Friday, October 19, 2012
I try to limit my blogs to 500 words. I've found as a writer you obey the old adage "You tell someone what time it is, you don't tell them how to build a watch." It's the reason I wish we could all sit around a large virtual table, share a beverage and our thoughts. I don't always get my point across in a clear manner. (I have this compulsion to entertain people. )
The point I was trying to make yesterday was that in the old days I would have rationalized NOT throwing the cookies away. I would have convinced myself that with people going to bed hungry each night it was my moral duty to eat those cookies. Once they were gone I'd find a reason to buy more, along with cakes, candy and the like. The fact that I drug my sorry butt out of bed at 2 AM to throw them away shows real progress on my part.
I cant have sweets in the house. I simply run amuck when I do. It is, as they say, what it is. It was a huge step towards mindfulness to remove them right then and there along with the fruit slices I didnt tell you about A grape and a cookie can be sitting side by side and I'll grab the cookie every time, if it's there.
Joan finally spoke on the issue and told me she believed I wanted to get caught or I would have tossed them when she wasnt home.
This is a huge step for me and I wanted to share it with you because I know some of you struggle with the same issues and I want you to know I do to. So do lots of other people. But there is hope!!! If I can hang in there, so can you!!!
There!!! LOL What time is it?
Thursday, October 18, 2012
I know what you are going to say before you say it. Intellectually I agree with you. I should keep a cadre of fresh fruits and veggies handy. I should phone a friend.
Side Note: As long as Spark has been around I really wish they had a "chat" option. There are days I could really use the interaction with other people who encounter the same obstacles and yes, I have suggested it
Yes, I know I have been at this long enough to know all the danger signs. Okay, now that we've gotten past that........... on with the show.
I didnt lose any weight last week. I didnt gain any either. You know what that meant dont you, lol, I did something wrong? I examined my food plan. It was good to go. Exercise, sleep and mindfulness issues all on target. It had to be me. Maybe I was eating too much...........Ahhhhhhhhhh that's it!!! I'll cut back.
I was very careful about what went into my mouth this week. (My weigh in day is Saturday.) I was hungry all the time but I rationalized it was punishment for my alleged yet unseen sins. I was at the grocery yesterday and I spied a box of cookies. They were small cookies and a "few" wouldnt hurt me. So I purchased the box and stored it in a desk drawer. I didnt say I hid it I said I stored it! (I realize none of you have ever done this so I am quite sure you're shocked at my behavior!!!) When I got hungry I'd snag a cookie.......... okay maybe two............ALRIGHT maybe five. Hey, I was hungry!!!
I woke up at two this morning feeling guilty about the cookies and what it said about me as a person, etc. Quietly I went down to my office and opened the desk drawer. I went to the kitchen and prepared to dump them in the trash when Joan appeared in the kitchen doorway and said "What are you doing?!?!" I now know what a man feels like when he is caught in the arms of another woman. There we were, me and my cookies, hiding out.
"I was throwing them away," I said meekly.
Joan didnt say anything. She started to three or four times but finally went back upstairs. I tried to explain at breakfast but she told me it was okay. Some moments in life are sacred.
The diet myth is one that's hard to bust. We preach about health and balance yet as soon as we dont see the progress our minds envision we freak out. It was a good lesson for me and I'm going to Kroger soon to get fruit. Joan just keeps shaking her head.
Monday, October 15, 2012
We're fortunate enough to live close to a small university. The buildings are the old weathered brick type and most are covered in ivy. We love walking our dogs through the campus. The university is almost two hundred years old and I could go on and on but suffice to say it's really, really cool. One side of the campus borders the same street we live on so I see students coming and going all the time.
This morning after I dropped Joan off at work I was headed home when I saw a young lady walking down the street. She had on a pair of flannel bottoms , a sweat shirt, and flip flops. Her hair was scrunched up and she was carrying a back pack. In one hand was a container of good old Vitamin D WHOLE milk. In the other was an, I'm not kidding here, enormous donut. Did I say she appeared to be about 100 pounds soaking wet? As my car snaked around the bend, she looked over and grinned and waved to me. Not a single or solitary care in the world.
Now, the 59 year old curmudgeon in me stuck his head out from his cave and found like a million things wrong with this picture. Whole milk!!!! Donuts for breakfast!!! It was in the mid-forties and she was barley dressed!!! If she didnt die from a thousand assorted viruses, the sugar and fat in her breakfast would bring her arteries to a grinding halt one day and she'd fall over dead in her tracks. The old curmudgeon could almost predict it! I was having a judgement fest here and my righteous indignation just kept urging me forward! Those da*n kids!!!
It was then I recalled her smile and her wave and that she REALLY doesnt seem to have a care in the world. She'll figure out the health and fitness part of life soon enough but she's got me beat hands down on the Worry Free Zone. I pulled the car into the driveway and wondered how many of my health issues were driven by my worries and fears. It's something to ponder for sure.
Did I tell you I feel fortunate to live near a small university?
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
“The only thing we really control is how we react to the changes and circumstances in our lives.”
I’m not sure when I heard that for the first time. I know it was a long time ago and it pops up in my head on a regular basis. In short, I control nothing and oh my goodness that’s scary. I could win the lottery tomorrow and be “set for life,” as they say or a tornado could flatten my home 10 minutes from now and take away everything and everyone I hold dear. Both extremes are possible (Though not probable.) without me moving one centimeter from where I’m currently sitting. Sure, I make choices. We all do in some form or fashion. Each of us chooses a path or course to walk. I won’t win the lottery unless I buy a ticket and I promise you if I hear the storm warning sirens I’ll lead the way to take cover. My decisions or reactions are what I can control. No use crying over spilt milk and all that rot.
I was exercising in the therapy pool earlier this week when a young lady walks up and sits down at pool side. Julia is the new aquatics director and she’s noticed me in the pool exercising. She’s observed that it must get awfully boring just walking back and forth. I introduce myself, tell her about my back and stuff and she smiles and says she knows Joan. (Everyone knows Joan!!!) She asks if I’d be interested in aquatics personal training. She rattles off all of her certifications most of which mean little to me. She’d love to work with me. Let me just pause for a moment and say I sensed my wife’s fine hand at work here somewhere - Decision time.
Do you realize we face these opportunities hundreds of times every day? God, The Universe, call it what you will presents us with all sorts of opportunities to move forward. So as I floated getting water logged I had a decision to make. See all the cool kids train upstairs. Those of us who are limited physically or emotionally; well we work out in the warm water therapy pool and you know what they call us don’t you? I’m not going to say because it’s taken Joan close to 40 years to teach me how to be politically correct. The other factor is, well we’re all friends here right? Come close and I’ll tell you my dirty little secret --- I can’t swim. I tromp around in 3 to 5 feet of water and my actions often scare little children into believing there really is a Loch Ness Monster. So here I am with someone built like an Olympic swimmer and she wants to train me in the big kid’s pool!!!
Anxiety, insecurity, low self-esteem and BTW there really should be a chocolate cake dispenser in the pool area so I can toss crumbs to the emotional eating mind monkeys. I smiled, told her I’d think about it and tromped away. I’d moved about three feet and I heard her. “You can’t swim can you?” This is where walking ON water would be a major gift. “It ok, we can start there and it’s cheaper than personal training. No one has to know.” When I turned around she was smiling. I may be out of town all of next week so I told her I’d let her know by Friday when we MIGHT start. She turned and walked away leaving me looking somewhat prune like in the water.
Opportunities--- they are there at every turn. They scare the snot out of us and reduce us to our lowest common denominator along with the rest of creation. Intellectually I embrace this opportunity. It makes sense and Joan agrees LOL. Emotionally I cower and run away. When I’m in the gym I wear a tee shirt, shorts, etc. In the pool, well I have my suit and that’s it. I mean gosh, I have man boobs!!! Now ya want me to stand in front of someone and show them myself just as I am?
Opportunities - Makes ya grin don’t it
Namaste, my dear ones, Namaste.
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