Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Never underestimate the powers of a cheap husband. We went to the rodeo last night, and because it's fair food -- a nutritional landmine -- I decided we'd eat at home. I prepared a very nice shrimp & veggie pasta dish, and we had cupcakes for dessert.
That didn't stop me from yearning for some funnel cake, or an apple dumpling, or the chocolate dipped cheesecake. I was hungry; my period is about to start any moment.
My husband bought some glazed pecans as a snack, and I did eat a few -- about 6 -- but I counted those. Everytime we go, we forget that the rodeo portion of the show is a bit more than 2 hours. We keept thinking it's only 1 hour. I figured we probably wouldn't stay for the full concert, so we'd be home around 9:30. Only the concert was just getting started then!
As the rodeo was wrapping up, DH said he wanted to get something to eat. I said I might have a little bit. He came back empty-handed -- thankfully, because apparently he was eyeing the funnel cake. But he just couldn't fork out the $6 for it (especially since you had to buy tokens). So I escaped unscathed.
I wasn't that hungry, really, and like I said, I'd already had a nice dessert. Yet I still wanted it. It would have been fine if I'd had it, too, as long as I savored it. I couldn't tell you the last time I had funnel cake. Probably the last time I went to the rodeo, and that's several years ago.
Still, it's been a week of "heavy" eating for me. Lots of meat, because we're clearing out the freezer & DH is home. We went out for Greek food yesterday. And tomorrow we'll have bagel & lox to send DH off with (still clearing out the freezer).
Sarah Bareilles was awesome. What a set of pipes! She may be destined to be a one hit wonder, but I hope not. Many, many years ago we went to see another act I liked at our county fair (apparently a tradtion with us): a little band called Miami Sound Machine. You might know the lead singer: Gloria Estefan. Only back then they weren't big, but I knew them.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Or do they?
Yes, I'm number obssessed these days. Friday I was happy that I finally got to where I've wanted to go for a long time. Yesterday I was unhappy that my photos didn't show a change.
And this is partially why numbers aren't important. It is why weighing yourself every day can be a very bad idea (and why I haven't had a scale in my home for dozens of years, much to my husband's chagrin).
We can't totally ignore numbers, either. For instance, I am happy that I am 23 lbs lighter than I was a year ago. And if I look at my photo from last year compared to yesterday's photos, I am happy again.
I think where I get into trouble, again and again, is that I don't see myself as heavy as I actually am. I feel thinner. To me, I look thinner than I appear in photos. But numbers don't totally lie, either. At 5'1", I am still fat at 145 lbs. Intellectually I know this; mentally, I have just changed my attitude. At some point I hope that my intellect and my outsides will match up.
I think vanity sizing is part of my problem, too. Of course the size of our pants shouldn't matter, but the truth is it does. I am presently wearing a size 8 short in my levis -- that should be thin, right? Only it's not, obviously, because of vanity sizing. 10 years ago that might have been thin, but pants sizes go up with our ever-increasing waist size.
BMIs are deceiving too. You can weigh 125 lbs, and be 30% fat; or you can weigh 125 lbs and be 15% fat. Guess who will appear thinner, even if they're both the same height? I continue my quest for a healthy BMI, like so many here, but I know that's not the full picture, either.
Originally I thought my ultimate goal weight might be 125 lbs. I'm pretty sure I've revised that to 130. I'd like to weight 125 -- but I think 130 is more realistic for me. It does put me in a healthy BMI. It gives me a little extra fat to help me through menopause. It allows me to attend WW for free, and work there too.
Lately, though, I've begun to wonder if maybe I ought to hang out at 135 for a while. I think that's a weight that I have maintained for quite some time in the past. I will have to accept that I won't be as thin as I'd like to be, but will I be happy? Will I be healthy? Will I be sustainable? Those are the keys to a healthy lifestyle.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I feel that way, anyway. It's been 3 months since I had a comparison photo taken. And in those 3 months, I've lost 2 1/2 pounds -- most of that in the last few weeks. So why was I expecting to see a difference in the photos?
Here's the odd thing: these jeans were darn tight back when I bought the in December, and now they're extremely comfortable. You don't get that from just 2 1/2 pounds, but if I've really firmed up some (and I believe I have), shouldn't that be apparent in a photo? And yet it isn't.
Will I ever be happy with myself in photos again? I hope so. It's still a very motivating tool, especially when I look at myself last year. Today's photos, which I'm not sharing because they're really just not that different, just didn't make me feel that great about myself. I felt better before I took them!
So I shall just keep on keepin' on.
We have an invitation to friends' house tonight. I suggested to my husband that we should ask them out to eat because the husband is helping us put in a new door today, we owe them a dinner, and the husband is also highly allergic to cats, so we can't invite them here.
Instead, they ended up inviting us over to their house. For a couples night. With an Irish theme. Small wonder that they're having corned beef. I like corned beef, but frankly, that wasn't the something decadent I've been longing for. I really don't want to spend my calories on it -- I don't like it that much. Plus I still don't know what we're doing when we go to the rodeo (funnel cake, anyone? Did you know that typically has 750 calories in a serving?) But I also know my husband really likes corned beef.
Stay tuned . . .
Friday, March 20, 2009
Weight loss 3 weeks in a row. I broke the pattern. Next week should really begin TOM, so I'm not holding my breath, but hope springs eternal, as they say. There were several days this week when I was just a bit hungrier than usual. I just tried to ignore it. It worked; it was a nice loss for me, and I'm finally almost 145.
I was just advising someone that we are not a number on a scale, but I have to admit -- it sure feels good to see certain numbers. I want to be healthy, I want more energy, I want clothes shopping to be easier, blah, blah, blah. It's just nice to get a little validation.
I do feel myself kind of longing for something decadent. I'm not sure what. I know my healthy habits will be seriously put to the test when we move (God knows what junk DH is putting into that house). There will be ample time to eat out then, I'm sure. I'm just kind of feeling the need for a cheat meal. But the other part of me says that I need to be really good now, so I don't have to worry so much when we moved.
OTOH, I never seem to do very well when I'm really trying to be "good" (like before we went to Alaska last year). I tend to push myself a bit too hard when there's a "deadline" involved, I think.
Now, if I hadn't lost weight this week, I'd intended the title to be "Woohoo! I didn't do it!". Not quite sure what I would have written about. Somehow I really did feel I would lose this week -- not that I'm ever really sure.
Don't really have a lot to say today. We aren't a number on a scale, but I must admit: I'm so much happier with myself in the mid-140s than I was at almost 170. I smile at myself more. I dress myself up more. I just take better care of myself in general.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
While the above could certainly apply to weight, it's our move date! Just a little over a month away, we now have a "firm" date -- of course, it was also firm a couple of days ago until DH realized he couldn't possibly finish the flooring in the amount of time that left him, so he moved it another week away.
I have been preparing for this move for literally years. We've been dancing around it for years. We kept hoping to avoid it altogether, but that was just not meant to be. I have been working on decluttering my home for what seems like forever (how does Peter Walsh do it in hours, even with a crew helping him?). I've even kicked it up into high gear, knowing that April was our target. Sometime in April.
Yet there is still so much to do. Decide on how to move the animals. Get the cats accustomed to a new, smaller carrier -- I've been working with them for months with one, but it's a little bit larger than most airline regulations. I'm not sure they'll go for one even smaller, like I said, it took them months to accept the one I already have.
Keep working down through the food in my pantry (getting a tiny bit sparse in there) and my extra freezer. Decide on a place to board the dogs in NY, or a pet sitter for the cats. Decide what to send back up with DH for this trip -- things I don't want to trust with the moving company, like my paintbrushes, my knitting needles, my jewelry.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Weight is like that, too, though -- isn't it? It seems like you gain it all overnight, but we know that it comes on just a little bit at a time. Only we ignore our too small jeans, or we just buy the next size up. We don't take action, not until we're slapped in the face with our move date (or aha moment, take your pick).
Then we feel overwhelmed. It's easy to feel overwhelmed knowing you have to turn your entire life upside down.
And that's where those baby steps come in. Focus on the task at hand. Don't beat yourself up for not clearing off your desktop or not exercising -- just focus on what you CAN do right now, right this moment. Don't focus on step 5000 when you're just on step 1.
So yeah, I guess in my seeming never-ending weight loss analogies, weight loss is like moving. Or is that moving = weight loss?
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