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Five Months of Sparking: Patience, Being Proactive and Being Positive

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I caught the Spark five months ago this weekend. I have made many friends here and learned many things about myself and about my journey towards health. If I had to summarize what I have learned and continue to learn it would go something like this:

I am learning PATIENCE
When Joan and I were married in 1974 (Long before a lot of you were born!) I weighed one hundred sixty pounds. Thirty five years later the day I began to Spark I weighed three hundred twenty six pounds. In thirty five years I had doubled myself and not I a good way I might add. It took me thirty five years to create all those habits and strategies that allowed all that weight gain. It is going to take a bit longer than five months to create new behaviors that will reverse that trend. I know I am on the right path. I have lost right at sixty four pounds during that time. The last three weeks have caused me to scratch my head a bit - - - A two pound gain, a five pound loss and this week I stayed the same as the week before. I reminded myself that my body is going through a lot of changes, all of them good ones. It needs time to adjust and in order for that to happen I need to be patient.

I have found that looking at my goals rather than my progress helps me slow down, take deep breaths and remember why I am here. It also helps to celebrate what I have achieved and plan to achieve more. I am in the process of becoming healthy and a process is not a program! Programs start and end. This process will go on for the rest of my life. I am not going to fail. It’s no longer an option.

I am learning to be PROACTIVE
News flash Sparkies, no one takes care of you any better than you and if you sit in the corner and cry about the fact you are fat, well then you are going to get awfully lonely, if you are not already!!! I have to be my best advocate and I have to make sure I get the positive attention I deserve to help me become healthier tomorrow than I am today.

It means that I have to face the music about things other than diet and exercise that are holding me back. I have to face those obstacles and then find help by either over coming them or learning to deal with them. No more blaming the environment, my upbringing, my family, my friends, etc. As a matter of fact there is no more blaming period, especially of me. I am obese.

The question becomes “What am I going to do about it?”

I am no longer ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help or guidance. When I want to know something about diet or exercise I write a blog that that basically says “Hey guys I want to know more about……..” And you all answer and then I know what my options are. The trainers at our gym know me as the guy who is now eternally saying, “I gots a question for you.” It may refer to how to use a piece of equipment or an exercise I can do to stretch an aching muscle or two. I want to know. Truth be known, some of them give me a five word answer and walk away but most of them take the time to help me because I am showing an interest in myself.

Despite what that bald headed charlatan on television may say it is all about you. The thing we have shoved food in for so long, that thing called a mouth? That mouth is for you to ask, wonder and learn with so you can be the wonderful you that you are.

(From time to time I wonder just how much I really fracture the English language.)

I am learning to be POSITIVE
The harder I work the more encouraged I become. The more of you I spend time with you the healthier my mind becomes. If you know me at all you know my mantra is “You are who you hang around with.” I hang around with courageous, committed, beautiful people who share my common goal: To be everything I can be.
Some days I look in the mirror and even though my mind sees a really slender me, the mirror doesn’t. It can get discouraging. I could give up or…………. I could say a prayer, read one of your really great blogs and find a friend who may need my help and assistance.

Zig Ziglar, the motivational speaker once said “You will get what you want when you help other people get what they want.” I believe that. I will find my happiness and my success through all the people in my life that are looking for the same things I am. If I started detailing everyone here at Spark who has helped me these past five months I would surely forget someone because there are thousands of you. Suffice to say, if you are reading this, you are one of my posse, LOL.

Finally, and this is just a recent revelation, my life is not ruled by a number on a scale. It is ruled by my desire to be happy and to spread that happiness to other people. My definition of success has always been “To help good people become better.”

I know include myself in that definition

You should also.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIRANIMAL 5/20/2010 11:43AM


You know you are on the right track when you can keeping moving forward after a few weeks of unexpected and mind-boggling scale activity. That's why it is key not to be focused only on that number. Thanks for that reminder! (I've had a similar few yo-yo weeks.)

I am STILL, for so many years, learning patience and positivity too. They'll take us so far! I often marvel at how and why it can be so difficult to practice something so good for us.

Happy 5-month anniversary, and keep up the amazing Spark work!


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TRIPLE_EMME 5/20/2010 10:58AM


Happy 5 month Sparkversary!

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DUTCHIEKIWI 5/18/2010 1:26AM

    happy mini anniversary John ;0)

We lkearn more every time we spark around.

Glad to call you my friend!

Love Dutchie


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SING4MYFOOD 5/17/2010 11:35PM

    Thank you! This was forwarded to me too, & you have a lot of great things in this blog.

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PASTORWILEY62 5/17/2010 11:25PM

    Thank you this was actually forewarded to me and has helped me much thanks Pastor Brenda

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2BEATIT1 5/17/2010 11:13PM

    Your blog certainly is inspirational and encouraging to the rest of us who struggle.
Thanks for being vulnerable enough to be a help to others.
God bless you
2BEATIT1 emoticon

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JUDIL62 5/17/2010 12:04PM


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AZCUPCAKE 5/17/2010 11:17AM

    Golden, golden, golden!! Your words truly are worth their weight in gold. I LOVE the reference you make to a process not being a program, but a way to live the rest of your life. WOW. What a mind-boggling concept for those of us who just think that Point A hooks up to Point B and once you reach your "destination," then you can get off of the track and move in the same straight line while wandering around off-course! INSANITY!

All I can say is: Thank you for your eloquence in gently stating the OBVIOUS that is OBVIOUSLY not so easy to hear or follow for stubborn folk like me~! Slowly the scales (no pun intended!) are falling away from my eyes!

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MARCYNA 5/17/2010 3:57AM

    'Imagination is more important than knowledge'
A. Einstein
Keep on imagining that slender you!!!!
Love emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/17/2010 3:58:59 AM

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ANNASBF 5/17/2010 1:34AM

    I like your idea of taking responsibility for your weight, life, happiness... all that neat stuff... while pushing away the idea of holding yourself down with self-hatred, blame, and all those punishing ideas that become an excuse to open mouth insert food! Stop waiting for someone to find us worthy and do it for myself.. and pass it forward, too! Somebody wiser than me said that humility is the first step on the road to wisdom... and asking for help requires just that! Thanks for a very thought provoking blog!

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SPARKENISTA 5/16/2010 11:39PM

    You have done an amazing job over the last five months. If Zig Zigler is right, you are the man! emoticon

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ANNE-ELIZ 5/16/2010 10:32PM

    Yet another insightful blog!

Congratulations on five months! emoticon

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HAWAIILINDA 5/16/2010 9:51PM

    Congradulations on 5 mths of SP, the changes you have made and all that you have learned. Thank you for sharing it with us!

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SHEILAKHS1 5/16/2010 8:59PM

    i hope to someday be as positive as you i find it hard to find the good in me but i am trying hard to change that along with changing the rest of my lifestyle

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CARRAND 5/16/2010 8:51PM

    Great blog. I could echo many of your thoughts.

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JPRICE217 5/16/2010 7:08PM

    Good blog as always look forward to your blogs everyday and I am never disappointed. Thank you.

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LUCYSRAIN 5/16/2010 6:52PM

    Another Great Blog!


If you only know how much your words resonate with me!

Your making a difference...Congratulations on a successful 5 months!

emoticon emoticon


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ROTTLADY 5/16/2010 6:49PM

    Your weight loss for such a short time is impressive. It took me a year to take 70 pounds off. I knoow I am dealing with poor eating and stress eating demons and that I need to make change for life and to make healthy choices and to be smart and think before I eat. emoticon for sharing and for motivating us here at Spark.

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BEANPOD77 5/16/2010 6:15PM

    You continue to inspire..Thank you!

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RONDAJONES 5/16/2010 5:53PM

    John...I know you have helped me deal AND dig up a bunch of demons that need to be dealt with! Thanks..really, though, THANKS! The church sermon was just for me!

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TINKERBELL200 5/16/2010 5:15PM

    John, you have done such an awesome job in 5 months. It took me a 1 1/2 to lose 50 lbs. Keep doing what your doing...Never give up! Know that you are helping people and inspire them, just be blogging and being brutally honest with your struggles. You can do it!!
Thanks for sharing!

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JUST_TRI_IT 5/16/2010 3:43PM

    Amazing what five months can produce!!! Way to go John :

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    Thanks, John, I do. I dedicated my life to helping others long ago like you did. And I am truly happy. Peace and love.

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LORRAANN77 5/16/2010 1:46PM

    Right on! Great blog, thanking for sharing it with us here. Keep up the great work :)

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MAKULEWAHINE 5/16/2010 1:01PM

    What a great blog. I needed to read that this morning. Lots of stress and trying to ignore it instead of dealing with it. Sigh.

By the way, I think the English language is meant to be fractured. My mother was an English teacher in the land of pidgin English. Our favorite annoyance was to fracture as much of the language as possible. What IS important is that you put down your thoughts and revelations in a way that others can relate to them and learn and be supported by them. Thanks!

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SNORRIS40 5/16/2010 11:49AM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the first five months. I love reading your blogs because they are so positive and remind me to think of other aspects besides the "needle on the scale". I am honoured to have you as a Spark friend! emoticon

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DOLLBABE56 5/16/2010 11:43AM

    Wow, I haven't heard the name Zig Ziglar in a long time! lol I'm right there with you John. Being positive and proactive take a lot of hard work. Sometimes I lose my way - but with friends like you and my other sparkers, I always find my way back.

Comment edited on: 5/16/2010 11:49:04 AM

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GEEMAWEST 5/16/2010 11:40AM

    Oops! double post, sorry.

Comment edited on: 5/16/2010 11:41:04 AM

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GEEMAWEST 5/16/2010 11:40AM

    Congrats on 5 months! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. You're helping a lot of folks with your wise words (fractured or not). LOL

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SAPPHIRE983 5/16/2010 11:23AM

    Yay! emoticon SP has taught many of us about ourselves and things we would have never found out without.

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DOLLIE6 5/16/2010 10:55AM

    I agree. Have a wonderful day.

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AKATUJE 5/16/2010 10:50AM

    emoticon on coming this far in five months!!! And emoticon as always, for a great blog. I really like the mantra.... You are who you hang with. Hanging with great people.... Something will rub off. You are one of those I love to hang out with, way too much wisdom!!!

And congratulations on all those years in marriage. I find that inspiring.... I just made 5.


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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/16/2010 10:44AM

  Your insights are always right on target and I thank you for sharing them with us and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to help others... you are an inspiration to me. I look forward to your blogs every morning... have a beautiful Sunday

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Success and Recognition and When It's Worth It All

Saturday, May 15, 2010

You log your food, faithfully calculate your exercise program. You get enough rest, remain active and balance your caloric intake. You get on the scale once a day, once a week, or once a month. You measure your arms, your thighs and your waist. You do all this stuff faithfully and you start all over again tomorrow morning. It becomes routine and you learn that changing your life style means that what you do becomes part of your day and while you are happy and satisfied with all of your progress it can become, well it can become awfully ordinary.

Oh, you do not have to convince me of the benefits. I am well aware of them, but some days it just seems like, well there is a line from a movie of the same name and it says “What if this is a good as it gets?” Then you get surprised. When you least expect it, when you start to wonder………

The gym Joan and I belong to is part of our local hospital system. Appropriately enough it is called The Health Park. Besides the fact that its five minutes from our house it is a good facility staffed with good people. About a month ago they sent out one of those customer satisfaction surveys. I not only filled out the survey but stapled on an attachment. I told them how I felt that along with my family, my doctor and my friends they had played a real integral part in my journey. I detailed how they had helped.

Yesterday morning as I was feeling sorry for myself about God’s know what now, my phone rings. On the other end was the membership director of the Health Park. She told me how she had read my letter and was impressed with my journey. She went on to tell me that a few times a year they print a supplement that goes in our Sunday newspaper. They usually profile a member who has had some success. Would I like to be that member in June? I was speechless. She told me they would set up a photo shoot and arrange for a reporter to contact me for an interview.

“I don’t know you personally know you John,” she said. “But I understand from my staff you are quite an inspiration.”

I almost had to pull the car over to the side of the road. I started calling everyone I could think to call. I got home, changed clothes and did my C25K training and yeah I hurt a bit but I had this huge grin on my face. I WAS A SUCCESS.

I couldn’t help but think about a quote from a new friend here TRACEY5280. She wrote a response to my blog yesterday. She said “A quote I saw yesterday - "the bad news is that you are the problem, the good news is that you are the solution". That is so true.”

Amen. Enough said

Those days in the gym, passing up the cookies, cakes and pies, the sore joints? They suddenly became worth it all. I had achieved a success in my life and if I had one then I can have two and maybe three and then God knows how many. So I will hold this in my heart and I will enjoy it and I will realize that it is all worth it and it will carry me through until my next success, which I am coming to believe is right around the corner.
So is yours. When you least expect it.

I will publish the link to the article when it is published

Have a good Saturday.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLYNINJOY1 5/30/2010 3:07AM

    Fantastic. Loved your blog.

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WIGIME 5/21/2010 5:14AM

    How wonderful John! You must be so proud, congratulations and a big Woo Hoo!

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TRIPLE_EMME 5/20/2010 11:00AM


Please do publish the link when the article is published!


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GLENSGIRL40 5/19/2010 7:40AM

Sounds like "someone" knew you needed some inspiration...and you got it. Congratulations & enjoy every moment!

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DAVEW175 5/17/2010 6:27PM

    Congratulations John. I've just discovered your page and have really enjoyed reading your blog. Keep it up!

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WANDAH3 5/16/2010 10:23AM

    You are a success John...what a lovely tribute to all the hard work you are putting into becoming the healthy person that you desire to be. Congratulations.


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FERNASHES 5/16/2010 8:26AM

    You're a success story! That's got to feel awesome... and give a whole lot of motivation. Congratulations - and don't underestimate what you mean to others, too!

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IFDEEVARUNS2 5/16/2010 8:22AM

    How wonderful to get this recognition. I can just see you running with a grin on your face..... emoticon

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KATIEGLEN012 5/16/2010 12:27AM

    This news has me smiling from ear to ear! How wonderfully fun! Won't it just be great to spread the news? Life can change, one ordinary day at a time.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRACEY5280 5/15/2010 10:42PM

    John, I am thrilled to read that others recognize the "spark" you bring to a journey traveled by so many! That is awesome! Can't wait to see the article :)

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JENMCALLISTER 5/15/2010 10:35PM

    Cool beans! There is nothing like someone taking notice of your accomplishments. Can't wait to see the article!!

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CATHERINEL66 5/15/2010 9:15PM

    Congrats!! Funny how YOU attracted this acknowledgement of your success to you by reaching out with that attachment ... you went the extra mile, and wow, instant karma came your way!

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JPRICE217 5/15/2010 8:52PM

    emoticon job it does not supprise me that they want to publish an artice abouy you . You are so good.

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HAWAIILINDA 5/15/2010 6:59PM

    Congratulations John, you are a success and an ispiration! I will look forward to reading the article when it is available. Way to go!

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JUST_TRI_IT 5/15/2010 6:42PM

    Congratulations John... Not only do you inspire us here on SP, but you are inspiring those in your own community. KEEP UP YOUR GREAT work.. (blogs, work outs, feeling good, listening to your wise wife, Joan LOL )

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WE_PA_FIT 5/15/2010 5:19PM

    and now you will continue to inspire so many more so they too can reach their success.

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HDHAWK 5/15/2010 4:45PM

    Congratulations John! You are so deserving! I think you are a success each and every day when you share your wonderful blogs with all of us! emoticon

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SAFFSTAR 5/15/2010 4:31PM

    Hi John, I'm so glad you're getting some of the recognition you deserve. I know that you get many, many comments on your blogs but I hope you realise just how much your words and progress truly inspire us, your readers. I registered on Spark because I want to nip my weight gain in the bud - I don't have a lot to lose or an important health issue pushing me to be better, I know that I could very easliy say, "Ah, forget it - I'll lose the weight for Christmas/my birthday/tomorrow-that-never-comes" but I'm sticking to this and you are a major contributor to that. I look forward to your blog every day and, every day, your words inspire me to move my ass and not reach for that chocolate. Thanks John, you are a star motivator and I'm so happy that you're undertanding that so many people around you see this xxx

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CMBELISLE 5/15/2010 4:31PM

    Congrats John! You totally deserve it. You have done great and you are such an inspiration to others.

Keep up the great work and have an awesome weekend.

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HONORINGGOD 5/15/2010 3:54PM

    john you have all ready inspired many of here at spart with your honestness . im glad you are being givensuch a great opportunity to spread the spark ,but 1st to give God the glory who has given us a 2nd ,3rd, 4th,chance to have a healthy life style .thank you for being a spark friend emoticon

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UNIBOK 5/15/2010 3:35PM

    Can't wait to see the article, John! What a terrific confirmation of your efforts and successes!

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ROSE5328 5/15/2010 3:34PM


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MARCYNA 5/15/2010 3:32PM

    Worth it all, worth it all.
One day we will receive the prize for all the good actions we've done and I think we'll be with a huge grin on our faces.
May you be Blessed emoticon

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    Congratulations. This is wonderful news. And you know what it means. There is no turning back for you ever. No giving up. Now you are an example to others - in print. Onward. LOL.

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/15/2010 1:08PM

    Well done, John--congratulations! Yours is definitely a 'success story' that deserves to be heard by a wider audience; who knows who will see the story in the paper and think, if he could do it, maybe I can, too. Giving others hope and inspiring them to try once more or keep going is perhaps the best part of this journey; we do it for ourselves, but if we can help others along the way, it is so much more meaningful. I'll look forward to reading the article when it's published!


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GERIKRAGH 5/15/2010 12:36PM

    It's amazing what can happen when we least expect it. God finds a way to prop us up when we're feeling sorry for ourselves or are down.

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RENA1965 5/15/2010 11:45AM

    You rock! Keep at it..

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KLEONIKI 5/15/2010 11:43AM

    It is so nice and hopeful when one of us meets face to face with H.M. Recognition .
Of course it is better when this happens unexpectedly!
I am happy not that you are a success , dear friend
(we ve already known well that )
but because those around you FINALLY named you SUCCESSFUL.
Sometimes, even though we know it deep inside, even though we can figure it out by simple reasoning,
it is GOOD TO HEAR IT !!!
My warm congratulations for the smile you ve managed to add to this difficult journey!
Your blog came in a very lonesome moment of mine and built a new bridge of hope and expectation .Thank you for reminding me it is worth while waiting...

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ACTIVE_AT_60 5/15/2010 11:14AM

    You rock my man!!! Kudo's to you for taking the journey - for writing back - and with the article in the newspaper - you are paying it forward.

Keep up the good work!!!

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PRINCESSNURSE 5/15/2010 11:01AM

    Congratulations! It is a well deserved honor--you inspire me every day!

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SHEILAKHS1 5/15/2010 10:58AM

    Awesome JOHN !!! everyday you are my inspiration i read your blogs and get positive each and everyday even on the days i am feeling sorry for myself i know i can go to your page and brighten my day....thanks for being my motivator to keep myself moving forward

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DOLLIE6 5/15/2010 10:50AM

    Wow, congratulations. Now aren't you glad that you stuck to your plan. I love rewards. You never know when you are helping people are when you will be called on to help someone. If you had not stuck to your plan you would not be in the position you are in now helping people. It makes the rest of us want to stay on our program where we can be used however we are needed.
Don't you forget us when you get famous. Joke, Joke, I know you would not. Have a wonderful weekend.

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WEEZIE1122 5/15/2010 10:17AM

    I knew it! First it's the local paper, next thing you know, it's Oprah.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/15/2010 10:18:41 AM

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 5/15/2010 10:08AM


That's Amazing John!!! Way to go!! Your photo shoot should be interesting. If they'll allow you, you can ask for copy's of all the photos they take. Most papers will at least put them on a disk for you. Just a thought!!

As always Great Blog John!!


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VTORIA3 5/15/2010 10:04AM

    The recognition of you as an inspiration is well earned, John. You are reflecting and enjoying this journey, as you should. I am real proud of you John, as we fellow Sparkers know how hard it can be. Your success, and my happiness and pride for you, has me doing the "happy dance" right along with you. Your success, is our success, too, and you have made my day!

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ELIZABETH525 5/15/2010 9:50AM

    Awesome! You just joined the ranks of published success!!! Not many people get there! I hope one day I do so I can inspire others just like you have inspired all of us!

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AZCUPCAKE 5/15/2010 9:46AM

    Uh, oh -- we will have to learn to SHARE YOU with the "general public" once the Sunday supplement is published! Haha! Congratulations, John! You have earned this accolade! I am so happy that your light will be emanating from a new source!! Your wife is a remarkable person, too -- she is your number one shipmate on this journey of yours! Congratulations to Joan, too!!

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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/15/2010 9:44AM

  and why am I not are an inspiration to us and to all who are lucky enough to have you touch their lives. I am happy for you

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JCDROLSHAGEN 5/15/2010 9:41AM

    Congratulations. Glad to hear that you are passing on the Spark to your community. emoticon

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JENNY888 5/15/2010 9:40AM

    Congratulations on this success. You have developed these daily habits that you hardly have to think about any more because they are habits and part of your life. That is why you now can feel like "Is that all there is". The challenge is gone, but the new achievements are not. It's a success like this that makes it worth while at this point. These successes can be both unexpected like this one, or ones that we have set as new goals when we have met our old goals. emoticon emoticon for the post today.

As MUSTANG_SALLY2 said above, you are inspiring many more people than you even know by your blog posts here on Spark.

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ALLEY2231 5/15/2010 9:31AM

    How inspirational!!! Congrats!!! emoticon

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/15/2010 9:30AM

    Congratulations! Well done!

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DOLLBABE56 5/15/2010 9:26AM

    How wonderful John.

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 5/15/2010 9:25AM

    Congratulations John. I am so excited for you. I hope you realize at least a small fraction of the people you are helping and encouraging with your blogs and your life. May God richly bless you today. Please ask your wife to give you a "thank you" hug from me. I am grateful for you!


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PRINCESSKIANE 5/15/2010 9:24AM

    emoticon emoticon thats awesome! good job!

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Over Coming My Biggest Obstacle ---- ME

Friday, May 14, 2010

Many years ago, when I worked in Human Resources I used to comment t that the real good things we accomplished no one ever knew about. They were all confidential. I used to feel good whenever we were able to help someone. No one ever knew we did it.

I thought about that yesterday as I was driving around between appointments. I get a lot of private comments on my blog postings, stuff that’s not posted for the public to see. To be honest some of it tears my heart out.

People will write me and ask me to “reach out” to a Spark person they may know who is having difficulty in their lives or who may be burdened. They hope I can inspire them to possibly overcome some type of adversity in their lives. I am not telling you all of this so you will think I am some grand and wise person. I am telling you this by way of explanation. There are a lot of “someone’s “who helped me. Some of them are here at Spark and some of them are people I have known forever. All I can do is be me and share my story. I can only hope and pray that might help someone else the way the things I have learned have helped me.

Deep breath

In 1989 I was hospitalized for panic/anxiety disorder and mild depression. I had suffered from this affliction for around two years and was hospitalized because a group of well intentioned doctors had medicated me to the point of being a zombie-like person. Joan hit the roof, with the doctors, when we went to Wal-Mart one Saturday and I simply stood smiling at The Kraft American Cheese display.

Fortunately, we had a close friend who was a rehab counselor and Joan and I went to see him and ask him what to do. I kept having panic attacks and the doctors kept increasing my medication. Ever seen a zombie have a panic attack? Our friend put me in touch with a doctor who simply told me I was on the wrong medication. Okay no problem. Off the meds we come. Small snafu here. He told me that based on the combination of medication I was on, that in all likelihood I would have severe seizure coming off of the meds. So he put me in the hospital.

One of “those” hospitals.

I spent ten days in a detoxification ward and while I didn’t have any seizures I did have an amazing and fantastic experience. If you are familiar with detox, you are segregated and you eat, sleep and live with ten other people in the same boat you are in. I met some heroes. I met some people who had so much adversity in their lives and they were struggling hard to overcome it. I sat side by side with people who kept struggling with the same chemical dependency over and over and kept coming back for one more try to get healthy and whole. I felt a little small, actually. Some of these folks had been struggling with life and death issues for years and I was the victim of some doctor’s error. I learned three things while I was there and they have served me well for the rest of my life.

The first was: “John quit being the victim.” Amazingly, when I got this through my thick skull my panic and anxiety attacks decreased dramatically. Yes, I had issues in my life that often went beyond my control and if you suffer from the same disorder you know what a royal pain a panic attack can be. I had to decide if it would control me or I would control it.

I was really no different than anyone else on the planet. I had issues. Playing the victim is an easy role. People feel sorry for us, they cut us a little bit of slack but one thing I found out was that while they are doing all this, they actually discount us and lose respect for us. Who’s inspired by someone sitting in the corner crying?
You may think I am being cruel. I am not. As they say “been there, done that and I got a major award to prove it.” Once all the drugs were out of my system my new doctor told me he didn’t believe in treating my disorder with medication unless it was completely debilitating. He told me “to go live my life and learn to cope with my issues.” I did and I have. I quit using it as an excuse to not get healthy and improve my life.

The second thing I learned is that you can be positive or you can be negative and it’s not going to change the situation you are in so you might as well be positive. I could sit here all day and tell you how I have turned really bad situations into really good ones, over time, by simply adjusting my outlook on life. There are people who hate to see me coming because I am always spreading sunshine. I just figure that there are enough people spreading gloom and doom, why shouldn’t I do just the opposite?

Third, if you have good friends, cherish them, feed them, water them and they will develop deep roots right alongside of you. During the ten days I was hospitalized I received one inquiry, other than Joan. It was from my best friend. She didn’t care what kind of hospital I was in or what I was in there for she only had one question, “What can I do?” She offered to help Joan out if she could and told me not to hesitate to call her no matter what time of the day or night.

Find a friend and be a friend. That’s the best advice I can give anyone.

I still have panic attacks. I live with them and I have learned some strategies to keep them at bay. They don’t rule my life. I overcame that obstacle and now I am dealing with my weight. I will overcome that obstacle too. I am not a victim, skinny, fat or otherwise. I am positive about my approach to this journey and truth be known I am enjoying it.

Finally I learned that if you want a lot of friends you have to be a friend. The first friend you need to make is you. You are your best friend. I’ll be there for you to cheer, to help, to guide and all that other neat stuff, but you and I will never stop playing the victim until we realize the issues we have in our lives and learn to first love ourselves. We need to see that all of this, good or bad is simply the life we live and it is indeed, what we make of it.

I could sit here until tomorrow making excuses for being overweight and unhealthy or I can, like the Nike commercial says “Just Do It.”

If I can do this, so can you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRENDY_28 6/15/2010 10:59PM

    thank you for sharing this. nice blog :)

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DARKTHOR 6/15/2010 7:37PM

    This was great and had a lot of messages that are good for me to be reminded about. Thanks for sharing.

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JCHRELLE_04 5/24/2010 7:00PM

    seems like everything I needed to hear, you said..
Thank you!

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JQZFY348 5/19/2010 9:09AM

  Thanks for Sharing. You are inspirational.

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SUSIE85251 5/19/2010 12:16AM

    I have dealt with panic attacks on and off, thankfully they are now mostly off now. I learned some deep breathing techniques and learned to feel the fear and do it any ways. It works for me most of the time.

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CINABEE 5/18/2010 8:23PM

    Really enjoyed readeing about you. It gave me a good kick in my rear. Thank you and good luck. I had several panic attacks too not fun. Life is what we make it be foe ourselfs.

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BLESSYOURUDY 5/18/2010 7:46PM


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MERALO 5/18/2010 9:49AM

    This is beautiful!

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SPARKANN 5/17/2010 11:33PM

    Thank you for sharing...

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LUCYSUNFLOWER 5/17/2010 8:33PM

    Thank you for sharing that with us. I am currently dealing with anxiety and some stressful life circumstances. I did some errands in town today and in watching other people it seems that everyone has somewhere to go and something to do. They have such PURPOSE. I am so in between right now, that I catch myself looking at everyone else as though they know something about life I don't know. You reminded me that we are all so much alike and can share much of the same pain. We just are used to masking it. Now when my stomach does that flip-floppy rolling thing I will tell myself that the dude at the 4-way stop could be dealing with it too. Big hugs to you!

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4DOGNIGHT 5/17/2010 5:13PM

    Good blog as usual! I take meds for depression and I feel like the cocktail of meds I am taking right now is working. i tried to reduce one in Jan uary this year and after one hellish month, decided it wasn't worth it. Now I feel great. Don't know when, if ever, I can get completely off but I'm happy for you. Doctors do over medicate, especially the elderly, like my 90 year old mom-in-law who takes a lot of pills but none are too strong and she is not taking heart or cholesterol meds which she took for years.

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MARIEPC 5/17/2010 4:53PM

    thank you so much for sharing your story, you are an inspiration we can all relate to.

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DANCEDAD67 5/17/2010 12:08PM

    Great blog! While I don't suffer from regular panic attacks, my children have been known to cause me to have them. I really appreciate your outlook because I try to have a similar one. So much of our society seems content to "be the victim," looking for someone or something to blame for their ills. Take responsibility and take action!

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CRAZETEACH 5/16/2010 12:19PM

    I am new here and this is the first blog I have read. WOW! Thank you!

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DIASTER 5/16/2010 9:41AM

  So now will you believe us when we tell you what an inspiration you are? That interview should prove how much your wisdom and common sense as well as your eloquent writing skills mean to us all. Thank you for your consistent encouragement.

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OZARKMARY 5/16/2010 6:35AM

    Awesome blog as always! You ROCK, John! emoticon

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HONORINGGOD 5/15/2010 11:14PM

    i hear you my friend &GOD bless you,i needed to read this

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JENMCALLISTER 5/15/2010 10:31PM

    John, I love this blog. It reminds me that no matter what life throws at you, you have to be strong and deal with it.

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  Honesty is truly a most attractive it on a woman or a man....and You...John are beautiful emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/15/2010 10:21:59 PM

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LOOKINGTOBEFIT 5/15/2010 10:15PM

    Thanks for such an awesome blog emoticon

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CATHERINEL66 5/15/2010 9:17PM

    Good job, John! I too have found the Dr's really go crazy prescribing for depression (and insomnia, in my case). Not to lessen anyone's issues, but I personally have found that vigorous exercise and pulling up my bootstraps to be preferable to meds ... unless the whole world is falling on my head at once, LOL!!

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BELLAMIMI1 5/15/2010 5:05PM


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CASSIOEPIA 5/15/2010 4:12PM

    Thank you for this blog today.

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JDMMAMMA 5/15/2010 3:51PM

    You're awesome! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REACHNDREAM 5/15/2010 2:19PM

    Powerful message here and very honestly put. Hoping you continue to JUST DO IT! You've been having great success. Keep up the super work and thanks for sharing such real and motivating life lessons.

Rise Above! emoticon

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SANDY000 5/15/2010 2:14PM

    Wow did I need that. I always say to others miracles happen every day you just have to keep your eyes open and take time to notice. You were my miracle today. I have never been the victim but had just recently begun to do so I will stop now. My mom,sister,grand-father etc.... all suffer from panic attacks luckily I have only had 2 in my 51 years and I never want to have another. Thank you Thank you Thank you for your post and the angel that lead me to read it today.


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MISSYGEEN 5/15/2010 2:14PM

    There is no testimony without a test. You have passed your test and others get the benefit of hearing and learning from your story. Thank You.

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GRINDRODA 5/15/2010 1:54PM

    Thank you.

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MRSJERRYBUSH 5/15/2010 1:37PM

    Hi! Just stopping in to say, "Your blog inspired me in a big way." And from the comments I can see how you inspired others. Good work!

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YVONNESCH 5/15/2010 1:11PM

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I truly needed to read it. I am not addicted to medication...but I have been receiving bad medical reports. I've been just about out of my mind. The reportscame in 3's. However, I will not say (why me?)
I'm not having a pity party.

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KRISTY_704 5/15/2010 12:06PM

    Great blog!

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SHEARS2U 5/15/2010 11:41AM

    This blog really hit home for me. I am so glad that I stubbled acrossed this. I as well suffer from anxiety and meds scare me, I been on so many that were wrong for me. I am as well learning how to deal with them, and NOT let them run my life. Ur blog was inspirational and I cant wait to read more.

Thank you !!!

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ELLEBE725 5/15/2010 10:42AM

    Thank you so much for your blog and your honesty ... emoticon

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LINDABENEDICT 5/15/2010 9:41AM

    Great blog. Thank you so much for your honesty ! You are such an inspiration !

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AZCUPCAKE 5/15/2010 9:39AM

    John, you have quickly become my daily muti-vitamin of positivity and productivity. I couldn't agree with you more regarding the solution to a majority of life's problems and issues -- DEAL with them! JUST DO IT!

Major hugs sent to you this morning. Every day you put in writing a prescription for a better life -- drug-free! THAT, my friend, is PRICELESS.

To make a friend, be a friend. You sure have mastered that concept exceptionally well. Thank you for being my friend! emoticon

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KATIEGLEN012 5/15/2010 7:09AM

No one develops the compassion you have without the "lessons" to learn it! While I am saddened by your trials, I also know that without them you would not be the you I know. All of us have issues. You accurately stated that our choice is not to be issue free, but to decide how we will deal with them...positively or negatively. I laughed when you said that some hate to see you come with all your positiveness. I remember my daughter coming home from high school one day and telling me about a hypothetical choice she had been offered in a class...she said that all she could think about was what I would have and all my positiveness!!!!! She was so annoyed with me and I wasn't even part of the session! I am happy to report she has worked hard at seeing the glass as half full!

I love how you are handling your life and not letting it handle you! Sure, we'll be better at it some days than others...but we definitely have the grit that will allow us to show up for our own lives!

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CARRAND 5/14/2010 8:40PM

    Thank you for sharing. I am so glad you got off the medications for panic disorder. I have panic attacks, too. They just come out of nowhere. Sometimes when they're really bad I take 1/2 a xanax, but no more. I saw one of my sisters get addicted to xanax because of panic attacks and I don't want to go there. Now that I understand more about panic attacks, I don't fear them, and that helps me cope. You positive attitude is really an inspiration.

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TINKERBELL200 5/14/2010 6:20PM

    Thank you John for sharing this and being so honest. I think it's awesome that you have shared this in hopes to help other people. I think it's great to share life experiences with people as you never know how it will help them in their own lives. We all go through stuff, make bad decisions, or even feel sorry for ourselves sometimes. Just knowing that someone has been through it and came out on the other side with victory in their life, can be comforting. Thank you for being so real! It's not always easy to share your past. I'm glad you got the heavy revey, not to be a victim anymore. That was a positive step in the right direction. It's our choice, we can be negative and miserable all the time, or be positive and not let the stuff we can't control, steal our joy! I'm glad you are on the positive side! There's always a positive side to every situation. Sometimes we just have to look for it!!!
Keep moving forward, and enjoy your journey. As you said, and Nike too,"Just Do It!"

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GIRANIMAL 5/14/2010 4:59PM

    John, thank you so much for sharing this difficult part of your life in hopes of helping others. That really is what it's all about, isn't it? I am often surprised by how much I am willing to share these days. I always think that if it can just help someone out, then it's all worth the potential uncomfortableness.

I was just about to "why me" about some recurring pain after a week in which it and time and energy have not been on my side. Thanks for the stop sign! You always have excellent timing. I love synchronicity, don't you? emoticon

Giant emoticon,


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BRENDABUNNY 5/14/2010 3:56PM

    you are very inspiring do you mind if i add you as one of my friends?..Brenda emoticon

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TRACEY5280 5/14/2010 3:06PM

I have only just discovered your blogs. You express yourself very well with the written word. You are dead on with your observation that we are our own biggest obstacles. A book that intrigues me that I've heard about and have yet to read is called "Get Out of Your Own Way". I too suffered (and I truly mean that description) from depression and anxiety. My path is a bit different as I need a small dosage of medication to balance things out. I can physically feel the change when I forget to take my pill and it's not one I want to go back to. Maybe some day I'll be able to go off but right now I am content being a calm, level headed person! A quote I saw yesterday - "the bad news is that you are the problem, the good news is that you are the solution". That is so true.
Thank you for sharing and being so transparent. It will help others who struggle in that deep pit.

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DOLLIE6 5/14/2010 2:54PM

    I love it, I love it, thank you for sharing you are always a blessing to me.

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NANASNOW 5/14/2010 2:28PM

    All I can say, WOW, you are so right on the money! Me is my problem too! You help me everyday.

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007JERSEYGIRL 5/14/2010 2:06PM

    Great blog. I appreciate your openness, thoughtfulness and insight. And I also agree with your conclusion to just do it!

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HAWAIILINDA 5/14/2010 1:36PM

    Yes another good post. You have great ideas of how to live life despite the difficulties.
I'm curious about what type of work you do now, you refer to your work some in your post but don't say what it is?
Thanks for all your good words/thoughts.

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NEWLIFE4ME09 5/14/2010 1:10PM

    Once again Thank you

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SHEILAKHS1 5/14/2010 1:01PM

    great things to think about here thanks again John

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BECCALYNN75 5/14/2010 12:29PM

    Your blogs always seem to touch me but this one almost brought tears. I only held them in because I'm at work and don't want to have to explain that to co-workers. I have issues with anxiety/panic attacks too and of course the weight too. I can't begin to express how I feel about this blog and "Thank You So Much" seems so little, but that's all I can say right now.

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JENNY888 5/14/2010 12:13PM


Your blog today will help many, some of them that you don't even know. I plan to share it with someone I know who has anxiety attacks. I hope what you have said here will help her.

Great blog. I now know why I came on Spark today. Thanks.

Comment edited on: 5/14/2010 12:17:35 PM

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CMBELISLE 5/14/2010 12:13PM

    My youngest (14) recently took a leadership class and one of the topics the speaker covered was friendship. It was interesting to hear my daughter talk about how it made her think about past friendships she had and how she realized that she had probably never been a real friend to those people. The speaker talked about how most people in today's society don't know how to form friendships and actually be a real friend to someone. He explained it by telling the students that a true friend is someone who comes to see you in the hospital when no one else does. On a certain level, it has made me question how good of a friend I have been to others in the past.

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Moses, The C25K, and Learning To Trust

Thursday, May 13, 2010

My favorite story from The Bible centers on Moses, a whole bunch of cranky people, lack of water and God. Moses leads the people into the desert where they wander for forty years. They are hot, they are tired and they are thirsty. They put a lot of trust in Moses and I am quite sure he felt the murmurs and whispers that he had lost it. It seemed as if he could do nothing right.

Moses goes up on the mountain for his daily meeting with God. He tells God that the people are grumbling, irritable and most likely a bit smelly because they haven’t had any water in quite some time. God ponders all this for a moment, and points at a rock. He tells Moses to take his staff, walk over to the rock and strike the rock one time and one time only and the people will have more water than they know what to do with.

As Moses is walking towards this rock he is looking down the mountain and looking at this mob that wants to cut his throat. “No way,” he thinks. “No way, is one tiny tap gonna supply all the water we need. I mean He is God and all but I better give it more than one bash, just to make sure.”

So he does. He hits the rock three times. Out bursts the water, problem solved and Moses figures he can move on to other issues. With a smile on his face and a song in his heart Moses descends the mountain. God stops him.

“Moses” God asks. “How many times did I tell you to strike the rock?”

“Uhm, one time.” Says Moses. “But I figured that I better hit it more than that, just to be sure.”

“You figured?” God asks.

The long and short of the story is that God tells Moses because of his lack of faith in what he was asked to do; he will not enter the Promised Land. In other words he won’t get what he has worked so hard to attain.

What does this have to do with C25K training? Well it comes down to being a matter of trust. It means trusting a program I believe in and trusting me to succeed.
I decided to train to run a 5K. “Use the C25K program John. It’s proven to work!!!” Person after person gave me that advice. So I sat down, read the program and decided it would work for me.

I started on Monday and I have to tell you the first week seemed awfully skimpy!! I mean three times a week for twenty minute a session? That didn’t seem like a lot. Better that I added some additional training on my own and on the days I wasn’t doing C25K training I needed to step it up a bit. The end result was late Tuesday evening I had a hard time moving. The heck with the program!!! I knew better!!!

Now I know none of you have ever done anything like this. I mean no one would ever consider eating way below their calorie level because they figured that by doing so they would lose weight even quicker. I mean no one should eat THAT MANY calories. So maybe we eat a lot less, our stomachs shrink and don’t lose any weight at all. We don’t follow exercise regimens because we know better and wind up hurt or dejected because we did too much.

Along with diet and with exercise this change I am going through has to incorporate other things I never thought would enter the fray. I have to learn to build and develop trust, not only in the programs I use but in John. I can’t trust me, however, unless I really care about me and I can’t care about me if I don’t value me!!! It means that even when I don’t feel beautiful, handsome, charming and witty, I believe I am. I believe I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to even though at the precise moment I may feel like a total and complete failure.
It means I trust and if it says on the package,” hit the rock one time and one time only”, then I do.

On top of being really good looking I also read minds. I know what you are thinking. “Yeah John, I trusted before and I got messed over.”
Me too. Been messed over more times than I care to count. But even at my heaviest, in my darkest moment, when every time I stepped on the scale and it went upward, I kept telling myself “You will get this John, you will find a way. This weight will come off. No matter how many times you fail you will get this one day.”

Then I found Spark and I found you. Yeah, you, reading this right now.

I hit the rock once.

I didn’t know this until a few months ago but do you know it took Moses and his followers forty years to make an eleven day journey? I think I would have fit right in

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATHERINEL66 5/15/2010 9:08PM

    Wishing you all the best on the C25K program! Big congrats to you for STARTING it!! emoticon

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WEEZIE1122 5/14/2010 8:57AM

    For heaven's sake John, you really have to stop making me laugh out loud like this. I am at the library and an getting looks.

Sympathetic - "Is she crazy?"
Irritated - "Doesn't she know this is a library?"

But, really thanks for the laugh.


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JUNIAATROME 5/14/2010 1:20AM

    It is a sad story- mean the Moses story... the good thing though is that you CAN change and trust that C25K program. I've been planning on trying that to, but have been disposed (right now, my back hurts too much - but there's been a row of things lately ugh!). So keep me posted as to how it goes when you do trust it!
Best wishes on your way! emoticon

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CARTOONB 5/14/2010 1:07AM

    Confidence, thy name is John! Great blog and way to segue from the Bible to Spark.

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SHER11 5/13/2010 8:21PM

    Great blog today John, thank you


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ROTTLADY 5/13/2010 6:32PM

    We need faith in ourselves and in each other here at spark people to know when to hit the rock and to do it once right the first time and not stress and hit it more then is right for us to do. emoticon and our love and compassion for esch other is what will keep us going and focused.

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JPRICE217 5/13/2010 5:41PM

    Once again a great blog.

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SUSIEMILO 5/13/2010 3:37PM

    I confess - I am a rock hitter.
If once is good, 3 times must be better -- right?
Ummmmm.... not so much

Great Blog -- thanks for posting this.

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GREENCAT1 5/13/2010 2:53PM

    Great blog John. Thank you!

Cathy emoticon

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/13/2010 1:19PM

    I know I would have fit right in with that group--too easy to think "I know what I'm doing here, I've got it covered" and not listen to the voice that says "This is the way, walk in it." Thanks for the reminder; amazing how just a little disobedience can lengthen the time we spend learning the lessons we need to learn . . .


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LOVEMYBOY64 5/13/2010 1:04PM

    You definitely have Divine timing...I soooooooo needed this blog.

Thank you emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/13/2010 1:04:43 PM

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KAT573 5/13/2010 12:16PM

    GREAT analogy and exactly the point Spark and God keep trying to make; ahhhh the potentials and the pitfalls of paradoxical human nature! emoticon

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AZCUPCAKE 5/13/2010 11:35AM

    Boy, I certainly wish I could have learned THIS lesson about 40 years ago! I am NOTORIOUS for "hitting the rock" multiple times (you might even call it "bashing the rock!"), when just ONE time would do the trick! I will heed this advice next time I think I should have lost 25 pounds in a week after eating well and getting my exercise in! Aren't we an impatient species?? Thanks for this reminder about the power of faith and trust - in ourselves, no less! God can certainly give the instructions, but we have to follow them! Have a great day, John! emoticon

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GERIKRAGH 5/13/2010 11:29AM

    I need to subscribe to your blogs because u say what we all feel--especially me.

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TXNANA_4 5/13/2010 11:17AM


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BECCALYNN75 5/13/2010 10:38AM

    I'm beginning to think *Someone* is trying to tell me something. He knows I have to hear it more than once, sometimes a lot more.

Last night at church we were studying in Genesis and talking about Abram's faith, but also the times that his faith failed. Our pastor said he was only doing part of what God told him to do, and that is not obedience. Then this morning I read your blog and it speaks to me in the same way.

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FANAMAMA 5/13/2010 10:05AM

    Yup, you got me. Guilty as charged. Waiting for the Spark Police to come and haul me off to Spark Jail.
Thanks John for your humor and love.

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RONDAJONES 5/13/2010 10:04AM

    Very true John. I think I am way past the 11 day mark...working toward 40 years. BUT, one day...with the Grace of God, I will make it.

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NEWLIFE4ME09 5/13/2010 10:02AM

    once again you have done it, said just what I needed to hear, right when I needed to hear it

you are so emoticon


Thank you

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CMBELISLE 5/13/2010 9:29AM

    Sometimes, I think we have to be hit over the head a few times to realize we should only hit the rock once. Thanks for the analogy and the plain English version of the story of Moses.

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MARCYNA 5/13/2010 9:06AM

    Hit the rock, John!!!!
Step out in faith...and waters will come out of that old rock!!!

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JUDIL62 5/13/2010 9:00AM

    You speak the truth my speak the truth!

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IFDEEVARUNS2 5/13/2010 8:27AM

    Good one!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 5/13/2010 8:22AM

    I never knew the 11 day journey part. Another thought provoking blog for me today. I know I'll be thinking about this one for awhile. I appreciate your writing skills. Have a great trip!


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PRINCESSNURSE 5/13/2010 8:22AM

    You are so right the key to success=Trust the process---(it can be hard to do though!) Thanks for the reminder.

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DOLLBABE56 5/13/2010 8:21AM

    I think I understand. I tend to "over do it" when it comes to both exercise and eating. Right now, at this moment, I have the eating under control. At this moment.... And right now I am feeling all the exercise I've done this week. I don't know when to draw the line. Well, actually I do. I've just gone gung ho with it. And the result is I am sooo tired, and I'm moving rather slow with stiffness and pain. I know better, but I want to lose this weight so very desperately that I don't always use common sense. While changing up the exercise routine (which is a good thing), I guess I should remember that I don't need to add it on to what I had been doing. (if this makes any sense). What this boils down to is that I shouldn't be so obsessed by exercise and losing weight that it takes me all morning. The end result is that I'm to tired to do much else. I need to realize that I need to exercise to live not live to exercise.

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/13/2010 8:20AM

    I never knew that either ... 40 years for an 11 day journey. Guess there is hope for me ... lol

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AMABILE75 5/13/2010 8:13AM

    I NEVER do such things!! NEVER!!! I don't know what you are talking about so stop pointing at me. emoticon

Ok, so you got me. I'm guilty!

I've noticed people rarely do as they are told. It doesn't matter if it is us, our children, co-workers... ask somebody to do something, they will probably do what you asked with a little twist. I think part of the problem is communication.

Thanks for another great blog my friend.


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ROSE5328 5/13/2010 8:11AM

    Another great post John! Thank you!

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Beautiful You

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSE5328 5/13/2010 8:19AM

    Thank you John! This is something I really struggle with. I think I will watch this video at least once a week to remind myself that I am beautiful!


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SUSIE85251 5/13/2010 4:44AM

    Another wonderful, insightful blog. Thanks for reminding me of how special I am!

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SPARKENISTA 5/13/2010 12:36AM

    John--It is my observation that our appearance is a direct reflection of how we think of and care for/nurture ourselves. Therefore, when someone finds fault with their appearance they are really finding fault with some internal trait. It could be failure to follow through with plans and be consistent. It could be some other habit or trait.

While, in our society, vanity is frowned upon, self-care and the improvement that manifests in appearance are really critical to our self-esteem, welfare and ability to function as good role models to our children.

Therefore, while balance is necessary in all things, not addressing the issue of outward appearance is tantamount to denying our corporeal selves. It all begins with the self-esteem to paricipate in self-care.

Comment edited on: 5/13/2010 12:38:39 AM

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AMYTATH 5/12/2010 11:16PM

    I love this blog John!!! This is something that I have struggled with for years...As I dug out an old picture of me circa 2001 and looked at it, showed it to girls at work to show the amazing transformation I have made. I was about 230 (years before pregnancy), one girl says, "wow, doesnt even look like you" another "you didnt have a necke" ect you get the point...everyone is amazed at how far I have come (this being the 2nd time I have come this far 1st time being 5 years after that pic this time post pregnancy). But what I keep thinking to myself as I look at that picture and marvel at the 55 pound difference in then and now I just keep thinking to myself "but I had so much confidence then!!! I loved myself then!!! I dont now...whats wrong?" I know that I look like a completely different person, I know that I am many sizes smaller but I still dont like what I see therefore I dont value myself like I did then.

And realistically this is why I have been struggling with finding out Im pregnant, instead of focusing on how wonderful and amazing this blessing is I keep focusing on "but Im so close to my goal!!!"

I am slowly working on loving myself as I am and you are helping me do that!!

I really hope that the WKY team can still meet Sunday even if there are just three of us there. I get so much support from you guys and want so much to give you a hug and thank you in person!


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HDHAWK 5/12/2010 7:22PM

    Still something I'm working on! Thank you so very much for this topic. You are certainly a gift I'm thankful I've found this week!

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HAWAIILINDA 5/12/2010 7:05PM

    Hi John, Another good topic. I learned to look at this idea in a different perspective a few years ago. It is a truth that some people are more physically attractive then others and so I have trouble saying I'm beautiful. What I do believe though is that I'm a miracle, I believe that all life is a miracle. When your think of life even existing with all the things that can happen to make conception go astray it is amazing how often life happens. I take that blessing/miracle of life given to me and I believe I am here for a reason and I believe I have a responsibility to do the best I am able with the gift of life. And though not physically attractive I am an awesome, wonderful person. I have a lot to offer this world ,and society just aqs I am and if people choose to shun me because I don't meet their expectations of attractiveness then they are the ones that lose out. I accept myself for who I am right now, yes I hope to be healthier and with that my appearance will be more pleasing to some, including myself, but I won't be more worthwhile/valuable then I am right now.

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JOMOMMY 5/12/2010 5:36PM

    Your video blog was inspiring to me! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, you gave me something to think about today. emoticon

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ROTTLADY 5/12/2010 4:57PM

    Checked in but video email don't work well on my system.Will check back tomorrow

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ANGELSANDYBABY 5/12/2010 12:51PM

    Hi John! I loved your blog..Thanks!
I'm going to add you as a friend..please feel free to do the same.
You have a great day, too!


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IDALUKE 5/12/2010 12:41PM

    Once again, you hit wright on the nail, that is so true. made me look at my self in a different light, Thanks John emoticon

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TENDERLOVE1 5/12/2010 12:40PM

    You bring tears to my eyes with every blog of yours that I read! Great JOB thank you!

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GEEMAWEST 5/12/2010 12:29PM

    HOME RUN!!

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AZCUPCAKE 5/12/2010 11:32AM

    Once again, you hit the ball right out of the park, John. Your words could not have found a more concise target - and I am sure everyone seeing/listening to your blog today will take a new look at their PHYSICAL selves in a new light. We are SO critical of ourselves -- why is it that when a loved one tells me I look pretty today, I shrug it off and am self-conscious and embarrassed, but a passing acquaintance can tell me that 'I think a different kind of dress would be better for your shape?' and I take THAT comment to heart and hold it close to me, replaying it over and over, as if it is a TREASURE?! That is just so WRONG!

You really know how to provide the 'balm for the soul' regarding this journey we are on; you really understand. Thank you for a great start to my day.

p.s. I am going to tell myself I am pretty today and really BELIEVE it, thanks to you!! emoticon

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VICTORY-LEE 5/12/2010 10:21AM

    Hey Hey John!

I will tell you honestly that you made me cry! You pretty much said everything I feel about myself, about the people who love me. My 48th b-day was yesterday & it was "a little humbling". I always worried about my looks - I was never happy. I have always been overweight & like u had said, I too would look thru magazines & see what I wanted to be. Funny, because I really knew I couldn't.

Anyway, I finally have accepted myself for who I am...& I finally realized I LIKE ME - warts & all!!

God Bless You John!

Thank u for the great blog!!

Luv Ya
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 5/12/2010 10:05AM

    Thank You for another great blog!!

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DOLLBABE56 5/12/2010 10:05AM

    I think this is your best "video" blog yet! So true.

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MOMMABOF7 5/12/2010 10:03AM

    Thank You John!!! You are a Beautiful person. I'm greatful that you share your wisdom with me. I do feel lovely today even in my sweats headed to the elliptical.

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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/12/2010 9:49AM

  Once again John, You have nailed it. I have wrestled with these very issues myself. I grew up in a home of abuse, neglect and abandonment. I never felt loved or wanted. I was born with a physical disability, also with parents who were perfectionist. I knew from an early age that no matter how much I tried, I would never measure up to my families expectations. I have spent a lifetime trying to find a place to fit in..and to "feel" ok. I have always wanted to be accepted and loved. I have learned the first place you have to find this is within yourself. I have this "little girl" in me that "needs" to be loved. So while I know what you say is true and I work on it everyday of my waking life. There is a part of me that continues to wish I could find the acceptance through another person. Great blog John, as usual you have left us with much to ponder.

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/12/2010 9:17AM

    John, I love seeing and hearing your video blogs! Well said; are we building our houses upon the rock or upon the sand? If we don't have a foundational belief that we are beautiful just the way we are today, even though we are working towards looking and feeling better every day, we won't make it for the long haul. Good luck on the C25K training--most of all have FUN with it!


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SATYAGRAHA 5/12/2010 9:03AM

    John! That was really wonderful. Thank you SOOOO MUCH for sharing your wisdom. You are truly beautiful, inside AND out! emoticon And you WILL get out of that chair and do C25K. emoticon emoticon

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BUGGYS 5/12/2010 8:52AM are right on once again...I joined SP not becasue of my appearance but because of my health...I love myself enough to want the inside to work well so that it shows through on the outside...sure, I would love to look good in a size 10 but that is never going to happen...I do want to get off my meds and live a long time, to enjoy life for as long as I can. I am amazed at this site because I have gotten to know sveral "friends" and I don't even know what they look like and you know, I don't even care...I love what they have to say ans what their comments mean to me. Thank you for instilling in all of us that we ARE worth it! emoticon

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MNABOY 5/12/2010 8:41AM

    Sorry couldn't get it to down load

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