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" I Am Worth It....."

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Hi, guys. this is my second attempt at a video blog. Hopefully more of you will be able to view it

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CROBINGO 4/22/2010 9:19AM

    John - this says it is your second video blog...but it is your first one again! I do love it though (and you have an amazing voice...)

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KATHERYNP 4/22/2010 8:00AM

    Hi John,
I am now one of your regular followers. I ran across your blog and picked up on your wonderful spirit and just had to subscribe. Loved your video and your love and bright attitude come across in person as it does in your writing. By the way your hair looked fine..Not one hair out of place. Have a great day!!
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Finding Me (I Was There All Along)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

“Okay John, if you are so gosh awfully smart why are you so fat? Isn’t that a lack of discipline, intelligence and any other character flaw you might like to throw in there? I mean, isn’t it? How can you teach the stuff you teach, and say the things you say and still be as one tiny little child called you “El Gordo!”

That’s a good question, one I have asked myself for awhile now. This morning as I lie in bed the answer came to me. It was there all the time; I just hadn’t bothered to look for it in the right place.

I began to become healthier and happier when I stopped thinking and started living. I threw away the surveys, the charts and the graphs and embarked upon a journey to reclaim John. I started believing from my heart. I began to become authentic, in other words, the real John. I became vulnerable.

This journey was accelerated, clarified, use whatever word you like to use by a Spark friend who sent me a link to another web site last week. The gist of what the website said is incorporated in the quote on my Spark Page.

"I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified."

It was a much needed slap in the face. It says if you are gonna talk the talk you better walk the walk and yeah John I led you here for a reason and its not as a dear priest friend of mine once said to “Play patty-cake in the holy water.”

I knew exactly what it meant when I read it. It didn’t scare me, it challenged me. It means I have to be authentic. I have to be John. The three hundred twenty six pound person who began this journey a little over four months ago was as close to being John as the sun was to the moon. He was fat, he was miserable and he had a lifetime supply of tee shirts that read “Denial Is Not Just a River In Egypt.” He refused to acknowledge a number of things in his life. He couldn’t talk about them because he wouldn’t think about them. He was running from himself. Other people had health issues but not John. He stood above all.

I got tired of being fat and in that misery I was led to the journey I am on now. It led me to health but that health came only when I stopped thinking with my head and living with my heart. My resistance was broken down by my misery.
It meant not being afraid to tell people I need them and their wisdom. It meant opening myself up to new ideas and to ideas that came from other people as well as myself. It meant reconnecting with the me I left sitting on a park bench so many years ago who patiently waited for my return.

It means smiling and being proud of what I do. It means being awesomely blown away some mornings that people look at me as a positive example and realizing I have an awesome obligation to live up to. Realizing I have that obligation and actually look forward to fortifying it on a daily basis.

It means opening up to you. It means sharing things and then really worrying all day that I am going to have a ton of people think poorly of because I opened up and then laughing at myself because some days I truly am “a real piece of work.”
You, sitting at your PC, in your office, on your blackberry reading this, are what gives me momentum. I need you. I am not afraid to tell you that. That’s what is written on my heart.

I need to hear about the fifteen pound weight loss and the 5k run and the awesome aerobics class and how you made a new friend. I stand in front of you jumping up and down waving and yelling “me too, me too.”

You make me feel a part of something. I need to read about your triumphs and your adversities because the competitive part of me then joins in and kicks it up a notch.

That’s what you do for me, along with your gentle, loving words.

A Spark friend wrote me last night and said “I am not sure how you can love someone you never met, but I do. I have so many Spark friends I may never meet but love dearly.”

It’s easy my dear friend. It took me fifty seven years to find the answer. You love those people you may never, ever meet because you allow them to love you. If you believe you serve no other purpose in life, believe that you are here to love someone and encourage someone by the beautiful and simple fact that you were created.

Okay, so why are you sitting there?

Let yourself be loved. It’s not as hard as you think.

Just ask me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCYNA 5/4/2010 6:43AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
I was thinking about handcuffs and setting ourselves free from greed, envy and jealousy but you said it much more beautifully, John!!!!!

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TRISHP1961 5/2/2010 8:02AM

    Good luck on your journey! Thanks so much for sharing!

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FANAMAMA 4/22/2010 9:08AM

    Dear John, and I start it that way, using the term dear as it is meant to be used - what a dear, dear person you are. Allowing ourselves to be loved is a HUGE step because we do not love ourselves - at least not in the condition most of us are in. So thank you, thank you for loving us all as we are - where we are - and who we are. And thank you for allowing US to love YOU back. God bless you, dear John.

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KATIEGLEN012 4/22/2010 4:58AM

    Love you.

Especially love your compassion, determination, warmth, generosity, intelligence, sensitivity, vulnerability, faith and those are just the ones that came to me without having to think. I sometimes have wondered if you have always been this open or if it is a result of this journey.

I see you incorporating the new you into work and family. I feel privileged to be a small part of the rebirth of John. emoticon

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WANNABE751 4/22/2010 3:39AM

    A great blog. You are unique in your writing, I could feel the emotion as I read love of self and love for others. Your family are lucky to have you as you are an amazing man!

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TINKERBELL200 4/21/2010 9:44PM

    John great blog, but you have been walking the walk! You're making tremendous strides in changing not just your life, but your lifestyle. keep it up you inspire me! I hear your i tunes!!! LOL!
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Lynne

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EGGENS 4/21/2010 9:39PM

    emoticon Loved it!

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WANDAH3 4/21/2010 5:11PM

    You truly are an "earth angel"

Hugs,
Wanda

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DALMOMOF3 4/21/2010 4:15PM

    What an amazing blog, good for you!!! This one touched me, thank you for sharing

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MORTICIAADDAMS 4/21/2010 2:40PM

    I am loved and your are as well. And I'm certain that your children would never be "El rudo" enough to call anyone "El Gordo". That's terrible!!!

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SUNMOONSTAR9 4/21/2010 1:46PM

  emoticonthis blog really put a lot into perspective for me.

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 4/21/2010 1:22PM

    Ok, I got it this time. This blog is like your love song to us. We sing our love to you in every response we give and now you are singing one to us. Along with the song, you give yourself a lesson:

TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE!

You also take that lesson and try to teach us the same lesson with hopes that we won't have to do it the hard way as you have.

How was that analogy? Did I understand it this time?

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SPARKENISTA 4/21/2010 12:45PM

    John--You have been walking the walk and being genuine the entire time you've been @ SP. That is why you have such a following. You are emoticon

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TEDYBEAR2838 4/21/2010 12:27PM

    You put things so well into words. Thank you . You bless a lot of folks on Spark People!

Keep on Keeping ON!

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KT-NICHOLS-13 4/21/2010 12:06PM

    "I started believing from my heart." - maybe this is what I really need to do! That and, "Let yourself be loved." Thank you!


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TEENY_BIKINI 4/21/2010 11:50AM

    emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 4/21/2010 10:35AM

    What a great blog to read to start my day off right. Awesome! Wonderful! Superb! Thank you so much for taking the time to write for us. We are all so blessed to have you in our lives.

Love, Cheryl

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 4/21/2010 10:34AM

    I'm afraid I'm going to have to come back later and read this again. I didn't quite get it.

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MAMADONNA57 4/21/2010 10:33AM

    Another great blog! You have an amazing gift not only for writing but for identifying what people are feeling without really realizing it, by showing them, you inspire and help them tremendously! Thank you! emoticon

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YOYONOMORE1 4/21/2010 9:59AM

    And the most important of these is LOVE! If we can't love ourselves how are we going to love others. Thanks John for another great blog.

Hugs,
Shirl

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CMBELISLE 4/21/2010 9:47AM

    Your quote is excellent and should touch many people, especially parents - how can we "preach" to our children about what is right or wrong, in life or health, if we do not "practice what we preach"? I have to set the example for those around me - I can't expect someone else to do it.

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LISSYSMOM02 4/21/2010 9:42AM

    You are truly an amazing man! I am new to your page but I get a warm and fuzzy feeling every time I read something you write. You are very inspirational! Thank you for sharing your blogs!!! emoticon

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MUGGLE_MOM 4/21/2010 9:24AM

    Another one that brought tears to my eyes. You have such a wonderful insight. I am so glad to have found you.

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DEVENIRBELLE 4/21/2010 9:15AM

    Thanks. The reality is that we are all connected and we need to help one another!

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GREENCAT1 4/21/2010 9:05AM

    John - It is so hard to feel lovable or worthy of love when you are overweight. Thanks for the reminder that i am lovable. After all, I am a child of God, as we all are.

Love,
Cathy emoticon

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JAE_HENNINGTON 4/21/2010 9:04AM

  you always write just to my heart. I am learning to live authentically. and it is scary as hell. I was having a difficult time last night. I was very down. See I am afraid to be me. To show people who I really am. My mother always told me if you tell or show people who you really are. You will be rejected. I was terrified of me and my life and of people. I am afraid to show people my vulnerabilities. It dawned on me last night I hold people at a distance because of that fear. In my aha moment last night I realized other people are not my mother. She lied to me.. people wouldnt reject me, those were her words and they don't have to be my reality....thank you so much for being who you are and allowing us to be a part of your life. emoticon

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BUGGYS 4/21/2010 8:51AM

    Oh John...you really put the truth behind all of your blogs and you give me hope!!! emoticon

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MARENAMOO 4/21/2010 8:38AM

    Hey John,

My Spark theme this month is let the light shine in - being honest and throwing the light into the dark corners where we hide eating the food and being lazy. When we are honest with ourselves and others we let the light shine into places where shame and guilt hide - With nowhere to hide they are banished. That is what you are doing - banishing the shame and encouraging others to do the same. This way we don't have to hang our head we can look straight on and embrace the life that is coming at us.

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DOLLBABE56 4/21/2010 8:37AM

    We are all so blessed to have the honor of reading your blogs, and getting to know you. Loving oneself is something I will eternally work towards. A work in progress. I have made so many wonderful friends here on Spark. You are in the top 5!

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MARCYNA 4/21/2010 8:30AM

    WoW...Love always find a way to connect people even if they cannot meet.
I'll tell you a story.
A woman in prayer asked for the money to call her friends from Europe back in South America and received these words :
"If you love and think about your friends, they will FEEL it even if you have no money to pay for the phone calls" and her friends told her they actually had heard her voice as if she had been there.
Amazing, ain't it???
Love

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LBIMAMMA 4/21/2010 8:22AM

    I am so thankful I landed on your blog page---I needed to hear those words today. emoticon emoticon

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JPRICE217 4/21/2010 8:20AM

    Good blog John! For the longest I was a wife and a mother i didn't know who I was after my husband died and my son was grown I had to find out who I was. I'm still working on this.

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AMABILE75 4/21/2010 8:17AM

    Yet another wonderful blog. I truly hope that one day I'll be able to reach out and encourage half as many people as you do. You are amazing.

This is such an incredible journey of finding the person deep inside of us just bursting to come through. Some days it is much more difficult to find ourselves, but showing love to one another is a great start!!

Thanks again my friend.

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ALPOPLUP 4/21/2010 8:07AM

    it is so true, you have to believe you deserve to be loved and allow yourself to be loved

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My Day In Nashville

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Hi;

You get to read about me twice in one day......... Lucky You emoticon

The people I went to see in Nashville this morning hadn't physically seen me since late December. When they walked into the lobby to greet me there were like OMG!!!

I got to Spread The Spark. emoticon

They wanted to know what I was doing and I was pretty sane and rational. I think I only got all gushy once or twice. Okay maybe three or four times. Alright, most of the time I was there!!!

When we sat down for lunch, everyone was watching me. This business is a hotel and so it had its own restaurant. I perused the menu and ordered a club sandwich and a side of fresh fruit. My two lunch mates ordered the same LOL

I drove home, which is about a two hour drive and instead of going home I went straight to the gym. Go me!!! Got my workout in. That is usually a struggle with me after day trips because I just want to sort of collapse. Today I worked out.

This has been a red letter day

Love

John

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOOKAPHILE 4/21/2010 10:24AM

    I know what you mean about people who haven't seen you for a long time. I've lost about 25 pounds since last November. I went to my regular Dr. checkup in March, and he was so impressed that he said he wouldn't let me leave until I told him what I was doing. I told him "portion control and exercise enabled considerably by the free website Sparkpeople.com." He wrote it down and said he was going to go take a look.
It feels good to spread the spark because someone else really wants the information.

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CMBELISLE 4/21/2010 9:07AM

    It's so much fun to spread the spark! Sounds terrific!

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SPARKLE1908 4/21/2010 8:39AM

    That's wonderful that you got to spread the Spark and that they were watching your food choices...they saw results and will probably follow your lead!!!!

And extra kudos for getting to the gym!!! That shows your determination....

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMABILE75 4/21/2010 7:18AM

    I'm so glad that you had a nice trip. It is always nice to meet up with people who haven't seen you since you lost weight! It makes you feel good while giving you a chance to spread that Spark! emoticon emoticon

I'm so proud of you for going to the gym after your trip. That is not always easy to do but you did it. emoticon

I hope you have a wonderful day today my friend. Thanks for being you!

emoticon

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FERNASHES 4/21/2010 3:37AM

    Congratulations on doing so well today and spreading the Spark! Impressive, keep it up! :)

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BELLAMIMI1 4/21/2010 12:27AM

    As we say to the young people in the family when they do something positive and good for themselves and/or others (such a good tool for the potty-training toddlers! LOL) - GOOD JOB!

What a fantabulous day for you!

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WEEZIE1122 4/20/2010 10:49PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 4/20/2010 10:24PM

    emoticon

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TEDYBEAR2838 4/20/2010 9:04PM

    WOW JOHN! YOU ROCK!

Feeling good, getting input from long time friends and ordering the right foods, set you right up for the GYM.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KATIEGLEN012 4/20/2010 8:52PM

    Gushy is what we love about you!

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MUGGLE_MOM 4/20/2010 8:12PM

    What a fabulous day! I am so happy for you!!!!

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GEEMAWEST 4/20/2010 8:07PM

    Go You!!

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STORMTMB 4/20/2010 7:52PM

    I remember your post when you saw clients who were presumably afraid to ask about your weight loss and you were so disappointed. I'm so glad that these folks were able to share your joy. Sounds like an awesome day.

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 4/20/2010 7:18PM

    You had a perfect day!!! You where able to infect some other people with the Spark bug!! Way to go!! And the Gym after a long car ride, wow that takes strength. Most people just want to go to sleep after a ride like that. WTG!!!


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KATHERYNP 4/20/2010 7:11PM

    Thanks for sharing that great story. I am hooked on your blogs and love hearing all the positives and wisdoms you share. Glad I came across your blog. Thanks!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HONORINGGOD 4/20/2010 6:58PM

    way to go john i love seeing people that have not seen you in months. first they think your sick lol.then they want to know more so i testify what God has done for me . open door &im going in amen .keep up the great job your doing emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/20/2010 6:58:27 PM

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WANDAH3 4/20/2010 6:55PM

    You Rock John! I'll bet you are feeling on top of the world. Woo Hoo!

Hugs,
Wanda

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GIRANIMAL 4/20/2010 6:54PM

    Yay for you, John! Getting to show off a bit, both your progress and your "secret weapon" (smart food choices), must have made for a rather exciting day! Add in the workout after the travel, and emoticon

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So proud of you.

I spread the Spark at my love's going away party on Sunday. It felt awkward, because it was to the girlfriend of one of his friends, whom I'd never met before. But she initiated the conversation and seemed eager for the help, so I shared away! We talked about family food traditions and pressure - all the stuff that can be found here. I found myself hoping even after the party, about a near-stranger, that it changes her life the way it's helped change mine. That's some powerful stuff! Don't ya just love SparkPeople?

emoticon

Angie

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MINENA1 4/20/2010 6:33PM

    YAYYYY for spreading the spark!! emoticon

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CINDYC53 4/20/2010 6:31PM

    Such good feelings to reinforce all the good choices you are making! Thanks for sharing your great day -
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DUTCHIEKIWI 4/20/2010 6:24PM

    You have conquered another hurdle and turned it into a milestone!!!

Well done John!

Rock on, Spark hard!

Dutchie

x

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DOLLIE6 4/20/2010 6:20PM

    emoticon emoticonZOOM ZOOM

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JCDROLSHAGEN 4/20/2010 6:18PM

    emoticon emoticon
Glad you had a great day!

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JAE_HENNINGTON 4/20/2010 5:57PM

  Isn't it great when we can share something that we are so passionate about. Isn't it great when we share something that will actually enhance somebody else's life. Glad you had a good day. File this day away and when you start to feel a little down.. pull it out and smile and enjoy that good feeling all over again..Very proud of you John

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DOLLBABE56 4/20/2010 5:55PM

    Acknowledging how great you look must have made you feel so proud of all the good work you have done. And you should be proud. Spreading the Spark and then lunch. Going to the gym.... I guess there just is nothing like the feeling when you are working out and knowing that it is all worth it. You/me/we are worth all of it.

Well, we may have a few new Spark recruits thanks to you! I'm so happy for you.

Comment edited on: 4/20/2010 5:58:24 PM

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PINETREEGIRL 4/20/2010 5:50PM

    What a great day! You must be so pleased with you.
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CLOTHEDINLOVE 4/20/2010 5:47PM

    WOOHOO!!! I mean, emoticon

Seeing people for the first time since you've lost weight is the coolest thing!

And way to show them how to order that food. Go you!

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CATHERINEL66 4/20/2010 5:47PM

    Kudos to you on going right to the gym! You go guy!

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Dont Just Do Something, Sit There!!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Let me let you in on a little secret you most likely were not aware of:

You are perfect just the way you are.

Yup you read right.

As you sit in front of your computer drinking in every word you read, YOU, the person who believes they are so full of fatal flaws and all that other melodramatic stuff we put ourselves though, that YOU, is perfect just the way they are.

Know what? You don’t believe it any more than I do!!! We read about it write about it, talk about it, pray about it and then discard it to try to be like the person next door or down the block or in the cubicle next to us. We want to be taller, shorter, thinner, brighter more attractive and we invest thousands of hours and hundreds of dollars trying to recreate perfection.

How messed up is that?

You were born with a very unique set of gifts and talents that no one and I mean no one else was given. As soon as you became aware of those gifts and talents you tried to trade them in on another set, someone else’s set. It’s sort of like trying to fit into size five shoes when you are a size eight…. All sorts of issues!!

We become unhappy, so we toss around words like “self discipline,” to correct our perceived wrongs and then we become more unhappy. In my case there was more of me there!!! I got bigger and bigger and blamed it on stress and on bad diet and on the planets not being aligned correctly. Told myself and others I liked to cook, loved to eat and oh well what could I do?

“Uhm John? You could have quit fooling yourself.” No kidding, LOL.

We are so busy trying to change US that we never take the opportunity to simply be us!!! We never discovered who we were and what we were capable of doing so how in the name of the good Lord were we supposed to love ourselves?

“Oh, John!!! If you only knew some of the stuff I did in the past you wouldn’t want to hang with me!!!”

Question: “Everybody in the room who has never, ever screwed up royally and majorly please stand up.” I see everyone is sitting down which means you and I have lots of company. Our mistakes in life have their own personal and unique flavor on them but a mistake is a mistake. If God refuses to reject you, if God loves you so tenderly and deeply despite your faults do you think it’s okay for ME to judge you? I doubt it.

Here’s an idea. I floated it to you yesterday. Instead of dwelling on all the screw ups start writing down one thing a day you do well, something that satisfies you and makes you feel like you are part of that perfect world you claim you don’t belong in. In a year you will have done at least three hundred sixty five great things.

It only takes a second and if you think about it you are only writing down what you are doing anyway, right? Of course, right!

You are perfect just the way you are. Don’t fret or stress. We are not conditioned to act that way. When I started applying in my life the things that had been floating around in my head, the stuff I did well, viola, I started getting healthier, started losing weight, making new friends. (Like YOU!!!)

I want to exercise, maybe not always with a smile on my face and song in my heart, but I know I am worth it.

I woke up this morning and as is my custom I lie in bed and start to review all the stuff I need to get done today.

“Ooops, I didn’t say my prayers.” I spent a few seconds berating myself. I mean God has done so much for me and I had forgotten to say good morning.

As I whipped myself spiritually and emotionally my inner voice spoke to me as said, “Why don’t you just lie there and be quiet for awhile. You don’t always have to be doing or saying something. Just be with me.”

So I did.

That’s when it came to me, I am perfect just the way I am, deeply loved and one of the coolest people on earth. Yes I can be smarter and cooler and I can learn much, much more.

Don’t just do something, sit there.

Have a perfect day, perfect people
.
Sorry, I forgot. The one thing I do well today has become the motto for my business
“I help good people become better.”

See ya

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JESSIE12041 4/28/2010 7:41PM

  I really enjoyed this and it meant a lot. So many of us try to find flaws in everything about us and what we do, it is nice to just embrace who we are as a person.

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LESA2.0 4/27/2010 6:04PM

    You rock!!!! We all know in our hearts the things you wrote in this blog, but we feel we're being egotistical if we say them to ourselves (at least I do). But it is so true. We are each of us a unique creation of God and we are what He meant us to be. To honor God, each of us should try to be the best "me" that we can be — and that does not entail trying to be someone else!!!! Wow, you are a truly gifted motivator and an amazing person. Thank you so much!!!

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KLOSH1 4/24/2010 12:44AM

    thank you for the inspiration, it was a nice thing to read tonight!

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DIANE7786 4/23/2010 11:57PM

    Great blog. I'll start thinking about my good traits.

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JERRI82 4/23/2010 7:33PM

    you did it again! another great blog! you are good! you are right... we are all perfect just the way we are. God made each of us unique... and wonderful in his image. you are special.. thank you for sharing that... good health and God bless.
jerri

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JERRI82 4/23/2010 7:32PM

    you did it again! another great blog! you are good! you are right... we are all perfect just the way we are. God made each of us unique... and wonderful in his image. you are special.. thank you for sharing that... good health and God bless.
jerri

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JERRI82 4/23/2010 7:27PM

    you did it again! you are good! you are right... we are all perfect just the way we are.
God made each of us unique... and wonderful in his image. thank you for another great blog.... you are special.. thank you for sharing that... good health and God bless.
jerri

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SWEET14LOSING 4/23/2010 5:04PM

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! REALLY NEEDED THIS...TODAY AND EVERYDAY FOR A WHILE!
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STARINTHESKY 4/23/2010 1:58PM

    Great blog! emoticon emoticon

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AVIVAC 4/23/2010 1:07PM

  Nice blog.
Aviva
www.bodywisdomdvd
s.com

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AVIVAC 4/23/2010 1:06PM

  Nice blog.
Aviva
www.bodywisdomdvd
s.com

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CHANGINGELAINE 4/22/2010 3:14PM

    Perfectly said. Your words are always an inspiration. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ZRAMOMMA 4/22/2010 3:13PM

    Really glad I came across your blog today. I guess it was something I needed to read. Thanks for your inspiring words.

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CAROLYN1213 4/22/2010 2:40PM

    This IS soooo true. I had this Epiphany year in 2009 where I had the privilege of seeing myself as God sees me and it changed my world. Every lie I had ever believed about my worth or value fell away. Evey misconception I had ever based a decision on became so evident. What I was left with is that God created me, only me, to fulfill a mission that only I can, to fellowship with Him and have a relationship with Him that only I can. You can have your relationship with Him, but you can't have mine, mine is unique. He created a beautiful song named Carolyn that whistles in the wind, skips in the sunlight and dances by the light of the moon.

Thanks for being you!

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HEALTHYFIGHTER 4/22/2010 2:24PM

    Wow that was amazing!

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FROGGERHKC 4/22/2010 12:29PM

    I linked to this blog from one of my spark friends commenting on it, and I am so glad I did. Thank you for sharing this! Definitely something I needed to hear today, and it is very true. I like the idea of writing down one thing we all do well a day, it's a great way to become more positive and I am going to start doing it today.
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FSTORM 4/22/2010 11:57AM

    Thanks for this! You have put a smile on my face today.

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KBL-123 4/22/2010 11:18AM

    Thanks so much~ Very inspiring!

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/22/2010 11:11AM

    emoticon

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LEAN-N-LEXY 4/22/2010 9:28AM

    There is a wonderful song called, "I Love Myself the Way I Am". I know that comments here have a tendency to get chopped up, but here is a link to lyrics for you:
http://tinyurl.com/lovemyse
lf-lyric

Your essay is a wonderful description of just how not changing, but growing is what we're supposed to be doing.

Sometimes being still and silent is the best prayer. It's the best way to listen. emoticon

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FLORENCE1010 4/22/2010 8:19AM

  It is truly a challenge to become absolutely perfect these days. Too much information not enough information. Getting totally in touch with yourself, your therapist, life in general is a must. All you perfect people out there, Congratulations!, and more power to you. Us perfect people who seek more perfection hope to stay out of your way and become a little better today, maybe a little more grown up than we were the day, week, month, and year before. Here is hoping we can all discern what is need and what is just a pointless want.

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BELLAMIMI1 4/21/2010 2:19PM

    Thanks for adding me as a friend. You are certainly an addition to my list.
(I can't figure out how to add an Emoticon at the end of my sentences. They are only being inserted at the end of all text. But I would have put a smiley face at the end of my first sentence) LOL.

Man, what do you do in "real" life?! Are you a Priest, Pastor, Rabbi, social worker, psychologist or life coach?! LOL. Well, you could be any one of those or none of 'em.

I'll tell you what the Sparkers who follow your blogs know that you are: a very special, insightful, deeply loved, cool, blessed MAN.

Among many, one of the good things you did today was listening to yourself. Oh, and doing what GOD said: Be still and know that I am GOD.

Thanks. emoticon

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MARCYNA 4/21/2010 8:49AM

    Lovely, just by being you you've helped me, John.
Thank you!!!!

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BUGGYS 4/21/2010 7:45AM

    I am saving this blog, John because I want my kids to read this...they are always complaining about themselves...as their mom, I am such a positive person and I am perfect in their eyes...now I want them to see that they are perfect in their own eyes! I wish more people would realize just how good they are...being overweight doesn't define someone...thank you for a great blog! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EDWINA172 4/21/2010 6:13AM

    Your words are so touching. I started reading this yesterday, became emotional and had to stop. Finished reading it a little later. Keep writing. Keep helping others. You have a gift.

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DAVEINSEOUL 4/21/2010 2:29AM

    Yep. I'm not perfect.

Yep. I screw up and do things that I know I shouldn't.

Yep. I have some guilt sessions.

But you know what? I'm not sorry or apologetic to say that most of the time, I feel pretty darn good about myself. And others around me. And the way my life turned out. And where I live, what I'm doing and how I am taking my life back.

I am happy just the way I am - but I also strive to grow and become even better tomorrow than I was today.

I'm pretty comfortable with myself. But I can do better. I can grow. I can be a better husband, father, and grandfather.

God meets us where we are, and if we allow him to, he molds us into becoming better humans. But we also have to take some responsibility to cooperate.

41 days ago, I decided to take my life back. I have completely changed my eating, sleeping, hydration, and exercise habits. I know God loved me 41 days ago for who I was, but I was NOT happy with myself. I was so overweight that I couldn't even take short walks without my muscles hurting. 41 days ago I said - ENOUGH. I took responsibility for being the way I was, and was so dissatisfied with where my body was at that I HAD to do something with it - hence the spark journey which I have started and will never look back from.

Yes God loved me where I was at 41 days ago. But did he want me to be overweight, in pain all the time, and always out of breath. NO! He has been waiting patiently for me - but I had to do my part and take some accountability for my poor physical state.

God wants us to change. He wants to change us. But WE must cooperate. Change (spiritual, emotional, and physical) starts with us accepting responsibility for our current state and our willingness to discipline ourselves enough to make the healthy changes permanent in our lives. My first three weeks of swimming, walking, and riding were NOT fun. Nor was changing my eating habits (I LOVE Starbucks Mocha's, cheesecake, and a good T-bone steak). But I have disciplined myself over the past 7 weeks to change the bad eating habits for good ones and to get daily exercise. I have dropped 12 pounds - and am walking, swimming, riding a bike - all the things I used to love to do, I am now doing them again after 10 years of making excuses, being lazy, and having no discipline at all over what when into my mouth.

I am almost completely done with week 7 and will start week 8 on Thursday. What is so important about 8 weeks? According to most psychologists, that's how long it takes for lifestyle changes to become permanent.

Why the long response? Because, for me, taking my life back is about my own personal accountability. Unless I took responsibility for my unpleasant physical state, unless I was willing to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!, unless I was willing to take the dramatic steps to work out 30 minutes a day, and track everything that went into my mouth, NOTHING in my life would change.

So yes, John, God loves us the way we are. But I believe he wants US to take personal accountability to see where we are and what we need to do to grown and become better. Most of us would not be using Spark People if we weren't dissatisfied. We're here because we want to change - it starts with taking accountability for the personal discipline needed for permanent change.

Comment edited on: 4/21/2010 2:32:44 AM

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SUSIEMILO 4/21/2010 12:01AM

    what a wonderful blog. Thanks so much for putting this out there.
I don't know you yet, but I already know that I like you.


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TEDYBEAR2838 4/20/2010 9:07PM

    Good Idea, I need to start writing all the GOOD things in m y life. I don't really dwell on negatives. but I don't always appreciate the positives.

Good for yOU!

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DUTCHIEKIWI 4/20/2010 8:50PM

    The truth can be hard, sometimes cruel but also eye opening, and sometimes being told the truth can really make you feel content as it's okay... it really is,okay.

You....

You do, you ARE making good people better, and I love you for it!

How can you love someone you've never met?
Beats me, to be honest, but it's the truth.

I have met people here on this site, people like yourself that really make me want to become the best I can be, more then any motivational or spiritual book I have ever read.

I want to support others, become stronger myself and have found out that helping others really DOES motivate me more then I ever thought it would.

I'm okay with me, not all the time...
sometimes I yell, sometimes I curse, okay, sometimes I can be a downright bitch.

But I'm loving,loyal and I've got a good heart, I try to be a good wife, mother and friend.

I am more proud of myself now then I have been before.
To be honest this morning was a little rough getting up.
Once again your blog has made it alright.

Thanks JT,

you are becoming one of my top notch friends to be side by side with me while we go through this journey.

I thank you for that!

Love
Dutchie
>x

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KATIEGLEN012 4/20/2010 8:49PM

    I totally agree. Sometimes we don't hear the answer to our prayers because we don't sit still long enough to pay attention to what He has to say or we are busy doing two or more things at once. Be still. Be.
I tell my adult students that it is not acceptable for them to lay their heads upon their pillows and review what they didn't get done that day. Focus on what you are getting done...count each and everything you did do today. Working in the minuses only gets you further in the hole! Not to mention wrecks havoc with your self-esteem.
As usual your topic is timely. I can see that you are a natural at making good people better. I love when the work fits the person.


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STORMTMB 4/20/2010 8:12PM

    I wonder if we all turned off our TV's if our perception of self would improve, perhaps vastly. I think of all of the media and marketing geniuses who convince us minute by minute that we are not good enough, pretty or handsome enough, successful enough if we don't purchase their products. We see airbrushed models on the cover of magazines and on tv selling us everything from make-up to alcohol. We are constantly bombarded with messages that we are not good enough just as we are. After so many years of hearing it, I guess the message gets through (even if I don't buy the BMW, Diet Pepsi or Ab Glider).

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JCDROLSHAGEN 4/20/2010 6:20PM

    Thank you, John. Why, yes I am!! emoticon

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ANDARIEL 4/20/2010 5:58PM

    Only one word can sum up this blog... Perfect. Thank you!

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JPRICE217 4/20/2010 3:11PM

    I agree with others you have the best blogs!!!!! You must be a writer. We all must get our spiritual life in perspective. God did not make junk so we are all very important in this world. emoticon

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MOTHERLORI 4/20/2010 1:46PM

    John, ~ your words are the first one's I turn to when I log into Spark people. I haven't been having a very easy time of it this spring and I haven't come to spark people in awhile, but I saw an email that said I had sparkmail from you and after a few days, I just had to come back. Your blog was just what I needed to hear after being quite unkind to myself about my lack of motivation. So, once again, thanks. Thanks for reminding us about the better sides of ourselves ~ even when we tend to like to wallow in our shortcomings. I'm so glad I came back emoticon Lori

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KT-NICHOLS-13 4/20/2010 12:21PM

    In tears and just having a hard time today, I opened up your blog and things fell into prospective. I know after a good cry, I'll have a much brighter day. Thank you.

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DIASTER 4/20/2010 11:44AM

  Again you got our attention. What a wake up call, How dare we not take advantage of what blessings we have been given and the many opportunities we have to be positive with each other and yes, even ourdelves
Bless you for your wonderful blogs, first thing I read each morning.

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GREENCAT1 4/20/2010 11:12AM

    Beautiful.

Cathy emoticon

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GREENCAT1 4/20/2010 11:12AM

    Beautiful.

Cathy emoticon

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GERIKRAGH 4/20/2010 11:09AM

    Are you sure you're not a psychiatrist? Your blogs are wonderful.

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INDYAMYP 4/20/2010 10:34AM

    Thanks John,
I am going to try to spend a little more time with myself - learning to love the person that I am.

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EDWINA172 4/20/2010 10:18AM

    Thank you for this. It really hit home. God bless you.

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BRYLIA 4/20/2010 10:14AM

    Thanks again John for "feeding my soul". Love your business motto.. what I find truly remarkable as I ponder this is that as we take the focus off of ourselves by helping others, we ourselves are helped in more ways than we can imagine. I have discovered that the more I take care of myself spiritually, physically and emotionally, the more I can help others.
Also loved how you put it saying "Good Morning" to God.. actually made me chuckle and stop reading to Thank God...you see without even realizing it God used you to help remind me of one of my daily goals and accomplish it.
God Bless

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MORTICIAADDAMS 4/20/2010 10:11AM

    I am so fortunate that I do like who I am. I make mistakes but I'm a good person.

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SPARKLE1908 4/20/2010 9:44AM

    Wonderful blog!!!!!

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JAE_HENNINGTON 4/20/2010 9:44AM

  Thank you John.. You are such an inspiration to us all. I really look forward to coming and reading your blogs. They are shot of positive energy

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DOLLIE6 4/20/2010 9:39AM

    Say, Yeah!! I love it.

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BUGLET- 4/20/2010 9:33AM

    I have often looked around and thought "Would I like to look like anyone that I can see in this room?" That gives me a reality check because I'd rather be me. I realize that in the world around me, I am not that bad compared to others. Hollywood gives us all the wrong ideas. I am never going to look like that. I would not want to be them. Living in a fish bowl, putting careers ahead of everything. Just as TV gives kids the idea that sex is everything, in my life it's not my reality. (Thank God) In my life I don't have to live up to the images I see which are not a reality. I'm not living in their world, I live in mine.
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I don't have to be any better than the best I can be. I'm a work in progress.
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MINENA1 4/20/2010 9:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Great blog John!! emoticon

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KATHERYNP 4/20/2010 9:25AM

    I found one of your blogs yesterday and was blown away with your wisdom. Had to subscribe so I can be part of the wisdoms that you share. You have so much insight into yourself and appreciate that you so willingly and lovingly share it with anyone that comes along. Thanks!!
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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Changing From The Inside Out

Monday, April 19, 2010

I have been dieting most of my adult life. I used to say I had a moderate degree of success until it dawned on me this morning I was looking at things the wrong way. Most of my inspiration comes in the shower. There’s just something nice about a stream of hot water in the morning!

I was thinking back to the time when Joan and I were first married. I weighed one hundred sixty five pounds. The day I began Spark people, I weighed in at three hundred twenty six pounds. In thirty five years I had literally created two of me!!! (While I am always looking on the positive side of things, two of me in that respect wasn’t a good thing at all.)

I could detail every diet I tried but chances are you already know about them. You have “been there and done that” yourself. Chances are you know all too well about the “failure factor” and the internal shame and embarrassment that goes along with it.

“Just something else I failed at.” We mutter to ourselves. “Go away John!!!”

As I stood in front of the mirror grinning at myself I decided to play the word association game.

“Diet’ I said

“Punishment,” was the first word in to my head.

All of a sudden the grin left my face. A lot of us look at a diet as a punishment for being overweight or as the world likes to call it “fat.” When a punishment doesn’t work we punish ourselves more and we succeed less and pretty soon we are right back where we started, feeling crappy about ourselves and adding a new friend called ten to fifteen pounds. Then most of us just give up.

We try different tactics. There is our old friend called self denial and his cousin discipline. They move in for awhile, reek a bit of havoc and move out leaving their best friend known as low self esteem. At the end of the day we believe there is nothing we can do right and we resign ourselves to being overweight.
I think we got it all wrong. We have it all wrong because we work from the outside in, instead of working from the inside out. If Spark people has taught me anything that’s it. The more I concentrate on being a better me, the more I am willing to take care of “all of me.” It’s not a punishment it’s a project. It’s a project I find myself looking forward to.

Yeah, it’s about a food and exercise plan. Yup, you gotta have goals and you better have an action plan. But aren’t you worth it? Fiddlesticks on what mom, dad, an ex a current or all those unenlightened people in your life feel. Aren’t you worth it? Yes, you have, like me, most likely failed in the past. So?

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery and today is a gift.” That’s why it’s called the present! Embrace it!!!

Right now, stop what you are doing, get up and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. I’ll wait for you.

Ok good you are back. You and I need to do that as often as we can. We need to learn to be comfortable with this project we call ourselves. We need to laugh and grin and not be so gosh darned judgmental of ourselves. We need to hold small celebrations every time we notice a positive change in ourselves and when we start feeling ourselves slip find some support.

Most of the time we don’t honor ourselves because we don’t place a lot of value in ourselves. We blame everyone but ourselves. We see ourselves as weak willed, weak minded and weak kneed. We constantly bend to the whims of others and the pit gets deeper and deeper.

Here is a suggestion:

Find one thing, anything at all, to accomplish today. Maybe it’s starting that new exercise program you been putting off, maybe it’s walking an extra ten minutes this morning or this evening. It might be taking a sandwich and fruit to work instead of hitting the fast food joint.

It might be a lotta things………………

Write it down. You don’t need to write War and Peace.

“I made a healthy lunch today.”

“I rode my bike to the bank today instead of driving.”

“I cleaned my office.” (That one was for me guys lol)

Keep a list and look at it every day and all of a sudden one day you gotta block an hour out on your calendar to review all you accomplished. Suddenly you are a success.

Trust me it works. I believe in you, you believe in you. See, there are already two great things that have happened!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIULIA19 2/20/2012 2:20PM

    Your Blog was great!!You sound like a terrific person, and I wish you the BEST!!

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K0ALACAT 11/25/2011 12:50AM

    Thanks for the words of inspiration. Let's see, today I cooked. I logged my food. I talked to my daughters. Simple things that I'm embarrassed to admit I don't do consistently. emoticon

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STITCHINGNAN 8/5/2011 10:51AM

    I am having a bad day a POOR ME day, but reading blogs does help. I am taking on board the point of writing something positive I did each day.
Strugling to find a thing about today.... unless i note "Reading blogs and taking some advice in"?
Thanks. I emoticon

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DIETSAFARI 6/25/2011 4:08AM

    Perfect Common Sense, I loved your blog. Thank you

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LOSTLIME 3/28/2011 6:48AM

    The start of a new week. Going to start my list and see what happens! Thanks for the boost!

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MYADOG1 3/26/2011 10:20AM

    Today was the perfect day for me to read this! Thanks emoticon

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NESSAM80 3/4/2011 12:33PM

    I loved reading this! You have an amazing attitude and are very motivational!

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CONTESSA63 1/14/2011 6:57PM

  What a fantastic attitude you have! I am going to take your advice and start writing!

Thank you!

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ANDYLIN90 11/14/2010 2:09AM

    Your blog is very wise. As hard as it is to dump the negative feelings and self punishment for failing, I also know none of us will ever achieve our weight loss goals until we can really embrace how special and deserving we each of us are.

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CHANGE4THEBEST 11/9/2010 8:23PM

   
Thank you for sharing your thoughts - great blog! I have given myself three things to acheive tomorrow - including time management as an incentive. I hope (want) to beat the clock!
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FLY0NTHEWAL1 11/9/2010 10:41AM

    Your blog shows great insight. Thank you for sharing it with us! I especially like the idea to note individual accomplishments. At the very least, it inspires us to do Something every day that we can be proud of.

Good luck to you on your journey!

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LIZZIEB122 9/25/2010 10:41AM

    Great story I'm sure many of us can relate. You are so right about beliving
in yourself. Thanks for sharing emoticon

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LIZZIEB122 9/25/2010 10:41AM

    Great story I'm sure many of us can relate. You are so right about beliving
in yourself. Thanks for sharing emoticon

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OKNOWGOGO 8/30/2010 1:19PM

    Very inspirational. Thank you!

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HEALTHYMOM12 8/14/2010 8:41AM

    This was a great inspiration. Thank-you.

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RAINBOWSMILIE 8/13/2010 7:21PM

    Beautiful...thank-you for the inspiration.

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RIGBY31 8/7/2010 2:56PM

    Made my day. I was floundering. The daily pro-active list makes me not think "well, I haven't lost my 107 today, so all is lost". Little steps. Wonderful!

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DARLENE4SURE 5/24/2010 2:12PM

  Excellent & well said. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and I believe and am inspired in what you have said. Thanks!

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CHRISTINEIH 5/23/2010 8:41AM

    Very motivating! emoticon emoticon

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SUNGBIRD2000 5/12/2010 3:28PM

    emoticon for sharing!

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ASHLEEWEBART 5/9/2010 3:30PM

    You have made a good point here, and it sounds to me like one of the best "secrets" of success. Once we take a good look at ourselves long enough to see our inner self, then we realize where to start.

Comment edited on: 5/9/2010 3:42:08 PM

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BRINI24 5/7/2010 12:00PM

    Very inspiring...thank you!

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KARLY47 5/6/2010 1:46PM

    Thats Great ,Love to read it also.

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WANAKA 5/5/2010 5:44PM

    Wonderful words of wisdom :) Thankx for being an inspiration!

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TEXASMIMI1 5/5/2010 12:51PM

    Thanks for the inspiration.

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EMMAJEAN50 5/5/2010 12:46PM

    I think I'll take your suggestion, thanks! I love your blog!

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AKAFIT 5/5/2010 9:36AM

    WOW, is all I can say. I NEVER thought about it from the male prospective, but we are all alike in so many ways when our issue is WEIGHT!! Thank you for reminding me that I am well worth the effort and the battle. emoticon

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LILAC581 5/4/2010 11:35PM

  A lot of good thoughts here. Good job!

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INNERBEWTY 5/4/2010 11:11PM

    For me working from the "inside out" means working on my self-esteem, my stress eating, etc. It turns out these things may have something to do with overeating. I've been working on this the past few months. And it has been enlightening and very positive. Thank you for your post. emoticon

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PALCANTARA 5/4/2010 7:45PM

    great post. keep it up buddy!

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MICKEYMAX 5/4/2010 3:48PM

    You rock! Thanks for your great attitude!

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BELLATRIX1224 5/4/2010 2:51PM

    Thank you for your inspiration!

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STOGDALE4 5/4/2010 12:21PM

  Well spoken. Thank you.

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SHARONHPLWS 5/4/2010 11:17AM

 
Thank you,
I know this is an area I need to work on.
Your words have given me the kick to start
this journey also emoticon

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MARTHAV2 5/4/2010 8:36AM

    You certainly described me through and through. It seems like when I get on a positive kick I can manage to lose the weight but then the negative comes and I gain it back. This time I am hoping to keep the negative away. I hope this will be what Spark People can teach me. emoticon

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KAURMANDEEP 5/4/2010 2:19AM

  Thank you :) emoticon

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SUMMER_LOVIN23 5/3/2010 10:48PM

  Powerful! Well done..... emoticon

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SINGLEMOM1960 5/3/2010 5:09PM

    I see why this was voted best emoticon

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SMOOCHIEFACE 5/3/2010 4:32PM

    Awesome, YOU ROCK!

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GIVEUP30 5/3/2010 2:00PM

    emoticon emoticonkeep it up

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ACALIGIRL2010 5/3/2010 1:22PM

  Thanks for sharing! Love it!

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KAYAKMOMSDA 5/3/2010 12:56PM

    Thank you! emoticon

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SKIPPELM 5/3/2010 12:28PM

    emoticon Wow dude, you rock! I completely identifu with everything you said. I love it when you "wait" for us to go to the mirror, you have a fantastic writing style. Anyhow, this really reasonated with me and I cannot thank you enough for the lesson and motivation. emoticon

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SANDYK4BAMA 5/3/2010 12:08PM

    Wow you have GREAT insight! I want you to be my SPARK-BUDDY!! I NEED you! What goes on in your head goes on just that way in mine! Only one thing, I still can hardly bear to look at myself in the mirror. The negative self-talk is just too loud when I do that. So for now anyway, I'm going to stick to my walking, and my veggies and fruit and all those little spark points that make me feel so good - and someday maybe I too can look in the mirror and grin (again).

Thank you so much for this blog. You can't imagine how much happiness this has given my heart today!

You're AWESOME!!
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GUANAJUATO109 5/3/2010 11:47AM

    Oh thank you for sharing! Amen! emoticon emoticon

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PATSDIARY 5/3/2010 10:36AM

    What great insight - and motivation! Congrats on your success, and thanks for sharing with the rest of us!

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KARENCHAPTER2 5/3/2010 10:28AM

    Great blog! Sometimes we lose sight of the small things looking at the big picture!

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PEABODYPEGGY 5/3/2010 10:19AM

    Thank you . You've jump started my day - even if looking at myself in the mirror was gross. LOL I'm going to do it - right now. First thing on my list " I took Marian to pre=school this morning".

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LIGIRLBOOBLE 5/3/2010 9:58AM

    emoticon

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MOMS100 5/3/2010 8:40AM

    GREAT blog! You have a lot of insight!

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