JOE_ANNE2   25,134
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Why does silence hurt?

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Well, I finally told my husband, and only because he kept asking how much our balance is. I explained about my ATM withdrawel, and how much the bank had charged us for the overdraft fees. I know he understands because we've done this before, both of us. Anyway, he didn't yell, but he ask when I did this and again what our balance is, so I told him.
He took me and my grandson to Burger King, but he was quiet and wouldn't say anything to me. When we got home, he did tell me to go ahead and pay our current bills and thats it. I did as he asked, but I know he is still upset and his silence hurts deeply. I guess it could be worse if he yelled at me or even worse if he cursed, but he didn't. I know it will be a while before this upset is cleared between us.
Ok for my peace of mind, I do have an appoinment with a counselor on the 8th, although not a grief counselor, but I am hoping I can finally get my thoughts, emotions and feelings out to someone who is neutral. I know GOD listens too and I have NOT given up on Him.
I thank you sparkfriends for your comments, friendship, prayers, and love. Be blessed emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNYPOO45 10/7/2009 10:02PM

    I know what your talking about .the silence drives me nuts.I thank I would like to be shout at instand.But my husband says if he has to fight with me he doesnt need me,so we dont fight,but when Im not working I have to ask for money and I hate that.I wont give up my debit card .and we dont have a joint account.he pays the bills.I buy everything else.

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NITA922 10/4/2009 3:16PM

  me and my husband went through this also , i gave up all the bills to him (it was so hard to do this since i had been doing it for 12yrs ) now he kinda relized what i was going through , and now it to has happened to him some of the bad choices, sometimes not anyones fault, just miss communication, so i am glad he knows that now .... emoticon

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MOMFAN 10/3/2009 3:44AM

    Praying for you! emoticonHave you and hubby seen the movie Fireproof?

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LADYIRISH317 10/2/2009 11:25AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLIMDERELLA 10/2/2009 10:35AM

    I agree with all that has been said and the scripture tells us to be slow to speak - sometimes we talk too much and too fast and we say things that can not be reversed even with I am sorry. Counseling is good

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CHANA-D 10/2/2009 6:44AM

    It's good that you made an appointment to speak with someone about your issues. Perhaps he can help you sort through your feelings and make some positive changes that will help you live your life with more inner peace. In the meantime, I agree with cindyhoughton, sometimes the silence is best because words that are spoken in anger can not be undone or taken back.

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ARTHURTOM 10/2/2009 4:37AM

    Letting those inner feelings out to someone that won't necessarily offer a critical comment, but to direct your focus to those feelings is sometimes best. Yes, the silence is more difficult to interpret because of the unknown.

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WANNABFIT34 10/1/2009 7:16PM

    I agree silence is far more difficult than yelling it out. Hope the counselor will help

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NELLIEC 10/1/2009 6:58PM

    Silence can be very difficult. Once I was treated with silence for almost 9 months -- you might guess why.

My heart goes out to you!!!

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MSHOPPER63 10/1/2009 6:20PM

    emoticon



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JOE_ANNE2 10/1/2009 6:10PM

    Yes, I did, I surrendered my debit card to my husband. I know it is too tempting to keep. Not that I always spend money on myself, but on my sisters and their families as well. Thanks all for the comments emoticon

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NETTIEDEE 10/1/2009 6:01PM

    emoticon

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SUNBEAMJANEAL 10/1/2009 5:54PM

    I am so glad you have made arrangements to see a counselor. Any good counselor should be able to help you work through your grief. You counselor may even be a helper sent by God to help you through this difficult time. I you all the best as you and your husband work together to heal through your challenges.

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KELLI9001 10/1/2009 5:47PM

    Telling him what happened is much better than him finding out at an inappropriate time. I grew up with lots of yelling and screaming in the house and believe that silence is much better. As you said, it will take time for him to heal but hoping you will be able to talk to the counselor and maybe get some insight.
Stay strong!
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KEENTINA 10/1/2009 5:37PM

    He might just KNOW. It's too late to change. You know what you did. He hasn't taken away the card or the checkbook. You made an appointment with a counselor. He knows you. Not getting mad may be a good thing.

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CINDYHOUGHTON 10/1/2009 4:20PM

    I am sorry that you are having all this trouble. Sometimes silence is a good thing though it hurts. The words that might come out if he spoke might , in the long run, hurt him more by hurting you and it may be his way of protecting you from him. God does indeed hear every prayer. Let your request go before Him believing He will do something and the peace of God will take care of you unsettled heart.

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2BTHINMAMMA 10/1/2009 4:13PM

    Glad you told your husband. Hopefully the silence will pass soon. And I'm glad you made an appt. w/a counselor. Getting to talk it all out will be helpful. And hopefully the counselor will be able to give you some advice.

Comment edited on: 10/1/2009 4:43:15 PM

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Feeling, Fear, Shame, Guilt :(

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Although my money issue will be cleared with the bank tomorrow, I am so afraid of the outcome.
I still have not told my husband, and I know he will be very upset. Not angry but really disappointed in me. I also feel shame, that I knew what I was doing and did it anyway. My guilt still consumes me, I have a constant headache that won't go away, and now my stomach burns.
Oh, Lord GOD, I need you now.

I realize now that my guilt is for the things I have done, although I know they were wrong and I did it anyway, is because of my depression. I realize now that I used it as an escape from the hurt, sadness, and grief of my son, my baby, going to Heaven.
But, how do I change it? Is there a way to escape with out hurting myself or others feelings?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELLI9001 10/1/2009 5:51PM

    Have you considered options of not spending the money so easily? If you suggested your husband take over the checkbook, would that help? Spending is an easy thing to do, especially when other things are not going so good. Talk to him and try to work this out mutually to help each other.

You have my prayers!

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2BTHINMAMMA 10/1/2009 3:56PM

    Praying for you! Pray about it, tell your husband and work to make things right. The Lord is w/you every step of the way! Keep crying out to the Lord and read and memorize Scripture to help you. The Lord has a reason and a good plan for your life!
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."
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MYSONG 10/1/2009 6:44AM

    Corrie Ten Boom said: When we confess our sin God tosses it into the lake and puts up a "no fishing" sign. Meaning we should not try to drag it back out of the water.

Maya Angelou said: When we know better; We do better.

Forgive yourself.

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MSHOPPER63 10/1/2009 5:59AM

    JoeAnne- Here's a great big emoticon to comfort you during this very trying time. I pray that it will pass soon.

JoAnn
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SCRIBE4CHRIST 10/1/2009 12:22AM

    The bible tell us that when we accept Jesus into our lives we become new creations. You
have to keep reminding yourself of that. I am going through a rough time with my husband too. He sees me stuffing my face every day and knows that I am eating myself to death and that there is nothing he can do about it. We both know that nagging someone to lose weight will never get it. And like you, I went out and spent way too much money and tried to hide it. Now the items can't be taken back and he has blown a gasket. But then I found out he bought a plasma TV without my knowledge so that took some of my guilt away. You will get through this and I think you will be surprised at how your headaches and stomach problems will go away once your conscience is clear.
Good luck and many blessings to you.
Erin

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BUDDY_LOVE 10/1/2009 12:06AM

    Ran into your blog at the 100+ first step club.

And just like the name suggests...it all begins with that first step.

Just tell him and get it over with. Everyone messes up. Whether it be knowingly or not. All you can do is pick yourself up by your bootstraps and try to make it right. and the way we do that is first by apologizing & then making a concerted effort to not make the same mistake again. It doesn't do any good to apologize and ask for forgiveness if you turn around and do it all over again.

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SUSAN134 9/30/2009 11:35PM

    Oh dear. Depression can make us do some pretty crazy, irresponsible things and you have the grief over your
son to compound all the other feelings. I think if you can tell your hubby as soon as possible - just like you posted here, it will help you a lot. Just getting over that anxiety of how he will react will be a weight lifted.

Praying that tomorrow is a brighter day for you.

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SHAR41YTC 9/30/2009 11:10PM

    I am sorry for your pain and anxieties. I will pray for peace for you and support from your husband. We all make mistakes, all face consequences, then hopefully learn from them. Hang in there

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COLD_GOLD 9/30/2009 10:49PM

    Hey there... I saw your blog from the dwd team.


I have felt the same guilt and shame and regret, but don't beat yourself up! You will get through this, one step at a time. Treat yourself like you would a good friend. You have the power to make good decisions going forward!

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Assessing...

Monday, September 28, 2009

Ok, so a new week has started and although I don't have the resources to eat healthy, I will still give my best. The money thing is still a big issue, at least until Wednesday, but so far I have things worked out with things that I owe,
For my exercise I will be gonig to the fitness center at 3:30 this afternoon, and then again on Wednesday. I do have an out of town appointment tomorrow so maybe I can try and squeeze some time early that day to do some walking.
I have a membership with Curves and I've missed three months of workouts. I do want to get back there and am planning that for Friday. I also am a member of TOPS and will return to my group meetings next Tuesday.
I've been going up and down with the same 5-8 pounds and now I am determined to get below 330 by end of November. So here I go :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAWENNAKE21 9/30/2009 12:40PM

    Good Luck...I Know You Can Do It!! emoticon

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GODSCLAY47 9/29/2009 6:13PM

    Sounds like a great plan! You can do it!!

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2BTHINMAMMA 9/29/2009 9:22AM

    Good for you for having a goal and a plan to get you there! emoticon emoticon

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TERIE93 9/29/2009 8:17AM

    I do so much better with the big picture when I get things like exercise and diet undercontrol. I think if we figure out how to do that everything else just falls in line so much better. Great plan!

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SNAZZYPS 9/28/2009 10:06PM

    Life gets in the way a lot. You have good plan. emoticon



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MSHOPPER63 9/28/2009 5:53PM

    Sounds like a solid plan JoeAnne, I am so glad to see you moving on. My girlfriend and her husband belong to TOPS in Louisiana. She has been gaining and losing the same 10 pounds for 3 months. Ok we want to get rid of these pounds and never see them again. Going back to the gym and curves will surely help you do that.

Have a wonderful week and drink your WATER !!

JoAnn
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CATHERINEKIRBY 9/28/2009 4:41PM

    You can do this!!

Stay strong,
Catherine

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KENCHRIS401 9/28/2009 4:40PM

    i hear you girl, although i had a 2 pound loss this week, i have been yo-yoing with these 2 pounds for months. I plan to kick it up a notch to try to get past them.

Good luck girl, you can do it!

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Why do I do this?

Friday, September 25, 2009

I have such guilt, that is giving me a headache and a distressed stomach. I know it's my fault. No I didn't gamble, but I used money that we didn't have, AND I used on myself. There's no way I can get refunded or replace this amount ($370) and now that amount is going to be increased with 7 overdraft fees of $35 each at my bank.
Why? Why? Why? I need prayer, I know only GOD can get me through this emotionally. As for my negative bank balance, well thay will be paid on the first of November, the only thing is it will make us short for that month.

Will I ever learn? I hope so.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERIE93 9/26/2009 11:56PM

    I am sorry that you have to go through this situation but if it helps you to come to grips then it could be a learning experience and hopefully you will grow from it. I have times when I am out of control in different areas of my life and usually if I take the time to pray about it and analyze it there is something bigger in my life that I am just not dealing with and the over indulging helps to fill that void or helps me to deny the real problem. Have you thought about things going on in your life that would leave you feeling empty like you had to spend that money to feel better about? I will certainly pray with you, I totally understand what you are facing.

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KEENTINA 9/26/2009 2:14PM

    Overspending is like dieting - hard habits to break and relearn. I started logging my spending and it seemed like I actually spent more because I was concentrating on it!

Good luck! I am going to church tonight and will remember you in my prayers!

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NELLIEC 9/26/2009 1:14PM

    The idea of counting by 35 ten times is good. Except that it should be 7 times, which is still a lot!!! It really brings home the reminder of the consequences.

Ouch!

Comment edited on: 9/26/2009 1:16:18 PM

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THREEE 9/26/2009 12:27PM

    wow...if you don't think there are prayers out here for you, you are not reading all of these beautiful replies of support...

as someone suggested, like dieting, you must have a plan...
AND you must forgive yourself...
AND you need to know WHY you are "emotionally" buying...
AND create diversions or counter attacks/strategies for when you are tempted...

i love the idea of not until the change container is full can you reward yourself with a present...

remember, your 300 dollar expense becames 7x35=245 PLUS 300...whatever you bought, was it worth over $500???

i also said a little prayer for you...when you get tempted again, instead of just counting to 10, why not count 10 by $35s...$35, $70, $105, $140, $175, $210, $245, $280, $315, $350

Comment edited on: 9/26/2009 12:32:21 PM

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MIMULUSBUG 9/26/2009 9:41AM

    I agree with everyone of the comments you've recieved so far. I will be praying for you too! When I'm working on problem area of my life I have found reading up on issue and using the suggestions or exercises in the text prayerfully can provide some additional insight & help.

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AMINAONE 9/26/2009 9:30AM

    Yes...you will learn because with GOD all things are possible. Remember...you must never give up. NEVER!!!! No matter what it looks like! emoticon

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MSHOPPER63 9/26/2009 8:47AM

    Joe Anne, just want to let you know I'll be praying that your situation improves sooner than later. I care deeply about you and hate seeing the pain that you are in.

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SLENDERELLA2010 9/26/2009 8:05AM

   

I'm sorry for your pain.


blessings, Sue

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GOING2LOSENOW 9/26/2009 12:29AM

    A Prayer When In Financial Trouble
But my God shall supply all your needs according to
his riches in glory.—Philippians 4:19

God, help me to straighten out my financial
problems. Release Your Godly wisdom so that
I may be a good steward over all that
You have given me. If my problems seem beyond repair,
help me find a way, Your way, to meet my obligations.
I place this need before You, knowing that You
will guide me to a good solution.
Please grant me the patience and tolerance
necessary to calm my spirit and help me to
remember that You have everything
under Your control and I have nothing to fear or worry.
Amen. emoticon

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KRYSIER 9/25/2009 11:57PM

    It is so good to see you be honest with yourself and be open with us. You are a strong person just for being that way. My prayers are for you. Stay before God.

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BABYJ1006 9/25/2009 11:52PM

    I am a shopaholic and if I have money, it will be spent no matter what. I cannot leave a store without purchasing SOMETHING. Even if it is chapstick, I must leave with something or I feel horrible the rest of the day. I have been working hard on slowing my spending habits down. I stay away from Walmart and the malls. When I go to any other store, I make a list and I stick to it when I shop. Once a week, I will reward myself with something small. (I gave myself a $20 limit). It's been working out pretty well so far.

If I can do this, you can do this. It is all about determination and dedication, just as working out and eating healthy. Your spending needs to go on a "diet" also. You need to figure out a plan and stick with it. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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KOI239 9/25/2009 11:27PM

    Put your loose change in a large jar. When it is full then treat yourself. When ever you are tempted to spend look at your jar and tell yourself you can wait till your jar is full.
At least that helps me.

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ABBIEOCHOA 9/25/2009 11:26PM

    Oh wow, does this sound familiar. It is so hard to tell yourself no sometimes but, the way our world has changed the last couple of years we have to.

It sounds like your faith will get you through this. Please trust in God and know that it will all work itself out (maybe not on your time, but His.)
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SAVINIJ 9/25/2009 11:24PM

    will keep you in my prayers tonight. If you are expressing guilt, then obviously care and want to change. Keep praying. Change will come.

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HEAVENLYCHILD83 9/25/2009 11:18PM

    This happens to a lot of people so please don't beat yourself up over it. I've done it myself a few times. It takes time to learn from mistakes. I know you will get through this as it sounds like you have before.

Maybe next time you want to splurge, before you do, sit down and right out a list of pros and cons of doing so. Or list why you want to and another list next to it for why you shouldn't right at that time. It might help you from running into this same problem again.

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Challenged-WW Back on Track

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I gained this week, but it makes me more determined to move. I have membership with the WeightWatchers online and they have issued a 4 week challenge and I am signed up.
For this week, it was to get back on the scale and thats what I did, revealing my current weight 339, I also posted my "What change will I make" and that was to exercise 3x at 15+ mintues.
Day 1 done with 30 minutes of exercise

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TORYSUE 9/23/2009 12:26PM

    emoticon emoticon

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TERIE93 9/22/2009 7:15PM

    We can do this, keep at it!

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MSHOPPER63 9/22/2009 4:17PM

    Joe Ann emoticon on the exercise. It looks like a few of us for off track for a little while. I'm just getting back myself. The only thing that matters is we are back and a losing weight we will be !!!

JoAnn
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MIMULUSBUG 9/22/2009 3:49PM

    emoticon
So glad to see that you got in 30 minutes of exercise today!!!

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CRISTOBALVAL 9/22/2009 3:27PM

    Good luck. I wish you success with your plan.

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2BTHINMAMMA 9/22/2009 2:59PM

    Way to go!! You've got a plan and determination to make it happen! Good for you!! You can do it!

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KO1215 9/22/2009 2:20PM

    Good for you! I wish you much luck!

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SNAZZYPS 9/22/2009 1:15PM

    You are back on track and that's what matters. I too gained some weight back, but this week is the first weigh in for the Biggest Loser challenge and it's time to get serious.

You can do it - you have the right frame of mind.

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NELLIEC 9/22/2009 1:10PM

    It sounds like you have a plan, so that is great!

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