Tuesday, February 15, 2011
One of my "assignments" for this week is to write about my triggers for emotional eating and what I'm going to do about them.
My major stressor right now is my job. I supervise people and for the last two years I have had the boss from Hell. I try to act as a buffer as much as possible between my boss and the people who work for me so that they can do their jobs, but this often means that I throw myself under the bus so to speak in defending them. The nit-picking and micromanagement can be really tough at times, and it's so unpredictable! I just never know what's going to happen.
My boss is also into yoga and meditation and such, but I find it almost laughable that she can be so heartless, needlessly cruel and completely unaware of the negativity that oozes from her every pore. I think she actually does mean well deep down, but when God was handing out empathy and basic civility she must have been off stealing candy from babies. I say it's almost laughable because it is more just really sad for all of us.
All of this being said, I know in my mind that I am not responsible for her actions and I need to take ownership and responsibility for how I deal with this situation. As a middle manager, I am definitely caught between those above me and those below me. It's a delicate dance because I am trying to keep "my" people happy so they can do a good job and at the same time keep my boss happy.
So, this is my reality -- now what am I going to do about it? What I can't do is use this as an excuse to give in to emotional eating -- in other words, "Man Up"! I've actually been pretty good about this. I can feel my stress level elevate just knowing I have to meet with her so I try to take deep breaths, and I sometimes even re-read some of my saved SP articles before I go. Just a reminder that my life is much more than my job and I need to take care of myself is helpful. (It's probably not such a good idea that I consider her my enemy and that if I give in then she wins, but it's working, at least so far).
I am also sure I internalize all of this way too much. I have a habit of hanging on to things that are bothering me and letting them fester. This is the thing that I need to work on the most I think. In this, I could look to my boss as a role model, as annoying as that thought is. She says something hurtful and then she's over it and everything is OK. I need to just live in the moment like she does and not take everything so much to heart. Not everything is earth-shattering or the end of the world. (I guess I should add "Lighten Up!" to "Man Up!")
Ok I'm done, but I don't feel that much better... darn! I'll work on that!