Monday, March 25, 2013
Wow, I didn't realize I hadn't posted anything for over a month. There is actually a good reason for that. I need to come clean so here it is. I am pretty much starting over from day 1. I finally decided to just start over with a clean slate. It seems like every time I lose weight I end up weighing more than when I started. I haven't reached that point yet, but I thought I better get my act together before I do.
I do not have a good relationship with food. No kidding, right? Back in the day, i.e. when I was a lot younger, when I was nervous or upset, I literally could not eat. I could not swallow food. I was super thin, but not healthy. That is not good. Now that I am A LOT older I realize that when I am nervous or upset, the first thing I reach for is something unhealthy to eat. It wouldn't be bad if I was reaching for an apple or some carrots, but no, I want Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups or M&Ms.
So frustrating, but I'm not giving up!
Monday, February 11, 2013
We were supposed to go to Connecticut for my father-in-law's burial on Saturday. Well, obviously Nemo thought differently, so we have postponed it until next Saturday. With my father-in-law's great appreciation for the absurd, we were all pretty sure he was laughing at us and giving us one last "gotcha!"
Instead, 6 of us went out for dinner on Friday. (There also might have been adult beverages involved.) We swapped some stories, mostly hilarious. It think it was really helpful for all of us to relax after all the stress.
Also, my Medifast buddy was supposed to go to CT to house hunt for her move to her new job. She got stuck in Cape Cod at her parent's house with no power, but she was able to get to CT on Sunday. She looked at a few places that were promising. She is there again today. I am resigned to her leaving now. We just got an email about a half hour ago that the head of the library is stepping down in June, so we are in for some potentially huge organizational changes when they hire someone new or even during the interim. Everything could change a lot for all of us.
Change is good, right? At least it is inevitable.
Sunday, February 03, 2013
I blogged a few days ago about being in a downward spiral due to family and friend issues.
Well, this one I didn't anticipate, although I probably should have. My father-in-law passed away Friday morning. He had been in and out of the hospital a few times in the past few weeks and had dementia, but he was such a jovial person. He was 86 years young. Anyway, several years ago before his dementia got bad he had some health problems and he said, "Well, I've had a great run. I've got no complaints." He lost two wives to cancer and still he kept going and raised 3 kids. This was such a neat perspective, especially compared to my own parents who are the most negative people I know.
I sure hope that when my time comes I can be as cool about it as my father-in-law.
Rest in Peace, Lee.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Things have been on a downward spiral for a few weeks and I've been trying to deal with it, but I thought if I wrote some of this down in an organized way it might help me work through things.
First, I found out last Tuesday that my dad has bladder cancer. He's had a couple of other bouts with cancer over the years, but this may be "the one". He is 85 and his options are limited because he's maxed out on radiation and he also is having kidney problems. It sounds selfish, but this is about the worst possible time for me to get away because I have a lot of classes to do at the beginning of the semester and I am also a manager and have to do annual evaluations and those take a lot of time. So, I feel extremely guilty that I can't rush there (it's about 2.5 hours away) and be more support. My only sibling is a little older and she is mentally ill, so she is understandably no help at all and in fact makes everything worse because when she's not the center of attention she falls apart and adds to my mom's stress.
Secondly, my Medifast buddy (whom I have blogged about before) was offered a great job in Connecticut, so she is leaving at the end of February. She is a great friend and also my co-manager at work, so we are really close and are each others cheerleader. I am going to miss her so much. Plus, I don't know what this means for me work-wise -- whether I'll be managing everybody by myself or getting a new co-manager. Oh, and my boss is on research leave until the end of August and so I have a new temporary one who has no experience at all. I'm still trying to figure out his style.
Unfortunately, my mental state has translated into some neglect of my physical state. I still try to walk as much as possible, but the 12,000 steps per day goal has taken a hiatus for the last couple of weeks. I'm not even going to bring up tracking... oops, too late! It's weird because so many of the things I'm upset about are out of my control and the one thing that is in my control -- the way I treat my body -- I'm abdicating control. What is up with that?! (Ooh, something to ponder!)
Maybe I shouldn't have written this down -- I'm afraid it sounds like I'm having a pity party, but I'm trying not to. I just have a lot of things I need to work out.
Friday, January 04, 2013
Back last February I blogged about doing a Spark Streak for helping me stop biting/picking my nails. I promised myself a professional manicure if I could do it. Well, I declared victory a while ago, but my husband gave me two manicure gift certificates for Christmas last year and I finally got one during my vacation from work! I am so excited. I know for many people these are commonplace, but this was a first for me and as a lifelong nail biter I never ever thought I would be able to do this. WooHoo!!!!
Now it's time to "pick" another streak!!!!
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