Friday, October 20, 2006
For the past two days, I have not gone to class. I feel like I need to be with my family, as I have been having break downs of crying. Since my ex-brother inlaw passed away my thoughts were of my son RILEY, and all the pain, regrets, whys all hit me again.
I've been praying, journaling, and talking with my sisters and that has helped a lot. But I just needed to be near my home, and be with others who care. I just hope my teachers understand.
I've been trying to stay on my eating plan and if I don't, I do make sure I write everything down so next week if I have a gain I'll know why. I've also been doing short walks of 20 minutes and am hoping that makes a difference. Sometimes it's the only release of stress for me, and it's my time alone to think and pray if I need to.
Thank you friends for your comments :) it really helps to keep me motivated especially in these hard times.
GODs Blessing to you all.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
What up with that? I gained a pound, even after 6 days of exercise.
Anyway I'm getting annoyed with this up, down, up cycle, but I will be patient and keep on with what I need to.
One thing good, is that my blood sugars are going down. Not as much as I would like but it is a lot better. I guess consistency is the key for everything in my life right now.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
This morning my sisters ex-husband passed away. They have three children together, they are Johnny(14), Zayna(13), and Mariah(9). I feel so very badly for them and I know GOD is not hurting us intentionally but still it hurts.
When I got to his house, the peramedics were still trying to revive him, and it brought back those feelings of helplessness that I had experience when my Son RILEY journeyed to Heaven. For now I am going to trust GOD that he is in control and I need to keep living forward, and help my nieces and nephew where ever I can.
This has not been a good week for me and my family, please if anyone reads this we all need prayer. THANKS.
mom to Angel RILEY
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Today we got some information about my son's estate. Now I feel so bad, this was his money, he should be here to enjoy it. Knowing he can't be here to be a part of it hurts so bad.
I would exhange it all just to have him back. But is that selfish? I know it is, because my son would be in pain if he were here, his asthma was really taking a toll on him and that is one thing I would NOTwant, and that is for my baby to have to SUFFER.
Oh RILEY, I miss you so much baby.
GOD if your there I need such comfort now, and tell me how to get through, this time.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Tonight's class increased my passion to be a teacher. As I have the most inspiring instructor who believes in me and my potential.
Before I go into a classroom I want to be knowledgeable in as much of the subject areas as I can. I want to be able to give my futures the best. My instructor again encourage me not to give up my dream, and that is to obtain a doctorate.
This was my dream before my son journeyed to Heaven, so he knew also what I wanted, in fact the 5 months previous, GOD provided me the opportunity to be in a classroom. Not just any room but my son's where I was able to have lasting memories of us together. THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER.
Now I come to realization that I need that same passion to help me get to where I should be. Commitment is my bad, I start strong but end up weak after a few weeks. But with a sentance hanging over me (the insulin thing) then it is not going to be failure it is going to be the one thing to make me JUST DO IT.
I am ready............here we go.
Get An Email Alert Each Time JOE_ANNE2 Posts