JLITT62   52,035
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
JLITT62's Recent Blog Entries

The thrill of victory & the agony of defeat

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The title's a bit of a stretch, neither one is really all that thrilling, but it's all I've got this morning.

One thing I've been doing all along -- and doing a lot of these last couple of weeks -- is to try to leave a few bites on my plate. They really can add up over time. I still have trouble stopping and checking how full I feel, though.

It's funny, because in a restaurant I normally have no trouble leaving half my order on my plate to take home. But at home? It's hard to even just stop and access how I'm feeling.

Last night I did it, though. I made matzo brei (think of sort of french toast matz0) which I adore. Last time I made it I realized I really didn't need 2 whole boards. Halfway through it last night I realized I'd had enough. Which worked well, because I had the other half for breakfast this morning -- and since I'm running low on matzo, that helped.

I had to run several errands yesterday, and one took me to Target. I decided the Chocolate Obssession frozen soy milk was just okay, so I wanted to pick up the chocolate & peanut butter one. I did, or so I thought. When I dished it out for dessert, I didn't see any peanut butter. And when I ate it, I realized that it was also Chocolate Obssession -- not that that is bad, but it is just not what I wanted. I checked the label more than once, and sure enough, it's mislabeled. Foiled again! I've never had that happen before, and I must admit, I was pretty disappointed.

Well, this too shall pass. It isn't worth running to Target again, although I'm not sure what they would do about it -- whole thing would probably melt while I waited on line.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARTSPARKING 4/15/2009 3:05AM

    The incentive of eating only half of a restaurant meal is the leftovers can be boxed up and be enjoyed one more time. Good for you for eating only half of the matzo brei, so you were able to enjoy the other half for breakfast. Keep up your great work!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEAKMAN 4/14/2009 11:43AM

    I am sooooo proud of you for getting a handle on that stop-when-I-feel-full thing! Want to give lessons? I, too, can easily cut my restaurant food in half, ask for a to-go box right away, and package it up to take home for tomorrow. But at home? Nope, not a chance.

You are really doing great - and have a great attitude about your progress too! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMA_GRIZZ 4/14/2009 7:47AM

    Doh! That must have been very disappointing.....what are the odds of that happening - wow. Guess you were meant to have Chocolate Obsession.

Wish I could master that feeling full signal - haven't yet, but you have inspired me to practice yet again. Now that I'm back at work and will be getting back into my routine it should be easier.

Report Inappropriate Comment

You've got to feel

Monday, April 13, 2009

While my Dad is a rather demonstrative fellow, I've only seen him cry once -- at the grave of the brother I never knew. My mom is rather stoic & somewhat undemostrative; I think her mother was, as well, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree -- and I'm not referring to my Mom here.

I don't cry easily. I'll hug if you're a hugger, but I don't generally hug first.

This morning, however, as I was outside with the dogs, my feelings really swamped me. It started slowly, and built swiftly. The sorts of feelings that so many of us, myself included, have used food to medicate for years. It's easier to stuff ourselves with food than to allow ourselves to feel our feelings, especially when they're not happy feelings.

I can't really explain why I love this home or town so much. It isn't a perfect house, it's not the best neighborhood (it was much nicer when we moved in 15 years ago), it's certainly not a McMansion by any means. There were so many things we wanted to do that we never got around to.

There have been so many good times here, and some pretty bad ones too. Welcoming the boys (my present cats), and making this a cat-friendly house with all sorts of stuff my husband built for them -- for me, really -- that now must come down. Tearing our hair out over Chester as a puppy, and snuggling with him so many times over the years. My girls (my first cats) are buried in our backyard, and their rosebush is really blooming. I want to press some of the roses, but probably won't get around to it.

The trees we planted that were tiny saplings that now shade me as I sit beneath them reading, while the dogs sun themselves. It is also the place where both our first cats were put to sleep, where we watched & suffered through their declines, where Chester protected me from the person/s who tried to break in this fall.

So many memories. It just really got to me this morning, and I found myself crying.

But you've got to let yourself feel. Feel the butterflies in your stomach, the lump in your throat, and the burning in your eyes. I know we will create new memories in our new home. I know that home is where my loved ones are; it's not a roof and 4 walls . . . and yet there is just something about this house.

We really bought it almost on a whim. A realtor called with their latest promotion: have them take you to 3 homes, and they'd give you free movie tickets. I wasn't very busy with my business yet and I love movies, so I said sure. We'd thought about perhaps buying a house. We knew we wanted to stay here, but my husband's assignment was up in a few months and we didn't know if we would stay here; we figured we could rent the house if we moved.

I got my free movie tickets, but I got so much more. Somehow when I walked into this house, it told me I was home. I can't say that I have the same feeling about our new house.

Still, my very rambling point (guess I had to get all that off my chest) is that food would never make the sorrow go away. Food can definitely make me feel good, but I will allow myself to mourn this house without food. That's how I can move on.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRECECOOKS 4/15/2009 6:00PM

    What a wonderful and evocative blog! You have articulated so well some of the things that we grieve over, which we sublimate by eating.
God bless you on your move. I hope you can find a new sense of home when you arrive.

Report Inappropriate Comment
STARTSPARKING 4/13/2009 11:50PM

    Although all those wonderful memories were made in the old house, you will be able to take the happy memories with you because they will always be treasured in your heart. Good for you for allowing yourself to experience the pain of leaving and not trying to numb it with food.

May your new home be filled with many new happy memories, my friend.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMA_GRIZZ 4/13/2009 7:27PM

    Sorry you are so sad but it's great that you didn't try to fill the 'void' with food, that's very hard to overcome - congratulations! It's great that you feel your feelings and express them instead.

You will be starting new memories in your new home but will always carry the memories of your old home with you, close to your heart.


Report Inappropriate Comment
KEAKMAN 4/13/2009 3:37PM

    What a wise woman you are. You recognized your feelings AND their validity and allowed yourself to experience them. And you didn't fall prey to the food. I am so proud of you.

You are also wise to recognize that home is where the love is, not a house. Sure, you will grieve for the loss of this beautiful and seemingly perfect home. And you will regret your move, ineveitable though it is. But life moves on, and you will find new and unexpected joys in your new home.

You and your "kiddos" will be fine. You'll be together and that is most important!

Report Inappropriate Comment

She works hard for the weigh-in

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Ok, I've already done a blog post of a similar title. But I have been on a roll. Amazing what stress will do for you. I'll blog more about it on Monday, when I think more people might be around to actually read it. 6 weeks of weight loss. I think it's a new record for me.

This past week was busy (for me), and I was just so tired most days I wasn't even all that hungry. Apparently, that worked for me. Here I worried about how I'd handle it when the move got close and I didn't have as much time -- apparently, I should move more often.

I still worry a bit about those couple of weeks where I'll probably be eating out a lot or processed food a lot. But I know if I can go on a cruise and only gain a couple of pounds, I should be able to handle it without getting too derailed. I'm getting so close to not paying now . . . and I want that; we have enough over our heads with owning 2 houses. But I also know how hard those last few pounds can be. What will be, will be.

I want to thank my friend Keakman for mentioning storing already tossed salad with a paper towel to keep it from getting slimy -- so far, that's really working well for me, and I've been eating a lot more salad lately because of that tip.

And finally, we did a lot of walking this morning. Probably my last time at the farmer's market, where I bought 2 chocolate scones for the week of our move. Since it's Passover, I stuck them in the freezer. I couldn't even try them, even tho she was offering tastes. But I've bought from her before and know her stuff is good -- if not exactly healthy. But they're relatively small scones.

Then we walked down to the area I'd noticed earlier in the week -- it's right beside a strip mall, but it's a small field of bluebonnets. We have other bluebonnet photos, and I'm sure if my husband were here, these would be better, but here they are.

I cropped this a tad oddly to make it look like the dogs were just sitting in a field of bluebonnets (and doctored it a bit to get rid of their harness & lead).

There's a nice little trail that connects a small subdivision with the road that goes by the strip mall. Actually, it's a whole series of trails. I'd walked in there a little before, but didn't want to go too deep because it appears really isolated. Then one day I went with a friend -- turns out there are a lot more trails back there than meet the eye. You're never really very far from civilisation, even though it feels that way.

Turns out the dogs were looking away because a couple walking their 4 dogs (several off leash) were about to show up.

There you have it. Another favorite walking trail documented. If you live in Austin, btw, that trail is near Petco in Sunset Market (as are the bluebonnets).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARTSPARKING 4/12/2009 5:15AM

    Six weeks of weight loss! Congratulations on such wonderful progress!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Thank you for sharing those adorable photos of the bluebonnets and your dogs. Gorgeous!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMA_GRIZZ 4/11/2009 2:56PM

    Those bluebonnets are beautiful - very nice pictures - thank you for sharing.

Kudos to you on the 6 weeks of weight loss - that's fantastic! Keep up the good work!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEAKMAN 4/11/2009 2:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon on your continuing weight loss! Isn't it amazing what motivates us to eat or not eat? And it's never the way we think it will be!!

I am glad that you had such a lovely morning/afternoon and walk. Great pictures, too! I have never been to Austin, but my son lived there for a while and he tells me it is a beautiful and fun city. I am sure you are sad to leave it. But your new home will offer you all sorts of adventures and fun, I am sure. It's all in the attitude. (if I can learn to love Oregon with its nine months of rain - and me a sun-worshipper - then a person can learn to love any place they end up!)

Report Inappropriate Comment

Just breathe

Friday, April 10, 2009

I have to remind myself of this a bit more recently. Long before this move, I made it a habit to start and end every day with 10 deep breaths. It's amazing how calming it can be to let everything go and just breathe. Wish I could convince DH of that. He poo-poohs me every time I tell him to do it; gee, who has the high blood pressure?

Several months ago I also made it a habit to take a few deep breaths before most meals, and to say a little prayer of gratitude. I'm grateful to the farmer who grew the veggies; to the sushi chef who made my sushi; to the animal that gave its life so that I might live; and so on.

Yes, of course, sometimes I get upset and angry and forget my own rules. I'm human. I've got a pretty good temper. But other times I find myself beginning to get anxious about everything that has to get done, and I take a moment, and I take a few deep breaths. It calms me. It focuses me.

Deep breathing isn't just for the stressful times, it's for every day living. The next time you feel yourself getting upset or anxious, just breathe. The next time you find yourself reaching for food when you're really not hungry, just breathe.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEAKMAN 4/10/2009 10:10AM

    Great reminder! And it is wonderful that something so easy and absolutely free, requiring no training or special equipment can do so much for us. I practiced my deep breathing while I read your blog. Good way to start my day, too! Thanks!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMA_GRIZZ 4/10/2009 9:49AM

    I agree 110% with you and practice deep breathing myself. It's so funny, when we are upset or stressed, we forget to breath......just remember to breath. It brings everything back into focus and is so good for us. In with the good air; out with the bad. Good light in; bad light out. It's great.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUDITH1654 4/10/2009 9:16AM

    Love it! This will work in all areas of life! Thanks!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

MIA occasionally

Thursday, April 09, 2009

I really seem to be into those acronyms lately, eh?

As our move approaches, I'm sure I will be MIA more than occasionally. Sometimes things just don't go as you planned. Today, for instance, I had to run out to Fedex to fedex my signed portions of our tax returns to my husband.

Because we were in a very odd work situation for him, the company had someone do the taxes -- and they informed us yesterday that we had to get the forms back to them by the 15th -- that is, the forms they'd finally sent us yesterday. Which probably would be easy if we were living in the same state. Hopefully I signed everywhere I needed to.

Then I spent 2 hours this afternoon with the realtor. I wasn't expecting that meeting to take so long. Afterwards, I had a choice: exercise or shower. Sadly, I chose the exercise. It was a short burst, but I do need that shower, too. I do find it hard to not exercise. I don't have exercise bulimia, but to not exercise at all? Rarely happens unless I'm sick, and thankfully I don't get sick real often (crosses fingers).

That was all in between calling painters to try to track down estimates, getting several packages ready to ship to my husband, and the normal stuff. And so much I didn't get done, like take my car in to be checked.

You may not hear from me at times, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not reading & watching. You just never know when I might pop in.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll return you to your regular blog . . . until my husband comes home next weekend. All bets are off then.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEAKMAN 4/9/2009 8:09PM

    I will be thankful for any time you have to spend with us. I know what a stressful time this will be for you. In the meantime, I will be thinking of you and hoping for a smooth move for everyone!

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 Last Page