Friday, March 20, 2009
Weight loss 3 weeks in a row. I broke the pattern. Next week should really begin TOM, so I'm not holding my breath, but hope springs eternal, as they say. There were several days this week when I was just a bit hungrier than usual. I just tried to ignore it. It worked; it was a nice loss for me, and I'm finally almost 145.
I was just advising someone that we are not a number on a scale, but I have to admit -- it sure feels good to see certain numbers. I want to be healthy, I want more energy, I want clothes shopping to be easier, blah, blah, blah. It's just nice to get a little validation.
I do feel myself kind of longing for something decadent. I'm not sure what. I know my healthy habits will be seriously put to the test when we move (God knows what junk DH is putting into that house). There will be ample time to eat out then, I'm sure. I'm just kind of feeling the need for a cheat meal. But the other part of me says that I need to be really good now, so I don't have to worry so much when we moved.
OTOH, I never seem to do very well when I'm really trying to be "good" (like before we went to Alaska last year). I tend to push myself a bit too hard when there's a "deadline" involved, I think.
Now, if I hadn't lost weight this week, I'd intended the title to be "Woohoo! I didn't do it!". Not quite sure what I would have written about. Somehow I really did feel I would lose this week -- not that I'm ever really sure.
Don't really have a lot to say today. We aren't a number on a scale, but I must admit: I'm so much happier with myself in the mid-140s than I was at almost 170. I smile at myself more. I dress myself up more. I just take better care of myself in general.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
While the above could certainly apply to weight, it's our move date! Just a little over a month away, we now have a "firm" date -- of course, it was also firm a couple of days ago until DH realized he couldn't possibly finish the flooring in the amount of time that left him, so he moved it another week away.
I have been preparing for this move for literally years. We've been dancing around it for years. We kept hoping to avoid it altogether, but that was just not meant to be. I have been working on decluttering my home for what seems like forever (how does Peter Walsh do it in hours, even with a crew helping him?). I've even kicked it up into high gear, knowing that April was our target. Sometime in April.
Yet there is still so much to do. Decide on how to move the animals. Get the cats accustomed to a new, smaller carrier -- I've been working with them for months with one, but it's a little bit larger than most airline regulations. I'm not sure they'll go for one even smaller, like I said, it took them months to accept the one I already have.
Keep working down through the food in my pantry (getting a tiny bit sparse in there) and my extra freezer. Decide on a place to board the dogs in NY, or a pet sitter for the cats. Decide what to send back up with DH for this trip -- things I don't want to trust with the moving company, like my paintbrushes, my knitting needles, my jewelry.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Weight is like that, too, though -- isn't it? It seems like you gain it all overnight, but we know that it comes on just a little bit at a time. Only we ignore our too small jeans, or we just buy the next size up. We don't take action, not until we're slapped in the face with our move date (or aha moment, take your pick).
Then we feel overwhelmed. It's easy to feel overwhelmed knowing you have to turn your entire life upside down.
And that's where those baby steps come in. Focus on the task at hand. Don't beat yourself up for not clearing off your desktop or not exercising -- just focus on what you CAN do right now, right this moment. Don't focus on step 5000 when you're just on step 1.
So yeah, I guess in my seeming never-ending weight loss analogies, weight loss is like moving. Or is that moving = weight loss?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Do you ever feel that way? I know I do.
I had hoped that a year apart would bring my husband new-found appreciation for all those little things I do: take care of the animals, shop, cook, clean, laundry (he does his clothes, but I do the rest) -- always be there whenever work needs to be done on the house or something needs to be delivered, even when I was working.
Yet my feeling, whether or not it's true, it's that he's angry because I am not there to handle setting up the dish, getting internet access installed, getting the refrigerator installed. He complained that yesterday he had to wait around for hours while they figured out how to install the satellite -- welcome to my world. Only add 4 animals you have to keep from escaping the house at the same time.
I know my husband loves me, I know he DOES respect me, but it seems as with all things, I need more. More reassurances that the little things I do -- the boring things -- the things I really don't want to do -- are appreciated.
I know that food isn't the answer; food is only part of the problem.
Where we're really butting heads right now is on how to move the animals. He wants to move them all at once -- which means driving, or flying with 2 animals in cargo, which I refuse to do. It's at the very least a 3 day drive. He actually does have a coworker who has offered to drive one of our cars up with us.
The cats are not good travelers. Lola isn't that great a traveler either. It's true, I did move my girls (my first 2 cats) from MD to VT via car, but it was just them, it was only a 2 day trip, and I was able to stop with my parents for my overnight stay -- I didn't have to worry about some chambermaid letting my cats out.
There are no ideal options here. Got a solution for me?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I'm paraphrasing Oprah here. In the last half hour I've forgotten what the exact quote was, but you get the gist. This blog sort of goes hand in hand with yesterday's, but lately I seem to have trouble focusing so I ramble a bit. Hopefully it'll make sense.
As I go through my home, it's just amazing the crap you accumulate in 15 years. It's not just clothes. It's food, too. I've been discovering all sorts of things in my freezer -- like prime rib vacuum packed from 2006. Yes, I ate it, and yes, I'm fine (thank you, foodsaver).
I stockpile things like I stockpile weight, and I know it's all tied together. Where did this insatiable appetite come from? For books, for food, for clothes. I have given away bag after bag of both clothes and books this year (and still have at least 4 or 5 bookshelves full). I have at least 10 books waiting to be read, yet I can't wait 2 weeks to get to the used book store because I've got some coupons. Considering it takes me at the very least a week to get through most books these days -- sometimes a couple of weeks -- the ones I already have could last me at the very least a half a year.
I couldn't possibly use all my cookbooks in a lifetime. I do use quite a few of them, and often (I WILL get back to my food blog someday -- I've got stuff to write about -- recipes, cookbooks, etc.). But I can't seem to stop myself from buying more. I lust after cookbooks like I lust after a great cupcake. And let's not even get started on exercise DVDs. It's a cruel joke on me that Amazon is having a half price sale on exercise DVDs just at the time I really need to tighten my belt. Luckily for me, I have a couple of checks to deposit.
Unluckily for me, I'm missing one. I found one this morning, but there's another one somewhere and I'm not sure where. I looked in most of the usual places this morning, but I'm coming up empty handed.
I rail at my husband about all the crap he buys -- that's coming home to roost for him, btw, since he's having to move all that crap by himself -- I offered to come up & help, but that costs us pet sitters' money. He isn't the only clutter culprit, though.
I know where some of this came from. When we moved here 17 years ago, I didn't have a business. I only had 2 cats, and while they were much loved, for the most part they were taken for granted. I became the REALLY crazy animal lover I am today when those cats became elderly and ill. I am sad, too, to leave my girls (my first cats) here, even though I know that not only are their bodies gone by this point, their bodies weren't what made me love them in the first place. If you've ever been with your animal when they had to be put to sleep, you absolutely know that the shell we call a body isn't them; because when their spirt has left, that body is just an empty shell. Still, I will miss the comfort of knowing their graves & their rose bush are just a few short steps form my house.
I hadn't yet learned to paint, either. All of those things have greatly contributed to my clutter.
I began this journey over a year ago to lose weight and be healthy. This year, it's become more spiritual. I want to live my best life. I'm not quite sure what that is yet. I know it's one with some clutter, but not the level of clutter I have now. I want to be positive and live in the moment. I want my best life, and I try every day to live my best life. Part of that best life is to treat myself well and nourish myself, but that's only part.
Monday, March 16, 2009
I think I have done the final cut in my closet. Although maybe I need to do yet another run-through -- do I really need 3 little black dresses? Truth be told, there are more than 3, but there are 3 beaded little black dresses.
I have very few items in my closet these days that don't fit me. A few dresses -- the ones I really like, that I only got to wear maybe once. I'm not sure I'll ever wear them again, but it ain't over til the thin lady sings in this instance.
When you release something out into the universe, you open yourself up to receive even more. I decided to donate a couple of dresses I've been holding onto for a long time. One fit fine, although it might actually have been a bit big, but I decided it was no longer "me". The other almost fit, and I know it would fit someday, but it had those 80s shoulder pads in them -- and not the removable kind, either.
OTOH, I was extremely pleased to find a size 6 satin blouse that almost fit. I could wear it, but it's still just a bit too tight to move my arms in comfortably. I really didn't think that one would ever fit again. I'm sure it's something that must have run large in its day, because it hasn't seen the light of day in quite some years. That's okay, though; I look forward to wearing it next year. And a blouse I bought almost a year ago, that was oddly tight in the arms, now fits. Finally!
I think we both have to give away our fat clothes as we lose weight, and save a few motivation pieces -- not all, but the ones that you know will make you feel great to wear. It may take years to get back into them, but in some ways, that only makes it all the sweeter.
It's a little scary, at times. I'm realistic. I'd like to be like my WW leader, who has been a leader for 30 years (which means she's been at least near her goal weight for 30 years), but I know there's certainly a chance I could gain at some point in my future. I've had to spend a lot of money on just jeans this year, and money is a bit tight. I definitely don't want to have to go up again.
For now, though, I am still going down. I will leave the future to the future. Today is a gorgeous day, and we're finally beginning to dry out. I took a nice, long walk with the dogs, and we even got to see donkeys, goats (and kids), and pigs at one of the places way down the road. I was able to say goodbye to the woman & her dog I run into very occasionally, and I haven't seen her in months. My husband will be home this weekend (although this is the last time before we move -- we think, anyway). Life is good.
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