Monday, January 05, 2009
Yesterday I was fine. The things that normally fill me up, filled me up. In fact, my plan was to drop my husband off at the airport, take the dogs to the hike-and-bile trail for a long walk, then maybe drive them up to the store where I buy their food -- somehow I'd managed not to buy any last month, and I was almost out. I was a bit worried that I'd be really hungry by the time I got home.
I followed the plan. I'd been waffling about going to the pet store; it's a bit of a drive, and usually I go on my way home from the cat rescue, since it's on the way, but I didn't have enough food to last me until Thursday.
Yesterday was a raw, cold (for us -- it'd be warm to a lot of people in the country!) day. After our walk around the hike-and-bike trail, I was astounded to see that I'd already amassed over 9,000 steps for the day -- and it wasn't even noon yet. Hooray! I could take it easy. And I wasn't hungry, so we headed up to the pet store & got what we needed.
Except I got home & remembered the SP bootcamp . . . I had my first video to do. It's only 10 minutes, but it meant changing into workout clothes. Because it was that kind of day, the dogs & I camped out on the chaise. I read some, and watched (and slept thru parts) of a movie. I didn't mind being outside during our walk, but I didn't feel the need to move again once I got home. And I didn't, not for a long time. Finally, before dinner, I changed and completed the SP bootcamp video.
It's always difficult when my husband leaves. It's funny how empty a house filled with 4 animals can be. We'd just had 2 weeks of being together almost 24/7, since he didn't have to work. The walk really helped -- kept me away from that empty house for a while. Thankfully the day before was my hungry day!
I guess the true moral of this story is to learn to listen to your body. It isn't about willpower. People seem to think I have that. Ha! I've just learned to listen to my body -- to know when it's truly hungry, when it's emotional hunger, when it's tired. I've learned that food isn't the enemy; that we can enjoy all the foods we love, in moderation, if we do learn to listen to our body. Except I can't tell you how to learn to listen to your body. I can't explain it. It's taken me many years to learn it, and I'm sure I can forget it, too. All I can say is just keep on trying. Most people who lose weight and keep it off fail numerous times before they succeed. It's like Edison and his lightbulb. He learned 9,999 ways not to make a light bulb.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Normally, I don't worry about one day of more than normal eating. And I'm still not worried. But I'd like the scale to start moving downwards again.
Yesterday, I employed all my "tricks". I thought about what I really wanted. I ate something healthy first. And I waited. And then I had my really big cookie. It satisfied me, but it still didn't fill me up.
I filled about three quarters of my plate with veggies for dinner -- literally. And the other quarter was a baked potato skin with bean puree and 1 ounce of cheese, so a totally healthy -- and should have been filling dinner. Only it wasn't. I still had dessert (a luna bar).
Yes, I'm about a week away from TOM. I suppose you could say I was having sweet cravings. I made sure I had the healthy stuff first, but then I went ahead and had what I wanted. And enjoyed every bite.
That's one of the major differences for me now -- if I want something; really, truly, want it -- I'll have it. Only I won't be furtive about it. I will put it on a plate, and I will eat it without a tv on or a book open. Once I've done that, I don't feel the need to go back for more. Because I paid attention, I was satisfied. It's when we don't pay attention to what we're eating that we tend to overindulge. Like an addict, we need more & more to get that same high.
It bothers me a bit because it's not as though I was depriving myself this week. We had a nice, rich dinner on New Year's Eve (altho I didn't have dessert). We went out for dinner on New Year's Day, and I did have dessert. And yesterday we went out for brunch -- not an all-you-can-eat place, but still.
Still, I feel good about yesterday. If the scale doesn't move, so be it. I hope it does, but I'll prepare for the worst. Because here's what I know for sure: sometimes only a really big cookie will do, and one day of eating more than I should won't throw me over the edge.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
It doesn't happen real often, but I'm having one today: a hungry day.
I had a scone with a little peanut butter this morning. It is a treat, so I don't do it every day, but usually it keeps me full a few hours. Not today, I was starving before I took the dogs for a walk.
I'd bought a new protein bar to try, so I had a few bites of that. I didn't really like it. I'll admit it: I haven't tracked those bites.
After I walked the dogs, I had one of my favorite treats: a banana, yogurt, home made granola, with some soy whipped cream. Still hungry.
My husband and I decided to go to our favorite, local tex mex place for brunch. I didn't do too badly there, but I'm still hungry. I was thinking about making myself some cookies . . . but decided that I'd have an apple first. That way I have my fruits in. I may still have cookies later. I'm still hungry!
I'd say 95% of the time I'm satisifed with what I eat, and I'm not hungry. But every once in a while I just have a day like today, when inexplicably nothing seems to satisfy me. I am tired; that's really the only thing I can think of. I'd forgotten that I'd left a pan that needed some serious scrubbing in the stove, because one of my cats kept getting at, when I turned on the stove to preheat yesterday. I didn't even think of it when I started to smell smoke . . . I'm still working on it, but I think it's a goner.
I will do the best I can today to make healthy choices. I'd like to see the scale move; it's been a couple of weeks of small gains, which don't worry me -- I chose to eat well the last couple of weeks, and I'm willing to accept the consequences. Everything I've eaten, I've savored. Still, it's time to get back to "normal" eating.
Friday, January 02, 2009
The vinyl floors in our bathrooms and kitchen started coming up a long time ago. Since I'm not handy, I've just lived with it. But we're moving in few months, so they needed to be tackled. DH (who is handy) thought he could just tack them down. Unfortunately, he waited a week into his 2-week vacation to take a good look at them, and he realized the floors needed to be replaced altogether. So he's spent the better part of his last week of vacation feverishly working on our bathroom floors.
Those who've been reading my blogs for a while can probably read between the lines by now, but if you're new (and welcome!) let me lay it out for you: how often do we avoid taking a good, hard look at ourselves? Put off starting healthy lifestyle changes (or a diet -- which you should never do) until New Year's? Or tomorrow? Any day but today?
If my husband had just looked at the floors earlier, he could have worked on them at a slower pace, and been more rested by the time he left. Even if he had looked at them earlier, he probably would have spent just as many 12-hour days or whatever working on them. Because he tends to have an all-or-nothing-mentality. Whatever it is that needs to be done, needs to be done right this very second. And what happens? He exhausts himself trying to get it done.
Just like so many of us have an all-or-nothing attitude about weight loss. We have to lose that magic number, 2 pounds, every single week. We must eat within our calorie range every single day. We've got to make every single change, all at once. If we fail to do any of the above, we give ourselves permission to give up because it's just too hard.
You won't lose weight every single week, and that's okay. You won't eat within your calorie range every single day, but you should stive for balance over time. Small changes, one at a time, can really add up to a lot of loss.
This doesn't have to be about deprivation. You don't have to lose weight every week. It's okay to eat a little more once in a while. Nobody is perfect for their entire life, but we can be satisfied and happy with our lives, just by making small, simple changes.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
It started with a cold. I don't know why, but I've often had success losing significant amounts of weight after being sick. Last year, in January, I had a cold. It wasn't a bad cold, but I wasn't particularly hungry. And I figured I could eat a bit less once I was feeling better.
I started investigating free, online sites to help with healthy eating. I landed on Ivillage's Healthy Living site first. I started using their nutrition and activity trackers. As I came across Websites in articles, I tried them out. I started watching the JoyFit club on the Today Show, and one day someone mentioned SP. I couldn't even hear what she said, actually, so I went to the Website.
I landed here in Feb. I didn't really start using it all that much at first. I still tracked at Ivillage, I didn't blog, but I did start reading articles.
Slowly, I created a Webpage and a blog. I began to join a few teams. I began to make friends. I have been exercising and eating healthy for a long time, but I just knew somehow that now I really needed to watch things.
In March, my niece got Bat Mitzvah'd. I agonized over finding a dress for months. But when I got there, somehow I got an infection under the skin near my eyebrow, of all places, and half my face blew up. It no longer mattered what my dress looked like, all anyone would see was my face!
I suppose, looking back, it was a blessing in disguise. I had to go to the doctor, and I had to get on a scale for the first time in years. Although I wasn't surprised by the number, I was motivated by it. Even though I knew I weighed that much, I couldn't really believe I'd allow myself to become so heavy.
Still, I only lost 1 lb over the next 6 weeks. Then I decided to take the plunge: I started going to WW meetings again. I became a lifetime member and a leader almost 20 years ago, but I've struggled that entire time. I've gone back several times, but I never seemed able to lose weight anymore. Even my personal trainer, a nurse, was convinced I had a thyroid problem (I don't).
A funny thing started to happen: going to weekly meetings for the first time in years, the weight started to come off. Slowly, in fits and starts, sometimes going up a small bit, but the trend is ever downwards.
But you know the best thing about losing 20 lbs? It isn't fitting into smaller jeans. It isn't the feeling of accomplishment, although both these things feel great. The best thing is that for the first time in my life, I feel mostly satisifed with my eating. I truly do believe this is a way I can eat for the rest of my life. I don't deprive myself, and that means I lose weight very slowly. But lose I do! I no longer am scarfing down an entire package of rice cakes after a WW weigh-in because I starved myself beforehand.
I still am fat. I still have at least another 20 lbs to lose. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know with the help of WW & SP, I will get there.
Thank you, all my SP friends. I couldn't do it without you. You mean more to me than you'll ever know.
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