle in my life.

Love,
Cathy emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GETFIT2LIVE 5/9/2010 4:56PM

    Thanks for sharing about your mom, John; give her an extra hug today from me, she sounds a lot like mine. My mother passed away just over five years ago, and I still miss her.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUST_TRI_IT 5/9/2010 4:56PM

    Nice to know that you call your mom even now when you are sick! That is very sweet... She done good! and so have you :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAE_HENNINGTON 5/9/2010 3:19PM

  Thank you John for this most uplifting blog. Mothers teach us so much mostly by example and not so much what is said but what is acted upon. My mother gave me some wonderful gifts. Most likely many that she didnt even realize she was doing... Actions really do speak louder than words.What a blessing for you to still have your mother with you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMYTATH 5/9/2010 1:04PM

    Im not a high maintenance Mom either but Im a very proud Mom. VERY proud of my lil man and hope to instill in him those important values. Today we are building a car from the box one of my gifts came in. Not expensive but an experience with him I'll always remember even if he is too young to remember it himself.

Thanks for the reminder that Moms dont have to be perfect to be a good Mom

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JJSSKINNYGIRL 5/9/2010 12:47PM

    Thank you for the very nice blog. Heart warming to be exact and made me think about how different the children today are compared to how you and your mother where when you where young. You didn't complain about not having much. I see it every day, a kid/teen throwing a fit because of something they don't have.

This is simple: "It's not about having what you want, it's about wanting what you've got!"

I LOVE that phrase, I live by it and I try to teach it to my children every day. You know what? They don't complain about things they don't have!

CHEERS to all the Mothers out there! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEVORA4 5/9/2010 12:46PM

  well written. My mother too was not the kind you saw on Father Knows Best or Leave It To Beaver. {I mean no frilly apron and not wearing high heels and having had her hair just done at the local beauty shop. She only went to the 7th grade and yet she was an extremely smart lady. She also had to work because her father died at an early age.}

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHEILAKHS1 5/9/2010 12:31PM

    nice blog John ..you are so right my mom and my dad for that matter taught us great values they were there and still are no matter what...today is a great day to reflect on those values and i hope i give even half of those values to my kids have a great day and enjoy

Report Inappropriate Comment
TAMMYFOX3 5/9/2010 12:21PM

    Thank god for our moms they are so wise!! I to want my mom when i am sick or feeling bad the word of her wisdom always pull me through and you know they are always there!!! My mom always says God never gives you more than you can handle, it is for you to learn and to grow from and i really believe this!!! God bless you and your mom and my mom too!!!! emoticonMoms hold their childrens hand for a while, but holds their hearts forever!! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/9/2010 12:29:50 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKENISTA 5/9/2010 12:17PM

    We moms may not be very glamorous, but we get the job done. Thanks for this blog, John! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 Last Page