Monday, November 06, 2006
I am starting back to my routine of exercising as I had missed 6 days in a row and am feeling kinda swollen. I guess all that stress, anxiety, anticipation is gone now and I can begin again.
My emotions are so jumbled though, and I am doing my best to be happy, content and prideful. BUT my grief, my saddeness of not having my son RILEY here is great. It's enought that I am dreaming of him often and am always at points of needing to protect him. I am grateful for the dreams to see my son, those make me happy too.
I only have two weeks of school and I am doing my best to catch up, but I don't know if my teachers will cooperative. I am praying about this. As for my healthy eating, I know I need to be consistant in it and not eat what is most handy (takeout). I will try to make the best choices if it comes to that.
Again, I want to say thank you for your comments, and messeges, they are much appreciated.
mom to Angel RILEY
Friday, November 03, 2006
Please meet my grandson, Darius
Born, Wednesday November 1, 2006 at 11:06pm
Weighing 8 lbs 4 oz and 19" long
You can see him on my Photo Gallery
It has been a Blessed week and I thank GOD for all that he has done for me and my family. I thank you all, my friends who have kept us in prayer. Many blessings to you all.
mom to Angel RILEY
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Today is again one of those hard times. I miss my baby so very very much, that my whole being hurts. I want him home, but yet to think that would mean taking him away from something good and that thought hurts even worse. WHY GOD, does it have to hurt?
With Halloween just a couple days away, makes me sad that my son won't be here to enjoy this Kids holiday. But, for his friends and family will we celebrate it. Today we are finally going to get some candy, make our scarecrow, and carve the pumpkins that our friends have given us.
I am trying so hard not to eat unconciously but still I get hungry and find the quickest thing, or nearest which is not always good. In a few days it will be payday then I can plan my meals and buy the stuff for it. I think also just getting past Halloween will be relief for my stress too.
I guess also being in a financial strain is making me more stressed, that I worry constantly but again just a couple more days then we will be ok. It's not like we are starving or have no shelter, or gas for the car, it's just the what ifs that can come up that got me worried.
Oh GOD if your there now is the time I need you the most. Amen
Friday, October 27, 2006
This past few days have been the roughest for me, in my grieving. It seems that there were things, sounds, sights, words that just brought back memories that were painful. I mean I love my son, but for me to remember all the hard times (illness etc...) that he went through, and not knowing if I did enough or not just breaks me.
I was able to talk with friends and family who helped my throught these times. Sometimes I think I am strong and there's others when I know I am not and this was one of them. I think if I had written down my feelings it would have helped but I was trying to keep myself busy with other things which didn't work and I was lost.
But now I am able to focus, and when the memories come, I will embrace those and try to be happy, to know that I did everything in my power to help my baby while he was here.
Today is 34 weeks since he went to Heaven, and I know he can see us and have love for us all. My son is not alone, he is with JESUS and his many grandmas who all love him just as much as I do.
RILEY WE LOVE YOU TO ETERNITY, MOM & DAD
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Well, I guess this is it....I will now go on a more stricter way of eating.
At today's weighin I have gained 1.25 pounds, putting me be back to where I started.
Also my blood sugars have started to go back up. I thought I was making progress but in the past three days it has went up to where it was previously. So I will be doing a more protein, less carb way of eating, and I will increase my minutes of walking.
I will not give up, I will not give up. THANK YOU GOD for your motivation.
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