Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I don't dread weighing in. I used to. As a matter fact, there were weeks, okay, in the spirit of honesty, months that I didn't weigh in because I knew that even though I had been to myself, the scale never lies. Oh, it may be off a pound or two, but it doesn't lie. I simply choose not to be accountable for my actions. The old saying "What you don't know won't hurt you," is pretty much a fallacy. As it relates to our health, what we don't know might not only hurt us, it might kill us. But as I'm often fond of saying, "Denial is not just a river in Egypt."
Tuesday is my weigh-in day. When I first began SparkPeople I would get pretty nervous today before I would have to weigh-in. I would look over every morsel and crumb that went into my mouth. I would stress out. In other words, I was a basket case. About the only thing I accomplished during that year or so, was that I drove myself so crazy that tension and anxiety caused me to put on 50 of the 75 pounds I lost. Oh, I know, those of you who are so close and dear to me, consoled encouraged me to concentrate on the success I had, but I was driving myself crazy. I was consumed with being on a diet and losing weight. I was so consumed with caloric intake and exercise, that I was about ready for a rubber room. So I stopped weighing myself and the weight gradually crept back on. As I'm sure some of you know, that does wonders for your self-esteem.
At the beginning of 2012, I decided to get back on track for good. I am not getting any younger and while I'm not sick, I am starting to notice some of the little health issues that come with aging. Coupled with a back injury I sustained the summer, it was time for me to "haul butt," so to speak. I analyzed what had gone wrong in the past, and vowed not to make the same mistakes, too often, LOL, again. I vowed to do what was sensible. The first week I lost four and a half pounds. It was time to do the happy dance. The second week, I lost a pound, still not too bad for a two-week loss.
Last week I traveled all week. I navigated buffet tables and food bars fairly well for the first three days. A bit of fatigue, a bit of being homesick, and the grind of being in three cities in five days, took its toll. After a while I simply ate because I was hungry. It didn't really matter what went in my mouth. I am not sure what physicist originally said it but I can't argue with it. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." What goes in our mouth determines whether we gain or lose weight. I had the option of spreading this trip out, but you know, since I'm Superman, I can leap tall buildings in a single bound. So this morning when I climbed on the scale at 6 AM it really didn't surprise me that I had gained 3.2 pounds in the past week. What did surprise me was my reaction. I didn't freak out, didn't decide it wasn't worth it, didn't throw away all my fruit and vegetables and proclaim that a healthy lifestyle was for someone else and not for me, I simply sat down at the kitchen table and reviewed what I needed to do right this week to lose the 3.2 pounds I gained.
What I am learning, is what makes me tick. I am learning how I can sabotage myself, justify overeating, and just plain rationalizing my way into a 12 inch pizza. Believe it or not, I am in a happy place right now. I am at peace and I know what I need to do. By the way, I have a long life ahead of me to do it. The stress and the tension of being overweight is something I have to learn to cope with. After two years, I think I'm doing a pretty good job.
Thank you SparkPeople while I'm not one of your more visible success stories. You have taught me much, much more than I learned in all the time before I met you.