Sunday, November 04, 2012
Today I went shopping for, among other things, knee-high black boots. I tried a bunch of different stores and wasn't having any luck. Either the fit wasn't quite right or the price was too high. In the last store I tried, I had a super helpful salesclerk. She gave me fashion advice and brought me different boots that I had overlooked.
I told her what I had in mind. She looked at the boots I tried on and said they were way too roomy in the calf. She said, and I quote, "You have really thin calves." She hustled to the backroom to find something slimmer in the calves while I sat there, marveling that anyone had called me thin ANYWHERE. Me? Thin calves? ME? Is it possible that I'm... THIN?!?!?!?!
While I basked in the glory of potential real-time thinness, I overheard my helpful sales associate consult with another associate. She said, and I paraphrase here: "Can you help me? She's trying to find boots, but we need something really narrow in the calf."
I'm sorry, but this is killing me. I don't have thin anything. Except, okay, truth be told, I have abnormally bony-looking ankles.
So I'm sitting there contemplating how thin my calves are (who knew?!) when ever-so-slowly a thought enters my mind. What else could explain these abnormally small calves?
I'd rather tell a story that is just that -- oooh, lucky thin-calved me. All my hard work paid off and now I'm thin! Woohoo! But no... It doesn't work out that way. Not yet. (Someday I will tell a "Woohoo! I'm Thin!" story.)
The revelation hit me. What else could explain why all these boots are gaping around my calves? Something to do with the proportion..... Oh yeah! My ginormous feet! OH YEAH! I have a bit of a complex about my ginormous feet, which are by all accounts waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long in proportion to my height. So naturally all these boot makers assume that if you have ginormous feet, you must be a tall woman with the larger proportions to fit that BIG FOOT. No, not me. Just big feet, average height.
I got such a chuckle out of this. OMG. I'm still laughing.