JODY22002   18,257
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JODY22002's Recent Blog Entries

Coming out of hiatus...a new knee, a new year and new resolutions...

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Man, it has been a long time since I have been here! I have missed it. Missed all of you!

I am still maintaining my 145lb loss. Some parts of maintenance have been super duper easy. I truly hated how unattractive and unsexy I felt when I was fat. It is not hard for me to tap into those feelings again when I feel the urge to over eat and that keeps me on track. I don't want to go back there. However, I felt my best when I was tracking, eating 6 times a day, and eat clean foods which I have gotten away from so here I am, back to get myself feeling my best again.

Some parts of maintenance have been super difficult. Like the fact that almost a year ago, I screwed up my leg at a Roller Derby practice, had surgery to fix it, did it again, and finally, on Dec 6, got a new ACL. The past year has made exercising difficult. I wasn't able to do the stuff I love like running. Aside from walking, I have gotten away from exercising.

I am not mobile yet. Still using crutches and a wheelchair when I have to but here are my goals for 2012.

1. Eat 6 healthy, small meals a day.

2. Go back to the gym!!!

3. Go back to marathon training(won't happen until closer to the end of 2012)!

4. Track ALL my meals.

5. Maintain at 135(maybe even drop a couple more..we'll see)

6. Tighten and tone all over.

Happy New Year everyone!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POKIEFUZZBUCKET 2/18/2012 11:03AM

    Good to see you back! Great goals, and I hope that you continue to heal quickly!
Patti

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COOKWITHME65 2/18/2012 12:46AM

    Just ready this. Great set of goals.!

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JADAEL 1/19/2012 1:45PM

    WOW.....you have motivated me!!!! Keep up the great work with maintence. It is not easy. As long as you keep your feelings in the front of your mind, you will keep it off! emoticon

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BADASSBLONDIE 1/3/2012 1:02PM

    I'm so happy to see you! I squealed a bit when you liked my status the other day, thinking "oh man, is Jody back?!?!?!" :D

Go YOU on maintaining that loss! And with your injury?! D@mn girl, give yourself a pat on the back!!!! You've definitely earned it!

xoxo

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DEEISINSPIRED 1/2/2012 5:06PM

    Welcome Back! Nice to "see" you again Jody! All the best to you in your recovery! emoticon

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EMTHEGODDESS 1/2/2012 2:22PM

    Glad you're back. You inspire me.

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ANEWKIRBIE 1/2/2012 12:53PM

    You have no idea how excited I was to see your blog! Yay! Glad you're back and on the mend. Sending healing vibes your way.

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IONA72 1/2/2012 4:39AM

    Good on ya girl! Welcome back, best wishes for 2012.

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KAILYNSTAR 1/1/2012 11:59PM

    I'm so glad that you're here! I always look for you and your blogs and knew that you were going through a difficult time.

Tracking definitely helps.

As for exersising, don't push yourself. You know what happened the last time and I don't wish that upon you again...ever.

Happy New Year. Here's to a better and improved year!


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EMRANA 1/1/2012 7:25PM

  Jody! I'm so excited to see you in my feed again, and even more excited to hear that you've maintained your loss! Many of us would have gained after being sidelined, but you rock!

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MADEMCHE 1/1/2012 5:05PM

    Ya Jody! Glad to hear from you! Here is to a speedy recovery and a great 2012!

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SEAWAVE 1/1/2012 5:02PM

    So nice to see you back, and a wonderful way to start the new year. I can tell that you're going to tackle your recovery with gusto!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 1/1/2012 4:54PM

    Hey Jody,
I missed you! Glad to hear for the most part you are ok. I know you will get that knee back into shape in no time!!!

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SKYEPHOENIX 1/1/2012 4:54PM

    Hey, good to see you! Glad to see you've done a pretty good job of maintaining in spite of everything that's been thrown at you. :)

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ALWYS-LKN-UP 1/1/2012 4:41PM

    Welcome back, its so nice to see you!! Happy New Year & New Knee!! :)

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What I miss from 140lbs ago

Friday, July 08, 2011

I opened my eyes thinking about this subject this morning. You know those few moments where you aren't quite awake but not still sleeping, and the house is blissfully quiet, and your mind wanders? Well, my mind wandered to thoughts of twinkies and cheesecakes. Potato chips and margaritas. Then I started thinking of all the things I miss and I realized, there is A LOT. And this is probably going to be a blog that is totally counter-productive to everything we are supposed to have learned but if there is one thing that I have learned on this journey, it's that there is no right or wrong to feelings and these are my feelings.

Sometimes, I miss being the fat girl.

Here's some of the things I miss the most:

1. Food. Sitting down at the table among dishes of yummy goodness and just being able to eat and eat and eat. That feeling of being full and needing a nap after dinner.

2. Ordering what I want off a menu. Not having to consider every single nutritional element before I put the fork to my mouth. Usually a trip to a restaurant involves date night or friends and is supposed to include laughter but I am too busy worrying whether my meal is going to throw me into sodium oblivion to notice anymore. I miss just sharing food with friends along with a few chuckles.

3. People loving me for my personality and me knowing that they love me for my personality. Here's the thing I found when I was overweight. People don't want to socialize, hang out, and talk with you as much. It's like they are afraid of catching the fat. Those friends that did stick with me were friends who truly loved me. Now here's the thing I find now as a skinny girl. People approach me all the time. It's like my new self confidence is a magnet. I miss knowing that the people hanging with me were doing so because of who I am and not what I look like.

4. Being a wallflower. Yep, I miss it, There is something to be said for standing at the back watching everyone else do their thing. You learn to pay attention. You learn to read body language really well because you spend all your time staring at other people's bodies.

5. Parking my butt on the couch with a book, a movie, a pint of Ben n Jerry's and just immersing myself in some mindless drudgery. We learn on this journey that we need to be mindful. Sometimes I miss being mindless because sometimes I just need to shut it all off and just "be".

6. Comfort. I have to be honest and say that to me.....FOOD=COMFORT and nothing short of a lobotomy, is going to change that. Walking into a home that smells like gingerbread cooking, brings me comfort and peace and happiness. The smell of lettuce just doesn't bring on the same feelings, ya know?

7. I miss the choices and the indulgence. Not caring where my next meal came from as long as it came.

8. I miss movie theater popcorn and chocolate. Licking the bowl after making a cake...

9. I miss my boobs....LOL

10. Freedom. Not having to have everything scheduled so that I can squeeze in exercise, and 6 tiny meals a day. Not having to write down everything I eat. There is something free-ing, to me, about going to a buffet and not having to stick to the salad side.

No one ever tells you that there is going to be things you are going to mourn about your fat self. I spent years and years thinking...."Life would be perfect if only I was skinny" or "I'd be happy if I were thin!"

WRONG, WRONG, and some more....WRONG.

Being skinny doesn't make you happy. It doesn't magically make you feel beautiful or sexy. It doesn't suddenly make you feel less awkward in social situations or not trip over your tongue when you talk to boys. Being skinny isn't better. It's just different.

There are definitely things that I DON'T miss about being fat and in all fairness, I am going to list them too.

1. People staring and me *knowing* they are staring because I am fat. In reality, they could be staring because they are thinking, "Man, I love that girl's shoes!" or "That chick needs to do up her fly!" but to me, it was always because they were thinking, "That girl really needs to drop some serious poundage!"

2. Hearing...."You have such a pretty face if only......" followed by some comment about my weight. The rudest, most backhanded comment ever. Seriously, why do people use that line? Like somehow being fat, makes us not have feelings.

3. My thighs chafing. I will never, ever miss that.

4. Being a wallflower. This one, made both my lists. I remember standing in the back and always wishing. Wishing I had the confidence to dance, laugh, talk like everyone else.

5. Having to tie my shirts to the hangers because they were too big to stay on.

6. My muffin top(however, I do miss muffins!).

7. Dreaming about the day I was skinny. All those hours wasted, lost in thought, wondering what I would look like, be like, if only I wasn't morbidly obese.

8. Buying whatever off the rack just because it was the only thing that fit me. As long as it fit, I didn't care what it looked like.

9. Feeling like I was wasting precious time not being who I was meant to be.

10. Letting someone else's words(fatso, pig, whale, whatever....) define me. Like just because I was bigger, someone else somehow had the right to call me names. Fat really is the last acceptable prejudice.

What's the point of this blog, you ask?

I don't know. Not really.

I have come to some realizations lately though.

Who I am now is who I was before and who I was then, is who I still am. I find myself sometimes thinking of my former self as a separate person and the "new" me as a better person and that's not the truth. Sure, I am more toned, smaller, more confident but there are lots of really good things I learned from being fat. I learned to be a good friend because people somehow felt that being the big girl meant I was a good listener. I learned not to judge others so quickly because I was constantly judged. I learned to look at people for WHO they are and not what they looked like.

I sometimes read blogs where people say...."I don't even remember who I was when I was that girl(referring to their former, larger selves)." Like that's a good thing. Like that person didn't matter. It isn't and she did. She mattered then and she matters now. Who she was is who you still are.

Being skinny doesn't make you a different or a better person because grass isn't greener on the other side. Both sides still take sh!t to grow. I don't ever want to forget where I came from or that I wasn't less because I was bigger. I am more because I walked that journey.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTH4LYFE 8/1/2014 7:02AM

    Great Blog. For me, no matter what size I am, I am still me and constantly evolving to be the person I am now, in the moment. My past experiences have shaped me and my goals and dreams help guide me to continue to evolve. There are some behaviors I lapse back into which are not in my best interest for maintaining a healthier lifestyle, so every now and then, some of the things I miss, i.e. not measuring, eating what I want without thinking about how many calories I have remaining in the day still happen, but with much less frequency and intensity (usually). There are definitely some things I miss, but the feelings of self- confidence in how I feel better in my skin, healthier and some of the physical accomplishments I have been able to do because of my improved health out weigh feelings of loss of my former size.

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JUSTTWINKIE 3/25/2012 9:04AM

    Great blog.... Whatever size person you are I think you would be a fun person to be friends with.. You are so right on so much you wrote about.. Keep up the good work work and being an inspiration to others.

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CSMNETC 2/12/2012 1:11PM

    Reference to this from another blog led me to this insightful post. Thank you so much.
I have lost "only" 70+ pounds, and find that I now CONSTANTLY stay on my student groups to be mindful of negative bias against overweight patients/ clients/ colleagues!! Guess they THOUGHT those things, just didn't SAY them out loud when I was "one of the heavy ones" .... BUT, as you point out.... I KNOW that I am STILL one of the heavy ones, operating only under the Lord's grace to be healthier and learning to constantly be more diligent. [Okay, USUALLY more diligent, but certainly NOT perfectly or constantly!!] To be grateful for the positive changes and the "return" of my more familiar reasonably trimmer body -- though that body had CERTAINLY AGED and most parts have DROOPED a LOT while in storage under extra adipose layers -- while aware that for years I was either unwilling or unable (or both) to accomplish what has been accomplished in 2011.
I too become frustrated sometimes especially about eating out: Where do you want to go for Valentine's Day dinner? my husband asked. Well, WHERE is it possible to go and ENJOY a meal without worrying about the food sources/ toxins/ additives/ etc. AND the caloric impact that might undo two weeks of concentrated effort?? And yes, that can take the edge off the fun... and CERTAINLY ruins the spontaneity of "Oh, let's try this place."
Again, well said!
-- Thank you --
Maryjean Gregory

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JADAEL 1/19/2012 1:56PM

    WOW!!!! Thank you!

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REALTORBECKIE 11/3/2011 8:22PM

    Thanks for the sincerity of your blog. This is what I really needed to hear today. I am so glad I stumbled on your page.

I am tired of people who don't understand how complex and integrated weight becomes in your life when you are overweight.

I have always felt that I use weight as a way to create distance between myself and others. As much as I want to lose that weight, it is scary to let part of yourself disappear (literally and figuratively!). Most people don't seem to understand why.

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SLIMGOODY160 10/3/2011 2:12PM

    This is a wonderful blog, thanks!

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KANSASCHICA 9/18/2011 8:42PM

    Wow! You are truly amazing! So glad I came across your page. LOVE your tats! Beautiful!

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RONIREDD 8/18/2011 4:06PM

    Great blog, thank you.

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KAILYNSTAR 8/18/2011 2:20PM

    What a thoughtful and beautiful blog.

I am sure that no matter what your weight...You are STILL a beautiful person.

I am glad to be your friend.


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FITNESSMONSTER8 8/17/2011 11:12AM

    I definitely miss stuffing myself at the buffet. On the other hand I love how strong my body is now.

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SKINNYPOWELL1 8/17/2011 10:39AM

    Super blog. Congrats on all your success, so inspiring. emoticon

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THECRAZYMANGO 8/17/2011 10:36AM

    I actually was thinking about this the other day. I was thinking that I miss when I could emotional binge without a care and now I know exactly what I am doing. It sure isn't as satisfying!

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FLGIRL1234 8/17/2011 10:31AM

    Fantastic blog on every count. You didn't say what people wanted to hear, you wrote what was real to YOU. I love it!

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BRANDI.FEY 8/17/2011 10:17AM

    This is the most amazing thing I've read in a long time. Your honesty is inspiring and touching. Thank you for sharing!

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MOMASAURUS 8/17/2011 10:11AM

    Beautiful blog. Sincerely. Thank you so much for sharing it.
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DEE0973 8/17/2011 10:10AM

    What an awesome blog. You are so right its not a matter of being better but being healthy and loving ourselves enough to take care of us. Be Blessed and thank you for this wonderful blog

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TEENY_BIKINI 8/17/2011 10:01AM

    Wow! That was simply fantastic! I appreciate the rawness and the honesty. You are truly inspiring :)

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EBERKSHIRE86 7/18/2011 3:35PM

    LOVE your blog :) definitely relate to everything on both lists thanks for sharing

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AUSTINNICO 7/18/2011 1:19PM

    Fantastic blog! I think it's important to remember where we came from... and I can COMPLETELY identify with each point (on both lists, I might add)!

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TRICERATOPS88 7/16/2011 7:53AM

    I totally get missing your larger self! The carefree mindset regarding food is something I'll never have again, I'll always be counting in my head. But that girl cried a lot, and self hatred and thoughts screamed in her head. I don't miss that.
Thank you for this blog.

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COMPUCATHY 7/14/2011 8:52PM

    Very good insights. Sounds like you are really coming to terms...both before and after your weight loss. Awesome! Thanks for sharing! Spark on! emoticon

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COURTNEYM100 7/14/2011 10:33AM

    Such a great blog! And so true! I'm at the halfway point between my highest weight and my goal so I'm relating to both lists. Thank you for posting!


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CVALENCIA7 7/13/2011 10:46PM

    This was a very well written post :)

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MAPETERSON42 7/13/2011 3:09PM

    As a guy, I can say after losing a lot of weight, I DON'T miss MY boobs. emoticon

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TURTLE-LYNN 7/13/2011 10:34AM

    Very well written. . .you make perfect sense! Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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DOLORES19 7/13/2011 10:24AM

  Wonderful blog. I can see myself in every word but I still have a long ways to go. I have only lost 44 lbs, Still have about 150 more to lose. Seem to have stayed at 44 lbs. for several weeks now. My problem is I don't really feel fat. I guess if I did maybe it would be easier. I love your story and will read it over and over because it sounds like me. Thanks for sharing with us.

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MRSNUNU 7/13/2011 8:18AM

  I know exactly how you feel and what you went thru thank you so much for sharing. I will visit this post again, i get such a sense of calm when reading it knowing that i'm not alone... Since Dec. 2009, I have lost 127lbs... and yes the boobs were the first to go... my husband misses them, i don't emoticon It has been a long road, but i'm loving every minute of it.. the ups and downs they make you a stronger person. emoticon

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ARTPRINTER 7/13/2011 8:18AM

    Fantastic post... and so, so true!!! Congratulations on your success, and keeping it all in perspective!!
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BEVSMOSS 7/13/2011 7:55AM

    emoticon

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AIMEESINGS 7/13/2011 2:44AM

    Excellently written emoticon

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JOY4LIVING 7/13/2011 1:09AM

    I appreciate how you recognize you have always been the same wonderful person that you are today - good luck with the rest of your journey.

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CRISTALICIOUS 7/12/2011 11:37PM

    Thank you so much for this post. It brought tears to my eyes. I can relate to every single word. Thank you for putting my exact thoughts into words. I know now I'm not alone.

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EMAC79 7/12/2011 11:29PM

    Beautifully written and well said.

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HROSE1 7/12/2011 7:49PM

    Awesome post!! Thanks so much for sharing. I've made the opposite transition. I was always the skinny girl. Now I'm suddenly fat. I've had very similar realizations and feelings as you, though.

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MONIEE2 7/12/2011 7:00PM

    Good post,& the honesty means a lot, as I continue my weight loss journey. This is tough, but gotta keep going!!!

Congrats on your weight loss journey!!

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GIANTMICROBE 7/12/2011 5:23PM

    Ah yes, the boobs. I was lucky because I lost my weight in my teens and I wasn't quite done growing. At 21, I had a growth spurt and went up a whole cup size. I was PUMPED. But yeah, no one ever bothers to mention that's the first place you lose it...

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ANONSI 7/12/2011 4:57PM

    Thanks for this wonderful post!

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JODIBEAR58 7/12/2011 4:26PM

    Wow!!

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SAVEMESANDRA 7/12/2011 3:45PM

  Great post - thanks for sharing. I too, think it is good to remember where we started from and who we were. I believe that I am not creating a new person, just uncovering the real me beneath the layers.

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LLOYDMOMMY 7/12/2011 3:34PM

  wow, amazingly truthful and honest! Thanks so much for sharing. I think we all no matter our age, size or creed need to know and remember who we are, where we came from and what we believe in order to successfully move forward.

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MITCHARVEY 7/12/2011 2:40PM

    Such a great blog! Thanks for reminding me that I am not the only one that wakes up thinking of yummy food that I can't eat:)

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DIVARAT 7/12/2011 11:36AM

    wow - i find this extremely validating. i've lost 90 pounds and likely have another 150+ to go and already i can relate to much of what you wrote here. thank you so very much for this post!

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MRKTGCHICK 7/12/2011 10:24AM

    Great post!! It never that there would be things I would miss if I lost a lot of weight... but they all make sense! I guess the grass always looks greener on the other side.

That's ok because I believe my health will be better if I am thinner and in better shape... and that's my main motivator!

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WEDDLEACE 7/12/2011 9:31AM

    GREAT post! Thanks so much for your honesty and courage in sharing. This is exactly what I needed to hear and you are so dead on! We are important and worth it, no matter our current shape or weight. Dismissing ourselves until we are at our ideal weight is dangerous and counter-productive. Thanks for giving us strength!

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ADAMST3 7/12/2011 8:28AM

    Refreshing...authentic!

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ANNABELLA007 7/12/2011 6:49AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUNNYGIRL23 7/12/2011 2:27AM

    Awesome blog and definitely some good perspective, thanks for sharing chica.

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DOLCEVITA256 7/11/2011 11:55PM

    Sorry for the double post! It was just that good. emoticon

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DOLCEVITA256 7/11/2011 11:54PM

    Amazing. Thank you for sharing. emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/11/2011 11:56:42 PM

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SALSACHIC 7/11/2011 11:11PM

    Great blog, I always enjoy reading your insights.

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Maintenance is kind of boring...

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Actually, it's TOTALLY boring.

Zzzzzz.

So I am putting along. Holding my own and maintaining my weight(it really is time for some updated photos soon) which, don't get me wrong, is totally FREAKIN' AWESOME but man, it is completely dullsville. Especially when you are exercise restricted. Next weekend, I should have been running my first full marathon but I still face at least one more surgery on my leg, running is not on the horizon for me anytime soon. I miss it terribly.

Even the urge to buy every item of clothing that fits me has passed. For awhile there, trying on clothing became my pass time. Popping into stores just to see if I could fit the next size down from the last time I was there was exciting but there is no next size down for me. I am where I was headed and that's a good thing, right?

But I am bored.

Bored. Bored. Bored.

What do you with your self after you have lost more than 140 lbs? You step up your exercise game! But I can't do that right now.

Even the need to plant myself in front of the mirror and stare at my various new body parts(Yes, I did that) has passed. Probably some kind of sign of acceptance that this is where I am, who I am, and where I am going to stay. Cool but dull. I am a girl that needs a mission.

I spent an entire year wanting to get to the maintenance stage and when I would read other blogs about how hard maintenance was, I would think, "how could it possibly be hard? Everything will be so easy when I get there!"

Not.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy. Happy with my body for once in my life. Healthier then I have ever been. I just need to somehow kick it up a notch!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNERRACHEL 7/10/2011 9:16PM

    Wow, this put a smile on my face. Your dry humor. I am in maintenance. It is much more exciting, motivating and novel to be losing. Once your weight doesn't move you have to find new goals.

Sounds like you love exercise and once your leg is better you will get back into it.

Setting new goals sounds good. I added you as a friend. You are inspiring!

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TRICOTINE 7/9/2011 8:01PM

    ♦ When I got injuried from running I picked up Karate (Yoga makes me sleep...) and that kept me going, it has been the only activity I have kept going through depression. It didn't keep me from re-gaining the weight I had lost but it kept me away from the sofa, at least two hours a week... ☺

Good luck finding what works for you, what will keep you on the maintenance path! emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/9/2011 8:02:18 PM

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RABID1ST 7/8/2011 9:14PM

    I think it must be time for a different sort of mission. Something, perhaps, that has nothing to do with your weight. You could learn yoga or pilates or take up juggling. You could design mosaics or learn all about backyard birds and go birdwatching. Or canoe. Take up photography and ramble about taking photos once your leg is better.

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TREASURINGLIFE 6/14/2011 1:59PM

    I soooo feel you! Not right now, of course, but I was where you are. I had lost over 150 pounds...and maintained it for a year (until I got pregnant). I was loving my new body and life, but it did get boring and it was very hard -- because all the excitement of losing was gone. All the "how'd you do this week?" and "wow, you look amazing!" were gone. No one seems to care if you maintain. You know?

All I can say is hang in there and when you're able to work out again it'll get exciting. Until then, plop yourself in front of the mirror and revel at your beautiful body! ;)

Have a GREAT day!!

- Michelle

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BADASSBLONDIE 6/13/2011 4:34PM

    I hope your leg behaves itself soon. *hugs* There must be an exercise plan you could make and up without involving your leg... can you swim? What about pilates? or arm ST and abs? *hugshard*

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COOKWITHME65 6/12/2011 6:25AM

    So glad to see that your blogging again Jody! We have missed you. I can imagine how bored you are not being able to run or skate. Are you doing an upper body work out?Can you swim? Are you still in touch with your roller derby friends? Can you branch off of some of your other talents? You do so well with couponing. Maybe you could start teaching classes on it in your community. Just a thought.

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MELLABELLAS 6/12/2011 4:12AM

    Way to go on your weight loss so far! You look great!


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JODY22002 6/11/2011 11:47PM

    You are right, TBelle. It probably is more that I cannot do what I want fitness-wise.

I still exercise. I even still work out my bad leg with the help of physio. I thrive on pushing my body harder than I think it can go. It's hard to do that when you can't straighten your leg all the way or bend it. Even trying to pick something up off the floor is a lesson in patience.



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EMRANA 6/11/2011 9:51PM

  I'm proud of you for being on maintenance and excelling at it! That deserves a round of applause!

I don't know all your limitations, but I think if I were in a position where I couldn't work out with my legs, I would focus on core and upper body in the meantime. That would give me something to devote attention to until I could do full body workouts again.

I'm so happy to see you here, Jody! I've missed your blogs and your smiling face!

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EMMANYC 6/11/2011 6:40PM

    I have been maintaining for about 14 months now, and have also gone through a couple of periods when my exercise has been restricted (injuries, illness, etc).

To keep maintenance interesting (especially when I can't do my favourite exercise routines), I try to do the following:

1) Use restrictions on exercise as an opportunity to work on "neglected" body parts or aspects of my fitness. For example, when my leg has been messed up, I've worked on upper body and core strength. When my hamstrings bothered me, I took up recumbent cycling. When my shoulders or back hurt, I go for walks.

2) When my body IS behaving, I pursue challenges like training to walk/run a half marathon - or even something as simply as varying my walk to/from work so that I get a longer walk with a spectacular view (of the Statue of Liberty). I travel somewhere hot, put on a bathing suit and go scuba diving.

3) I experiment with the foods I eat at home. I try new recipes. I focus on improving nutritional balance. I try to develop a taste for Greek yogurt.

4) I enjoy going out for dinner with a more relaxed approach to calories. And I also try to achieve balance over the week - indulging in something interesting at a restaurant for example and then cutting back a little later in the week to stay within my calorie range.

5) I move off the subject to weight loss and focus on other aspects of my life. I have time and energy to explore other aspects of my life - take Portuguese, for example.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 6/11/2011 4:31PM

    It's funny but I have reached a point of acceptance and boredom as well. Yes I have a lot more work to do but just kind of tired of the process and don't hate myself anymore so that burn to lose has been lost. I think the key is riding out the boredom for a bit and then redirecting when we can. You will find your next focus soon. Truly.

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SEAWAVE 6/11/2011 3:05PM

    You KNOW being on maintenance isn't the issue, it's being held up with your knee. Don't go beating up on maintenance - you worked hard to get there!

I guess this is where you tell yourself you're learning patience, and meditation, and find some more sedate hobbies to occupy your time. Frustrating, I know. I've been in recovery for 1.5 years now, and keep hitting setbacks. Just gotta hang in there until it's over.

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FITTINGIN130 6/11/2011 2:21PM

    I congratulate you on being in maintenance and also am sad for you that you can't strive toward insane levels of fitness till that leg is all healed. But there must be a reason for it.

Look at all you've been through in your life. You, lady, are a survivor, and an inspiration. Shoot, if you wrote a book, I'd read it. I'd buy it and read it.

My own personal outlook is that everything happens for a reason. Maybe now is that time for all the introspection to become something outward. I also feel like I'm rambling.

Either way, good for you for never giving up and for always being determined. Thank you for your inspiration and I know that you will get through this just as strongly and willfully as you did the rest.

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PAIGESMAMA 6/11/2011 1:23PM

    Good for you being on maintenance. Maintenance is hard. You have worked and worked to get there and now you are there and it is kind of like now what.

You are doing a great job. Just stick with it. Keep trying new things that you can do for exercise.

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I haven't been too sparkly lately....

Friday, April 22, 2011

.....but for all of you that have sent me emails, I am still here. Still reading.

My body seems to have finally settled at the 135 lb range. I have stopped losing and I am doing well maintaining. I'll admit that I haven't been tracking my food but I have been doing this long enough that I now know what and when I should be eating. Still, my goal this week is to track my food every single day.

My leg, however, is a mess. I still face one more surgery but because I have such extensive bone bruising, it will be awhile before the surgeon is willing to attempt it. They are taking the ligaments from my hamstring this time so I am doing lots and lots of physio in order to get my thighs strong enough to support my recovery. I had a major meltdown yesterday when the surgeon told me that it will be at least 9 months AFTER surgery before I will be able to return to any hardcore exercising. Even my walking is restricted. For a girl that has found her passion in running, it's kind of heartbreaking. It feels like a year of work down the tubes. My goal for today is to walk somewhere....anywhere...and listen to my body.

Anyway, I am here. Still reading your blogs.

Happy Easter!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FRUITYCHERRY 5/30/2011 12:47AM

    Are you still checking in here on spark? How are you?!!

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FITTINGIN130 5/19/2011 1:56PM

    Missing you and thinking of you often. emoticon about your leg. Hopefully things are improving lately. I'm so happy for you that you've settled around the 135 range. I hope your H is as happy for you, too. emoticon You are amazing and have really found maintenance it sounds like. Thank you for being someone I can aspire to be like.

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MRSPOLLO 4/28/2011 1:11PM

    Oh man, that is a hard pill to swallow. I have been away from Spark myself, just needed a break and stopped reading and logging so I feel pretty disconnected myself. What I do know is that you're a strong person and you will get through this. Kudos on maintaining 135--that's great considering the injury. Sending you cyber hugs and best wishes for a speedy recovery.

P.S. Hope you had a nice Easter.



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KAILYNSTAR 4/26/2011 4:13PM

    If only I could reach the distance and give you a hug. A heartmelting hug of sympathy and understanding.

Recovery will be slow. We will be here for you.

Take care.

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ZANNACHAN 4/23/2011 12:59AM

    *Hugs* But you will recover and you will be able to run again.

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 4/22/2011 7:16PM

    This will not destroy you... it's a season... and it will pass.... glad you're still connecting... hang in there.. I still go back and read your blogs when *I* need encouragement... and hope.. so thank you..
Annie

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COOKWITHME65 4/22/2011 6:26PM

    So glad to hear you are still around. To bad about the surgery thou. Hoping your recovery will go smoothly.

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IONA72 4/22/2011 3:51PM

    Been missing your blogs Jody but glad to know you are still around. Tough times with that leg of yours, but you are wise to listen to your body. You have to consider the long term, imagine if you could never run again?
Happy Easter to you and your family, have a great weekend.
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VW_STEPH 4/22/2011 3:11PM

    Happy Easter. Have a positive weekend =) x

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PARKERB2 4/22/2011 3:08PM

    Sorry your going thru this difficult time. We at Spark are here for you. Have a good day. emoticon

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DEZZIEJAMES 4/22/2011 3:00PM

    I'm sorry you've been dealt this blow of bad news. I find it very wonderful that you are at 135 and maintaining, though. I know it's not what you want right now, though and I am sorry. If there is anything we can do to help, just let us know!!

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Sometimes my own stupidity amazes me...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Ugh.

Sometimes, despite my IQ, I do the most idiotic things. Generally, those idiotic things are born out of stubbornness. I wish there was a pill for that.

My newly fixed knee is now UN-fixed because I didn't listen. My Doctor said I could go back to exercising as long as I avoided pivoting, running, and falling. He even said I could skate as long as I was extremely careful not to fall and I didn't take part in any hitting or play in any games.

(Totally boring to just skate around while everyone else smacks the hell out of one another.)

Sunday, I attended an off-skate practice. It's just as hard. We do everything we do normally, just in bare feet. I had a moment where I knew I was pushing it. I fell running. Snapped a toe on my other foot. Ego kicked in though because usually, I am the fastest runner. That day, I was the slowest so I kicked it up a notch. I didn't do the things that I knew would be painful but still, my leg was shaking and threatening to completely give out. And then my common sense went completely out the window. We were paired up to do a hitting exercise. I was partnered with a girl that I can literally push over with my index finger. I am thinking in my head..."I'll be okay." My H is b*tching at me not to do this exercise(like he had been all night. It was getting on my last nerve). Somehow, the pairs get out of order, and I am suddenly paired with the hardest hitter.

(Helllloooo....that was your cue to go home!)

Hit #1 caused pain. Hit #2 caused the most pain I have ever felt in my life and I have had three kids without drugs. Seriously. I tattoo various parts of my anatomy for fun and sleep through it but this pain made me pass out.

My new ACL that was just screwed into my knee weeks ago, tore out of my knee and my shin snapped. So gross. The most disgusting feeling ever. I made a mess of my leg. There goes my plans for running the Manitoba Marathon this year. There goes Roller Derby for awhile. All because I was too stubborn to listen.

I was really blessed to have a fabulous doctor at the ER. Waiting lists to even see the surgeon here are months long. She managed to get me into a Sports Surgeon guy on Monday. He was awesome and he specifically deals with hockey players. He had a custom brace built for me yesterday but unfortunately, he can't fix the damage I did and had to pull some strings to bump me up the line with an orthopedic surgeon. So, this time I am getting a graft from a cadaver(ick). My exercise is limited to walking and cycling. I can no longer wear any tight pants(that's all I have since I lost weight) because my new bionic leg cannot go over my pants. Physio, physio, physio. And they are watching my weight like hawks because any weight gain is going to cause my leg a problem and somehow, that just makes me want to eat, eat, eat.

Ugh.

So frustrated at myself today.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVE2BTHIN2 3/28/2011 6:37PM

    Oh my, that sounded sooooo painful! Sending get well wishes and healing vibes your way!

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 3/24/2011 7:18PM

    ohhhh Jody... I'm sorry... really... I am... and yet? somehow I still celebrate your living of your life... it brings me great joy to see you doing it BIG.. so, you've screwed your knee.. at least you did it LIVING!!!
Annie

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ZANNACHAN 3/24/2011 4:06PM

    Oh no! That really, really sucks!

I think everyone has made mistakes like that--you are not alone. But now you need to concentrate on getting better.


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ZANNACHAN 3/24/2011 4:06PM

    Oh no! That really, really sucks!

I think everyone has made mistakes like that--you are not alone. But now you need to concentrate on getting better.


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GATOR12 3/24/2011 4:01PM

    Oh, my, your stubbornness has cost you again. Sorry you have to learn things the hard way!! (Like me) Try to get re-repaired and heal quick as you can.

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KAILYNSTAR 3/24/2011 11:31AM

    Oh S#$%!

Jody, you poor girl. You're going to be kicking yourself for a long time. Nothing worse than "I told you so" from people that were harping at you not to.

I'm so sorry what happened to you. I guess from reading this, I will take from it, Let the ego go!

I really hope that you will heal properly from all this.

Take care.

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I.M.MAGIC 3/24/2011 11:30AM

    Ooooh. Well, we all have our moments. Thankfully, we can learn from them. I'll bet you're taking extra good care of this NEW knee, right? LOL

I know,seems odd to laugh, but for me it makes a whole lot more sense than crying, right?

You and I have a lot in common, personality-wise. Someone tells me what to do and I want to RUN NOT WALK in the opposite direction! LOL

I think some of the others are right... patience isn't my strong suit either, but life is full of opportunities to practice. I still have issues with it myself from time to time... but I'm learning. And I'm learning to LISTEN... to those who care about me and to my own body. It does tell me what I need to know... like you, I've often been too stubborn, and didn't want to hear it! LOL

This time around, just remember, healing has it's own pace that has nothing to do with you, but IT'S going to dictate how far and how fast you go! Let it. I found out the hard way that it's all right to let someone/something else have control once in a while. It doesn't change who I am or make me weak to acknowledge that and let it go... I am learning to keep in mind that sometimes limitations create a greater--and surprisingly more satisfying-- challenge for me to meet.

Keep visualizing where you want to be, imagine how it will feel when it's all back to 'normal'--or better--or different... and do what it takes to get where you want or need to be, no matter how long it may seem to you.

You've been given a gift--another opportunity to live and to grow!
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Kathy emoticon

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C0NV3RSEL0V3 3/24/2011 11:15AM

    This made my stomach turn a little :/ I can't say I wouldn't have done the same though. Sometimes a bruised ego is worse than real bruises for me. Take THIS recovery slow (!!) and here's a za recipe for you that I eat at pretty much every dinner. Low-cal and satisfies the need to eat, eat, eat since it tastes sinful ;)

1 Flat Out flat bread in Italian Herb
Spread 2-3 Tbs of Prego Heart Right Traditional Sauce on flat bread
Season sauce with a dash of garlic salt, oregano and basil
Top with 1/3 cup of part skim mozzarella cheese
Add one cut-up slice of 97% fat free ham and pineapple tidbits in 100% real juice
Add chopped onions (and any other veggies you want)
Bake at 350 degrees for 18-25 minutes (depending on desired crispiness)

Eat and enjoy for only 320-ish calories!

Hope your recovery is quick and pain free!
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PASSIONATETIGER 3/24/2011 10:47AM

    Impatient is more like it.

Practice just being patient, on the breath, on gratitude that you can heal and will get back to life as you know/love it. Inhale. Patience.

We all get in our own way. It's a judgment thing, not an intellectual thing. But then, you do know that.

My self criticism gets me in more trouble than any poor judgment. Easy there, girl!

the p tiger

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SKYEPHOENIX 3/24/2011 10:29AM

    Oh dear...when I first saw your title I thought 'You're SO not stupid!' Then I read your blog...ummm...still wouldn't use the word stupid....but stubborn is a good fit. Silly girl! I'm so sorry that happened--never a dull moment for you, eh? emoticon

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COOKWITHME65 3/24/2011 10:14AM

    So sorry to hear this. Sounds so painful. It's a bummer about the marathon but there will be others.

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XPHOENIX 3/24/2011 10:13AM

    Lesson learned... I dont think (after this) that there will be a "next time" for that to happen.You're strong and tough, you dont have to prove it anymore... anyone that knows you, sees it and believes it. Sometimes it takes a stronger person to do what they are told and sit on the sidelines.... Take care of you and stay off of the cookies! Your health and strength are the most important. Thinking of you. XOXO

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PUNZIE73 3/24/2011 10:10AM

    OUCH! Wow, I hurt for you. While I tend to be somewhat allergic to pain, I sometimes will have a self-mutilation day where I just fall, trip and run full-on into things, like walls, cars and other people. You may not want to be near my if you're trying to heal. Feel better.


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FITTINGIN130 3/24/2011 10:08AM

    Ouch Jody, sending positive energy your way and keeping my fingers crossed for a speedy recovery.

Take care of yourself!!

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