JOE_ANNE2   27,261
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Not for me . . .to know

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

I know now that things are not all to be understood, so I give GOD my questions, thoughts, and concerns. He knows my thoughts before I even say them, and I trust him completely to help me through each day.
I thank you all for your comments and prayers, please know that I am so thankful for each of you and that you all keep me from falling into deeper depression. You all are Heaven sent, so be blessed my sparkfamily.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEVERFORGET911 3/11/2010 10:47AM

    Having faith in God is the most important step you can ever take. Good for you! Whatever happens is in His plan so, keep the faith. Literally!

Have a good week. We are always here, if you need us!


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_KATHY 3/9/2010 8:03PM

    Keep the FAITH !

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MOMFAN 3/9/2010 7:36PM


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DETERMANATION1 3/9/2010 5:42PM

    we are here to support you , and yes thank GOD for his precious love
for us. emoticon

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TONYA_DIMPLES 3/9/2010 5:18PM

    We are always here for you. emoticon

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Shaken . . . .

Sunday, March 07, 2010

My faith has been shaken so many times, and I don't want to take it anymore.
First in 1999, my mom, Annabelle, the most wonderful woman in this community, was taken to Heaven in a car accident, with my only sister-in-law, Neva. Then a few years later my grandmother Helen, which made me feel so lost that I felt I had lost all connections to my heritage. Then my only brother, Thomas, who was the eldest of my siblings. Then my son, my sweet angel RILEY, my youngest child who was supposed to be with us for many more years.
There have been many others, very close friends of our family, Kip, Susie, Matthew, Robert, Johnny, Deane, Cleave, and Orlando. They were just like family, and all of them so loved and missed, it just hurts to know that we have to live on without them.
It seems just when I am ready to move on to life, something tragic happens and my heart is again torn, weighed down with such sadness, that there is real physical hurt. My family tries to hold me up, or lift this darkness from me, and I love them for trying to help. Maybe it's true you have to hit bottom before things get better.
Don't worry bottom does not mean drinking or drugging to me. It is a point of needing GOD desperately, and only He can help me from this darkness of my soul. I call upon him now to help me through this dark time, to give me peace, strength and understanding. "Please LORD I need you now". Amen

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MMICKEYP 3/16/2010 2:34PM

    Sometimes it's hard when we don't have the answers ...especially to the things that just don't seem fair and we just don't understand.

Somewhere deep inside we must hold on the the knowledge that even though things are rough...God love is with us and in us.

I am praying that this hard season for you will be finished soon that a new season of joy can blossom!

xoxox emoticon

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HICALGAL 3/8/2010 7:21AM

    you're in my prayers! emoticon

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MOMFAN 3/8/2010 2:40AM

    Praying for God to comfort and heal your hurting heart!

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FIGHT2SURVIVE 3/7/2010 9:01PM

    There is a song called "If You Could See Me Now" that I often sing at funerals. Some of the lyrics say "If you could see me now, I'm walking streets of gold
If you could see me now you'd know I've seen His face
If you could see me now the pain has been erased.

Google it. It may bring you some comfort.

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DAWG-TILL-I-DIE 3/7/2010 7:46PM

    I am so sorry for your losses. I pray God will comfort you during this difficult time.

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TONYA_DIMPLES 3/7/2010 7:22PM

    Hey sweetie, I am so sorry that you lost so many loved ones. I can identify w/ you , you can never forget them. Try to keep the special memories close to your heart.It will a little better each day, I am a witness to that. The enemy will try to take away your faith and tell you many lies about who God created you to be.You have to be strong and lean on The Lord to be your All in All. He will rock you to sleep @ night when times gets unbearable and He will dry your tears. God is also a Healer of broken hearts, just trust Him , His Word will never return to Him void. He did say that He will never leave or forsake you.

I pray that it will get a little easier for you and I pray that He will comfort you always. Take care of yourself , it will be okay. emoticon emoticon God bless you, Tonya

Comment edited on: 3/7/2010 7:24:29 PM

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Saturday, March 06, 2010

GOD, why, why does our family have to face such tragedies? Please be with my oldest son Santeo as he and his friends face the sadness of losing their friend. Amen

Rest In Peace, Kip Proper

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORGANSMOM52 3/7/2010 9:13AM

    Please accept my condolences on the loss of your sons friend. It's hard to lose those we care about, even harder, I think, when that person is young and should have their whole life ahead of them. When young people lose a friend to tragedy or illness it bring home to them mortality in a way they had not experienced before. Get him to talk, and just listen.

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.DUSTY. 3/6/2010 10:45PM

    emoticonand emoticon

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WINTER20101 3/6/2010 8:48PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MYSTIC_WOLFE 3/6/2010 8:04PM

    I pray that God hears your cry for help. I pray that God watches over Santeo and his friends and send comfort to their hearts as well as yours. Amen

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GRANDMAAMIE 3/6/2010 3:12PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MORGANIZER 3/6/2010 1:40PM

    I'm so sorry. My brother lost his best friend months after he graduated high school. It's been more than six years and he's never been able to let go, neither have I. It's such a tragedy to lose someone young and close to you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I'll keep you in my prayers. You and your family.

Comment edited on: 3/6/2010 1:41:00 PM

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Walking on . . . .

Friday, March 05, 2010

Although my husband and I didn't have our date day, we did spend it with family and I am very gratefull for their understanding.

I also did walk yesterday, even though I really did not want to. What I wanted to do was just go to sleep and wake up to a new day. Today I also got up and went for a walk, and feeling a little better, or at least that I accomplished something.

Not much happening this weekend, so I think I'll try rearranging furniture and catching up on my reading once that is done.

Sparkfamily, I want you all to know that you all are precious to me and I thank GOD for each of you. Be blessed emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKPIXIE 3/5/2010 2:20PM

    I am going to be re-arranging my furniture sometime next week. I always do it in the spring, its part of my spring cleaning ritual. If you play some music with a good beat and really move a lot, you'll burn some calories!!!

God bless you!

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I cried......

Thursday, March 04, 2010

I cried . . . .just before I went to sleep. I guess I had been holding onto those tears all day yesterday and when I was ready, awake alone, I felt them fall and I couldn't stop. I did not moan or sob, just gentle tears rolling continuous down my cheeks and the ache of my heart that will be there for awhile. (Until I see my son RILEY again)
I was listening to my playlist of Inspirational music and just imagining what my son sees in Heaven was so, so, heart wrenching. I want so much to there with him, and yet knowing that my place is here makes it hard to get up to another day.
But I did, My last memory before sleep over came me, was praying that GOD would get me through this and will reveal his will for me soon. Although the day is late now I feel I can come here and just write, about what? I don't know.
I do want to thank you all for your comments, for your hugs and for being my friends.
I think I've lost my groove, my momemtum for exercise. No, maybe just for today. I mean I will get back to it, it's just I need today to recollect, rejuvenate, to pause. I will be back tomorrow, so have a great evening with your families sparkfriends.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    My heart goes out to you. I have a pretty good idea how you feel about the loss of your son. Seven years ago, our family went through the loss of my 6 1/2 month old grandson. My Daughter still has bad days. The thing that has seen her through is her love for the LORD and her determination to help other hurting mothers. May GOD bless you and your family and I know he will see you through.
Force yourself to get up and get moving. Don't let Satan have a crack to get to you.
Keep on Keeping on in the LORD. emoticon

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MINDYJ1 3/4/2010 11:23PM


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YAFENELRA 3/4/2010 9:57PM

    I know it is hard but you will make it!!

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MYSTIC_WOLFE 3/4/2010 8:25PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your son. I pray that God brings you comfort soon. I pray that He keeps you in his hands and protect you from any further pain. It's okay to take a day off to get yourself together. God took a day off when He created the world. May God be with you through this journey and keep you on your journey to lose weight. Maybe the exercise can help get your mind set back. Don't stop loving and don't give up. I know you want to be with your son but know he is in good hands. Concentrate on what it is God wants you to do here. Much love goes out to you and your family. If you need to talk or need a shoulder to cry on, don't hesitate to stop by and let me know. I am here for you if you need me.

Many Blessings,

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GRANDMAAMIE 3/4/2010 8:21PM


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    I feel like I'm losing momentum too. Just think about how Riley would want you to be healthy and happy. I've been missing my mom a lot lately but I know she would be proud of me so I just try to keep going, one day at a time. You've been so very strong. *hugs*

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BUBBLES820 3/4/2010 7:08PM

    I'm sorry yesterday was such a hard day for you, you definitely deserve a day to pause and recollect! You take care of you!! I'm praying for you.
emoticon emoticon

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TRACY180 3/4/2010 6:27PM

    I'm glad that you felt comfortable crying, listening to music, thinking about your son in heaven and talking about it here. Feel free to share some stories about him. It might give you a chance to relive some of the good times.

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