Sunday, January 18, 2009
Change is hard. Change is stressful. Sometimes changes just sideblinds you. It's easy to try and comfort yourself with food. Thankfully, with rare exceptions, I am way past trying to comfort myself with food. Because I know that my problems will still be there whether I weigh 300 lbs or not, and that if I did allow myself to eat in response to stress, not only would I still have my problems, I'd have all the problems associated with being overweight, too.
I came up to NY because we thought we'd found a house to rent that would meet most of our criteria and allow all the animals. Only they decided not to rent their house after we'd booked the flight.
So we've been house hunting. We haven't found any rentals that really seem suitable. We were leaning towards buying a house, and there are some possibilities. Everything is much more expenisve up here -- everything! -- which is very frustrating, but we've found a few we think we can afford and are going to look at more today.
In some ways it's a great time to buy a house, in other ways not so much. My husband's assignment is temporary, and we don't know where we'll end up in 2 years, plus we have the house in Austin to either rent or sell is this terrible market.
Right before going to bed last night, my husband found out his company is laying off 900 people and are going to cut the pay of the rest. Which throws a monkey wrench into everything, to say the least. The prospect of buying a house and moving cross country is scary at the best of times, even more so when you don't know if you'll have a job.
It would be easy to turn to food to comfort myself. Thankfully, I don't have the slightest inclination to do so. I am so much happier being thinner. And I want to get to my goal weight. I have more energy and more confidence being thinner.
Exercise is a much, much better antidote to stress. Unlike food, it actually makes you feel better. Only yesterday the high was 10 (it didn't actually feel that cold). Today it's snowing. Yesterday I got in a measly 3,000 steps -- not even quite that much, actually. I've never had such a low day since getting my pedometer! But I'd already planned to take a break from exercise this weekend; we have other things we just have to do.
I also have faith that one way or another, things will work out. We have our health, and that's so important. People face much worse things than we're going through. The uncertainty, which has actually been dragging on for years now, is a drag. But I know for sure that food won't cure it.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
My flights were uneventful -- thankfully, after the plane that went into the Hudson! And while it's definitely cold, I was prepared for it and it's not that bad (as long as you're not walking dogs or shoveling).
I did well eating-wise. They served a small personal pizza and salad on the plane, and I got a veggie burger and a big cup of melon (which was surprisingly good) during my layover. So I got all my fruits & veggies in.
Today we're going house hunting. Maybe tomorrow as well. And I may go during the week. Plus we've got to get some food. I live essentially by myself, but my fridge is always packed -- and my husband, definitely living by himself, always has an empty fridge.
I've mentioned them before, but they bear mentioning again: my traveling companions, food. Usually I'll get a veggie or turkey sub to bring with me. I had a pretty good idea the meal would be a pizza -- and since the portion sizes on planes are always small, and I didn't have a lot of room, I decided to go with it. And didn't quite finish it. That's part of my plan for this week -- to leave just a few bites on my plate.
The rest of what I bring:
Cocoa, so I can make hot chocolate
If I'd had space, I would have brought baby carrots with me
Relatively low calorie chocolate bars with probiotics in them. Yummy!
These are pricey, but well worth it, I think. Because they have no preservatives they have to be refrigerated or they'll go moldy quickly. You can also buy a mix to bake them yourself, saving yourself some money. And www.dietdetective.com always has a 10% off coupon.
Luna bars & clif bars. Usually I bring mini versions, but for some reason I didn't this time.
Calcim never tasted better! This is one way I get my chocolate fix *and* my calcium.
BTW, I did get my 10,000 steps in yesterday -- just! 10,0001. Which just goes to show you how little moving you do traveling. It's hard to do a lot of walking when you're dragging around luggage.
Friday, January 16, 2009
I leave shortly. Last night I made a goal of getting in 5,000 steps before I left. I got in almost 7,000. I got in my oils (it's a WW thing), one fruit, and one milk. Sadly, no veggies. Veggies will be hard today. I was going to bring carrots with me, but there's no room -- it's hard to pack light when you're going to such a cold place! I wanted to avoid checked baggage.
But, c'est la vie. I did good. I think I can afford a break this weekend, as long as I watch what I eat.
Stay warm, my friends!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
It's so hard, isn't it? Yet it's at the core of developing a healthy body. Love yourself, and you feel worthy. If you feel worthy, you'll take care of yourself.
The hard part is to love yourself even if you're overweight. I was not loving myself at 168 lbs. I hated the way I looked, I hated clothes shopping (and I love clothes), I hated the way I felt. It's a catch-22.
Now, at 148, I am not slim by any stretch of the imagination. Not at 5'1". Yet I am amazed at the changes my hard work has brought about. I like what I see (until I see a photo!). I like my strong shoulders, I like my waist, I like the cut of my obliques, I like that you can see my collarbones, I like my shapely back.
I also can imagine how great I will look with 20 more pounds gone, however long that may take. It helps keep me going when I might want to take the easy way out. I know I will never be perfect; there will always be things I don't like; but the truth is I am a perfect me.
If you're just started out and you're not seeing results, ask yourself -- and be brutally honest with yourself -- if you're really doing your best. If you aren't, continue to make small changes -- just one at a time. If you are doing your best, stick with it (and maybe get a physical to rule out any health problems). You WILL see results eventually, and those results will help you to keep going until you see even better results.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
After my small rant about the biggest loser yesterday, I thought I'd turn the spotlight on myself.
OCDD: obssessive-compulsive diet disorder. Sometimes I do think I suffer from this. It worries me, because I'm firmly convinced I've made lifestyle changes and don't diet . . . but am I kidding myself?
I spend a lot of time planning meals, cooking meals, and exercising. I have become borderline obssessed with getting my 10,000 steps in a day. I sit here pondering how early I have to start working out on Friday to get a reasonable amount of steps in, since I need to leave around 10 am and will be sitting most of the day. I'd like to get 10,000 steps in Friday so I can give myself a break over the weekend, when DH isn't working and the temps are supposed to be in the teens (just how I managed to go up on what looks to be the coldest week of the year is beyond me).
I alawys feel I have a good handle on things before going away until those last couple of days, and then everything just seems to pile up despite my having started on everything early, or so I thought. I am in the list-making stage now. Have to make sure I get everything done, and am making lists to keep me on track.
Do I give myself a break and buy a sub this week or eat some frozen dinners? Of course not. I continue to make my own food. Because next week I'm at the mercy of my husband. He only has a few things he cooks, and they aren't low fat. They could be, but he still doesn't quite grasp just how much oil he uses when he makes pepper steak.
I also know that I have had a handle on things in the past . . . cooking my own meals, a house I can actually let someone into without cleaning for an hour first . . . and let it all slip away. Again and again.
In my head I know that not exercising for a week and even eating out for a week won't cause me to gain back 20 pounds. I know I'll go back to my healthy habits when I come back. I know that I'll do the best I can. It's been almost half a year since I was away from home, actually. I can't help but get scared when things are taken out of my control, though. There's that control freak again.
I hope that I have created a sustainable lifestyle. I suppose if I haven't, I just have to figure out how to change it so that it IS sustainable.
This morning I was filling the water pitcher, while all these sorts of thoughts were just running around in my head. And then I thought "STOP!". Concentrate on filling this water pitcher -- because that's what you're doing now. Just stay in the moment. Do the best with every moment we're given; that's all any of us can do.
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