Friday, March 14, 2014
If you've been reading my stuff this week, you know I fell off the wagon last weekend and have been working hard to get back on track this week. When you have a goal of losing 2 pounds a week, and instead you GAIN 3 pounds from 2 days of overeating and skipping workouts, it makes it rather difficult to reach the weekly goal!
So last Saturday I was down to 128.5. Now I'm happy to be down to 128! That is my lowest weight EVER in my adult life. Ever!
As long as my weight doesn't go UP tomorrow, for our Biggest Loser weigh-in, I'll be happy with whatever it says. I'd sure like to see another loss -- 127 would be nice -- but I have to be realistic.
I'm 8 pounds from goal. 120 has been my goal since I was pregnant with our youngest son (14 years ago!!!). I was overweight to begin with and then hugely pregnant, and I knew as soon as I had that baby, I was going to work hard to lose weight. That's a story for another day, but suffice to say I did work hard to lose a lot of weight, and then gained back 25 pounds. And that's when I got REALLY SERIOUS about losing it for real, 3 years ago. And here I am now.
As difficult as this has been losing the last 10 pounds, the thought has crossed my mind that maybe, just maybe, 120 isn't going to be possible for me. It is, after all, just a number. I realize that. At this point, all I can do is keep working on losing fat, getting stronger, becoming a faster runner, eating light..... If the magic number is 125 or whatever, I don't care. I just know I have a ways to go. So I keep working on it!
Thanks for reading! I want you to know how much I appreciate all of my Spark friends who read and offer their words of encouragement and advice and humor and friendship. This is the BEST support system!!!!!
Thursday, March 13, 2014
After my piggy weekend, I've been working hard this week to keep my calories in range. It's not easy. 1200 calories is not a lot of food. But I'm doing it!
Yesterday I knew that my boss was bringing a cheesecake to work. He makes extraordinary cheesecakes. Do I deprive myself? Just say no? That's one possibility. Having an entire piece was NOT a possibility. That would throw off my calories for the day. I'm so not eating a piece of cheesecake and then skipping a meal to compensate. And I didn't want to completely skip it, because it's such a rare and wonderful treat. And so I compromised. I cut off a small piece -- a very small piece that gave me two small bites. It was so, so, so, so, soooOOOOO good! I tracked it, giving my best guess.
For me, that was successful eating. You can have a treat. Budget for it, plan for it, don't let it derail you.
I've taken the other paths before. Depriving myself of a treat sometimes works. I don't have the lunchtime cookie anymore, and I don't really miss it. Now, the days when they have carrot cake or peanut butter bars instead of cookies... ugh, I do miss those desserts! But, again, that would jeopardize dinner or blow my calorie count for the day. My piggy weekend reminded me it's not good to go wildly overboard in calories. Maybe for me to be successful at weight loss and eventually maintenance, indulging will mean letting myself eat at the top of my range (1550). An extra 300 calories would be quite the treat!
BTW, I'm sick of hearing it takes 3500 calories to gain a pound. BS. Even over my piggy weekend, I didn't consume an extra 3500 calories. And yet my weight spiked up 3 pounds. After 3 days of eating right and working out A LOT, my weight still isn't back to where it was before the piggy weekend. So whether I gained some fat or my intestines are jammed up with all that food, I sure did gain! Basically it's not a good idea to overindulge when you're trying to lose weight. (Just throwing that out there in case you didn't already know that...)
Saturday, March 08, 2014
Now that the triathlon is done, I'm back to walking on the indoor track on my non-running days. Since our weather is still so crappy, the gym is busy these days. And this leads me to confess to you something I'm not proud of: I've got a bit of road rage on the track. (Which is odd… I don't even get road rage on the road!)
I'm a fast walker. Even in my heavier days, I could walk pretty fast. It's hard for me to walk slowly, even on non-exercise walks, like when I'm out shopping. I want to get from Point A to Point B, no dillydallying. And if it's an exercise walk, I'm there to burn calories! Let's move!
Now, I realize there are people of all abilities and fitness levels using our track. I get that. Still, a small part of me is thinking "Why are you bothering to walk if you're going to stroll along like a snail?" But I have come to realize that everyone has their story, and I don't know any of them! Maybe they're recovering from surgery. Maybe they are suffering in some invisible way, and a slow walk is really good therapy for them.
That reminds me of the first time I went for a walk after my dad passed away. This was just a week or two later, and I was so weak and shaken. My body longed to get outside and move a little, but I could barely move. I'm sure it was the slowest walk I've ever done.
So I catch myself getting annoyed by the slow walkers and have to stop myself and remind myself that their pace is their business.
One night I kept passing a pair of teenage girls. I was mildly annoyed until I told myself this was a great activity for them. They obviously weren't there for exercise, but still it was a good, healthy activity for them. They were chatting and moving, and that beats a lot of other options!
What it boils down to is not so much their pace that is annoying me, but the fact that I have to keep passing them, and they often take up so much of the track. The way our track is designed, there’s a walking lane and a running lane. A sign is posted to not walk more than two side-by-side. If you walk closely with your walking buddy, you can fit in the walking lane. But lots of these slow walkers are not considerate of others on the track. They don't leave much room for others (ME!) to pass them. What bugs me, especially, is when two are walking side-by-side, partly into the running lane, and I have to get into the running lane to pass them. But there are also runners out there, so I have to make sure I'm not blocking THEIR way when I pass the slow pokes!
Ah… this will all get better when the weather warms up. More of us will do our walks outside -- I know I will!
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
Last night I went to the Y after work, as usual. I worked out hard, as usual. I came home and had a light supper, as usual. And I was feeling mildly sad about food. I miss food.
I miss eating good food for the sheer pleasure of it. I mean, I still eat good food, and I savor it. But ... well, I guess this is what it comes down to if you want to be thin. I think I'm missing the careless eating. Sitting down to a meal and eating all I want without the obsessive calorie counting. This is a bit schizophrenic. I have enjoyed the obsession, but for some reason yesterday I felt so sick of it!
I wondered if maybe I was overdue for some small treat, just to stop me feeling deprived. But then I remembered some recent small treats I've had. I'm not deprived. The thing is, everything is SMALL. I think I'm missing the total abandon of just having a big, delicious something.
Lately I've caught myself thinking things like: When I reach my goals, I'm going to ..... (basically eat something I haven't had in a while). I sure don't want to instantly gain back the weight. But ... is that okay to have a little indulgence? I'm struggling with this right now. I mean, thin people do overindulge now and then. As long as you're not overindulging day after day after day, it should be okay, right? I've joked with some friends that when I win this Biggest Loser Challenge, I'm going to make a carrot cake that we all love. One piece: 600 calories.
Maintenance will be a tough new challenge for me. Mentally, I don't think I'm there yet.
I'm 9 pounds from goal. Our Biggest Loser Finale is a little over a month away. So... I need to keep doing what I've been doing. Lots of exercise and keep on obsessively tracking food!
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