Thursday, October 01, 2009
Well, I finally told my husband, and only because he kept asking how much our balance is. I explained about my ATM withdrawel, and how much the bank had charged us for the overdraft fees. I know he understands because we've done this before, both of us. Anyway, he didn't yell, but he ask when I did this and again what our balance is, so I told him.
He took me and my grandson to Burger King, but he was quiet and wouldn't say anything to me. When we got home, he did tell me to go ahead and pay our current bills and thats it. I did as he asked, but I know he is still upset and his silence hurts deeply. I guess it could be worse if he yelled at me or even worse if he cursed, but he didn't. I know it will be a while before this upset is cleared between us.
Ok for my peace of mind, I do have an appoinment with a counselor on the 8th, although not a grief counselor, but I am hoping I can finally get my thoughts, emotions and feelings out to someone who is neutral. I know GOD listens too and I have NOT given up on Him.
I thank you sparkfriends for your comments, friendship, prayers, and love. Be blessed
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Although my money issue will be cleared with the bank tomorrow, I am so afraid of the outcome.
I still have not told my husband, and I know he will be very upset. Not angry but really disappointed in me. I also feel shame, that I knew what I was doing and did it anyway. My guilt still consumes me, I have a constant headache that won't go away, and now my stomach burns.
Oh, Lord GOD, I need you now.
I realize now that my guilt is for the things I have done, although I know they were wrong and I did it anyway, is because of my depression. I realize now that I used it as an escape from the hurt, sadness, and grief of my son, my baby, going to Heaven.
But, how do I change it? Is there a way to escape with out hurting myself or others feelings?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Ok, so a new week has started and although I don't have the resources to eat healthy, I will still give my best. The money thing is still a big issue, at least until Wednesday, but so far I have things worked out with things that I owe,
For my exercise I will be gonig to the fitness center at 3:30 this afternoon, and then again on Wednesday. I do have an out of town appointment tomorrow so maybe I can try and squeeze some time early that day to do some walking.
I have a membership with Curves and I've missed three months of workouts. I do want to get back there and am planning that for Friday. I also am a member of TOPS and will return to my group meetings next Tuesday.
I've been going up and down with the same 5-8 pounds and now I am determined to get below 330 by end of November. So here I go :)
Friday, September 25, 2009
I have such guilt, that is giving me a headache and a distressed stomach. I know it's my fault. No I didn't gamble, but I used money that we didn't have, AND I used on myself. There's no way I can get refunded or replace this amount ($370) and now that amount is going to be increased with 7 overdraft fees of $35 each at my bank.
Why? Why? Why? I need prayer, I know only GOD can get me through this emotionally. As for my negative bank balance, well thay will be paid on the first of November, the only thing is it will make us short for that month.
Will I ever learn? I hope so.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I gained this week, but it makes me more determined to move. I have membership with the WeightWatchers online and they have issued a 4 week challenge and I am signed up.
For this week, it was to get back on the scale and thats what I did, revealing my current weight 339, I also posted my "What change will I make" and that was to exercise 3x at 15+ mintues.
Day 1 done with 30 minutes of exercise
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