Wednesday, May 27, 2009
As I become smaller and smaller, I have to come to grips with the fact that my body will never be perfect. Nobody's body is perfect, of course, but that's small comfort sometimes.
I'll probably always have a small pooch. I'll definitely always have stretch marks -- from losing and gaining weight, not from bearing children. My thighs will always spread out when I sit; even a bit when I stand. My butt will probably always be dimpled (altho there IS less dimpling these days), and I'll probably always have saddlebags.
Most of these are things I can diminish, but not eradicate, no matter how much I exercise or how much weight I lose. And since it's something I can't change, I have to accept it.
It's hard some days, tho, isn't it? Some days we think if we just try hard enough, our thighs will cooperate or our stomach will be board flat.
I probably won't ever be perfect in any way -- no one is. Even Michael Phelps loses occasionally. But I CAN work on being a perfect me, to the best of my abilities. Find my "happy" weight, as they call it. Work on being a better person, which has nothing to do with the size of my thighs or butt. Become more positive, a better listener, less controlling -- these are all things I DO have control over.
And just because someone my height weighs a certain amount or can run at a certain speed, that doesn't mean I will be comfortable at that weight or that speed. I have to find what's right for me. Just like you have to find what's right for you. Be inspired by others, but always listen to that little voice inside that says you're on the right track.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I am back into the end of my cycle, with the accompanying hunger. Not 24/7, but I'll just find that a meal I've planned doesn't satisfy me when I thought that it would, and I end up eating more to fill up.
OTOH, I still struggle with portion size. I've read more than one book suggesting that you really only need one or two bites of something decadent and fattening . . . except that NEVER works for me. I want it all, and I want the biggest slice, too. Try as I might, I just can't be satisfied with small portions of sweets.
I can usually leave a little bit on my plate, although even that can be a struggle some days. Sometimes I can; other times when push comes to shove, I want to clean my plate.
It isn't because I was brought up to clean my plate, either. It isn't because I'm depriving myself, because I don't. Try as I might, I haven't figured it out yet. All I can do is just keep trying. It does force me to really focus on my food: am I full yet? Do I REALLY want more? Can I eat something else that will fill me up more, for less?
OTOH, I also find that I've been able to go really long periods between meals without getting so hungry that I'm ready to eat the dogs by the time I get home. Not always the case, of course, but I ate breakfast around 6 am this morning, as usual, and didn't have my normal midday snack -- and had lunch around 12:30. So about 6 1/2 hours between eating.
I think this sometimes backfires on me, tho. It may be why even though I don't really feel hungry, my planned meal isn't satisfying. I haven't had a bad week, but I would really like to get down to 140 -- I keep going up & down the same few pounds around 142, and I just would like to get down below 142 finally. Maybe because I'd like to take my next before/after photo at 140.
I am working on being satisfied whether I go down this week or not. I know I'll get there eventually. I know I could have eaten better this week -- of course, I could say that about most weeks -- and I'm willing to accept whatever the scale may say.
I just wanted to comment briefly on my size 6P jeans . . . they're really the equivalent of an 8, because they're relaxed, and even an 8 isn't what it used to be. At 142 and 5"1", I don't think I even have a healthy BMI yet -- it's still a lot of weight on my small frame. But it's much less weight than a year ago, and you can actually see my collar bones now -- first time in years! -- and that makes me happy every time I look in the mirror.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Finally! I am writing this blog from my own computer. Almost took a month, but hey, who's counting?
My own bookmarks. My own address book. My wireless keyboard. Yes! Still don't have my own chair, which I think is way more comfortable than my husband's, but that's only because there's no room right now.
There's less space in this office, and so I am giving up my large computer desk that had a built-in file cabinet and about 3 shelves for books. We'll need to buy a new, smaller, computer desk for me before we can fit 2 chairs in here. Because I know that sometimes we'll want to be on the computer at the same time.
For those of you that share a computer, my sympathies. We did that for a while, before my business took off. I don't think either one of us wants to go back to that. Altho I wonder if maybe my next computer should be a laptop, rather than a desktop. If I'd had a laptop, obviously it wouldn't have taken me so long to get my computer set up. And I'd have been able to play DVDs long before we got the DVD players set up.
I have people I've wanted to contact, whose contact info was locked away in my computer.
Not only that, happiness is home baked treats! I made WW nanaimo bars yesterday. I modified them a bit, so they're a bit higher in points, but oh so good. I'd never heard about nanaimo bars, not being Canadian, until I stumbled across a recipe in a cookbook long ago. They've become one of our faves, tho I don't make them real often -- too fattening, too long a process.
I made some chocolate chip scones this morning. Ok; I didn't really quite have everything I needed -- couldn't remember how much lemon juice you add to milk to curdle it, and the tool I use to cut butter into flour is still MIA somewhere. But they tasted good -- just not quite what I was expecting.
I made banana oatmeal chocolate chip cookies on Friday, too. Planning to make waffles soon -- maybe towards the middle of next week when it's rainy & cool.
I don't know what it is about baking & cooking; it just makes me happy, and it's not just the end result. It's looking thru the recipes, deciding on what sounds good, getting everything ready -- and of course the end result ain't usually bad, either.
All is not smooth yet, tho. Of course, as I often point out, when is it ever? I came back down here to write this blog & one of my monitors wasn't working. When my husband rearranged things he pulled out the plug, so to speak, because I hadn't tightened it up yet. Still, I figured it out relatively quickly & got on with life.
Now have to find a recipe for quacomole tomorrow . . . I bought some tortilla chips with Salba in it -- something similar to flaxseed apparently -- and wonder of wonders, my husband likes them. So much so, in fact, that I've warned him several times that there better be some chips left for me tomorrow. We're going to grill a hamburger for him, portbello mushrooms for me. I figure guacomole & chips will go nicely with that, and of course, I've already got the nanaimo bars.
Hope everyone who's celebrating has a nice holiday tomorrow!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
One of the things I do not like about DH is his tendency to rush. I hate being rushed, and all too often when we rush, we miss out on things -- or screw them up.
I got my car back, and thankfully it passed inspection. Now, if I'd erased the code & waited a few days, it probably would have passed inspection without a hitch & just cost us $21. But because I took DH's advice, and went right to have it inspected after erasing the code, it ended up costing us almost $91 total.
Well, it's done. At least we didn't have to fix the actual problem, which would have cost us hundredes of dollars, and now (maybe) we can contemplate a small vacation that we'd been thinking about.
I am used to going away several times a year, but it's been 3/4 of a year since our last vacation, and a tough year at that. I think vacations are extremely important, but money is tight, and it may just have to wait. I like having the goal of a vacation to work towards -- but I also have to learn how to be happy if I can't go away, either.
Back to the title subject, rushing doesn't work with losing weight, either. There are no magic pills, no magic exercises, no prepared foods that will do it. Healthy eating and moderate exercise, along with a little self examination, WILL do the trick. And none of those things are easy; at least not in the beginning.
The payoffs are so worth it, tho. Goals met thru hard work are always sweeter.
Friday, May 22, 2009
I tried on some of the jeans I bought before I left Austin. They were too small then, but I knew where to get discounted Levis then & was confident I'd fit into them eventually, so went ahead and got several pairs.
Most of them now fit -- most comfortably. One or two are still too tight, but I have no doubt eventually I'll be wearing them, too.
Even tho the main reason I want to lose weight is to be healthy & have more energy, I can't lie; smaller jeans make me feel good. I have gone from a relaxed size 16P to 6P -- which is the equivalent of a size 8 (nowadays; I'm sure it would be more like a 10 or 12 a decade a go, but that's ok).
Of course, getting back to the balance I was blogging about yesterday, we are still having car troubles. Sort of.
I'd been having trouble with my check engine light coming on & going off. Turns out you can get a code read with a machine from Autozone or Advanced Auto Parts -- for free. I did that in Austin, and I had a bad 02 sensor. When I called our dealer, they wanted about $400 to fix it. We decided to wait.
It eventually went off on its own, but came back on shortly before our move. I had the code read again (same problem) and erased, but it came back on even quicker this time.
I went to Advanced Auto Parts here, where they actually give you the machine & have you do it yourself. I am good with technology, but horrible mechanically. I couldn't for the life of me find where you plug it in -- even tho they said it would be obvious -- and had to ask for help. Eventually got it done & erased the code myself & went right over to Firestone to get my car inspected -- you only have 10 days after registering it.
I sat there for an hour & a half, finally asked about my car, and it must have been done for a while I'm guessing, but no one bothered to tell me. It failed the inspection.
So last night we took it to the dealer. This morning they called & said they can't find anything wrong with it -- inspection-wise, but had a whole laundry list of other things that needed to fixed (adding up to quite a bit of money, and some of it I know should be done). We asked them to just do the inspection, and I'm waiting yet again. If it passes this time, a $21 inspection will end up costing us over $80 and a lot of my time. But hey, it's only money, right?
I have no pithy analogies to draw this time. Excpet maybe to pay attention and fix things when they first start to rear their ugly head, rather than procrastinating -- it's always more expensive to fix (money-wise or weight-wise or whatever) when you procrastinate.
We did go out to dinner last night. We still have a few gift cards to various chain restaurants, so it didn't cost us anything extra. We went to Red Lobster, and I had the lobster pizza & a caesar salad with grilled shrimp. Yum! Took home half of everything for another meal. I was only going to have half a biscuit, but ended up finishing the one. And taking home the rest for tonight's dinner (which oddly enough will be a shrimp salad -- just the way it goes).
While we were eating, DH commented that the weather the last few days is why we're here. That people here endure the winter to get to the lovely spring weather (much like we endure the summers in Austin to get to the lovely winter/spring weather). And it has been glorious the last few days.
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