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When a Half Pound Feels HUGE

Friday, March 14, 2014

If you've been reading my stuff this week, you know I fell off the wagon last weekend and have been working hard to get back on track this week. When you have a goal of losing 2 pounds a week, and instead you GAIN 3 pounds from 2 days of overeating and skipping workouts, it makes it rather difficult to reach the weekly goal!

So last Saturday I was down to 128.5. Now I'm happy to be down to 128! That is my lowest weight EVER in my adult life. Ever!

As long as my weight doesn't go UP tomorrow, for our Biggest Loser weigh-in, I'll be happy with whatever it says. I'd sure like to see another loss -- 127 would be nice -- but I have to be realistic.

I'm 8 pounds from goal. 120 has been my goal since I was pregnant with our youngest son (14 years ago!!!). I was overweight to begin with and then hugely pregnant, and I knew as soon as I had that baby, I was going to work hard to lose weight. That's a story for another day, but suffice to say I did work hard to lose a lot of weight, and then gained back 25 pounds. And that's when I got REALLY SERIOUS about losing it for real, 3 years ago. And here I am now.

As difficult as this has been losing the last 10 pounds, the thought has crossed my mind that maybe, just maybe, 120 isn't going to be possible for me. It is, after all, just a number. I realize that. At this point, all I can do is keep working on losing fat, getting stronger, becoming a faster runner, eating light..... If the magic number is 125 or whatever, I don't care. I just know I have a ways to go. So I keep working on it!

Thanks for reading! I want you to know how much I appreciate all of my Spark friends who read and offer their words of encouragement and advice and humor and friendship. This is the BEST support system!!!!!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNYAGENYA 3/15/2014 9:02AM

    Way to go! Keep up the good work.

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/14/2014 10:22PM

    That is sound thinking.

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JACKIE542 3/14/2014 7:49PM

    emoticon emoticon

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THINANDFITEMILY 3/14/2014 5:06PM

    Your head is in a good place with this! I know you will get there and you will know where there is!

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CAPECODBABE 3/14/2014 3:48PM

    emoticon You are so close emoticon

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KALIGIRL 3/14/2014 9:18AM

    emoticon the numbers on the scale are just that - numbers.
The important thing is how you feel and how your clothes fit.
I remember having this discussion in the Maintenance team once I hit 'goal'. We decided our bodies 'knew' when they hit a 'home' range.
emoticon journey my friend - you are doing emoticon

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An AHA Cheesecake Moment

Thursday, March 13, 2014

After my piggy weekend, I've been working hard this week to keep my calories in range. It's not easy. 1200 calories is not a lot of food. But I'm doing it!

Yesterday I knew that my boss was bringing a cheesecake to work. He makes extraordinary cheesecakes. Do I deprive myself? Just say no? That's one possibility. Having an entire piece was NOT a possibility. That would throw off my calories for the day. I'm so not eating a piece of cheesecake and then skipping a meal to compensate. And I didn't want to completely skip it, because it's such a rare and wonderful treat. And so I compromised. I cut off a small piece -- a very small piece that gave me two small bites. It was so, so, so, so, soooOOOOO good! I tracked it, giving my best guess.

For me, that was successful eating. You can have a treat. Budget for it, plan for it, don't let it derail you.

I've taken the other paths before. Depriving myself of a treat sometimes works. I don't have the lunchtime cookie anymore, and I don't really miss it. Now, the days when they have carrot cake or peanut butter bars instead of cookies... ugh, I do miss those desserts! But, again, that would jeopardize dinner or blow my calorie count for the day. My piggy weekend reminded me it's not good to go wildly overboard in calories. Maybe for me to be successful at weight loss and eventually maintenance, indulging will mean letting myself eat at the top of my range (1550). An extra 300 calories would be quite the treat!

BTW, I'm sick of hearing it takes 3500 calories to gain a pound. BS. Even over my piggy weekend, I didn't consume an extra 3500 calories. And yet my weight spiked up 3 pounds. After 3 days of eating right and working out A LOT, my weight still isn't back to where it was before the piggy weekend. So whether I gained some fat or my intestines are jammed up with all that food, I sure did gain! Basically it's not a good idea to overindulge when you're trying to lose weight. (Just throwing that out there in case you didn't already know that...)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACKIE542 3/13/2014 11:44PM

    It really does get annoying, guess our bodies have a mind all its own. I often thought about those 3500 calories, and wondered why I was gaining when I did not eat that much, always thought it was my metabolism. I do think you did really good on the cheesecake, by having a small piece. good job!! emoticon

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CAROL_31649731 3/13/2014 12:13PM

    You really said a mouthful! I totally agreed . . . no rhyme or reason sometimes. But kudos for your self-control and for going ahead treating yourself to a small portion, period! You deserved it! Because I agree--it's not a good idea to deprive ourselves completely. You're doing great!!! emoticon emoticon

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KNYAGENYA 3/13/2014 11:01AM

    Weight is weird. I never know what will cause mine to go up.

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/13/2014 10:18AM

    I think that was a good plan. It's really hard to eat at 1200 (in that 1200-1550 range). I found that 1400 was a good "In between" number that allowed good WL without feeling totally deprived.

I have always believed that those weight jumps after "pigging out" (not 3500 calories worth) are related to the extra sodium, etc.). But I think it's also change. When I went into maintenance I was surprised to read that I couldn't just change calories to the amount needed to sustain the new weight, as in switch right to that number from the 1200-1550 range. I had to do it slowly over a couple months, adding in 50 calories for a few weeks, and then another 50. So this is probably all related.

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KALIGIRL 3/13/2014 9:21AM

    emoticon Definitely SUCCESSFUL eating - savoring and staying within range.
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Track Rage

Saturday, March 08, 2014

Now that the triathlon is done, I'm back to walking on the indoor track on my non-running days. Since our weather is still so crappy, the gym is busy these days. And this leads me to confess to you something I'm not proud of: I've got a bit of road rage on the track. (Which is odd… I don't even get road rage on the road!)

I'm a fast walker. Even in my heavier days, I could walk pretty fast. It's hard for me to walk slowly, even on non-exercise walks, like when I'm out shopping. I want to get from Point A to Point B, no dillydallying. And if it's an exercise walk, I'm there to burn calories! Let's move!

Now, I realize there are people of all abilities and fitness levels using our track. I get that. Still, a small part of me is thinking "Why are you bothering to walk if you're going to stroll along like a snail?" But I have come to realize that everyone has their story, and I don't know any of them! Maybe they're recovering from surgery. Maybe they are suffering in some invisible way, and a slow walk is really good therapy for them.

That reminds me of the first time I went for a walk after my dad passed away. This was just a week or two later, and I was so weak and shaken. My body longed to get outside and move a little, but I could barely move. I'm sure it was the slowest walk I've ever done.

So I catch myself getting annoyed by the slow walkers and have to stop myself and remind myself that their pace is their business.

One night I kept passing a pair of teenage girls. I was mildly annoyed until I told myself this was a great activity for them. They obviously weren't there for exercise, but still it was a good, healthy activity for them. They were chatting and moving, and that beats a lot of other options!

What it boils down to is not so much their pace that is annoying me, but the fact that I have to keep passing them, and they often take up so much of the track. The way our track is designed, there’s a walking lane and a running lane. A sign is posted to not walk more than two side-by-side. If you walk closely with your walking buddy, you can fit in the walking lane. But lots of these slow walkers are not considerate of others on the track. They don't leave much room for others (ME!) to pass them. What bugs me, especially, is when two are walking side-by-side, partly into the running lane, and I have to get into the running lane to pass them. But there are also runners out there, so I have to make sure I'm not blocking THEIR way when I pass the slow pokes!

Ah… this will all get better when the weather warms up. More of us will do our walks outside -- I know I will!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THETURTLEBEAR 3/8/2014 2:26PM

    I don't want to read about you in the paper, LOL!
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"Woman arrested due to track rage! Details on page 3."

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JACKIE542 3/8/2014 12:14PM

    emoticon I understand this, sure hope it warms up soon!

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HAPPYMENOW58 3/8/2014 10:49AM

    boy..can I relate to this blog today!

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KALIGIRL 3/8/2014 9:37AM

    Here's to Awareness of ourselves and others - so glad you are keeping up with your emoticon

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ESSENCE24 3/8/2014 8:59AM

    Not everyone is considerate, of others just take deep breaths it will be warm soon!

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THINANDFITEMILY 3/8/2014 8:58AM

    I have problems like this in the pool with sharing lanes with inconsideRATS emoticon . I swim pretty fast. I have yet to join again and I think this is why-
Too bad you can't just walk right through! emoticon vooosh!

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KNYAGENYA 3/8/2014 8:51AM

    Warm weather will be here soon.

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Missing Food

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Last night I went to the Y after work, as usual. I worked out hard, as usual. I came home and had a light supper, as usual. And I was feeling mildly sad about food. I miss food.

I miss eating good food for the sheer pleasure of it. I mean, I still eat good food, and I savor it. But ... well, I guess this is what it comes down to if you want to be thin. I think I'm missing the careless eating. Sitting down to a meal and eating all I want without the obsessive calorie counting. This is a bit schizophrenic. I have enjoyed the obsession, but for some reason yesterday I felt so sick of it!

I wondered if maybe I was overdue for some small treat, just to stop me feeling deprived. But then I remembered some recent small treats I've had. I'm not deprived. The thing is, everything is SMALL. I think I'm missing the total abandon of just having a big, delicious something.

Lately I've caught myself thinking things like: When I reach my goals, I'm going to ..... (basically eat something I haven't had in a while). I sure don't want to instantly gain back the weight. But ... is that okay to have a little indulgence? I'm struggling with this right now. I mean, thin people do overindulge now and then. As long as you're not overindulging day after day after day, it should be okay, right? I've joked with some friends that when I win this Biggest Loser Challenge, I'm going to make a carrot cake that we all love. One piece: 600 calories.

Maintenance will be a tough new challenge for me. Mentally, I don't think I'm there yet.

I'm 9 pounds from goal. Our Biggest Loser Finale is a little over a month away. So... I need to keep doing what I've been doing. Lots of exercise and keep on obsessively tracking food!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 3/5/2014 9:14AM

    What worked for me might not work for you, but I learned to love the foods I ate while loosing weight - think my body changed because when I 'treated' myself to emoticon and emoticon I was not only lethargic, but suffered indigestion...

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JUJUMILLER 3/4/2014 9:57PM

    I completely agree with you!
I am on the cusp of maintenance and am struggling with that too.
All I can do is take one day at a time, and not beat myself up over it!


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PIPPIDY 3/4/2014 2:46PM

    So excited for you being so close to goal! You're definitely not alone in either the missing food. Though they say staying fit is much easier than getting fit, I'm sure it's hard not to get cocky & overdo it. At least you'll still have the SPARK to come back to & we'll be with you every step of the way! emoticon

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JACKIE542 3/4/2014 2:17PM

    I had to change my whole way of thinking about food, I had to stop thinking about it, it was the only way for me.
I was the worlds worst eater too, never reward myself with food. I have chosen the holidays to indulge now and I don't really do that, the full feeling seems to make me sick now.
Every person has a different way of doing things, keep working on it, maybe a hobby, instead of exercising all the time. I take pictures that has been tons of fun, my gardening keeps me busy and keep my mind off of food too. emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/4/2014 11:15AM

    I think the big difference between those of us who have to work hard at this, and those who are "naturally thin" is the balance. It's not that it's so bad if we have a decadent treat, but that we usually have the decadent treat after the decadent meal, do it regularl...all the while feeling that feeling we used to associate with a great meal - a firm pushing on our belly wall, from the inside out. So it's a lot of retraining, like learning that the "full feeling" isn't really a good thing. It's having the decadent treat on a day when we are careful about everything else. Or having the decadent meal but only eating half and saving the rest. Maintenance is about being vigilant and unfortunately some things are automatic but some require regular "review" or else it's easy to slip back into old habits.

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LISASGONNADOIT 3/4/2014 11:04AM

    My feeling ... have the piece of carrot cake and allot your calories for the day and get in a good workout. emoticon emoticon emoticon Moderation is key! You can do it!

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KNYAGENYA 3/4/2014 10:26AM

    You can do it. What about making carrot cake cupcakes?

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ESSENCE24 3/4/2014 9:22AM

    How about researching a low calorie carrot cake recipe instead , that way you get to indulge but without all the extra calories don't think of it as missing out, think of it as a heathy replacement why reach our goal to risk losing it for a slice of rich carrot cake it takes awhile for your brain to re focus and consider this new heathy way of eating normal, I am 100 pounds over weight so I know what it's like to want to taste what I ate in the past but can we really control our indulgence ? If so how did we get here? I know you can do it !!! Keep striving for a heathy way of life !

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Race Report

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Yesterday I ran a treadmill 5-K. I'm doing this every couple weeks and expect to see slight progress each time. It's hard going though, man!

My previous time was 36:43. This time was 36:01. So that's progress. But... I would so love to get closer to 30 minutes. During the run, I feel like I'm working about as hard as I can. I mean, I don't want to finish the thing and croak, you know? So I guess making gradual improvements is about as good as it gets for now!

I only took one walk break. And I could've done without it except my nose was running like mad. I walked for about a minute and a half.

The rest of the time I was running at a 5-5.5 pace. I felt like 5.2 was my comfortable pace, but I finished the last 5 minutes at 5.5. I had a drill sergeant in my head giving me some tough talk: DO YOU WANT TO BE FASTER OR NOT?!

My first "real" race (with other people! outside!) is end of April. My goal is to beat my best official 5-K time, which was 33:11.

So I'll continue training, making progress.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLRWILLIAMS25 3/3/2014 11:40AM

    emoticon That's a decent amount or time to shave off!

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PIPPIDY 3/2/2014 1:11PM

    emoticon Races are SO MUCH FUN (especially the themed ones)! I'm just starting to work on my timing as well. It's hard to push yourself, but you sound like you've got a GREAT plan! emoticon emoticon

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IAMBIZI 3/2/2014 12:45PM

    That is awesome! you are doing great! good for you!
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JACKIE542 3/2/2014 12:08PM

    I did a 5k walk today and tried to improve my time. I am still a slow poke, so I guess I will will keep trying.
You are doing really well, keep up the good work emoticon

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SUSIE505 3/2/2014 11:11AM

    Oh you inspire me I want to do a 5k this summer. Would like to run it but will settle for power walk. With my weight and bad knee it will be more like a really fast walk. emoticon

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LISASGONNADOIT 3/2/2014 11:03AM

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