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The Path Before Us

Monday, May 10, 2010

Sometimes the lessons that help us the most are the hardest and most painful ones to learn. I know that’s true for me. So you sit there reading this and you say to yourself “Well, duh John. I know that.” Do we? I think if we did we wouldn’t as a wise man once said keep living up to the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

My son Matt has been divorced for almost two years. In a nutshell, his wife decided she enjoyed being single more than she enjoyed being married and decided to practice being single before she ended the marriage.

Before I go any further I want you to know this is not going to be one of those “My kid is perfect and he’s been wronged” rant. He’s not perfect. He was devastated when she left. She took their daughter and I can only imagine what he felt and continues to feel. He trusts no one. He was so happy to be married and I suspect from what he shares he feels as if he failed. He is thirty two and he feels lost and abandoned. To him there is no God. If there was, none of this would have happened.

I have spent a lot of sleepless nights. I cried, I prayed, I wondered if maybe I should have seen this coming and advised him about it before he got married. I got angry and irritable and just wasn’t much fun to be around.

Oh yeah, I ate. I ate a lot. Eating was something I could do. I couldn’t “make it all better.” I couldn’t control his life and it was like it kept raining and I kept wondering where they put the sun. Did I say I ate a lot? I felt cut off and I needed to fix this, because isn’t that what Dad’s are supposed to do?

I carried this inside of me for a long time. Some days it was right up front, other days pushed to the rear by other concerns. But it was there, this tension, this emotionally queasy feeling inside of me.

While all this is going on I begin my journey towards health and discovering who I really was under all these layers of physical and emotional fat. One night as I lie there wide awake that small voice spoke to my heart.

“You have your own journey to worry about. Leave him to me and concentrate on your own journey, John.”

I was stunned. This is my son. He needs me.

“Then he’ll ask if he needs you. Walk your own road John.”

I would like to tell you that I leapt out of bed, woke Joan up and said “Thank you, Jesus.” Far from it.

I got majorly angry. This wasn’t good advice. Kids look to their dads to fix stuff and by God I was going to do this come hell or high water.

“Why are you so afraid to look at yourself John?”

That one got my attention. Over the next few days this light of realization got brighter and brighter inside of me. I saw, that when I didn’t want to look at me and the areas I needed to improve in my life I found some crusade to go charging off on or some poor soul to help who needed me. I always made sure they were issues that no one would argue with. I became exhausted trying to right the wrongs and then never had the energy to deal with me.

That’s mainly because I was scared to look at me. I’m like you and you’re like me. We all know where the trap doors are inside of us, the ones marked “danger.” We are scared to open them because if we do, then we have to deal with what’s on the other side. Better I deal with your stuff rather than mine. Let’s all make nice and smile and the sun will come out and then we can hold hands and sing “Kumbaya!”

Yeah, I got my own road to walk, my own stuff to deal with. I bleed a lot, and Lord knows I cry a lot, but hey……. I am getting better and healthier every single day. Most of it is me facing me, but a lot of it is these bright lights along the side of the road that flicker a warm smile or a soft reassurance. You are holding one of those lights and while I cannot walk your road and you cannot walk mine we can encourage each other, care for each other and love each other as we move closer and closer to being who we are. We stand on the side of each other’s road with lights to help guide the way home.

I still love my son. I am here if he wants to talk. Joan and I are both here if he needs a shoulder to cry on, but it’s his journey and I have mine. All I can do is have faith and leave the rest to God. I am at peace with that.

I had a lot of difficulty accepting this. Joan told me she understood it about six months before I did. I asked her why she didn’t share it with me. She told me I had to find that peace all on my own. She loves me, she prays for me.

That’s the way it is for all of us, I think. We have to walk that road knowing that there are many others to help us, to guide us and to support us, but first we have to see the path ahead.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYSRAIN 5/15/2010 1:00PM

    Wow! It feels like you hit me right between the eyes with this one. I am the fixer.....

As I reflect on your words I can honestly say you are so right! It's so easy to focus on others, there problems, there pain.

I am guilty of this! NOT dealing with my demons, it's so much easier to focus on helping someone else, fixing them!

Lol....Miss Perfect isn't so perfect, it's time for me to fix me emoticon

Thank you so much for this blog...we all need to get to the root and start growing from there.

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TONISTRELEC 5/14/2010 9:07AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BERGIE8771 5/13/2010 4:07PM

    I appreciate you sharing this. I really agree is is easier to see someone else's mote rather than dealing with my own. I think I will start doing this in my own life. THANK YOU!

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NANALD 5/13/2010 7:19AM

    Great blog! I think it probably hits home with a lot of us. Thanks!

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GEMINIJENNY25 5/13/2010 6:02AM

    you seem like an awesome guy. i understand wanting to protect your kids and save them from heartache. sometimes though it is best to just be there and let them find their own way. i have a hard time also, but now i think of something I heard once about if you rush in and fix everything for them it hurts their self confidence and makes tnem feel that you think they are not capable (when of course thats not what you mean to happen!). be there, but let go and let him know you have faith in him to grow & learn.

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LOVEMYBOY64 5/12/2010 7:56PM

    I definitely needed that...Thanks John emoticon

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CLEARLY44 5/12/2010 4:02PM

    Great blog. A person must take care of themselves before they can take care of another. Also your son needs to do it with his own power and God. If you take care of his problems, you are robbing him of his ability to do it on his own and learn from it.

Take it from me. I was majorly into co-dependence with my son. He was addicted to pain meds and was mean to everyone. His grandma finally kicked him out and she moved away. He was homeless and found his way back. He now has a loving wife and cute daughter who loves him very much. I had to let him see that he could do it on his own. There are still rough patches, but we all have them in life. I have to believe that it was the right thing to do. Our kids will be here after us and must fend for themselves like us. But they know that we love them enough to let them figure it out on their own.

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ZRAMOMMA 5/12/2010 11:10AM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It really struck a cord with me.

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/12/2010 8:42AM

    Thank you for sharing this blog.

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HEARTSTOPPER 5/12/2010 12:40AM

   
Love it!

HS

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BLOOMING52 5/12/2010 12:24AM

    Thank you for sharing your story.

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KLOSH1 5/12/2010 12:22AM

    I love reading your blogs!

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KLOSH1 5/12/2010 12:22AM

    I love reading your blogs!

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KIN59VARA 5/11/2010 11:07PM

    Wonderful

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STARTINGALLOVER 5/11/2010 10:49PM

    Thank you friend for writing this.. it is so amazing to read in anothers words.. what describes ourselves. You are so right.. I too will charge off on a mission to help those that need help and to distract myself from hearing my own little voice..crying out that I too..need my help.
Your words are what many need to read. Thank you for sharing a painful moment in your life.
You are an a wonderful dad... and he is learning from you every second. You are giving him wings..but while he is learning to fly alone.. you are right under him with open arms in case he falls..
You are wonderful

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JMCADE 5/11/2010 10:46PM

    great Blog. I know it is harder to see ourselves and do what we need to do fore ourselves and you really brought that home for me. I hope that I can be there someday if you need support, because your blogs have been support for me.

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SPARKANN 5/11/2010 10:44PM

    Wow... So true... How much time and energy I have expended putting things back together for other people--while my own body was falling apart. Thank you for sharing this, John. Very powerful words.

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SHANA100100 5/11/2010 10:10PM

    I'm humbled by the truth of this. It IS *so* much easier to focus on helping others (whether they want it or not) than taking care of ourselves. It is scary to face the insecurities, fears and limitless potential in ourselves. I'm trying to figure out how to face that myself. Your beautifully written blog is helping me move along that path.

Thank you for sharing this, and I'm wishing you and your family good health - especially the emotional kind.


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MOMGETSSPARK 5/11/2010 7:51PM

    I needed some motivation today, so I clicked on Blogs. Wow! I am ever so glad that I had the chance to read this today! Thank you so much for being able to articulate in a way that makes us all feel!

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JERRYRENE10 5/11/2010 7:38PM

    What I find incredible that I have been through the same thing, not the divorce but the I will handle it for you, but not deal with my own stuff. Thank you so much for writing it so eloquently and reminding me to take my own path and let others take theirs.

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MOMMAKNOWSBEST 5/11/2010 7:00PM

  I needed to read that today :) Thanks for sharing!

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WYWIWOMAN 5/11/2010 6:06PM

    This is not only a stunningly insightful blog, but you have written it so well. Every paragraph hit home - and whether it was being a woman/mother/social worker, I cared for all those others for many many years and didn't take the time for me. I buried the anger with myself for giving and not caring for myself, but that and a lot of other emotions finally emerged. I dealt with them and became ready to take my own journey. And now here I am. On my journey, still working to deal with emotions to keep them uncovered.

Thank you!!
How wonderful that Joan and you can walk your roads side by side. emoticon

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WALKAWAY 5/11/2010 3:23PM

    emoticonblog. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm going to share this with a co-worker who is struggling.

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NEEDTOLOSE100LB 5/11/2010 1:46PM

    I will try and make sure I hold my light high each time you pass by my way.
God certainly knows our troubles, but He also sees our potential and He helps us to get there while He comforts us in our troubles.
Thank you for being so profound and so simple at the same time.

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KRISTY_704 5/11/2010 1:45PM

    What a great blog!

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GIVWIG 5/11/2010 1:16PM

    I know you can't take care of anyone else if you don't first take care of yourself. It's a tough lesson to learn, but it's the truth. Have faith in the Lord. He knows how much you can handle and won't give you more than you can handle. Good luck in your journey!

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LOSINGERIN 5/11/2010 12:57PM

  Being there as a parent and fixing things for our children, no matter what the age, are totally different things. It is very difficult to draw that line and accept their journey is there own. Good for you for finding the strength through God to care for yourself. I believe it is the greatest gift we can give our children. I will pray for you and your family. God is so good. Thanks for sharing your tenderness.

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STARINTHESKY 5/11/2010 12:55PM

    OMG amazing blog! I am POWERLESS over other people. God shows this to me in many ways INCLUDING your blog post! emoticon

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KELLIGIRL523 5/11/2010 12:54PM

    Profound. Thank you.

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ALLENDIANA 5/11/2010 9:55AM

    what a great blog- this really applies to my life. I have a son who is 24 and terminally ill. It has been a rough road to say the least but I am learning to accept it and move on with my life. I am learning that I can not control what is going to happen but I can work on me and the changes I need to make in my life to be a better person and to support my other children as they too are having to learn with the inevitable fact that their brother is going to die... it is not easy on them and I have to be the strong one to help carry them along the way.

Thanks for sharing such a great story.

Diana~

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CMAXSON 5/11/2010 9:43AM

    emoticon

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DOTTIEJANE1 5/11/2010 9:21AM

    Hay John it sure is hard for parents toremove themselves from there child(children) and let them move forward, but we all need to. Children mist walk there path as we walk ours God Bless us all.Good luck, stay strong ,and take care.

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DAWNDMOORE40 5/11/2010 8:59AM

    Isn't life funny sometimes? We get so focused on those we love and care about, that we rarely have time for our own lives. It sounds like you realized what was happening and wanted to make it better! I hope that things are better now! Have a good day and stay motivated! emoticon

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2BEEFIT 5/11/2010 7:57AM

    John, God bless you and your son. I wrote a similar blog a few days ago; speaking of avoidance and how we focus on others to take our minds off of us. Good luck.

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MARCYNA 5/11/2010 6:04AM

    This is wonderful.
'Do what you have to and I'll care for the rest'
Your son is in God's hand...and He'll beautifully care for him as well as for you.
It's a matter of growing in Faith.
Just pray for him, his daughter and his ex-wife..you'll see wonders.
Big Hugs
Ps I'll pray for Matt, too.

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REGAN49 5/11/2010 3:36AM

    emoticon

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NYARAMULA 5/11/2010 2:23AM

    Wonderful blog, thanks for sharing.

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SPARKENISTA 5/11/2010 12:13AM

    John--As a parent, it is a knee-jerk reaction to come running to the rescue like a knight in shining armor or Maid Marion--whichever fits. This is a very notable insight.

The other thing I am discovering, as the mother of a 21-year-old is that as the active, hands-on parent of a child I was in the driver's seat. If something went wrong I went up to the school to straighten it out. I called the other parent. I even did a study on bullying in my son's school.

But now, the difficult part is not being in the driver's seat, but the back seat. Now, for better or worse, they are driving the car and all we can do is go along for the ride and maybe advise them on the direction or speed if they will listen. I'm having a very hard time with this, as are my friends and neighbors.

Thank G-d my son is a great kid. But how about his friend who got the nickname "93" b/c the police clocked him driving @ that speed? How about kids who make other bad choices. All we can do is be there to support and pick up the pieces.

I am going out on a limb here and thinking that you are not clairvoyant. There is no way you could have known, when your son got married, how it would end up. And even if you could have known, or did know, to a certainty, you can be your bottom dollar he would have married her, anyway.

Therefore, I can see that you are doing the right thing by focusing on yourself and growing in self-knowledge every single day. You have clearly chosen wisely when you found and kept Joan. You have raised a strong, independent son who happens to be going through a tough patch of long duration. You have done your job. Now take care of yourself.

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TERESATUCK2 5/10/2010 11:54PM

    You are amazing. Thank you for your blog.

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SHER11 5/10/2010 11:42PM

    Thank you John

I really enjoy your blog today and with much feeling and heart I see the lights on the path we all share together.

God bless

Sher emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 5/10/2010 9:19PM

    WOW, John, this blog really hit home with me.

Several years ago my son was involved in drugs and I thought I was going to lose him forever. I tried and tried to "fix" him. I had many sleepless nights and made myself sick with worry. As his mother, wasn't it my job to make it all better?

When I finally removed myself from the situation, my son finally got healthy. I had to let him do it himself and just take care of me. I cannot fix the world. Only myself.

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CATHERINEL66 5/10/2010 9:17PM

    John, such a great blog today! I have a 20 year old son who lives out of state. One of the hardest lessons for me to learn as a Mom was to let him walk his own path, experience his own lessons. If he'd only listen to me, LOL!

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BEANPOD77 5/10/2010 7:02PM

    This really moved me..I hope your son realizes what a gem he has for a father..And I am happy you are coming to terms with the realization that you must take care of yourself so you can continue to take care of others..I loved your "lights along the road" analogy..Truly inspirational., and something I will take with me.Thank you!!

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SAFFSTAR 5/10/2010 5:02PM

    Thank you John, every day your words inspire me and give me pause for (positive) thought. I wish you and your family all the very best. Last year I went through a tough time and found that the best thing for me was spending time with those family and friends who were happy in their own skin and had positive news to tell me about their lives - I knew they cared about me without them constantly focusing on my problems. Time spent with them was time away from my worries and reminded me that bad times do pass. You're giving the best gift to your son by giving him a happy and inspirational Dad

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IDALUKE 5/10/2010 3:26PM

    That is so true!!! We should always help the one's we love, but we should never forget about yourself, which I did when I was married. didn't care how I look, or about my weight because husband was so jealous

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JUDIL62 5/10/2010 3:13PM

    Amen! Love your blogs....in this one this statement rang loud and resonated in my head!

"I became exhausted trying to right the wrongs and then never had the energy to deal with me."

We help those we love better when we take care of ourselves too. It's a great lesson, and I find that the example we set for them is just as important as anything, so by taking care of yourself you send your son a very strong message.



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MYSHARONA6 5/10/2010 2:56PM

    If you don't take care of yourself, then you are in no condition to help others. That is an important message.

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STORMTMB 5/10/2010 2:47PM

    John, you and Joan, your very wise wife, are already giving something very important to your son - an example of a long-standing and loving marriage. Matt may trust no one right now and, yes, it may take a long, long time, but by your example, he knows true and lasting and faithful love is possible. You are doing A LOT for him by your example as a husband and father. Keep on praying and he will find his own way. Probably when he least expects it.

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PATTISUE45 5/10/2010 2:34PM

 

YES....Give your problems over to the Lord. What an awesome blog. emoticon

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AMBERROGUE 5/10/2010 1:26PM

    It's great to hear another's perspective. Here you are, the father trying to help your child. Here I am, the child just trying to live my life the way I see fit, with my father trying to control it. Maybe he's trying so hard now because he wasn't there for so long and doesn't trust himself to have instilled in me the ability to think for myself and trust myself.
That he didn't teach me how to think for myself and trust myself just exacerbates the problem. I learned how to think in college, when he first started waking up and taking notice of the things around him. I distanced myself. I had to, or I would have been swept along with the tide like I had allowed myself for my entire life.

And now that he has a masters in family counseling and has his own practice and is the minister of his church, he thinks - perhaps HOPES is a better word here - that I'm going to come running back.

You're right. It's not the parent's battle to fight. We must find our own ways in life. I've found a path that I am happy and content with. And I'm standing up for my path in my emailed arguments with my father that started about a week ago and have continued daily.

That I'm arguing with him or that I differ greatly in opinion and lifestyle doesn't mean that I don't love him. I do, or I would simply delete his emails without reading them, let alone responding to them.

Thanks for directing me to your blog. I enjoyed it, and look forward to reading more.

Best,
Amber

Comment edited on: 5/10/2010 1:27:51 PM

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For The Mom's

Sunday, May 09, 2010

My mother quit school when she was sixteen. Her father had died, it was the Depression and she had a younger sister. There were no programs to assist families back then. She did, as she so often told us, what she had to do. She never looked back, she never complained. She went to work at a dairy and worked there until she met my father some seven years later. I was born ten months after my mom and dad’s were married. My dad worked three jobs and my mom raised four kids. We weren’t poor, we weren't rich. We had three meals a day, sturdy clothes and a roof over our heads. If we were supposed to be unhappy someone forgot to tell me. Other than the occasional fights with my brother and sisters my life could be called pretty normal.

I was never greeted at the door by a woman wearing pearls and a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I don’t ever recall my mom saying or doing anything that could be categorized as inspirational. She was my mom. I got a feeling that she was, and still is, in a category most moms are in. She may never have looked across the table with an inspirational quote; she simply taught me the things that are of value in my life.

She taught me to always tell the truth, never to steal, or cheat anyone. She taught me to respect people, young, old or in between.

My mom is a very spiritual person but you wouldn’t know it if you talked to her. She said if you make a big deal out of things then you already got your reward. Better to pray, be quiet and wait for good things to happen. She taught us our prayers. She and my dad still go to Mass every morning. They are seventy eight and eighty six. Until my dad's vision started going bad a few years ago they walked to and from church daily, about two miles round trip.

I thought of my mom yesterday when i read a by C.S. Lewis it says; "The thing is to rely on God… Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God; you have to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done."

That’s my mom. Every day you start over and every day you start with a clean slate. You work real hard and good things happen to you.

The success my mom had in life, she said, came from raising four decent children, who know the difference between right and wrong. I'll bet your moms the same.
I am almost fifty seven, yet every time I get sick I call my mom. She listens and then says "You'll live." I roll over and go back to sleep knowing I’ll be okay, because my mom said I would.

They are simple values, values that sometimes get lost in the modern mix. Today is an opportunity to reflect on what my mom taught me and issue myself a report card on how well I have done in learning.

Male or female we all share one common value: We all have moms. Some of you are lucky enough to be a mom. What a blessed and amazing opportunity you have to share who you are, with a child and help mold their future, just like yours and mine were molded.

I know I am right, coz my mom says so.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NICE125 5/13/2010 8:16PM

  Thanks for this blog John.

But are you a writer in real life?? your blogs are good!

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DAWNBROKE 5/11/2010 8:23PM

    Thanks, John. You are blessed to still have your mom and dad.

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AZCUPCAKE 5/11/2010 12:59PM

    I am reading this a couple of days after Mother's Day, and it is bringing tears to my eyes! No wonder you turned out to be the man you are. Your mom is very proud of you, no doubt in my mind! What a gift you both are to EACH OTHER! emoticon

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STARLIGHT615 5/11/2010 9:29AM

    That was wonderful John! Thank you!!

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TINKERBELL200 5/10/2010 2:22AM

    Very cute John! I enjoyed it!

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ANNE-ELIZ 5/10/2010 1:24AM

    That was beautiful. Thanks, John.

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SHER11 5/9/2010 10:12PM

    Thank you John for your thoughts and memories you have shared.
God bless you and all your family. You have given me a smile so big and brought me to remember many memories of my own Mother, Grandmother and my family too.
My hardest work but my best work is the work I have in my two sons and I thank God everyday for them.

emoticon Best wishes on your journey!

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PAULA3420 5/9/2010 8:28PM

    This blog has given me chills a lump in my throat and many head shaking moments of Yes, I agree.

What, I liked the best is when Mom said; "You'll live!" RIGHT ON

How true. Loved it.

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DOLLBABE56 5/9/2010 7:51PM

    Thanks John. I feel the same about my mom.

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JURI62 5/9/2010 6:59PM

    Beautiful blog John, made me laugh, brought tears to my eyes...
I miss my Mom everyday and know she's watching over us..and am
blessed with two daughters of my own...and now two stepsons.
God Bless! Judy

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GREENCAT1 5/9/2010 5:50PM

    Well said John. Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman. You are very blessed to have her. I have six children and i feel so privileged to be their mother. Next to may marriage it has been the biggest miracle in my life.

Love,
Cathy emoticon

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/9/2010 4:56PM

    Thanks for sharing about your mom, John; give her an extra hug today from me, she sounds a lot like mine. My mother passed away just over five years ago, and I still miss her.

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JUST_TRI_IT 5/9/2010 4:56PM

    Nice to know that you call your mom even now when you are sick! That is very sweet... She done good! and so have you :)

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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/9/2010 3:19PM

  Thank you John for this most uplifting blog. Mothers teach us so much mostly by example and not so much what is said but what is acted upon. My mother gave me some wonderful gifts. Most likely many that she didnt even realize she was doing... Actions really do speak louder than words.What a blessing for you to still have your mother with you.

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AMYTATH 5/9/2010 1:04PM

    Im not a high maintenance Mom either but Im a very proud Mom. VERY proud of my lil man and hope to instill in him those important values. Today we are building a car from the box one of my gifts came in. Not expensive but an experience with him I'll always remember even if he is too young to remember it himself.

Thanks for the reminder that Moms dont have to be perfect to be a good Mom

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 5/9/2010 12:47PM

    Thank you for the very nice blog. Heart warming to be exact and made me think about how different the children today are compared to how you and your mother where when you where young. You didn't complain about not having much. I see it every day, a kid/teen throwing a fit because of something they don't have.

This is simple: "It's not about having what you want, it's about wanting what you've got!"

I LOVE that phrase, I live by it and I try to teach it to my children every day. You know what? They don't complain about things they don't have!

CHEERS to all the Mothers out there! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

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DEVORA4 5/9/2010 12:46PM

  well written. My mother too was not the kind you saw on Father Knows Best or Leave It To Beaver. {I mean no frilly apron and not wearing high heels and having had her hair just done at the local beauty shop. She only went to the 7th grade and yet she was an extremely smart lady. She also had to work because her father died at an early age.}

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SHEILAKHS1 5/9/2010 12:31PM

    nice blog John ..you are so right my mom and my dad for that matter taught us great values they were there and still are no matter what...today is a great day to reflect on those values and i hope i give even half of those values to my kids have a great day and enjoy

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TAMMYFOX3 5/9/2010 12:21PM

    Thank god for our moms they are so wise!! I to want my mom when i am sick or feeling bad the word of her wisdom always pull me through and you know they are always there!!! My mom always says God never gives you more than you can handle, it is for you to learn and to grow from and i really believe this!!! God bless you and your mom and my mom too!!!! emoticonMoms hold their childrens hand for a while, but holds their hearts forever!! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/9/2010 12:29:50 PM

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SPARKENISTA 5/9/2010 12:17PM

    We moms may not be very glamorous, but we get the job done. Thanks for this blog, John! emoticon

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Saturday Musings

Saturday, May 08, 2010

First and foremost a sincere thank you to everyone who comments on my blogs. I appreciate your insight and your support and when I use your wisdom with other people, rest assured you get the credit. I am stronger, wiser and much more confident because I know you guys are there and that whether I gain, weight, lose weight or stay the same I know I am accepted and I am loved here. That is an awesome feeling.

I am not, however an octopus. There have been close to four hundred responses on my blogs, this week alone. Each comment left was read and again I am grateful for the support and encouragement. I am physically unable to respond to that many postings. I feel terrible because some of what you guys write to me by way of encouragement has made a real difference in my life and I consider each of you a true friend. I want to apologize if any way, shape or form I have hurt anyone's feelings by not responding on their wall or sending a goodie as my token of thanks. Please know each of you is my thoughts and my prayers on a daily basis and I value your friendship more than I can express on this blog. I feel so overwhelmed some days when I see the volume of response. Please know I do care.

Okay on to the next part. I lost five pounds this week and basically as I related last week after a 1.2 pound gain I was going back to Phase One as detailed in The Spark. That's what I did. I sorta established John's boot camp to get back in line. It worked. While I am satisfied with the weight loss most importantly I saw where I was getting sloppy and I made the adjustments to correct them. So, way to go John, you are really your own hero.

This morning I participated in my first 5K. Before you get too terribly impressed Joan and I walked it. Three of the kids went along as well as one daughter-in-law and they ran. About two blocks from the finish I looked at Joan and said "What the heck......." and started to run. Joan started to run too. That was cool. The neatest thing for me was the discussion she and I had as we were walking it. She asked me if a year ago I thought we'd be doing something like this and my answer was no. Thank you Spark. No way without this process would I have ever even dreamed of walking like that. Next year I run it.

Now for the important stuff, explaining some status updates from earlier this week.

I made my doctor cry.

My doctor hadn't seen me since I started Spark. I had a sixty pound weight loss and she was so happy she started crying. Told me I made her day. I was glad I could make her happy.

My addiction to General Hospital

About three weeks ago I had a day off in the middle of the week. Because of my travel and how hectic things get I actually plan these off days. I was flipping through the channels, found General Hospital and began watching it and then I just had to know what was coming next. I started DVR'ing them and I watch them when I get home. Yesterday I had to catch up on Wednesday and Thursdays before I found out what sentence the judge passed on Michael for manslaughter.......

So there you go.

It's International Barbecue Festival weekend here so I get to go look at arts and crafts this afternoon.

Have a great Saturday.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMBELISLE 5/11/2010 11:38AM

    I love that you made your doctor cry! That is a special moment. Congrats!

As for answering every single response to your blogs - geez! With as many people as read your blogs, I'm surprised you have to time to read all the responses.

I walk almost a 5k about once a week. I even did a run/walk on my route once and it was exhilarating, although I'm going to keep the run/walks shorter until I get better at them.

GH? Hmmm...been a long time, but when it's on in the break room, it's scary how many of the characters I recognize. Funny how quickly they can suck you in - gotta love TiVo!

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BRYLIA 5/11/2010 10:07AM

    John,
Dont worry about "getting back to each of us that responds". For many of us you have already given us so much already and we just want to extend our appreciation. It is funny how I have never met you but I feel I know you better than some of the people that I meet in person regularly. Thanks for the "conversation" that we share. Joan is one lucky lady...and I love how she has been walking or running sharing the experience right along with you! I hope that one day, Andy will share the experience with me.. but I will wait for that to happen!
Hugs, Lisa

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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/9/2010 3:23PM

  I am just happy to read your blogs everyday. I am happy to considered one of your friends... no worries, I know you care about each and everyone of your friends.

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LUCYJOY 5/9/2010 10:54AM

    What? You don't have time to talk to 400 individual people each and everyday? LOL

You can watch General Hospital only if you promise NOT to eat bon bons while you are doing it!

I'm starting over on my diet tomorrow(I'm required to make hot fudge sundaes for my extended family tonight so figured today was not the best starting point)

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GREENCAT1 5/9/2010 9:15AM

    Congrats on the 5 pound weight loss! emoticon emoticon

Cathy emoticon

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CATHERINEL66 5/9/2010 8:52AM

    Wow! 5 lbs lost! Congrats on getting back on track and kicking butt again!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 5/9/2010 3:03AM

    is general hospital still going?living in germany the last 14 years you don´t know what is still on and what not.i used to watch that when i was younger.
well done on the 5k to you and all the family i am certain you will run it all next year.it is something to plan for.
like you i am also accessing and re committing to sp as like you i have let some things slide abit.lost 4lbs just by doing that.
see some things are ment to be.

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AZCUPCAKE 5/9/2010 1:36AM

    John, please don't feel like you are neglecting us when you don't respond to ALL of your posts! I know I speak for SO MANY of your fans/admirers/followers/cheerleader
s when I say that I just get so much out of your writings, that I need to say "wow!" and "thank you!" on a regular basis. You really provide your pals with such great insights into topics many of us are still scared to touch with a ten-foot pole! You are LOVED! emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/9/2010 1:37:55 AM

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SPARKENISTA 5/9/2010 12:45AM

    John--Don't worry about reaching everyone-especially every day. Your weight loss is
emoticon. Do you follow the suggestions Spark gives you or your own selections?

The 5K is amazing, no matter how you slice it. Great! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Good work getting your doctor to cry--That is amazing. Speak to you soon.

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JPRICE217 5/8/2010 9:15PM

    emoticon emoticon walking a 5 k is something to be proud of.

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/8/2010 6:20PM

    John, it's crazy how we parallel one another in so many ways (though not the weight loss, you beat me there!). My husband and I did our first 5K walk today as well, but I have to confess, I left hubby behind--I really wanted to do it in under an hour, and he was fine with me going on at a faster pace. My goal is to run it next year, too. No way would I have believed that either of us would be where we are today when we started this journey earlier this year. SparkPeople and people like you are what have made the difference; thanks for sharing your journey with the rest of us and being a part of the success we are achieving!

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DIASTER 5/8/2010 6:15PM

  Really do not think people expect a response from their comments, it is just that you touch our hearts and souls as you but into words all our feelings and dreams.
The doctor was probably so pleased as she or he finally had a patient that listened to advice, they do care what happens to us and spend time to make sure we understands the consequences of our actions but how few of their patients actually follow their advice? You might have just saved your life. Anyway thank you again and again for your words of wisdom.

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 5/8/2010 6:10PM

    John!!! A 5K!!! WOW!!! That's incredible!!! Congrats!!! I'm sooo..... Proud of you !!!! I'm rooting for you to run it next year!!

I personally do not have my feelings hurt by you not responding to these comments I leave to you. I offer them up willingly and expect nothing in return. You type the most amazing blogs I've ever read and that alone is enough. What you give me out of the blogs pails in comparison to what I can give back to you in these comments. HUGS!

Love
~ME~

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DOLLBABE56 5/8/2010 6:02PM

    That is so cool that you and Joan ran the last 2 blocks of the race. I know that it felt great! You can do anything that you put your mind to.

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KSHAGGY 5/8/2010 4:36PM

    Way to go, that is so fantastic & gives me hope.

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JUNEAU2010 5/8/2010 3:11PM

    Kudos on the 60 lbs lost! A couple of years ago, I lost 20 lbs and my doc didn't even notice! No reply expected - my intent is to encourage, not to burden!
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TRIPLE_EMME 5/8/2010 2:58PM

    emoticon

I like your Saturday musings! I'm so glad for you that you spent this past week focusing on the basics and making adjustments. (Not to mention, your loss!) I'm celebrating with you. emoticon

emoticon on bringing tears to your doctor's eyes!!!

emoticon on completing your first 5K!!! It doesn't matter if you walk or run. You accomplished your goal -- and from what you shared, it sounds like you and Joan had a good journey together, too.

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1WALKINGMAN 5/8/2010 2:56PM

    That is emoticonJohn, Terri Ann said she saw you there. Remember, you have start somewhere and to walk it for the first time is a great start. emoticon

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RONDAJONES 5/8/2010 2:46PM

    Great job on making the doctor cry! That is emoticon Just another sign that this is not an easy journey, however, YOU are doing it!!!! Congrats to you and Joan for finishing the race. Doesn't matter if you walk, run, crawl, or roll...as long as you finish what you started!! emoticon I am hoping that someday...I get the confidence to participate! emoticon (that wink icon is so creepy looking! LOL)

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JURI62 5/8/2010 2:37PM

    You are fortunate to have a doctor who cares! I do too, but every time my husband goes to his doctor he says it's like they are just meeting for the first time again...
Congrats on your 5K

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SHEILAKHS1 5/8/2010 2:30PM

    John I dont think you need to respond to everyone that comments on your blogs. it is just great for us to be able to read your inspiring words and keep motivated. so dont feel like you are letting me down ever because i think its amazing to read about you and the great things you have accomplished and learned and i feel blessed to be able to share it with you whether you stop by my page or not. just keep up the positive attitude and the unselfishness of sharing it with me and i will be forever greatful :)

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TABATHAMAX1 5/8/2010 2:14PM

    Congrats on your wonderful week John! I am a new reader and I totally understand how it can overwhelming when you have so many comments. I am sure everyone understands. I really like your blog you are a motivator! That must of been a wonderful feeling with your doctor....way to go! Awesome job on walking 5 miles also, just like your wife said what would of you been doing a year ago. Way to go!

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SPARKLERFRIEND 5/8/2010 2:12PM

    emoticon on walking your first 5K, losing 5 pounds, finding out where you need to tweek your plan, and for making your doctor cry! emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Heroes.......... Like You!!!

Friday, May 07, 2010

I am my own hero and you are yours.

As we slog and slosh through our days and pin our hopes on saints and other sinners, when all is said and done the real hero in my life is me and you in yours. We never see it that way. We tend to compare ourselves to other people and when we do, we inevitably come up short in our performance. It’s because our life is not their life, plain and simple. We benchmark our activity against what we “are supposed to be” and rather than savor the very unique perspective we provide the universe. We dwell on all our mistakes and shortcomings until we reach a moment where we throw our hands up in despair and exist in some sort of funk that slowly kills our spirit.

We are never good enough and eventually neither are our heroes. Whether they be in sports, politics, or entertainment they possess the same flaws, the same weaknesses and the same failures we do. Theirs are simply magnified by the large stage they command. When they finally do fail, we abandon them and curse the fates. We mutter to ourselves “If they can’t do it, neither can I. What’s the use?”
Become your own hero.

Look at your life and chronicle the adversity you have overcome in your life. Look at the sum total of your journey as you sit here this morning and then pin a huge medal on yourselves. No one but you knows the triumphs and the tragedies. No one but you knows how hard you may have struggled to reach a goal that others may have found easy. Remember how good it felt when you reached it? Remember the enthusiasm, the confidence? You were ready to slay the world.

Become your own hero.

“But John, there are people who have endured a lot more in their life than I have in mine. I just don’t feel right standing here with my chest puffed out taking all the credit when so many people suffer.”

No problem is a small problem if it is your problem.

Remember how you struggled with the same four or five pounds in what seemed like an eternity? Recall how you persevered and triumphed? No one but you knows how difficult that journey was and no one but you knew how sweet the victory was
Maybe you were the last person at the gym before they turned out the lights or you kept going to zumba until your legs didn’t end up in a tangled mess. You strutted to the car then, didn’t you?

Be your own hero.

It may be the triumph of working out five days in a row even if it was only for ten minutes a day. That was your marathon. That was your victory. Your victories are so personal and so dear that you should be proud of each one of them and let the world know how good you feel.

When you and I become our own heroes we become positive examples. When we become positive examples to other people we encourage them to become heroic in their own right. It is one continuous positive circle.

When I make the choice to overcome adversity or destroy an obstacle that is in my path, I am providing myself with the motivation and inspiration to continue my journey and be a hero.

Guilt is never, ever a positive motivator and despite what some well intentioned people might say, there is no such thing as “good guilt.” Never feel guilty when you fall, wear it as a badge of honor like veterans of so many wars do. Grizzled, battered, and bowed at times, they move forward confident that the next battle will produce victory because their past failures provided wisdom for the future, not guilt.

They are heroes, just like me.

Just like you

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TENDERLOVE1 5/12/2010 12:17PM

    You certainly have a way with words! Thank you for that! I will be my own hero!

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ROEANDGO 5/11/2010 3:04PM

    Wonderful !! I WILL be my own hero! Thanks!

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FITTGRRL 5/11/2010 1:31PM

    what an emoticonblog! emoticon

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NEEDTOLOSE100LB 5/11/2010 1:14PM

    Thank you for reminding us how great we each are.

Laurie.

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REENSKI 5/11/2010 12:45PM

    Thank you for reminding all of us we do big things every day.
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SGTSUNNY 5/11/2010 10:05AM

    Thank you for the reminder of who we are! Great blog.

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DARE.DIVA 5/11/2010 5:12AM

    This blog really spoke to me. I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to copy it for my motivation wall and sparkpage (with credit!) cause its one of the best things I've ever read.

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HEARTSTOPPER 5/11/2010 12:26AM

   
Great blog!:)

HS

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PINETREEGIRL 5/10/2010 11:19PM

    Here's to overcoming adversity! I love it.
You are doing an amazing job! It's exciting to see.
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JCDROLSHAGEN 5/10/2010 10:33PM

    Go John! Go me too! emoticon

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HDHAWK 5/10/2010 8:18PM

    Fantastic blog!

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TEENY_BIKINI 5/10/2010 7:59PM

    Absolutely fabulous! You just know how to rock a blog! Woot!!!

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CAROLDEDOO 5/10/2010 7:07PM

    emoticon emoticonBlog. Well written. A good Thought-for-the-day. Glad you shared it with us.

Keep on Sparking.

Carol emoticon

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STACYLEIGH09 5/10/2010 4:39PM

    Great blog!

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MYOWNHERO 5/10/2010 3:31PM

    Of course I loved this blog...

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STORMTMB 5/10/2010 2:56PM

    A friend reminded me not too long ago to never look to another person because Jesus is really the only model that we should ever follow. The only Perfect One to be our guide. Other heroes let us down. He is always there.

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OLYGIRL1 5/10/2010 1:10PM

    Thank you for the reminder. It was great!

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NICOLE.ALICIA 5/10/2010 9:32AM

    thank you for posting. Very inspirational

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EVER-HOPEFUL 5/8/2010 6:22AM

    emoticonwell said.we must be our own heroes but we can also rely on other people to be our heroes and inspiration as well.anything that keeps our motivation and spark going.you are also one of my heroes as to me a heroe is not only someone to look up to it is someone that leaves an impact or inspires.you inspire me to be a better me and to see myself as being my own hero.thanks for that.

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KATIEGLEN012 5/8/2010 3:48AM

    We are all doing our best at any given minute...sometimes our best is not what we had hoped it would be. Tomorrow, or even the next hour, is another opportunity to work at it again. We'll be ok, we will do this.

PS Just watched your video blog. We can totally do everything, but life is about choices. If I choose not to participate in something, I can not whine about it not happening!

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DUTCHIEKIWI 5/7/2010 11:57PM

    I agree with you, and what a great feeling to arrive at the moment in our lives where we realise to that 'yes, we are the heroes of our own lives'

And even though you are the hero in your life...

you are also 'every bit the hero' in mine!!

Love ya

Dutchie

( from far far away on a holiday hehe ;0) )



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GEEMAWEST 5/7/2010 9:14PM

    Thanks again for such an uplifting blog!

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GREENCAT1 5/7/2010 8:31PM

    John, I agree - I think for so many people, diet is associated with being 'good' or 'bad'. When you are changing your lifestyle to work towards fitness you have to look at those setbacks as "wisdom flashes". Then, everything you do is an opportunity to learn, grow and understand yourself. Thanks for the blog!

Cathy emoticon

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JPRICE217 5/7/2010 7:24PM

    Once again you hit the nail on the head. I have never felt like a hero but we are all one. emoticon

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SNORRIS40 5/7/2010 6:17PM

    I am my own worst enemy. Now it is time to be a Hero! Thank you for the encouragement. emoticon

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SNORRIS40 5/7/2010 6:16PM

    I am my own worst enemy. Now it is time to be a Hero! Thank you for the encouragement. emoticon

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AZCUPCAKE 5/7/2010 5:48PM

    You really know how to turn a negative into a positive, and turn on a high-powered light into a corner of the brain that LOVES the dark and the weeping, wailing ghosts that live there! You are a gifted writer, but not only that, you really understand the human psyche! I am going to make a real effort to try and stand taller now because of your words. You are so right -- small problems are still PROBLEMS! Thank you sharing your generous, compassionate spirit with all of us!

Comment edited on: 5/7/2010 5:49:17 PM

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ROTTLADY 5/7/2010 5:32PM

    I do feel like a battle weary veteran. When do I succeed and get discharge papers. HAHA I feel like this is a life sentence .Feeling tired and slightly defeated and battle weary. I know that tomorrow will bring a new continuation of the battle and helpfully a victory.Thanks for the motivational kick start. I know I will have a victory and soon.

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GIRANIMAL 5/7/2010 4:35PM

    Thanks, John, for one more great blog! Another good friend always reminds me not to play the Other People game. And I just did it this week! So what if other people, who don't have chronic pain, can work out harder than I can? I do my best and, every once in a while, then some. That DOES make me my own hero! I have NO examples of good health in my life - but I found a way to learn anyway. And do my best to live it. Yay for me!

Now, onto that guilt thing. Oh boy, is that one huge for me. I am sad that is true for so many of us. I don't know where I learned it, but it's time to unlearn it. And I can and will. Because I am my own hero!

emoticon

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MARCYNA 5/7/2010 4:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IDALUKE 5/7/2010 3:13PM

    Thanks John I needed to hear this today, Not a good day , You got such great advice and wisdom. Thanks again John emoticon emoticon

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BECCALYNN75 5/7/2010 1:38PM

    emoticon I needed to hear that today. emoticon

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TINKERBELL200 5/7/2010 1:07PM

    Thanks John, You are exactly right I am my own hero! And tell me why do we compare ourselves to others???? What a good question!! After all we aren't them. Why would we think they would be and do things the same way we do?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts my friend. You likewise are a hero!
emoticon
Lynne

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ASHARON 5/7/2010 12:21PM

    Love this post!

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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/7/2010 12:01PM

  John, you are always right on the money. This time though I am one step ahead of you. I am a hero, my hero. I have come through things that most people would have crumbled under. I have endured immeasurable hardship and sadness, disappointment and defeat. My never give up and never give in attitude has helped me to endure. Each new day is an opportunity to bring me that much closer to my dreams coming true. I have learned so much in life about me and my circumstances and how to deal with them. One thing I know for sure it is people like you who make the journey that much more enjoyable. Have a great day...my spark friend

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PAULA3420 5/7/2010 11:50AM

    A Spark friend shared your blog with me. IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED!! emoticon And, I plan to put it into practice today. I love this and THANKS John for the reminder, to Celebrate ME!!

Great blog!!

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SHEILAKHS1 5/7/2010 11:05AM

    John I love your positive outlook...you really make me think hard about the person I am and it makes me want to work harder for the things i want to accomplish in life

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SANDYK4BAMA 5/7/2010 10:39AM

    Boy, you are so right! When I think of some of the things I've been through, and yet, here I am, alive, whole, relatively healthy, working-out, making a difference in my own and other people's lives, maybe I should give myself a medal. It's been no cakewalk, my life, but somehow, with God's divine love and incredible grace, I'm still here, still making it through life's struggles, still managing to smile (at least sometimes), and still loving the one true God, and still giving Him the credit for giving me the strength, courage, and wisdom that I need to go on.

Have a GREAT day, John!
SuperHugs to you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PRINCESSNURSE 5/7/2010 10:20AM

    This post is so great! It comes at the perfect time for me---tomorrow I run my first half marathon--I AM MY OWN HERO! (check out the blog I wrote about the experience!)

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JENNY888 5/7/2010 10:08AM

    Great post. It puts things into prospective.

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NANASNOW 5/7/2010 9:50AM

    I wish I could put my thoughts out there the way you! Thank you for being my hero too! I will stand a little taller today because of you!

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MICKEYMAX 5/7/2010 9:13AM

    You have a great way of looking at things. I appreciate your insights!

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SPARKLERFRIEND 5/7/2010 9:12AM

    I agree! emoticon

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JUDIL62 5/7/2010 9:01AM

    Very well said. This is a skill I'm working on diligintly (sp?)

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AMABILE75 5/7/2010 8:15AM

    emoticon John. You have once again given me something to ponder. :)

emoticon

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ROSE5328 5/7/2010 8:14AM

    After wallowing in a funk for the last few weeks I really needed to hear this!

Thank you!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

How We Define Ourselves

Thursday, May 06, 2010


2

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TENDERLOVE1 5/12/2010 12:33PM

    Thank you John!

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HDHAWK 5/10/2010 8:35PM

    I'm so glad I stumbled across your page today John. Thank you!

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DAVEINSEOUL 5/9/2010 6:23AM

    Love your video blog - pretty awesome!

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GRAMHIFF 5/8/2010 8:27AM

    HOW BEAUTIFULY SAID,WHAT AN INSPERATION YOU ARE I REALLY NEEDED THAT TODAY. emoticon. THANK YOU

Comment edited on: 5/8/2010 8:27:53 AM

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ANNE-ELIZ 5/8/2010 2:30AM

    Good Job!

Yours is the first video blog that I've watched the whole way through, without stopping.

Good distinction between ability and choice.

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KRISTIEE1 5/8/2010 12:30AM

    great video blog john!!! thanks i needed this to lift my day and yes WE CAN DO IT!!!!i sent your blog to my sister also a sparker im sure she will enjoy it toooo. emoticon

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AZCUPCAKE 5/7/2010 7:25PM

    You really know how to turn a person's attitude around! How blessed I feel to have been tuned in to The Power of John! emoticon

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LAWRALOO 5/7/2010 6:34PM

    YOU are an inspiration!
And an excellent speaker! I'm currently working on becoming a better public speaker. I've always been horrible at it because I haven't had the self confidence to do so. I was always afraid of what everyone else was thinking.
I'm doing much better at not caring what people think.

I grinned when you said 'What about you? How do you define yourself?'
Because how I define myself today makes me happy. A year ago, I didn't want to define myself. I was happy being undefined, because if I defined myself, I'd have to admit the truth to the most important person. Me.
I like the truth now. I like who I've become. I like how I define myself

Thank you for posting this :)

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ZRAMOMMA 5/7/2010 5:25PM

    You are a great speaker and i notice that you write like you speak. I think that is a great quality. Thanks for your never ending wisdom. Keep it up!

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/7/2010 9:44AM

    John, thank you for once again saying what I really needed to hear today. We do need to be our own heroes and celebrate the successes and even failures along the way. We often learn more from the failures and struggles than we do the successes. Well said!

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CINDYMCD1 5/7/2010 9:22AM

    Wow! Good thing you were at a boring meeting yesterday! Nice blog! :)

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JURI62 5/7/2010 6:06AM

    Well said! Thank you.

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BEEBEE73 5/7/2010 1:59AM

    Thank you John, I was just at the point of giving up. I wrote a very negative blog this morning. (I'm not able to express myself as nicely as you). I say many times "AH, I can't do that". I have very low self-esteem. Why, I don't know. I think I just need to tell myself that I'm a good person, and I can do what I set my mind to. I guess we need to talk to ourselves alot. Anyway, thanks, your words were very encouraging and up building. And this morning I really really needed that.

Betty

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HAWAIILINDA 5/6/2010 10:50PM

    John, glad your blogs and you are part of my amazing journey. I'm learning a lot of good things from you!

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TEDYBEAR2838 5/6/2010 9:58PM

    WOW John,what a great blog. I sure needed that today. I'm on the I Can't or I mean I won't say that now. It is MY CHOICE, you are so right.

So I Choose to succeed. Boy, It was a day of UNWISE choices. SO today is done, I'm on my way on this journey with you again.

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TINAFITE 5/6/2010 3:38PM

    Beautifully motivational blog! Thank you!

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GREYGOSSAMER 5/6/2010 3:22PM

    Um, how do you do post a video blog? I can NEVER DO THAT! You must be MUCH BETTER AT THAT than I ever will be.... :)

But seriously,... can you tell me how? I wanna try and do one!

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TRISH2229 5/6/2010 2:13PM

    I read this quote recently and liked it so much I had to write it down. "your life flows in the directions of your most dominant thoughts." Thought you might it too!
Great blog!

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NEWLIFE4ME09 5/6/2010 10:55AM

    Thank you John, and thanks for being such a great Motivator. You are so right and I choose to lose weight and be happier about myself.

We can do this

Have a wonderful Day

Big Hugs
Elizabeth emoticon

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SANDYK4BAMA 5/6/2010 10:41AM

    Thank you, John, for your input! You are SO inspiring! I'm so glad I found you on here, because when I feel down and don't "choose to" exercise, I read things you've written and said, and I'm just ready to go after that! You are a great motivator! You make me proud to be a member of SparkPeople! I'm sending you hugs today! Hope your Thursday is wonderful!!
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MUSTANG_SALLY2 5/6/2010 10:25AM

    Thanks for the reminder!

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JAE_HENNINGTON 5/6/2010 10:18AM

  Thanks John, your blogs are always so timely. I wrestle with this very issue and have been working through them. I find myself at times thinking I can't do something. Because of a lifetime of negative upbringing it has been easy to fall into a pattern of thinking I can't instead of I am choosing not to. Now I have to constantly have to ask myself what choice do I want to make. A friend once told me the choice you make will be the decision that will become the easiest thing to do the next time. Once again your blog is right on the money

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STORMTMB 5/6/2010 10:09AM

    Another good one, John!

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MARTINT011 5/6/2010 9:37AM

  thanks for the blog.

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MARTINT011 5/6/2010 9:35AM

  Thanks for the blog. Thanks for the insight. ABout how a year ago you were just sitting around watching T.V. and now you and wife are going to the gym. Now making choices about healthy eating. I did enjoy reading this blog. I felt better about getting more active and watching what I eat. Got to stay motivated and it helps to watch the blogs. emoticon

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MOMMABOF7 5/6/2010 9:13AM

    I can't think you enough! I look forward to your blogs everyday now. You are very gifted !!!
I have been trying to move from walking to jogging. I am making some progress, but after your blog today I am wondering if it it a physical or mental block that is stopping me. As a child I was always called clumbsy and "slow as christmas" I hated running because of that. Today I am going to define myself as a jogger! I am headed out in a few mins to beat my last time...

Thanks John!!! I also loved the blog yesterday about excuses. You are really speaking to my heart
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SPARKLERFRIEND 5/6/2010 9:01AM

    Thanks for sharing in this format and for the encouragement you passed to all of your listeners! emoticon

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BAM0827 5/6/2010 8:57AM

    I totally agree with you. I hear "can't" often and I just want to say you can you just won't.

I hope this blog is voted most popular just so others can share in your wisdom on this topic! Thanks for the live discussion - it was a great medium for the topic!

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FREDIA2 5/6/2010 8:30AM

    THe thoughts were just what I needed.

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ROSE5328 5/6/2010 8:29AM

    Thank you John! I have stayed on plan all week and I stepped on the scale this morning and was up a pound. Negative thoughts took over, "I'm never going to be able to lose this weight." "I'm a big fat blob." "I'll always be fat, why do I even try." Well, the list is endless.

I really needed to hear this this morning. I need to concentrate on my successes and redefine myself.

Thank you!

Rose

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FANAMAMA 5/6/2010 8:26AM

    Thanks John! An awesome way to start my day. I CAN ... I can run that 5K. I just mapped it out in my neighborhood.

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ELIZABETH525 5/6/2010 8:25AM

    Wow I really enjoyed this! It is so very true that people do not do things because they are scared of failign before they even try. The way I see it...they are right...they will never fail if they never try...but they will never succeed either. People do not take chances in life because they choose not to. People KNOW that eating an entire pizza , an entire bag of chips is unhealthy but they make that choice. What defines me: being a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter. Being someone who walks at the park. Being someone who loves to write and loves to inspire people. Being someone who will not lose focus of my goals! Thank you!

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MICKEYMAX 5/6/2010 8:23AM

    I love your positive attitude, and willingness to share it!

Thanks and happy Thursday to you, too!

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DOLLBABE56 5/6/2010 8:20AM

    You know, John, just seeing and listening to you is a huge motivation. As I watched and listened, I was thinking about everything you said. I realize just how negative I have been. The trick is turning that around. I am trying to be positive. It is not always possible, but I am getting better at it.

Have a happy, positive day!

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