Thursday, June 19, 2014
Yesterday I had the thing at work that I was totally dreading. I taught an online class. I've never done anything like this and pretty much NEVER EVER EVER do public speaking. I can get pretty tongue-tied. Deer in headlights.
But I agreed to do this when I was asked two months ago. And I thought, "This is so good for me!" Ha... Yes, I knew it would be good for me career-wise and personal-growth-wise if it went well. If not... well, let's not go there.
So I prepared. A lot. I actually felt pretty good about the whole thing until I did a run-through with a colleague. I wanted some practice and any suggestions for improvement. However, this guy gave me so many suggestions on everything I was saying and doing that it really rattled my confidence. I had to step back and realize that he was trying to be helpful. He's just a real "take charge" kind of person who loves to hear himself talk. I took some of his suggestions and left the rest. It wasn't like I had time to go back to the drawing board. It was my presentation, after all, and it had to flow naturally for me.
So, long story short, I did the class yesterday, and it went just fine. Once I got into it, I got over that heightened fear sensation and was able to just talk through the whole thing naturally. This is HUGE for me. I have a history of panic attacks, so being able to overcome that and function like a normal person makes me SOOOOOO HAPPY!
We have part 2 of the class today, and I know it will be just fine now. Remember that part in Harry Potter where he is able to cast a Patronus because he knew that he already had? He saw himself do it when he had time-traveled back, and he thought it was his dad, but really it was himself. That says so much to me about the importance of confidence. If you believe that you can, you can.
To be honest, trying to build my confidence back up, I reminded myself that I never thought I could run either. And I proved that I could do it. Running has been such a confidence builder for me!!
Ok, that's all for now. I just had to share my success story with you. Thanks for your supportive comments and positive vibes! I really appreciate them!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Summer is way too short! With our cold start to summer and school getting out so late, it is just now starting to feel like summer. I tell ya what, I'm taking a day or two off as soon as I get this class done. I feel like I need to kick back and enjoy the great outdoors.
Last night I went for a long, fast walk and found a little stray dog along the way. I stopped and tried to find the owner, and contemplated keeping the little dog myself -- he was a little sweetie! Eventually the owner drove up -- she was frantically searching for him. He didn't have a collar or tags. The topic of getting a second dog keeps coming up around here. Maybe.....
Today is a stretch and strengthen day for me, according to the half marathon training plan I'm following. On my last S&S day, I didn't do a whole lot -- maybe 20 minutes. So I'm thinking I need to come up with something a little more rigorous.
Monday, June 16, 2014
I'm happy to report that I stuck with my goals yesterday!
I ran 3 miles. It was windy and humid, and so my pace was slower. I listen to RunKeeper updates while I run, so I knew my pace was slower than it felt. I tried to push a little harder, but somehow couldn't get much faster. I'm not used to running outside, in heat, so I'm assuming that's what was slowing me down.
By the end of the day I was at 1506 calories! I was so excited about that, because I didn't feel deprived or hungry. Then my husband and son got home from being gone all day, and he made a late supper. Hamburgers. I'm not a big meat eater. He's been experimenting with adding all kinds of flavor to hamburgers lately -- really spicing them up. And boy, did they smell good! So when my son offered me the last few bites of his burger (he was full), I didn't resist. Yum! And that put me over in calories by 20 again. Oh well.
My weight is down 2.5 from the high a few days ago. Thank God. I never ever ever wanted to see 130 again. Jee I guess I have to actually DO something about that other than want it. Eat right. Exercise. Yup yup yup.
The other "news" I should probably just get out of my system is that I have a thing coming up at work that I am absolutely dreading. Let's be honest. When the opportunity came up to teach an online class, I said yes, despite the fact that I have never done anything like this and I have a massive performance anxiety issues. I thought, "This will be good for me!" etc... And it will... if it goes well :) I have 2 more days to practice and prepare.
Any advice or encouragement about overcoming fears and faking confidence would be much appreciated!!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
I have one good day under my belt (yesterday) and am feeling better about my ability to get back on track.
I played tennis with my son yesterday AND did stretching and strengthening (according my half marathon training plan) AND ate well. I was over by 20 calories, but I'm NOT gonna sweat 20 calories. 20 is forgivable! LOL
Keep my eating in the good range
Run 3 miles
Clean the house
Run some errands
Spend some quality time with the fam!
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!
Thinking of my dad today, I feel so blessed to have had a wonderful father... so many wonderful memories..... Miss you, Dad!!!!!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
A person can only lie to themselves so long before the truth catches up to them. I felt like I was doing okay with eating whatever I want, without being too terribly piggish about it, and without gaining weight. I was only 3 pounds over my Biggest Loser finale weight. And I was getting back into a good running routine.
And then, ever so gradually, the scale caught up with me. You can't eat like that and maintain or lose weight! Can't!
My weight this morning was a rude awakening. I HAVE TO track my food, and I HAVE TO keep my calories in check, or I WILL gain back all the weight I worked so hard to lose! I keep saying that.................. For two months now I've been struggling to find the balance -- somewhere between obsessively light eating and all out piggishness. There HAS TO be a middle ground! [INSERT SWEAR WORDS HERE]
Ok, got that off my chest.
I can do this.
I will do this.
I am not giving up.
I am starting a half marathon training plan.
And the biggie................ my biggest struggle: I WILL KEEP MY CALORIES UNDER MY SPARKPEOPLE -RECOMMENDED MAXIMUM.
Stop with all the little lies! "Oh this one little treat doesn't matter." Trouble is that it's not just one and it's not so little!
STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!
Ok, pardon my little rant. Just had to come clean so I can start fresh.
No more excuses and no more self-comforting LIES!
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