JOE_ANNE2
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Giving my thanks :)

Thursday, October 08, 2009

I give thanks to GOD for watching over my grandson and keeping him safe....Although my heart felt guilt, because I didn't do what I was supposed to, and that was to keep him safe.
After my son had passed away, I still have feelings that there was more I could have done for him, and I promised GOD I would do my best to care for my grandson. I feel like I've failed.
BUT I've not given up, I will do all that I can to care and keep him safe. That means losing some pounds, because yesterday I was so out of breathe, it felt like I was running. I can do all things through him who gives me strength.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, Amen

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BTHINMAMMA 10/8/2009 8:56PM

    Praise God that we can do all things through Him who gives us strength! Wow, what a Savior!

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FAMILYTRADITION 10/8/2009 7:40PM

    I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you are a part of your grandson's life! I'm glad that he is safe, I'm glad you are too! I hope things get better for you!

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KO1215 10/8/2009 4:53PM

    Accidents happen and the truth is, he is safe. And very lucky to have you! Glad it worked out okay.

Hugs,

Keri

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MSHOPPER63 10/8/2009 4:48PM

    Yes JoeAnne we should remember to give thanks more often. So glad your grandson is well.

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So so scared :(

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

My 2 year old grandson, WAS missing.
He had gone out the door when we were cooking, and the gate was left open. I thought I should check on him since I didn't see him in the front yard, thats when I saw the gate and just past that his three wheel bike in the middle of the road. I was struck with terror, because behind our house is an irrigation ditch with about 2 feet of water.
I didn't see our 2 dogs so I thought he may have followed them to the ditch and I look there first, (the momma, gramps, and niece) the others went looking in the opposite directions. I also thought he may have followed the dogs to the fields where the horses and cows were (he's been there with gramps) and I went that way too but didn't see him or the dogs.
As I was returning to the house, I went to the neighbors houses and asked if they saw him and they said no. As I was heading down another street, I saw my other niece running and yelled to see if they found him. She said yes. I was so scared still, because I didn't know if he was ok, or if other dogs had attacked him.
But he was ok, and by then there were others to help look for him. I was so grateful for their help.
I also thank GOD for keeping him safe. Please, give your kids and grandkids that extra hug, just because. emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BTHINMAMMA 10/8/2009 8:54PM

    Praise the Lord he was ok! How scary!!

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JUDYPOPPINS 10/8/2009 11:17AM

    That was scary, Joanne. Kids are just so fast, you blink and they get into things. Special prayers of thanks today that all is well. And big hugs to you, your heart probably still hasn't calmed down.
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MSHOPPER63 10/8/2009 7:23AM

    JoeAnne that is a very scary thing. I can not even imagine what you were going through I am so glad the out come was good.

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CHANA-D 10/8/2009 6:48AM

    What a scare!! I am so glad it all turned out well.

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JESSICA_0029 10/8/2009 1:05AM

    I'm so glad he is ok emoticon

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NETTIEDEE 10/8/2009 12:17AM

    Oh wow...glad he's OK.

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MAMASUE12244 10/7/2009 11:41PM

    I have a two year old grandson. Just the THOUGHT of something happening to him sends me into crying mode. I am so glad that your grandson was found safe and sound. At that age they are sooo curious and so trusting. It takes a fine line to warn them of danger and not scare them to death.


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CATHY_G 10/7/2009 11:41PM

    How terrifying. I remember when my kids were very young, two of them went off together to a neighbor's house. My kids have never played there before, so I never thought of looking there. I had already called the police when they appeared at the door again. There is nothing worse than thinking you've lost a child. I'm so glad that your Grandchild was okay.

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SUNBEAMJANEAL 10/7/2009 11:34PM

    Praise God that the baby is safe! So happy that he has been returned with no injuries. Thank you, God.

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JLUVSHIKIN 10/7/2009 10:53PM

    I was glad to read that he was ok.

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LIFE-FAITH 10/7/2009 10:11PM

    I am so glad he is home safe and sound.
God does watch over us.
jeanla

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WIIGAL 10/7/2009 10:06PM

    That is so scary. I am glad he's home and wasn't hurt.

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SNAZZYPS 10/7/2009 10:02PM

    How terrifying - I'm so glad you found him and he's ok.

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BIRDLEGS29 10/7/2009 9:57PM

    What a dreadful scare. Extra thanks tonight to the Good Lord who saw him safely home.

Jean

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JUSTWANTTOLOOSE 10/7/2009 9:55PM

    Happy to hear he's safe at home. emoticon

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KELLI9001 10/7/2009 9:49PM

    So glad he is safe and back at home!

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ANGORA4 10/7/2009 9:26PM

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord! So glad he was safely found. I know from experience how terrifying this can be.

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PEPPERLEAH 10/7/2009 9:22PM

    I am so glad he is ok! We should always give extra hugs, and let the people we love know we love them...You just never know.

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Slowly getting things done.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

My husband finally talked to me and he said he was really disappointed, not mad. And so far things are working out ok with our limited budget for this month.
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Tomorrow I will plan my week, for meals, exercise, and my time. Also I really need to get back to attending Sunday church service, because I feel I really need the fellowship of others.

Thank you Sparkfriends, you all are precious, and special to me. Love and Huggs to you all

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SJACQUITA 10/7/2009 4:39PM

    This too shall pass. I'm praying for you. Peace and blessings, Kita

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NELLIEC 10/5/2009 1:24PM

    Well, disappointment is much better than mad. It is when you can't tell, that you get worried!

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GODSCLAY47 10/4/2009 12:20PM

    I am so glad you got it out in the open and now getting it behind you! We are all here for you and I am sure your church family is too! Have a blessed day!

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MSHOPPER63 10/4/2009 4:31AM

    Joe Anne I am so glad things are starting to look up. Healing will take place with every passing day.

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SUSAN134 10/4/2009 1:20AM

    I am so happy to read this. I am sure your stress level has decreased immensely! Getting back to church would be so beneficial to you, I hope you do!

This coming week is certainly looking much brighter for you!

Hugs

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ANGORA4 10/3/2009 11:49PM

    I am so proud of you!!! You made an error, and you admitted it. You did something about it. You owned up to it. You recognize it has a root cause. You have made an appointment to talk to someone about dealing with that cause. Your husband is speaking to you again. Woo hoo!

Expensive lesson, to be sure, but if it is the nudge that gets you to deal with things that need fixed, then it wasn't a total waste. I love the verse in Genesis where Joseph is talking to his brothers in Egypt, and they are afraid because of the bad thing they did to him, and to their father by covering up their sin. And then Joseph makes this amazing statement, that what was meant for evil, God used for good. I love that! So I pray that God can use this for your good, despite the pain it caused.

And so glad you've decided to attend church again. I do find that although, like all 'family' relationships, it can be difficult sometimes, there really is something special about worshipping together, sharing good and bad times, working together for a greater cause. Yes, you'll have squabbles, and disagreements, and hurts, and misunderstandings, just like in a physical family--but your spiritual family is important, not just to you, but for them as well.

I think that's why we are given the analogy to the body of Christ. We are all important parts, and we all are necessary to the full functioning of the body. The people in the church need you as much as you need them!

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Why does silence hurt?

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Well, I finally told my husband, and only because he kept asking how much our balance is. I explained about my ATM withdrawel, and how much the bank had charged us for the overdraft fees. I know he understands because we've done this before, both of us. Anyway, he didn't yell, but he ask when I did this and again what our balance is, so I told him.
He took me and my grandson to Burger King, but he was quiet and wouldn't say anything to me. When we got home, he did tell me to go ahead and pay our current bills and thats it. I did as he asked, but I know he is still upset and his silence hurts deeply. I guess it could be worse if he yelled at me or even worse if he cursed, but he didn't. I know it will be a while before this upset is cleared between us.
Ok for my peace of mind, I do have an appoinment with a counselor on the 8th, although not a grief counselor, but I am hoping I can finally get my thoughts, emotions and feelings out to someone who is neutral. I know GOD listens too and I have NOT given up on Him.
I thank you sparkfriends for your comments, friendship, prayers, and love. Be blessed emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNYPOO45 10/7/2009 10:02PM

    I know what your talking about .the silence drives me nuts.I thank I would like to be shout at instand.But my husband says if he has to fight with me he doesnt need me,so we dont fight,but when Im not working I have to ask for money and I hate that.I wont give up my debit card .and we dont have a joint account.he pays the bills.I buy everything else.

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NITA922 10/4/2009 3:16PM

  me and my husband went through this also , i gave up all the bills to him (it was so hard to do this since i had been doing it for 12yrs ) now he kinda relized what i was going through , and now it to has happened to him some of the bad choices, sometimes not anyones fault, just miss communication, so i am glad he knows that now .... emoticon

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MOMFAN 10/3/2009 3:44AM

    Praying for you! emoticonHave you and hubby seen the movie Fireproof?

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LADYIRISH317 10/2/2009 11:25AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLIMDERELLA 10/2/2009 10:35AM

    I agree with all that has been said and the scripture tells us to be slow to speak - sometimes we talk too much and too fast and we say things that can not be reversed even with I am sorry. Counseling is good

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CHANA-D 10/2/2009 6:44AM

    It's good that you made an appointment to speak with someone about your issues. Perhaps he can help you sort through your feelings and make some positive changes that will help you live your life with more inner peace. In the meantime, I agree with cindyhoughton, sometimes the silence is best because words that are spoken in anger can not be undone or taken back.

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ARTHURTOM 10/2/2009 4:37AM

    Letting those inner feelings out to someone that won't necessarily offer a critical comment, but to direct your focus to those feelings is sometimes best. Yes, the silence is more difficult to interpret because of the unknown.

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WANNABFIT34 10/1/2009 7:16PM

    I agree silence is far more difficult than yelling it out. Hope the counselor will help

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NELLIEC 10/1/2009 6:58PM

    Silence can be very difficult. Once I was treated with silence for almost 9 months -- you might guess why.

My heart goes out to you!!!

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MSHOPPER63 10/1/2009 6:20PM

    emoticon



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JOE_ANNE2 10/1/2009 6:10PM

    Yes, I did, I surrendered my debit card to my husband. I know it is too tempting to keep. Not that I always spend money on myself, but on my sisters and their families as well. Thanks all for the comments emoticon

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NETTIEDEE 10/1/2009 6:01PM

    emoticon

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SUNBEAMJANEAL 10/1/2009 5:54PM

    I am so glad you have made arrangements to see a counselor. Any good counselor should be able to help you work through your grief. You counselor may even be a helper sent by God to help you through this difficult time. I you all the best as you and your husband work together to heal through your challenges.

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KELLI9001 10/1/2009 5:47PM

    Telling him what happened is much better than him finding out at an inappropriate time. I grew up with lots of yelling and screaming in the house and believe that silence is much better. As you said, it will take time for him to heal but hoping you will be able to talk to the counselor and maybe get some insight.
Stay strong!
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KEENTINA 10/1/2009 5:37PM

    He might just KNOW. It's too late to change. You know what you did. He hasn't taken away the card or the checkbook. You made an appointment with a counselor. He knows you. Not getting mad may be a good thing.

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CINDYHOUGHTON 10/1/2009 4:20PM

    I am sorry that you are having all this trouble. Sometimes silence is a good thing though it hurts. The words that might come out if he spoke might , in the long run, hurt him more by hurting you and it may be his way of protecting you from him. God does indeed hear every prayer. Let your request go before Him believing He will do something and the peace of God will take care of you unsettled heart.

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2BTHINMAMMA 10/1/2009 4:13PM

    Glad you told your husband. Hopefully the silence will pass soon. And I'm glad you made an appt. w/a counselor. Getting to talk it all out will be helpful. And hopefully the counselor will be able to give you some advice.

Comment edited on: 10/1/2009 4:43:15 PM

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Feeling, Fear, Shame, Guilt :(

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Although my money issue will be cleared with the bank tomorrow, I am so afraid of the outcome.
I still have not told my husband, and I know he will be very upset. Not angry but really disappointed in me. I also feel shame, that I knew what I was doing and did it anyway. My guilt still consumes me, I have a constant headache that won't go away, and now my stomach burns.
Oh, Lord GOD, I need you now.

I realize now that my guilt is for the things I have done, although I know they were wrong and I did it anyway, is because of my depression. I realize now that I used it as an escape from the hurt, sadness, and grief of my son, my baby, going to Heaven.
But, how do I change it? Is there a way to escape with out hurting myself or others feelings?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELLI9001 10/1/2009 5:51PM

    Have you considered options of not spending the money so easily? If you suggested your husband take over the checkbook, would that help? Spending is an easy thing to do, especially when other things are not going so good. Talk to him and try to work this out mutually to help each other.

You have my prayers!

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2BTHINMAMMA 10/1/2009 3:56PM

    Praying for you! Pray about it, tell your husband and work to make things right. The Lord is w/you every step of the way! Keep crying out to the Lord and read and memorize Scripture to help you. The Lord has a reason and a good plan for your life!
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."
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MYSONG 10/1/2009 6:44AM

    Corrie Ten Boom said: When we confess our sin God tosses it into the lake and puts up a "no fishing" sign. Meaning we should not try to drag it back out of the water.

Maya Angelou said: When we know better; We do better.

Forgive yourself.

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MSHOPPER63 10/1/2009 5:59AM

    JoeAnne- Here's a great big emoticon to comfort you during this very trying time. I pray that it will pass soon.

JoAnn
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SCRIBE4CHRIST 10/1/2009 12:22AM

    The bible tell us that when we accept Jesus into our lives we become new creations. You
have to keep reminding yourself of that. I am going through a rough time with my husband too. He sees me stuffing my face every day and knows that I am eating myself to death and that there is nothing he can do about it. We both know that nagging someone to lose weight will never get it. And like you, I went out and spent way too much money and tried to hide it. Now the items can't be taken back and he has blown a gasket. But then I found out he bought a plasma TV without my knowledge so that took some of my guilt away. You will get through this and I think you will be surprised at how your headaches and stomach problems will go away once your conscience is clear.
Good luck and many blessings to you.
Erin

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BUDDY_LOVE 10/1/2009 12:06AM

    Ran into your blog at the 100+ first step club.

And just like the name suggests...it all begins with that first step.

Just tell him and get it over with. Everyone messes up. Whether it be knowingly or not. All you can do is pick yourself up by your bootstraps and try to make it right. and the way we do that is first by apologizing & then making a concerted effort to not make the same mistake again. It doesn't do any good to apologize and ask for forgiveness if you turn around and do it all over again.

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SUSAN134 9/30/2009 11:35PM

    Oh dear. Depression can make us do some pretty crazy, irresponsible things and you have the grief over your
son to compound all the other feelings. I think if you can tell your hubby as soon as possible - just like you posted here, it will help you a lot. Just getting over that anxiety of how he will react will be a weight lifted.

Praying that tomorrow is a brighter day for you.

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SHAR41YTC 9/30/2009 11:10PM

    I am sorry for your pain and anxieties. I will pray for peace for you and support from your husband. We all make mistakes, all face consequences, then hopefully learn from them. Hang in there

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COLD_GOLD 9/30/2009 10:49PM

    Hey there... I saw your blog from the dwd team.


I have felt the same guilt and shame and regret, but don't beat yourself up! You will get through this, one step at a time. Treat yourself like you would a good friend. You have the power to make good decisions going forward!

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