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Immediate gratification

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Food, as we all know, can be immediate gratification. We may regret it at our leisure, but boy, that burger, ice cream, insert your fast food of choice, sure tastes good as it's going down, right?

I did break down thru into 141 or so today, after flirting around 142 - 143 for a few weeks. I may go up next week, but I was pleased to see it wasn't a true plateau (yet). I know I really need to pay attention to BLTs next week. I know I could have eaten better this week; maybe finally getting on my treadmill is what helped pushed me over. Too bad I haven't been motivated to be on it this week!

I have often pondered my addiction to cookbooks. It goes beyond loving food, I think. Almost anything is an excuse to buy one -- and no matter how many I have, I always want more. I admit to being weak today: I bought a new cookbook, not even one of the couple I've had my eye on for a while (simply because they weren't available at Target, which is where I was). I told my husband I'd wait til I had enough Mypoints rewards to cash in for books, but I didn't.

I went for the immediate gratification.That's what occurred to me today -- that that's part of what it is. I look through them, I read recipes I want to try, and I just must have them. Now. Never mind I shouldn't be spending the money or I no longer have room for all the cookbooks I already own. I just must have it. NOW. Right this minute.

I don't know how to break the addicition, either. It's an ingrained habit of many, many years. My only feeble excuse is that I actually use a lot (but not all) of them, because I also like variety -- I enjoy trying new recipes. A lot.

I suppose, as addictions go, it's really not that bad. Yeah, it costs me more money than I should be spending. But it's not drugs, and it actually helps me with my weight loss.

The cookbook I bought today didn't even get very good reviews on Amazon -- I happened to be reading its reviews a while back -- but looking thru it, most of the recipes looked pretty good to me. Especially the chocolate peanut butter dream bars. Yes, I have often bought cookbooks based on one recipe alone.

The good news is that we have 2 offers on our house in Austin. The first wasn't very good at all, but the second was for full price, as is, and the buyer is already pre-approved and guaranteed for that amount. Please cross your fingers for us that he doesn't back out -- it would be so wonderful to sell that price for our asking price; we really didn't expect that would happen.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MTER67 5/29/2009 5:29AM

    Yes! I hope that the offer on your house goes through! That would be such a load off your shoulders. As for the cookbooks, I can't really comment. I, too, am an instant gratification kind of person. Not so much for food, but for things I see that I want. I just buy them. Once we leave Okinawa and buy a house, my long spending leash is going to be snapped back reaaaal fast!

At least you use the cookbooks you buy. I look at them and marvel at all the possibilities. I think how happy my family will be when I cook for them out of the book. Then I get it home, unite it with all the other dusty tomes on the shelf and go back to making up recipes or googling the things I want to cook. I have never been very good at using cookbooks!

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 5/28/2009 10:53PM

    that's great news! I'll have my fingers crossed for you.

As for the cookbooks, I'm trying to stop buying them too. Unfortunately I buy them but then they sit on a shelf and I'll maybe pull them out once in a while....... What I do for my new cookbook fix is to pull out the old ones that I hardly ever look at - lol - my memory is so bad it's like getting a new cookbook.

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DDHEART 5/28/2009 10:10PM

    I came to thank you for commenting on my blog today and got sidetracked reading yours and thinking about my own cookbook collection...I also sit and read my cookbooks...often don't make many recipes from them really but use almost all recipes as a jumping off point...great ideas in recipes...

I wish you luck in selling your house....then you can buy some more cookbooks!!

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KUNGFOOD 5/28/2009 8:52PM

    Oh I really do think it's a good idea to have traveling boxes of cookbooks... think of all the cookbooks you could see from your friend's libraries without spending/storing except postage.

Hmmmmmmm!
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Congratulations on your buyer! Sending positive energy your way but sounds like you have the offer in the bag!
emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/28/2009 8:54:19 PM

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KEAKMAN 5/28/2009 8:11PM

    How interesting that you write about the need for instant gratification. I have just been writing and thinking about the same idea - only for me it's food (and running again!)

We have been "done bad" by society and the media - we all think we deserve everything we want when we want it. Waiting isn't in our vocabulary. Neither is the notion of putting off pleasure for any reason.

I hope your house closes soon at the price you were asking! What a blessing that would be!

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No perfect body, but a perfect me?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

As I become smaller and smaller, I have to come to grips with the fact that my body will never be perfect. Nobody's body is perfect, of course, but that's small comfort sometimes.

I'll probably always have a small pooch. I'll definitely always have stretch marks -- from losing and gaining weight, not from bearing children. My thighs will always spread out when I sit; even a bit when I stand. My butt will probably always be dimpled (altho there IS less dimpling these days), and I'll probably always have saddlebags.

Most of these are things I can diminish, but not eradicate, no matter how much I exercise or how much weight I lose. And since it's something I can't change, I have to accept it.

It's hard some days, tho, isn't it? Some days we think if we just try hard enough, our thighs will cooperate or our stomach will be board flat.

I probably won't ever be perfect in any way -- no one is. Even Michael Phelps loses occasionally. But I CAN work on being a perfect me, to the best of my abilities. Find my "happy" weight, as they call it. Work on being a better person, which has nothing to do with the size of my thighs or butt. Become more positive, a better listener, less controlling -- these are all things I DO have control over.

And just because someone my height weighs a certain amount or can run at a certain speed, that doesn't mean I will be comfortable at that weight or that speed. I have to find what's right for me. Just like you have to find what's right for you. Be inspired by others, but always listen to that little voice inside that says you're on the right track.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEONALIONESS 5/27/2009 12:07PM

    Wonderful blog!

Something we all need to hear and think about, for sure.

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KEAKMAN 5/27/2009 8:55AM

    It's always such a struggle - what is right for me? Am I being over-ambitious or reasonable? Am I selling myself short? I must constantly evaluate and re-evaluate.

It is nice to know that I am not the only one who worries and frets over what IS right for me. So many seem so confident and I am a champion second-guesser. I like the thought that there are things I can control, and so I ought to focus on those - including what I eat and how I exercise. What my body does with those things is beyond my control. And that should be okay.

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FITKAT2010 5/27/2009 7:43AM

    NOW you are getting it!

Karen

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Both hungry . . . and not

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I am back into the end of my cycle, with the accompanying hunger. Not 24/7, but I'll just find that a meal I've planned doesn't satisfy me when I thought that it would, and I end up eating more to fill up.

OTOH, I still struggle with portion size. I've read more than one book suggesting that you really only need one or two bites of something decadent and fattening . . . except that NEVER works for me. I want it all, and I want the biggest slice, too. Try as I might, I just can't be satisfied with small portions of sweets.

I can usually leave a little bit on my plate, although even that can be a struggle some days. Sometimes I can; other times when push comes to shove, I want to clean my plate.

It isn't because I was brought up to clean my plate, either. It isn't because I'm depriving myself, because I don't. Try as I might, I haven't figured it out yet. All I can do is just keep trying. It does force me to really focus on my food: am I full yet? Do I REALLY want more? Can I eat something else that will fill me up more, for less?

OTOH, I also find that I've been able to go really long periods between meals without getting so hungry that I'm ready to eat the dogs by the time I get home. Not always the case, of course, but I ate breakfast around 6 am this morning, as usual, and didn't have my normal midday snack -- and had lunch around 12:30. So about 6 1/2 hours between eating.

I think this sometimes backfires on me, tho. It may be why even though I don't really feel hungry, my planned meal isn't satisfying. I haven't had a bad week, but I would really like to get down to 140 -- I keep going up & down the same few pounds around 142, and I just would like to get down below 142 finally. Maybe because I'd like to take my next before/after photo at 140.

I am working on being satisfied whether I go down this week or not. I know I'll get there eventually. I know I could have eaten better this week -- of course, I could say that about most weeks -- and I'm willing to accept whatever the scale may say.

I just wanted to comment briefly on my size 6P jeans . . . they're really the equivalent of an 8, because they're relaxed, and even an 8 isn't what it used to be. At 142 and 5"1", I don't think I even have a healthy BMI yet -- it's still a lot of weight on my small frame. But it's much less weight than a year ago, and you can actually see my collar bones now -- first time in years! -- and that makes me happy every time I look in the mirror.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDHEART 5/26/2009 6:23PM

    Hurrah for collarbones! Keep looking in the mirror and enjoying what you see. You have visible evidence of your efforts...great work!

I must say I can get distracted sometimes and the time between meals gets long but you are right it does backfire....seems the ol body decides that it's in danger of being shortchanged so it starts one of those insatiable periods. Try not to let the length of time between meals get so long....better to have a granola bar or something so that dinner doesn't become a marathon event.

Now, go back to the mirror and admire those collarbones!

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KEAKMAN 5/26/2009 5:48PM

    I think you nailed it - even though you can, you maybe shouldn't go 6 or 7 hours without eating while you are awake. You may not feel that ravenous hunger that you used to, but your body is still hungry, and your sensibly planned meal isn't cutting it. Either have the snack, or include the snack in your meal (or add in equivalent calories).

I'm with you on sweets. I need them all. Right now. Every one of them. But I have found that a Skinny Cow works fine, so I have one every evening. Makes me happy, both body and mind!

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LEONALIONESS 5/26/2009 2:53PM

    Sounds like you've got a really sensible, well thought out process with your lifestyle change. I'm also trying to eat small meals throughout the day... and deal with not being hungry a fair amount. I've recently been adding half an avocado a day, since I'm normally low on fat, and that seems to be helping a lot. That addition of healthy fats at dinner really seems to make me feel satisfied. It helps that I LOVE avocados and feel like I'm being naughty when I'm actually not.

The really weird thing is that I'm so much less focused on food while being focused more on food. It's hard to explain. I'm tracking what I eat which usually = insane focus and label reading but at the same time I find myself mostly eating to fuel up, rather than eating to eat. This is very very weird for me as I LOVE food and usually love to eat.

I guess we do eventually swing around to "eat to live, not live to eat"...
What a crazy journey this lifestyle change is, eh?

Sorry, I got distracted by an epiphany in my comment and it's less focused than I'd like. I'm pulling for you! You're doing just great. :)



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Happiness is my own computer

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Finally! I am writing this blog from my own computer. Almost took a month, but hey, who's counting?

My own bookmarks. My own address book. My wireless keyboard. Yes! Still don't have my own chair, which I think is way more comfortable than my husband's, but that's only because there's no room right now.

There's less space in this office, and so I am giving up my large computer desk that had a built-in file cabinet and about 3 shelves for books. We'll need to buy a new, smaller, computer desk for me before we can fit 2 chairs in here. Because I know that sometimes we'll want to be on the computer at the same time.

For those of you that share a computer, my sympathies. We did that for a while, before my business took off. I don't think either one of us wants to go back to that. Altho I wonder if maybe my next computer should be a laptop, rather than a desktop. If I'd had a laptop, obviously it wouldn't have taken me so long to get my computer set up. And I'd have been able to play DVDs long before we got the DVD players set up.

I have people I've wanted to contact, whose contact info was locked away in my computer.

Not only that, happiness is home baked treats! I made WW nanaimo bars yesterday. I modified them a bit, so they're a bit higher in points, but oh so good. I'd never heard about nanaimo bars, not being Canadian, until I stumbled across a recipe in a cookbook long ago. They've become one of our faves, tho I don't make them real often -- too fattening, too long a process.

I made some chocolate chip scones this morning. Ok; I didn't really quite have everything I needed -- couldn't remember how much lemon juice you add to milk to curdle it, and the tool I use to cut butter into flour is still MIA somewhere. But they tasted good -- just not quite what I was expecting.

I made banana oatmeal chocolate chip cookies on Friday, too. Planning to make waffles soon -- maybe towards the middle of next week when it's rainy & cool.

I don't know what it is about baking & cooking; it just makes me happy, and it's not just the end result. It's looking thru the recipes, deciding on what sounds good, getting everything ready -- and of course the end result ain't usually bad, either.

All is not smooth yet, tho. Of course, as I often point out, when is it ever? I came back down here to write this blog & one of my monitors wasn't working. When my husband rearranged things he pulled out the plug, so to speak, because I hadn't tightened it up yet. Still, I figured it out relatively quickly & got on with life.

Now have to find a recipe for quacomole tomorrow . . . I bought some tortilla chips with Salba in it -- something similar to flaxseed apparently -- and wonder of wonders, my husband likes them. So much so, in fact, that I've warned him several times that there better be some chips left for me tomorrow. We're going to grill a hamburger for him, portbello mushrooms for me. I figure guacomole & chips will go nicely with that, and of course, I've already got the nanaimo bars.

Hope everyone who's celebrating has a nice holiday tomorrow!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_GRIZZ 5/25/2009 8:56PM

    Wow sounds like you had a great weekend. The WW nanaimo bar recipe sounds awfully interesting.....hint, hint....lol. My DH's favourites and I haven't had one in a very very long time.

Glad to hear you got your computer up and running - that's fantastic! Yeah You!

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MTER67 5/25/2009 5:23PM

    Yay! I know how much you love baking, so I am glad you are back in the kitchen (although it always makes me hungry to read about the yummy things you make.)

As you already know, I share a computer and it bugs me. My husband has been indulging me though--by setting up his laptop and working in the dining room most evenings. I guess he got tired of hearing my exasperated sighs and feeling my eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. He also bought me an iPod Touch for Mother's Day, so I can check my email (and even Spark) when I am out and about; as long as there is wi-fi available. It is a pretty neat gadget.

Glad you have your computer back. I think I would have had to unpack that first!

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KEEPSAKES66 5/24/2009 9:54PM

    emoticon we share a computer in my house and I just got a new netbook this week. Easy to use, wireless and cheap laptop- no CD drive but I work with computers and have an external drive so no biggie. It is nice to have one that is mine all mine bwahhaha! emoticon

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KEAKMAN 5/24/2009 9:04PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Glad you got the computer set up and life is calming down!

Sounds like a yummy house you've got there - all those baked goods. I haven't baked in a long time - I need to find some healthy treats to make that my DH will still eat (what he doesn't know, won't hurt him!)

Have a great day tomorrow!

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No rushing

Saturday, May 23, 2009

One of the things I do not like about DH is his tendency to rush. I hate being rushed, and all too often when we rush, we miss out on things -- or screw them up.

I got my car back, and thankfully it passed inspection. Now, if I'd erased the code & waited a few days, it probably would have passed inspection without a hitch & just cost us $21. But because I took DH's advice, and went right to have it inspected after erasing the code, it ended up costing us almost $91 total.

Well, it's done. At least we didn't have to fix the actual problem, which would have cost us hundredes of dollars, and now (maybe) we can contemplate a small vacation that we'd been thinking about.

I am used to going away several times a year, but it's been 3/4 of a year since our last vacation, and a tough year at that. I think vacations are extremely important, but money is tight, and it may just have to wait. I like having the goal of a vacation to work towards -- but I also have to learn how to be happy if I can't go away, either.

Back to the title subject, rushing doesn't work with losing weight, either. There are no magic pills, no magic exercises, no prepared foods that will do it. Healthy eating and moderate exercise, along with a little self examination, WILL do the trick. And none of those things are easy; at least not in the beginning.

The payoffs are so worth it, tho. Goals met thru hard work are always sweeter.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CITABRIA 5/24/2009 11:47AM

    I'm with you on rushing!

I'd gotten behind on reading your blog and finally caught up reading all about your move. Wooo! You've had a crazy couple of months!

I'm curious about where you moved to (looked for it, but must have missed it somewhere). Would you be willing to tell me in Sparkmail? I'm quite familiar with most of NY state (with the exceptions of *true* upstate around/north of Plattsburgh and the far west of the state) and am curious to know where you are now. I'm sure that anywhere up there is a change from Austin, but even so. ;)

You've written a lot of things that it's been good for me to read/hear. I won't be getting this behind on reading your blog again!

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KEAKMAN 5/23/2009 4:48PM

    Same here - I don't like to be rushed. I like planning ahead and having time to complete the task at my pace. Which is funny since I am the eastcoast girl and my DH is the laid back westcoast guy. (but he doesn't plan ahead so we rush)

Good things take time. Planning and time. Diet, exercise, good health, unpacking kitchens, weeding my garden - they all ake time if we want to do them right.

Hope you get your mini-vacation....I know what you mean - it's been only 6 months for us, but I need to get out of here.

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RENA1965 5/23/2009 2:59PM

    Agree with you too!

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 5/23/2009 2:10PM

    Very true. Looking back, I think the hardest and scariest part is the first step - taking that leap of faith and diving in with both feet. Glad to hear your car passed its inspection. Yeah!

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