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What Do YOU Regret?

Friday, August 31, 2012


2

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESLIMMERME1 9/3/2012 2:10PM

    emoticon for the perspective - my only comment is what have I learned - sometimes this answer comes after I have experienced life - then move forward with new goals and objectives - live today to enjoy tomorrow! emoticon emoticon

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BARB5970 9/3/2012 11:23AM

    Wow, great words of wisdom.... You're absolutely correct. Spending too much time thinking about regrets is a total waste of energy.

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LYNMEINDERS 9/2/2012 7:27PM

    Brilliant...thankyou so much for this

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HDHAWK 9/2/2012 10:49AM

    Wow! I do spend too much time on things I can't change.
Have a lovely weekend!

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MARITIMER3 9/1/2012 8:47PM

    I regret not giving up regrets a long time ago. I focus on enjoying today and making tomorrow a better day for myself, my friends and my family.

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BARBIE66 9/1/2012 9:18AM

    hey John great message you made me think and try to stop thinking about regrets in my life thanks

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TRISTAROSE 9/1/2012 7:03AM

    This is something I need to work on .... Thanks for another great Vlog!

emoticon emoticon

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_MOBII_ 8/31/2012 11:24PM

    That is one of the hardest things I have to work on! Too often we spend too much time looking back playing the 'woulda, shoulda, coulda, but didnt' game.

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SMCKINNEY4 8/31/2012 2:01PM

  Great talk, don't waste what time we have on things that don't really matter. I almost lost my health over this very thing. Learning to let go was hard at first but has gotten easier everyday.

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JOSTENGER 8/31/2012 1:58PM

    Fabulous!

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NASFKAB 8/31/2012 12:54PM

  awesome I do grieve over mistakes I have made but its time to move on thanks for your blog

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COOKINGIRL 8/31/2012 12:52PM

    What a wonderful blog! Great recommendation to let go of what never happened. Keeping my mind focused on what is good and meaningful in life lets joy into my heart.

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MY_YEAR_IS_2012 8/31/2012 12:30PM

    The only thing I can say is that even though you know that there is somethings that you can not grieve about from your past does not mean that you can focus on setting goals like running that marathon. ALL THAT i am saying is that don;t limit the potential possibibies that may come....sometimes positive visualization does go along way.

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TJCADDO 8/31/2012 11:50AM

    This was so lovely! It helped me alot. I do grieve over crucial mistakes I have made in my life. These mistakes are so heartfelt, but I need to be strong and push past it and look at today's blessings.

I am not one to blame others, but I carry a heavy burden of responsibility that I need to lay down.

Thank you so much and you have a good weekend too!

Nan

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SPARKLISE 8/31/2012 10:42AM

    So true!
I spend way too much time grieving over things that never happened or wish they had happened.
I too, am trying to let go.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBRAPHINA 8/31/2012 10:01AM

  Interesting thoughts!!

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CHANGING-VICKI 8/31/2012 9:40AM

  You always make me think John. I spend way too much time grieving over things that never happened as well as things I know never will happen ( like running a marathon). It's time to be more accepting and do the best I can with what I do have control over.
Thank you once again for a thoughtful VLOG. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHELLIECAN 8/31/2012 9:35AM

    What an eloquent speaker you are John, and what thought provoking words.

Thank you for sharing.

emoticon

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ANDYINBC 8/31/2012 9:18AM

    I don't know if it's my iPad but Nothing shows up above. I will check later on my laptop.

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BEACHBUM4LIFE 8/31/2012 9:11AM

    Great blog!! Very thought provoking for me!!

Hope you have a great Labor Day week-end!

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A Smile is For Free

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I get eight or ten devotionals and motivations each morning and this one is always my favorite. I often pass things on or write about them dear ones because I get the feeling or intuition someone out there needs to read them. If you have the time to day would you pass this on?


"If you can make just one person smile today, if only by giving them one of yours it just might change their entire week... which just might change their entire life.

I know these things,
The Universe"

Namaste

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBIE66 9/1/2012 9:25AM

    thanks for this message you made me smule and today going to pass it along emoticon

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LYNMEINDERS 8/30/2012 3:54AM

    Absolutely...a smile is one things that doesn't cost us....like you said it is free....
i would certainly have passed it on...it is brilliant....

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STEELKICKIN 8/29/2012 10:44PM

    So very true!
emoticon

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CARTOONB 8/29/2012 10:34PM

    Good idea!

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HDHAWK 8/29/2012 7:35PM

    I get these too. Love them!

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ONEKIDSMOM 8/29/2012 6:28PM

    emoticon Here's mine, for you today!

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CHANGING-VICKI 8/29/2012 5:31PM

  emoticon emoticon

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WORLDSERIES11 8/29/2012 1:06PM

    emoticon

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MARCYNA 8/29/2012 11:47AM

    Thanks your input is so precious.................I have no words....Love,
Marcyna

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SKINNYPOWELL1 8/29/2012 11:06AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUSANSERENE 8/29/2012 10:55AM

    Beautiful, John! It worked! I smiled and I feel better already!

Blessings! emoticon

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VONBLACKBIRD 8/29/2012 10:09AM

    emoticon

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CBRIGGS1956 8/29/2012 9:30AM

    Love it

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ANDYINBC 8/29/2012 9:30AM

    Smiling. Thanks!

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PURPLE180 8/29/2012 9:30AM

    Love it! And I just shared it (the blog & a smile). :-)

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TRISTAROSE 8/29/2012 9:25AM

    emoticon emoticon

Namaste

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NASFKAB 8/29/2012 9:03AM

  great quote thanks

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ANGIEJAY77 8/29/2012 8:48AM

    I love this. Thank you for sharing!
Namaste

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MORTICIAADDAMS 8/29/2012 8:31AM

    Great quote!!

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ELRIDDICK 8/29/2012 8:16AM

  Thanks for sharing

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EMGERBER 8/29/2012 8:15AM

    A smile can do more than many words!

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Who Rules The Roost, My Mind or My Emotions

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Along with many of the other challenges I embrace in my life I am an emotional eater. Pick an occasion and I can find a reason to celebrate or bemoan it with food. It’s never healthy or nutritional food. Nope a change of attitude calls for a five star indulgence and everyone knows that usually includes things that cause arteries to clog. Those periods of indulgence are followed by moments of guilt, self-accusation and a general overwhelming feeling of failure. That ever happen to any of you? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I walk around holding a ham in one hand and a chocolate cake in another. I self sooth with food and of all the bad habits I have encountered in life this has been the hardest one to deal with. But “ah-ha” there is hope.

If you are waiting to read about some quick fix, some magical incantation please skip the next part. It’s not. It requires practice and can often be very frustrating and it sounds simple. It’s taking a very deep breath, closing your eyes and being quiet. It’s pulling the plug on your mind and memory and for two or three minutes and letting everything settle. It’s rebooting and restoring stability and oh yeah, BTW, it works.

Afternoons are my busiest and most stressful time of day. I will feel myself going off in ten different directions one of which is towards the refrigerator. There’s a moment of panic followed by a moment of closing my eyes and letting everything settle down. It’s letting all the worries, cares and concerns take a break while I am quiet. I concentrate on my breathing. I allow my body and mind to disengage and to simply relax. I’ve noticed when I open my eyes the craving is gone or subsided to being manageable. The technical term is called “homeostasis.” It means that all of me and you are in balance. When I allow my emotions to override my sense of balance I have used food as a quick fix. Then I’m out of balance and all the nasty behavior that goes along with it.

“Yeah John, but I don’t have the time to take three or four minutes to refocus. I’m a busy person.”

Seriously, I thought that too until I did an informal time study on how long it took me to dig out some cash, walk to the vending machine, make my decadent selection, return to my desk, unwrap it, devour it, and spend a cursory moment or so kicking myself for choosing the Milky Way. It takes about three or four minutes. Same with walking upstairs to the fridge, looking through it, etc.

Close your eyes and breathe deep. Let your mind empty. All that stuff can wait. Let everything settle and let your body and mind find a natural balance. It’s not easy some days because we are not conditioned to be quiet. It can be scary but if you persevere you might still be hungry but you may choose an apple over a cookie. It’s called choosing with your mind rather you’re your emotions. It takes some practice and I can’t tell you I always get it right but I find it’s getting easier and so are my choices.

Two to three minutes, you have that for yourself, don’t you?

Namaste

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADILADIDA 9/5/2012 8:23AM

    Breath is the best and first nutrient to the body. NAMASTE!

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DEBRAPHINA 8/31/2012 10:22AM

  I will try this!!

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SCHOOLCOOK2 8/29/2012 2:10PM

    Very good idea. When I am tempted and get a big glass of water and drink it and then get as far away from the kitchen as i can get. My hubby is really good and does his own cooking, for alot of things I can't have now with my esphagus problem so he says don't worry about me, just care of yourself. The mind can take you to bad places if you don't control it. We will conquer.

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SUSANSERENE 8/29/2012 11:00AM

    Wow! What a great idea! I'm definitely going to try this. Thank you, John! emoticon

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MYOWNHERO 8/29/2012 7:37AM

    Great idea. I'll try it.

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LYNMEINDERS 8/29/2012 7:03AM

    Awesome....and so right....a great blog...

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ANDYINBC 8/29/2012 2:27AM

    Great ideas, thanks for posting this blog!

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REGILIEH 8/29/2012 12:21AM

    It works, I have been doing that with stress for years. Good advice.

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GEEMAWEST 8/28/2012 11:21PM

    Hmmmmm? Makes sense to me. emoticon

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CARTOONB 8/28/2012 10:53PM

    Good point.

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POPSY190 8/28/2012 9:18PM

    I sometimes play a computer game for a minute or two, or email a friend - it usually works.

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LINDA7668 8/28/2012 8:21PM

    Great idea! I'll have to try it.

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NEEDBU66 8/28/2012 8:05PM

    I'll have to try that. I liked the 3 minutes lost anyway fact

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ONEKIDSMOM 8/28/2012 7:07PM

    I concluded this time through the journey that there is NOTHING so urgent it can't survive waiting for me to take my ten minute stress-relief walk-break. Controlled deep breathing is an incredible even shorter way to get life back in perspective.

Well written, as usual, John!

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HDHAWK 8/28/2012 6:46PM

    Boy, do I need to work on this one. With school starting less than a week ago it's a very overwhelming time. All I can think about is work! I need to take those mini breaks.

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SLIMLEAF 8/28/2012 6:28PM

    Oh John! Thank you for sharing that tip - at last something practical I can do to battle the emotional eating.

I'm certainly going to try this out and I'll let you know how I get on.

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NASFKAB 8/28/2012 6:18PM

  great tip thanks

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DR8561 8/28/2012 4:40PM

    Great tip, John! I also find that I do better when I'm exercising regularly. It relieves stress and I do better overall. emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 8/28/2012 3:06PM

    I drink a glass of water and distract myself. It works every time I actually do it. LOL.

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_MOBII_ 8/28/2012 2:22PM

    I have the right to remain silent....what I lack is the ability. LOL
Seriously though, you have a good point and it DOES work. It take practise and patience too. Stillness is one of the best thing that I learned with yoga.
Being still and quiet is a wonderful thing!

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VONBLACKBIRD 8/28/2012 2:21PM

    Great thoughts on learning a new habit..Thanks.

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The Other Side

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Do you know those windows they build into bathrooms? They are frosted so you can’t see through them. You may hear laughter, excitement, maybe even some really scary stuff on the other side of them but you can’t see them. You can’t reach out to touch them, taste them or make them a part of your life and it frustrates you, because you know on the other side of that hazy glass are all your hopes, dreams, and everything you want to be. But they seem just out of reach.

It must be your fault isn’t it? You must lack desire or intelligence. Maybe you are too young or been told you are too old. You look in the mirror and you don’t like the nose, the hair, the smile………… So you decide you must change. You embark on a process to recreate, to reinvent. You work hard always looking to the right and left to make sure you are keeping up with everyone else and slowly you feel yourself falling behind. Oh, you have victories. They are small, sweet and do not sustain and when you are alone they mock and judge you because you couldn’t hang on to them the way “everyone else does.”

The glass gets thicker and the images on the other side seem to blur and are less recognizable. You work harder and then those voices get fainter and we wonder where we went. We are in pain and we convert it into suffering because we deserve to suffer for all the accumulated wrongs in our lives. We try to stay busy.

“Love What Is,” a quote from Dorothy Hunt. Sit up taller right here and now and embrace that person whose skin you are inside right now. They may be tired or frustrated, dejected or maybe just really frazzled about the edges. They may feel flabby and out of breath. Hips, knees or backs may ache. They weren’t the prom king or queen and a lot of days they just don’t get it. Make friends with them. Love what is, right here, right now and make them your bestie.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Fold your busy hands on your soft lap, close your eyes, even if it’s just for a moment and breathe. Forget work, family, friends and everything else that chases you and simply sit in the presence of what you call divine and drink in the love and energy.

Slowly the glass loses its hoar frost and you begin to see yourself not on the other side but alongside the you that you have come to love and adore.

“A jug fills drop by drop,” Buddha

Namaste

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MYOWNHERO 8/27/2012 11:47AM

    Thank you for this!

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MARCYNA 8/27/2012 11:43AM

    Love this, John, I am now trying to help the others and help myself also....accepting the person I am rather than what I would have liked to become.
Wise words, you are always my hero, John!!!!

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PROVERBS31JULIA 8/27/2012 8:40AM

    Dorothy Hunt? I'll have to check that out. The "Love What Is" concept I've heard is from Byron Katie, who authored a book by that name (I think? Need to go find my copy.).

Thanks for the mentally stimulating blogs!

Julia

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NEWMOM20121 8/25/2012 9:29AM

    Just what I needed today. Thank you

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RADAZZLE 8/25/2012 12:55AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NASFKAB 8/23/2012 7:32AM

  thought provoking powerful as usual thanks

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LYNMEINDERS 8/23/2012 4:45AM

    Be still and know that i am God.....that is such a powerful verse....can be life changing

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CARTOONB 8/22/2012 11:29PM

    Prom queens can be mean. emoticon

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TRISTAROSE 8/22/2012 2:06PM

    Great Blog .... Thanks

emoticon

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TWO-TOO-MUCH 8/22/2012 10:31AM

    "...we wonder where we went." WOW. That's precisely what's been going through my mind. The last short while has been particularly difficult for me as far as staying motivated and positive. Your blog has lifted my spirits considerably. Thanks!

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VONBLACKBIRD 8/22/2012 10:28AM

    Thanks emoticon

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ANGIEJAY77 8/22/2012 9:31AM

    I love this blog. It is so right on with how I'm feeling right now about my journey. Thanks for sharing! Namaste

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MORTICIAADDAMS 8/22/2012 9:23AM

    Great blog to encourage those of us who spend most of their time on the dark side. LOL.

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ANASONIC 8/22/2012 8:41AM

    Thank you! I am always amazed by your writings. You seem to know me so well. Stay the course and keep bloggong because you have so much to give to us all.
Ana

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KATHRYN1955 8/22/2012 8:39AM

    I recently did a visualization exercise where I was to think of my goals on a big board and how I would feel once I attained them. It got me to thinking what if I didn't reach them for one reason or another.....would I still be ok just as I am today? Perhaps it is a function of increasing age, but I am gradually realizing I am meant to be exactly where I am this minute, this very second as I am writing this.
I believe if we can get to the point where we can totally "Love What Is", (and not believe that we deserve to suffer) all the rest will take care of itself, in ways we can not even begin to imagine.
Thanks for the reminder,
Kathy

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REGILIEH 8/22/2012 8:27AM

    As always, well done!

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Turning "Cant"s Into "Cans." A Few Personal Examples

Monday, August 20, 2012

Who tells your story?

Here’s a hint: If you walk to the closest mirror and take a good hard look you will meet the author of your personal journey. It’s not mom, dad, husband, wife, or BF. It’s you. From the moment you are born there is a cosmic pen poised in your hand to write about a journey that is so unique and so amazing that in was entrusted to you and you alone. Can ya give me a sincere Amen? How’s about a hearty Hallelujah?

Yeah, me either. Some days, the importance and impact of my life journey gets lost in the excuses of negativity and doubt. Sad thing was none of them are legitimate. They were excuses, the kind I make when I want to feel better about copping out on a commitment. Yes, I hear some of you in the back of the room saying “Well what if I don’t WANT to do something?” Well you don’t have to! If you really WANT to, you will find a way. Saying I CAN’T just means I want to feel better about not getting something accomplished. Don’t get me wrong. Some things take much longer to accomplish than other things (See Weight Loss.) but it is never a matter of not having the tools. We were born with them they are our standard operating equipment and from the very moment we are cognizant of the differences we create between each other we want someone else’s tools. Ours aren’t good enough or shiny enough. We want to be taller or shorter or have a certain complexion or hair color. It’s when we begin to limit ourselves. Someone else has what we want and for whatever reason we begin to create the “cant’s”

I am a really good example of this “Stinkin’ Thinkin’ “as Zig Ziglar likes to call it.

Imagine you are Yoda’s younger brother and live in a Bible belt community of roughly 50,000 people. If it isn’t in the Bible or Sunday business section it just won’t hold water. So when you start exploring, the spiritual aspects of yoga people start whispering about burning you at the stake. The yoga class in my community offers no meditation component. So I walked around singing the blues and saying it would really be nice to have some alternative stuff to do but ya know “I can’t………”

God became weary of listening to me whine. One afternoon I am in a restaurant (It’s always about food isn’t it, lol) waiting on a client and the server and I strike up a conversation. She’s a new mom who is, wait for it………a yoga instructor. Matter of fact she emphasizes the spiritual side of yoga as well as the physical and health benefits and yes she works with clients privately. We are going to meet next week to talk about what she can do for me. I have to drive 100 miles one way for this experience but I sorta heard God ask me “You want your cake and eat it to?” It’s a start, a beginning, a “can.” I had an opportunity and I am a bit nervous, (See negative self-image blogs lol.) but it’s something I want to be a part of my life.

When my dad died a few months ago I struggled with the grieving process. I process things at a really intense level and plunge way, way deep into thought and emotion. (See Joan being canonized a saint for living with this for close to forty years.) I had no one to talk to about some of the feelings I was experiencing. A friend suggested a book, Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. I devoured it. I sat openly crying as I read parts of it because OMG she’s writing about me and ya know what I am NOT CRAZY.

You think I’d be satisfied. I got upset because all I had was a book!! I scoured the internet for people like Tara who lived close to me and found none – another “can’t.”

In his infinite wisdom or maybe once again growing weary of my moaning God threw me another pearl. Tara Brach conducts a class each Wednesday evening in Bethesda, MD and guess what? They are available as podcasts the next day. Her guidance and insights have meant so much to me. They provide me with clarity and some sort of direction. If any of you happen to attend her sessions would you please let her know what she does has tremendous impact in places she doesn’t even realize. (Or maybe she does.) It became a “can.”

We all write our own story and we all accept our own unique challenges. For my part I am going to highlight all the “cant’s” in my story and replace them with “cans.”

Namaste my dear ones.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PROVERBS31JULIA 8/27/2012 8:43AM

    Namaste!

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DUTCHIEKIWI 8/26/2012 11:45PM

    John, it is always a pleasure to read your blogs, and more often than not have you managed to pick me up with your words at JUST the right time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wisdom ;-)

Dutchie

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MARCYNA 8/24/2012 11:32AM

    Oh I can yes I can, thanks for this beautiful blog
Love,
M.

Comment edited on: 8/25/2012 6:26:37 AM

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BTINTERNET 8/21/2012 2:58PM

    Dear John,

Thanks as always for your wise thoughts!



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LYNMEINDERS 8/21/2012 6:16AM

    Another brilliant blog John....

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NASFKAB 8/21/2012 6:11AM

  thanks

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WONDERFUL2BME 8/21/2012 4:40AM

    Synchonicity at work brother! I love it when stuff like this happens. So sorry about your loss. In 2009 I lost my mom to cancer and my beautiful brother to suicide. Talk about sending my world reeling. Even though at times I thought the tears would never end if I let them start, they do. It is so important to release the emotions. They may seem like they are bottomless, but there is an end and feeling will return to those parts that seem so numb.

I wrote a very small book about my experience with grief to help my healing process. It is available on kindle to borrow. Coping With Loss by Angelica ORourke. I hope it can be helpful to you.

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POPSY190 8/21/2012 1:41AM

    We were brought up with the saying, 'No such word as "can't" ', and I don't think the reference was to grammar and punctuation.

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MARITIMER3 8/20/2012 10:28PM

    Yes, I can; and yes, I will!

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HDHAWK 8/20/2012 9:50PM

    The book and podcasts sound interesting. Have you ever heard of the Inside Out Weight Loss podcast? It's very good too. I set my clock early this morning to work out before school (first day of school & working out). Well, I didn't get up so I forced myself to have no excuses and took a walk after dinner (not my ideal time of day). I'm happy to say it's day 1 of not letting "I'm too tired" win!

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THESLIMMERME1 8/20/2012 3:22PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VONBLACKBIRD 8/20/2012 2:33PM

    If there is a will there is a way..Can'ts should always be questioned as "why not?" and then turned into Cans...Thanks.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 8/20/2012 1:57PM

    My father hates the word can't and I was not allowed to use it as a child. If I dared to say I couldn't do something he would prove it to me that I could. Lesson learned. So today I know for a fact that I can do anything I set my mind to or if I really physically (can't) do something, like pee standing up without filling my shoes, I won't dare say so as he is still alive. LOL.

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REGILIEH 8/20/2012 1:47PM

    you are too wonderful for words!

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MMARTHUR 8/20/2012 12:31PM

    Just ordered the book on my Kindle. Am anxious to read it. Thanks for sharing. I need to start changing some of my can'ts into cans. I have spent too much time in the "can'ts" lately. Am ready to make some changes!

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HARRIET2 8/20/2012 12:16PM

    Thank you for the reminder. You are so right

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