JLPEASE   74,846
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Rock Bottom... I hope so!

Sunday, January 01, 2012

I am ashamed to write this, but I really must make myself accountable, and a new year seems like a good time to clean the slate and start over. So here goes...

I was so busted this morning by my husband. I often buy candy and keep it in my workbag or purse. Then I eat it when I'm alone. Well, I read in bed the other night and decided to whip out the handy dandy box of Milk Duds that I had purchased on one of my post-Xmas shopping forays. Unfortunately, I must have dropped a couple of them in the bedding (How did I miss THOSE?). Anyway, my husband woke up and found that he was stuck to the sheets!! It was tempting to blame the dog and for a few minutes I was afraid it was something other than the candy, if you know what I mean. Then I remembered... I was so embarrassed and ashamed, but there was no way out of a full confession.

I know my husband knows I sneak bad food, but we don't talk about it. Well, it was out in the open at that point and he was great about it. He has a ton of bad habits himself -- drinking too much and smoking -- so he is not judgmental, but he is genuinely concerned about my health.

I know I have a lot of "issues" but like most everything else in my life I tend to over-think, looking for the reasons I got to this point and seeking motivation to get me going, blah blah blah. It's pretty simple really isn't it -- eat less, move more. I think I'm finally sick of hearing myself think!

So here I go again and I give many thanks to the Spark Friends I have for not giving up on me. I can't begin to tell you how much your encouragement means to me.

Happy New Year to all and I hope we all reach our goals this year!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIYOSHI04 1/9/2012 12:38PM

    i think we've all been here, being discovered on something that isnt really talked about but is like the elephant in the room, so to speak.
im glad it was a good talk between your husband and you.

its funny what you said---you think you're sick of hearing yourself think.
thats what ive always said--i just changed it off of my spark page. but losing weight is SO much simpler than thinking about losing weight. it just is. once you decide to do it and thats that, i felt like a huge burden was taken off of me.

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MOSTMOM1 1/7/2012 7:21AM

    Hey, if you have to get busted, at least you can turn it into a funny story later. I'm glad hubs has your back. Never give up, never quit. You can do this; we all can.
emoticon emoticon

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SHERYLDS 1/2/2012 10:27AM

    New Beginnings...New Attitude...New You

Junk doesn't really taste as good as we let ourselves think when we are into eating that garbage. Give yourself time to train your head to see fruits as really sweet. And if you absolutely have to have a sweet stash with you in your purse...maybe try making yourself a VERY small snack pack of raisins and almonds (or something like that).

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MOPPIT 1/1/2012 11:23PM

    Please don't be ashamed. I have done the same thing, too. Eat candy or whatever where my husband won't see. Of course he must know. It is never too late. This is the perfect time for a clean slate! Your health is the most important thing ever...You can do it!!!!

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ILIKECACTI 1/1/2012 6:30PM

    You're not the only one grateful for the clean slate! My husband is also concerned about my health, and I too feel ashamed of some of my eating habits... and somehow I always manage to justify them at the time. Mind games. Anyhoo... yay for a clean slate! We can do it!!!

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REDHEADMOM2U 1/1/2012 5:27PM

    We will never give up on you! YOU never give up on you. Never give up, never give up, never give up!

I made it to 1 pm today before eating something I hadn't intended. I'm not a bad person, I'll just go over my calories for today. I can still lose weight, ykwim??

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CRYSALLIS1 1/1/2012 4:39PM

    How embarrassing of a confession to make. I bet you have allot of company on that habit. Me included emoticon

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So sad for my son...

Sunday, September 25, 2011

My 27 year old son came home to visit today and told me that he and his wife of 3 years were taking a "break". He is heartbroken, but it's been coming for a while. It's been very apparent for a long time that neither one of them was very happy. I think my son would have stuck it out and tried to convince her to go for counseling, but his wife doesn't know what she wants to do so he is moving out for a while. Thank goodness they don't have any children! He has a lot of friends who have offered him a place to stay and his boss and coworkers are being incredibly supportive of him. I'm sure things will turn out how they are supposed to, but it is so hard to see your children unhappy, no matter how old they get. I just wish I could make it all go away.

If there is anything positive about this at all it is that my older son, who lives in CA (we're in Upstate NY) has been such an awesome big brother. For all the years that they fought like crazy I am so happy that they have each other now and are best friends. It's what I always hoped for, but never thought I'd actually see.

I don't think any of us will be getting much sleep tonight.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONFIDENTLY_FIT 9/26/2011 4:31AM

    Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

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GEMINISUE 9/25/2011 10:36PM

    This is very rough, I know!


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THINBUCKEYE 9/25/2011 9:23PM

    So sorry to hear about your son, but glad that he has such a suppportive family (and especially big brother). That's what's going to get him through this difficult time.

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KIYOSHI04 9/25/2011 9:21PM

    you and your family are in my thoughts...

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HOPE2011 9/25/2011 9:17PM


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JMATACZ 9/25/2011 9:06PM

    Your poor family, this is such an awful time for you all. It sounds like you are all very close and supportive of one another and this will probably bring you closer together.

Yes, thank goodness they didn't have children but maybe they will sort it out in the end. All the best!

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Do-Over? No, but I appreciate the offer.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

OK, I've been AWOL for a while, at least from posting. I have been basically tanking for the last two months. I lost 26 pounds pretty quickly and then have slowly been putting it back on. I've been "Sparking" daily, but I have felt like I've been doing this in the 3rd person -- as if all of the information I've received has been referring to somebody else and not me. What's up with that??

I am quite disgusted with myself, but Coach Nicole posted an article recently on 25 things you can do to get yourself back on track. Number 20 is to restart your program. I clicked on the link to do that and it sent me back to my account and I had the option to change anything and everything, resetting SparkPoints and goals included. I was so close to doing just that. Just bag it and start over.

Then I thought, do I really want to throw away everything that I've been struggling with and have a do over? To just erase the history of everything I've been going through as if it never happened? Not to get too philosophical about it, but past experiences are all part of what and who we are and an important part of the journey to where we want to be. It's not always pleasant or kind, but it is what it is.

Maybe most of all I need to not forget about the failures but learn from them instead. I think it will make me appreciate the successes even more. So, although I appreciate the option very much, I'm not taking a do-over.

Instead, I just gave myself a metaphorical "slap upside the head" and told myself to "Snap out of it!"


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIYOSHI04 7/27/2011 9:18AM

    sometimes it is difficult to get back on the track you wish to be on but if anyone can do it, i know you can.

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    My best friend, after allowing me to winge (sounds more grown up than whining) .

"Wow, you are going through a lot, guess you need to put on your big girl panties and deal with it!"

emoticon emoticon

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REDHEADMOM2U 7/26/2011 6:42PM

    Sounds like you are on the right track now! Great!!!

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GEORGIAINVT 7/26/2011 4:33PM


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MARYHAMILTON93 7/26/2011 4:32PM

  emoticon sounds good to me

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Know Thyself

Saturday, May 21, 2011

I had a conversation with a dietitian a few years ago. She gave a talk at my workplace for people who were interested in losing weight. Anyway, she said something that has really stuck with me. She said, you have to be very honest with yourself about what you are willing to do and what you are not and then work with it. What is negotiable and what isn't. She said that if you don't do that you are setting yourself up for discouragement and failure.

For example, I have finally acknowledged that I will never be a morning person and I'm really tired of apologizing for it, since my husband is up at the crack of dawn. I'm hardly coherent until at least 9 am. Therefore, if I made a commitment to get up at 6 am to exercise... well it would never happen or I might be able to do it for a while and be completely miserable, and then I'd get down on myself and quit exercising altogether. For me, this is not negotiable. I am much more awake after work, so that's when I exercise. It might be more productive if I exercised in the morning, but it just ain't happening.

Also, I am amazed by the number of Spark People who exercise 120 minutes a day. Wow! That's not realistic for me either, so I do what I can and try to get at least 30 minutes in every day. That is my commitment.

Same goes with food. I will NOT give up ice cream, cookies, candy, etc. Again, I might be able to do it for a while, but I love these things too much to say I will never eat them again. I'd feel like a failure when I ate one of the things that I love (and believe me I would eat that ice cream eventually). That's just not negotiable. What I WILL do is be accountable for eating these things in terms of portion size and tracking them on my Nutrition Tracker so that I stay within my calorie range.

I think it's important to accept and be happy with ourselves the way we are and use the tools available to us to set realistic goals and priorities. Knowing what I am willing to do and what I'm not willing to do are really important steps and it's probably incredibly different for each of us.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALISWALKER 6/6/2011 1:24PM

    I agree with you accept and be happy with ourselves! If we keep fighting ourselves we not happy and will not stick with it. I had icecream cake at my friend's birthday and loved and recorded it too.

Have a great week!

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MAMASUDS 5/30/2011 1:24AM

    Know thyself. Oh how true. Fits in very well with my blog that you commented on today. Like you, I love to glean from all sorts of diet buffs and apply what fits into my world.

I love the quiet of the morning when I can catch it, but with a house full of kids, it is more likely that I will find peace and quiet at night than in the morning, so my night owl nature prevails.

Amazingly, my world has gradually changed over the years and each time I review weight loss tips, I am always able to find one more that will fit in, which I thought would have never worked. We are constantly changing and growing and with perseverance and honesty our healthy lifestyles will be developing right along with us.

I really enjoyed your blog. Thanks for sharing.

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KIYOSHI04 5/22/2011 3:05PM

    it is hard to conform to what someone else thinks you should do or be.
i think that is a lot of the reason why there is so much failure on "diets"....
there are so many "rules." you cant do this, have to do that.
the key to this journey is finding what works for you and sticking with it. thats it.

as for me, yeah, i get in 2 hours a day....usually more. but im unemployed.

also, what i do.... is just keep my feet moving while im doing household tasks. if i am cooking, baking, cleaning, doing laundry, making beds, feeding the dogs, cutting veggies... i am keeping my feet moving at all times.
you'd be surprised how much that helps.
it keeps me burning calories while doing something that needs to do and also lets me focus on weight loss. like sometimes i zone out while making dinner and just graze. but now, i find i am less apt to do that because i am working out while getting dinner ready.

small bursts of fitness do add up.

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MAHONEY_09 5/22/2011 11:27AM

    Loved your blog and good for you! I feel much the same way as you do!

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ILIKECACTI 5/22/2011 9:33AM

    Oh that is so true. I think I have been telling myself that I was doing that, when in fact I was trying to make myself conform to a routine that was just too strict for me. I'm finally admitting to myself that a 1200 cal/day is just not going to work out for me. Way to restrictive- which leads me to get frustrated and go overboard later.

I think I'm finally realizing that slow and steady reality is better than having ambitious yet unrealistic goals that get me nowhere over time. Too bad it took me so long to realize it.

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Procrastination?... I'll think about that later

Friday, May 20, 2011

I read an article about procrastination yesterday that I was supposed to reflect on. It made a whole lot of sense. I am definitely one of those people who gets stressed out because I put off tasks, especially filing and organizing things so that I waste a lot of time even getting ready to start tasks. Basically I throw everything in a big pile -- at home and at work. I am trying to be better, but I have a long way to go. I know I would be much more productive and happier if I just did stuff when I thought of it instead of putting things off.

On the lighter side, I actually read this article at work because I was procrastinating. I had to write a report and I couldn't figure out how to get it started. Also, in case no one noticed, I put off until today writing this reflection. At least I'm consistent!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIYOSHI04 5/22/2011 3:07PM

    this made me chuckle.
i am a procrastinator too. some of us just thrive that way.... i always waited until last minute to do all college papers and then stayed up all night doing it the nite before.
sometimes it is just easier to do things as they come. like filing.
then it doesnt suck as much and doesnt suck as much of your time, cos you just have to file one paper, not months and months worth.

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JANET552 5/21/2011 5:06PM

    Procrastination just comes so easily. I understand totally.

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ANDYINBC 5/21/2011 1:31PM

    Procrastination seems to affect so many of us. Just curious, could you perhaps share the article name and authors. I would love to be more enlightened on this topic and perhaps deal with it more effectively.

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ILIKECACTI 5/21/2011 11:08AM

    oh yes... i'm a total procrastinator. i thought i would break the habit somewhere along the way. but i haven't yet.

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CHRISTINECAN 5/21/2011 10:48AM

    I also blogged and have reflected further on the topic. Funny how these little snippets they send us really do get worked over! Liked yours. emoticon

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JAXMOMMY 5/20/2011 10:11PM

    Thanks for the chuckle! I'm procrastinating right now as a matter of fact! Shame on us!

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GEMINISUE 5/20/2011 10:10PM

    Check out flylady.com she will get you organized. Sure did help me a lot. :)


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TJSWAN5 5/20/2011 9:24PM

  I looked up this site 2 days ago.I don't plan to start the nutrition plan until sun. I had to take some time to decide if I am ready to commit. I am. I'll be going to get groceries tommorow- nomore procrastinating. emoticon

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TARANITUP 5/20/2011 8:47PM

    I read that Healthy Reflection, and blogged about it too lol. So did another of my sparkies... I guess it resonated with a lot of people!

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TEE-RACY 5/20/2011 8:09PM

    Consistency is half the battle...lmao.

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