JMWISWELL   1,787
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Refocusing

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Hello - welcome, welcome to my first SparkPeople blog!

After a tough freshman year, I ended up losing 26 pounds. I know the number exactly because when I got my physical before leaving for school the first time, at the end of August 2011, I weight 160 pounds exactly. This August, I weighed in at 134, with a healthy BMI of 21. YAY ME!

I accomplished this pretty easily - by not having any friends to eat with in the cafeteria. Sad, but true. I ate a lot in my room - apples, bananas, yogurt, cereal - and the occasional meal at the cafeteria with my roommate, and rather too often skipping meals. It was *not* all that unhealthy, except maybe mentally.

In the beginning of my second semester, I decided to make a change. I had seen a few pounds disappear (really, at this point, probably about 5) and took it upon myself to begin working out. I started counting calories, using SparkPeople videos to work out in my dorm room, using some of my mom's "Walk Away the Pounds," and my favorite "The Step" videos - sometimes 4 or 5 times a week with the same video - I began to lose weight. My boyfriend noticed, my mom noticed, and most of all - I noticed.

After spring break, I went for my first run. I ran for 13 minutes straight - I couldn't believe it. Almost every day after that, I ran. At first, I set time goals. I would run for 15 minutes, then 20, then 25, and by the end of the year, I was running for 30 minutes straight. I never measured distances or anything, I just went. And I loved it. Absolutely, positively adored it. I really think that running kept me sane those last few months of school as I sat alone in my dorm room, praying for the weekend when my boyfriend would come visit or my mom would come pick me up to go home.

When I would go home, I started to weigh myself. 147?! Sweet! 142 the next time I was home. That first time I was 138, I couldn't believe it. When I got home for the summer, I weight 136.4 pounds. I stayed that way most of the summer, but I kept working out, ran my first 5k, ate a lot of salads (and a lot of snacks,) and most of all, felt healthy, happy, and successful.

I ended up transferring schools to be with some of my good friends and my boyfriend. I am three weeks into the new school year, and so far everything is wonderful. Beyond wonderful. Perfect, I would say. My new roommate is a little crazy and I wish I was living off campus like most second year students, but otherwise - perfection.

Oh, wait. There is one more thing: my new issue with food.

Towards the end of the summer, I read a book called "Eat the Food you Love, Love the Food you Eat." It is a whole book devoted to get people off the "diet mentality" which is what I wanted, and back to the "eat because you need food to survive," mentality. For the first week and a half after I read it - it worked. I would eat what I wanted, as much as I wanted, until I was full. I based my eating habits off my belly and my mind and I felt, for once, completely normal. 100% like a normal human being eating for necessity, not for pleasure. In fact, after I read that book, I lost 3 more pounds.

And then I came to college.

I eat a lot of meals with my boyfriend, so he'll share some of his pizza, some of his cookie. My roommate shares her oatmeal cream pies and chocolate. My friends share their beer, their chips, their brownies. I eat 2-3 meals a day, don't snack very often, but my calorie intake, at least in my head, has skyrocketed. I think about food all the time, I sneak food, I hide food, I am obsessed with it.

Something that I had finally gotten away from.

I have been worried about it for the past three weeks, and make conscious decisions. Not eating Cody's pizza crust, only ice cream once a week, yada, yada, yada.

This morning, I had a good breakfast of eggs, veggies, and an orange.

I came back to the room and did homework, and after two hours, had eaten 10 forkfuls of cake that my roommate left in the refrigerator.

Slightly out of control.

I need to refocus, and it is not working by doing it alone in my head and feeling guilty.

So, SparkPeople, I am back. You worked miracles for my last year, and I know that just because I am at a happier place in my life, I do not have to resort back to losing control of my eating.

I do not want to count calories and track work outs forever. I want to get to the place with myself and my body that I know how much to eat, when to eat, and what to eat, as well as balancing mind, body and soul, but apparently I am not there yet.

So I am here.
xoxo,
Jessica

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASHPATCH11 9/15/2012 4:15PM

    Welcome Back! Loved your post!

For myself to...
lose weight - I have to track food and exercise
maintain - I just track food when I get out of hand and I make sure to workout at lest 2-4 times a week. I watch scale daily and when it creeps up I come back here like you!

good work with all that weight lose though good for you!




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