Friday, March 27, 2009
My little line may be going down slowly, but it is going down -- for an entire month now. I am not on track to meet my goal of 135 by the end of June -- already moved back from the end of May), but we'll just leave it as is for the time being and see what happens.
Funny how small things can add up. Adding in the healthy oils, which is part of the WW Healthy Guidelines, did me in. I'm pretty sure that's what stalled my weight loss at the beginning of the year; although who really knows? Maybe it was just time for a plateau. Just adding in those extra teaspoons of oil, though, really seemed to do me in. I already eat a relatively healthy diet, full of healthy oils, ground flaxseed, nuts and seeds. But too much of anything, even something healthy, will make you fat. I should know, I've been fat for years despite eating healthy.
Funny, too, how sometimes the stars just align for us. I called to make an appointment with the vet for one of my dogs yesterday -- it was for a chiropractic adjustment (don't laugh!), and it usually takes a couple of weeks to get an appointment, but she just happened to have a cancelation that day.
We missed the rain on our morning walk, and it cleared up just in time to go to the vet. On the way home from the vet, I had green lights almost the entire way home -- that NEVER happens, especially not during rush hour.
Today seems the opposite. We got rained on pretty good during our morning walk. Then it poured again, and started to thunder, about the time I had to leave for my WI. Lola is afraid of thunder, so I left late. The friend I was supposed to go out to lunch with canceled (an email beforehand would have been nice).
There is always a silver lining, though. I did lose weight, for the fourth week in a row. I was able to find the size jeans I wanted that weren't at the store the last time I stopped there. They don't fit yet, but I know that they will, and I know that this store always has a good price -- I don't know what I'll find in Albany yet, so I was willing to take the plunge even though they don't fit now.
I am glad, too, that my husband was too cheap for the funnel cake. That could have been enough to keep me status quo this week. I definitely would have eaten some if he'd bought it. Would it have been worth it? Dunno. But I'm happy to have lost weight, despite the Greek food and the bagel and lox.
I forgot to mention, too, that when I stopped at the used book store the other day to sell back books (the thing that caused the blowup with my husband), I got a set of exercise DVDs I've been wanting to try for a long time -- Core Rhythms. Another dance workout. Unlike Zumba, Turbo Jam, and Yoga Booty Ballet, I was never able to find opinions on SP about this one.
So far I've just tried the intro. Which goes really slowly, which is good for a dance-challenged person such as myself. My hips never seem to move the right way, and they really go slowly -- I like that. I think I'm definitely goint to like it. The price was certainly right - between what I got for the books I sold and my discount coupon, I paid a whopping 23 cents for it. I've been really, really lucky to find a lot of the exercise DVDs I've wanted at the used book store. I will miss Half Price.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Today DH leaves. This was his last trip home before we move (still approximately a month away).
We were doing pretty good right up until yesterday. He blew up at me because I'd gone to get an oil change, then stopped by at the used book store to sell back some books. It wasn't on his priority list, and he didn't get as much done as he wanted to -- I'd asked him to walk the dogs so that I could get out a little earlier. You must bear in mind that DH almost never walks the dogs in the mornings, and I rarely ask him to.
Also keep in mind that he spent the afternoon on Sunday going shooting with a friend. That was more than just a couple of hours. I knew he really needed it, and I didn't say a word about it. He'd also installed a new screen door with the same friend the day before.
He accused me of not doing enough, which is probably true enough. I don't deal well with being a whipping boy (or girl); I tried to keep my cool, but I was very angry, too. He always manages to make me feel that what I do isn't important. He feels the same way about me. But where he blows up big & then it passes over, I smolder.
However, later in the day he apologized. I know he's under a great deal of stress -- but let's face it, so am I. I've been working really hard on keeping my cool over this visit, and mostly managed it, but it wasn't easy. It seemed like a cruel joke that I'd be getting my period as well, and had the hungries. I feel I managed them fairly well. It's a fine line, knowing when I need to really eat, and when I just need to feel hungry for a while, when it's being hormonally driven. Unfortuantely, I'm due again right around the time we move.
It would have been very easy to use food to medicate. Only with this kind of stress, I actually tend to have the opposite reaction -- instead of getting hungry, I tend to lose my appetite. It's funny; the little things can drive me to eat, but the big things tend to rob me of my appetite.
Wish me luck in a month. I'm going to need it. At the moment, we're thinking of making two trips with the animals. It didn't much help that friends told DH that they have never flown their dogs in-cabin -- but they have no choice; their dogs are too big to fly in-cabin. I don't want to make one trip with them, much less two, but I just cannot bring myself to put any of them in cargo.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Never underestimate the powers of a cheap husband. We went to the rodeo last night, and because it's fair food -- a nutritional landmine -- I decided we'd eat at home. I prepared a very nice shrimp & veggie pasta dish, and we had cupcakes for dessert.
That didn't stop me from yearning for some funnel cake, or an apple dumpling, or the chocolate dipped cheesecake. I was hungry; my period is about to start any moment.
My husband bought some glazed pecans as a snack, and I did eat a few -- about 6 -- but I counted those. Everytime we go, we forget that the rodeo portion of the show is a bit more than 2 hours. We keept thinking it's only 1 hour. I figured we probably wouldn't stay for the full concert, so we'd be home around 9:30. Only the concert was just getting started then!
As the rodeo was wrapping up, DH said he wanted to get something to eat. I said I might have a little bit. He came back empty-handed -- thankfully, because apparently he was eyeing the funnel cake. But he just couldn't fork out the $6 for it (especially since you had to buy tokens). So I escaped unscathed.
I wasn't that hungry, really, and like I said, I'd already had a nice dessert. Yet I still wanted it. It would have been fine if I'd had it, too, as long as I savored it. I couldn't tell you the last time I had funnel cake. Probably the last time I went to the rodeo, and that's several years ago.
Still, it's been a week of "heavy" eating for me. Lots of meat, because we're clearing out the freezer & DH is home. We went out for Greek food yesterday. And tomorrow we'll have bagel & lox to send DH off with (still clearing out the freezer).
Sarah Bareilles was awesome. What a set of pipes! She may be destined to be a one hit wonder, but I hope not. Many, many years ago we went to see another act I liked at our county fair (apparently a tradtion with us): a little band called Miami Sound Machine. You might know the lead singer: Gloria Estefan. Only back then they weren't big, but I knew them.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Or do they?
Yes, I'm number obssessed these days. Friday I was happy that I finally got to where I've wanted to go for a long time. Yesterday I was unhappy that my photos didn't show a change.
And this is partially why numbers aren't important. It is why weighing yourself every day can be a very bad idea (and why I haven't had a scale in my home for dozens of years, much to my husband's chagrin).
We can't totally ignore numbers, either. For instance, I am happy that I am 23 lbs lighter than I was a year ago. And if I look at my photo from last year compared to yesterday's photos, I am happy again.
I think where I get into trouble, again and again, is that I don't see myself as heavy as I actually am. I feel thinner. To me, I look thinner than I appear in photos. But numbers don't totally lie, either. At 5'1", I am still fat at 145 lbs. Intellectually I know this; mentally, I have just changed my attitude. At some point I hope that my intellect and my outsides will match up.
I think vanity sizing is part of my problem, too. Of course the size of our pants shouldn't matter, but the truth is it does. I am presently wearing a size 8 short in my levis -- that should be thin, right? Only it's not, obviously, because of vanity sizing. 10 years ago that might have been thin, but pants sizes go up with our ever-increasing waist size.
BMIs are deceiving too. You can weigh 125 lbs, and be 30% fat; or you can weigh 125 lbs and be 15% fat. Guess who will appear thinner, even if they're both the same height? I continue my quest for a healthy BMI, like so many here, but I know that's not the full picture, either.
Originally I thought my ultimate goal weight might be 125 lbs. I'm pretty sure I've revised that to 130. I'd like to weight 125 -- but I think 130 is more realistic for me. It does put me in a healthy BMI. It gives me a little extra fat to help me through menopause. It allows me to attend WW for free, and work there too.
Lately, though, I've begun to wonder if maybe I ought to hang out at 135 for a while. I think that's a weight that I have maintained for quite some time in the past. I will have to accept that I won't be as thin as I'd like to be, but will I be happy? Will I be healthy? Will I be sustainable? Those are the keys to a healthy lifestyle.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I feel that way, anyway. It's been 3 months since I had a comparison photo taken. And in those 3 months, I've lost 2 1/2 pounds -- most of that in the last few weeks. So why was I expecting to see a difference in the photos?
Here's the odd thing: these jeans were darn tight back when I bought the in December, and now they're extremely comfortable. You don't get that from just 2 1/2 pounds, but if I've really firmed up some (and I believe I have), shouldn't that be apparent in a photo? And yet it isn't.
Will I ever be happy with myself in photos again? I hope so. It's still a very motivating tool, especially when I look at myself last year. Today's photos, which I'm not sharing because they're really just not that different, just didn't make me feel that great about myself. I felt better before I took them!
So I shall just keep on keepin' on.
We have an invitation to friends' house tonight. I suggested to my husband that we should ask them out to eat because the husband is helping us put in a new door today, we owe them a dinner, and the husband is also highly allergic to cats, so we can't invite them here.
Instead, they ended up inviting us over to their house. For a couples night. With an Irish theme. Small wonder that they're having corned beef. I like corned beef, but frankly, that wasn't the something decadent I've been longing for. I really don't want to spend my calories on it -- I don't like it that much. Plus I still don't know what we're doing when we go to the rodeo (funnel cake, anyone? Did you know that typically has 750 calories in a serving?) But I also know my husband really likes corned beef.
Stay tuned . . .
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