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Staying focused

Friday, April 03, 2009

We are getting to crunch time. Our move is about 3 weeks off -- not 100% sure of the date since DH hasn't booked flights yet. I have lost weight for 5 weeks now -- ok, today the scale barely moved, but that was frankly more than I expected after a month of weight loss so I'm very pleased.

I know if I can stay focused I can do it. I know my husband doesn't understand why I make time to exercise every day, but if I can just lose another 11 lbs -- and keep it off -- I can stop paying for WW, and that's a pretty good chunk of change each mont. I won't stop going, but I can stop paying, since I'm a lifetime member.

Next week will be somewhat challenging because it's Passover. So much you can't eat. I'm probably going to only half-observe it, and most likely will still eat some oatmeal. Or maybe not. I bought some high fiber matzo, so some of that with some peanut butter could make a nice breakfast. There will be matzo brei though, which is sort of french toast matzo; I adore matzo brei and typically make it at least 2-3 times during Passover, and I don't use the high fiber matzo for it, either -- I've tried to, but it really just isn't the same.

I think my biggest upcoming challenges will be eating healthy when I can't cook for myself, and getting in my exercise when I probably won't even have access to my exercise DVDs for a while. It should only be a few days; once we get to Albany, I can use my husband's computer. I can, of course, continue to walk -- I only need my 2 feet for that. I will miss walking the dogs, though, even if I can get a better workout without them.

I also have to try to reign in my expectations of what my familywill say. It's been about a year since I saw them; I am almost 24 lbs lighter. I'm pretty sure they will notice, and I actually think they'll be wowed, but I have to prepare myself if they aren't. Almost no one here, aside from my husband, has noticed -- or commented on -- my weight loss.

I have been doing a bit better with taking care of myself the last few days, too. I've been doing my guided meditations, which I hadn't been getting around to. I've been making sure to moisturize my hands at night -- the tips get so dry! It's so easy to let go of this stuff when you're busy, but so vital not to. Still haven't gotten around to buffing my nails yet, but I'll get there.

I am also so thankful to my spark buddies. If it weren't for you, I'd probably never have pushed myself to run. While I may never enjoy it the way some of you do, I need to do it and I'm glad that I do. I am loosely doing the C25K program -- not that I'm planning any 5Ks any time soon, but maybe some day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_GRIZZ 4/3/2009 11:53PM

    Wow, what you are going through right now has got to be stressful, and you are doing SO well. I applaud you!

Remember to breath......when we are under stress, it's amazing how we forget that little tidbit. Breath and breath deeply, my friend. This stressful time will fly by and before you know it, you will be in your new home with your DH and furry babies. Everything will be new and fresh; just like a new adventure.

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KEAKMAN 4/3/2009 4:34PM

    Just take a deep breath and relax. All that is going to happen will happen, and there isn't much that you can or can't do - it sounds like most of the decisions are out of your hands at this point. Oh, but you CAN continue to moisturize!

Walk as much as you can, when eating, choose wisely and drink a lot of water, and enjoy the opportunities to see family, new people, and new places.

Keep on with your running regime, and I'll be imagining you there with me on my morning runs (careful of the slugs!)

I hope your Passover is a blessing to you this year. It's hard to adjust food during holidays - do your best and don't fret over whatever happens.

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Who's to blame?

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

I got thinking about this yesterday as I was getting mad at my husband for not yet booking our flights. I can't do it, unfortunately, he has to g through work. It is now less than a month away, and we have to hope that they have space for 2 animals on 2 flights.

I have thought & thought about it, but I really just can't bring myself to put any of them in cargo. I know probably thousands of animals fly in cargo every year without incident, and that's how we got my first cats down here.

But as Lola sat glued to me, shivering, during a freak thunderstorm yesterday morning, I tried to imagine her alone in a dark, noisy cargo hold. As I called Gizmo in, who is also afraid of storms, I tried to imagine him in there. That leaves Simba & Chester. Chester has separation anxiety -- it's well controlled now, but I could easily see that being a tipping point.

Ok, I'm getting off the point. I realized that DH is procrastinating because it's not something he wants to deal with. Just as he's been procrastinating with the flooring. Yes, he's doing the hard work of ripping up the carpet himself, but he just ordered the actual flooring. We've owned the house for more than 2 weeks now.

It would be easy to get angry at him for all this procrastination, and while it is annoying, I have to point that finger at myself. I can procrastinate with the best of them. That's partially why my house is such a mess. How much easier this move would be if the house were already in order. I had about 5 knitting bags stuffed in closet, filled with half worked projects. And they were stuffed in there because I didn't want to deal with them.

But guess what? I had to. I think there's only one in there now that still has stuff in it. I've gone through all the others and sorted and bagged and thrown out stuff.

When it comes down to it, we only have ourselves to blame. It's tempting to lay the blame at friends, family, or events, but no one holds a gun to our heads and makes us eat. That was really brought home to me when Oprah did a show on severely obese people -- some of whom were bed ridden. I had never thought about it before, but if you're bed ridden and obese, someone has to be bringing you food. Someone is enabling you. But there is still no one standing with a gun to your head forcing you to eat.

We all make our choices, both good and bad, and we have to own up to them. It's the only way to move on.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEAKMAN 4/1/2009 8:18PM


I totallly agree - we make those choices. We eat that food. We decided not to exercise. No one made me be this out of shape and overweight. I did it to myself. Now it's up to me to undo it. And I don't get to blame my parents, my kids, my hubby, my job, or anything else. I'm a big girl, so I take responsibility for everything I do. And then I get the credit for doing it right!

Here's to you for deciding to be the one in charge of your life! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Shake my groove thing

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I always hate to say I'm in a groove, because the truth is, we're never really in a groove. Just when we think we have somthing down pat, we realize that we really don't. That something needs to be tweaked, or shaken up altogether.

And then there are just those days. Those days that no matter what you do, the usual routines/tricks/what-have-you just don't work. I had a day like that on Sunday. I was sooooooooo hungry. The odd thing was that my period had already ended -- usually my appetite goes away with my period, but not this time. I'm sure some of it was due to tiredness/stress. Too much to do, too little time.

I did the best I could, made sure I filled up on healthy stuff first, but ended up eating more than I really wanted to. Nothing awful, by any means.

Sometimes days like that are wake-up calls. Are you getting in your fruits & veggies? Drinking your water? Getting enough fiber? Enough protein? And sometimes it is what it is.

I am also literally shaking my groove thing to lose weight -- got a bunch of new exercise DVDs recently, and quite a few dancey ones. Ones where you have to shake it. I am the sort, if you couldn't tell by now, that doesn't like to lose control. Which is part of why I don't drink, and part of why I'm such a lousy dancer. To paraphrase one of the Dancing with the Stars judges, I've got the whole package (hips & butt) but don't know what to do with them! But I enjoy trying.

I don't have a big, earth shattering thought today. Just these few random ones. Hope you're shaking it up in your world, too (in a good way).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_GRIZZ 3/31/2009 7:39PM

    LOL - can I be in that club too? - I haven't a clue how to shake my groove thing either - that's why my door is closed when I work out to a dancing DVD......but it sure is fun, isn't it? (as long as nobody sees me......LOL).

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KEAKMAN 3/31/2009 3:52PM

    I wish I could dance! I was brought up to be very conservative, and there is all this music dancing in my brain, but I don't knwo how to get it out. We need non-dancer dance lessons!

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WOODLANDMYST 3/31/2009 8:56AM

  Shake, shake, shake! Shake, shake, shake! You must be my long lost twin - I don't know what to do with my package either. Ah well. Have a great Tuesday. Thanks for the chuckle and good things to think about.


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Another day, another park

Monday, March 30, 2009

This one is, once again, more for me than anything, but you're welcome to enjoy the photos. It's a photo blog of one of the local parks I frequent. I'd planned to do a long walk at the hike & bike trail yesterday, but the Cap 10k was being run. The route didn't actually go exactly where I'd planned to park, but it was near enough that I figured it probably wasn't worth trying. Not to mention my car decided to act up again, and I ended up taking my husband's car instead.

So I headed to the park closest to me. I've been going to this park as long as I've been going to the hike & bike trail, but much more sporadically. Even though it's closer. Even though, or maybe because, it's much less crowded.

This park has a paved (now crumbling in parts) loop in its heart. I think maybe it's about 2 miles completely around the loop -- but we rarely complete it, because there are many side trails.

Unlike the hike and bike trail, the benches are few and far between. There are several places with large rocks by the side of the trail.

I went to this park for years before discovering one day that it has a creek running through it. Although it doesn't look like much in a photo, this particular spot has deep meaning for me. It is one of my favorite benches in the park -- usually no one is there. I used to go there & bring some lunch. This is where I sat the day I wrestled with whether or not it was time for Cleo, the first cat I had to make the decision for (it was).

I thought these were swans, but they're just ducks.

I was hoping to get a photo of the dogs in the bluebonnets, but there weren't any yet. Still, I got one of them in front of a prickly pear. My husband was so excited the day he found one growing wild in our backyard (yes, we're Yankees); it did eventually die.

I got a little arty. Doesn't Lola look ferocious here? She has a pretty severe underbite.

Chester has an underbite, too, but you can't see it in this photo. The woman we board him with calls him Elvis because he has this sort of sneer on his face.

And there you have it. It's a nice little park that not a whole lot of people use. People actually do ride horses in it, although I've only encountered horses once the entire time I've been going there. Even though it's surrounded by apartment complexes and a school now (it wasn't when we moved here), we still see deer occasionally there. You just never know what you might find on any given day; yesterday, it was fishermen everywhere.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEAKMAN 3/31/2009 3:51PM

    I love walking outdoors, and this would be a GREAT place for running! You are lucky to have such a beautiful park close by!

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 3/30/2009 8:25PM

    Nice park - very calming. Sure looks like you have great weather there - enjoy!

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EOSTAR_45 3/30/2009 4:36PM

    These are great photos. It looks like a nice trail. I especially like trails that are not used that often. I can walk quietly and enjoy the scenery. Mornings are particularly nice.


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Valerie Bertenelii -- inspirational?

Sunday, March 29, 2009

When I first heard the story about her bikini shoot, I must admit, I thought: good, there's hope that someday I'll actually like photos of myself. At first I'd heard that she started at 172, and lost 40 lbs -- and she's only an inch taller than me.

Then I found out the rest of the story: she dropped about another 10 pounds by eating 1200 calories a day for her bikini shoot, and then resumed normal eating.

Which reminded me of my disappointment on learning that Jillian Michaels drops 10 lbs before each season of "The Biggest Loser" so that she'll look better on tv -- then immediately gains it back after the show wraps.

That isn't a healthy lifestyle. I'm sure I would succumb, too, if I ever happened to be in the position of being viewed by millions of people. Well, maybe. I can be pretty darn stubborn.

Still, what kind of a message does this send out? That it's okay to "crash diet", just to look good for an event? It isn't -- it's a very unhealthy lifestyle to strive to look good for a fleeting event, and that sort of weight loss never lasts.

So maybe I'll never look great in a bikini. But I refuse to drive myself crazy to try to fit into some kind of "normal" (or abnormal, as is the case with Hollywood). I will continue to focus on healthy eating and a healthy dose of exercise, thank you very much, and I'll learn to accept the body that emerges. It may not be easy, but it's healthy.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARTSPARKING 3/30/2009 6:18AM

    Yeah, I took notice also when I heard that she quickly dropped 10 more pounds for the bikini photo shoot. Not a great message at all.

I've always admired your positive attitude. That's why I have faith that you will reach your goals and maintain at a healthy weight. Thank you for another great post.

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KARBIE18 3/29/2009 4:56PM

    I'm all for losing the healthy way, but if I were bearing it all, I can't say what I'd do either. I'm very comfortable in my clothes right now, but can't say I'm content with my naked belly. Ugg. Guess I'm just glad it's not me!

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JLITT62 3/29/2009 1:15PM

    I did want to say that I do think Valerie is inspirational -- especially having kept off 40 lbs for a year -- I was just so disappointed that she got her bikini body thru a crash diet.

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KEAKMAN 3/29/2009 12:29PM

    I'm with you on the whole "Accepting the body which emerges" thing. I have no mental image of what I will look like once the losing weight and firming up part of this journey ends. I have no specific hopes or dreams. I just know that I will look better, and feel better, and be more able to do the things I want. I seriously doubt that I will ever appear on a magazine cover, or TV show, so I don't have to worry about that aspect of it. I'm sorry that women feel the need to crash diet to "look good" when I bet they looked pretty darned good before then. [sigh] Maybe someday things will change.....

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 3/29/2009 11:39AM

    I, for one, am glad that I'm not in that position (in the public eye like that) - Imagine the pressure? And all for positive PR (best face forward, biggest bang for your buck and all that)? When you think about it, those shots are a good thing because Valerie has inspired many many people but No thank you. I'm just happy to be healthy, loving life and living a sustainable healthy lifestyle - all in good time.

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SPUNKYGIRL7 3/29/2009 7:53AM

  It must be hard to be in the public eye as a woman who is dealing with weight issues. How much energy and creativity would be released into the world for good if women could all feel good about themselves at whatever weight they are. That might enable them to adopt a healthy lifestyle and take care of themselves without always feeling that they need to be thinner. Hollywood and the sexixm that runs advertising is really keeping women from enjoying their lives. I have a motto for all women who are not happy because of body image issues-----SEXISM SUCKS

Comment edited on: 3/29/2009 7:55:40 AM

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